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romanarose · 1 year

Text

Boys of Summer

Francisco "Catfish" Morales X Benjamin "Benny" Miller

11k words (a monstrosity)

All fanfic masterlist : Triple Frontier masterlist

Summary: Over a series of summers, Benny and Frankie meet, and realize they aren't who they thought they were. For the better part of 20 years, they grapple with their sexuality, and a myriad of factors that get in the way of them being together.

Warnings: LOOOOOTS of internalized homophobia, mentions of gay bashing, homophobia, Tom is a piece of shit, yeah I can call what he does a hate crime. Internalized biphobia, Frankie doesn't realize bisexuality is an option, worry that Frankie would "turn" Benny gay. chunks of this takes place in the early 2000's, and they don't really have words or education for what they are going through. Some minor smut, handjob, humping, semi public ig? their far enough away. angst angst angst.

A/N: Pedro Pascal is like 12 years older than Garrett Hedlund, but for the sack of this fic, it starts with Benny at 19 and Frankie at 21.

This is my 3rd TF fic titled after a Don Henly song. First End of the Innocence, then Leather and Lace, now this.

********************

Summer 2003

I can see you

Your brown skin shinin' in the sun

I see you walking real slow and you're smilin' at everyone

Benjamin Miller leaned against his piece of shit pick up truck, smoking and waiting to catch sight of his older brother and the guys he was bringing home on leave. Two years ago, Will joined the army straight out of high school, desperate for a reason to get off the farm and away from their dad, leaving Ben to deal with it alone. Things weren’t as bad as they used to be; after Benny began his growth spurt, much later than most boys his age, Benny had shot up, and he suspected their dad didn’t want to risk the fact Benny could probably beat his ass in return now. Ben always thought he’d leave as soon as he could. Maybe not the military, he wasn't one to follow orders, but maybe he’d run off somewhere, go to a big city where no one knew him or the Miller family name. Maybe he’d pick a new name, pick a new self, he wouldn’t have to be a Miller, from a family of alcoholics and meth addicts, he wouldn’t have to be Benny, the scrawny, lanky teenager he couldn’t seem to grow out of even though he’d put on muscle the last few years. He certainly wouldn’t have to be ‘Will’s brother’ the insanely gawky kid who was only saved from most of the bullying by being under Will’s protection.

People liked Will, and for good reason. He was handsome, played football, and still got great grades. He was easy to get along with for both girls and guys, and responsible. Sure, he’d go to the parties out in the corn fields, but he’d collect car keys and only hand them off to the dd’s. Girls like having him around because they could trust him, and he kept an eye on everyone's drinks and who went home with who. Will didn’t care if you’re his teammate, if a girl was sleeping off a few drinks, no one's going in that room, and the only people taking her home are her friends. Will wasn’t quick to fight the way Ben was, he managed to push down all the horrible things that had been inflicted on them, channel it into being productive, and now he was in the army, rising quickly through the ranks and making friends easily.

He’d heard these guys' names tossed around on phone calls here and there, but he didn’t know anything about them, really. In truth, Ben was less than thrilled that he was bringing them home. Granted, their was some unresolved feelings of abandonment that had already been festering for years, and it didn’t help that Will was bringing back two guys he’d never met before to take up more of his brothers time, as if they didn’t see him enough? But ma told him those guys didn’t have family, and it wasn’t right to leave them alone over 4th of July when they were 'serving our country'. That wasn’t really the issue. The issue, deep down, was that these three had something going for them, something happening, somewhere to be. Ben didn’t. It was the first week of July, Ben had graduated nearly 2 months ago, and he had no plans, no goals, nothing to do besides work on the farm through harvest. Technically, he could work on the farm the rest of his life, but he didn’t want that. He needed direction, and was looking for guidance. They were just a reminder he hadn’t found it yet.

“Get that shit out of your mouth, Benny boy!” Will's voice bellowed over the crowd, jovial but serious. He hated smoking.

Ben looked up from where he was kicking rocks with his boots, and saw his brother approaching him. Before it could be stopped, Will took him in, rubbing his knuckle on Benny’s head.

“Ah shit! You’re almost too tall for a noogie!”

Despite Ben finally growing, he still was an inch shorter than Will, and was ever-wishing he had grown a few more, but at 19, he realized this was probably it.

“Hey man” Ben tried to hide his excitement in a blase tone, but his face struggled to keep back the grin, excited to see Will after his 9 month stint in Poland.

“These are the guys”

Benny’s eyes fell on Santi first. He was shorter, handsome, his hair was shaved, strong jaw and dark eyes. Santi smiled enthusiastically lip curling with his smile as he shook his hand, saying it was nice to meet Benny after all this time. He seemed nice.

But then Benny saw Frankie, and he felt like everything shifted for him. Benny never considered himself gay, as much as people in middle school and early high school called him all the slurs in the book, Benny never considered himself much of anything, really. He had lots of friends, many of whom were girls, but Benny never dated them, except for Savannah in 7th grade but that was just because she asked him and what was he supposed to do? Say no? Well probably, but that little ‘romance’ fizzled out within a few weeks. Since then, Benny hadn’t felt much attraction to anyone. When other men were gawking over Jessica Alba or Gwen Stefani, Benny simply didn’t look at anyone, wondering for a long time if something was wrong with him.

Then there was Frankie. In his early youth, Francisco Morales was a bit on the gawky side of things as well. Big nose, big ears, a face that was still settling in and an awkward army haircut, but at first sight, Benny didn’t notice any of the features that he later found so handsome, he just noticed his eyes, and that’s all he needed. For the first time in his life, he felt seen, understood. Frankie’s eyes were pretty brown, large and not unlike a puppy dog, but had a sadness to him, a depth Benny couldn’t help but be drawn to.

“Hey, I’m Frankie.” The shy man stood until Santi elbowed him, only then did he extend his hand to Benny. “Benny” He wondered if Frankie could tell the way his hand was shaking, was it as hot and clammy as he felt? His grip was strong, not aggressive but reassuring, secure.

The Will insisted on driving, saying it was his truck, although Benny had inherited it when Will left, and the piece of shit sure as hell wasn’t going to make it to their west coast base, and a Benny sat in the back of the truck with Frankie, he felt hyper aware of everything he did, everything he said. He tried his best to act normal that day, as introductions were made, as their ma smothered her favorite child, and their dad pretended like that scar on Will’s arm didn’t come from him. They were a perfectly normal, happy family. As predicted, Benny didn’t get to see much of Will that day. Will had better things to do, better things than his annoying younger brother, he had army buddies to introduce to all his loser high school friends who were back in town for the summer.

