#this oneshot was so bad im sorry anon forgive me😭🙏

[rusmii]

Can I request a oneshot where Dazai has a dream ab reader ( fem iydm) and it’s rlly detailed ( the dream ) and everything feels real? And when he awoken she was sleeping beside him which did not help his situation.

๋࣭ ⭑dream surreal ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

osamu d. x fem!reader

╰ back to navi

syp: dazai can't help but overthink a fight that might never happen. but somehow learns how to respect you as a person even more now.

tw//: dazai centric(no literally y/n is nowhere to be seen during most of it), timeline jumps a bit(a lot at the end), arguments, it's implied that dazai is nonchalant asshole whenever an argument happens, hurt/comfort, learning experience, dazai accidentally tortures himself in his sleep, mentioned drug, im kinda too tired to tag everything but since its dazai yall know the drill, i'll leave the rest up to interpretation lmk if im missing any tags

♡: IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONGGG but i rlly did not like how i wrote this.. did not go the way i wanted and i tried fixing it but didn't wanna postpone it anymore so i hope i didn't dogshit it😭🤕

wc: 6k

dazai hums to himself, skipping on the way home from work. today was your guys' 3rd anniversary, and the two of you had reserved dinner at the beachside in Yokohama. it wasn't expensive, but it didn't have to be with it having more sentiment value. it's where the two of you had your first date after all.

he fishes through his pockets to grab his keys, the tiny chinkle dangling in the air as he unlocks the door. as soon as he opened the door, he kicked off his shoes and ran into your shared bedroom, "belladonna!! are you excited for-"

"osamu." you said with venom laced in your tone. dazai stopped mid sentence, his arms now loose to the side as he stood by the entrance of the doorway. "hm?" he tilts his head, "what's the matter, bella?" dazai asks. he noticed an envelope in your hands, and pictures scattered across the bed you were standing in front of.

he could feel your glare boring holes into his soul. "don't bella me. the hell is all this?!" you nearly yell despite your close distance with each other. he looked at you with a confused face. what could have made you so mad that you were practically screaming in his face for... oh.

as dazai stepped closer to the bed he also saw the pictures more clearly.

it was pictures of him from his mafia days, along with pictures of his closest companions. ango, chuuya, mori, kouyou, the old man and oda. his breath is caught in his lungs as he stares at oda's picture. it had 'couldn't be saved' , 'RIP' , and other similar things written in a thick black marker.

there were also other multiple pictures that were taken of him murdering or torturing people from his teenage years. he bit the inside of his cheek, he remembered all those moments, the moments he couldn't take back or erase from his memory. everything was there. from the moment mori found him and brought him to his clinic, to chuuya and him meeting for the first time, and to when oda was dying in his arms.

everything was there, and he couldn't deny it. the evidence of who he really was- was shining through the roof, and he heard you opening the envelope you were hiding earlier.

he watched your movements like a hawk, watching as the contents of the envelope spilled onto the bed. there were very few bullets he used to kill his victims, the gun used; all dirty and worn down(he's pretty sure it's still broken), the drugs he's taken; the empty bottles lay around as the syringes with empty needles bounce off the bed, and lastly a paper.

you held it up, and his body went stiff as you read the contents. "dazai osamu's list of crimes. 1073 in total." dazai pursed his lips into a thin line. whoever was documenting everything couldn't get his crime count right. he committed more than 1073 crimes in total. but you didn't have to know that, did you? not when you were freaking out about his fraud.

he chuckles to himself, wait till you find out about his killings.

"what's so funny?" you squint your eyes. "nothing, but... wow.." he says, astonished as he picks up a photo of oda's orphaned children. just before they went boom. "whoever recorded every one of my moves did one hell of a job! we should invite them to our dinner date to applaud them, don't ya think [name]?" he laughs heartily.

if looks could kill, he'd for sure be near earth's core with how intense your glare was. "[name]?" he asks as you grab your phone and charger, going to the closest to grab the nearest jack you could find. "[name!]" this time, it was dazai whose voice had gone serious, "what are you doing??"

