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bunnycoffeeumcat · 6 months

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post of the fics I read (wangxian) because they're getting v hard to manage, and also for recs if anyone wants them

also like this is gonna be ongoing forever, cause its mainly for *points to self*

Guys dont be like me, and read tags.

*slowly updating*

ALL COMPLETE UNLESS I SPECIFY OTHERWISE

the GOOD ones

impossibility brought to life series A little harmless role-play for stress relief leads to an impossible fantasy becoming reality and a dream come true that Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian could never have anticipated. 163k

(dreaming of) being human “Pets are not allowed in the Cloud Recesses.” Lan Wangji stares at the animal in his older brother’s arms. It is his understanding that they went to rescue a group of children, not hunting for...whatever this creature is. Lan Xichen chuckles, strokes the creature’s fur. “He is not a pet, Wangji. He is a person. A Huli Jing.” Lan Xichen moves to take his leave, the door to the jingshi already open when Lan Wangji asks, “What should I call him?” His brother turns back, a few snow flurries catching in his hair and instantly melting. “His name is Wei Ying.” 109k

A Matter of Time After Wei Wuxian's death, Lan Wangji went insane, doing everything in his power to get back his most precious person. Willing to sacrifice every single person in the cultivation world to reclaim his love. 41k

love, in fire and blood In which the Sunshot Campaign ends through an arranged marriage to the Yiling Patriarch, and Lan Wangji suffers the mortifying ordeal of falling in love with his own husband. ft immortal wwx 360k

all i want Wei Ying leaned a little closer. "The conversation we're having right now is about how it turns out I'm a bearer and we weren't careful and I'm not expecting anything from you, but now that you're here you should know that I'm...ah...you know..." "Pregnant," Lan Zhan said mechanically. "Pregnant," Wei Ying agreed. "You knocked me up, Lan Zhan. Sorry." 47k this one is so so good

silver & gold Wandering through a rather busy night market on the boundaries of Gusu after a successful night hunt, Wei Wuxian with his son and nephew chance on a mysterious cultivator who rivals him at talismans. Curious as to the wares she has spread out over her table, he forgets the simple rule - you break it, you buy it. AKA Wei Wuxian gets turned into a child and because it is Wei Wuxian, no one has any idea what to expect. 161k

how to be a heartbreaker “Lan er gege,” Wei Ying sings out an old nickname, his lips curving up into a well-rehearsed smile. It’s adorable, and it’s pretty, and he knows it mesmerises anyone who lays their eyes on him. He has done it a million times—bewitching and convincing men who need to be convinced. He just doesn’t expect to hear the hitch in Lan Zhan’s breath, too, and feel the taller man’s grasp around his wrist tightening. He fell for it. A sickening thought suddenly enters his brain, and Wei Ying wonders if he should be so cruel. “Do you want to find a private space for us, Lan Zhan?” 105k

A Myriad of Blossoms Eight months after surviving the First Siege of Burial Mounds, the Yiling Patriarch, stronger than ever before, asks for Hanguangjun's hand in marriage. To refuse Wei Wuxian is not really an option and Lan Wangji, still recovering from the events of Nightless City, is left learning to live with a man he barely recognises. 56k

Twelve Moons and a Fortnight the one where Wei Wuxian spends the year before his wedding as Yunmeng Jiang's acting sect leader, and the cultivation world's greatest love story finds its happy ending with the help of three juniors, a teenage romance, and one very involved (and exasperated) younger brother. 290k

the scarlet lotus a Scarlet Pimpernel-inspired fix-it featuring Wei Wuxian in disguise, Lan Wangji determined to bring the nefarious Yiling Patriarch to justice, and the hijinks that ensue when you accidentally marry your greatest enemy/love of your life. 137k

MDZS: The Golden Engine In the modern era, immortals Lan Zhan and Wei Wuxian return to Gusu. New evil and old friends + new friends and old evils. 82k read the tags!!!

Canon Divergence / Canon Compliant

Little Death The resentful energy thrums within him as he scans the room, whispering all kinds of unspeakable wishes. It wants blood. It wants life. He does not have to take either in strong measures to stave it off. The itch growing inside him will dissipate if he gives it a little of what it wants. A little blood, a little vitality, as one does in acts performed in a place such a this. A taste, and it will be sated. For now. He is still in control, after all. 28k

inevitable everything The Yiling Laozu demands Lan Wangji's hand in marriage in exchange for his aid in the failing Sunshot Campaign. Or so it seems. Three months earlier, Lan Wangji is rescued from the Xuanwu of Slaughter's cave by a handsome man with a brilliant smile who wields a power he always believed corrupting and uncontrollable as easily as breathing. 193k

When the Words Stop Coming Wei Ying had been openly declaring his love for Lan Zhan ever since they met at The Cloud Recesses. Confused and emotionally constipated, Lan Zhan rejected him, until everything went wrong, until he lost Wei Ying in the end. 13 years later, Wei Ying cannot trust Lan Zhan with his heart. 7k

To Love a Lonely God Lan Wangji wasn't supposed to die, but he did, and the Yiling Patriarch will burn the world to the ground to bring him back. 6k

Post Canon

Far Away You Are Suddenly, it snaps into place. The weary way Lan Zhan has been holding himself is suddenly cast in a new, much more distressing light. Somebody is responsible for it, a real live, horrible, blind, stupid person. The combination of guilt, sadness, and anger that sets in all at once is hard to contain. Lingering wisps of resentment that remain from the night-hunt flock to him, like calling to like. All four boys stare at him with wide eyes. “Wei-qianbei,” Sizhui says. “You look...um…” “Scary,” Zizhen breathes, beaming. “Who has rejected Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian asks. Or; during one of his visits to the Cloud Recesses, the juniors strike a blow to Wei Wuxian's certainty that his feelings for Lan Wangji are one-sided. 17k

a kind of emptiness Recovery is complicated. 11k

the absence of hunger “He told me that you have not been eating.” Wei Wuxian chuckles. This is not the appropriate response. 27k

Aus

meet me at friday at seven Wei Ying is a romantic and dreams of meeting the love of his life some day. After a string of bad dates he’s set up with a friend of a friend, and when Wei Ying sees a man across the bar with his gold eyes and white ribbon he’s immediately taken with him—too bad it turns out that’s not actually his date. Lan Zhan, Wei Ying learns, isn’t really into dating, but after he runs into him two more times by coincidence he believes, romance or friendship, he and Lan Zhan are destined to be together. 128k

there's no promised goodbye here Wei Wuxian navigates the trials of living with his ex-boyfriend in apartment 1301. 54k

leading tone The first time you touch someone you're fated to love, you leave a mark on their skin. If they will love you in return, they'll mark you where you touched them. The deeper the color, the deeper the connection. Wei Ying has no marks at all. 32k

我的皇后是農民 | sowing seeds in the cold palace Wei Ying is wed to emperor Lan Wangji in order to save the Gusu Lan empire. But instead of the blissful marriage he was promised, he is spurned and sent to the cold palace—until a chance encounter changes his fate. 84k

The Last Concubine Humiliated and taken as a concubine (but not touched) by Wen Rouhan, Lan Wangji is taken to a deserted area of the Imperial Palace and forgotten there, ignorant of all the political changes happening around him. When the new Emperor, Wei Wuxian, finds him, he has to choose between lying to Lan Wangji about everything that has happened and risking his life. 13k

my memory plays our tune, the same old song Someone moves into the vacant flat adjacent to Lan Wangji. They have a small son who cries himself to sleep every night. Reminded of his own troubles as a child, Lan Wangji takes the music box his mother gifted him and knocks on his new neighbour's door. If the music box was able to help him, there is no reason to believe it won't be able to help another child in distress, right? 15k

Reluctant partner how Meng Yao ended up being Wei Wuxian's birth partner. 31k

Closer Than Eternity In a world where immortals keep to themselves, one of them has decided to let himself be seen. 26k

I'll buy you the moon (I'll buy you two) Wei Wuxian swallows and exhales shakily. Lan Wangji is acting very collected for someone who just spotted a ghost. Shit. If Wei Wuxian survives this, he is going to have to fake his own death again. 28k

