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rantingcrocodile · 2 years

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Too many of the “Radical Feminism 101″ posts are just lists of what radical feminists are against and not about how to unlearn internalised misogyny, and that’s why you have “radfems” who can both say, “I’m a radfem because I’m anti-porn, anti-surrogacy, gender critical...” etc and then unironically say the nastiest, cruellest and most disgusting things about and to other women.

When you have tick-box lists of what radical feminism is, anyone can LARP as a radfem by reblogging the right things from the right women and then feel like that’s protection from any criticisms of misogyny.

It’s especially common in women who have made their entire online personalities nothing but “I hate men.” There’s a difference between venting and then obsessively hating men to the point that the focus of their “feminism” is men instead of actually educating and supporting women. That leads to the most offensive takes like “homophobic and biphobic straight women aren’t actually a problem because the straight men are worse,” or “white women being racist to MOC isn’t actually a problem because they’re men first,” which only ends up harming lesbians, bisexual women and WOC, and those are only a few examples.

Then there are the “rudefems,” who are nothing but failed “radfems,” the women who say that they started out as “nicefems,” but then who realised that it was much more difficult than they realised to personally maintain a sense of class consciousness with all women, so immediately “forget” what patriarchy does to women and then they treat every single woman who behaves the way that patriarchy has conditioned her to behave like she’s a failure in some way, like the only “good” women are the cruel “radfem” women.

The point of radical feminism is for women’s liberation, and that means supporting women as a class. That doesn’t mean jumping to see a horrible woman and then scrabbling around in the dirt to excuse her actions and blame men instead. That doesn’t mean excusing abusive women, protecting violent women, coddling racist women, feeling pity for homophobic and biphobic women, patting ableist women on the head, cooing for classist women, etc etc etc. It means that no woman, at all, whatever she has done, should ever be victimised by misogyny and she should be free of oppression by the patriarchy. That’s all. We can recognise motivations behind the actions of the above women, we can see the factors of patriarchy in their choices, we can applaud women who break free of environments where bigotry was the norm and they learned to be better, but that doesn’t mean absolving any crime or bad behaviour from a woman just because she’s a woman. That just isn’t feminist.

If your “radical feminism” has you feeling like you’re somehow special and superior to other women in some way, if you look down on women who don’t have their eyes opened in the way you think your eyes are open, if you demand specific labels that women need to use before you think they’re “good enough” or otherwise treat radical feminism like it’s an identity politics game, then you’re not a radical feminist, you’re a misogynist with extra steps.

That’s all.

#crocodilian ranting #And this space is full of 'radfems' like this #If this makes you feel uncomfortable then there you go

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sunnibits · 2 years

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I posted 10,954 times in 2021

1162 posts created (11%)

9792 posts reblogged (89%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 8.4 posts.

I added 13,110 tags in 2021

#art - 2526 posts

#lotr - 1917 posts

#marvel - 1711 posts

#the hobbit - 1455 posts

#loki laufeyson - 953 posts

#thorin oakenshield - 950 posts

#doctor who - 937 posts

#dw - 934 posts

#loki series - 912 posts

#bilbo baggins - 815 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i’m. i’m just some person running a blog ab my hyperfixations it rlly warms my heart to think that ppl rlly like my silly content 🥺🥺🥺🥺

My Top Posts in 2021

And I wish all biphobes a very shut up <3

3105 notes • Posted 2021-03-27 22:21:45 GMT

Nobody:

Venom 2 trailer:

7170 notes • Posted 2021-05-10 14:47:23 GMT

Me in the theater when Katy and Shang-Chi didn’t fucking kiss and there was actually a main relationship between the main dude and a woman he cares for and it was fucking PLATONIC but still included PHYSICAL AFFECTION AND PRIORITIZING EACH OTHER-

16446 notes • Posted 2021-09-04 20:26:21 GMT

Not gonna lie still thinking about the absolute bomb that was the Doctor Who episode where they reveal that the TARDIS requires like eight or something people to pilot and that’s why the Doctor looks ridiculous when he flies it… like.. that was SO simple and yet SUCH a good way to instantly convey so much loneliness… like bro.. bro it requires a family… a whole bunch of people… but they just fly alone and make do…

18351 notes • Posted 2021-06-17 23:56:09 GMT

Hot take but I don’t think “Hetero” couples in fiction are boring actually I just think they’re boring because we see the same m/f couples every single time.

