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queenoftheworldisdead · 3 years

Text

Need me

Chapter 1

Note: didn’t tag because i hate this. just needed it out of my brain. might be a prequel to Six Feet. Be warned this is LONG AF and suck so..... Summary: Stripper just wants to work to support herself, but her bad life choices come back to bite her in the ass. Warning: choking, non-consensual sex/ dubious consent, self loathing

Chapter 2

Dark Mafia Bucky x Reader, Mafia AU ( mentions of past relations with Tony Stark)

It was always easier when liquor flowed through you. When the buzz hit your system that stiffness you got whenever you danced melted away.

Staring blankly into the spotlight so that the light blurred your vision. Spinning around the pole, little light spots float over the faces on the floor. Grabbing the pole behind your head, you slide down onto your hunches. With your thighs spread wide your free hand moved to untie the bow between your breasts allowing them to bounce out freely.

A high pitched whistle rung out from the end of the stage, the cat call signaling that someone was impressed with the view. A flutter of bills rained down on the right end of the stage so there you crawled, on hands and knees as seductively as you could for it.

Making sure to keep your stomach sucked in, back arched just right so that your ass stays high. The closer you got to the pile the more to sprinkled down on you. Rising on your knees you giggled and played it up for the generous spender.

"Meow" you were a little drunk and bored so why not pretend to be a cat tonight. You giggled again when his eyes go wide at your antics.

"Hello Kitten" the voice belonged to the most gorgeous face you've seen in a while. In the soft neon hues you could make out his sharp jawline, dark hair styled short, his light eyes mesmerized by you.

Laying on your back you wiggle atop of the scattered bills, swatting at the falling money like the cat for him. You purred and meowed at him as he neared the stage, sprinkling more and more bills on you.

It was so odd to get so much money and attention. You weren't a top girl, they were beautiful, some mostly artificially built, but others were natural beauties. You were out of shape, a sloppy dancer let the owner, Nick, tell it.

Yet this stranger rained down the dollars.

The club had opened an hour ago, it was still considered too early for high rollers and even then they preferred to spend money in the champagne rooms not the main stage.

Shit if this is how the night is going to be then maybe acting like a cat might need to be revisited.

Taking the cash he held in his hand he fanned it above your head, so you pretend to swat at it like any good little kitty would do.

A tall broad shouldered blonde approached his side, holding a tumbler of what you presumed to be whisky. He leaned in the ear of the brunette then smirked down at you and laughed at the sight.

"Well...who do we have here Bucky?"

The blonde gave a name to your mark. Unlike the playful vibe you had gotten from Bucky this one was different and it made Bucky feel different too. From the look in his buddies hungry eyes you could tell he wanted to do more than touch you.

"Back off punk this one's mine."

Suddenly it felt like this song was on for just too long. Your buzz was wearing off and the longer they watched the more you felt awkward. Their eyes were too intense making it hard to focus on the dance and music.

Turning to face away, you twerked a little, sliding down on your hands stretching out your back, leaving your ass in the air. You hear them hiss at the sight so you wiggled and danced for them.

They carried on in conversation, but with the change in position it was hard to make out what they were talking about. In the corner of your eye you saw the signal that time was up.

"Thanks for being so generous" looking over your shoulder at them, putting an end to the playful kitty act. "My time is up" you pouted then scooped up your take.

You glance over again to see Bucky's smirk turns to a tight line upon your announcement.

Bucky’s arm slung over his friends shoulder, leaning in he whispered something to him then they retreated from stage.

Despite Bucky's generosity they were starting to give you a weird vibe you couldn't shake. Standing with your arms full of money you head to the back.

When you walked past the curtain your best friend, Bubbles, stood at the bottom stare waiting. She lit up at the sight of your big haul.

"Whoa! There are some high rollers out there this early Sweetie?" She asked calling by your stage name.

"I guess so. I've only seen this kind of money on music videos" you giggled walking down with the stage steps. Bubbles was up next so before she crossed the curtain you wished her luck.

"Excuse me Miss" a timid voice called from the door of the locker room before you could proceed onward to your locker causing bills to fell from your grasp.

"Shit!"

"Oh sorry! So sorry" the flustered girl dropped down, picking up your fallen money for you.

"What do you need kid?" You say as you kept an eye on her while she handled your money. Gingerly she placed the fallen money atop your misshapen stack.

“Are you..Miss Cat?” she asked nervously.

“No, I’m Sweetie.” you turn and walk off, but she moves to walk next to you.

"Can you help me find a Miss..um...Cat? Please?" She asked so softly you could barely hear her in the loud dressing room. You recognized one of the waitresses, by face not by name. She looked like she was better suited for a proper cafe not this place. Still new to the world not yet hardened by its cruelty.

"Oh yeah. Sure.” you smile at her sweetly.

“Hey Cat!" You shouted over the lockers. Turning from her you marched onward to your locker while she followed close behind. You saw Cat earlier walking to the back when you were on stage, so you were sure she was still getting ready.

"Yeah?" A voice answered from beyond the metal wall.

Looking over your shoulder you urged the girl to speak. "Um..Um Miss Cat there is a request in room two for you!" She half shouted, Cat replied with a surprised 'O'.

"Damn girl! You just got here right? Must be nice to be that popular." You teased.

"Tell him she will be there in a minute, she needs to finish getting ready." The waitress mouthed a thank you before she scurried away out the door.

When you waved her goodbye your money scattered on the floor. It didn't matter too much as you were now at you destination. Flopping down on your bench you fixed your top first, setting your breasts straight and then got started.

After the cash was counted and stashed you needed to make your rounds on the floor.

Going table to table practically begging men was something you weren't looking forward to. There was nothing worse than being rejected by a guy that on any normal day you wouldn't bat an eyelash at.

Here they knew they had the power. The pros could sniff out a good mark, but that superpower was never bestowed upon you.

The door to the locker room burst open just as your locker slammed shut.

"All right ladies listen up!" Nick yelled over the everyone.

Heads turned and bodies moved around to focus on Nick. He was a common occurrence backstage so the barely dressed girls didn't shy away when he barged in.

Behind him Rumlow, the bouncer, dragged in a few girls that you had seen on the floor when you were on stage. That was new. Rumlow never entered the locker room. His presence quickly starting grumbles of chatter amongst everyone and when Bubbles came back from behind the curtain cursing at Nick it only helped fuel the confusion.

"As of today we are now under no management!" Nick shouted, quieting the the confused gaggle of girls. His one good eye roaming over everyone, unconcern by the effect his announcement made within the locker room.

"I want everybody on Stage now!"

No one moved.

"I said Now!"

One by one each of the girls climbed up the stairs and on to the stage. Clamoring together after you all passed through the curtain.

The club now empty, a bizarre sight as it was not the case when you were on. It's as if the club had never opened. Abandoned drinks on various tables, the DJ had stopped playing music, but the spot light stayed trained on the stage.

Nick walked below you all from the main floor and barked more orders. He wanted everyone to line up along the plank and put toes on the edge of the stage. It was such a strange request, yet everyone complied, but not without a few gripes.

As bodies moved into place, you finally noticed a large group of men in the far back corner of the club. With the spot light on the stage it was hard to make out who they were or how many.

"Who are they?" You whisper to Bubbles as you position yourself next to her.

"No clue."

You were all standing shoulder to shoulder, wrapping around the stage like soldiers at attention waiting for the next command from their general. Half of the girls were either in street clothes or their dance attire.

"Backs straight ladies show them what they bought." Nick shouted.

"What?" A few dancers called out all at once.

