#very suddenly lost my cat and im just completely fucking devastated

[lusus]

every time i think surely life could not get any more unbearable right now. well. it does

#personal dont rb etc #very suddenly lost my cat and im just completely fucking devastated #its not enough to have multiple people just giving up on me this year #i have to lose the one true beloved companion i had left i had to lose my sweet poor baby #how am i supposed to process so much grief and loss and abandonment and further isolation? #we’re halfway into april and this year is already quite literally killing me

[thenervousmedic]

I had a minecraft dream last night...

This is going to be a long post, but bear eith me, and take the time to read it.

I don't dream about minecraft very often. In fact this might be a first. I'm still in bed while writing this, as im afraid if I wait I'll lose a bunch of the memories.

It involved myself and a few members of the Dream SMP getting sucked into MC. Ironic, I know. Dream, George, Badboyhalo, Tecnoblade, Wilbur Soot, Tommyinnit, and myself. We all looked like our avatars... mostly, and even had some special skills i'll get into later.

To be clear, they were as they are in real life in terms of personality.

I've not watched the dream smp yet... maybe I should start soon. Anyway, side tracked...

The world worked differently than normal MC. It was more realistic, especially the combat and movement. Anything you can do irl you can do here. The drawback was that it made everything harder and more exhausting.

I was dragged in a month before the others, where over the next four weeks, I'd figure out how the lives system works; how difficult movement was; that crafting was nearly the same as normal mc; and how to build.

Five lives. There was a little tracker on the back of your hand, five squares for five lives. Each life you lost, a square would disappear. But it wasnt that simple. Every tine you died you'd feel the affects of the world more. Eating took longer, everything cost more and more realistic amounts of effort, and most importantly... taking damage would actually hurt.

On your first life damage was less of a danger and more of a 'stat' to just be aware of. Getting attacked, shot, exploded next to, ect wasn't too bad. But the more you died the more these things started to get scary. Arrows would tear their way in and ve painful to remove. You'd bleed and have actual wounds that needed care.

By the time the smp members were spawning in, I'd already been reduced to my last life. I was never good at minecraft, though im alright irl with a bow it didnt help much.

You spawn in unconcious. I'd lost my first life that way. I spawned above water. A painless drowning. I hadn't gone back to the ocean since, it scared the fuck out of me.

The first to arrive was Techno. I went back to spawn for the good sheep spawns there. Found him asleep in the grass. He was lucky no creepers had spawned.

Nearly everyone was bigger than me, I'm pretty small, so hauling this guys limp piglin ass all the way to my little safety shack was really hard.

Then Dream and George one after another. Badboy. Tommy... and finally Wilbur.

Wilbur was... a special case. He was a ghost. Just like his ghostbur skin had been. Fully awake, really freaking out. I was near collapsing from taking everyone else to my home, wasnt really much of a comfort, but I at least managed to convince him to come with me after the sun started to dip.

When we got back Wilbur helped me make beds. Couldn't have everyone sleeping propped up against the walls... Wilbur couldn't grab anything, but he could open and close chests. He also found out he could manafest things like his guitar, and a plushie orca. Things that made him a little less anxious. It was nice to hear music again.

I didnt get to talk to him long. We finished the beds, put everyone on one, then I immediatly konked the fuck out over the crafting table.

By the time I woke up, everyone was already awake and talking. The typical suspects. Why are we here, how, what happened, is this even real. You get the picture. I guess usually social anxiety, especially in the presence of people I admire so much, would've been a big stressor but after a month alone in this world I damn near started bawling at the thought of someone else even existing.

I told them all I know. We are stuck here, we have lives, dont fucking lose them it makes the game harder. The physics are just as janky as regular minecraft, mobs are much more articulated, armour actually has weight and at this point I wasnt aware of the little buffs everyone had to a particular skill.

Dream was incredibly good at exploiting the game's wonky system and parkouring, even of he couldnt nessesarily do it irl.

Techno was suddenly extremely knowledgeable about combat and could handle most weapons effectively. He was also a piglin-type guy which made him immune to fire.

George's coding skills translated directly into redstone knowledge, letting him build ridiculous machines with enough respources.