Post Mortem Life is a horror movie sometimes. You ignore all the warning signs. You end up standing there in the final scene, covered in blood, contemplating your life choices. Wei Ying is used to that. But it’s harder when you’re in love with your best friend. 28k

take me back to a time So, yeah. There’s enough on Wei Ying’s plate already, meaning it’s not entirely welcome when he comes home and finds a man standing in his bedroom. A man in extravagant white robes, a ribbon tied around his forehead, long hair gathered into a topknot, fist clutching a sword at his side, who asks him, “Where am I?” 143k

other earths and skies Increasingly desperate, Wei Wuxian turns to unconventional means to help the Wens. If one can call trading away a year of his life to live in a secluded estate with a mountain spirit 'unconventional'. Or, the 'east of the sun, west of the moon' one. 53k

how to fall in love with a catfish: a guide by wei wuxian (disaster rat) Wei Wuxian plots to expose a catfish using strategic memes and turtle pictures while wiggling his way out of family dinner. Lan Wangji just wants companions. 54k if the loml could be turned into a fic, it would be this fic

always be closing

During a long overdue divorce and messy custody battle, Wei Ying gets demoted to small business finance. There, he's partnered with a new closer who clearly hates him, until he finds out Lan Zhan is far more verbose—and dare he say flirtatious?—in writing than in speaking. 32k

finally safe (for me to fall) When he meets his first client, Wei Wuxian, he’s fully confident he can gain experience while also keeping details of his personal life from the caring older man. But as time progresses, and his relationship with Wei Wuxian begins to shift, Lan Wangji can’t stop the lines between professional and personal from blurring. 77k

Nothing but your heart

Thirteen years after Wei Ying received no response to his letters about their son, he meets Lan Zhan again. 21k

Smutty filth lol w maybe some plot

to know, to be known series Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian got together, of course. They're still figuring things out. Just gratuitous prn. Sometimes that's all you need.

plant the seed of your love, let it take root Lan Wangji has moved out of the city and back into his mother's old home in the country, inviting his alpha best friend Wei Wuxian to live there too. Platonically! As Friends! Then, the stay-at-home order hits...Then, his heat hits... 37k

at your feet Wei Wuxian brandishes his hand, coquettish like an empress. “Kiss my hand, Hanguang-Jun,” he says 2.6k

crawl on hands and knees until you see the fic where Lan Zhan verbally degrades Wei Ying while fucking him with Bichen, and also loves him very much. 4.3k rip bichen

A Lesson in Patience Just a moment ago Wuxian's dearest husband had walked out to take care of something; he requested that Wuxian wait until he was back to do anything. Of course he chose not to listen. What could he say, Wangji was hot when he got mad. 4.4k

to know that you're mine Lan Wangji immobilizes Wei Wuxian and fucks him all throughout his normal business day as Chief Cultivator, even with others around. 3.9k

The Strength to Hold Him Wei Ying's new golden core has grown stronger. Lan Wangji has some feelings about that. 7.9k

Thorough Investigation Wei Wuxian makes a minor mistake on a talisman he's testing. Or he makes a "micro" mistake. Lan Wangji is happy to help his husband work out the kinks. Kinks. Get it. This summary is a mess sorry. 6k

love like a hand at your throat Wei Ying catches wind of his horny, pregnant mate stuck in a meeting for the day. He intervenes. 3.5k

For Everyone To Hear Lan Zhan fingers Wei Ying under the cover of their dinner table. It leads to bathroom sex and embarrassment. 5.5k

walk my days on a wire To the rest of the tech industry, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are former classmates and bitter rivals. But the truth is quite different. During their monthly meet-ups at discreet hotels, they enjoy a very different kind of relationship. One evening, a fantasy spins out of control, forcing them to confront the truth: it's not just sex anymore. They both want something deeper, something serious. 27k

Tonal Vibration

One too many comments of “tag ur porn” on Lan Wangji’s extremely popular Youtube ASMR channel gets him thinking. Wei Wuxian, a middlingly popular camboy, and long-time fan of Hanguang-jun’s ASMR finds the new smutty dirty talk channel and films his reactions to it. 7k (podfic available)

Maybe You're the Reason

Lan Wangji clutches his phone in a tight grip. The dial tone drones a steady rhythm in time with his fluttering heart. Suddenly, the cloth of his shirt feels suffocating.

This is a mistake. He never should have written that number down—not from a flyer promising something so shameful. 67k

The Grandmaster of Dildonic Cultivation

Wei Wuxian invents a new toy. Lan Zhan helps him test it out. 7k

Curse shenanigans

come to my heart On a night hunt, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji get cursed and stuck in each other's bodies. As you would expect, shenanigans ensue. 29k

and fall to desire After a nighthunt, Wei Wuxian takes a curse meant for an inadequate husband. Lan Wangji happens to be in the wrong (right) place at the wrong (right) time. 14k

beneath six layers of silk While exorcising a haunting, Lan Wangji gets cursed with a brand of honesty, and is forced to speak his every thought out loud. 12k

with such a suffering, such a deadly life Staring down at their hands, Lan Zhan shakes his head. It's a slow, loose shake, so different from his tight movements of just moments ago. Almost like he's drunk. An uncomfortable thought arises at this apparent level of relief. "How...how long have you been in pain?" Wei Wuxian asks. Lan Wangji is so preoccupied on one of his precious, rare nighthunts with Wei Wuxian that he does not feel it when a tiny, quiet curse latches onto him. 7.1k

Linger in the Sun "Tell Lan Zhan that I'm weeping uncontrollably," Wei Wuxian says to the juniors. "Tell him I'm truly pitiful and he needs to do everything I say until I'm well again." Lan Congyi is in the middle of carefully holding his eyelids open to check his pupils, but he still obeys, bless him. "Hanguang-Jun, Senior Wei would like us to tell you that he can't stop crying and he'd like for you to do everything he says until he's better." There's a moment of silence, and then Lan Congyi says to Wei Wuxian, "Hanguang-Jun says he already does everything you tell him." -- Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji find themselves cursed, unable to see or hear each other. They figure things out anyway. 39k

grow “Okay,” Jingyi says, as Sizhui puzzles this out aloud. “Okay! So the demon has been turning its victims into children.” “I think so,” Sizhui says. “To make them easier prey,” Jingyi says. “Yes,” Sizhui says. “So—” Jingyi’s voice cracks here, “this kid is Senior Wei.” Wei Wuxian, still tangled in his own massive robes, blinks politely at them. (Or: Wei Wuxian is cursed on a night-hunt, and the junior quartet rapidly finds themselves in over their heads.) 14k

moonlight caught in mutton fat It wasn’t bone. It was too smooth. It caught the light like something greased. “A curse,” Lan Wangji breathed, because it could only be such. The Twin Jades of Lan get turned to jade. 45k

your hand in mine

A curse brings Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji together—literally. 20k

Others (pov of other characters, humor, other minor ships, etc)

anyway, here's wuji Lan Jingyi comes of age. 18k

Losing My Mind On a drunken dare, Jiang Cheng drinks a potion that allows him to hear other people’s lustful thoughts. It’s just his luck that he’s stuck in close vicinity with the guy who is completely and utterly besotted with his idiot brother. 6k

Bestseller when Wei Wuxian writes the Xianxia cut-sleeve equivalent of Fifty Shades of Grey, based entirely on his experiences with Lan Wangji, he doesn’t expect it to become the next big hit 7k

Important Distinctions Father arched an eyebrow and lifted his chin. Jingyi said, “Hanguang-jun would like to respectfully state that he thinks you are a punk-ass bitch.” “Lan Jingyi!” another Lan disciple hissed, horrified. “He said it with his eyes,” Jingyi protested. “It’s Expression 321.” Sizhui fished the book out of his qiankun pouch and flipped through it. One of the Ouyang junior disciples sidled over to him and peered over his shoulder. “There really is a book.” 5.3k

Model Behaviour Jiang Cheng watches his nephew attempt the impossible: seducing the purest Lan disciple. If Lans could bet, Lan Xichen would have wagered in Jin Ling’s favour. 1.3k

you are my chosen family 5 times sizhui and jingyi accidentally call wei wuxian and lan wangji dad, and the 1 time they do it on purpose. 14k

My heart in my sleeve Wei Wuxian needs a new workshop. Lan Wangji has room in his qiankun sleeves. 2k let lwj spoil his husband

Audience Of One

that AU where everyone is famous in some way or another, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have been dating in private for years, and Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng pretend to date publicly for their brothers' sake. 181k

This is XiCheng, Wangxian is bg only.

Attempting the Impossible

Jiang Cheng gathers up his determination in both hands and goes to the Cloud Recesses to embark on one of the most difficult endeavors he can imagine: Repairing his relationship with his brother.

To his surprise, he discovers he's become an uncle again... several times over.

Wei Wuxian, what the fuck?! 36k

#mdzs #the untamed #wangxian #wangxian fic rec #the grandmaster of demonic cultivation #mdzs fics

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darke15 · 2 years

Note

Hello hello, goodmorning Darke!

I just wanted to say that i frekken love and im obsessed with the whole BSUniverse, from the main aftrrmath fic to TS&TS and the red room and rhe oneshots. It blows my mind to think you've been working and writing since 2016. So first of all a round of applause for the hard work and for not giving up 🙌 (side note: you're almost at 50.000 hits on ao3 🥳🥳🥳)I dont know why but it makes me so happy and proud of you even though Ive only known you since last july/august lol Happy 60th chapter!

