#was literally just reading about dysphagia and that reminded me of him

[phantaloon]

nothing ever really prepares you for the first time you lose a loved one, or how long it really takes for you to cope with that loss, for you to grieve

i lost my grandpa almost 8 months ago, i don't think i've ever cried that much in my life, even if for years we've known how much his health was deteriorating

i can't explain the relief of wow, he's finally at peace, he's not suffering anymore, he enjoyed life until the last minute, paralleled next to my own pain, at knowing that this was it, i would never see him again

but i like to think i've moved on from that loss

yet from time to time, it's the small things, it's a song, it's hearing the name of the infection that caused his death, it's a phrase, it's literally reading about a random medical term that describes what he had

and just like that i'm moved to tears all over again

they never tell you that you don't ever really move on from loss

#was literally just reading about dysphagia and that reminded me of him #cue me sobbing in my room while studying lol #loss #gonna add the warning just in case #cw grief #tw loss of a loved one #tw grief