"what's it look like?" you spat back. he bit back the urge to tell you that you were overreacting and that he's a changed man, so he wouldn't ever act as he did back in the port mafia.

too bad this was dazai osamu. he didn't care about the consequences if he didn't have to think about it. you'd always come back running into his arms after a week anyway. "so what if I acted like a teenage dirtbag? I've changed, so shouldn't that matter now; and only now?"

you gawked at him like he just said something stupid, which he did. "did you just seriously say that?"

"what's the big deal?" he shrugs his shoulders, "what's done, been done."

"what's done, been done?" you repeat, "what's done, been done?!" you yell. "this- that's murder osamu! how could you just... act so nonchalant about it!?" you couldn't believe this was who your osamu really was. you'd always assume that he had a rough past, and you weren't wrong, but you got the story wrong.

"it is, but you get over it quickly. trust me on that."

you stare at him. how could you trust someone who's been lying to you the entire time you've been together? lived together? breathe the same air and become intimate with each other? your head was starting to turn from this boom of information. "It's the past. get over it." his voice now low and threatening. was this the same voice he used for his teenage dirtbag years?

"it doesn't involve you. it shouldn't and never involve you." dazai softens his voice once he realizes what kind of tone he is using. "ever," he clenched his fists, "so drop the topic."

your gaze never left the list of crimes that you let fall to the floor. you shook your head, acknowledging that this relationship wasn't going to work. not when this relationship was built on lies. "I'm sorry, dazai." you used his last name this time.

"so this is it?" dazai says, "we're ending things because I did stupid shit back then? is that it?" he presses the questions on you, but you ignore him as you slip your jacket on, opting to get your stuff later. "no dazai."

"then what?!" his voice was starting to become more frantic as soon as he realized that this might really be it. this wasn't like your usual arguments with each other. it always ends up with you crying and dashing out the door, leaving for a week, then coming back without him ever needing to apologize or talk about it.

"tell me!!" he stalks up to you and grabs your arm, but you shove him off you. "think about how I feel once in a while, you selfish jackass!!" you scream and stomped out of the apartment. dazai trailed after you until he stopped at the doorway of your guy's apartment.

"there's nothing to think about when you're a mindless, brainless worm who thinks they know what they're doing!"

you gasped at that. was that what he really thought of you? "oh! well, I'm sorry I'm too stupid for a genius like you!" you stopped midway in front of the door, "in fact, why don't you find a one night- bed to bed bitch who's willing to sit on her ass and half listen to your bitching for some cash!!"

and that was it. you walked away as he yelled at your back, not once trying to come after you. you'd return to him after a week of anger. he knows you will.

Day 1:

he marked the date mentally in his head. he always made sure to keep track of your fights. since today was the 1st day, he wasn't worried about it in the slightest bit. but he groaned. his head throbbed as he sat up on his bed, taking in the leisure sun.

it was about time to head into work, but he was already a minute late, so why rush?

he dipped his feet out of the bed, walking into the bathroom as he prepared to shower. the sound of the water running was heard as he stripped naked. once he checked that the water temperature was to his liking, he stepped inside and sighed, the water running down him, giving him a slight euphoric sensation.

for a moment or two, dazai was relishing in the water. his head was tilted back as he closed his eyes.

his mind whisked him back to the night before. the fight you two had was nothing like the others, where it'd usually formed from a petty squabble. this time, it came directly from an unknown source, and he'd like to know who recorded his timeline of events.

"come back! you don't know what the hell you're doing!!!"

he could hear himself screaming at your back. his voice loud and clear, but his bungled mind and rigid body said otherwise. he physically cringed inside the shower as he recalled every little thing he said to you.

"you need me! you can't leave me!!"

"[name], are you really going to leave me?! after you said you'd never leave!? damn hypocrite!!"

he cringed at that. of course, you'd never leave him. why would you? you love him after all! you'd never leave him! he didn't have to worry because you'd never leave him!

right?

he let out a long breath and banged his head on the wall. well shit. maybe he should really apologize this time.