The men started to move from the back, coming more into view as they got closer to the stage. When they spread out, flanking the stage surrounding you all from the floor you became unnerved. Each one in a well dressed, everything looked designer in some variation of black, all with a hungry look in their eyes.

"You out...that one on the far end bye" a strange man's voice started commanding, pointing at varies girls from down the line. The dismissed girls heels shuffled behind you as they headed to the back.

"Did he just fire them? What the fuck?" Bubbles whispered to you. She was already starting to fume, especially after getting her stage time cut short.

"Shut the fuck up over there!"

Your eyes shoot straight ahead and shoulders stiffened when he barked at Bubbles. You could her hear cursing under her breath, through gritted teeth you tried to get her to calm down. Her temper got her in trouble on a good day.

Her good lucks made a top earn during the golden hours, but because of her constant fighting with dancers and customers Nick bumped her to the opening shit.

"Fuck you!" Bubbles spat out, leaning to look at the man calling the shots.

Fuck!

This was the exact opposite of what you wanted. Your hot headed friend had caught the attention of the prick firing girls willy-nilly.

"Bubbles!" You scold her. She didn't care, she was not intimidated by these men, but you sure as shit were.

"I see a few of these Maidens have some fire!" A man with a heavy accent boomed from behind you. There was a sinister delight to his tone that you didn't like.

The face to the voice casually walked in front of you two. Your eyes widened when you recognized his face. It was Bucky, his cold blue eyes greeting you with a smirk once again.

"Ladies is there a problem here?"

"First off don’t fucking don’t tell me to shut up! Second..What the fuck man? You can't just fire girls like that! Some of them got kids to support and shit!" Bubbles fumed with her hands on her hip, her confidence gaining cheers of encouragement all around.

"Well Doll I wish I could tell you I give a shit..." Before she could move you stopped her. You grabbed her by the arm preventing her from taking the man on.

"Bubbles! Girl he is twice your size calm down."

Bucky chuckled as you tried to calm your friend down.

"Listen up this club has now fallen into Howling Commando territory. So that means this club now belongs to us. You belong to us." The men gave a chores of cheers for their achievement.

The Commandos were a well known syndicate, mostly known for gun running. The infamous group taking ownership of the club didn't bode well you and the other dancers.

"Congratulations you have all made it through round one. Now boys lets test drive our new merchandise." His eyes stayed on you during the announcement.

All the dancers heads bobbed and swiveled in search of Nick, but he had vanished from the floor. You watched in silent horror as men crept the stage while Bucky stood back and watched.

From behind and around you could hear the clicking of heels shuffle. Girls bumped into each as they retreated from the edge of the stage.

His blonde companion appeared by his side just as he did earlier. Resting an arm on Bucky's shoulder, his eyes fixated on Bubbles. Your hand found for hers, holding each other tight when he moved past Bucky to join the other men by the stage. shoving a comrade to the side that seemed to by eyeing Bubbles too.

The blonde stretched out his arm, reaching a hand to tugged a string on Bubble's outfit.

"All right boys take your pick, let me know if they make it to round two." Bucky ordered.

Each man took their pick. Some of the dancers fought, argue fruitlessly, while others crumbled and sobbed before being carted off to some corner of the club. The stage was cleared fast leaving you and Bubbles the only two left standing.

"Hello Kitten, remember me?" Bucky asked as he approached the edge of the stage, patting the floor of the stage signaling you to near, instead you stayed frozen in place. Bubble's yelped drawing your attention back to her, his blonde friend had her by the wrist. Another pat caught your attention making you lock eyes with him again.

"Kitten I don't like to repeat myself."

Nervously you approached him. Your plastic heels wobbled a bit as you crouched down you and came face to face with the man.

"You played a really dirty trick on me and Steve."

He threw a his thumb toward Steve. Giving a name to the monster, who pulled Bubbles off the stage. You watched Bubbles fight his grip as he walked her away, until he stopped. Steve lifted her with ease and tossed her over his shoulder. Her tough demeanor turned suddenly soft, scared as she looked back at you helplessly with tears in her eyes. When Steve passed through the doors of the private room section your stomach sank.

"Your such a naughty Kitty....Sending someone else to play in your place."

Your brows furrowed with confusion.

Shit Cat.

You hadn't noticed her in the group in the locker room or on stage. Your heart raced when he took hold of your chin, forcing you to focus on him and you fought the urge to pull away.

"Worried about your friend huh... don't be" Bucky taunted.

Primal noises grew in volume and fill the club. The seedy strip club was turning into a brothel right before your eyes.

Bucky lead you with a hand clasped around the back of your neck to Nick's office. You shook like a leaf in his grasp. The whole way tripping over your plastic heels as you tried to keep his pace.

Once inside he tossed you on the leather couch that sat across from Nicks desk. Your knees hit the side of the chair making you tumbled face first into the leather cushions.

He was going to do what he wanted with you. You started to blubber at the thought of Bubbles, Cat and the other girls. Their fate would soon be yours.

Bucky walked in front of the sofa, he towered over you, completely unbothered by your distress. You pushed up and sat with your legs tucked under. Your eyes stared up at him, watching as he pulled a box of smokes from his jacket. Casually he took a cigarette out, sparked it up and took a few puffs.

He examined you through the smoke, the toxic haze invaded your nose when you sniffled. You went stiff when he lifted a hand to play with a string on your shoulder.

"So your Tony's whore."

You met Tony at the club. The charismatic older man had quickly become your regular. Always requesting a private dance after you came off stage.

He was such a blessing whenever he came in, showering you with money. Nick eased up off your ass whenever Tony swung by. It didn't take too long to find out why.

During one of your steamier sessions he dropped his badge. When you saw it you were freaked, jumping off his lap before things got too out of hand. Tony Stark, a detective, he explained as you redressed. Coaxing you to stay and finish where you left off. Nick was a retired cop so that explained Nick's leniency.

After that you two to fucked up royally. Tony got you pregnant. When you told Tony he surprisingly didn't care. Almost like a Prince Charming whisking you away from the club life, setting you up in a nice apartment. Playing house with you, filling you with delusions of a happy family.

You hadn't even known how full of shit he actually was until his wife popped up at the apartment you shared with your future baby's father.

Tony was of course away at work when you stood face to face with his spouse. Her eyes soaked with tears cursing you to all hell for ruining her life. You were in such shock at the revelation that you couldn't find the words to say. Seven months into your pregnancy the world he built for you came crumbling down.

Tony didn't come back that day or any day after. You couldn’t count the times you called him and left messages, begging, crying pleading for him come back. If he weren’t a detective you would’ve shown up to his job.

He had gone back to her and it hurt you tremendously and it still hurt. Tony was kind enough to keep paying rent and the bills though. You presumed it was to make up for the fact that he would not be their for the birth of his daughter.

It didn't take long after Daisy's birth for Pepper to lead the charge for full custody. The whole ordeal leaving you with a feeling of worthlessness as their lawyers painted you as an unfit mother and gold digging opportunist.

Without your little one you felt numb so you drank more and more to cope with the loneliness, the heart ache. To add insult to injury once they took her the money stopped so it was back to the poles.

Tears streamed down your face as you sobbed uncontrollably. This man was going to kill you all because you had the dumb luck of fucking a cop.

Bucky's jaw tightened his demeanor no longer jovial. All your thoughts fell to your daughter and how you wanted to see her again.

"L-listen me and T-tony.."

"There's an informant working for Tony." He cut you off.

"What?" Brushing away a few tears you try and comprehend what he was saying.