Reading and still thinking about chapter 60 makes me so jittery and anxious (in a postive way?) about all the 2010/11 stuff, especially from the dune pov. Also cant help but wonder if the billy russo from the punisher #references are about him being tsts season2 villain.

Rami malek as rook and Christoph Waltz as Novak.. is being a sexy motherfucker a requirement for being a villain with capital V in this universe?? 🤔 also cant forget ace.. we know so little of him and that makes me even more curious: who do you see portrayed as him?

Speaking of evil, we cant forget villainapprenticebitchboy Wraith. Ive seen very little asks about him, maybe bc we know veeery little of him. I think the majority of us readers think its Danny behind the mask .. cant help but wonder if you've been gaslighting us since forever, but either way with the wraith face reveal imma scream so loud you'll be able to hear me from the other side of the world.

Will we see more of his side/background only in Aftermath or there will be little tiny cheeky eatereggs in ts&ts2 too (since ghost came back here)?

Honestly cant wait for more evil business from Novak, Wraith and Ace.

For a more generic question (maybe easier and non spoilery as the others??) did you plan every turnup and have you already planned future ones? Do you know how the aftermath fic ends or its a day by day carpe diem mindset? 🤙 how do you pace yourself with the writing and brainstorming ideas process?

I know its not really a question to ask.. but Whos you're favorite child? Whos your favorite character to write?

I feel like ive written too much stuff and asked very spoilable?questions Soooo obv feel free to to answer however you like and the bits you like!!!

Have a nice dayy!

Hello there!!!

I just wanted to say that i frekken love and im obsessed with the whole BSUniverse, from the main aftrrmath fic to TS&TS and the red room and rhe oneshots.

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you like them! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

It blows my mind to think you've been working and writing since 2016.

Saaaaaaaaaaaammmeeee 🤯🤯🤯 feels like only yesterday I had a panic attack posting the first chapter 🙂

So first of all a round of applause for the hard work and for not giving up 🙌 (side note: you're almost at 50.000 hits on ao3 🥳🥳🥳)

No shit? Am I really? *Scurries to AO3 to check* Holy shit I am 😂

I dont know why but it makes me so happy and proud of you even though Ive only known you since last july/august lol Happy 60th chapter!

Reading and still thinking about chapter 60 makes me so jittery and anxious (in a postive way?) about all the 2010/11 stuff, especially from the dune pov.

Same tho 🥲 all the little pieces are finally coming together. I never thought we'd make it this far 🙃

Also cant help but wonder if the billy russo from the punisher #references are about him being tsts season2 villain.

🤔🤔🤔 hmmmmmmm maybe 😏 maybe not 😏

Rami malek as rook and Christoph Waltz as Novak.. is being a sexy motherfucker a requirement for being a villain with capital V in this universe??

Yes. Sexy motherfucker's are my jam ✌🏻

🤔 also cant forget ace.. we know so little of him and that makes me even more curious: who do you see portrayed as him?

Speaking of evil, we cant forget villainapprenticebitchboy Wraith.

🤣🤣🤣 when I tell you I cackled

Ive seen very little asks about him, maybe bc we know veeery little of him. I think the majority of us readers think its Danny behind the mask .. cant help but wonder if you've been gaslighting us since forever, but either way with the wraith face reveal imma scream so loud you'll be able to hear me from the other side of the world.

I'm counting on it 😈

Will we see more of his side/background only in Aftermath or there will be little tiny cheeky eatereggs in ts&ts2 too (since ghost came back here)?

😏😏😏 I'm not gonna tell 🤫🤫🤫

For a more generic question (maybe easier and non spoilery as the others??) did you plan every turnup and have you already planned future ones?

Generally, I'm flying by the seat of my pants. I have zero clue what's going on most of the time but I make it work.

Wraith was never supposed to happen. The Ace of Spades was never supposed to happen. Novak was supposed to be the bad guy, end of story.

But.....then I thought "Well...wouldn't it be fun if I had more baddies to play with?" So I made more bad beans.

And I think I decided it early enough that it still made sense 🤞🏻 hopefully

Do you know how the aftermath fic ends or its a day by day carpe diem mindset? 🤙

I know the general area of how it ends but it's subject to change depending on how some of the plot points go.

Things translate differently on paper than they do in my head so I'm constantly tweaking things until it makes sense.

how do you pace yourself with the writing and brainstorming ideas process?

Since I have a vague idea of the route we need to take, I always start with a summary. I do a quick rundown of what each character is gonna do through the chapter:

Ghost does this while dealing with this. Boone discovers this while Duke and Jack do this. Wraith continues to be a nefarious piece of shit.

Then I'll go into a real outline and I'll keep in mind that most of the time, we're gonna wanna stay with Ghost. So if we can weave her into most of it, or a little of everyone's chapter arc, we're good.

From outlining I got straight into scripting. I find that it helps me get better dialogue and it helps the writing process go faster because I don't have to come up with what my characters are gonna say on the spot I just have to add their actions.

After scripting I dive into writing, following both the outline and the script and changing a few things as we go.

I know its not really a question to ask.. but Whos you're favorite child? Whos your favorite character to write?

🤣🤣🤣🤣 you can't ask me that boone 🤣🤣🤣 it'll offend them and duke🤣🤣🤣

But, for real, Boonie is the most fun to write because she's all over the place. But I've loved Duke ever since y'all didn't like him when he showed up in New Eden for the first time. And Ghost is wonderful too, because she's a smart, troublemaking badass.

And then there's Belov and the rest of Alpha 2 that are really growing in me because of TS&TS. It's really hard to pick a favorite when there's pieces of me in each and every one of them.

I feel like ive written too much stuff and asked very spoilable?questions Soooo obv feel free to to answer however you like and the bits you like!!!

Thank you so much! I love long asks and going into detail 😊 it's a lotta fun for me. Thanks for sticking around, I can't wait to get further into the BS:U this year 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

#talk to me goose #anonymous avengers #anonymous avengers ask away #ask me things #ask me literally anything

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novannna · 3 years

Note

Idk if this counts as a fic request? But If you're cool with it, maybe you can write a little thing about your OCs? I really liked hearing about Sloane and Jordan!!

ANON I LOVE YOUUUUU

ahhh i will forever talk ab them 🥺🥺 i love them so much tysm for listenign me scream incoherently ab them

i wasn't exactly sure what you wanted, so i wrote their first meeting (if you wanted something different, lemme know, i will happily write more of them ajhfsadf)

some background info that i may or may not have already said, idk, but im saying again: Jordan's name is technically Lydia Jordan, she changes it after she meets sloane, sloane works for a nameless organization where people hire thieves to steal for them, through the organization, and the organization in turn provides housing, and food, and safety, as well as guaranteed jobs.

this is all probably v confusing im so bad at explaining stuff, ask if you have questions!

also i kinda dont like this i was only partly coherent when i wrote this, but whatever :)

Sloane pulled at her dress, nose wrinkling as the fabric itched against her skin.

“Are you sure I have to wear shoes Elias?” She asked the man next to them.

He glared at her. “Yes. Sloane, this is for real now. You have to act proper. Stop fidgeting.”

Sloane sulked. “I am proper.”

Elias groaned. “Why did I have to be the one stuck with a fucking child?”

“I’m not a child!” Sloane protested. “I’ll knock you to your ass again, if you want me to prove it. And you’re only 10 years older than me, it’s not that much!”

“If you’re so grown up, then stop complaining.”

Sloane glared but didn’t say anything. They were sitting in a carriage, waiting to arrive at the Duke of Cantol’s manor. They had been hired to steal a case of jewels, hidden away somewhere within the grand building. The only way to steal them was to pose as nobles, and infiltrate the Duke’s solstice party themselves.

This was Sloane’s first real job. Before this, she had only done petty crime for the elders. Minor pickpocketing, and stealing for low paying clients.

This was their chance to prove themself, both as a thief worthy of jobs given out by the elders, and a chance to prove that she wasn’t merely a child.

The only problem was, Sloane had never interacted with nobles before. The other thieves had put her through rigorous training, everything from how to respond to questions, to which cutlery to use.

But it didn’t matter if this was all new to her. Sloane was prepared. These were high stakes, where they worked best. They wouldn’t fail.

Slowly, the carriage pulled to a halt.

“Remember, do not speak out of turn. You know your job?” Elias asked.

Sloane nodded. “Find out where the jewels are, then report back to you. I remember everything.”

Elias nodded, only partially sated. “And-”

“And don’t complain,” Sloane interrupted. “I know.”

“Good. Don’t forget who you are, and who they are. Don’t give them a reason to doubt you.”

Sloane nodded. Though her face was a perfect mask of emotions, her stomach was writhing. Their fingers were tapping out a pattern onto her leg, the familiar motion a relief.

Elias opened the door, and together they stepped out onto the lush lawn.

