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sincerelystranger · 3 years

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authors note: three moments in Jiang Cheng’s 16 years without WWX

One.

Rage is not the right word for what Jiang Cheng feels that first year.

Rage is too weak. Too clean. Too simple.

There’s something alive in Jiang Cheng’s veins that first year. Something that drives sleep and sense away from Jiang Cheng, leaving him empty of everything except this burning need to find something – anything – of Wei Wuxian’s and… and make sure that it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.

So, maybe he goes a little insane that first year.

Maybe that’s the year that people start making rumors, start saying things such as:

“Don’t mention the Yiling Patriarch around Sandu Shengshou – he’ll kill anyone who mentions him!”

“I heard he captured a rogue cultivator who dabbled in demonic cultivation and tortured him to death!”

“It’s said that if he knows that you have one of the Yiling Patriarch’s inventions, he’ll kill you and destroy your soul.”

These rumors aren’t necessarily good… but they do put him on the fast track to getting some goddamned respect from other clans. Or maybe respect isn’t the right word.

Fear.

Yeah.

They call him crazy and unhinged… but also righteous and furious and strong.

(Son of the Violet Spider, they say, he got all of his mother’s poison.

They don’t mention his father.)

Some idiots actually come up to him and thank him for killing the Yiling patriarch…

They thank him.

Sandu creaks in his hands and Zidian crackles threateningly on his clenched fist.

This can’t be rage, he thinks as he watches the stupid cultivators run away from him.

Jiang Cheng knows rage.

Rage doesn’t hurt like this.

Two.

Jiang Cheng tries to forget. He won’t ever forgive – he doesn’t know how to forgive – but he tries to forget.

Because it seems unfair to his sister and his mother and his father to let this traitor occupy so much of Jiang Cheng’s head (and his heart).

That traitor doesn’t even deserve to be remembered.

He doesn’t.

And Jiang Cheng hates him.

Jiang Cheng hates him and hates him and hates him.

(Because hating him is so much easier than missing him and Jiang Cheng would rather cut off both his arms than admit that. It feels like betrayal to miss him, and Jiang Cheng can’t decide which part of himself he hates more: the part that can’t seem to forget him even a little bit or the part of himself that misses him so much that he aches.)

Jiang Cheng hates him and maybe Jiang Cheng hates himself a little bit too.

Because…

Because sometimes he dreams.

He dreams of hands, only a little larger than his, guiding him as he pulls his bow string. Dreams of an arm swung over his shoulder, pulling him into another half-baked, hair brained scheme. Dreams of…

“I’m never going to be able to cultivate my golden core,” Jiang Cheng rages, furious tears running down his face and onto his pillow.

The room is dark and quiet and Jiang Cheng feels humiliated by his tears and his inability to do anything right. He’s angry and embarrassed and a little bit sorry because he had said horribly mean things to Wei Wuxian earlier that day. He hadn’t really meant any of it, but he had been so angry because everything came so easy to Wei Wuxian and of course he’d develop his golden core before Jiang Cheng.

Of course.

Of course, but it still makes Jiang Cheng so irrationally angry and jealous and…

(It would have been so much better if Wei Wuxian was his real brother. Then Jiang Cheng wouldn’t have to worry about being the best and leading the Sect one day. He could just be happy for his brother.)

Jiang Cheng hears a soft sigh and the rustle of blankets as Wei Wuxian gets out of bed.

Just the soft sound of Wei Wuxian’s bare feet padding towards him is enough to make something loosen in Jiang Cheng’s chest.

Good. At least Wei Wuxian isn’t mad at him for what he said earlier. Jiang Cheng hadn’t really meant it anyway. He had just been…

“A-Cheng,” Wei Wuxian says, and Jiang Cheng stays curled away from him. His pride keeping him from turning towards Wei Wuxian even when he wants to.

Wei Wuxian just sighs again and climbs onto Jiang Cheng’s bed and curls up behind him.

He’s bigger than Jiang Cheng, because of course he is.

He places a hand on Jiang Cheng’s solarplex – where Jiang Cheng’s golden core should be.

“A-Cheng,” Wei Wuxian says again, “Breathe. Focus. Do you feel this heat here?”

Jiang Cheng nods, just a little.