"I want their name." He said plainly as smoke blew out, stubbing out the cig on the arm of the chair.

"I don't know what you want from me? He barely lets me see my kid." Your face was still wet with tears.

"Did you know Pepper can't have kids?" He said stepping closer to you.

Your eyes fell away from him, his question dominating your thoughts.

When he moved a hand to pull at your bow you were too late to stop him. You leaned into the back of the couch and wrapped your arms around to cover yourself.

"They supposedly considered adoption, but Pepper insisted on Tony having a blood heir." Bucky lean towards you so you huddled into the corner of the sofa. One arm helped box you into the side of the couch.

Bucky didn't bother with removing your hands from your chest, instead forcing his hand down your g-string and deep between your legs. Your legs started to ache as you sat perched on them and with the added hand you started to squirm.You squeezed your thighs tight but it was useless.

The tears continued to flow down as you begged him to stop. Bucky felt like an immovable wall when you tried to push him off. He hissed when his meaty digits rubbed against your clit.

His callus palm sent vibrations all around you. Biting the inside of your cheek you try to ignore the blooming heat.

Beating on his chest you feel him vibrate with laughter. When a finger slipped through, parting your lips you yelp. The nervous energy started to be overpower by a sense of betrayal.

Casually Bucky started pumping into you. Your eyes burned from all the tears you cried. Your hand cocked back and slapped against his face with all your might, but it did nothing. He just stared at you intently. Watching your pathetic attempts with a sadistic joy. When he dipped further in, your hands that had pushed him away were now dug into the fabric of his shirt.

"I-if you know soooo much. oh shit.. hah-how come you cant find this informant?" You frantically pant out as you try to control yourself.

He didn't answer. You squirmed wen he added another finger. You tried to hold back a moan at the curl of his digits, the back of his palm rubbing roughly against your clit.

“Mmm shit!”

“That’s it Kitten.”

The walls of your heat ached, there was nothing you could do to stop your cunt from clamping down around his digits.

"Making a mess of my fingers" he tsk'd. When he pulled out of your soaking slit you exhale loudly. Bucky moved to stand tall before you again as you slummed back.

"He used you, because your nothing, but a stupid whore." The jiggle of his pants caught your attention.

"He loved me.. he didn't...H-he just couldn't leave her." As the words fell out you didn't know if you were trying to convenience yourself or Bucky. That was what Tony told you all those time at family court.

"Believe me or don't" He slipped out of his blazer, you watch unable to move as he undressed.

"....I don't care" His icy eyes stared into your soul all the while as you wish you could melt into the leathery fabric.

"Get me the name or you will be a faded memory to Daisy. And that's if Pepper doesn't erase you first." Each word hit you like a brick to the face.

Your hand cupped your mouth to stop the returning sob. "Face down ass up Kitten I want to see how loud you purr."

There was nothing you could do. If you didn't move on your own you were sure he would move you himself so you just got into place. Holding your breath to stop the hiccups as you bend over, clutching the opposite edge of the cushion with each hand.

Bucky’s added weight dipped the couch making it grown. He nestled himself in-between your thighs, the closeness of him shooting your anxiety through the roof. When he moved your g-string down your legs your heart beat so hard in your chest. The pace so fast you tried to concentrate on calming it down, rather than your impending doom.

Had Tony used you? Was Bucky right? You felt sick. The leather of the couch cushion pressing into your ear as Bucky got into position behind you.

When Bucky tapped the hard shaft of his cock on your ass you blubbered out loud, unable to contain the mix of emotions inside you.

Bucky's hands hooked under your waist, shifting you about so that he could guide himself hands free to your opening.

The head of his cock pressed in hard and firm, separating your folds, yanking your hips straight when they start to falter.

Methodically Bucky pushed into you, forcing you to feel every inch of him as he stretched you. Your toes curled at the feel of his girth overwhelming you.

His husky growl married with his fingers digging into your side. His weight pushing you hard into the cushion.

Shooting pains resonated throughout your body, mewls escaped you as your body tried desperately to adjust. Bucky's sunk deep into you as your nails tore through the leather of the cushion. When he finally pulled back your body trembled.

This man was nothing but control and power in human flesh. Your emotions were becoming overwhelmed. Your need was taking over.

"Please Bucky...." You croaked out while his tip remained inside you.

"You take my cock so good Kitten." Bucky's voice was husky and full of lust. The sound of his timber sent rippled through your core. Your mound a flame from his touch and length. You wanted him to fuck you hard, you needed to forget about Tony and the world.

"Fuck when was the last time he touched you?" Broken moan are your only reply.

He sunk into you again with a lethargic stroke. You had to grit your teeth to take the length of him. Your cunt already massaging his cock, aching for more despite the pain.

"You're so fucking tight."

This was no quick hit it and quit it scenario. This was torture.

"Kitten...." He groaned out at you. Bucky's slow torture was breaking down, his rhythm increasing ever so slightly.

You hated yourself for wanting him. For needing him to fuck you hard, to use you.

You wanted to hear him call out your name as he railed you into the couch and you despised yourself for it.

"Tell me what you want Kitten."

You could hear your sex. The wetness enveloping his cock thoroughly.

When Bucky pushed himself to his hilt again you crumbled."Fuck me." It was weak, broken, but it was your voice.

"You want to cum for me?" He sounded like a lover. Full of care, so beautiful, but deep down you knew it was a lie.

"Bucky please fuck me!"

Your ass slapped against his thighs sending a sound of applause around the room. Bucky had set you a blaze. You needed to be used by him, to be needed.

"I can feel you, Kitten..Fuck."

You bit your lip and moan reveling in his pleasure.

"That's it purr for me Kitten...Such a good Kitten just for me." Buck’s words of praise helped to further send you over the edge. "This pussy fits me fucking good." He growled down, slapping your ass making you moan louder.

"Who do you belong to Kitten?" Bucky tore through your cunt. The pain blanked over your thoughts, fading away unwanted feelings.

"Fuck! Bucky! Fuck...I'm your whore!" Your voice strained as you shouted out the words. Bucky’s dominating hold giving you the feeling of being owned. You wanted him to own you and break in pieces.

"Show me I own you. Come on my cock baby." He hissed and you exploded, your cunt convulsing all over his cock. Bucky fucked you through your climax, his own rhythm breaking down as you come.

With a final hard thrust came. Bucky’s warmth overflowing as he breathed heavy. Your body milking and pushing out his cum as it over flowed.

Bucky's cum seeped out of you, drying along your thighs as you laid half sleep on the couch. His blazer draped over your body keeping you warm.

He sat on the couch next to you, stroking along your leg soothingly. The smell of another cig filled the air as he got up and walked over to Nick's desk.

Or was it his desk now, you weren't sure. Your arm dropped to the floor when you moved it. When you lifted it your finger tips graze something underneath. Curious you clutched it and brought it into view. An empty bottle champagne.

You look at the back of Bucky. Thoughts of your daughter poured into you. Thoughts of her being bullied for having a stripper mom. Thoughts of her hating you for being this worthless loser. How Pepper would be their for her, consoling her.

There was no way you could get what he wanted. And even if you could it would just be a matter of time before your daughter grew to hate you. Your were dealt a losers hand.

Slipping your arms through the sleeves of his jacket you try not to make to much noise. Standing up with bottle in hand you crept up on Bucky. He was looking at his phone, his back still toward you when you smashed the bottle over his head. He dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

Quickly you dropped down, digging through his pockets while he was out. Keys, wallet and phone were what you took off him. You got up from the floor you back away.

