#was that what killed it with Charlene? was he too needy?

[thedupshadove]

It was probably the better writing decision in terms of likability to not have Doofenshmirtz treat his failed marriage as another Backstory, but still...for somebody whose particular issues are so heavily defined by loneliness and rejection, to have actually managed to find someone willing to marry you, to be in something like a happy relationship for (?) years, only for it to ultimately fall apart...that can't have helped, can it?

That doesn't make it Charlene's fault, of course, I'm just...Thinking About It.

#phineas and ferb #heinz doofenshmirtz #the handful of times we see him pursue a romantic relationship he seems so scared and desperate and earnest #was that what killed it with Charlene? was he too needy? #did he keep trying to build Romantic-Evening-Inators because he had latched onto inventions as the only thing he did well? #and he was so desperate for this relationship to work and keep working? #thinking about the parallels between Doof and Phineas--remember Isabella's birthday and the haunted house and the rainbow-inator? #trying to impress/do right by a girl? Gotta Go Big

[themurphyzone]

World’s Greatest Dad Ch 2

A/N: The period that happens between Heinz’s divorce and pre-Perry is pretty intriguing to me. He was just starting his evil career (which was most likely at a stalemate before Perry). He only had Vanessa on alternating weekends, yet remained heavily involved in her life. On top of this, he was struggling with mental and emotional issues and doesn’t have his outlet yet. Heinz is an inspiration.

Ch 2: Mirrors and Commercials 

Dinner had been too silent. Vanessa had rolled her peas around her plate instead of eating them. She never had issues clearing her plate before, but a sizable chunk of sausage had found its way into the trash. Heinz glared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. It glared back at him.

He clutched the edge of the counter with both hands, wishing the material would shatter under his grip.

Heinz hadn’t meant to snap at Vanessa. Her question was innocent. She didn’t know the things she was implying. It wasn’t her fault.

“You’re terrible at this reassuring business,” the reflection scoffed.

“No need to remind me,” Heinz muttered.

“It was a yes-no question. And you manage to muck that up.”

“That wasn’t a yes-no question! How do you expect me to answer something like that out of the blue? She thought I’d abandon her just like-“

His breath hitched in his throat.

“Just like your own father abandoned you,” the reflection sneered. “You always make everything circle back to your parents. Pathetic. Easy to see why they’d do it too. No useful skills other than being a lawn gnome. Ugly. Needy. Weak.”

“I’m not,” Heinz muttered petulantly.

“Deny it all you want. Doesn’t change that it’s true.”

“Go away.”

“I’m part of you. That’s impossible.”

Heinz stormed out of the bathroom, knowing that he was just giving ammunition to his mirror self. It had taken all his resolve to not continue the argument, and he didn’t want Vanessa to discover that he regularly talked to a reflection.

He slumped onto the carpet next to his bed.

Now that he’d burned himself out, a familiar ache in his chest remained. It was the same one that occurred every other Monday when he realized he was alone again.

Machines could only keep him company for so long.

Heinz closed his eyes, recalling that strange onslaught of emotions he felt when Vanessa was born. Happiness and sorrow. Excitement and terror. Confidence and self-doubt. He’d never experienced all those things together before, nor would he ever experience them together again.

Then she’d grown up, passing milestone after milestone until Heinz thought he would burst with pride at how amazing and perfect Vanessa was. And he received plenty of scares as well. He’d been terrified when he and Charlene rushed to the ER when she ran a fever above 102, and he’d gone through at least a hundred outcomes while they waited for a doctor. The possibilities started out as plausible but grew more outlandish the longer they waited.  

She recovered with no lasting effects, and Heinz had never been more thankful in his life.

The sound of a foghorn in the distance brought him out of his trip down memory lane. It was 7:19 pm. He’d been in his room for half an hour.

Which meant that Vanessa had spent nearly her entire evening believing her dad was angry at her.

“All you gotta do is apologize,” Heinz whispered to himself, one hand on the doorknob. There was something in his brain telling him that it could wait until morning, but Heinz brushed it away. He needed to do it now. Vanessa wouldn’t get a good night’s sleep otherwise. “Didn’t you tell her to say sorry to that other girl a few hours ago? Take your own advice, Heinz.”

He found Vanessa on the couch, wrapped in a blanket as she watched an animal documentary on TV. Her eyes flickered over to him in surprise. “Learn anything good?” Heinz asked, settling on the cushion next to her.

“Echidnas lay eggs,” Vanessa replied, watching the screen intently as a CGI model of echidna anatomy was displayed. “And they’re monotremes.”

“Monotremes are weird. Are they birds or mammals? Guess nature can’t make up its mind,” Heinz shrugged.