"dazai-san!" he heard his subordinate call out to him, "hmmmmnn?? what is it atsushi-kun?~" dazai couldn't sleep a wink the past night, but despite all that, his cheerful self still remained for the day.

he was currently at the agency, sleeping his ass off as he watches the tanizaki siblings go at it

"um, a package has arrived for you." the young boy holds out a small box— just a plain brown box with his name on it. To Dazai, from.

he took a look at the box, and his eyes wandered down to where it was sent from. "who sent it?" he asks, taking the box from him and setting it down on his desk. by this point, almost everyone at the agency had stopped what they were doing to nose into this situation. even kunikida had stopped writing and looked over from his desk. "dazai, what is that?"

"why, a box, of course!" he laughs and ranpo sniggers from the side, "open it, you'll regret it if you don't."

dazai became intrigued at what the lollipop sucking boy said. it wasn't everyday ranpo would warn them of something so trivial. he cut open the box from a box cutter he asked from kunikida; him complaining about how dazai never is prepared for anything.

"yeah, yeah." dazai brushes his lecture off as he opens the box, "look! it's.. a note.?" now that got his attention. he stares at it for a bit as he holds it up, inspecting the strange note that was written on black paper, the ink in white.

an argument will ensue.

what the fuck? "dazai-san, what does that mean..?" Atsushi, who was already by his side, asked out loud, "I don't know.."

was it referring to yesterday? dazai felt as if his saliva was stuck in his throat. he bit his lip as he recalled the fight you two had last night. "dazai, what's wrong? is everything okay?" this time it was from kunikida, who looked a little worried from his lack of expression.

"yeah." he whispers below his breath, "yep!" his voice now as loud as it was when he barged into the office late, "everything is A-OK!!"

"are you sure?" yosano asks, not convinced. dazai winks at her as he gives her a thumbs out, tongue sticking out. she sighs, knowing that she isn't going to get an answer from him. "well, if it isn't bothering you, then it doesn't bother us."

kenji nods in agreement. "if anything happens, don't forget to tell us." kyouka follows up, dazai smiles, and soon everyone is back to working like normal.

well, dazai is sleeping as usual.

Day 2:

dazai has woken up to the sound of someone repeatedly knocking on his door. at first, he thought it was a door to door salesman and went back to sleep, hoping that they'd get the hint and go away. but when the knocking persisted and didn't stop, he groaned, getting up from bed.

he stares at the box sitting on his nightstand, the note still inside of it. he wondered if this mysterious ghost watched every single one of your guy's previous fights.

just as he was about to grab the box again, the knocking turned into banging. dazai jumped from the sudden change of pace and hissed at the cold, hitting him as he rolled out of bed. "coming, I'm coming!" he yells from the hall of the apartment.

the banging still didn't stop, and he started to think about every single curse word he spewed at the person as soon as he opened the door.

"what?!-"

but unfortunately he doesn't get to do so, because as soon as he opens the door he is met with nobody.

"-the hell??" he replaces and looks from right to left, checking to see if anybody ran off. he didn't notice anything off, but he saw a sign that read: look down, with an arrow pointing to the ground.

as dazai looked down, he saw another plain brown box on his doormat. one that you'd absolutely insisted that this lonely place needs. he crouched down to inspect it, making sure that it wasn't an enemy trap before picking it up and slamming his door shut with his foot.

the box was bigger, not as big but certainly not as small as the one from yesterday.

he placed the box down onto the kitchen island and walked around to find a knife. as soon as he found a small knife, he turned around to cut the tape down the middle.

the sound of the knife cutting through it; the flimsy flaps of the cardboard hovered up and down. he sets down the knife and pulls open the flaps, being met with another note and a few photos.

he picks up the note first, reading the contents.

she's upset. brush it off.

dazai threw the note to the side, not wanting to overanalyze so early in the morning. he then picks up the photos, there were two of them.

one of him and the other of you.

the photo of you was when you received a yellow envelope and the same plain brown box from the doorstep, and the other was a photo of him smiling as he held up a few things from his mafia days.

brush it off.

his eyebrows furrow as he remembered the last line of the note. "ughh!!" he groans, "it's too early for this!"

kunikida looked like he was about to burst a fuse, "dazai!" he called out to the brunette who was lazing around on the couches. "hm?" dazai looked up from where he was at, eyes going blank when he saw the red-faced kunikida stomping towards him. "get back to work!!" he yells down.