Holding your breath you watched to see if Bucky would move. when his chest went up and down you were slightly relieved that you hadn’t killed him.

Your hand rest on the door knob when your cracked it open. You watched and waited, listening intently for anything, but nothing came. Your heart raced again when you start to walk out of the office. Down the hall of Nick's office was the employee parking lot and you hoped to gawd that the mobsters parked there too.

Bang Bang

"Gawd Damn it Tony!" you bashed on the door of your baby's father home. You felt frantic constantly looking over your shoulder as you waited for him. When the door finally opened it was no surprised that his wife was the first to greet you.

When you got far enough away from the club you searched his car for a change of clothes. The mobster only had a pair of old trainers that you added to your already unfashionable look.

Dressed in Bucky's blazer and gym shoes. You had tried your best to remove your make up on the drive, but you were sure that probably made things look worse.

"Hi Pep" you spat. "Where is Daisy?" Crossing your arms over your chest to control your shaking. You were anxious, a mess and you knew she was judging every aspect of your appearance.

"It's not your day to see her and you know it" her hate filled eyes bore through you as she spoke. Pepper's slender frame blocked the door as you tried and choke down your rising anger. The hate between you two was mutual.

"Look if you had a daughter of your own you might understand the Maternal need to see ones own flesh and blood." You took a step closer to her, she was taller than you, but you always assumed if things got dirty you would win that fight.

"Whoa whoa whoa lets retract those claws ladies." Tony appeared from behind her with Daisy, the cheerful little thing, lighting up when she laid eyes on you. Her cute calls for her ‘Mommy’ breaking the tension between you two. Pepper's sneer did not go unnoticed by you as she turned and stormed off. Smirking to yourself, relishing the reaction you pulled from her.

"Now I know you know better than to just pop up like this. You cant keep doing this" he was stern, but you rolled your eyes in response.

"Well maybe if you would've left your wife and not taken full custody of Daisy I wouldn't feel the need to make a surprise visit." You made sure to be loud, hoping for Pepper to come back in and start something with you, but she didn't. Tony on the other hand was unamused.

"Hi baby" you kissed her on her chubby cheeks, smelled her hair, bouncing with her on your hip as you walked across the threshold. "Listen Tony I need to leave town for a few days, my mom is sick." You didn't look at him. You could feel the pending judgment on his face before he sighed.

"You begged, pleaded even to get unsupervised custody, and now that you get it you disappear on us...On her" he corrected himself, but you couldn't deny your heart skipped a beat when he said us.

Placing Daisy on the floor you let her run of to play with some toys. She lift up toys, showing the off for you.

"I know" you sighed heavily biting your bottom lip as you looked back him. "She is sick. It's only for a few days and I will be back in town." You lied.

This was a goodbye. It didn't matter if Bucky was telling the truth or not. Daisy's life was better without you. Pepper was better than you. Would be a better mother than you. Bucky was right Daisy was so young enough to forget you.

Your eyes started to water as you watched your daughter. This house this life was better than anything you could give her.

Tony sighed. "Alright don't make this a habit." He chided.

Tony was closer to you than you realized. Wrapping an arm around your lower waist, leaning in your earn the move making your heart race.

"I miss you so much." His words burned your ears and you had to pull away. It felt like a dream.

You turned to look at him. Searching for that Prince Charming that promised you this life, your heart ached when you found nothing there. Stepping back you move to sit next to Daisy. Laughing when she talked in gibberish as she shows you another dolly.

"Tony can you come here a sec?" Pepper called out. He leaves you alone with Daisy to attend to his wife.

Your mind was made up. You needed to disappear.

Chapter 2>>>

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aslightstep · 7 years

Text

I Come With Knives

I never promised you an open heart or charity/I never wanted to abuse your imagination

“Howard? Why are you looming over the baby?”

Howard didn’t look at his wife, instead once more turning Tony’s wrist to the right, then to the left. “I don’t loom,” he muttered when he felt Maria’s hand on his shoulder.

“Hover, then.” Together they looked down at Tony, fast asleep in his crib. Howard carefully placed his son’s hand back on the mattress, palm down so the name on his wrist was hidden.

“We should get it removed,” he said quietly. “While we have the chance.”

“Howard, that’s his soulmate,” Maria said sternly.

“His soulmate that he’s never going to meet?” Howard asked derisively, turning towards her. “It’s cruelty, Maria. We get it done now, he’ll never know.”

“So we let him grow up thinking that there’s no one out there that will or would ever have truly loved him?” his wife challenged.

He sighed, steering her out of the room. “You place too much stock in soulmates, my dear. They’re not the be all and end all of everything.”

“Should I be insulted?” Maria laughed, running her finger along her own name carved into Howard’s skin. “Look, all I truly know about soulmates is this: when the fascists were chasing us out of Italy and I lost my parents, when I thought every day was my last, knowing that somewhere out there, dead or alive, you had carried me in your heart was the only thing that kept me going. No, soulmates are not everything, Howard, but they are enough. And besides, Tony deserves to know.”

Howard pursed his lips, thinking it through, knowing Maria won’t back down on this, and he finally nodded, earning a smile and a kiss from his wife. “He never said anything, you know,” he said to her as she began to walk away. “He must have wondered. Same last name and all. But he never said.”

Maria shrugged. “Maybe he was scared. Forties homophobia is a pretty big deterrent, Howard.” She headed towards their room.

Howard took a deep breath and let it out slowly, rapping twice on the door to Tony’s room. “You hear that, kid? You grow up and hate that name, you don’t blame me.”

There was a reason Maria didn’t want Howard to remove her son’s soulmark. One that she would never tell him directly to her face.

Howard was never going to be a good father.

She never even meant to get pregnant, even though Howard wanted an heir. Especially because Howard wanted an heir. She loved her soulmate, but he was never going to view any child of theirs as anything but another one of his inventions.

And Howard expected his inventions to be perfect.

Tony, beautiful, brilliant Antonio, was anything but perfect. He was a noisy, overly-inquisitive child who had a know-it-all streak a mile wide and was a bit spoiled. He was messy and loud and forever saying nonsensical things. In other words, he was a perfectly normal four year old, but Howard would never see it that way. Everything wrong with Tony needed to be fixed, NOW, instead of letting him grow out of his more negative qualities.

Maria picked up Tony as he cried, running ice along the burns on his fingers and internally cursing her husband’s name. Of course he had pushed Tony to finish the circuit board, of course he had let their baby use power tools. He had been so disappointed when Tony’s first board hadn’t worked, told Tony not to even bother if he couldn’t get it right. Howard had always prized the scientific method, but with Tony, his creation, he couldn’t seem to fathom inaccuracies.

“Daddy will be mad,” Tony sobbed. “You have to let me down, Mama, I have to try again.”

Maria hushed him, running a hand through his hair. “Daddy won’t be mad, baby.”

“Yes he will, he’ll hate me. He hates me!”

“He doesn’t, sweetheart, he loves you.” As best he could, anyway. “And I love you, too.”

Tony only just sobbed harder, shaking his head.

This was why Maria insisted they kept the mark. Because Howard was going to carve their baby into a scientist no matter what, and Maria could say the words for both of them until she turned blue in the face, but Tony needed proof. She gently turned Tony’s hand so his wrist was facing them, running her hands along the name there. Her poor son. “He loves you, Tony.”

Tony slowly quieted, reaching out with his other hand, so small, and following her movements. “He does?”

“He’s your soulmate. No matter where he is, no matter what you’ve done, he loves you. Always. That’s what a soulmate means: always.”

