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hxlding-on-blog · 5 years

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i know i should probably go ask someone else for this advice but i want to write a trans character and im not trans so how do i do that? what are the dos and donts? i wanted to ask a trans person before going to anyone else and hope im not a bother!

Random Asks || ANONYMOUS

Well! Not to worry, dear anon! Your local baby trans brother is here to help as best as he can! Now, I want to begin with a …

[ s h o r t d i s c l a i m e r ] : there is no single way to write a trans character. This is because, just like cis characters, they’re all different. There’s so many ways to tell any character’s story, trans or cis or whatever else. I am also not an expert. Even if I am trans, I’ve ( probably ) only lived this one life and path. Therefore, I can’t speak for many other trans experiences. Still! I can offer advice and subtle criticisms from my own viewpoint!

Without further ado, here’s my take on writing trans characters:

>Disclaimer, But Longer

This is not the world’s best guide! I am not the world’s most trans person ( and that doesn’t even exist ); I am simply one single trans boy speaking from the perspective of such. I have done as much research as I had done before pertaining to this subject, have interacted with other trans people with differing experiences, but can’t speak on their behalf. With that in mind, I am still a somewhat valid source for criticism. If you ask me for my opinion on trans-based writing, I will gladly offer it but do remember that I am still young! I’m a baby boy, what can I say?

This guide also doesn’t include everything. There’s so much to say on being trans, in writing or in general, and writing the experience will always be a bit difficult if you haven’t lived it. Though, you should do research. Reading my guide will not be enough and I urge for you to reach out to other trans people; writers, or otherwise. Read other guides, do other research ( such as the effects of certain hormones ), and listen to criticism if you receive it. I highly suggest you ask a trans person if you’re unsure about something.

I am also a trans boy who’s very offset by the idea of generally being seen as female. My research on trans women is little / few and, though I’ve looked into it, my knowledge is not as extensive as my research on trans men! Please do your own looking up whenever you can; it’s important that you don’t only get your information from a fifteen year old trans boy about writing a thirty-something trans woman!!!

[ TL; DR, I should not be your only source and you should do your own research whilst listening to trans people if you get something wrong ]

>Common Terms

[ Deadname ] = A trans person’s unused given name. It’s called a dead name for a reason; they don’t use it. Some people have differing reactions to it- such as avoiding it, ignoring it, or responding to it on certain occasions- but is generally not used in many / most cases.

[ Transgender ] = An adjective used to describe someone who doesn’t align with their assigned gender. This includes nonbinary people. It can’t be used as a noun ( for example, ‘transgenders’ ) and is shortened to trans in most cases.

[ AGAB ] = Acronym for ‘Assigned Gender At Birth’ where Gender is replaced with Male or Female. For example, AFAB or AMAB.

[ Legal Name ] = The name that is on their legal documents. It may be their deadname, or it may be their current name; whichever one it is, it’s the one they’d have on certain documents ( school registrations, job applications, etc ) and can be changed.

[ Testosterone ] = Hormones that will change a feminine body into something more masculine, including hair growth, fat redistribution, and other bodily functions. It can be administered through a syringe, a gel / patches, or pills. Often shorted to T and used in terms such as T shot.

[ Estrogen ] = Hormones that will change a masculine body into something more feminine, including hair growth, fat redistribution, and other bodily functions. Often shortened to E.

[ Hormone Blockers ] = A medication used to block / stop / pause the effects of hormones in the body. This is typically used amongst younger trans people that are too young to take T or E.

[ Pre-Op ] = Refers to people who plan on getting operations done to change their sex; if someone were to want top surgery but haven’t had it yet, they’d be considered pre-op. Some trans people aren’t pre-op if they’d decided they don’t want to undergo a surgery.

[ Post-Op ] = Refers to people who have had their operations done. For example, metoidioplasty.

[ Gender Dysphoria ] = A term to describe general uncomfort in relation to someone’s gender and their body. Found typically prominent when it comes to hormones.

[ Gender Euphoria ] = A term to describe general joy in relation to someone’s gender and their body. Found typically prominent in use of certain pronouns or names.

[ HRT ] = Acronym for Hormone Reversal Treatment, which includes administering Testosterone or Estrogen into the body.