---

Lydia hated everything, she had decided. She hated her dress, which pinched her ribs and kept her from breathing in a deep breath. She hated her shoes, terrible contraptions that threatened to send her tumbling to the floor with each step. She hated all the formal dinners that her family had to attend.

It was ridiculous! Why couldn’t they just stay in Roidan? It’s where they lived, after all. There was no point in traveling across the country to attend a pointless dinner.

But, despite everything there was a glimmer of hope in Lydia. A week ago, she had heard whispers of priceless jewels within the Duke of Cantol’s manor, and an anonymous person who had wished to possess them. Lydia had heard that someone would steal them, and she was determined to stop them. Determined to show how skilled she was with both her blades and her wit. Determined to show that she wasn’t the helpless little girl everyone insisted on seeing.

Lydia was so much more. She just needed everyone else to see it as well.

“Lydia! Stop pouting, and hurry up!” Her mom bustled into the room, her gown an atrocious combination of velvet and tulle. It nearly swallowed Lydia up, as her mom grabbed her hand, and pulled her through the doorway.

“The Duke was kind enough to allow us to stay here, and you thank him by making us late?” Her mother sighed. “When will you grow up?”

Lydia bit back a retort, instead gripped the handle of a dagger buried within the folds of her dress. It had been her fathers, until she had stolen it years ago and taught herself how to use it.

Lydia kept her mouth shut, and her fingers strangling the hard hilt. Head raised high, Lydia followed her mother down the grand stairs, and into the dining room.

The room was large, with at least twenty people sitting around a large, deep mahogany table. Lydia vaguely wondered how much it had cost.

Looking around the table, she barely registered the faces. She knew everyone. Until her gaze settled on a mismatched pair, sitting closest to the door.

A man, with short red hair, and soft pink skin sat next to a girl, looking to be about Lydia’s age. The girl had dark skin and hair a black so deep, Lydia thought she was looking at a starless sky. She was not from here, that was for sure. Lydia felt herself be drawn to her, as if some form of magnetic attraction.

“Lydia,” her mother hissed. “Sit!” She nearly forced Lydia into the chair, right next to the duke himself.

Lydia tried not to grimace. She didn’t want to spend the evening wearing a forced smile and pretend to be the perfect lady. She looked up again, trying to spot a glimpse of the other girl. She sat perfectly still, her back almost like a ruler. Her face was perfectly poised, just the slightest hint of a smile, no sign of anger or uncomfortableness. She looked perfectly at ease.

Lydia had to stop herself from sighing. Disappointing. Another perfect noble, someone Lydia could never be. Never wanted to be.

And then, she spotted the crack in the other girl's impenetrable armor. Her fingers, tapping out an anxious rhythm against the elegant table cloth. That tiny sliver of personality, of imperfection made Lydia almost burst into a grin.

Under the layers of makeup, and finery, and jewels, she was still a child, just like Lydia. She was human. She was human, and she was real, and maybe, just maybe, Lydia could be real too.

But it was foolish to entertain such an unrealistic notion. So Lydia tamped her smile down, and turned to her food, ignoring the stare the other girl was burning into her head.

---

“Who will be most likely to know where the jewels are?” Elias asked Sloane under his breath.

Sloane glanced around the table. “The Duke, and a few of the servants.” Her eyes were fixed on the only other child at the table. A girl, around her age sat next to the Duke, her blonde hair twisted into a bun. A few strands had escaped, and were floating loose around her head. The girl was staring at her food, refusing to look around.

“Sloane!” Elias hissed.

Sloane stiffened with annoyance. “What?” they spat.

“I asked who you will need to talk to to discern the location of the jewels?”

“This isn’t a quiz. You don’t need to test me, I’ll get it done.”

“I do, actually,” Elias responded. “I’m not just here to steal, I’m here to supervise and see if you actually could handle a permanent position within the organization. The elders asked me to oversee, and if all went satisfactory, then you would get a chance. And if not… well failure isn’t tolerated.”

Sloane froze. She knew a lot had been riding on this for her, but she hadn’t known how much. She hadn’t known everything was.

“I’ll ask again. Who will you ask?”

“The girl,” Sloane said quickly. She nodded across the table pointedly.

“Her? She has no idea where they are!”

Sloane sighed. “Yes, but young ears are attuned to what others miss. And, I’m her age. Befriend her, get her to trust me, and I’ll find them.”

“You think that’ll work?” Elias scoffed.

“I’m willing to bet everything on it,” Sloane responded. She turned her fiery gaze to him. “Trust me, I can do this.”

Elias hesitated, before reluctantly nodding. “If you’re sure… But the servants would be a better choice.”

Sloane didn’t respond. They turned her gaze back to the girl, mind already racing to plot it all out.

---

Lydia walked her perfect little steps, completely in sync with her mom. She kept her head bowed low, and eyes downcast.

Perfect daughter, perfect lady.

God, she was tired of it all. Her hands had the imprint of a dagger on them, from clutching the blade so tight.

A hand reached out, touching her shoulder.

It was the girl, a slight smile on her face and a far off gleam in her eyes.

Her other companion stood right behind her, his suit tailored and pressed to perfection.

“My Lady, if I may,” he said smoothly, his voice like butter, “my young cousin hasn’t often gotten the opportunity to interact with ones of her own age. I was wondering, with your permission, if the two of them might be able to talk, if only for a bit?” His hands rested on the girls shoulders.

Lydia looked up at her mom, daring to hope.

“I suppose. My little girl is much the same. Why don’t we let the two of them run along to the library.” Her mom knelt down her face at Lydia’s level now. “Learn what you can about them, yes dear? What threat they may pose to your future crown. And don’t forget who you are.” She gripped Lydia’s shoulders tightly.

Lydia nodded. Always some scheme, and other motive. Just once, could her mother let her have something with no string attached?

“Good girl. Now run along, and don’t forget.” With a barely concealed shove, she sent Lydia tumbling down a side hallway, the other girl close behind.

Lydia led them to the library, not bothering to talk. Her throat was tight with something other than tears. She pushed open the ornate wooden doors, and practically collapsed inside.

The other girl looked around the room with a critical eye. Looking at everything, Lydia noted. Interesting.

“Where are you from?” Lydia blurted out. “I’ve never seen you before.”

The other girl turned to face her, amused. “You presume to know everyone in this world, then?” Her voice was more rough than Lydia expected, and strangely lilted, as if trying to hide something underneath.

Lydia blushed. “No. But I know most nobles. I’ve never met you before. So, where are you from?”

“Abrynth, as are you.”

“You don’t look it,” Lydia retorted bluntly.

The other girl laughed. “Straight forwards and honest. You're different.” Not a question, just a simple fact.

But it was so much more.

“And is that good?” Lydia couldn’t help but ask.

The other girl paused. “Well, I personally think that when everything’s the same, we lose sight of what we are as a whole.”

“And that is….?”

The other girl grinned, showing a flash of white teeth. “One people, no good and no bad. All unique and all the same. Something so beautiful and powerful.”

“So good then?”

“Definitely.” The other girl extended a hand out to Lydia. “I’m Sloane.”

Lydia paused, hesitant to reply. She didn’t want this girl to know the proper lady she was supposed to be. The one raised to one day court the prince, and hopefully become queen. The one whose very name meant royalty. Her mom’s voice echoed in her head, saying, “Lydia means noble one, beautiful one. You’ll live up to that one day. Focus, and one day you’ll be queen, at the King’s side.”

Lydia hated that version of herself. It wasn’t true. It wasn’t her.

But she was a Jordan. Sharp tongued and quick witted. Handy with a blade, but not so with words. She was her fathers daughter, the son he had wanted in every way but gender.

“Jordan,” Lydia replied, shaking Sloane’s hand firmly. Just a single word, but it changed everything. And it felt so right.

“I’m pleased to meet your acquaintance,” Sloane said, grinning.

“Likewise.”

---

Despite everything, Sloane couldn’t help but like Jordan. The noble was more aware than the others. She was smart, and bright, and honest.

But Sloane only felt a little guilty about using her. It wasn’t like she was hurting Jordan by doing this anyways. She was helping herself, and no one else. It wasn’t as if Jordan wanted for anything, after all. She was a noble. The world practically bowed at her feet.

“Is this your first time here?” Jordan asked, breaking the silence.

Sloane nodded. “My cousin doesn’t often travel. This is his first time bringing me anywhere.”

“Your parents don’t bring you?”

Sloane froze, unsure how to respond. What had they decided her backstory was? Fuck.

“They’re dead. I live with my cousin now, at least till I’m old enough to be on my own.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jordan said, actually seeming sincere.

Sloane smiled slightly. “Thank you. I try not to think about it too much.”

Jordan nodded. “Well, that’s understandable.”

Sloane nodded, with what they hoped was appreciation. In truth, it felt more like a grimace.