“That’s your golden core – you already have it. So don’t be upset.”

Jiang Cheng breathes and feels the warmth in his chest. Feels it expand and contract with his breaths.

“If I have it, why can’t I activate a talisman?” Jiang Cheng asks, suspiciously, ever hesitant to be happy.

“You have to learn how to move this heat around your body,” Wei Wuxian says, and he moves his palm from Jiang Cheng’s solarplex up to his heart and down his arm to his hand. “Once you do it once, it’ll be easier to do it again.”

It… seems to make sense.

“Why does everything come so easy to you?” Jiang Cheng asks petulantly. Feeling relieved but still a bit sore and ornery.

“Because I think everything is easy,” Wei Wuxian says matter-of-factly. “Everything is so difficult to you because you think of everything difficultly. If you relaxed, I’m sure everything would come easy for you too.”

It’s the type of logic that only makes sense when it comes out of Wei Wuxian’s mouth and Jiang Cheng finds himself rolling his eyes.

“Whatever.”

Jiang Cheng’s eyes aren’t wet when he wakes from these dreams but…

But Jiang Cheng feels the ghost of something run down his arm and…

Maybe he would have an easier time forgetting that traitor if that traitor hadn’t…

Jiang Cheng puts a hand over his solarplex, breathes in and out.

Whatever.

Three.

Jiang Cheng only cries once.

Jin Ling is thirteen and he’s just won his first archery competition.

It’s… magnificent… and it should be a perfect day of celebration and pride but…

But Jiang Cheng is in the cursed Burial Mounds, frantically searching for, for something, because…

Because…

Because the moment Jin Ling had won, he had turned around to look for…

“He won, goddammit!” Jiang Cheng screams, feeling half out of his mind. “I taught him and he won and you’re the fucking traitor who killed his parents so tell me why the fuck I’m still searching for you?”

Why had the first person he searched for been him? Not his sister, not his father, not even the fucking peacock.

Him.

Him?

Why?

Jiang Cheng slams Sandu into a rock and doesn’t even feel a hint of satisfaction at the way it splits in two.

He falls to his knees and screams.

“Why am I always the one searching for you?” he screams, embarrassed and angry and… and aching. “Just once – just once – can’t you...”

And Jiang Cheng can’t say anything else because he can’t stop fucking sobbing and it’s embarrassing and he wants to fucking die.

He hates him.

“Can’t you just once…”

#mdzs #jiang cheng #the untamed #wei wuxian #my fic #yunmeng bros

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sope-and-shine · 4 years

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Christmas Special: Day 4

-> Pairing: Jimin x Reader -> Elf!AU // Kinda platonic-kinda romantic -> Word Count: 3.6k -> Summary: Working as Santa’s go-to elf has it’s ups and downs. ->Warning(s): None?? If you don’t like Christmas don’t read maybe??

A/N: This one is so late. It’s not what I planned originally, but it’s still pretty on point with what I was going for. I’ve spent so much time on this that I can’t spend anymore. Sorry for any mistakes or things that don’t line up! I hope it’s at least enjoyable!

Christmas is a magical time for everyone of all ages. It’s a time of laughter, joy, and togetherness. Families come together to celebrate the holiday with merriment, practicing traditions as a whole. Celebrations of many different kinds and of many different backgrounds from all over the world! Despite the nip of chilly air and harsh weather across the globe, it was still welcomed in the Christmas spirit. Couples - old and young - using the cold as an excuse to stay close to one another. Shop owners and their employees excited for the days off they would have to bask in the Holiday cheer. Nobody in their right mind wanted to work on Christmas.

Nobody human that is.

Elves were all about Christmas, they work around the clock 349 days a year to ensure that Christmas Eve runs smoothly for everyone. Elves of all shapes and sizes run around doing whatever job they were assigned to prepare for such a large event. Not the short, shrimpy characters that children imagine, but the full grown, working Elves. The North Pole is only ever at a standstill Christmas Day, the next three days after, and both days of Christmas Eve if you weren’t a part of the Santa’s roster. It’s a special night for everyone, and Elves love to celebrate their hard work before they get back into the swing for the next year ahead of them.