Frankie wasn’t entirely sure what was going on with him. His usual social anxiety had been buzzing non-stop, but after meeting Will’s younger brother, it was ten fold. The boy was striking. Long, shaggy blonde hair pulled back in a backwards baseball cap, in a way that whenever he took it off to run his fingers through, Frankie found himself starring. He wanted to feel it in his own fingers. All week, he found himself waiting for glimpses of him, at breakfast when Benny walked by, grabbing a piece of french toast and saying hi before hoping in the jeep of a friend, or when Frankie, Santiago and Will ran into him at the gas station buying beer even though he absolutely was not old enough, but the cashier was a friend. Everyone was his friend, it seemed. Will had described him as such. Social, loud, fun, the kind of guy you want at your party to keep it going, but who you really know nothing about. Benny knew everyone, but no one knew him. Frankie knew what their dad did, how he beat them, and the more glimpses he got of Benjamin Miller, the angrier it made him. He already hated the man for doing that to Will, his friend, but something about Benny made Frankie want to protect him at an animalistic level. He was so cheerful, so polite to everyone, so genuine. Will didn’t spend a lot of time at the farm, for obvious reasons, but when Benny was around, he made more than polite conversations, he actually listened.

Frankie had operated under the assumption he was straight most of his life. He had sex with plenty of girls, so that was it, right? You like girls or you like guys. There wasn’t a secret third option… was there? No. He wasn’t going there. He wouldn’t allow himself to think it, and he would simply ignore every heart palpitation and the way his eyes followed everywhere Benny went.

It had been a few days at this point, several days of Benny attempting to not make it too obvious he was staring at Frankie’s strong jawline and alkaline nose every fucking chance he could. A bit of stumble had grown on him and Santi, Will preferring to keep clean shaven, but the other two enjoyed not having to shave for a few days. It was fourth of July, and as midnight approached, Benny sat on the porch smoking a cigarette and drinking his dads beer when Will’s- his truck pulled up, the sputtering engine coming to such a stop Benny wondered how many more starts it had left, and to his surprise, only Frankie stepped out.

“Hey” Benny called out as to not startle the boy as he sat in the darkness, not wanting to attract mosquitoes.

“Oh, hey man” Frankie nodded, his baseball cap tilting in the moonlight.

“Where are the others?”

Frankie slowly stepped up the stairs, a nervous energy buzzing around him. “They're all still going. Party got a little crowded for me, so they said they’d catch a ride over.”

That sounded like Will. Benny was certain Will had picked up on Frankies stress and given him an easy out.

“Well, there’s plenty of beer in the cooler if you want some” Benny kicked the red cooler to the side of him, and nodded his head over to the otherside of the porch swing he was on.

Frankie seemed to be considering, but eventually he took Benny up on his offer, settling uncomfortably down on the seat, as far away from Benny as he could get.

“Relax, man, I don’t bite” Unless you- no no no, not doing that

With a small smile, Frankie relaxed and moved just a bit closer, and attempted to open the tab of the shitty beer.

“Here.” Benny took the beer from Frankie’s hand, noticing the man’s chewed down nails, and opened it for him.

“Thanks” He mumbled before taking a drink. “It’s nice out here”

Ben nodded. “Yeah. It’s my quiet place, away from-” He gestured indoors “All that”

“Your mom seems nice”

Benny didn’t miss how Frankie didn’t say anything about his dad. Will must’ve told them.

“Yeah. She is. She deserved better.” Then Benny waited a minute for a reply.

It was barely a whisper. “You do too.” There was silence for a while, and Frankie worried he crossed a line. He barely knew him… but he felt like he did. Benny lightened up his mood whenever he entered the room, he planned the days around trying to see him again…

“Thanks, man” Benny spoke softly, with a smile.

A quick change in conversion was one of Frankie’s best skills. “So, fourth of July, no parties for you to go to?”

Benny’s laugh was loud and joyful. “No, I was definitely at one. May or may not have gotten in a fight”

That caught Francisco’s attention. “You?” He couldn’t imagine that ray of sunshine getting in a fight.

“Yeah” Another laugh. Benny obviously wasn’t taking it too seriously. “I don’t even remember what it was about, but I lost, so I had to leave.” Benny then reached back to switch on the porch light, illuminating the graphic bruise forming on his eye.

“Jesus Ben!” “Relax man” Ben grinned. “This is far from- what are you-” His words died there.

Frankie took off his shirt, and whatever else he was doing or saying was completely lost on the younger man, he was too busy shamelessly staring. He was lean, petite hips, but the definition of muscle was prominent. Not ripped, but toned in a way you naturally build in the military. Frankie’s shoulders, even in their youth, were broad, and Benny couldn’t tear his eyes away from the way his shoulders moved as his arms worked their way out of the shirt.

Unsure what took over him, that instinct to protect took over Frankie. He took off his shirt, scooping ice from the cooler and wrapped it up in the shawty material before walking over to the other side of the boy. It wasn’t lost on Frankie that Benny was staring. “Scoot over” he demanded.

Looking up at Frankie with adoring blue eyes, he did as he was told.

Frankie sat down next to him, carefully laying the make-shift ice pack over his swelling eye. “Stay still”

“Yes drill sergeant” Benny teased, ever playful.

Frankie looked over at him with a rare smile as fireworks a few farms over went off. “Beautiful” Frankie said, staring at Benny’s eyes, but nodding to the fireworks.

Benny made no attempts to hide. “Yeah. Beautiful.”

Summer, 2004

I thought I knew what love was

What did I know?

Those days are gone forever

I should just let them go but

Benny had been waiting for this since May. Will and the guys had visited, and it was Frankie who suggested Benny come out and visit them in August. By the time it had rolled around, it had began to cool off a bit up north, the last week of august offering great hunter weather. Frankie and Santi had moved high enough in the ranks that they could move out of the barracks, opting to still share a bedroom apartment to save money, but get away from the people that caused Frankie so much stress. Will preferred to stay on base. Frankie had said Benny could stay with them, and Santi agreed. Benny was hesitant, but when Will practically begged, said he had someone he wanted Ben to meet, and how could he say no to his brother wanting to spend time with him?

And how could he say no to spending the week in Frankie’s home?

Frankie had spoken to Ben a few times in the last year, Frankie somehow always finding out when Will was making phone calls and having some random question to ask just to hear his voice for a few minutes. That week in May was spent with Benny and tagging along with more and more of Will’s antics with his friends, starting with Frankie inviting Benny along drinking once, and ending with Will banging on Benny’s door at 4 AM, telling him if he wants to go fishing with them he’d better fucking hurry. Frankie was a natural peacekeeper, bridging the gap that had formed between Benny and Will in their adolescent. Will always protected Ben, was always there for him in emergencies, but he viewed Benny as a little brother, a child, even as Benny hit another growth spurt, pulling him up another two inches and making him taller than Will. When Benny picked up the guys that May, Frankie found himself flushed and flustered at the boys new height, admiring how much he seemed to have come into his own. By the time August rolled around and Benny came out east, the awkward 19 year old had given way to a strong, tall, man. His hair was longer, to his shoulders, shaggy, and with the white t-shirt and jeans made him look like Kurt Cobain, someone Frankie only recently realized his damn near obsession with the singer had to do with a crush he was sporting, something that it was becoming harder to ignore had transferred to his friend's younger brother.