“Always,” Tony echoed, a hint of a smile in his voice.

Edwin Jarvis dragged the glass of whiskey away from his young charge and replaced it with a glass of milk. “Would you like to tell me what brought this on?”

He had come home to find the liquor cabinet’s lock picked and Anthony flung out on the piano bench, contemplated the tumbler in his hands like it was a hand grenade. He had ushered both pre-teen and tumbler to the kitchen where he now sat beside him, rubbing a hand on his back.

Tony’s eyes were red. Jarvis didn’t even know Tony remembered how to cry anymore.

“M’ soulmate’s dead,” Tony whispered, and Jarvis felt his heart sink. He and Maria had talked about this moment, how to handle it. He was amazed, honestly, that it had taken Tony so long to piece it together. He only wish Maria was here now.

“You knew.” Tony was staring at him now, betrayal in his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t anyone?”

“Because he made you happy,” Jarvis answered. “And you deserved that feeling for as long as we could give it to you.”

Tony’s lower lip trembled. “Why even let me feel that when you knew it was going to be taken away? He’s dead, Jarvis! Like, really dead, like for-decades dead. I’m never gonna see him. I’m gonna be alone forever.”

Jarvis pulled his charge into a hug, holding tightly until Tony relaxed. “Not so, sir,” he said softly. “He’ll always be with you. He was meant for you. That makes him a part of you, and nothing, not even death, can take that away.”

Tony’s body shuddered and Jarvis felt his shirt grow damp, but Tony remained silent. Jarvis hoped that meant the words sunk in.

“You’re seriously not gonna tell me?” Jim laughed, hitting Tony with a pillow. His roommate toppled over in a pile of gangly limbs and giggles. “I showed you mine!”

“And I’m sure Virginia Potts is a hell of a lady, whoever she may be,” Tony said. “But I didn’t ask you to show me, man, this isn’t quid pro quo or something.”

The words were as teasing as ever, but Tony’s eyes had shuttered by the end of his sentence. Oh. Oh. Dammit. Jim had overstepped some serious bounds here. “’Course, man. I didn’t mean - I just thought if I knew I could keep an eye out.”

Tony shrugged, sitting up, fiddling with the thick band around his wrist covering the name of his soulmate. Rhodes had never seen him take it off in the entire year he had known him. He’d bet that was one serious tanline.

“He’s dead.”

Jim blinked, head snapping towards Tony, not sure he heard right. “He’s-”

“Dead,” Tony repeated.

Well, Jim was definitely taking Worst Best Friend this year. “Tones, I’m sorry.”

To his surprise, Tony looked up and smiled. “It’s okay. He loved me. Even if he never met me. He had my name. He loved me. That’s enough for me.”

“That’s…” Jim searched for words. “Weirdly mature of you, boss.”

Tony laughed, pushing at his shoulder. “Don’t rag on my coping mechanisms, man!”

Jim dragged the younger boy into a headlock, and promised himself he’d never let anyone bother Tony about that wrist band where he could hear them.

“What’s it like?” Tony asked Pepper once, as they were both drifting on inflatable tubes neither should have brought into the lazy river installment circling the hotel pool. But hey, who was going to stop Tony Stark, or his platinum card?

She made an inquisitive hum. “The soulmate thing,” Tony clarified, and Pepper opened her eyes to look at her boss. He wasn’t looking back, his eyes firmly placed on the ceiling, but she could read the yearning in his face.

Tony had told her the truth about his soulmate years ago, but it still hurt her every time she thought about it. To know that Tony would never feel what she felt-

Well, maybe she could describe it to him. Tony had always had an amazing imagination.

“You feel…complete,” she said, and Tony sighed and closed his eyes. “You feel finished. Like you’ve been a puzzle all your life and here someone has all the missing puzzles you didn’t know were missing. And you have all of theirs. It’s mutual, and that’s what makes it - so great, I guess. That you’re needed as much as you need. That your love is returned equally.”

She and Rhodey had turned out to be platonic, both happily seeing other people who were also platonically-bonded, but she couldn’t imagine being without him now. Functioning like she did now. Sometimes it scared her, that level of devotion. She knew now why some people killed themselves after losing their soulmates.

“Sounds wonderful,” Tony murmured, his right hand encircling the band on his left wrist. “You and Rhodey are lucky.” He didn’t mean it to sound petulant, and it didn’t, but she still felt a spike of guilt anyway.

“Very,” she agreed, reaching out to take his hand. “And lucky to have you, too.”

Bruce watched as Tony stuck a hand out to the Captain while popping blueberries into his mouth. “Tony Stark,” he said when he was finished chewing.

“I know,” Captain Rogers said, a hint of disdain in his voice. “I read about you.”

“Then obviously you know absolutely everything about me there is to know,” Tony said, blisteringly dry, but it was the expression on Tony’s face that caught Bruce’s attention more than anything. He looked strangely nervous and - expectant? Like he was waiting for a specific reaction.

Whatever it was, he didn’t get it. Rogers snapped at Tony a bit then left, and Tony came back to the lab equipment looking small and lost, fiddling with the band around his wrist.

Jesus, Bruce thought. Please don’t let them be soulmates.

Thor respected the Captain and his command, but even he had to admit that so far the man was absolutely dismal at connecting with the Man of Iron.

It was not all Steven's fault, of course; Tony was pricklier than most monsters Thor had faced and his manner of speaking took time to get used to. Between the two of them, both men were terrible at communicating with each other.

So Thor did what he would do with his fellow warriors back home when they would fight.

He sat them down, and got them drunk.

"You both have much in common," he said as he filled Steven's cup with liquor straight from Asgard.

"Like what?" Tony asked, one eyebrow raising.

"You are both leaders of your people. You are both quick-witted and ingenious. You both are missing your soulmates." That last one was a gamble; Thor was never sure when it was appropriate to talk about soulmates. (Personally he found the whole thing strange and frightening in a way he couldn’t define, but it was not his place to pass judgment on them.)

“My soulmate’s not missing,” Tony said, staring at Steve with an intensity that seemed out of place. “He - They’re just. Not here.”

“Neither is mine,” Steve said quietly, looking up at Tony, a curiosity in his eyes that wasn’t there before. “It’s hard, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know,” Tony said stiffly. “I’ve never known any different.”

“You mean you have never met yours?” Thor asked, a bit shocked. From what he had been told and what he’d seen, people had ways of hunting down their soulmates now, and Tony was quite famous.

“No. And I never will, so just-” Tony down his finger of scotch and then wiped at his mouth with a shaky hand. “Look, Thor, this has been great, but I know what you’re trying to do. Me and Cap here, we just don’t mesh well. I think he’s got a giant stick up his ass and he thinks that I’m not good enough-”

“When did I ever say that?” Steven cried, outraged.

Tony lifted his chin in the air. “Oh, you didn’t have to. Your face is plenty expressive, Cap. You’d make a terrible spy, by the way. But also, let’s not forget that you knew men worth ten of me with none of this. We all know who you were talking about, Rogers.”

“I don’t,” Thor volunteered.

Steven looked devastated. “Tony, I was - I was confused, and angry. I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry. Besides, didn’t you make me look like a complete idiot not one day later, flying that nuke into the portal? I thought you’d never come down.”

Tony’s chin slowly dropped so he could meet Steven’s gaze more fully. For one long tense moment Thor thought he might get up and leave, but then Tony sighed. “I didn’t mean what I said either. I just. Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Steve said. “Hey, Tony. You’re good enough.”