>Figuring Out They’re Trans

Every trans person figures out they’re trans differently; how long it takes them, when they do, and how they do will always be different. For me, I figured it out in my teens after doing my own research on the things I felt- I went to Google ( Or, well, Bing since I was in China at the time ) and looked up why I felt the way I did in my own body, resonated with terms I found, and did a lot of self reflection- and coming to the conclusion that I was trans. At the time, I labelled myself as nonbinary; some binary trans people have done this but not every. I didn’t feel like I fully identified with that, and yet felt detachment from my womanhood, which later lead me to finding out I was a trans boy all along. It fit me. That’s my path but, for your muse, maybe they figured it out differently.

Maybe they felt out of place in their own body since they were young, or maybe they simply didn’t fit with their given gender at birth. Or they could’ve not known all the way into adulthood, clicking with a term when it passes them by. Not every trans experience is the same! Whilst writing trans characters knowing since they were born is valid, it’s also valid to write them knowing ages later. I put off identifying as a man before, only because I feared that my boyfriend wouldn’t love me anymore. And now? Now I’m glad I came out! Writing characters doing something similar wouldn’t be a stretch!

How and when your character finds out will always be valid; they can find out while playing in a sandbox in their playground, or notice they didn’t feel attached to their gender assigned at birth. They can go to a therapist and be told their emotions lined up with being trans, or they could be reading a book and thinking I feel like that’s me to which they draw their conclusion. The possibilities are endless! I guarantee that there’s somebody out there that’s able to relate to it because there’s so many ways to figure it out; it can take a few minutes, or days, or weeks, or months, or years of thinking it over before IDing as trans- that’s the nature of it.

>The ‘First Steps’ In Transitioning and Coming Out

Some come out when they’re younger, some come out in their teens, some come out in adulthood, and some don’t come out at all. Coming out as trans is similar to coming out as gay, bi, etc. However, there’s the added thing with pronouns, names, and medical transitions ( if your character ever decides they want to ). It’s different in that sense, but not everything will be different. In most- if not all- cases, your character will have a pronoun change. They may go from he/him to they/them or be okay with he/him but prefer they/them without exclusion. Some may use multiple pronouns, or be exclusive to one set, or something of the sorts.

When changing their name, some people may choose one similar to their given one, or make a new one entirely, or look through a baby name book. They may switch from one name to another, or have multiple, or decide not to change at all for a variety of reasons; their given name can stick to being their name if they want it to! For me, I’ve always loved the pronunciation of ‘Chris’ but never felt right with the spelling, to which I fixed by spelling it as ‘Kriss’ instead. My deadname holds a lot of emotional and frankly traumatic weight to it, so I feel very uncomfortable when people say it or I see it anywhere. My body physically cringes at it and it doesn’t help that there’s someone in my class who shares it, so I never respond to it in class unless I know for sure whoever is using my deadname has no prior knowledge about my current one.

Transitioning is a choice; some decide to make it, whilst others don’t. It doesn’t invalidate them at all and the journey should never be the only distinct aspect to a character’s story. Them transitioning can be a main plot point but should never be the only thing that makes this character’s whole, well, character! Outside of it, they are still a character after all. Some decide to socially transition ( change their name, their clothing style, the way they interact with people in comparison to how they were prior to coming out ) whilst others decide to medically transition ( get top surgery, go on hrt ). It will always be different for certain people.

Reactions to coming out will vary, with differing factors of course; how did they come out, who to, when, etc. Some will react with open arms and others will outright abuse. It will be different from character to character, on the giving and receiving end, so think carefully about how to write this. I haven’t come out to my parents, given that they’re very transphobic and my entire country offers very hefty punishment for being LGBT+ in general. My classmates and friends? They know; I came out, in varying ways at varying times, and have received a plethora of reactions ranging from acceptance to denial.

>Medically Transitioning

Not all trans people decide to undergo medical transition, for many reasons. They may be ill and aren’t physically strong to take hormones or have surgery, maybe they have monetary issues, or they simply don’t want to. All of these reasons are valid and don’t make the trans person any less trans at all.

This typically includes surgery and hormones, though there’s so much to say on that. Whilst some would choose both, others may choose one over the other; the most common is taking hormones and also getting one surgery. An example is me; I want to take Testosterone in the future as well as both top and bottom surgery. I have decided on which kind I want and will discuss with my future doctor about this. Other people may choose not to have top surgery, or bottom, or even hormones. Whatever your character chooses, it will not be the forefront of their personality.

Hormones can take a while to kick into effect; do your research about it. Recovery from certain procedures vary and you should do your research.