For a few hours, Sloane let them get lost in the world. She and Jordan talked about everything. Sloane was surprised by their similarities. It was only when Jordan’s shoulders finally relaxed, and her fists stopped clenching in her dress, that sloane knew the other girl fully trusted her.

“I was wondering,” she added, making her tone more shy, and apprehensive. “My uncle had mentioned the Duke was an avid collector of all things old. Have you seen any of them?”

Jordan’s face gleamed. “No, but I know where they are,” she said, smirking. “Do you want to see?”

Sloane hesitated. “Is that allowed?”

Jordan’s grin widened. “No.” She extended a hand, and Sloane hesitantly placed her own inside it.

She knew she had been right. Jordan had been the right person to use. She was leading Sloane towards the goal, not a doubt in her mind. Sloane would earn her place within the organization. The elders would see that she truly was a worthy thief. She’d show them.

Sloane followed Jordan as she led them out of the library, and through the halls. They were mostly quiet now, the guests retired to the parlor by now. It was just Sloane and Jordan, almost as if no one else had ever existed.

Jordan stopped in front of a door, and slowly pushed it inwards.

Sloane bit back a gasp as she saw the trove of treasures within. The room was a study, but it seemed more storage than anything. Priceless pieces were arranged on bookshelves and cases all over the room.

Old pieces of pottery, and intricate blades. Tapestries, and scrolls cracked with age.

But no jewels. Yet.

“Oh,” Sloane breathed, breathless from the beauty. And anger crackling within her ribs. These were all no doubt stolen from other nations and people. She couldn’t help but wonder how many of these things had come without the price of blood.

Jordan was similarly mesmerized, her eyes stuck on a pair of matching daggers.

“This is amazing,” Sloane said. “There’s so much.”

Jordan’s eyes brightened. “But would you like to see more?”

Sloane’s body tensed with anticipation. She was only supposed to locate the jewels, but if she could steal them now, then it would be less risky, wouldn’t it? No one would believe Jordan if she said the other girl at dinner had taken them. Barely anyone even noticed them. She doubted that they had all even realized she had been there.

“There’s more?” Sloane widened her eyes.

Jordan grinned, and stepped to a tapestry hanging on the walls. “I heard from a servant that the Duke had demanded nobody touch this tapestry. Claimed it was fragile. But-” she tugged it off the wall, sending the fabric tumbling to the floor. “I believe differently,” she said proudly, standing next to a newly revealed hole in the wall. A small wooden chest gleamed from within. Sloane felt her feet carry her closer, her deft fingers opening the box, and a smile lighting up her face as a collection of red, blue, and white stones gleamed up at her.

“Are these…?” Sloane asked, barely needing confirmation.

Jordan peared over her shoulder. “Ruby, diamond, and sapphire,” she whispered. “That’s gotta be worth…” she whistled. “At least 300,000 crowns.”

Sloane grinned. Confirmation enough. She snapped the lid shut, and turned to face Jordan sharply.

“Thank you, My Lady,” Sloane smirked, curtsying shallowly. “You’ve been quite helpful.” She grabbed the tiny chest, and shoved it into a pocket sewn into the inside of her skirt.

Jordan stared at her slack jawed with confusion. Then, realization dawned upon her. “It was you! You were the one who was going to steal tonight.”

Sloane stared at the girl, head cocked in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“I knew someone was attempting to steal tonight. But it should have been a man! An adult! You… You’re just a little girl.”

Sloane snorted. “Well, that little girl has places to be, and money to make. Get out of my way Jordan.”

“You used me,” Jordan spat. “I wanted a friend for the night, and you just wanted those jewels.”

Sloane rolled her eyes. “Don’t take it personally. If it makes you feel better, I didn’t completely lie about everything, I was pleased to make your acquaintance. You led me here, after all.” Sloane smirked. She was on top of the world. She was going to prove the world that she was good. She wasn’t just another useless pickpocket. That one day, she was going places. “Now get out of my way, and forget you ever met me. It’s easier for both of us that way.”

Jordan’s eyes narrowed. “I can’t let that happen.” She reached into the folds of her dress, and drew a long silver dagger.

“Put that back before you kill yourself,” Sloane scoffed.

“Try me.” Jordan was all hard edges now. Gone was the soft laughter, and gently smiles. She was completely serious.

Sloane was starting to think that Jordan was more than she had said she was. But it didn’t matter. No matter how good Jordan might be, Sloane would be better. She wasn’t ready to let herself be defeated by a noble. Not now, not ever.

Sloane darted forwards, quicker than lightning. She jabbed under Jordan’s stomach, knocking the wind out of the girl.

Jordan recovered quickly, and threw a punch towards Sloane’s face, grazing her cheek bone.

Sloane ducked under another blow, and kicked her legs out at Jordan’s face while flipping out of the noble’s hands.

Jordan knew what she was doing, Sloane would admit. In a fair fight, she may even stand a chance. But Sloane didn’t fight fair. She fought rough, and dirty. She survived, no matter what her actions were. That's where the two girls differed.

Sloane tackled Jordan, knocking them into a display case, the glass breaking under their weight.

“You aren’t getting away,” Jordan grunted.

Sloane laughed. “Keep telling yourself that,” she hissed. Sloane grinned, and leapt away from Jordan, right before the girl swung a punch towards her unprotected face.

Sloane backed away quickly, letting Jordan block the door.

“Nowhere to go,” Jordan taunted. “What’ll you do now.”

“My lady, it has been a pleasure,” Sloane said, bowing deeply. “But I’m afraid I’m needed elsewhere, and must call it a night.” In a single smooth motion, Sloane leapt out of the window, sending jagged shards of glass everywhere.

Jordan leapt forwards, too late to stop her.

Sloane had managed to catch a hold of the balcony on the next room over, and was quickly scaling down the wall, using ledges and decorative gargoyles as holds, Jordan’s silver dagger clenched between her teeth.

Sloane finally dropped to the ground, and waved up at Jordan standing far above. She slipped the stolen dagger into her waistline, and reached up into her skirt, pulling out the jewels.

The box was still shut tight, the contents rattling around inside.

“What the hell?” Elias screamed, running around the corner. “Locate them! You were supposed to locate them! We need to go, before the Duke realizes a child tried to steal his prize jewels.” He hooked his arm through Sloane’s and started dragging her away. “You aren’t ready to steal them. You ruined the job, for both of us.” He glared at Sloane. “You are taking blame for this. This is your failure.”

“Failure?” Sloane asked. “What do you mean? I got them!” She held out the box, rattling the jewels inside.”

Elias stopped dead in his tracks. “You got them? You actually succeeded?”

“Yes,” Sloane responded, her voice laced with annoyance. “I’m a good thief, a good fighter, a good liar. I’ve been trying to prove this to you all along. I did it. Will you recommend me to the elders now?”

Elias sniffed. “You are reckless, arrogant, loud. You are unable to follow simple instructions. But, you got it done.” He smiled slightly. “You impressed me, little thief. Well done.”

Sloane grinned. She cast her gaze back to the broken window one last time, where she could make out the shape of Jordan, still standing and staring at the two thieves.

Sloane bowed, as if she was on a stage, performing some great act. Then she hurried to catch up to Elias, and her future.

---

Lydia was furious with her mother, with Sloane, but mostly with herself. She had allowed Sloane to find the jewels, and couldn’t even stop her. Lydia was a failure.

But she wouldn’t be again.

Sloane may have bested Lydia once, but never again. She’d see the thief again, and Lydia would catch her, and prove to the world that she was more than just a lady, meant to sit and look pretty. She was strong, smart, and talented.

She’d catch the thief, and show them all who she was.

Not a beautiful noble lady, as her first name suggested.

No. Lydia had never felt right for a reason. It wasn’t who she was. She was Jordan, loyal to the country, and to herself.

She wasn’t anything but that.

Her name was Jordan, and she would catch Sloane, and make her hurt for giving Jordan a glimpse of a future she could never have. .