“Yeah?” Tony said with a tentative smile, and Thor finally relaxed. They began slowly discusses other things, people and culture, the differences between Asgard and 1940s New York City and the world today. It felt like camaraderie. Thor would be most pleased to take this news to the Widow.

“What was he like?” Tony asked a few drinks in.

“Who?” Steve rolled his head to look at the other man.

“You know...” Tony laughed and fiddled with his wristband. “Barnes.” Thor detected a peculiar note of reverence when Tony said the name, but from what he’d said, Tony had grown up hearing tales of these Howling Commandos. Thor suspected such respect was not so far-fetched.

“You really want to know?” Steve asked. Tony tilted his head, a strange smile on his face.

“’Course I do. We could swap stories if you want. I could tell you ‘bout all the crazy shit Aunt Peggy got up to.”

And then Thor watched as a real smile, the first he had seen in this new world, grew on Steve’s face. “I’d like that.”

“I can’t thank you enough,” Steve said to Tony as they both stood in the kitchen, watching Bucky carefully fiddle with the remote.

“It’s no problem,” Tony replied, his voice very faint. “Couldn’t leave him out there in the cold, could I?”

After hearing what down in DC, Tony had spared no expense helping Steve track down Bucky and bringing him back to the Tower - “only if he wants to,” Tony had said, cautious but hopeful. Now they had him back, and neither of them could take their eyes of the man.

Tony was finally meeting one of his heroes; he was forever asking Steve about Bucky, what he had been like when they were kids and during the war. He looked up to Bucky in a way he didn’t to Steve, and at first that had made Steve a bit jealous, but then he realized that Howard had essentially poisoned Tony against him by constantly putting him in competition with Steve’s memory. Bucky was safer, and not seemingly impossible to live up to. Tony actually had a Bucky Bear, although he had turned bright red when he admitted he had bought it in his teens.

And Steve - Steve was getting back his soulmate.

He had taken a careful peak under the wrist band Bucky never took off when Bucky slept on the plane ride over, and breathed out a sigh of relief when he saw that HYDRA hadn’t marked over or cut off his name. God, he had missed him. Had missed having a soulmate, period, but Bucky more than anything.

Tony moved from beside him, approaching Bucky and sticking out a hand. Steve tensed; Bucky’s reactions weren’t always reliable. “I’m Anthony Stark,” Tony said, which was a bit odd as Tony hated his full name, but maybe he was saying it to give Bucky something concrete to latch onto. “But you can call me Tony. You okay with Bucky?”

Bucky stared at the hand, then Tony’s face, and then slowly reached out with his metal arm. Steve stepped forward, but all Bucky did was shake Tony’s hand. Tony inhaled sharply and the air seemed to freeze before Bucky broke it with a rough, garbled “Bucky’s fine. Anything’s better than ‘Asset.’”

“I bet,” Tony said, smirking a bit. Bucky dropped his hand and a shadow passed over Tony’s face, but then he was all smiles. “How ‘bout I give you the nickel and dime tour?”

“Ain’t got any money,” Bucky grumbled. “Didn’t exactly get paid for killing people.”

Tony shrugged, not looking the least bit horrified. “Eh, I’m rich enough for the both of us.”

Tony was quite possibly Bucky’s favorite person in those first few months. Steve and Sam tried to be there for Bucky as best they could, but Tony just had an uncanny knack for knowing when to hold his hand and when to back off. Tony would drag Bucky down to his lab and plunk him down amongst the mess and make him sorts nuts and bolts into drawers. It had infuriated Steve until he realized that the order soothed Bucky, helped him think.

Tony dragged them out on tours of New York, to all the best and the absolute worst restaurants in the city. “You’ve got cast-iron stomachs, you can handle it,” he’d laugh when Steve and Bucky would complain. And Steve was grateful that Tony had gotten Bucky out and about, grateful that he could see his soulmate in the sun, but part of him also resented it.

It was only that he recognized the way Tony looked at Bucky. Because it was the same way Steve did. It was the same look Steve saw everytime he glanced at a mirror. And he didn’t know how to feel about that. Sure, he had never told Tony, anyone, about his soulmark, but Tony had to know, didn’t he? Steve had moved heaven and earth to get Bucky back, he had never given up, gone weeks without sleep to bring him home. Surely Tony wasn’t that oblivious?

“You should tell him,” Natasha advised when he went to her. “Tony is that oblivious. If you don’t, I will. He follows Barnes around like a puppy, Steve, it’s not good. You’re all going to get hurt.”

“Who’s going to get hurt?” Clint asked, coming into the kitchen and opening the fridge to grab the milk.

“Tony.”

Clint’s face screwed up in a frown. “Seriously, I’m starting to think he’s doing it on purpose. You and Barnes are literally made for each other, no way he doesn’t know. Soulmates are - you don’t get between soulmates.” Steve’s eyes flickered down to the ‘Phillip Coulson’ written on Clint’s wrist. “He’s being an ass, is what it is. You want me to talk to him, Cap?”

“Steve should talk to him,” Natasha interjected, looking at Steve meaningfully before getting up and leaving. Clint watched her go and then turned to Steve with a dark look.

“Look, I’ll set him straight, Cap. You go be with your soulmate. You gotta cherish every moment while you still got it.”

Steve hesitated, uneasy about the entire situation. What if this pushed Tony away? Tony had been so good for Bucky - Steve wasn’t always capable of dealing with the person Bucky had become, too wrapped up in what they used to be, but Tony seemed to know what this Bucky needed before he even needed it sometimes. Steve didn’t want to ruin that, not when they both were doing better than they ever were before.

But, no. He had to think better of Tony than that. Tony was a good man, and a lonely one. Steve completely understood the appeal of Bucky Barnes, but Tony would get past this.

He headed upstairs to the floor he shared with Bucky. They weren’t back to sharing a bed yet, but Steve felt comfortable walking into Bucky’s room and laying down beside him while he read.

“Something wrong, punk? You got that constipated look you always get when you’re unsure about something.”

Steve punched at his arm. “Jerk. Nah, it’s nothing. I just-” He trailed off, looking down at his wrist band. He had been hiding it for so long. Out of fear, then out of grief, and now out of habit. He had nothing to hide anymore. Bucky was his soulmate. His always.

“You just?” Bucky asked, and when Steve looked back Bucky was gazing down at him, that old well-worn look in his eyes that Steve loved so much.

“I wanna take ‘em off,” Steve said, snapping at his band. Bucky’s eyes followed the movement and lit up.

He leaned forward to kiss Steve on the mouth. “I’m game if you are.”

Six months ago he would have gotten Tony drunk to do this conversation. But five months ago Tony stopped drinking, coincidentally at the same time Bucky Barnes came to the Tower.

Tony got sober. Tony came up to socialize. Tony slept, Tony ate. Tony took care of himself, and even managed to take care of Bucky, too.

If Clint weren’t so mad at the guy, he’d feel damn sorry about doing this. Because with Bucky around, Tony had gotten better.

But soulmates? You don’t mess with soulmates. You don’t get in between two halves of the same heart; that was just cruel. And Tony might pretend to be socially inept to get out of whatever gala Pepper wanted to drag him to that month, but he was almost as good at reading people as Natasha was. Steve was his best friend. He had to know what he was doing to the guy, blatantly going after his soulmate like that. The soulmate that Steve had watched fall of a fucking train, the soulmate that had been tortured and brainwashed by HYDRA.

Bucky needed stability right now. He needed the feeling of completeness and finality that only a soulbond could provide. Clint knew from experience. Pulling himself out of the nightmare that was Loki’s meddling had been a nightmare without Phil.