“Hey man” Benny greeted Frankie with a pat on the back, and Frankie could swear his fingers lingered on his spine. Was Benny gay? Will never said anything about Benny dating one way or another, and it wasn’t exactly like Frankie could just ask, and Frankie wasn’t entirely sure himself. He’d hooked up with plenty of girls in the year he met Ben, it wasn’t like he had turned gay… is that how it worked? Are you straight one day and then one day you meet a golden god of a man suddenly you’re gay? If that was it, Frankie wasn’t gay, he could still get hard for women… so why did he want to feel Ben’s skin, why did he want to hold Ben when he was frustrated, smooth out that furrowed brow or kiss his pouting lips, yank that hat off his head and run his fingers through that raggedy blonde hair and give it a pull…

Benny absolutely purposefully trailed his hands down Francisco’s back. He wasn’t sure what entirely was going on between them, but he was sure he wanted to feel more of his warmth. The day he saw Frankie at the airport last year, he was certain everything changed, like something woke up that had been waiting, waiting, waiting… Now he could recognize it, he recognized why he never dated; he didn’t want women, he barely knew if he wanted men, but what he did know was he wanted Frankie… Ben found Frankie in the center of his fantasies, who he thought of when he took those long showers or when he was lonely and cold in bed, wishing Frankie’s arms were wrapped around him, holding him as his dad screamed about something or another in the kitchen. He still felt like a scared child in his dad's presence.

Benny longed for the sense of comfort, the bit of direction Frankie provided in his limited presence, the way, when Benny was on the phone with Will, he could hear Frankie in the background say ‘Oh hey, can I talk to Ben real quick? Something’s fucky with my truck’. The way, after Benny answered some stupid question Will could’ve answered himself, Frankie always asked how Ben was doing. Sometimes Ben said fine, and you? With the desperate hope that Frankie would give him insight, some small sliver of his life to understand him better. Sometimes, if things were bad, Benny might casually bring it up ‘Oh, just fine, just kinda wishin’ I’d went to college like my friends, you know?’ And Frankie would always offer some words of encouragement, something quick and simple that didn’t sound strange from Will’s end, but always made Benny feel better, just to know that Frankie thought Benny was doing ‘Just fine’

The ‘someone’ Will wanted Benny to meet, it turned out, was a man named Tom Davis. Tom was several years older than Will, and was a rising star in the military world. Benny was apprehensive. Tom bought Benny and Will dinner, and asked Ben a lot of questions on his interests in skills, suspiciously interested. Ben learned a long time ago that people who care this much want something from you. Or they're Frankie. Only Frankie asked him this many questions, and actually paid attention to the answers. After diner, Tom offered to give Benny a tour of the base, and although Benny didn’t really care, the guy had bought him dinner, and grandma Miller raised him with manners, so he agreed. He just wanted this over so he can get back to the apartment and spend time with his brother and the two men he had come to see as companions of his own, Frankie and Santi.

A few days later, all three of the guys had requested the day off for a hunting trip with Ben, just a few hour drive into the Washington forest in Frankie’s pick up. As everyone unloaded their equipment, Benny slide up to Frankie, his arms firm against his, and he could swear he saw Frankie blush. “Truck made it out here fine.” He commented cooly.

“Uh, yeah. She’s a good truck.” He replied, not able to meet Benny’s eyes when the kid was this fucking close and christ, did he know what he was doing?

With his best attempt at a playful tone, his voice dropping low as he grew closer to avoid anyone hearing. “Damn that’s crazy though, considering the amount of times you told me she wasn’t running.”

Frankie’s large brown eyes flicked over to Benny’s blue ones, and he froze. Was Benny flirting? Was Frankie going to flirt back? What would he say? He felt the words stuck inside him, until Will came around the corner. “You two go north, I’m going east with Santi, we’ll meet up at the ridge around noon and recovine, sound good?”

Benny spoke, knowing Frankie was likely too flustered. “Sounds good.” When Will walked away, Benny followed after, leaning over to Frankie as he did “Just you and me, Frank”

Christ, Frankie thought, that kid would be the death of him.

As the pair progressed shooting small game, Benny teasing Frankie on his lousy aim, Benny had lost his flirty edge, and Frankie was thankful. Maybe Ben picked up on his anxiety and took a step back. It wasn’t that Frankie didn’t like Benny… flirting? Is that what it was? It wasn’t that he didn’t like it, it was that he was nervous, terrified, honestly. Neither had put a name to whatever the hell it was, Frankie never even called Benny on his own, as much as he would want to this last year. Frankie didn’t want to push anything. It felt fragile, it felt delicate, it felt sacred, something that was just him and Ben, putting a label or talking about it… that would bring the real world in. So Frankie settled for small moments and side glances, for little bits of ‘that’s great man!’ when Frankie had news to share. It was what it was, but Franke wondered how long they could go like this.

“What did Tom want with you?” He asked Ben as they knelt behind a log.

Behind his shooting glasses, Frankie could still tell he rolled his eyes by the way his eyebrows raised. “Tryna recruit me. Will’s been dropping hints about it, I figured this was coming.”

“Don’t” Frankie spoke quicker than he thought possible, causing Benny to turn. “Why? Will said Tom’s high up, he can get me stationed out here with you guys after basic and AIT”

The thought of Benny on the same base as him, seeing him whenever he wanted… Frankie wasn’t sure if it was good or not. Could he keep his hands off him if he was around all the time? Certainly not if Ben kept this up. If anything happened, and that was a lot of assuming anything was happening now, Benny and him would lose their careers. The army operated under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, which was a fancy way of saying ‘you can be gay but not really’. This hadn’t been a problem for Frankie, seeing as he wasn’t gay, isn’t gay, he reminded himself. Whatever was going on with Benny was just… friendship, right? It was because they understood each other, it was just bonding, brotherhood, jesus, not everything had to be gay, guys can still be friends.

The fact he wanted to kiss that stupid smirk off Benny’s face most days was an aside.

And it was wrong, wasn’t it? Frankie had been raised catholic, and Benny was raised Southern Baptist… Frankie wasn’t sure how much Benny still practiced, but he knew he went to church… could he really be the one corrupting him? Maybe Benny just needed to meet the right girl. How could he take away Ben’s chance at a happy, normal life? He deserved that. He deserved everything, everything Frankie couldn’t give him.

He hadn’t realized how long he had been thinking.

“If you don’t want me around, you can just say it” Ben joked, but there was a hint of hurt there, the way it often was when Benny tried to joke his way out of situations.

“That’s not it.” He tried to reassure him, but his creased eyebrow told Frank it wasn’t enough.

“You don’t think I’d be good at it?” Another half-joke. “I know I don’t follow orders the best-”

“No, I think you’d be great at it.” Benny paused, letting the rabbit he was aiming at hop away. “Then what is it?”

“You’re too good for the Army”

Despite Frankie’s sincerity, Ben scoffed. “Yeah okay”

“I mean it” Frankie caught Ben's eye, speaking with an intensity. “You’re a good kid, the army will break you down, take apart everything that you are, make you one of those assholes that walk around base like they're top shit. They’ll make you see things, do things you can never undo, and you’ll never be the same. I can’t stand to watch that shine in your eyes fade, Benny.”