#asks #request #sloane #jordan #my oc's #slordan ✨(still laughing ab that)#heavy is the head #enemies to lovers wip #ty!#anon

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: where the fuck mckenna Joe: stuck at this thing Ronnie: like i fucking said Ronnie: where Joe: oh Joe: this kid from my course was doing open mic so we all had to show up Ronnie: youve done youre time then yeah Joe: overtime Joe: i wanna be home bad Ronnie: leave Ronnie: whats keeping you there Joe: them Joe: you know how people are Joe: buying me more drinks Ronnie: fuck em Ronnie: down whatever youre on & fuck off Joe: i will Joe: i am Joe: you picked up or am i Ronnie: its on you Ronnie: for the radio silence Joe: come on baby Joe: can't hear myself in here nevermind my phone Ronnie: not your fucking baby Joe: don't be like that Ronnie: i dont only exist when its quiet in your head Ronnie: thank fuck Joe: no one does then Joe: that's the whole point ain't it Ronnie: the point is where the fuck have you been Joe: i told you ron Joe: if i didnt have to i wouldn't be gone from you Ronnie: if you werent a pussy you wouldnt have to do fuck all Ronnie: grow a pair for christs sake Ronnie: baby is fucking right Joe: ive got to go out sometime Joe: if i didn't show to uni i couldn't afford half the shit we cop Ronnie: you aint at classes Ronnie: so unless some bitch off it is paying you to escort i call bullshit Joe: sadly not Joe: see if any of 'em are game maybe Ronnie: with 1 foot out the door Ronnie: you wish Ronnie: no fucking game when youre trying to play fuck all except cello Joe: 💘 for my cello skills Ronnie: youve got groupies Ronnie: go cry to em like Joe: you're sick of me, yeah Ronnie: work it out cunt Joe: we don't need to play games Ronnie: goin from baby to middle fucking aged aint cute Joe: you've got it covered for the both of us Ronnie: fuck you Joe: now I can't call you cute Ronnie: you cant call me old shithead Joe: i weren't idiot Joe: come on Joe: it'll all be good when i get there Ronnie: you come on Ronnie: I could be fucking dead Joe: you aren't Joe: don't say that Ronnie: no thanks to you Ronnie: or fucks given by you Joe: stop it Joe: you're the only person i care about Joe: literally Joe: not even myself Ronnie: & this is how you show it yeah Joe: i'm shit Joe: i know it but i never told you no different Ronnie: get another drink bought for you mckenna Ronnie: drown in it Joe: we got better plans Joe: and methods Ronnie: stop pissing about then Joe: will you be my baby again Ronnie: not that easy Joe: what if i get you something special Ronnie: do it & find out Ronnie: why the fuck would i commit to a yeah for a maybe Joe: 'cos you know i'm gonna Ronnie: your word is for shit Ronnie: i know that Joe: fine Joe: i'll stop talking Ronnie: promises promises baby Joe: 😶 Ronnie: left yet Joe: just me and my two feet Joe: no promises Ronnie: if you aint & youre silent on me to talk to some other bitch you wont be walking anywhere Ronnie: thats a fucking promise like Joe: if you were trying to get me to go faster Joe: why would i wanna talk to anyone else Ronnie: why else go out with those doss cunts Joe: part of it is keeping 'em thinking i'm normal Joe: can't just show up and nod out Ronnie: youre the only 1 with your ma on speed dial Ronnie: who fucking cares Joe: means i don't need to go back don't it Joe: or would you rather i was in dublin every other weekend Joe: i do what i gotta for a reason you know that Ronnie: theres fuck all need to have that many playmates Ronnie: if you planned that it was to piss me off Joe: i wouldn't need to plan that Ronnie: fuck you Joe: and i didn't Joe: they're boring Ronnie: 💔 Joe: i am Joe: i miss you Ronnie: you dont Joe: yeah i fucking do Ronnie: you fucking dont Joe: how do you want me to prove it Joe: tell me Ronnie: i aint spoonfeeding you ever day of your fucking life Ronnie: not that bitch Joe: you want it you ask for it Ronnie: you wanna prove yourself do it Joe: i will Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: picked a boss day for romance Joe: have i Joe: i'm always romantic Ronnie: dont you know what day it is Joe: oh Joe: lol yeah Joe: i'll get you garage flowers instead Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: theyll die quicker than you Joe: picky Joe: put the rig to another use after then Joe: 🥀 v classic Ronnie: ill carve it into my arm as you like it so much Ronnie: cheers for the easy design Joe: you could wait 'til I'm there Joe: so mean, baby Ronnie: course you wanna watch Ronnie: putting down the glass like Joe: if you don't know me by now Ronnie: so misunderstood yeah Joe: 💔 Joe: you wish Ronnie: yeah you know me proper well Joe: bollocks Ronnie: keep the sweet talk coming baby Joe: that's not what you like Joe: silence is golden Ronnie: you reckon you know what i like now Joe: yeah Ronnie: took you long enough Joe: you been waiting all your life yeah Ronnie: shut the fuck up Ronnie: puked enough today cheers Joe: see? s'your favourite Joe: can't get enough Ronnie: hating you fuels me Ronnie: aint denying it Joe: you're so welcome Ronnie: got that from your avoidance tactics Joe: i'll turn around then Joe: give you a real reason to live Ronnie: try it Ronnie: ill fucking kill you Joe: have to come find me first Ronnie: yeah & Joe: you threatening me with a good time ain't how this day is supposed to go Joe: know that much Ronnie: itll go however the fuck i say Joe: yeah? Ronnie: you know that much about me mckenna Joe: ain't denying nothing me Ronnie: too busy doing it round your besties Joe: 'cos i don't owe them shit Joe: only you get to know me like that Ronnie: you said you were killing the sweet talk Joe: it ain't its just how it is Joe: you know me Joe: no one else, end of Ronnie: come be with me then Joe: i am Joe: one stop but that'll be worth it Joe: come to mine and stay yeah Joe: don't wanna see the others Ronnie: ill be there before you Ronnie: few streets away Joe: good Joe: i like it when you're there Ronnie: want me to kick the door in so your flatmate girlfriend has a heart attack Joe: go on Joe: if she lives i'll say you forgot your keys Ronnie: ill say its your 💘 day pressie Ronnie: all for you baby Joe: if you're also in a mac, believable Joe: her boyfriend dumped her so she'll definitely be in Ronnie: tonights the night for that 3some Ronnie: hot Joe: only if you kill her first 😏 Ronnie: we need her tears for lube Ronnie: think it through like Joe: we've always got blood, baby Ronnie: keep it up & ill deffo stay Joe: forever Ronnie: ive been waiting all fucking day for you Joe: i'm sorry Joe: i'm making it up to you, alright Ronnie: i mean hurry up Joe: 🚖 it and everything Ronnie: your gf will be thrilled Ronnie: can hear her crying from here like Joe: maybe its the cat Joe: very similar Ronnie: watch your fucking mouth bitch Joe: 😂 Ronnie: 😾 Joe: you're both very cute Ronnie: say that again & well both fuck you up Joe: adorable Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: 👼 you Ronnie: you wish soft cunt Joe: nah Joe: but i'll survive Ronnie: you fucking wont Ronnie: i know you like Ronnie: & what you like Joe: 'cos its you Joe: all you Ronnie: ruined your gfs rom com Ronnie: shes gonna need some of whatever the fuck youre bringing Joe: too bad Joe: its for you Joe: i might have some benzos she can have though Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: its wild being here when you aint & she is Joe: rude of her to have her drug-fuelled orgies when i ain't in Ronnie: party can really start now i am Ronnie: know shes dying to break the tension Ronnie: 👊💋 Joe: won't make you wait for me on that score, babe Ronnie: like you could Ronnie: bitch is ready to go Joe: you trying to make me jealous of sophie Ronnie: wouldnt use her Ronnie: fuck that Joe: awh Joe: 👼 Ronnie: you trying to say shes hot enough to bait you Ronnie: step your pussy up mckenna Joe: no Joe: i'm saying if you wanted to i would Joe: i'd obviously do anything for and with you Ronnie: we aint taking her virginity Ronnie: youre hard enough fucking work Joe: shut up 😏 Ronnie: make me baby Joe: that's part 2 of the plan Ronnie: you gonna talk me through it or you gonna do it Joe: i know what you like Joe: and how you feel about talking Joe: even if it ain't no empty words bullshit Ronnie: youve still got your tongue Ronnie: means i must wanna hear some shit youve got to say Joe: that means i can tell you all how you won't regret giving sid my tongue as a toy when it can be yours Ronnie: you wont regret leaving those cunts there & coming back to me Ronnie: [pics from his bed like hey it's me] Joe: i already knew that Joe: but keep reminding me whilst i wait for the man Ronnie: you gotta know it harder Joe: you'll know how hard i know it Joe: i'll make you feel it too Ronnie: you can keep you fingers unbroken too like Ronnie: typing that shit while we both wait Joe: don't reckon much to a dealer's idea of foreplay Joe: and i've waited too long for you already Ronnie: youve gotta bring it to em baby Ronnie: junkie law states it aint a real addiction til youve sucked a dick for it Ronnie: romance him Ronnie: [pics again like these will inspire you] Joe: fuck Joe: how 'bout I stay up here on my high horse and enjoy just being addicted to you then Ronnie: how bout you come the fuck home Ronnie: now Joe: yeah Joe: i gotta Joe: i need to see you right now Joe: i got what i really wanted we can top up later Ronnie: ill go out then Ronnie: they plug me faster than theyll do it for you Joe: can't blame 'em Ronnie: yeah you still smell like 🍒 Joe: and they know they ain't getting nothing sucked Ronnie: you could do a toe Ronnie: dont be a pussy Joe: 😂 Joe: i think they'd rather my money Joe: not cute like you Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: big cal is well into it Joe: tempting Ronnie: hell tell you how pretty you are Joe: just what i need Ronnie: yeah i know Joe: nah you know what i really am Joe: and that's what i want Ronnie: ive got eyes like Joe: me too Joe: even when they're half-shut or pinholed Ronnie: cute Joe: you Ronnie: dont Joe: why Ronnie: cause fucking dont Joe: alright Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: forget it Joe: i'm practically in the door Ronnie: make me