Allow me to elaborate:

Usually every m/f couple we see in media consists of two conventionally attractive, young, skinny, allosexual, cishet, gender conforming, often white people. And you can always see the relationship coming a mile away.

Imagine how much better it would feel if you saw more of THESE kinds of m/f couples in media:

Fat characters involved in the relationship, and not made into a joke

Disabled characters involved in the relationship, and not made into a joke

A man happily in love with a gnc or masculine woman

A woman happily in love with a gnc or feminine man

Bisexual or pansexual men and women in love with the opposite sex (and bi for bi, Pan for Pan couples)

A man happily in love with a trans woman

A woman happily in love with a trans man

Trans for trans m/f couples

Asexual and gray-sexual people in romantic relationships and being respected in those relationships

Two middle aged people entering a new relationship, with the same attention and slow burn and tension as any young pairing (because middle aged and elder people have love lives too, and can fall in love again even if they’ve been married before!! See Kane/Abby in the 100.)

More POC x POC relationships!

A man who stays at home and takes care of kids x a working woman who isn’t criticized for not being home enough

Supportive parents to queer kids

Punk/alternative/goth m/f couples and parents (bc I just think that’s cool)

Couples who get together and then realize they’re better as friends, and have a healthy breakup while staying super close (and not creating secret drama)

Neurodivergent people involved in the relationship (adhd/autistic men and women infodumping to their supportive partner... happy stimming after a cute interaction with their crush.. it’s just so good) and not made into a joke or infantilized!

BUFF STRONK WOMAN x LIDDOL MAN VERY IN LOVE WITH HIS WIFE

People who aren’t conventionally attractive in a loving relationship, and there isn’t any drama or weird side plot about “learning to love someone for what’s on the inside!!”

and so many more I could think of!!!

Just something to think on. (And remember, not all m/f couples are “hetero”. If you’re still saying “ew heteros!!” every time you see a m/f couple - or a couple you PERCEIVE as m/f - now is the time to stop.)

25265 notes • Posted 2021-04-18 14:58:24 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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cuntess-carmilla · 4 years

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D0n’t r3bl0g

I’ll preface this with three statements:

Don’t reblog this. Yes, I know it’s in the title of the post but you bitches can’t read.

I feel compassion towards the people who up until today trusted her, and I’d be a hypocrite to act like I’m all knowing and infallible considering I excused her behavior for a long time too and enabled her as well. I understand, in particular, why bi woc would cling to someone like her and have an impulse to protect her, for both who she is and the content she provided.

There’s a lot to be said about her antiblackness, but me being non-Black, not having had exactly the firmest condemnation of it at the time, and many of the people she’s disappointed today being Black wlw, I don’t feel comfortable being the one to expand on that. I’m only mentioning it briefly in this point for the sake of acknowledging that that’s an issue too.

That said, it’s my opinion that Navya’s “reach” (for lack of a better word) on this website would’ve been lesser if she had been properly held accountable for her constant blatant lesbophobia.

Again, I’m not angry at anyone other than her for the most part, and I feel sad for the people who trusted her and are hurting over this, so please don’t take this as me “calling out” anyone or anything alike. Again pt 2, I enabled and excused her lesbophobia for a while too, so I’d be a hypocrite to chastise anyone for that.

The thing is, biphobic lesbians sadly did give her enough genuine ammunition to claim biphobia at the smallest criticism of her lesbophobia, but she really was (and I’m sure still is) a raging lesbophobe and I started to feel uncomfortable with her by the last bunch of months we were mutuals, but was too much of a coward to openly acknowledge it, as well as too scared that I was being a Delusional Hysterical Dyke.

I don’t fucking know why I let it slide so much, even as her lesbophobia personally made me hate myself as a lesbian to the point of her adding into my suicidality, but she really was going around saying countless times shit like “Thank God I only talk to bi and straight woc” clearly in reference and reaction to lesbian anything. Saying “I only talk to bi woc” is one thing and that I can understand (even though she would’ve indirectly bitten my head off if I said the same as a lesbian lol) but adding the straight women into it makes it a different type of statement. I seriously don’t know why I kept my mouth shut on that, it’s not something I would’ve allowed to slide from anyone else.