For once, Benny had no smartass comment to make, simply taking the time to look at Frankie’s eyes, and allow the compliment to sink in. He thought he was good. “Thanks, Francisco.”

For a moment, they stayed like that, a lingering tension while Frankie waited for Ben to make a move, while he yelled at himself to do it. He could figure out the rest latter, he could figure out what he was later… right now, he just wanted Ben… but he turned away, and they went back to their sights.

“Frank, look…” Ben whispered, nudging his camo shirt and pointing into the woods. “A coyote. You want the shot?” Benny offered.

“I’d never make it” For being in the Army, his aim was shit.

“I’ll help you” Ben offered, scooting closer to Frankie, and fuck, he was wrapping his arms around him…

Ben’s stubbled face pressed close to Frankie’s clean shaven on, helping him aim. “It’s okay, Ben, you take it. You’re a better shot than me.”

“That’s why I’m helping you, dumbass.” Benny angled the gun. “Santi will be so fucking happy proud of you.”

Frankie tried to take steadily breaths, tried to focus on something other than Benny’s sweat and warmth and smell…

“Do you want me to stop?” Ben’s voice was low again, he knew damn well what he was doing, and he was giving Frankie an out.

Frankie considered it. He considered saying yes, and never dealing with the things he felt again… “No.”

Soft and sweet, Benny breathed against him. “You’re shaking.”

“Yeah, I am. But don’t stop.”

Summer 2009

I never will forget those nights

I wonder if it was a dream

Remember how you made me crazy?

Remember how I made you scream

It wasn’t for a few years that Benny realized why Will had Ben meet Tom rather than give him the pitch himself. Benny had been groomed from that day forward to join Tom’s team he was assembling. A year after Benny joined, Will, Santi and Frankie joined his handpicked special ops team, Delta Squadron, quickly taking them away from Benjamin despite the suggestion Benny would be near the others. For a few years, Benny had an incredibly unstable military life. While others were trained with people, growing bonds, Benny was shuffled from one place to another, learning special skill after special skill. That was why he was recruited. Benny tested off the charts in the ASVAB, his physical ability in its prime, agile, fast, and strong, and his skill with the gun as well as mechanics putting him way past the others, confirming what Will always suspected, but their small-town school unable to accommodate for.

Benjamin Miller was a one in a million talent.

By 25, Benny was a highly trained special agent, surpassing them in nearly all aspects, and was brought onto Tom’s team. No one even dared suggest nepotism from being Will’s brother, the kid was incredible.

The shuffling around had been intensional, they didn’t want him forming bonds outside of the ones Tom knew he already had, and certainly didn’t want him falling in love with some girl. This meant that when Tom called him and offered him a spot, Benny didn’t really have much of a choice. There was nothing for him at the base he had been for two months, but Special Ops had his brother, Santiago… and Frankie… years later, he’d grow to resent that, the way Tom manipulated his career in a way not even Will had any idea of. Will simply wanted to make a good connection for his brother with someone he knew could help Benny rise to his potential. What resulted was a high skilled, borderline genius 25-year-old with no contact with family or his hometown, no other friends, nothing else that mattered other than his team, certainly not himself. Benny was lonely, so his devotion to the four of them was intense.

Tom had done this in some respects to the others, pushing the older three together during bootcamp and conveniently making sure they were stationed together after their individual training, working the strings to make sure they were specialized the way he wanted. Benny had come along slightly later, after he heard Will glowing about his talented brother who was ‘wasting his life in some shithole middle Florida hillbilly town’. Everything was exactly as Tom planned, creating a team by Frankenstiening people in a working machine.

And man, did they work.

There was absolutely nothing their team couldn’t accomplish. After many, many hours with Santi, Pope, as he was known now, Frankie, or ‘Catfish’, was a top shot, able to take down targets from far off highs. His best skill, however, was his ability to fly anything. Benny was constantly in awe of him, the way he just jump into any chopper or plane and go, the man was incredible. Benny watched him in fascination, but it wasn’t just Cat, it was all of them. Benny loved them all indescribably, a family he never really had. He always had Will, his big brother watching out for him, protecting him, now he has three more. Tom had become a father figure to Benny, hell, to all of them, someone who brought them all together, albeit under manipulation that wouldn’t become clear for decades, but by that time… it was all there, the love, the brotherhood, it was too late to do anything about it.

Not only did Ben have Tom, a strong father figure to lead them, but he felt cared for, physically and emotionally safe in a way he never did as a child, even with Will trying to shield him. Not only did he have the guys making sure he didn’t die on the battlefield as he did them, there was always someone making sure he ate, checking in on him when he was withdrawn, noticing when he was depressed in a way his mom couldn’t be bothered to. Santi was never too busy with his own problems to ask Benny what was on his mind, was never too drunk trying to drown his anger and hurt to make sure Ben got home at night; unlike his mom, who Benny pulled a blanket over when she was passed out on wine as Benny stumbled home at 4 am after walking 3 miles because he got shoved out of an ATV, with only Will waiting up for him in their room.

He had a family, he had direction, he had guidance.

Except with Frankie.

The downside of the constant moves, even within Delta, was no one really had time to find anyone, not long term. This was just as fine for Benny, never wanting to deal with the inner struggle still going on in his head. He simply refused to believe he was gay. It went against everything he had grown up in, everything he was raised in. In church, promising he’d burn in hell, his dad promising him and Will he’d fucking kill them, his schoolmates who kicked Benny in the stomach in 6th grade calling him a fairy, and telling him he told Will they’d kill him. Despite, at the time, Benny thinking Will was all but invincible, he didn’t want Will hurt, so he put up with that treatment for months until they found someone else to torment. Everything about what he knew of himself, and what he knew about being gay didn’t match. He was army, he was a farm boy, raised on church and hard work and beer and fucking hell, how did it make it sense that he'd dream of Frankie filling him up? It didn’t, so he simply ignored it. Benny was a flirt, that certainly didn’t stop, hell he flirted with Santi. If you’ve ever been around military men, you know how they are the gayest straight men you’ll meet. That’s how Benny justified it.

So they spent one summer on Coronado Island, San Diego, occasionally shipping off somewhere but lucky enough to spend a lot of time on the beach, Santi smacking his ass, and Benny staring at Frankie shirtless and trying not to make it obvious. Santi had really come into his own the last few years. If Benny was gay, and he wasn’t, Benny wouldn’t mind being with Santi, Pope having found his way in a few sex dreams, but Frankie? It was different with Frankie. Frankie was electrifying. Every time he watched his torso rise out of the water, grown out curls wiping back droplets of seawater like a cheesy rom-com, every time Frankie tackled him back into the water, yelling insults in spainish while giggling, he couldn’t help feel like it was just them in the entire fucking ocean. The team spent hour after hour in the ocean, sometimes doing swimming drills, but a lot of BBQ’s, a lot of games, and a lot of wrestling. So much wrestling. Frankie’s firm body tangled up in his…

Frankie felt his resolve dissipating every day. It had been a relief to him, almost, when he, Santi and Will got moved somewhere else almost as soon as Benny got stationed with them, he couldn’t fucking take it, couldn’t take looking at him nearly every fucking day. In the 5 years since Benny joined, the boy had completely come into his own. Benny was strong, capable, charismatic, and fucking hot, his deep voice nearly knocking Frankie off his feet every time he spoke.