God, now Clint needed a drink.

The point was, soulmates should never be torn apart. Not by death, not by time, not by megalomaniac Gods, and not by narcissistic genius with the emotional quotient of a teaspoon.

As if summoned by negative thoughts, Tony appeared in the living room, surreptitiously looking around. For Bucky, Clint figured.

“Promise me you’ll be chill,” Sam whispered urgently. He had insisted being here when he caught wind of Clint’s plan, to ‘defuse the situation if need be.’ Clint thought it was unnecessary. He wasn’t going to pull any punches, Tony wouldn’t appreciate that. He was gonna give it to him straight and true.

Tony saw them looking, quirked an eyebrow, and sauntered over. “The arrows give you trouble, Katniss?”

“We need to talk.” Tony stopped in his tracks, looking between the two of them, and then slowly nodded, making a gesture for Clint to go on. “You need to leave Steve and Bucky alone.”

“Steve and...Bucky?” Tony asked, glancing at Sam for guidance.

Clint leaned forward to draw his attention back. “Look, we all see the way you look at Buck, and it’s not okay, Stark.”

“What’s wrong with the way I look at Bucky?” Tony’s hand went to his left wrist, where his customary black band covered his soulmark. “Did he say something? I know I can be a bit...much.”

And Tony looked so hurt and earnest that second doubts began to creep into Clint’s mind. Natasha had always said emotions had to be shoved in Tony’s face. “Tony,” he said, voice softening. “Steve and Bucky are soulmates. You do know that, right?”

Tony went still as a statue. “What?”

Clint looked at Sam, who nodded and shifted forward, taking the reigns. “Bucky is Steve’s soulmate. Always has been. And you’ve been so helpful, and they both adore you, but you’re starting to - overstep, a little.”

“Overstep,” Tony repeated faintly.With his right hand he dragged his left wrist over his heart and held it there. Pulse against pulse. Clint knew that trick; it was a textbook coping mechanism for those that had lost their soulmate. No one knew why it worked, but feeling a heartbeat next to your soulmark made everything not feel so lonely. He’d woken up in that same position several times after Phil died. “Why did - why didn’t Steve say anything?”

“I don’t think.” Sam paused, searching for words. “He hid it for so long, back in his time. I don’t know if he knows how to say it. He thought you would know. You two are so close.” For some reason that made Tony flinch hard and Sam rushed to reassure him. “No one’s mad, Tony. Just maybe take a few steps back. Give them some room. Just...be their friend.”

“Their friend,” Tony echoed again. Clint had never seen the man so lost for words. “Because they’re soulmates, so they’re like one entity. Complete. My mom always told me-”

He stopped, closed his eyes, and let his wrist drop. He looked, for a moment, like a puppet with its strings cut. Lifeless.

“I thought you knew, man,” Clint said quietly, because God, did he feel like a jackass now. Tony clearly did not know. “I’m sorry I came on so strong it’s just - soulmates are special, you know?” Sam kicked at him; once again, no, Tony did not know.

Clint watched as Tony visibly pulled himself together, pasting on a little smirk. “No, it’s cool. It’s good to know before I - well, I - I can’t come between that. Thanks for cluing me in, birdbrains.” Tony turned away, heading for the door to the kitchen.

Later when Clint went looking he found one of the liquor bottles missing from the cabinet and wondered how disappointed in him Phil would be.

Sam watched Tony's face carefully as Steve emerged from the elevator with Bucky, their right wrists uncovered for the first time.

JAMES BARNES Steve’s read, in the clear blocky print that Bucky sometimes slipped into on his better days. STEVE ROGERS, read Bucky's in Steve's messy cursive.

Sam brightened at the sight, damn proud of both of them. Tony's jaw clenched tightly but other than that he didn't respond, and Sam breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm such an idiot," Tony said under his breath. Sam allowed himself a small smile. He wasn't usually a fan of Tony's level of self-deprecation but in this case it was a sign that Tony was accepting things, that everything could be normal, no hard feelings.

"Only a little," he said, nudging Tony playfully. "But it's understandable." Neither of them looked down at the wristband hiding Tony's soulmate. Sam felt for the man, he did. Everyone deserved to meet their soulmate, but Tony was approaching forty-five and there was still no sign of them. Whoever they were, Sam hoped they got their asses in gear and weren't dumb enough to listen to whatever the media said about Tony. "Hey. You'll meet them. You've waited this long right? I promise once you do, it'll be worth it."

Tony looked at him and for a moment he looked so lost, so devastated, that a low swoop of dread filled Sam's stomach. He'd seen that looked before, on soldiers who made it back only to find their home was gone. Some of them never found it again.

Then the moment passed, and Tony smiled tremulously. "I've always heard soulmates were a wonderful thing."

“They are,” Sam reassured him, thinking of Layla Simmons, stationed over in China, waiting for him to call on Skype soon.

Steve and Bucky make their way over to the couch, holding hands, both looking apprehensively at Tony. The billionaire took one look at Steve's wrist, one look at Bucky, and chuckled. "So, it's always been you two against the world. All alone."

"Yeah," Steve said softly. Bucky was focusing intently on Tony, watching every minute twitch of his face, but beyond the slightly bitter tone of his voice, Tony was completely calm.

"Well," he said, standing to clap Steve on the shoulder. "Not anymore. You've got all of us supporting you no matter what. I'm proud of you, Steve."

Sam knew he was not imagining the relief on Steve's face. He had been so worried after Clint told him about the intervention in the kitchen; Tony's friendship was important to him. To both of them. "Thanks, Tony."

"And I'm sorry-" Tony faltered, his eyes going distant and vague before a tiny, full-body shudder went through him. "If I've been a bit over-bearing and ah, oblivious. I've been told I have that problem. Selfish." Bucky opened his mouth to speak but Tony was barreling forward. "You two-"

For the first time he looked at Bucky, and that inexplicable dread rose up in Sam's gut again as the light in Tony's eyes flickered out. "You deserve to be happy."

Bucky rubbed at his left metal wrist, a nervous habit Sam had noticed he'd picked up since arriving at the Tower, and nodded. "Thanks. 'M not sure about deserving but-" He looked at Steve and smiled, heartbreakingly hopeful. "I am lucky."

Tony's responding smile was all wrong, distorting his face into something alien. He wagged a finger at Bucky. "Don't take it for granted." His voice was all over the place and Tony began stepping backwards. Sam tensed, ready to step in if Steve's brand of mother-henning prevented Tony from saving some face but they all watched as Tony turned neatly and made his way to the elevator, calling for JARVIS to take him to the lab.

"He'll be alright," Sam told them both when they looked worried enough to follow him. "He's hurt, and probably a little embarrassed. Just give him some time."

Steve nodded and sat down to watch some TV, but for a long moment Bucky remained standing, watching the elevator as if waiting for Tony to come back.

JARVIS watched his creator stumble into the lab, holding his left wrist to his chest. He was crying. JARVIS did not have any previous recordings of Sir crying.

Something was very wrong.

“Can I help you, sir?” he asked, and Tony responded with a laugh, lasting two seconds longer and two decibels higher than the average of his past instances of real laughter. “Sir?”

Tony made his way to the table where his main computer was kept and sat, swaying in a similar manner to previous instances of Sir being inebriated, but JARVIS knew he didn’t do that anymore, had stopped shortly after learning Sergeant Barnes was coming to live in the Tower.

Sir laid his arm out on the table, his wrist - his bare wrist - facing up. JARVIS analyzed the handwriting there in an instant, a thousand if/then statements colliding to form a very distressing conclusion.