Tommy had incredible luck with loot and generally got good enchants.

And Bad was, thanks to his skin, some form of demonic entity and would be completely ignored by most hostile mobs.

Wilbur, as you know, was a ghost who could phase through anything and summon ghostly items.

We didn't find out everyone's special trait immediatly, of course. It happened over many days of trail and error trying to collect resources, build, and have fun.

Turns out my skill was useless by myself, hence why I never found it before they arrived. Anything I gave to another person was twice as effective. Healing items helped more, food would fill them on smaller portions, armour would get a free temporary enchant depending on what they needed.

I'd never liked playing minecraft alone.

I'm losing some of the dream, I shoukd wtite some bullet points down or this post will be miles long.

Tommy accidently befriended a wolf, he named it Wilbur to mess with Wilbur. We had two Wilburs.

Bad was constantly driven up the wall by peoples language but truly was using it as a coping mechanism early on because he was afraid of being stuck here forever. We made sure to swear occasionally so he'd get the oportunity to yell at us.

Techno lost his first life when a creeper blast threw him directly into Dream's sword.

Dream never got over it.

Wilbur started making more songs and even made a few targetted at the groups adventures.

Wilbur descovered if he goes into the floor he cant tell which was is up, this terrified him, he never went underground again.

George made automatic farms and eventually even non-minecraft typical things like a morning alarm clock, a compass that pointed to the nearest village, and invented new armour that was more lightweight but still protective.

Wilbur the wolf regularly barked at and mauled giant spiders before they got anywhere near the house, much to literally everyone's relief.

Bad learned how to read and write enchanting table symbols.

I taught Dream how to repair his clothes and in return he showed me how to build traps.

Techno learned he could talk hoglin, piglin, and villager.

Bad learned he could stare at endermen and mistakingly assumed everyone could so he told everyone else its ok to do so.

Tommy lost his first life to an enderman.

Wilbur worked with george for a whole week on special gloves that would let him touch stuff.

I took an arrow dangerously close to the lungs after Tomny's first respawn trying to bring him home.

Dream realised he couldn't take off his mask and wished he could see the world normally again, nobody knew what his vision was like.

Bad descovered a joy for cooking.

Bad also tamed a cat and named it Muffin.

Muffin the cat would ride Wilbur the wolf around.

Dream lost his first life to hunger after pushing himself for too long.

Techno took a wrong step in the neather and lost his second life to a seriously long fall.

I never knew what I looked like...

Tommy lost his second life being overrun by zombies without a weapon. We made a rule to never leave the house alone after this many deaths.

Bad descovered pretty late that milk is poisonous to him and thus cakes will kill him. He lost a life to cake. He was devastated.

Tommy built a cute campfire. He and Wilbur would mess around singing at it. Wolf Wilbur thoroughly enjoyed this.

I would stay up most of the night watching everyone sleep because I worried the house could get invaded or surrounded. They found out after Phantoms started spawning and made a rule that at least one of then would stay awake at night to make me feel better.

George built Dream an obstacle course with lots of moving parts and such. He ran it every morning.

I learned how to play guitar from Wilbur at the campfire.

Torches never burnt out after they arrived. No idea why.

That's all I can remember...

It was a hard dream, I was sad and angry sometimes... but the happy moments made it worth it.

I hope I return to that dream someday.

#dream #badboyhalo #georgenotfound #technoblade #wilbur soot #tommyinnit #minecraft #a dream #long post

[survivetashirojima]