“I’m trying to watch,” Vanessa said, turning up the volume.

Heinz found the program a welcome distraction from his thoughts, and they both soaked up as much information as they could about the echidna’s diet.

“-visiting the Sydney Wildlife Preserve after the break!”

Of course, it would cut to commercial when he was hooked. But he needed to take the opportunity.

He grabbed the remote, muting the TV when a car advertisement popped up.

“Hey, sometimes things tumble out that I don’t really mean. At least, I don’t think I mean them but the other person thinks I do and it leads to an entire mess that goes on for how long and-“ his foot thumped against the coach in frustration.

Just say it already!

“What do you think I’m trying to do?” Heinz snapped.

Realizing that Vanessa’s expression was a mixture of confusion and fear, and how she didn’t know he was reacting to a voice in his head, Heinz sighed and counted to three before he spoke again.

“I was never mad at you, sweetie. You caught me by surprise,” he admitted. “Didn’t mean to make you think that way.”

Vanessa drew closer, resting her head on his leg. “It’s okay. I forgive you.”

He hadn’t said it yet and she already forgave him? She was seven though. Did grudge-developing traits appear later or something?

“Sorry,” Heinz said.

She scowled up at him. “Didn’t you hear me? I said I forgive you.”

Unable to resist teasing her, Heinz smirked. “I think I might be going a little deaf.”

“Daaad!” she complained.

Heinz laughed at her childish pout. She tried maintaining it for a few seconds, but it soon gave way to giggling. Then her eyes landed on the TV screen. She clambered over his leg for the remote, Heinz wincing as her hand dug into his skin.

Vanessa unmuted the TV, and a saccharine pop tune played. On-screen, two girls strapped their dolls in a stroller and walked around the house. She paid rapt attention, her mouth open in amazement. She’d never been this interested in dolls before. She usually gravitated to coloring utensils. She liked hogging the darker colors for herself while leaving him with the lighter ones that barely showed up on white paper.

Heinz suspected she did it on purpose.  

“Search for the perfect doll, Mary McGuffin! Now available at a store near you!”

“See, Dad? Can you buy me that doll please?” Vanessa begged. Her eyes were wide and pleading. “You’ll be the world’s greatest dad if you do!”

“World’s greatest dad?” Heinz echoed, knowing he didn’t deserve the title even if he did buy the doll. Yet his ego preened at the idea.

He’d already made so many mistakes raising Vanessa, and she wasn’t ten yet! Sometimes he had trouble recognizing her if she wasn’t wearing black or another dark color, and too often he thought she was hurt when she wasn’t actually hurt.

Some father he was.

But Vanessa thought he deserved it. She believed he could do it. And all it took was a little doll.

“How about we go to the mall tomorrow and look for this…Terry McGuffin?” Heinz suggested.

“Okay! And it’s Mary McGuffin,” Vanessa corrected. Her smile didn’t fade though.

That had to be proof he was doing something right.

When Vanessa’s attention returned to the echidna documentary, Heinz used his phone to look for an image of the Mary McGuffin doll so he had something for reference. There were a ton of dolls out on the market and they all looked the same to him. There wasn’t anything that made Mary McGuffin stand out.

Blonde hair, green dress, cutesy appearance. Fairly standard.

He scrolled down further, and the pictures changed from promotional material to screenshots of news bulletins.

FIGHT IN SEATTLE OVER MARY MCGUFFIN DOLL: TWO INJURED

DANGEROUS HOLIDAY SEASON! HOTTEST DOLL SPARKS CRAZE

TOY STORE WORKER HOSPITALIZED AFTER BEING TRAMPLED AT OPENING

Vanessa was too engrossed in the documentary to notice what he was reading. Heinz set his phone down, a sinking feeling in his stomach.

This could go well and he’d be the World’s Greatest Dad, or this could go horribly wrong and he’d be the World’s Greatest Blunder of a Dad.

But for Vanessa’s sake, he had to try.

A/N: Ferb mentions the fighting over Mary McGuffin caused it to get pulled from market, so I thought it would be fun to include a little of that here. In the US (I don’t know what happens in other countries), typically around Black Friday up through Christmas, the media bombards us with headlines about how some people get injured cause of toys, towels, TVs, or any other product you can name. Sometimes they get hospitalized, others get arrested. On rare occasions, people get killed.

Be nice to your retail workers and don’t do this.

Before Perry, Heinz probably talked to his reflection a lot. Or the empty air. Or inanimate objects. Also does the thing where you fill in the other side of the conversation too.

#phineas and ferb #world's greatest dad pnf #fanfiction #heinz doofenshmirtz #vanessa doofenshmirtz