You - like a select few - are one of Santa’s Elves. Not to say that all Elves aren’t Santa’s Elves, but you’re a part of the special bunch that help the big guy stay on track throughout the year. Santa has 8, including yourself, that take care of issues within the Pole so he doesn’t have to do it all on his own. Each elf was given a special task that was given based on their own skills and personal traits that Santa entrusted them with for the success of the holiday season.

Santa’s shops were run and operated by three Elves: Seokjin, Hoseok, and Jeongguk. All toys were manufactured in the toy shop with Seokjin, inspected - and decorated if it was called for - before they were sent to Hoseok to be boxed or wrapped, and finally sent to The Dome with Jeongguk to be sorted for the Christmas run. Seokjin was a great toy maker, arguably one of the best in the shop! Not only were his skills amazing, but he has one of those personalities that just made you want to keep going and work harder with every word of encouragement he gave you(Even is he did throw in poorly timed puns and cringe worthy dad jokes). He gave his all to his Maker Elves, and Santa trusted him to keep toys chugging along the conveyor belts. Hoseok was another bright personality that lit up the Decoration and Packaging Shop. He was especially good at decorating and wrapping when he first started in the shops, and it didn’t take long before Santa appointed him his current position within the shop. His bubbly personality kept everyone in bright spirits throughout the day, and it made working long hours much easier. Especially when he’d turn up Yoongi’s station and blast the holiday tunes throughout the workshop speakers. Jeongguk stopped by everyday, three times a day to collect and move to The Dome where all the presents are separated and split for Christmas Eve. His natural strength made his lead an easy placement for the big man in red, almost a no brainer since the boy could handle almost anything. Jeongguk wasn’t only in charge of ensuring the bags were filled correctly, but he also made sure Santa’s sleigh was ready to go and in tiptop condition. His go-to and happy attitude made him an even better candidate.

Then there was Yoongi and Taehyung. Yoongi worked in the broadcast tower reporting weather and keeping the music going across the Pole to help with the Holiday cheer. Taehyung worked in the stables with the reindeer taking care of them everyday, up until it’s time for take off on Christmas Eve. Neither boy was any good in the workshops with Yoongi falling asleep at his wrapping bench and Taehyung ignoring the color patterns placed in front of him. Their attention spans were pretty limited, and a lot of the elves had given up on them very early on. But Santa wasn’t as willing to just brush them aside. He discovered Yoongi’s love for music as well as Taehyung’s fascination with the reindeer and gave them a new start. Santa saw them at their best even when others saw them at their worst, and they made it their mission to do their job correctly and efficiently so Santa could continue to help others just like them.

Elves including Namjoon; a tall, clumsy elf with no real knack for anything that he was given. Toy making, decorating, wrapping, cooking, baking, reindeer care, naughty or nice tracking, and mail delivery. Everything that one could think of, he’d already proved he couldn’t do it. But Santa knew better than to write him off. He’d seen Namjon in action, when he forgets for just a second that anyone is actually watching. He’s helpful, kind, and very headstrong. He thinks before he speaks and encourages others even when he can’t encourage himself. That’s why Santa placed him in the school where he can observe the younger elves and help guide them to where they should go. This way - in those special cases - they have someone who knows what it’s like to not really be a good fit.

A good job for Elves that didn’t make toys well or couldn’t decorate as nicely as others was Naughty or Nice Tracking. It’s a small department, it was probably the second most important to ensure Santa’s Naughty and Nice lists stay on track. It’s an exclusive group of 20 to 30 Elves that go out into the world and check up on children. They could be troubled, they could go from one list straight to another out of the blue, or they could just need a helping hand. The Naughty or Nice Tracking Elves made sure that if a child wasn’t tracking right, they were list jumping, or they just needed a friend, that someone would be able to check on them. They were lead by Jimin, another Elf who didn’t really enjoy making toys. Decorating was nice and wrapping wasn’t terrible, he just didn't find any joy in either activity. Not like the joy he felt with looking after and encouraging children to be good and kind to others.