Episode #6: “LITTLE MISS MADISON said FUCK JACOB” -Kevin

*takes my numbers back and hisses at Stephen Vi and Timmy*

WHATS POPPING, this game thats whats popping ladies and gentlemen whew, to say the least that is. Considering my last confessional was like round 1, let me go ahead and fill you guys in on what you MISSED!! (from my perspective) We voted Tom, then Julia, then Kenny all unanimously which was meh, I liked Tom but he's very ruthless but I think I could've worked with him for a little but he just wasn't on so I couldn't do anything without risking my game, then theres Julia another person I liked and wanted to work with but her inactivity was gross and she made her own bed and she's kinda crazy so hopefully it was for the better, lastly in the string of unanimous votes we had KENNY I was ELATED to see him go, finally someone actually bad for my game left, we never talked and we did not have a good history so him staying would have sucked, then JG had to walk from the game which was.. something, personally for my situation that was great and while I hope everything is ok with him and his life I am not ashamed to say I was happy to have his presence in the game be gone, to be frank. THEN!!!!!!! things started to heat up! So going into the 4th tribal I was vulnerable for the FIRST time all game, and to make matters worse there was only 5 other people to choose from outside of myself, so that was really really shitty and I hated that feeling, luckily prior to the vote I found my way into 2 different alliances one being named the "fat five" consisting of myself, madeleine, jacob, ricky and andrew! this is a group i feel comfortable with for the time being and I trust, and then after that I was added to a chat with Joanna, Pat and Stephen which seems to be an alliance but is not properly named. I appreciate that my social ability has led me into 2 different completely non-overlapping alliances but it's also put me in the MIDDLE of those 2 alliances which seem to have different HOPES about where this game is going. So during the final 14 vote my name was brought up for what was told to me as a millisecond, a very short period of time that didn't really spark any fires in people to want to vote me out, I heard of this first through JOANNA, surprisingly she told me Stephen told her about it which was alarming to me because I liked Stephen and should he have heard my name I would have expected him to bring it to my attention, frankly he did NOT and in the midst of having a 1 in 6 shot of going home I was not going to rock the boat at all, so I bit my tongue and let the round play on and considered this something to be better addressed at a future time. So back to the actual VOTE the actual coming up of names I had no part in both Dylan and Brien were brought to me by the respective "sides" of the tribes if you will, with Dylan being Pat/Jo/Steves choice and Brien being Mad/And/Ric/Jac's choice both side were VERY intensely wanting their vote to go through (which is expected) but as everything unfolded I realized the kumbaya spirits that blessed the 3 tribals prior had seemingly left the building because me being vulnerable for the first time is a GREAT time to take a break, to put it quickly THE VOTE WAS SPLIT. With neither side budging despite my best efforts. After some investigative work I realized that outside of the fat five the brien vote was not widely wanted, and after taking myself out of the picture would have resulted in a 7-6 vote with Dylan leaving. So once i realized this and decided for myself that Dylan leaving was in fact the better move for my game, considering his challenge dominance and his close bonds to people who i considered my closest allies, he needed to be cut loose. In the final stretch before tribal I knew what was coming and what needed to be done so I had to lay the base work for what I was about to do which MEANT either flipping my alliance (fat five) or providing visible doubt within myself enough to prove that I was not LYING, I spoke to madeleine through most of this confessing concerns that we did not have the votes and perhaps it was best to just ride the dylan wave out as a unit like we had done up until that point, but there was no budging with her I expressed MULTIPLE concerns MULTIPLE times, and no movement. Then I went to jacob who was out of the loop as ever, he had no idea dylan was even an option and I told him that it was and it was likely to be the end result of the night with or without him, and I then tried to speak to andrew who was presumably at work but i really couldn't tell ya, I messaged him asking had he heard Dylans name at all, no response but the effort was there and I wasn't gonna call him just to give bad news, and lastly in the final moments I confessed to madeleine I "switched" my vote to Dylan to avoid a tie, which was true, and became my main selling point for WHY I did it which is fair, while there are revotes it's still half way to rocks and thats one hike i will NOT be taking, at least not this early and not over Dylan's ass lets make that clear. Then, the deed is done and the dust settles and im left to pick up the pieces of a devastated alliance, as I said i expose myself and admit to not wanting a tie and worrying for the safety of myself and ricky (who would've had a 50% chance of one of us going should it have gone to rocks) Im comforted by Madeleine and Ricky who understand the position I was in, Andrew was understandably and slightly upset but hey I DID try and talk to him, jacob pretty indifferent as always, I felt in the clear and I had nothing to do but move on. I will be doing the final 13 vote in a SEPARATE confessional, you're welcome  