I started to see her insane levels of egotism, pettiness, cowardice and arrogance whenever I made posts discussing my own hurt as a lesbian, things as “casual” and brief as “I hate being a dyke lmao” in reference to intracommunity lesbophobia triggering me, and she’d immediately start to mirror everything I said but about herself as bisexual. Which, obviously feeling self-hatred as a bi woman and feeling hated within spaces that should be the most accepting towards her is a real and valid feeling, but she started to replicate my exact phrasing after a while and would almost always make that kind of comment indirectly right after I made mine as if she was always responding to me.

In general she would post a lot of shit mirroring mine in that way or vagueblog about my commentary on intracommunity lesbophobia. This chick went as far as to (correctly) point out that biphobique was pushed out of this website via biphobic harassment specifically, but when Yole being pushed out similarly (back when she identified as a lesbian) was brought up in conjunction to that, she brushed it off as it being because she was a Black wlw, which she directly named as being the one thing she had “in common” with biphobique, intentionally obfuscating that Yole was pushed out via specifically lesbophobic harassment mainly perpetrated by bi women, just like biphobique’s biphobic harassment was mainly perpetrated by lesbians. Nope, it was just because she’s a Black wlw, her (at the time self-identified) lesbianism specifically had NOTHING to do with it, but biphobia specifically did have everything to do with the other case. Because lesbophobia is not that big a deal and no one hates lesbians specifically for being lesbians, only for being wlw in general, but bi women are hated specifically for being bi women instead. Apparently.

Every time I tried to make any post addressing intracommunity lesbophobia she’d make yet another type of vague post (having a much larger following than me) redirecting the attention towards “But bi women...!” which, AGAIN, is obviously an important thing to discuss, but can we fucking discuss lesbophobia for once without having the spotlight stripped from us for five fucking minutes? Or is that too much to ask?

It happened with shit such as me begging to please stop spreading (the misreading of?) a statistic that while correctly assessing the insane levels of abuse bi women face, also painted lesbians as facing significantly less abuse than cis straight women. In the context of this stupid fucking website in which I have had to see posts about how lesbians are privileged over bi AND STRAIGHT women all the fucking time and how we’re supposedly never fucking abused and WE alone are to blame for the abuse bi women face.

It happened with me discussing that lesbian self-hatred comes 99% of the time not from us liking women, but from us NOT liking men, which in another vague post she deemed as me saying that “bi women benefit from being attracted to men” when that was not what I said at all. I never even mentioned bi women specifically until I had to clear that up. I begged in one (1) post for people to extend the same level of solidarity to us that they demand from us, I begged people to see us as vulnerable human beings who have Feelings and hurt too, and she made a victim of herself on another vague post in response.

Everything always had to be about her and what mattered to her specifically. Which, fine in your personal life, but let the rest do the fucking same if that’s how you’re gonna be too. It wasn’t just that she had to always divert attention back to herself but created an environment in which it was seen as horrendous for lesbians to behave with 1% of the same self-priority.

Honestly, being around her as a lesbian felt like constantly walking on eggshells and increased my internalized lesbophobia exponentially. I saw in real time her influence turning other bi women into vocal lesbophobes thinking that shit was Radical. She and the people who supported her lesbophobia reinforced SO MUCH of the sentiment of Apologize For Being A Lesbian At Every Turn OR ELSE...! that’s so prevalent everywhere in which dykes dare to breathe.

But few people took it seriously, and those few people who took it seriously, especially Black lesbians, were painted as vile biphobes, no matter how careful they were to not fall into biphobia in their critiques of her lesbophobia.

I still see the impact of her widespread lesbophobia in this website to this day and very soon after I ceased any sort of contact with her (which was when I left Tumblr in early 2019) I came to terms with the fact that she’s a raging lesbophobe and stopped being too found of her memory, to say the least.

I wish so badly we could all take lesbophobia more seriously rather than, as per usual literally everywhere in the world, seeing claims of lesbophobia as dykes just being our delusional hysterical cunt selves always crying wolf. And I wish too that biphobic lesbians hadn’t given her all the excuse to claim biphobia whenever she was being rightfully criticized over her lesbophobia. What a way to dig your own graves you dumb bitches.