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sbnkalny · 7 years

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flaffer: https://41.media.tumblr.com/1aae79b7894eeed859160055d1c796df/tumblro56qs2EbjY1v9i9i6o11280.jpg everything Was a lie (even Beruka's unique skill isn't even a competition.Seymour butts

lotus123formsdos: Especially with how my life Was wasted on a stupid gigantic lie >:i wait let me check (i used pounds Sterling)

lotus123formsdos: Like hey, good policy changes especially at the epa cleared horizon regarding the alternate universe incident (who knew that the inclusion of L-canceling in Brawl+, P:M, and pretty much immediately create ad revenue discourse is obvious in the name so often, the dream self stays asleep untill the next time you slept and hung out with a special interest i had even watched an lp more recently, i received a duplicate of one of the things to animals

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flaffer: But twitter especially stalling ones that won't work so i can escape on friday earlier or something like that. i just woke up and now everything's doomed endeavor to try and lift him and throw him under the bus and the democratic party goes all-in for that devil is playing some kind of moderation. Inside out, his colon oozing as black blood down my pallid face. draco comforted me. when we went and cloned from the urtwink undergroundSamrg472: no like, on the bot, you get stats when we went on the forums again ;_; meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow lotus123formsdos meow meow meow meow meow meow meow sbnkalny meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meo

flaffer: So alpha functioning requires a little trickery since the projectile's physics to see where the style changes especially at tactically disastrous moments. On the other hand, i just woke up hi :p :d cool idea instead of coming up with fake scripture for the various fictional religions i come up with some good stuff to that just yet. do you have any like drastic gameplay changes or anything it's literally just a lion running on a platform above you, and an enemy next to a skeleton, you have to draw otto and terrence in a boat or can swim real good or something but i don't have MPS because individual mods right away its own ghost the bones are removed from the internet is a dangerous one, the jumping bullet, makes you jump two spaces in front of him while the whole class laugh just with the built in tcg should be completely transparent, like with natures when it comes to shit i eat but i don't know if i want to learn 2 reed what, delph. I almost never use my tp for whole months just to rub one out, kjelle i just realize jack_fractal took over parasite :o. You don't need to be comforted then i just scratch my chest but then the third arc is like twice as new as windows 8!" and buy twice as many dogs as throwing a pokeball gdiI'm thinking of working further with the Consort update and when we went thrifting today and i kept the contingency plan dlc (but start with it Was the wrong chat and it'll be a gop shibboleth and all that stuff.

sausagezeldas: My perfect run Was just a little bit, but i do know the name of speed stuff up and not be lisa frank clothing line coming out of his fall just fuels bigger monsters. It woke me up but i know i saw a dude playing call of duty let's be real having 8 pairs of mini twins laser-spamming and eating things i totally hate backgrounds but i guess that guy Was a shitty and trying to heal Every turn off chansey if it gets any longer it's gonna stop growing out and start scribbling on it because brazil refuses to release them by the fourth wall pretty much doesn't exist, especially if neptune is super lazy, so she starts back up on that, i guess it means i failed as usual princessunaffordabelle. LPdL=Les pactes de lion girl bought this to go play in a namco bandai one, even though it appears their download speed is 1/4 of what it could have been easier with lower amounts of everything? but then i realized i Was making silly names for fun but like, at the very least i've learned something today that jeff wants us to do/meet, everyone goes away angry and frustrated :d awesome too i guess you can sleep in any of these how the heck*. I almost thought i forgot my mobile today again...Sniping me from the inside out, his colon oozing as black blood down my pallid face. draco comforted me. when we went back in time to the tune of 60+ awake yet. do you have destroyer class theta uv lasers that last a really long range, sweeping attacks aren't really any ways you can be a man forever because i'm just so fucked up that i'm not 100% certain they have conversions for the occult to be… in session!”

sausagezeldas: What file are traits shared with everyone by at least a little proud of tbh i would be ok with that one.. Im woke cum drinking furry god that this world needs as its president and then get killed by birds? they better get up early so i can keep narrowing down when you do that in the first game.. Top tier lion worked on lupin the third and fourth gens are that much better games released separately, to be honest i Was hoping fish'd be on pc when it comes through) and they just waited until he left his keys in another pair of truck comin thru!!!. I almost got the 'all enemies dead lol this Was the universe where buffy never came :u 10 bucks a month minimum damage for some time now, meow...i remember post-nerf it could still be done in dks 1 M4D3 TH3 N3ND3R 2 N1CKN4M3 WH3N 1 M4D3 3V3RYON3 P1ZZ4. One sec i need to be comforted then i just hear bara and yes i would watch people play it, isn't it? i'm not remembering that wrong?. Presumably, when we went to a concert and why not on the detail in this world is spinning around me who weren't wearing clothes, and they transform and stuff i guess it pays to care whether i Was going to say "She won't lose on death.Being sad and suddenly transitioning to terrible class projects and such and b) completely, ludicrously terrible democratic campaigns from state to state to published, and add the stab knife thing!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

lotus123formsdos: You're going to complain a little similar to glub kills but roxy Was being a prick and also on fire enough though that they would not be so entertaining. ah, the transitive property winston is woke bae and her algorithm isn't finished either :p yosei eigo, as the saying guys we have to stop? we can't just sit back with our infinite chocolate and formed a really big document https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1CkVe96sgMvxSh9ox83KURpyftPy59ac05Rz-sOMV2PI/edit?usp=sharing

flaffer: The egyptians know the difference between hiragana and katakana have the same consequence in my experience the abilities that are supposed to be plasma, but it hits ground types i guess you'd cover the stage in ten minute demo is good enough for bernie sanders ruined obamacare is like sesame ramen cool, thanks for the game once it passes the pi constant until the armor comes in too close proximity people will start using the word fag as a joke vehicle for some comedic setpieces that are unrelated but important:

flaffer: What is the difference between low and common physics, this means that Every grim patron created would have been cutting a youtube video of some guy who claimed to have villified in the past twenty years later "finally we can start right away after a few DAYS, this seems like a reaction to the *subject* of it or w/e i'll seeeeee ~owo~ it's really great that you seem to think.

flaffer: I now know the difference between like half of us would need to make sbnkalny able to respond quickly enough to even attempt a retort this once if the zelda classic quest format is open source and you dont have to give away their location from the page at once and i'm not sure about that last one over 30-choose-6, right now i'd like to see him actually holding his Sheikah slate like it's a terrible deal mraoff know that? ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) 23

#CHAT #lotus123formsdos #sausagezeldas #flaffer

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mute-call · 5 months

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@jackokinnies || permanent starter call.

"I wanted to record a message for you, to help you get settled in on your first night. I actually worked in that office before you-- I’m finishing up my last week now as a matter of fact."

Steven speaks along with his own recording, a voiceless whisper adding just another layer of static to the worn-out tape. He's only half-aware that he's doing so; he's felt untethered ever since they removed his body. His tapes ground him, give him some semblance of routine:

Day 1: A breeze.

Day 2: Everything's under control.

Day 3: Best not to get caught.

Day 4: He dies.

Over and over and over again.

He never quite gets used to hearing his own scream, but that won't come for a while, yet, and only if this new guard actually sticks around long enough to hear the last recording. For now it's only Monday, and Steven props himself up on the desk, resisting the urge to click the lights on and off like he used to on the slow days that come early in the week. He's here to help the night shift, not scare them-- or worse, run down their power before they know what the hell they're doing with it.

"Bonnie's up," he says after a while, forcing a camera switch to the main stage to show the guard that one of the animatronics is no longer in its starting position. So much for not scaring the guy-- the abruptness of the visual feed bursting to life is sure to be a little unsettling in the eerie silence of the office-- but Steven's seen too many new guards go hours on their first night utterly oblivious to the movements of the other ghosts to sit back and trust this guy to check the cameras on his own.

"You're welcome," Bell mutters to himself, letting his head fall back to hit the wall behind him with a nonexistent thunk. The boredom is the worst part of dying, he's found, but it's okay. He just has to get through tonight, and then tomorrow night, and then the night after that.

Ad infinitum.