BACK BACK BACK AGAIN, HALLELU! where were we? lets keep this going shall we, anyways SO FINAL 13, the challenge is remembering the cats trailer which I tried slightly after quite a long day at work so my brain wasn't fully there, I did do quite a bit of studying but my dumb ASS didn't think to remember the order of celebrities, or the featured names/works that were affiliated with the trailer, so I lost a lot of time in having to go back and watch those parts which scored me a mere 14 !! which was sadly not enough to win Immunity, instead Andrew and Stephen won! 1 person from each alliance, how poetic. The winners didn't really affect me or my gameplay this week it was quite a non factor. Which makes sense in a 14 person tribe, with now 12 people eligible to be voted out. The first half of the day was quite like every other vote, no names, no activity everyone waiting for the storm to flood in and sweep us away in the dark murky waters of tashirojima where somebody's gonna end up drowning. AND THEN IT HAPPENS!! suddenly there's names... LNGVO (Pat/Jo/Steve alliance) seems to be wary of Madeleine, who is quite the talker and a good social player considering her persistance with talking to people, it's impressive really. She won the social challenge by a landslide and that scared people and specifically scared Pat who threw her name out there first, pitching a pretty decent case in my opinion but Maddie trusts me so I don't really give into the pitch while Joanna agrees I subtly drop a message providing why her gameplay isn't all it's seemed to be and how she'll likely do herself in in due time, and we should probably just wait it out. While my tiny message likely had no impact Stephen did somewhat agree, he felt making another big move (was dylan that big of a move?) would set a domino effect into play and ultimately catch up to one of us which I agreed with. So while Pat and Joanna were still hung up on Maddie going home if at all possible we/they also recognized that her likability at this point in the game would make it hard to vote her out considering Jay/Timmy 2 MOTR players wouldn't write her name down was a game changer. So then the vote swapped to Jacob a less social and less likable player but also a key component to the unbeknownst to them alliance, the fat five, so I couldn't really have that happening BUT I did encourage the idea once it came up because while I wanted to pitch the idea of going Brien to this group but with the talk of "staying strong" as an "8" that voted together previously I knew it wouldn't be well received and I didn't want to risk looking sketchy that early in the day cause you never know how quick a vote can turn if given the right chance, so I sat back and agreed and made a small case for why jacob "SHOULD" be the vote and then they settled on Jacob because my assumptions were that if the vote was Jacob then Madison (who i assumed to be close to jacob) would not vote for him and would mean not necessarily a vote for the fat five but one less vote for LNGVO who by the mathematics of it, had the majority. BUT BOY WAS I WRONG, cause "we" settled on jacob and as it turns out LITTLE MISS MADISON said FUCK JACOB and voted for him !!! That was a shocker. But lets back up, before the votes were read I eventually brought up Brien's name AGAIN in the fat five, hoping we could stick on that, piss off less people and keep the sides more even so I don't give either side the upperhand WITHOUT needing little ol me, the middle position is only powerful if theres a middle to sit in. So if Brien went home I kept the balance, I appease the previously disappointed fat five and save the day with getting brien out just 1 round late. Without much fight they agree, it really does seem like the best decision so now I know where both sides are aiming I just need to figure out what their ammunition looks like. I knew where most of the votes were gonna be EXCEPT FOR Jay and Madison, both promised both sides their votes (which I know because I am somehow a part of both sides and thats why I hate my life) so without myself madison and Jay the votes looked like like 6-5 in the  LNGVO favor in eliminating Jacob, a close ally of mine, so now I had to secure 1 more vote to tip the scales in my favor, Jay had been on the fence all day from what he said, and so I went to talk to him like 10 minutes before tribal and he confessed to being on the fence and he told me while he promised his vote was going to go against jacob he didnt feel like he could follow through and i said SAME DUDE!!!! we're in the same boat, so i took this opportunity to relate and then make sure he felt confident in his decision because he was making it with me. And we locked on Brien, and he went on to later tell me that me agreeing with him and our conversation was the push he needed to lock that vote in, which im so grateful for. Now yet again I had to soften the blow to the side that I was voting against, while I knew Jay was flipping for about 20 minutes before I said anything (from 5:50 to about 6:10) I needed to find the perfect timing to tell LNGVO that I heard Jay was flipping and that Madison was also voting Brien (which wasn't true but I DID HEAR that she was from Madeleine and Andrew so I didn't lie) and with this I said I don't know if the votes are there anymore, and obviously Joanna not showing up until the last second was helpful too because that added to the sense of insecurity with that vote, and I also said I don't wanna vote Jacob if he's not gonna go home (again, true) and so with only 1 more person to be asked a question I dropped the bomb with little to no time to recover and have Stephen or Pat go and talk to jay to flip him back and no time to really figure out what was happening. Then the votes are read Brien goes home THANK U BABY JESUS and my plan worked out. Now I just need to continue to balance these 2 alliances as best as possible. In my next submission I will talk about the information and events that happened AFTER the votes were read. Thank you!