>Do’s And Don’ts

Make your trans character unique! Not everyone has the same lucky ‘I knew since birth, have been accepted everywhere, transitioned into something I wanted’ story, but not everyone has the same distraught ‘I knew ‘too late’, I’ve been bullied and disowned, and my transition failed / didn’t turn out the way I wanted’ ( and there’s no such thing as too late anyways ). Whilst they’re not impossible, they’re not the only paths; try a mix! Some people accept, some people don’t, and some people transition whilst others don’t; there’s never a straight and narrow path.

Do talk to other trans people about your character, and ask questions whenever you feel that you have a question. If the person is willing to answer, great! If not, be polite and go somewhere else for answers. Use multiple sources, do your research, and don’t ever assume. Do use your character’s name and refer to them using the pronouns they refer to themselves as; an exception is given when it comes to legal documents and transphobic characters speaking to them but you should never refer to a trans person who exclusively uses he/him with she/her. Don’t use their deadname when referring to them in their story, especially when you can use their actual name.

Never. EVER EVER EVER use their coming out as a ‘he was a she all along!’ trope. One of the worst things to do to a trans person is to misgender them; it’s disrespectful. Being called by their preferred name and pronouns is not a privilege and is a right; again, there’s an exception when certain characters are doing it, but the author shouldn’t use it as a chance to misgender their character. I won’t go into this much more because it’s hard for me to explain but, in general, a trans man is not the same as a cis woman and vice versa.

AGAIN, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT I AM NOT THE BEST SOURCE! PLEASE GO AND DO OTHER RESEARCH ON TOP OF THIS!! Thanks for reading!!!!

#Anonymous #Hello? || MESSAGES #[[houkjfhakgjah heres All My Knowledge #[[i could honestly go deeper into this #[[but!! i didnt because im not an expert on writing tips!!#[[but if you have more questions im glad to answer #[[please please please do more research than just reading this #[[read this yes!!#[[but also do more research!!!!!#Out Of Crimes || OOC #Listen Up! || PSA #It's Like A Family Sized Bag Of Chips || OK TO REBLOG

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princesscolumbia · 7 years

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These were obviously written by someone who doesn’t have children

Anonymous said:im genuinely happy for you that your coming out was able to help your parents and that you were accepted by them and the environment for you was a supportive one, i really am i promise theres no sarcasm here, but do try to remember that a LOT of us lgbt folk have homophobic parents who sadly dont learn from their kids being lgbt, and instead hate us, abuse us, disown us, etc. the reason people are upset is bc they feel like you're undermining that and saying the abuse is "worth it"

Anonymous said:but the point is that a parent learning a valuable lesson isn't worth their child's safety. why should an innocent young person end up risking their livelihood? the statistics of homeless queer youth prove that it's not worth the risk.

Anonymous said:gay kids are not a lesson for homophobic parents. homophobic parents abuse us, homophobic parents kick us out, homophobic parents get us killed.

Anonymous said:you have to understand that not all parents are like yours. most parents completely hate their gay/trans kids and would rather put them through conversion therapy or ignore their gayness/transness than accept their kid as they are. sometimes they would rather have a dead cishet kid than a living gay/trans kid. a gay kid having homophobic parents isnt a punishment for the parents; its a punishment for the kid.

All four of these came in nearly at once, and I suspect that they were all the same person, so I’m just going to address them all at once:

Honey, sweetie, darling child...your experience is not universal any more than mine is. When you focus on the headlines that are intentionally written to be sensationalist and rustle your jimmies, you develop the same tunnel-vision that cops do; you’re only going to see the worst in humanity.

Couple that with the above comments clearly coming from someone who isn’t responsible for preparing a child to face the big, wide world. Yes, there’s people who are such monumental cock-bites that you’d think they’re getting paid for it (my ex-wife’s family comes to mind) but the vast majority of parents are really just overgrown teenagers making shit up as they go along and wondering how their parents ever managed. They don’t know any better than the next person, and often they’re getting bad advice from well meaning people who know even less than they do, but they don’t know it’s bad advice and they don’t know the people dispensing it are the wrong people to ask in the first place.