And when he sang?!?!?!?

Frankie did not know he could sing, or play guitar, but him and Santi together around the fire was fucking beautiful. “This ones for you, Fish” Benny nodded, his backwards cap doing fuck all to keep his hair out of his face and thank god they were allowed certain hair styles because Benny, as hot as he was, did not pull off the shaved head well. Only Santi seemed to look good like that.

“Been practicin’ this for yuh” Santi explained. “Know they're your favorite”

The tell-tale chords of ‘All Apologies’ strummed from Benny’s guitar, Santi singing and Benny harmonizing.

'What else can I say? Everyone is gay.'

Ironic.

Frankie couldn’t help but smile even harder at that, two of his best friends having practiced one of his all time favorite songs for him having him grinning already. He knew this was Benny’s idea, he couldn’t count how many times Frankie made Benny listen to this album while they cruised around in his truck over the last 6 years. Benny had become everything to him, his best friend, his life blood, the heart of the group. Benny could make them smile even the hardest days, but he knew when to shut his mouth, when to simple wrap an arms around them, when to just be there. He was the glue, a last minute addition to what Frankie was slowly realizing had been them being pushed together, but an addition they never would have functioned without. And right now, Frankie wasn’t sure he could function much longer without Benny’s lips as he watched him sing, that sweet, deep voice he wanted so badly in his ear.

They had reserved a cabin by the ocean so they could all drink to their heart's content without having to drive, and one by one they went to bed, Benny promising to take care of the fire, leaving only Ben and Frankie on the beach, beer in hand as they laid on the blanket in the sand.

“I liked the song, Ben, you have a nice voice. You should sing more.”

“Thanks, man.” Benny was thankful for the darkness covering the blush on his face.

Frankie couldn’t help it, he needed more from Ben, he needed to know where he stood, where they stood, if it was anywhere. “Bet it works wonders on the ladies”

Benny laughed at that, his loud, boisterous laugh Frankie loved so much and would do anything to hear. “Yeah, not a lot of girls coming this way.”

“I don’t believe that for a second” Frankie turned to look at Benny’s strong features, taking in every detail as he moved ever so slightly closer.

“Yeah” He chucked. “You got me. They’re trying, but this” Ben motioned to his body. “Is on lock”

“Really?” Frankie laughed, but he wasn’t sure if Ben meant women, for men, for just now… he couldn’t be a virgin at 25… could he? “No women?”

“Yeah. On lock down like a penitentiary, I’m not a man-whore like Santi.” From Frankie’s view, Benny’s chest shook with laughter at his own joke, but Frankie was too busy looking at his ever-smiling face, still staring at the stars.

Frankie hesitated, but spoke, nervous and slow. “I was wrong, you know.”

“About what?”

“I said the army would break you, but here you are.” Frankie’s town was borderline whimsical, soft, barely a whisper above the crash of the ocean and the caw of the seagulls, practically a declaration of it’s own. “They never took you.”

At that, Benny turned to him, his face suddenly so close to Frankie’s close enough he could…

“Waddya mean?” Benny asked, his hand, flat against the blanket, inching closer to Frankies.

Frankie could hardly focus. This was his chance, tell him what he means to you, tell him that he is your fucking sunshine, how on days when you don’t know if you can get up, he’s there, and you do it for him, you’d do anything for him…

Benny was entranced. He rarely got to see Frank this close, certainly not for this song, able to soak up every detail, every line on his skin and oh god, did he soak it in. the curve of his nose, the way the bones of his face dipped and curved were locked into his memory, he was fucking perfect, he was his strength, his guidance, the north star that, no matter how cloudy things got, was always seen, and would always show Benny the way. He waited, he waited to see what Frankie would say, if it was enough to give Ben permission to make a move, to say something more, to tell him how badly he’s wanted him all these years and how Benny just wished Frankie would do something about it if he felt the same.

Finally, Frank spoke. “I told you, back on that hunting trip that the army would destroy you, make you do things you’d never come back from, you’d never be the same, you’d lose that light in your eyes, but it never left, and I don’t really think it’s going to, is it? It’s just you, you’re just sunshine... My sunshine.”

Benny’s breath hitched at that, as it always did when he was Frank’s anything. Whenever he said something as simple as “my friend” or “my teammate” Benny felt a surge of pride, even though it made no sense he felt like Frankie was claiming him.

“Yeah? You’re sunshine?”

“Yeah” Frankie was working up the courage. Kiss him, kiss like you’ve wanted to for 6 years, everything else be damned, everything else will sort itself out.

“What I said earlier?” Benny’s pinkie touched Frankie’s, ever so slightly. “About no women?”

“Yeah?” Frankie wrapped his pinkie around Benny’s. His.

“I wasn’t joking. No women. No men.” Fuck, he said it outloud, it was practically an admittance, something deep and dark and secret he never dared speak, but it was spilling out now, his whole heart pouring to Frankie, he was ready to tell him everything.

But Frankie froze. “No men?”

Benny couldn’t read his expression. Something in the air had shifted, but their fingers were still interlocked… “Yeah… nothing. I haven't…” It was Ben’s turn to feel nervous, the anxiety that usually radiated off Frankie feeling like punches of ocean waves from his heart. “Not with anyone. Anything… with anyone. At all. Kissing ‘n such.”

The boy was a virgin. He hadn’t had his first kiss yet. All this time, Frankie had operated under the assumption that Benny had all the experience when it came to this, the way he acted, always so natural and confident, flirting with him… Frankie had plenty of experience with women, and it couldn’t be that different, could it? Before he could really stop himself, he moved in, gentle and slow. He wanted to be Benny’s first kiss, and he was pretty sure Benny wanted him to be his too. It all felt so innocent, so youthful, the clean-slate feel Frankie always got with Benny, like nothing he had done, nothing that had happened to him mattered when Ben was around. It was tentative, but the way Benny leaned into it told him all he needed to know; Benny wanted him too.

But Frankie, as usual, quickly got wrapped up in his own head. Benny was innocent. Benny was uncorrupted by the army, by anyone, he deserved more. Frankie couldn’t give him a family, they couldn’t get married, they’d lose their careers and could lose everyone they loved, what did the guys think? They never talked about things like this, he didn’t know where they stood, really… Frankie could risk it all for Benny, but Benny… as Frankie pulled away, he looked at Ben, youthful and pure, his surprised blue eyes intense and waiting, waiting on him… He couldn’t let Ben risk everything for him. He wasn’t worth it. Ben still had a chance. He just needs to meet a nice girl, and he’ll be fine. He couldn’t do anything to Ben that couldn’t be undone, he had already taken his first kiss and God, that was enough.