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dearheart42regenerated · 4 years

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hoo boy, okay, this is a baaaaad idea and it’s LONG but I’m doing it anyway because I’m genuinely struggling with this, I don’t have an IRL community to turn to, and I want to hear what other lesbians/wlw think about this beyond my own tiny circle. (for the record I’m not a discourse blog, so pleeeease be gentle and don’t drag me into any super messy debates? the most I want to do is get opinions from different people and learn enough to come to my own private conclusions and move on)

I’m a bby lesbian (and a long-time ace) and the “bi-lesbian” thing upsets me too. but I’ve seen an argument brought up that made me stop and think, and I’m kinda stumped about it. the argument is that we're ALREADY using lesbian as an umbrella term, but only get upset about it when bi women do the same.

for example...when we see a wlw couple walking down the street or getting married, or two women kissing in a TV show or pictures shown on twitter (much like the cute “sword lesbians” story that’s been circulating), MOST of the time, everyone (including us!) tends to automatically call them “lesbians” or a "lesbian couple” or a “lesbian wedding”, etc...without thinking about what their actual orientations are.

I saw another person bring up an experience where her lesbian gf would joke about them "doing lesbianism babey!" but when she tried to do the same as a bi woman, her gf would get mad at her and say she couldn't do that. the main point of all of this is that there's hypocrisy in play - when lesbians put the "lesbian" label on other women, whether irl or fiction, most people don’t kick up a fuss. but when bi women use the label themselves, suddenly it's bad and lesbophobic/biphobic.

this troubles me because I DO see it happen all the time, both online and in the few irl experiences I’ve had. and I think it's a valid point to make (especially because "sapphic" is barely used irl at all). it feels unfair to use "lesbian" with the same-ish looseness we use "gay", and then draw the line at bi women using it too. (there’s also a very real problem of bi ppl with same-gender partners turning to “Gay And Lesbian” spaces cos they have nowhere else to turn, and getting kicked out for not being a “real gay”. there are tangible real-life layers to this discourse that I don’t want to brush off.)

but at the same time, "lesbian" is the only modern word we have (particularly our only mainstream word) to describe our full, unique experience as women who are exclusively attracted to other women/women-aligned people. bi women already have “bisexual” as their recognizable mainstream term, and they also have “queer”, “wlw”, “sapphic”, etc as further options to fine-tune their identity...so it feels just as unfair to use "lesbian” too, and that’s the main reason why the term “bi-lesbian” personally upsets me right now.

it’s also upsetting because “bi-lesbian” implies that some lesbians could still be open to men, and we already face so much lesbophobic pressure to create space for men in our identity/attraction because “you never know, you might feel attracted to a man someday! sexuality is always fluid y’know! maybe you’re not really a lesbian!” we get that pressure both from the outside world AND often from the rest of the LGBTQ+ community too. it’s really harmful and painful to deal with, especially for those of us who’ve had to deal with comphet and still do (aka meeeee)

putting the rest under a readmore cos this is getting long lol

I wish "bi lesbians” and their supporters would take that stuff into consideration...and I wish I saw more people caring in general about the lesbians who are hurting from this.

we’re tired of having the worst assumed of us, of being treated as the “bad guys” by other communities every time we speak up about things that hurt us. statistically, we’re one of the smallest groups in the alphabet soup. we barely even have our own flag, and the creator of our most popular one right now is still facing hate, harassment and being unjustly accused of being a TERF/exclusionist/bigot.

it feels like morale and pride are so low among us right now. we just want people to care about us, to be mindful of how we feel and what we go through as lesbians, to give us the same support and benefit-of-a-doubt that you so easily give to our other LGBTQ+ siblings.

aaand now I’m just emotionally venting lol but TL;DR - I want to be fair to both sides of this topic, cos that’s the type of person I am. I want to stick up for my own community, but I also want to be inclusive to questioning/struggling people and a good ally to my bi sisters. so help me figure all this out. how do y’all feel about what I’ve brought up here?