"eww!! kunikida-kun's spit particles are all over me now!!!" dazai waves his arms around, "i've been infected by the W-V!!!"

"huh?! W-V?!" kunikida spurts out, whipping out his notebook and grabbing a nearby pen, "tell me, what else do i have to look out for when identifying the symptoms?"

"hmm, let's see. since i've just gotten it, like- a second ago, the first symptom would be that you'll feel veeeeerrryyyy tired early in the mornings!!"

scribbling could be heard, "i see. what else?"

"next would be how stressed you'd get! i mean, seriously!!- kunikida, have you ever gotten yourself checked?!" dazai lets out an exasperated gasp. "oh my.. kunikida-kun...!"

"what!? what is it??"

dazai stays silent, his eyes widened, a feigned fearful expression on his face as kunikida dreads his answer. "you've been..."

"infected..!" dazai whispers the last part and kunikida's eyes blew wide open, "huh?!-"

"just kidding." dazai yawns and kunikida threw him across the room.

"what even was W-V, anyways dazai-san?" atsushi suddenly appears in his view, "hah.. atsushi is so swirly!! haha!!" he bursts out laughing, and atsushi just sighs.

"forget it, it's just another thing he made up." kunikida pushes his glasses back into place, "dazai, stop brushing things off. you'll regret it one day."

the said man stays silent, watching the blonde man walk back to his desk. whether atsushi noticed his silence or not, the white-haired boy sticks out his hand with a smile.

"i think kunikida-san is right. please don't brush the problem off."

Day 3:

"walk back safe!" atsushi waves to dazai, kyouka nodding her head, and dazai smiles at them; in acknowledgment of their words.

stepping out from the elevator, he couldn't help but think about how peaceful his day has been today.

and the words that kunikida and atsushi had said yesterday. don't brush it off. just like the note. he didn't know if it was just a coincidence or if it was related; dazai sighed as he walked past the florist shop that he used to always stop by when you used to work there. it held some great memories of his failed attempts at flirting and your coworkers hyping him up.

he looked at the 'closed' sign on the glass door: closed today! sorry for the inconvenience!:(

that's weird. usually, they were open every day. dazai glanced to his sides, stepping closer to the glass door after he made sure no one was there to witness it. he pressed his face against the glass, peering into the dark shop.

the flowers stuffed in bouquets, and potted plants scattered all around. there were rows of flowers and plants aligned on the aisles, a simple description of it under each of them. he scanned around for a few minutes before finally eyeing the flower he was looking for. the flower was your favorite flower.

he sucked in a breath as he remembered how happy you were when he gave you those flowers for your guy's third date. how surprised you were when he remembered what your favorite flower was. sure you had multiple, but there was this one flower you could name on the top of your head with ease.

it made him smile, knowing that you were happy. at that time, he didn't know that your happiness was his.

after staring for a couple minutes, dazai knew it was about time to head back, so he glanced one last time at the flower before turning on his heels and leaving for good.

a few twists and turns, and soon, dazai was back at the apartment. a shortcut! he'd like to call it. 'zai, that's stupid.' you'd laugh every time he found a new way to shorten the shortcut. 'whaaat?? it's my specialty!' he'd always reply back.

bickering would always ensue afterward, but just like all the other times, it was over within a week.

as dazai made his way down the hall of the apartment complex, he noticed someone turn down the hall and disappeared from plain sight. he didn't bother to chase after them, thinking it was another resident of the building.

he let out another groan. "of course, it'd show up at one point." he spat under his breath, speed walking closer to his door to pick up the plain brown box. as he was about to pick it up, he stopped his tracks. his mind immediately jumped back to the mysterious person who turned the corner. could it have been him?

he crouched down to the box's level, carefully picking it up to check it out. rotating the box, he shook it slightly, feeling the object inside moving.

'it's light.' he confirms. he looked back at the end of the hall where the mysterious person went to and got up with the box clutched in his arms. he stalks down the hall, his footsteps heavy as it echoed through the silent hall.