As he pulled back, his pinky slowly moving away from Ben, he could tell Ben was waiting, waiting on him to say something, do something…

“Benny-”

“What’s going on here?” Tom’s voice was over them, and neither Benny nor Frankie had any idea how much he saw…

The urge to protect Benny took over all else, he whispered, so, so quiet “I got this” Before sitting up. “Got the liquor spins, laying down.” He lied. They had a few drinks, but not enough to make anything spin.

Tom looked them over, arms crossed and glaring, Frankie had a sinking feeling Tom saw, and he prepped himself to take the fall. He could say he made the move, Benny didn’t do anything…

“Yeah.” Tom said. “Maybe it’s time to go to bed”

Frankie gave a nervous laugh. “Probably a good idea” and nudged Ben to move.

Benny was uncharacteristically quiet as he walked past Tom to the room him and Frankie were sharing, anxious to talk to Frankie about what happened away from everyone else.

“Benjamin.” Tom called over his shoulder, not even looking at the much younger man as he froze in his tracks. “Stay with Will tonight. Wake up Santi, tell him I said move, no questions.”

The fact Benny didn’t argue, didn’t question or whine was a telltale that he knew he was caught, and wandered through the door of the cabin like a kicked puppy.

Frankie wanted to hold him, to put himself between Benny and whatever words Tom would say to him in the morning, any harm that might come to him… but someone had to act like nothing happened. He tried to move past Tom’s overbearing body, but Tom fisted his hand in his shirt, throwing the shorter man up against the wall of their small cabin, his forearms pressed against Frankie’s throat.

“I don’t care what you are, I don’t care what weird shit you do, but I don’t want it going on in my team, or we’re going to have a problem” Tom emphasized his point by thrusting his arm harder, impairing some of Frankie’s breathing.

“We weren’t-”

“Bullshit!” The large man bellowed. Tom was a man to be feared, 6’4, strong and broad, with a temper that echoed underneath his ability to lead, a fear under the skin of their respect. Tom was capable of harm, they’d seen it before. They all were, but Tom… nothing came before the team, and what Frankie and Benny were doing put the whole team at risk. “I saw what happened, Catfish. That kid,” Tom let go of his hold, and gestured to the cabin “barely knows anything outside the army and that podunk town he grew up in.”

As much as Frankie was scared out of his mind, he felt defensive of Benny, and Tom’s claims of naivity. “And whose fault is that?” Frankie called out Tom’s role in manipulating Benny’s life.

This earned Frankie a fist to his jaw. It wasn’t terribly hard, Francisco knew Tom was holding back significantly.

“How do you think Ironhead’s gonna react when he finds out his brother is a homo? You wanna be the one that puts the divide back between them? And how about Pope? You think he’s going to want to take those fishing trips with you if he finds out you wanna suck his dick”

“I don’t…” but the words died in his mouth. He didn’t want Santi like that, but Santi was his best friend, his brother, he wasn’t sure what he’d do without Santiago in his life. And what about Benny? Will had been the only constant in his life, the only protection he could count on, the only person that Benny knew, without a doubt from the day he was born, would be on his side. There was no way Frankie could get between them, he couldn’t be the one to make Ben lose a promising career.

“Don’t make me have this talk with Benny.” It was a threat, a threat to harm Ben the same way or worse he had just done to Frankie.

That was what did it, the final straw. The thought of Tom hurting Ben was enough for him. Benny wouldn’t lose his career. Benny wouldn’t lose his brother. Benny wouldn’t lose his found family.

“Understood.” Frankie nodded, not looking at Tom as he felt his jaw swelling.

“Go.”

Humiliated and ashamed, Frankie went into the cabin, deadset and determined to keep Ben at arm's length from then on, for both of their sakes and for the sake of the team. Benny would have a normal life, he’d find the right girl and he wouldn’t have to worry about a life of sin and abuse and isolation from the people he loved.

“Hey” Benny popped out of the shadows, worried eyes checking for Tom. “Thank for, um, that-” Benny tried to apologize, but Frankie didn’t look at him, brushing past to go to the room he’d share with Santi tonight.

“Go to bed” He mumbled gruffly.

“Frank-”

But he was already opening the door, and Benny didn’t want Santi to hear anything.

Frankie slunk into his room, unsurprisingly finding Santi up, woken from his sleep in the room he had with Will. Frankie was thankful for the off lights, however, as he felt rare tears brimming at his eyes, and Santi would be able to tell immediately.

“Everything okay?” Santi asked, voice soft with sleep.

Frankie almost lied. “No.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No”

A pause, before Santi asked his final question. “Something happen with Ben?”

Frankie felt his breath hitch and his body freeze as he began to lay down. Did Santiago know? Did everyone know and the only people too stupid to see it were him and Benny? No. Santi wouldn’t want to share a room with someone like him if Santi knew what he was.

Gay. No other way about it, Frankie was gay. He liked women, and he liked men, and Frankie wasn’t even sure if that was a real thing but that’s what it was, unable to deny that fact he wanted Benny in every fucking way two people can be together.

Closing his eyes tightly and hoping the moon light that came through the curtain wouldn’t show the tears that streamed down his face, Frankie replied to Santi honestly. “Yeah. Something happened.”

Summer 2015

Out on the road today, I saw a DEADHEAD sticker on a Cadillac

A little voice inside my head said, "Don't look back. You can never look back"

It was at get together at Will’s, Frankie and Benny had drifted into their own private corner, as they tended too, even after everything.

“So. You hear the news.” Ben started, talking quietly, out of earshot of the others loudly chattering.

“What news.” Frankie asked, Benny’s question was pretty vague but he had an idea what this was about.

“Supreme court ruling. It’s legal everywhere in the US now.”

Frankie couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah. I things are starting to change.”

Summer 2019

Now I don't understand what happened to our love

But babe, I'm gonna get you back

I'm gonna show you what I'm made of

It was different after the kiss, Frankie was different. Benny often wondered if Frankie was mad at him, angry that Benny didn’t stand up for them, that Ben couldn’t admit to what had happened, what had been happening between them for 6 years. Should Ben have stayed? When he saw the bruise on Frankie’s jaw, he knew right away that Frankie hadn’t run into a cabinet, he knew Tom did something to him. Benny should’ve stayed, should’ve protected Frankie the way Frankie had always protected him whether as Catfish or as Francisco, the way he’d continue to for the next several years of their careers together, even if he was distant.

Benny was furious at Tom. Not furious enough to confront him, however, that would require anger and stupidity, Tom could fold even Will. He wanted so badly to say something, to tackle Tom down and make him pay the morning he woke up, watching Santi ice Frankie’s jaw. Benny wanted to quit, or rather, not re-enlist when the time came… but the time came slowly, and as Frankie’s jaw healed, so did the tension between everyone by the end of the last mission. Trauma bonds people together, and when they all made it out safely, they were all so glad to be alive, everything else stopped mattering. That was the thing about the military. You see things, you do things, but you do them with people, a bond that goes beyond logic and reason when you watch people die together, sometimes at your own hand. Frankie was never quite the same, though. They didn’t spend long hours cruising around in his truck listening to Nirvana, and there was a clear disconnect between him and Tom. Frankie practically clung to Santi most days, and when Tom retired and things began to fall apart, Frankie only stuck around as long as Santi did.