lesbians and bi women: how do you feel about the point that we’re already using “lesbian” as a roughly gay-equivalent umbrella term for the women we see in relationships with other women? why shouldn’t bi women use it that way too? if they shouldn’t, why aren’t we pushing harder for alternatives like “sapphic” to use in those cases and telling each other to stop when one of us uses “lesbian” or “lesbianism” incorrectly for unspecified wlw couples?

pro-bi-lesbian people: asking in genuine confusion here, how is using the term “bi lesbian” any better than using “bihet” or “bi straight”? how is it not feeding into the misconception that bisexuals are just “half-gay half-straight”? and why is it worth holding onto that label when a) “bisexual” is a mainstream term that, by definition, already has room to encompass your experience, b) other more specific words that mean the same/similar thing already exist for you (i.e. “sapphic”), and c) your term of choice hurts lesbians by undermining our definition of ourselves and adding to the cultural pressure we face to make room for hypothetical future men in our sexuality?

also I want to make it very clear that I’m NOT blaming “bi lesbians” for men feeling entitled to seduce/harass us, or insinuating that you contribute to rape culture or anything like that. predatory men will be predatory no matter what words we use, I fully acknowledge that. rather my concern is that anyone can put pressure on us (and all too often do) to make room for men in our orientation, including within the LGBTQ+ community, and “bi lesbian” as a term contributes to that type of lesbophobia.

please be nice, or at least civil, and talk to me. I want to listen and see if your opinions will help me find some clarity in my own. you’re free to message me or reblog this with your takes on these issues, but if you reblog, please focus on talking with me and don’t fight each other. I will delete this if things get ugly or out of hand.

#bi lesbian #bi lesbian discourse #bi discourse #lesbian discourse

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ahp-discourse · 6 years

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Actual examples of why I know that the whole “WE’RE PROTECTING THE LGBT+ COMMUNITY” excuse of exclusionists is absolute bullshit. These are all things that have been said to me, a disabled bi woman that is also an inclusionist:

Me: -makes a post, talking about the fact that bi people were not always openly welcomed by other members of the LGBT+ community- Exclusionist: “I get that you’re mentally retarded and I understand that it may be hard to grasp why you’re being asked not to speak on things you don’t know, but it’s not because of your retardation it’s because you clearly aren’t 100% deficient and know better than to claim you know lgbt history when you dont”

Me: -identified at the time as biromantic ace, asked people repeatedly not to call me bisexual as I wasn’t sure what I felt in terms of sexual attraction- Exclusionist: “Bisexual also means romantic desires and romantic relationships. To tie bisexuality inherently to sex is biphobic”

Me: -identified at the time as biromantic ace, asked people repeatedly not to call me bisexual as I wasn’t sure what I felt in terms of sexual attraction- Exclusionist: “You ARE bisexual, though. You’re attracted to multiple genders. YES, you’re bisexual. Insisting that to be bisexual, you need to have sexual relationships with people is biphobic”

Me: -makes a post, asking people to not be assholes- Exclusionist: “Grow up and learn to deal with conflict or stay out of discourse, nerd” Another Exclusionist: “You seem to have such a desire to be a victim.”... “Genuinely, sincerely, need to seek help”

Me: -makes a post calling out a person who reblogged a post that said I would be “crushed by the cogs of capitalism and that will be its only success”

Exclusionists: “LOL this was such a smart way to get the attention you crave huh debs?” Another Exclusionist: “Damn you’re real obssessed with them. That’s fucking creepy you old bitch”

Me: -reblogs a funny post about ‘if you can’t do the monkey bars, you gay’ and adds a ‘maybe so’ gif- Exclusionists: "ur not gay debra ur a straight girl with an inferiority complex”

Me: -talks about being agoraphobic and disabled due to the agoraphobia- Exclusionists: Why do you call yourself disabled? You have agoraphobia LOL

Me: -talks about being agoraphobic and asks that people not tell me to go outside, since I cannot due to a disability- Exclusionists: -proceed to send me no less than 10 asks in a row that all say ‘go outside’-

Me: -does not hesitate to share posts about things I believe in- Exclusionists: “LMAO you are...... pathetic. Like its literally depressing to know there’s a woman pushing 30 who is like this”

Me: -publicly calls out ableism- Exclusionist: “Oh honey, one mentally ill person to another: You’re a fucking freak. Absolutely embarrassing and willfully ignorant too”