“Did you know,” Sir said in a hoarse voice. “That my mother once told soulmates carry around pieces of each other? That way they’re never alone. Not even death can stop that. No matter where they are, no matter what you’ve done, you’ve got somebody who loves you. Always. That’s what a soulmate is.” Sir laughed again, reaching down for the liquor bottle he had brought in from the kitchen earlier, the one he had yet to crack. He did now, taking a long sip before JARVIS could even begin the sequence to remind him of his pledge to stay sober as long as Sergeant Barnes needed him.

“Oh God, I thought I was going to be happy. Can you imagine, J? What a fucking joke. I should have known. Dad did. Said the mark was a fucking mistake. He always did know best.” Tony held up the bottle in some form of a salute.

JARVIS remained silent. For all that Sir had given him room to grow, he was still a machine. He didn’t know how to respond to this. For awhile he simply watched Sir drink, and quietly mourned along with him a future they that was lost to them now.

“I thought he loved me,” Sir whispered. “All that time, I thought he loved me. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. No one could.”

He drank.

“Hey, J,” Tony said some time later, only slurring a little. The cameras couldn’t fully capture his expression, his head tilted into shadows, but he was staring at the mark on his wrist again. “Fire up the soldering iron.”

Natasha helped Thor tear Tony out of his armor, piece by piece, cursing him all the while. “Дурак!” she spat, tossing one of the gauntlets aside as Thor worked on the legs. Steve was going to have to bench him after this stunt for certain; he’d have no choice. Tony had always been reckless but this was borderline suicidal.

What had changed, she wondered in the back of her mind. Tony had been doing so well, all of them meshing well, living together at the Tower. Barnes coming back had made it even better, slotting neatly into their little circle, and though Tony’s obvious crush on him was doomed to go nowhere, surely that wasn’t enough to send Tony into this kind of tailspin.

She didn’t even realized the band that hid Tony’s soulmark had broken off until she was staring at the skin of Tony’s left wrist, mottled by a deep burn. A very recent burn, the scar a very bright pink. If there had been a name under there, it was gone now.

The pieces fell into place very quickly after that.

“Oh.” The small, simple word fell out of her mouth like a stone. “Oh, Tony.”

It felt weird to be sitting around drinking while Tony was in the hospital, but the nurses had chased them out hours ago and after a battle like that, they all needed to unwind. They left Bruce at the hospital, and their phones were all at the ready, but the environment had relaxed just a little.

Bucky didn’t know that he could follow suit, though. He kept seeing Tony diving into that explosion over and over. What had he been thinking?

That had been a common thought these past few weeks, as Tony withdrew further and further from the team for no apparent reason. He’d overheard Clint telling Steve that he had advised Tony to back off a little and honestly, that still kind of bothered Bucky; everyone had been so worried about the attention Tony was paying him but Bucky liked it. He liked that Tony never treated him like he was fragile, he liked being the center of Tony's world and he liked making Tony the center of his if only for a brief time, because it always made Tony smile and Tony should always be smiling.

There hadn't been a need to confront him; Tony was smart and would realize his crush had a soulmate and they would ease into being friends. But he also knew it bothered Steve so he didn't say anything. Tear the bandaid off quicker, he supposed. He didn’t know Tony would take it this seriously.

Gone were the movie nights catching him and Steve up on modern cinema, or the weekly Wednesday tours to the weird hole-in-the-wall joints dotted across New York City. No more sitting in the lab watching him tinker. No more random spurts of Italian desserts filling his fridge. No more Tony, period.

It hurt, and it also irritated him a little. Just because he didn’t want Tony didn’t mean he wanted Tony gone. He missed him, like a physical ache, like cold in his bones. Steve said that Tony wasn’t very in touch with his feelings and didn’t handle rejection well, but it had been weeks. Bucky just wanted his friend back.

“So,” Clint suddenly said loudly. He was a bit drunker than the rest, and looking at Natasha. “Heard you two had to take off everything. Even that little band of his. D’you see a name or is he actually a robot?”

“Clint. Dude,” Sam breathed out, annoyed. “Not cool.”

Clint frowned, seemed to internally repeat what he said, and then frowned harder. “No. Wait. I just mean-”

“Shut up,” Natasha snapped. The room froze. She had never spoken like that to Clint before. Bucky wondered if anyone else could see the minute trembling of her fingers. “You don’t know what you’re asking, so be quiet.”

It’s not like Bucky wasn’t curious, too. Whoever was Tony’s soulmate - well, they were damn lucky, and the sooner they realized it the better. They had to know, Tony was on TV three times a week. Tony was brilliant, and funny, and had a mountain of issues and insecurities but wasn’t afraid of pushing through them for the right person.

Tony just needed that right person. Like Steve was for Bucky. Bucky turned towards Steve, sitting beside him, and nuzzled into his neck, finally relaxing when he felt Steve’s hand begin running through his hair.

"Something wrong with the arm?" he asked, and Bucky looked down to where he was rubbing against his metal wrist. It bothered him sometimes, even though there was nothing wrong with it. Like a phantom pain.

"'S nothing," he murmured. Steve kissed his forehead and they settled in closer together.

Everybody deserved a Steve.

He hoped Tony found his soon.

Tony stared down at his wrists as Helen helped him fasten the cufflinks. He was leaving the hospital, finally, two days later than planned, but it had taken awhile to get Helen and her prototype skin-grafting machine here and a little bit longer to convince her to help him.

He couldn’t take his eyes off of his left wrist. Smooth, bare, free of markings. No scars. No names.

No soulmate.

“You’re a life-saver, Helen,” he whispered, and she glared at him before sending him on his way.

He was heading back to the tower now, back to the team, back to the bots and JARVIS, back to him. Except Tony couldn’t go back to him - that would mean that Tony had ever had him in the first place.

Of fucking course you never had him. Who in the hell would deserve to be the other half of you, Stark?

His mother, Jarvis, his friends, they had all told him that soulmates were love, and acceptance, and unconditional. And it had saved Tony’s life more than once to know that he ranked that, even those years when he thought his was dead. He had lived his life dreaming of that kind of bond, that even when he was the scum of the earth, Merchant of Death, he could have that kind of love.

But it wasn’t for Tony. There was no other half. There was no love, no acceptance, no unconditional. There was just him, alone. Like always. Like he deserved.

Still a disappointment, after all this time. Sorry, mom, for single-handedly - ha - ruining your entire philosophy on soulmates.

He should have known from the beginning. He had just been so caught up in, the swelling tide of everything that had been promised to him. Completeness. Serenity. An open heart. He had been so caught up in waiting for that moment when he would finally be loved back that he hadn’t seen there wasn’t anymore love to be given.

There were paparazzi waiting outside, swarming the car where Happy waited for him. Tony, with a practiced smile, threw up a peace sign with his left hand, his sleeve pulling back, and a thousand pictures were taken of his blank wrist.

Tony Stark had no soulmate. It would be front-page news for the next week. He preferred it this way. This was his story, and his alone now. He wasn’t abandoned, unwanted, a cast-off of a failed bond. When future interviewers ask him, he’ll smile and say “I guess I just loved myself enough for two people.”

Tony had burned his heart out of his chest a long time ago. This was just making it official.

He never had a name. It never said James Barnes.

Tony Stark had no soulmate.

#christopherevans #winteriron #song is #i come with knives #by iamx #alanna writes #drabblethon 600 #tony stark #bucky barnes #since this is so delayed #it's more like an actual fic #angst #hurt no comfort #stucky mentioned

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