"shit." he says once he's reached the end, "what the fuck..?"

the wall that's staring back at him; mocks him. he turns around to find the same dead-end wall on the opposite end. the stairs down being elsewhere.

dazai bit his tongue, slowly backing away as he retreats back to his place. now, he knew he had problems with his head, but one thing for sure was that he did not hallucinate. and the note in front of him, stuck to his door, confirmed that all right.

don't run, face the problem. open the box. remember. happy, is she?

dazai ripped the taped paper from his door and unlocked it, almost ripping the door off its hinges. locking the door as soon as he got inside, dazai set the box down next to the other brown box on the kitchen island. he moved around it to grab a knife and walked back to stab it open.

he didn't particularly care about its contents anymore; having been fed up with the daily gifts his admirer gave him.

opening the box, he was met with a flower and another note.

he couldn't pay attention to the note. not when the flower was staring right up at him, a few petals already having been scattered around inside the box. the flower in question was your favorite flower. the stem was cut off, but the petals still retained their color. it must have been recently that the stem was cut off.

dazai slowly picked up the note. it was something he didn't expect: do you feel guilty yet?

he froze. so whoever this mysterious ghost was surely had to know about his situation. but the question was, how, though? was there a break-in? were there cameras around that he didn't know about?

that was impossible, dazai would've known if he was being watched. he was being thrown for a loop, not understanding the motive of this person. was it trying to get him to apologize? for which fight? he didn't know, but now he needed to figure it out.

as he walked to the bedroom, another note was plastered on the bedroom door.

the guilty verdict.

Day 4:

dazai had decided to take the rest of the week off. when asked why, he shrugged them off, only answering in shallow replies. they were worried, of course, but didn't want to push him. he was dazai after all; you don't question dazai.

but in actuality, dazai was focusing all his attention on his secret admirer.

he pins the notes to the corkboard, the pictures, and the flower next to their respective notes. colored yarn used as lines are a jumbled mess; crossing each other. everything was dated as well as the plain brown boxes sitting beneath the corkboard.

dazai also had a whiteboard, small but will make do.

he starts by writing down every encounter and event that could clue him closer to the culprit.

• 1st - note appears from the agency - small plain box - nothing inside • 2nd - note appears from his doormat - slightly larger than the box from 1st - 2 pics - repeated knocking • 3rd - note appears from doormat - mysterious suspect runs - dead-end - note on door - note on bedroom door - [name]'s favorite flower

that was all for now. it had been three days (four if you count today). he was anxious, awaiting the next arrival of the box. from early sunrise to the bright afternoon, there hadn't been a single commotion or hint of the next note.

dazai starts pacing back and forth in the room, his hair all shriveled and messy from the frustrated hands that ruffled through his hair.

it had been an hour after he had fallen asleep. he didn't know when or how, but he had the sense to wake up; his chest heavy as a weight sits atop him. he couldn't move, and by now, dazai could feel himself travel down memory lane.

the dark ceiling of his place; a place that he would have never considered calling home before he joined the mafia. he shivers in the cold, the lack of heating and insulation in general made him sweat like he had just gotten fighting with chuuya, and the chilly coldness of the crisp air hitting him like a storm on random nights during the monsoon season.

night after night, he would always never have enough sleep. the container being too dark for him to properly rest; the young teen is always on the lookout for nearby assassins. at some point during one of his usual sleepless nights, dazai felt a strange weight on top of him as he dozed off.

snapping himself awake, he was met with eyes that matched his, the shadow that loomed over him had no emotions, but his words spoke through dazai's core.

dazai's eyes became wide as he shot up from his spot, scrambling to sit upright as he narrowed his eyes up to the look-alike of him sitting right in front of him. "what— who..— you're me." he manages out, feeling the words clog inside his throat.

"i'm you!" the shadow happily announces, clapping its hands.

the shadow leers at dazai, the wide blood filled eyes looking right into his soul; through him as if he's reading him. "so?" dazai asks as he crosses his arms, "what did you come to tell me this time?"

the shadow titters for some time before inching closer; and closer; and closer; and closer.. until dazai can feel the cold air fanning him. "to tell you what to say whenever you're in the wrong-" it's finger poking at his chest; his heart, "-sorry."

he moves his finger up slowly, "that's all you have to say." the shadow whispers, the finger now pointing to the center of dazai's head, "or would you rather have her gone?"