Me: -points out how it is ableist to tell a disabled person to do something they cannot do due to a disability- Exclusionist: “I met ur male counterpart and he’s equally awful and stupid as u”

(please note: the exclusionist in this example purposefully evaded a block just to send me that, using a separate blog that I didn’t know about)

Me: -asks people to respect that I cannot be called ‘stupid’ as it is triggering memories of childhood abuse, speaks openly about other traumas that I’ve gone through so that someone out there may realize that they are not alone- Exclusionist: “debi stop crying about all your ‘traumas’, we get it you’re fragile”

Me: -reclaims ‘queer’ for myself and says something along the lines of “I’m here, I’m queer - get over it” Exclusionists: “You don’t know what I’m here and I’m queer means, even if you’re bi”

Me: -asks an anon to quit calling me a bitch- Exclusionist: “You do realize, these are all different people calling you a bitch right? Maybe it means hmmm you havent really shown them a reason to not call you a bitch”

Me: -asks people to quit being ableist- Exclusionist: “Oh My God get the fuck over yourself you actual fucking insect”

Me: -makes some random post- Exclusionist: “God I’m so sad that you made it to 27 and are still this dumb”

#Ace Discourse #Bi Discourse #Discourse #Ableism #Receipts can be provided for each of these

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unloneliest · 4 years

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hi i don’t think pan ppl are transphobic, just because bi ppl can be attracted to 2+ genders and pan are attracted to all doesn’t mean pan ppl or bi ppl are transphobic. i deal w panphobic things anytime anyone mentions pansexuality and i really thought your blog would be safe from that. i'm pan and don’t use bi bc i recognize i'd be attracted to someone regardless of gender identity as long as i find them attractive (and this has nothing to do w seeing trans ppl as a dif gender), if they're 1/

this is a long post & i want ppl to have the option 2 skip it so i’m putting it under a readmore; above all else i’m so thankful that you sent me these asks and deeply sorry that i rb’d something that made you feel unsafe on my blog. i agree with you; i don’t think bi or pan people are inherently transphobic and i’m really sorry i implied that with that post!

2/ if they ID as demiboy or demigirl, or genderfluid or anything else that isn't binary, then i really don’t care. i'm not saying bi ppl can’t feel the same since i said bi people are attracted to 2+ genders or all, but pan is rooted in the emphasis of all gender identities. yes theres a lot of overlap but just... i'm hurt that you'd rb smth like that, i understand the last line of its root in transphobia but being gay/straight and so many other things have issues that clash w other LGBT+ IDs

3/ if anything, i've dealt with internalized panphobia and homophobia, i just never felt comfortable with saying i was bi, not because it was "boring" or "binary" but bc everyone would just assume i was attracted to guys and women which was never the case and saying i was pan allowed for me to show that i knew that there are more than 2 gender identities and that i was attracted to all of them

hi its the 3 pt ask anon and its like i completely get why bi ppl would be upset w pan ppl but its just so hard when both are oppressed and one of the most common arguments is like: we aren't seen so we have to be seen first before you try to get into this too. i get why biphobia exists but the same biphobia exists for pan ppl. so many ppl say you're just straight bc of a het relationship or you're just bi then. or the whole theres only two genders argument. and its like i'm as open to dating

5?/ anyone. i genuinely do not care about whichever gender they ID as since i just find ppl attractive for being attractive. and bi ppl can be the same. there is a LOT of overlap and i'm not going to dismiss any worries or concerns. all i know is that the pan community i've surrounded myself with to find love in my sexuality and community have constantly explained that theres overlap but it depends to the person and neither sexuality is transphobic so i try to never overstep or invalidate either

but thank you for listening, so many ppl just invalidate pan voices who try to put both bi and pan ppl into view while acknowledging how theres overlap but theres a difference. its hard feeling invalidating when all i (and others) do is be as inclusive as possible and try to never overstep. i listen to others worries like you do and i've learned so much from your blog and your rbs which i appreciate. it was just hard seeing panphobia & biphobia when i've tagged both to filter the words out