PART 3, THE FINALE, ARE YOU EXCITED? im excited, anyways. So Brien's gone hallelujah amen am i right. The LNGVO alliance seems understand when I express my concerns that the vote was too close to call and I couldn't really trust much of what anyone said like I mean come on, it was 7-6 for christs sake. They seem ok with it, understanding that this isn't the end of the world and theres still a bunch of game to be played and just hope to move forward stronger than before and hopefully still with the majority. And then I speak to Jay again, "baffled" at the fact that we were in the middle and the decision makers, making sure he knew it was both of our decision which leads him to propose that he would like to work with me, and I agree obviously! I really like Jay we share a love of pizza and pretzels and anything that combines pizza and pretzels. But also he's in the middle as well and he was another person to promise his vote one way and go back on it, similar to what I did, so I wont or shouldn't be taking heat alone which is always good. AND THEN the real kicker of the night, earlier on in the day I spoke to Stephen about hearing my name and not telling me, and gave him the chance to tell me his story, as vague as can be he tells me that it came up but wasn't truly considered, when asked specifically who said my name he dodged the question but did tell me it originated in a conversation with Madeleine, who I trusted and also didn't tell me about hearing my name but AFTER THE VOTE Maddie brought it up that Stephen in fact said my name on a call to HER not the other way around which jogged my memory and I confirmed and he in fact threw me out as an option for the vote, the same round he started an alliance with me! Ridiculous that guy. So now I know that Stephen has a thought in his mind that looks at me as a threat and someone that he ALREADY has considered targeting. While I initially felt bad having to let down LNGVO considering the alliance was created by Stephen I feel less bad now knowing that he is two-faced and is to not be trusted by me, despite how hard he wants to try and seem loyal to the alliance. People such as Andrew and Mad already see his sketchiness and the back and forth and I'm glad I want to capitalize on that and hopefully make something happen. But it's too soon to tell what I want to happen this round with 2 days for immunity and another for tribal really anything can happen and thats worrysome. but lets end on a positive note, Madeleine told me that I am her favorite person in this game and that she trusts me the most, which is AMAZING, she also brought up the idea of forming a final three of myself, her and Andrew to which I obviously agreed to but I think she may not know that Andrew has a pre-existing relationship to Ricky, and I have a pre-existing relationship to Jacob and Jacob and Ricky ALSO know each other well. But that may not even come into play but it's important to note that I am now officially a part of someones end game (for the time being) this is huge and I hope to become a part of more peoples end games as the game progresses. Good Luck Charlie!

I was scared I wasn’t coming across how I wanted to be in this season, turns out I am and I’m so freaking happy!!!

I was think about the challenge in class and looked at my coffee and my mind just screamed “Starbucks cat!” And then “MADDIE NO”

Madeleine is totally a backstabber but that's okay. I already knew that since tribal 2. I think I'm gonna switch to vote her off only bc now I have Jay and Pat talking to me. Thank gods Brien got voted off. He never talked to me besides setting up the alliance. I favor people who talk over people who doesn't so that's one less inactive person. I"M SO GLAD THAT THIS CHALLENGE IS AN ARTISTIC ONE. I can not wait to see how people react to what I drew. I think its hella nice. Even if I get voted off after this challenge, that's perfectly fine and I'm okay with that since this is my pride and joy of the season. Plus I won't be gone gone since we're all jurors anyways. It'll just be lonely for a few days until the next juror gets voted out. Or multiple. Lukas and Olivia seems to be hinting at more than one person can be voted out and idk man. Scary business right there