"hah!" dazai guffaws, "do you really think-"

"were you thinking?"

dazai glares silently, his narrowed eyes flickering between the bed and anywhere else but him. "of course I was." he says, and it laughs, this time mockingly. "ah yes, of course you were thinking, totally thinking!!" — "shut up!" dazai screams, throwing his pillow at the shadow who disappears on impact. dazai breathed heavily as he closed his eyes, his head lolled to the side as he succumbed to slumber.

Day...

dazai sat alone on the chair, his meal getting cold as he waited for you. normally, you'd do the cooking, but this time around, he decided to do it.

it had been two weeks since you left; there was no need for a calendar if he marked every single date mentally anyway. dazai stabs the egg on his plate, the yolk oozing out of it. he had his phone charged and on at full volume at all times, waiting for a call or text, but he had received nothing.

it had been radio silent from you for the past two weeks, and it was killing him from the inside.

the silence had been deafening in his once cozy home. most of your stuff was here, but you still didn't make any indication of coming anywhere near the place. he also hadn't received any notes from his suspicious lurker.

he sighs, maybe another week?

Month...

dazai sat alone on the chair, his meal getting cold as he waited for you. normally, you'd do the cooking, but this time around, he decided to do it.

it had been a month and a half since you left; there was no need for a calendar if he marked every single date mentally anyway. dazai stabs the egg on his plate, the yolk oozing out of it. he had his phone charged and on at full volume at all times, waiting for a call or text, but he had received nothing.

it had been radio silent from you for the past month, and it was killing him from the inside.

the silence had been deafening in his once cozy home. most of your stuff was here, but you still didn't make any indication of coming anywhere near the place. he also hadn't received any notes from his suspicious lurker.

he sighs, maybe another month?

Year...

it had been close to a year since you left; there was no need for a calendar if he marked every single date mentally anyway. dazai stabs the egg on his plate, the yolk oozing out of it. he had his phone charged and on at full volume at all times, waiting for a call or text, but he had received nothing.

it had been radio silent from you for the past few months, and it was killing him from the inside.

the silence had been deafening in his once cozy home. most of your stuff was here, but you still didn't make any indication of coming anywhere near the place. he also hadn't received any notes from his suspicious lurker.

he sighs, maybe another?

Years

dazai stares at his shaken self.

"what— who..— you're me." he manages out, feeling the words clog in his throat.

“i'm you!" dazai happily announces, clapping his hands.

dazai leers at him, his wide blood filled eyes looking right into his soul; through him as if he's reading him. "so?" he asks as he crosses his arms, "what did you come to tell me this time?"

dazai titters for some time before inching closer; and closer; and closer; and closer.. until he can feel the cold air fanning him. "to tell you what to say whenever you're in the wrong-" his finger poking at his chest; his heart, "-sorry."

he moves his finger up slowly, "that's all you have to say." dazai whispers, the finger now pointing to the center of his head, "or would you rather have her gone?"

"hah!" he guffaws, "do you really think-"

"were you thinking?"

he glares silently, his narrowed eyes flickering between the bed and anywhere else but him. "of course I was." he says, and dazai laughs, this time mockingly. "ah yes, of course you were thinking, totally thinking!!" — "shut up!" he screams, throwing his pillow at dazai who disappears on impact. he breathed heavily as he closed his eyes, his head fell to the side as he succumbed to slumber.