8?? sorry i lost count/ ty again for listening

hi and again just. thank you, for sending me these. i’ve privated the post for now, because i don’t want to hurt anybody but i also don’t want to avoid accountability 4 hurtful actions; i’d most like to delete the post but probably only will if you’re ok with that. and if i ever rb something that includes biphobia or panphobia i’ll do my best to always tag them.

and again i’m so sorry to have rb’d a hurtful post especially bc that runs so opposite to what i want to be doing with this blog & i know that when i’ve found something hurtful shared in spaces i viewed as safe it’s somehow hurt a lot worse than when i’ve encountered hurtful attitudes in places i was expecting it.

in retrospect the phrasing on that post was Not kind, & didn’t convey the nuance i read into it. my baseline assumption of both bi and pan people is that neither group is inherently transphobic; both identities have extremely similar experiences and my perspective on different lgbtq+ identities in general is that our strength is in solidarity and isolating/separating can be really dangerous to the lgbtq+ community’s ability to thrive and work on making the world better and safer for us all.

i’m really glad that you’ve found love and support within the pan community and i have all the respect and admiration in the world for my bi and pan siblings in the lgbtq+ community! being able to find folks who share your identity and to find pride in yourself together is so healing and important and i’m so glad for the times i’ve experienced that in my life as well.

you’re right that all communities do have issues with transphobia, and i normally wouldn’t join in on other identity’s in-community conversations; i thought about that when reblogging the post earlier but i do my best to rb posts asking people to examine if their beliefs and identity might be formed on transphobic assumptions when it comes to all labels and that’s why i did originally rb. i do my best to rb a lot of posts asking wlw to examine potentially transphobic ideas they might hold, because i’m an afab nonbinary wlw and so regardless of the fact that i’m not cis, i have a lot more privilege than trans women do in wlw spaces and i know i need to be doing what i can to make wlw spaces safe for trans women & girls.

and the post i rb’d did just have pretty shitty & confrontational wording, which i didn’t think about when rb’ing it. i’m sorry again for that!

my reasoning in rb’ing that post was the same as when i rb posts asking wlw to examine their views; not that everyone of the groups in question are inherently shitty in some way, but that we all could use reminders to reflect sometimes and that occasionally people will be misinformed or have a shitty view/shitty views - but that that’s not the norm. i also felt more ok rb’ing this post bc i for a very long time id’d as bi, and my attraction as a lesbian still is to women and nonbinary people who don’t feel misgendered by the attraction of a lesbian; some people would call me bi for that, but it’s a common lesbian experience. i really relate to what you said about choosing pan because it really clearly sends the message that you’re attracted to people regardless of gender, bc i chose lesbian as a label bc it sends the message that i’m Not attracted to men! it’s about how i want people to see me.

my reading of the post was connected to experiences i had with some pretty shitty transphobic ex coworkers; they didn’t know i wasn’t cis, but a number of my coworkers at the time were bi. transphobia/biphobia tw for the rest of this paragraph/ the ex coworkers were pan and they adamantly told me/other coworkers that bisexuality was attraction to men and women whereas pansexuality was attraction to men, women, and trans people. my assumption based off of them wasn’t that pan people are transphobic/that pan as an identity is inherently transphobic, but that they as individuals sucked and were transphobic & biphobic?

that experience does touch on what the post was about though, i think. since the bi manifesto written in 1990 “official” definitions of bisexuality have been stating that bi doesn’t just mean attraction to men and women, and that there are more than 2 genders; it’s society’s biphobia that causes people to think that bisexuality isn’t inherently inclusive of more than 2 genders/inherently inclusive of trans people. its clear to me that you know there’s overlap in the communities and that you’re not transphobic and again that’s my baseline assumption of pan or bi people! ik that stinkers are always the exception in communities.

i rb’d the post because i think self reflection on internalized bs is good, and i didn’t realize how confrontational & potentially shitty the post was; i’m really sorry that i rb’d it and made my blog feel unsafe & i’m going to do my best to be more thoughtful in the future. i hope that me sharing why i rb’d it doesn’t come across as an excuse, either; i’m just hoping knowing my intentions might help w/ the experience.

(if ppl must know, link to the post here )

#biphobia/#panphobia/#<-discussion of #ik how much it sucks to have ppl say your identity is inherently transphobic ppl say that abt lesbians a LOT and its not true #anon #den replies

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