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kiri-cuts · 10 months

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Gordon’s good boy getaway in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter

“Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter” is a film stacked with true star power. There’s the scenery buffet feast that a sublimely jittery Crispin Glover chews on throughout his performance as an unfuckable nerd who is able to victoriously prove himself otherwise. Not to mention Corey Feldman’s spectacular turn as Crystal Lake’s returning champion, Tommy Jarvis –- a concupiscent adolescent who hits the puberty jackpot in the form of nubile, naked women undressing in the windows right opposite his bedroom. Well, until one Mr. Jason Voorhees inconveniently cockblocks him, that is. But such is life.

But all horny, disposable humans aside, there is another star in this movie, and he just so happens to be a rare survivor –- that good boy is Gordon, the beloved golden retriever of the Jarvis family. Historically, dogs don’t fare well in any horror movie. In the “Halloween” franchise, they’re a tasty protein hit for hulking boilersuit enthusiast Michael Myers. The Farber’s dog in “Funny Games” is the first of the family to be sacrificed for Beavis and Butthead’s entertainment. And let's not forget the little terrier who gets turned into a mushy microwave-ready meal in “Urban Legend.”

For whatever reason, Jason Voorhees –- or J-Vo, as the kids call him –- is seemingly not as keen on killing dogs as he is on destroying those damn pot-smoking, freewheelin’ youths who keep fucking too close to his mom’s grave (Manhattan included, I guess). Either that or the dogs of “Friday the 13th” simply have a good nose for trouble and know how to get out of a bad situation. Forget your final girls –- this franchise is all about final canines.

In “Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan,” for instance, a poor border collie named Toby gets dragged onto the world’s weirdest school cruise where it knows better than to stick around to be sliced and diced by the water-logged brick shithouse on deck. Upon arriving in Manhattan, Toby wastes no time with heroics and gets the fuck out of there while the humans he’s kicking it with get preyed upon by the horrors of New York City … and, to a surprisingly lesser extent, by Jason. Toby makes a brave return to his owner right at the end of the film, presumably after taking in a Broadway show and a few slices of $1 pizza.

In “Friday the 13th: Part 2,” a goofy Shih Tzu named Muffin likewise takes a convenient stroll away from the scene murder-thon long enough that she may or may not evade Jason’s butchering. Whether or not she’s successful is a source of heated debate. On the one hand, what looks to be the mutilated remains of a fluffster are discovered in the woods, along with her fave boss bitch accessories –- an adorable hair ribbon and a jingle-bell collar so she can announce herself everywhere she goes (a terrible choice for surviving a slasher, honestly). It’s nice to see her shuffling back onto the screen at the end of the movie –- I cheer every time –- but most fans argue this entire end sequence is little more than a dream sequence. But real or imagined, my girl Muffin returns, okay? And that’s that.

In “Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter,” Gordon also knows what's up. While he sticks around long enough to earn his loyalty badge over at dog camp (I imagine), once the bodies start piling up in his family home, ol’ Gordon doesn’t fuck around. Like many of the final girls that have come before and since this smart golden retriever launches himself through the top-floor window of his family home and to safety. Some say if you close your eyes in New Jersey during a crisp Summer’s night, you can still hear the high-speed gallop of his paws as he bets against humanity to instead save himself (good call).

Smashing through a window as an escape is a legit final girl move –- one beloved by the likes of Sidney Prescott in “Scream” and Sally Hardesty in “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (in fact, that grand slam of a survivor does it twice in one movie). So, it’s no surprise to see Gordon holding his own in “Friday the 13th: Part 2” as the film’s true final girl. Move over, Tommy Jarvis! Gordon Vs. Jason is coming.

The “Friday the 13th” wiki page –- a website I have no reason to believe is anything but 1000% reliable on all matters of fictional canon –- states that Gordon definitely survived the movie. At least, that’s apparently the case according to the “Friday the 13th” game which suggests that authorities found the survivor pooch and returned him to the Jarvis family afterward (or what was left of them, at least). However, Tommy never mentions his bestie again in the two other films that the character shows up in. Nor does he join him on a single on-screen adventure. Maybe Gordon was old? Maybe he had worms and wasn’t up to the journey? Who knows.

What I do know is that the dog’s savvy in jumping through that window and getting to safety is maybe the greatest and smartest move of any character in the “Friday the 13th” franchise. In my heart, I envisioned Gordon running for days, train-hopping between states, and finding nice countryside retreats to live out his best days in after jumping into the back of some arl’fella’s truck. If you keep moving, he’d say to himself between giant bowls of free kibble, then the psychos can’t get you. If you keep running, then the poochie-PTSD can’t find you, either. Smart boy. Good boy. Woof.

Every few months, Tommy would receive a crusty postcard depicting a vague scene of Americana bliss. Vegas, Texas, Ohio –- all reduced to something sepia and burnt-looking. On the back would be the illegible scrawl of the golden retriever who got away –- “Dear Tommy,” it would read. “Another new town. Luckily, no shortage of lonely women here and so the kibble keeps flowing heh. Staying clear of hockey masks. The papers say it might rain this Summer. Here’s hoping. Look after yourself - Gordon.” Leaving his paw print as his sign-off, Tommy’s long-lost best friend would live to bark another day. The true star of the show, and the franchise’s greatest survivor.

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#friday the 13th #the dogs of friday the 13th #dogs in movies #dogs in horror movies #horror movies

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