Then that left you: Santa’s right hand. You were what kept everything running while Santa stuck to his own schedule. If Santa was in the Naughty or Nice Tracking Department, then you were in the broadcast center checking up on Yoongi and the elves he worked with. If Santa was getting his fill of cookies, then you were checking up on Seokjin and Hoseok in the workshop to make sure nothing was going astray. You collected the mail from the millions of children writing to Santa and delivered it directly to him, your personally made sure the reindeer were being brushed and had fresh supplies - Really, you just wanted to give some good boys pets. You knew Taehyung could handle it. You made sure Namjoon wasn’t having any trouble placing Elves, reporting back to Santa is there was anyone that needed an extra push. But most importantly, you made sure Christmas Eve loading, takeoff, travel, and landing went smoothly every year. You were one of the 8 that opted out of a few more days off in favor of spreading joy across the globe to those in need of it.

Without the 8 of you, Christmas would be a bust. That’s why as Christmas gets closer, everyone gets a little more tense. The Naughty or Nice Tracking Elves were working double what they were before, sometimes going days at a time without being seen. Breaks in the workshops happened more often as the days got shorter and the weeks started to disappear. Hours and minutes ticked by faster and faster, almost cutting themselves in half if you looked away for even a moment. Seokjin and Hoseok always took it the hardest as they tried to account for and encourage everyone that Christmas would be fine just like every other year. Jeongguk has already reported to you about a stack of boxes that had toppled over in The Dome, and had to send them back to Jin and Hobi to make sure they weren’t damaged on the inside. Yoongi always tried his hardest to stay awake longer than he normally would at the beginning of the year, but requests usually come piling in for him to. Elves begging for songs to be played, sometimes the same song appearing so often that Yoongi has no choice but to repeat for a while. But that usually stresses others out after hearing it constantly being played. Christmas music may be the majority of what they play at the Pole, but even Elves have their limits. Taehyung has to be extra careful with who he lets into the stable as Christmas quickly approaches. Reindeers are emotional creatures just like any other animal, and they’re hyper aware if someone is anxious or stressed. They have a tendency to sort of self destruct if they get too worked up. If someone looking for relaxation comes in and stresses out the reindeer, then everyone will have an even bigger problem on their hands.

Your pile of chores only grows higher as days continue on. With more shop breakages, the more supplies need to be ordered. You’d had to ask Mrs. Claus to go twice this month already, and it was just past December 8th at this point. If the boys in the shop couldn’t calm down their workers, then you could see Mrs. Claus just sending you with another elf to collect. She was a busy woman herself making sure everyone had enough to eat, she couldn’t leave as often as you’d need her to at some point. She and her husband were very busy, and that left everything to you: The next in line.

If anything was wrong, then you were the one everyone was supposed to go to.

“So, that’s where my problem is right now.” Jeongguk slides out from underneath the sleigh. Dirt and grime cover his cheeks and clothes, not to mention his brown hair is a mess. He’d decided to take a look at the sleigh early this morning to make sure everything was still tight and working well, but he found that there was something wrong with Santa’s engine. The hunk of metal wouldn’t start, and if it didn’t start then it wouldn’t float. If the sleigh wouldn’t float, then the reindeer wouldn’t even hit the snow at the end of the run. That left you in need of - once again - more supplies.

“And you’re absolutely positive that we don’t have any of these things here?” You asks, not even looking at the boy. You stare straight ahead towards the sleigh trying to recount every supply you’d gotten a week ago down to the tiny box of screws you ordered.

“I’m sure, (Y/n)! I promise, I wouldn’t have called you here if I didn’t think we needed it. Honestly, I was kinda hoping that as soon as you walked into The Dome it would just turn on.” He admits, resting his arms on his knees.

“Jeongguk!” Another Elf calls for him. He excuses himself with the promise to be back quickly, leaving you to get lost in your thoughts about everything. Perhaps if you got everyone to take a 10 minute break and stretch, then you’d be able to get them to calm down. Then again, they’d probably freak out that they’d just lost 10 minutes they could’ve used for working on their jobs for the day.

“Hey, (Y/n)!” The voice calling you out of your daydream was one you instantly recognized: Jimin’s. Just like most of the Naughty or Nice Tracking Elves, you hadn’t seen much of him either. You’d heard from him - being Santa’s right hand and all - but just that he was doing some last minute scoutings.