My ex-wife is in for a world of pain when my daughter gets old enough to start dating. Why? Because our daughter is most likely gender-queer and is showing signs of being only attracted to women. She’s got friends that are boys, but has shown zero inclination towards “church approved” heterosexual attraction; meanwhile, she’s flat out told me that she likes girls. She’s a little young to make that determination for sure (heaven’s knows I didn’t really understand my own attractions until I was in my early 20′s, even if I was sexually active in my mid-teens), but I’m willing to bet with how early the women in my family start puberty that she simply has a clear idea what her orientation is already. My ex-wife drank the kool-aid that her family served about how LGBT people are all inherently evil and sinners. My ex-wife gets to have a wonderful little learning experience where she gets to grow as a person or lose her daughter.

That’s not going to be fun for either of them. Hell, it won’t be fun for me. (I’m not looking forward to being referee in that particular argument, and you know I’m going to be “blamed” for it) My daughter is going to get a chance to learn and grow from her figuring things out. My ex-wife is going to get a chance to learn and grow from our daughter figuring these things out. Neither of them gets to force the other to accept their opinion any more than you get to force my ex-wife to accept our daughter.

(Sidebar: For those who might be worried about the possibility of my daughter being sent to any sort of “conversion therapy” or some similar nonsense, there’s a clause in the divorce contract stating that I have full veto rights to any medical treatments our daughter is put through, and that includes anything like a “conversion camp” or similar. I didn’t know I’d be needing that clause for this purpose at the time, but I’m damn glad I fought for it)

Every parent of an LGBT kid has to learn, grow, and change once they find out that their child doesn’t fit into the mainstream. Most parents eventually figure it out and accept their child’s choice, if for no other reason than they know that said “child” is their own person and by the time the dust clears said person is over 18 and can do whatever the fuck they want and the parent either gets to play nice or never see that child again. This does NOT mean that ALL parents will learn that they should love their kids and grow their heart and mind, and when the parent chooses not to learn those lessons, that means they fail. They lose that connection with their child and deep down they know they screwed up. They’ll either learn and grow and get over it, or they’ll go to their grave knowing how badly they screwed up and be too stubborn to actually do anything about it.

Further, not everything a parent does that hurts the child is done to hurt the child. A well-meaning but clueless parent has just as much (if not more) to learn about their child’s orientation/gender-presentation as their child. These imperfect beings are usually doing their damndest to raise a kid, and now they are the odd-person out among their peer group, and all because of something that they have no control over. (Sound familiar?)

A good, christian, Republican father who thought he was raising three boys finds out he’s got two boys and a trans-girl is going to be so far out of his element he might as well be a pet store goldfish piloting a space shuttle. He has zero frame of reference and he’s just lost a son. He’s got to go through a learning process, he’s got to question everything he believes in, he’s got to go against the grain so hard that splinters are inevitable, he’s got to go through the grieving process, and he’s got to figure out how to love this changeling living in his son’s room. That is a LOT to go through, and it’s just as hard for him as it is for his son daughter.

Let’s take an opposite case: A...”good” (she’s trying real hard but keeps dropping the ball at the worst times through no fault of her own), atheist (as soon as she turned 18 she left her parent’s church and never looked back), Liberal single mother is told by her daughter (by a one-night stand during her brief stint in college...she’s not even sure who the father is) that her daughter is a lesbian and, by the way, her girlfriend’s parents kicked her out because their pastor said she was sinful and can she stay with them please? She now has to deal with a girl who’s legal status in the home is questionable at best, potentially abusive parents who will come over at any time to harass their daughter and the “heathen family of sinners” that “corrupted” their little girl, potential CPS investigations, and all this on top of having to completely scrap any hopes and dreams she had of her little girl finding a good man (preferably with a degree) to settle down with so her daughter doesn’t have to deal with the crap she did. Does she let them sleep in the same room? (They’re underage, after all, but since there’s no chance of pregnancy, does that matter, or is it the principal of the thing? Who the hell would she even ask about that?) How is she supposed to be there for her daughter (and possible live-in girlfriend) if she’s having to work 10 hour days 6 days a week? And let’s talk about the budget; she can barely afford two people, and now her daughter is asking to bring in a third?!

Both the parent and the child are going to do and say hateful, hurtful things. Usually, it’s without meaning to. If the parent is ACTUALLY abusive, then action gets to take place, most especially the child being removed from the abusive environment. The parent gets to have legal action taken against them, possibly including jail time for abusing a child.

tl;dr - The original post made a statement about how a kid being LGBT isn’t all about the parents. I simply made a statement that it also impacts the parents, and that is a good thing.

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