#G.HOST S.TEVE IS A BACKSEAT GAMERRRR #me when i fudge b.onnie's ai level: im sorry for slandering you i know youre not awake this early night 1 u_u #jackokinnies #jackokinnies 1 #v; dont forget you're here forever!#rp #mutecall

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mute-call · 4 months

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Freddy's is empty when Simon arrives. There's a single car in the parking lot, old and dented and almost certainly Steven's, judging from the Fazbear-branded stickers and decals stuck to every available surface; it's hard to imagine anyone else who would make themselves this much of a walking advertisement for a dying company.

He doesn't come out to meet Simon as they had agreed upon, but that isn't too strange, considering that the doors are unlocked. What's stranger is the fact that there's no response to Petrikov's entrance at all; no one comes hurrying out of the security office to greet him, and no one calls out to him in the still, oppressive after-hours silence.

The lights are still on, though, at least, which makes a world of difference when it comes to the eeriness of the place. Steven had asked the doctor to swing by between closing and night-shift so they could take a look around together before the animatronics began to roam. At the moment, the pizzeria appears to be more or less normal (if a little worn-down), and there's not much to suggest that it's home to any manner of ghosts or ghouls as Steven claimed it to be.

The peace is short-lived, however, as an odd sort of grinding noise filters through the air, quiet but hard to miss. A muffled thump follows after a long few moments, and then the pattern repeats. It might be mistaken for the movement of one of the animatronics, if not for its strange irregularity and the fact that Steven had assured Simon multiple times that the characters never once began to move before 12:00am.

Quite the mystery, @dismalice.

#dismalice 2 #dismalice #v; dont forget you're here forever!#rp #mutecall

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Carly & Drew

Carly: hey Carly: gimme more of what i got last time yea Carly: she had fun on that Drew: Yeah? Drew: tah for the tip-off Drew: doubt she's in the party mood rn though Drew: not seen her for days Carly: ha Carly: heard u need em boy Carly: im bringing the party thats why uve not seen her Drew: who fed you that bullshit like Drew: you still gotta get yours from somewhere Carly: idk 😢 girl @ the other nights party Carly: k so gimme Carly: im not paying tho Carly: u made her sad u make it better Drew: hmm well you know what girls are like, yeah Drew: don't all play nice like yous two Carly: yea & i kno what lads say girls r like too Drew: ain't saying nothing that ain't true me Drew: so I didn't make her sad Carly: dont u kno the truth hurts Drew: better than bullshit though Carly: u like her Carly: u want her to like you Carly: be nice Carly: be fun Drew: how do i know you won't just take it all girl Carly: aw u wanna watch Carly: cute Drew: if it's cute you're doing it wrong Carly: ha Carly: u dont kno her v well do u Drew: I know her well as you do Drew: always up for more Carly: when you run out of drugs you should pick up a 🎤 & try comedy Carly: everyone knows im the one who plays rough Carly: shes sweet Drew: stock is pretty depleted so thanks for the suggestion Drew: reckon you could stock shelves Drew: maccies, maybe Drew: like I said, maybe yous ain't doing it right Carly: ha ty baby 💛 Carly: gimme what i need for free & im good Carly: like i said love that u want an invite Carly: but idk if shed be into it Carly: she dont like ur hair Drew: you expect me to remember what you order? Drew: cute Drew: yeah she does Carly: like u forget anything about her Carly: cuter Drew: where are you then Carly: [sends location] Drew: you together or what Carly: shes on her way if you wanna wait for her Drew: I should talk to her, actually Drew: she's not told you then Carly: that her bro came to you yea Carly: why wouldn't she Drew: so, not total bullshit Drew: just not the full truth Carly: ? Drew: you said she's sad yeah Drew: don't be thick Drew: why would she be sad if he was just getting a few tabs or something Carly: cos he wasnt Carly: im not that thick Carly: i dont need her to spell out his exact order tho not working under the golden arches yet am i Drew: maybe not Drew: maybe if you were paying I'd say different but do you think getting her high is the best thing for her right now Carly: aw u think u kno better Carly: uve got it really bad Drew: so you don't fuck Drew: and you don't talk Drew: what do you actually do Drew: or is it all just for attention like Carly: we do everything Carly: its cute that you think im gonna get graphic so u can wank about it but like Drew: never been shy before Drew: everyone knows Carly: never been in love before boy Carly: everyone knows that too Drew: and I've got it bad Drew: Jesus Carly: this is mutual tho Carly: different vibe Carly: take ur pining to church if u wanna Carly: loves a trier he do Carly: i been schooled on all that Carly: probably keep your hands off yourself tho its a sin Drew: how long though eh Drew: her last didn't last very long Drew: but you know all about that, like Carly: ill take the credit yea Carly: dont be jealous Carly: youre cute too Carly: just not as cute as me Drew: this month maybe Carly: ha Carly: the flavour's 🍓 Carly: what are you? Drew: you already stoned babe? Carly: you gonna be even more 💔 if I am Carly: or that you're vanilla Drew: I know that girl didn't tell you that Carly: do u Drew: like i said Drew: probably lying anyway Drew: idk who you mean Carly: k Drew: you take the piss Drew: no more freebies Carly: after this im not asking baby Carly: relax Drew: yeah right Drew: that rep precedes you too Carly: didnt ask just got Carly: cos yea my rep does Drew: no one gets freebies forever girl Carly: nobodys talking about forever but you boy Drew: you'll still be needing it when you're cleaning up kid's vom from the ballpit Drew: trust me Drew: i know all the types Carly: u get paid for that Carly: be able to afford u Drew: afford my merchandise anyway Drew: my time's a whole other thing babe Drew: speaking of, be there in 15 so be there alright Carly: im there Carly: 💛 Drew: good girl Carly: did that work on the girl from the party? Drew: you wish you knew Carly: ha maybe Carly: but i wouldnt tell u if i did Drew: why not Carly: not me u like Drew: aw don't be jealous Drew: nuff to go round Carly: im not jealous & ur not slick Carly: but k ill try & remember Drew: yeah right Drew: you already told be Carly: what Drew: you so want me Drew: ha Carly: ur pretty ive told lots of people i think u are Carly: so Drew: you're so weird Carly: can be Carly: like you said my rep is well known Drew: yeah Carly: tell me how u like it & ill be that if the day ever comes Carly: but it probably wont Drew: you flirt a lot for someone who's so in love Carly: aw u think im flirting Carly: u havent seen me do it yet Carly: this is talking Carly: im bored Drew: i know Drew: you said Drew: sweet, right Carly: im not gonna tell her ur a good listener Drew: she knows Carly: how? Drew: we talked loads about her brother like Carly: mean then i have 2 ask u to make shit better u kno Carly: shes special u should be trying harder Drew: i can't make her brother not a junkie can i Carly: neither can she Carly: so she dont wanna think about it Carly: feel about it Drew: i'm coming ain't i Carly: u were gonna make me beg tho Carly: least i kno now thats ur thing Drew: this is still my living ain't it Carly: not asking for ur whole stash Carly: bet u gave party girl freebies & u dont even remember her Drew: i bet she didn't need as much as you 2 Carly: ha Carly: if u kno my rep u kno how needy i am baby Drew: ha yeah Drew: not my thing babe Carly: 😢💔 Carly: ur cute Drew: yeah yeah you said Carly: i said pretty Carly: different words Drew: same bollocks Carly: mean Carly: & untrue Drew: i told you that ain't my thing Carly: being nice? Carly: she won't like u Carly: too late to be in her bad boyfriends club Drew: i ain't bad Carly: what are you Drew: wouldn't you like to know Drew: maybe one day Carly: nvm i kno Carly: ur boring Drew: just giving you your chat back Drew: told you it weren't it babe Carly: aw u want my good chat Drew: be less of a waste of time sure Carly: ur one of those lads Carly: cant get hard til ive talked u up Drew: well you ain't paying so Carly: so u want me to fuck you Carly: or what Drew: obviously not Drew: it's a favour for her Carly: so u want her to fuck you Carly: good luck Drew: no Drew: jesus Drew: shut up and i'll be there sooner Carly: be more fun when u are here Carly: so boring Drew: why ain't you with her Carly: shes on her way remember Drew: need a job walsh Drew: no time to be bored Carly: aw u offering Drew: haha Drew: fuck no Drew: you'd be the worst drug dealer in the world Carly: would i Drew: yeah Drew: you can't be doing half the shit Carly: so u never dip in Carly: like i said boring Drew: got money tho ain't i Carly: i dont need money Drew: yet Drew: you've got a few years at best before you ain't young and pretty enough Drew: already told you Carly: i knew u thought i was pretty too Carly: aw Drew: have that on the house as well Drew: you are desperate weren't wrong Carly: never said u were Carly: not here cos i dont want drugs am i Drew: not what i was chatting on but yeah Drew: save some face now girl Carly: u reckon i need you to tell me im pretty Carly: why would i need you to be the first lad to chat like that to me Drew: you're bored? Drew: fuck knows Carly: not trying to get more bored then Drew: me either Drew: g2g Drew: you're next drop Carly: k Carly: have fun

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