You turn to him, taking note of the change in his hair. He was blonde when he left, but it looks like he dyed it black while checking in on a few kids. His usually pointed ears were still tucked away in their covers, something Tracking Elves wore when they went to investigate their lists down south. You had a pair yourself for the trips with Mrs. Claus to receive the supplies every month. Despite it being new, it still suit him just like every other color he had already tried and wore beautifully.

“Yeah? Did you need something?” You ask, tucking a loose strand of your own hair behind your ear.

He reaches into a black messenger bag that hangs down at his side, and pulls out some papers, “I want to talk to you about some scheduling issues I’ve been having.”

You sigh. You were hoping he’d brought back more mail. You honestly had hopes that he brought you 10 times what he had in his hand if it meant you didn’t have any real problems to attend to, “Can I look at it a little later, Chim? Guk has a few problems of his own that I need to fix ASAP.”

“Yeah, I get that, but this needs to be done soon.” He stresses, shaking his papers a bit.

“I know, Jimin. I know! But I already have a pile of things that need to be done. Isn’t this something that you can look over?” You ask.

A look of guilt flashes over his face, his bottom lip tucking itself between his teeth. He looks like he wants to say something, but The Domes side doors slam open before he can speak, followed by a deep yell of ‘(Y/n)!’. You can’t help but sigh as you see not only Seokjin and Hoseok storming in, but Yoongi and Taehyung as well. Now, 6 out of the 7 people you were responsible for apparently had problems. You can’t help but think that if Namjoon walks through the door next, you might just scream.

“What?” You ask, not prepared for the onslaught they had prepared for you.

“My conveyor belt is broken! It won’t take the toys to Hoseok anymore!”

“-Heidi won’t eat any of her food and she’s just laying around. I think she might be pregnant!”

“-I’ve been trying to keep track of the weather forecasts, and I already found one predicting a hardcore blizzard in the Northeastern Hemisphere around Christmas.”

“-We don’t have any glitter.”

It takes a full minute to fully grasp what they all had said, but by that time Guk was back with yet another problem to add to the list only you can solve, “So, we ran out of spare lights for the run.”

The list just never ended at this point! This was your 4th Christmas as Santa’s right hand elf, but it felt like your first one all over again. This quite possibly had to be the worst one yet with how many problems kept coming up. Couldn’t any of them figure this out without bombarding you first? Guk’s matter were definitely the most pressing, and Taehyung had some leeway despite the need to come to you instead of the actual vet. Jin’s could be forgiven, but someone could easily take them over to Hoseok’s shop with the cart Jeongguk usually hauls them with until you could come to him. Hoseok...you weren’t even going to entertain this when he knows how to contact you about needed Decorating supplies.

All you needed was one break, just one!

“(Y/n)? Hey, I need your help! I broke the glass case in the school and I can’t find a broom.” Namjoon joins the group of boys surrounding you, obviously not picking up on the urgency that was going on.

“That’s it!” You huff. Too much. All of them were too much! You needed to get away from them before you lost it. Problem after problem with them, yet none of them could do it without you! They were grown Elves, they were told what they could do, not everything had to be reported to you directly and they knew that!

You direct yourself to Jeongguk first, “I’ll get the supplies ordered today with everything else I have to reorder. I need to know by 5 o’clock if you need anything else, and that goes for all of you. Text me.” You send him away and nod Hoseok away with him as well. You turn, “Jin, have someone hand deliver until I can get a tech to go and check it out. If you can’t wait, then go grab one yourself. Joon, the broom is in the closet in your office that’s to the right of what you broke, that’s why you couldn’t find it.” You wave them away as well and immediately turn to Taehyung, “Tae, if you think she’s pregnant, please go and find the vet! Do not waste her time looking for me when she should be having a check up.” You sigh, shooing him away as well. “Thank you for informing me, Yoongs, but we don’t need these reports until Friday hits.” He nods in understanding and leaves just like the others, leaving you with Jimin by the apparently broken sleigh.

7 problems not really fixed, one more to figure out. You take the paperwork Jimin still holds in his hands and glance at the shift numbers, running through a mental list before confirming what he’d have to do, “Just use some backup Elves from the on-call list. Tell the others first, but they should be able to help out until we can get through this year.”

“Sounds like a plan.” He takes his papers back, but he lingers behind to stand with you for just a moment longer, “Are you okay?”