So this is how I'm pretty sure the votes went last time? - Andrew, Maddie, Ricky, Kevin, Jacob, Jay, Madison: voted out Brien - Stephen, Timmy, Vi, Joanna, Pat, Brien: voted out Jacob Unless I'm a buffoon......but I think Madison was the swing vote. I think. Idk. I had to convince Jay very very very very very VERY last second and then at the same time get people to convince Madison while I was also trying to talk to her. I wouldn't have been so adamant about NOT voting out Jacob had Stephen not been sketchy as all hell coming to me at like 8:30 being like "teehee wut if we did jacob uwu" cuz that was fucking stupid. He was like "well why does Jacob deserve to stay over Brien" and I was like why the fuck are you all of a sudden trying to keep Brien? For numbers? Yeah no. No Brien for you. He's gone now. So Stephen is high on my hit list. Also I just like do not have a connection to Vi, Timmy, Pat, and Joanna and like I've talked to Vi and Joanna but the convos are stale. I guess I can try messaging Pat. I might look like a doofus messaging Timmy this late in the game especially when I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me but I think I've decided I don't give a shit about social graces and might just message him anyway for funsies. The key word is might. For this vote though.......Maddie, Ricky, and Jacob are all vulnerable. Like at least Maddie puts in work but if I have to keep dragging Ricky and Jacob's lagging asses I'm gonna lose it. I'm love Ricky so much but like......please. Do smth.... I'm gonna break my back from carrying this alliance. Jay is also vulnerable btw. So that's 4 people I don't wanna target. Then there is Timmy and Madison. Will Madison vote out Timmy? Idk. That could be an issue. Because if she doesn't then I think it could end up being 6-6. Nnnnnn. So like if it's 6-6 that's gay because if it deadlocked then Timmy and whoever the other side voted would be safe. So like it would be a 1-4 chance that Madison goes over one of my allies. We need people to vote out Timmy. This is GAY. Or maybe we just scrap Jacob because he's useless. Who fuckin knows.

*spongebob timecard narrator voice* the next day: So apparently Madison voted Jacob? And Timmy voted Brien? I'm confused but idc lol maybe we can just get majority on Madison then

These people are so messy. So Jacob left my alliance with him and Madison but I’m messaging him (or at least trying to, he’s responding slowly but I think he’s at work so it’s all good) because I need him to know I didn’t vote for him. Madison did though and now I know she also voted Dylan and she thought I did too. I still want Madison in but like I don’t want to go to the end with her mainly bc I know she would be more likely than others to vote for me in the end. There’s plenty of reasons to get Madeleine out but she’s not winning immunities so the opportunity will be better with less people and these people are smart and will see that she is a social threat but yea she is easy to beat in immunity (although I haven’t been doing too well in immunities). I want Ricky gone bc I fucked up and never answered his message from a while ago so that is a dead relationship so he can go. Also I want Joanna gone sooner rather than later because I know she is smart.

so, gag of all gags, everyone in my core alliance is immune, woo. This means we dont have to be worried about a massive blindside, the only true ally i have thats vulnerable is Madison, but it seems the vote is aiming more at ricky, thank god. I like the guy but hes just one of the less-active people and I want to make sure we dont have an ftc full of goats who just drifted through. Kevin is the only one of my alliance im wary of, he has done great in challenges so far, and that can be dangerous the closer you get to FIC, so eventually he will lose immunity and ill have to betray him. Make it to f8, then the next time he loses hes gone.

https://youtu.be/qHZhhQIvOcU

CASUALTIES:

CAST ASSESSMENTS:

PART 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BF-qsugZ6RM&list=PLB-4yJ0EHce-bxHQVmQVdrV6tx36_6Jly&index=14

PART 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dF6SrpCKBrA&list=PLB-4yJ0EHce-bxHQVmQVdrV6tx36_6Jly&index=15

#Purrvivor