For the next year and a half, Santi was the de-facto leader of Delta Squadron, but it was fairly obvious this was only to keep things going until everyone could leave, not wanting his friends to start a new squadron or some useless job for a few months. No one wanted to re-enlist. Will was out first, only leaving if Ben swore he’d leave when the time came. Benny promised, and he did, moving into an apartment Will leased for them to keep Ben out of their dad’s, who had gotten much worse after their mom died in 2007.

Tom started selling houses, and he sucked at it. Santi did for-hire policing and paramilitary work no one asked too many questions about, except when he came around asking if they wanted a part. Will got a job at the VA and did speeches, stuff sounding similar to the one he gave Ben back in 2004, but his main job, it seemed, was the same one it had been since they were kids; keeping Benny alive. Frankie got a legitimate piloting job, until he got addicted to coke. That didn’t stop him from having a baby with a girl he fought with all the time. That fucking killed Benny, he couldn’t stand to see their pictures, not when they looked so happy but the sparse phone calls he got when Frankie was high told him otherwise. He loved his kid, however, that much was obvious.

“Hey man, you still up?” Benny asked as he wandered outside to the deck Frankie was standing on, having a drink.

“Hey. Yeah. Couldn’t sleep. Missing Elena.” Frankie pulled out his phone, flashing a picture of him and his daughter on the home screen.

Benny smiled at the cute kid. “She’s beautiful, Frank”

Frankie gave a sad smile as he put his phone away. “Thanks. Not really sure what the future looks like right now, however.” A pause. “Jess broke up with me. Said if I went, it was over.”

“Frankie…” Benny turned, sympathetically. “C’mon man, you didn’t have to come. Santi would’ve found another pilot”

“Yeah” Frank scoffed. “He would’ve. That’s why I came.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” Frankie chugged his beer, and went to head inside.

“No, come one Frank, what does that mean?” Benny asked again. “Don’t shut me out again, man.”

But Frankie, even though he paused, walked inside.

They had never been the same. There was a divide, a distance between them, and Benny often regretted that kiss. Not because he regretted Frankie, no, he would never want anyone else to be his first kiss. Frankie was probably the only person who didn’t laugh their ass off at him not only being a virgin at 25, but never having kissed anyone either. No, Ben regretted the way they changed after that. On his end it was perfect; simple, slow, soft… he might have done more with Frankie that night had they not been interrupted… but they were, and Benny lost his friend in a lot of ways that night.

Things had gone, to say the least, badly. Thank’s to Tom’s greed, Will was shot, and Benny nearly died falling out of the helicopter Frankie piloted and despite the fact they had hiked miles today and about fell off a mountain like that poor donkey, Frankie couldn’t sleep. He always killed Benny, he almost killed all of them. Since that night on the beach, Frankie kept his distance. They were still friends, they were still there for each other, they were still brothers… but it wasn’t the same.

“Frank. You up?” Benny whispered from where he lay.

Frankie signed. “You know damn well I’m up.”

“Can I come over?”

Frankie was laying down slightly away from the others, typical for him when he was in a mood. “Yeah.”

Quietly, with the others knocked out cold, Benny moved over to where Frankie layed. “You’re overthinking again, aren’t you”

“Of course I am.” Frankie spat. “I almost killed you.”

Benny laid down, facing Frankie but keeping distance, not wanting to push him. Benny had the experience now, spending the last few years taking trips out to Miami, exploring the scene there. Sex, he had plenty of experience with. Relationships? Well, he had all but given up on. It wasn’t that he was holding out for Frankie, he wasn’t, but no one was ever him. He never felt that connection, that free, relaxed, simple way that they were. He never met someone who’d listen to John Denver with him even though they preferred grunge, just because they knew it was something Benny loved. They never asked about Will, about his cousins, they never checked in on the anniversary of his mothers death and never reached out when an uncle died. No one had been through things with him the way Frankie had, been there as long nor as steadfast, no one was him. Never would be, he supposed. So Benny resigned himself to this, to taking what he was given, what he was allowed, what Frankie was comfortable with.

“Stop.” Benjamin spoke firmly, but quiet, as Frankie avoided his gaze. “Don’t. You didn’t almost kill me, you’re flying is the only reason we lived. And whatever happens, we all made our choice to be here, and we’re all doing the best we can.”

“Except Redfly” Frankie grumbled.

This caused Ben’s face to split into a wide, youthful grin. “Yeah, the jackass.”

Benny was always the one to call out other people’s bullshit, always. Frankie couldn’t held but smile, closing his eyes as he tried to keep in his laugh, prompting Ben to do the same thing, the pair quietly giggling together like they had in their teens.

“I missed you, Francisco.” He said, suddenly serious, shuffling slightly closer.

Frankie tensed, but made no attempt to move away. “I’ve been around”

“You know what I mean. It…” Benny’s voice was suddenly very, very quiet, checking over Frankie’s shoulder to make sure everyone, especially Tom, was asleep. “Ever since that night, you’ve been… distant.”

Frankie refused to look at him. “Why are you doing this right now.”

“We could die tomorrow, Frank!”

“Shut up!” He hissed, looking over to check they hadn’t woken anyone.

“Frankie!” Benny still was quiet, but his voice was harsh as he guided his face to him. “C’mon, man, after everything that just happened, everything that we’ve done the last 10 years, you wanna just… leave this here?”

Don’t let him in, don’t let him do it, don’t open your eyes because if you open your eye’s you’re FUCKED, you get one look at those baby blues, it’s over.

“There’s nothing here, Ben” Was he talking to Benny, or trying to convince himself.

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

It was. And Frankie did know it.

“Look at me, Francisco.”

And just like that, Frankie opened his eyes and christ, had Benny always been this close? Had his eyes always been this pretty? Of course they had, he was stunning, everything about him was amazing, and it was incredible to get to see it this close again, the way he had thought about for the last 10 years.

Tentatively, Benny reached out to touch his patchy, bearded face. “What did he do to you, Frankie?”

He wanted to close his eyes, wanted to will Benny away and go to sleep and he pretended he wasn’t in love with Benny for the last 15 years, as if Benny didn’t occupy his spare thoughts and he didn’t think of stuffing himself in Benny’s ass every other time he fisted himself.

The words came out strangled and pained, worry and anxiety that plagued him constantly swirling in his head, but he couldn’t tear himself away from his eyes, from the man’s warmth. “He said he’d hurt you, Ben” Frankie held back tears, even as he felt himself press up against Benny’s body, sharing in his warmth.

Benny held him steadfast. “Oh sweetheart… Always protecting me… that's why you came here, wasn't it? to protect us?" With his thumb, he caressed the same jaw Tom swung at all those years ago. “I should've stayed with you, I’m sorry”

“Don’t be, it only made sense for one of us to get it.”

Tracing the features of his face, Benny soaked in in, and this time, when Frankie closed his eyes, he knew it wasn’t because he was hiding from him. “That’s why you got weird, isn’t it? Because of the kiss?”

“You were young, Ben.”