You don’t miss the concern laced in his voice. You saw it with the others as you dismissed them - something you’d apologize for later - but he was the only one that stuck behind. “I’m fine, Chim.”

“Let’s take a walk.” He suggests. Well, it was more of a command than a suggestion. He’ll end up dragging you with him even if you say no, so there’s no real getting out of this one. You just nod in agreement and follow him out of the garage and into the Run of The Dome. Multiple conveyor belts move throughout the room, always staying clear of where Santa’s sleigh is supposed to go. There a few piles of gifts that have yet to be taken to the correct room, waiting for their assigned elves to come back to them. It’s quiet compared to what you’d just gone through, something you really needed at the moment. Jimin himself seems like he could use this walk more than you with how much he’s fidgeting. Like he’s almost uncomfortable.

“Are you okay, Chim?” You ask, looking to him through your peripherals as you walk around the room aimlessly. As annoyed and as stressed as you may be, you can’t deny that he must also be stressed out as well.

“I’m really sorry for coming to you with this when I could’ve done this myself. I just wanted an excuse to spend time with you since I haven’t seen you since I left last week.” He admits sheepishly.

His confession makes you blush and turn your head, a small ‘Thank you’ leaving your mouth. Park Jimin certainly had a way to mess with you, especially after you’ve been a butt. You sigh, “I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier. All of you at once with problems is just too overbearing.”

“You know, you are entitled to a break too.” He doesn’t look at you, he just walks next to you knowing that you’re listening to him. “You take care of everyone here, but you don’t take care of yourself.”

“There’s a lot going on right now, Chim. I can take care of myself, I promise.” You say. You’re not the least bit convincing however, as Jimin only sighs at you.

You both walk closer to where the piles of gifts are set up, clearing the way of any stray presents that could fall off of a belt. It’s almost unreal to watch everything come together like this. The Dome was probably your favorite spot in the Pole besides the stables. Part of you wonders if Jimin has a favorite spot in the Pole. He was always gone, so there was really no way to tell with how little you saw of him.

“How was your trip?” You ask.

He shrugs, “Same as usual. Another child that was hopping from list to list. Turns out he wasn’t being naughty, his sister was blaming her faults on him. Stealing cookies, writing on the walls, salt in their father’s coffee. Let me tell you, it was not as fun as it sounds.”

You stop in front of a present pile and pick you up to inspect it, “Do you ever regret choosing that job?”

“Depending on what I’m checking in on, I do. The children I see that have lost their hope and trust in Santa, they’re the ones that hit me the hardest since they’re usually the children in bad homes. They’ve lost faith in their parents so there’s no one else that they can trust.” He explains, tucking his hands away in his pockets. He shrugs, “I feel bad when I come back and remove those files from the lists, because I really don’t want to give up on them.”

“I feel bad when I can’t help everyone at the same time.” You admit, taking in a long, heavy breath, “Everyone has their own issues that are important to their department, but they’re not always important to me compared to the others. I forget that.”

“I don’t know, glitter didn’t seem that important to me.” Jimin chides.

“But it is! Sara Edwards from Richmond, Virginia and Kim Taeyeon from Gwangju, South Korea; both are 4 years old and they want Shimmer and Shine dolls! I can’t give them Shimmer and Shine dolls without any Shimmer or Shine!” You argue.

Jimins hands move from his pockets to rest on your shoulders, a proud smile just for you, “And that’s why you shouldn’t doubt yourself.”

You give a weak smile back, already feeling better from his quick little pep talk. It wasn’t a wonder why he was the head of his department. If you felt this relieved, then you wished you could see the kids when he comes to check in. It was powerful.

“Could I have an encouraging hug?” You ask, fingers tapping at the edge of your coat.

“If that’s what it takes.” Jimin laughs and pulls you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you in a big hug. He’s warm, and his fruity scent feels like home. You feel protected, like you’re with family. You must have the same effect on him with how he sighs in content, “Are you feeling the Christmas spirit now?”

“Yeah. I do.” You nod shyly, still tucked into his chest with your arms loosely wrapped around his waist.

Christmas may be hectic this year, and it may just get worse next year. Everyone’s problems may not get resolved, and you may have a breakdown at some point before the presents even get packed into their bags. But at least you know you have someone who’s looking out for you.

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