“I was 25”

“No, I mean… You hadn’t kissed anyone, I thought... maybe you hadn’t met the right girl, you had so little life experience, I didn’t… I didn’t want you to lose everything because of me”

Ben nuzzled his forehead against Frankie’s, the older man’s skin giving him more warmth than the burning money had. “You were worth losing the army, Francisco.”

Shaking his head, Frankie fought against it. “Not just that, I didn’t know how Will would react, Santi, your folks… I don’t know what you believe anymore, I don’t want to be the one to corrupt you-”

“Frankie, look at me.” Two hands this time, Benny guided Frankie’s face to him, noses bumping with the closeness. “Will and Santi, I don’t think they’d care. They might be a bit confused at first but they want us to be happy. Tom is gonna have a problem but after the shit he pulled today, I ain’t plan’n on talking to him anyway. And I’m not going to hell. I believe in God, a God of love, and I can’t believe he’d be against this, because this, this is love.” It was Benny that kissed Frankie, who eagerly opened his mouth to him, the kiss all encompassing and desperate, fueled by the locked away passion of all these years. “Before you, I never… I thought something was wrong with me, nothing turned me on, I thought, well I guess the term now is asexual, but when I saw you with Will that first day, everything changed. I realized… I never even looked at men because I didn’t think it was even an option. With you, everything made sense. You were the only thing that ever made sense to me.”

Frankie wrapped his arms around Ben, bodies pressed tightly as their mouths bumped together, in and out of kisses as the confessions poured out. “I’m sorry, Benny, I just wanted to protect you, I just wanted you to be safe, that’s all I ever wanted, Ben” The relief he felt was insurmountable, to be here, to be with Benny, finally holding him, kissing him. He wanted more, he wanted so much more, he wanted Benny naked in his arms, he wanted to make Benny feel good.

“I know, baby, I know, shhh, it’s okay, Francisco.” Benny pulled him tight against him, feeling the growing erection in his pants matching his own. “Can I help you with that?”

Frankie hesitated, so Ben reassured him. “We don’t have to do anything, we got all the time in the world, but they won’t wake up, I promise. They're out cold.”

“Y-yeah” There was nothing Frankie wanted more in the entire world. Benny reached a hand to palm the bulge in Frankie’s pants, Frankie pressing soft kisses into his neck. “Sorry, I’m usually a little more in control in these situations.”

“It’s okay, you got plenty of time to show me what you got later, just let me make you feel good, after everything today, we deserve that.” Carefully unbuttoning his pants, Benny pulled his cock out. The sheer size of him was no surprise, he’d seen it in the shower and taking a piss before, but fully hard and in his hand? Fuck, Benny thought there could be nothing better.

“Fuck, fuuuuuck, Benjamin…” Frankie groaned as Benny stroked him, rutting himself against Benny’s leg. “I’m sorry, I can’t believe I waited this long to feel you.” He knew he was crying, but he couldn’t stop it.

“Hey, hey” Benny’s free hand played with Frankie’s hair. “We’re right where we need to be”

“Thank you, Benny, thank you.” He was breathless, on the verge of spilling over so soon, but god, wouldn’t that be embarrassing? But Benny felt so good, and they waited for so long…

Benny took his own dick out, not wanting to get sticky cum inside his pants he’d have do god knows what in tomorrow.

They were cold, laying on rocks and backpacks of blood money, it was messy and hushed but it was uninhibited, and so unabashedly them, finally being able to express to each other what they meant.

“Can you come for me? Hm?” Benny asked, speeding up his movements for both himself and Frankie, who was clinging to him like a rock in the storm.

“Don’t know if I can be quiet Ben, you feel so fucking good.” Frankie was practically whimpering.

Guiding Frankie’s head to the crook of his neck, he held him close, cradling his head. “Let it out, Francisco, let it go, it’s okay”

Muffled by Benny’s warm, sweaty skin, with a choked sob, Frankie came on Benny’s hand, Ben’s own release following soon after with the sounds of Frankie’s pleasure. They laid there for a moment after covering themselves again because it was fucking cold out and staying there in each other's embrace. In the most Benjamin Miller fashion, he cleaned up with hundred-dollar bills, throwing them away into the dry brush.

Guiding Benny to turn over so his back was to Frankie’s chest, pulled flush against him, Frankie wrapped his arms around Benny in a protective grasp, holding him close, basking in the shared warmth on the cold mountain.

“What about the others?” Benny asked him.

“Let them see. I don’t care any more, don’t wanna hide. I love you.” Frankie promised, his racing thoughts finally as ease, allowing him to get some much needed sleep.

“Frank, promise me…” Benny’s voice trailed off as sleep pulled at him as well, safe and warm in Frankie’s strong arms.

“Anything, Carino.”

“If we live, we’ll finally figure this out, we’ll finally do something about this.”

“Think we can? After everything we’ve done, I got the baby, and who knows what’s going to happen tomorrow, and-”

“Yeah,” Benny wrapped his arms around Frankies, scooting back to feel every bit of him he could. “We can figure it out, all of it. Things are different now, way different from when we were kids… we can get married, raise your daughter, have a normal, happy life, together.”

“Yeah. You and me, together. Happily every after.”

“Happily ever after.”

Whatever came in the morning, whatever Will or Santi thought, whatever bullshit Tom pulled, whatever happened or whatever they had to do, it would be okay, because he was right where he needed to be. In his arms.

I can tell you my love for you will still be strong

After the boys of summer have gone

*******************

Goddamn. Shit almost got me a few times, I'll tell you that. When Frankie was explaining to Benny why he got so distant, I almost lost it, and I had a lot of feelings writing Tom. I struggled with finding the write words, bc I 100% beleive tom is completely homophobic and would use worse slurs, but despite the fact I am a bisexual woman, I cant bring myself to type them.

For the record, no one brought it up. Tom didn't say a word to benny or frankie up through his death. Even after everything. Benny still was upset because it's Benny, and he is attached to everyone.

Santi knew Frankie and Benny had feelings for each other, so he wasn't surprised, and Will was a bit confused, but its not like he hadn't suspected it before either, but ofc he supported them.

I hope ya'll like this. If you want more Benny/Frankie, conside checking out the Awakening Series. It's mostly various group sex/ threesomes, etc but it's a continuing exploration of sexuality and romance, and a different take on how Benny and Santi find each other. Also if you're looking for more M/M Triple Frontire work, plleeaasseee go check out this series, its a fucking incredible Santi/Benny series and the writer just had inspiration for chapter 4 so maybe if ya'll show her appreciation and love for this amazing series they'll keep going!

Might be the last fic I write for a hot min. due to car problems, i need to pick up extra shifts and I got papers comign up I need to work on so you might not hear from me a whole lot, but I love you all!

taggimg my usuals, but I know its not a reader fic so if its not your thing no worry!!!!

@luciannadraven33 @welcometostayingawake @howaboutcastiel @in-between-the-cafes @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @littlenosoul @apollo-enthusiast @milkymoon2483 @kittyofalltrades @howaboutcastiel

EDIT

Part 2 here

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