#765#567#

dazai opened his eyes, "[name]?" he asked in confusion, your figure in the tv that was in front of him. dazai found himself restricted and unable to move around, his arms and legs locked in place as the chair rocked with every movement.

he makes an annoyed sound, looking around for ways to escape, but there was nothing. dazai didn't know what kind of room this was. it was a solid plain black room filled with the void. it seemed as if he and the tv were floating in mid-air.

just then, the tv started flickering on and off, the screen glitching as the background played.

you were lazing around the house, propped on the couch, as you were mindlessly scrolling through your phone. for a minute or two, all the footage was just you laying on the couch. suddenly, the doorbell rang, and you immediately looked up with a scrunched up face. you weren't expecting any visitors this late into the night, so you assumed it was probably another door to door salesman. it wasn't until the knock came for a second time, then a third and so forth until you couldn't ignore it anymore. you got up to go confront whoever was annoying you this late at night.

suddenly, the tv was switched to a different channel. dazai could barely make out the two voices talking, the footage showing you and a shadowy person next to you. it was holding a yellow envelope, he didn't know what it was telling you but you seemed to be in disbelief as you were handed a light box filled with unknown contents.

another click, and the channel switched again. this time, it was back to where the other channel left off. you opened the door and were greeted with no one. looking around, you stepped out of the apartment a bit to scan the hall. much to your dismay, there was no one, and you had just been ding dong ditched. or at least that's what you thought before glancing down and noticed a plain brown box with a yellow envelope on it.

dazai screams from where he was, telling you not to pick it up yet. it was pointless, of course.

the channel is turned again, and it's an entirely new scenario. his yelling had stopped at that point, but it didn't ease his anxiousness. what was it going to play next? he could probably guess, but he wouldn't, wanting to witness it for himself.

he braces himself for whatever is going to play, finally feeling self-aware of everything all of a sudden. he could feel the cold, humid atmosphere surrounding him. the background noise of the tv; static.

he flicks his eyes everywhere, never leaving his sight on one thing.

dazai lets out a surprised sound when his eyes meet yours. your face in full view on the tv, the glitch having suddenly fixed itself as well as the static noise. it felt eerie as your teary face stared back at him.

"[name]?.." dazai calls out to you, "yes?" his eyes grew big, not expecting you to respond back to him.

dazai didn't know if he should keep talking or if he was starting to go crazy. "[name]?" he asks again, not believing that you were talking with him through the screen. you wipe your eyes, "what is it?"

"what's wrong, osamu?" this time, it was you asking the question. he stayed silent. "osamu?" you ask again, tilting your head as you leaned closer, your face zooming in on the screen, "hey, what's wrong? why do you look like that?"

when he didn't answer again, you lifted a hand and placed it somewhere. he didn't know where it was since it was out of frame, but he could feel the slight warmth of your touch on his hands. it was a weird feeling since both of his hands were still restrained. "osamu."

you kept calling out, "osamu-" — "i'm sorry."

it came out as a surprise for the two of you. your eyes were as wide as his, not expecting him to apologize out of the blue. "i'm sorry," he says again.

he could feel the other touch of your hand being placed onto his. "i'm sorry." this time, it was louder, his voice echoed throughout the void. your warm touch rubbing circles on his palms and the back of his hands. "i'm sorry." a broken sob left him, "im sorry; im sorry."

dazai didn't know what came over him. for some reason, he found himself unable to stop repeating his apology. it was so half assed, he could barely voice it out, and when he does, it comes out as a sob. he's sure that you could barely hear it, his voice being just above a mumble. "im- i don't know how to, i'm sorry." his head was hung low, tears dropping onto his lap; his arms and pants getting wet. he couldn't face you, not when he was snot ridden.

"you do know, and i'm proud of you." he could feel your faint lips on his forehead, a hand moving some of his bangs to the side. "don't cry samu', you're okay. you can do it, we can do it."

"what are we doing?" he sniffles.

"fixing our trust in each other."

dazai brought his head up, and your soothing voice matched the small smile you were giving him. your eyes so full of emotion and.. vulnerability. he felt shivers run down his spine, the eye contact you guys were making made him feel open. too open for his liking.

he wanted to turn away, shut down, and run away again. there was no fight, no argument, no running away if there was no problem, right? each turned down fight proved his logic to be true, the two of you always returning back to your usual routines as if the fight never happened a week ago. it was the perfect formula, a set one that the two of you established over the next few fights.

it was unfortunate that dazai would always reject your input and feelings; refusing to communicate with you because of his logic.

he didn't know what to say, all working gears in his brain stopped turning. everything was stuck, and he sat there, confused. "how?" he croaks out.

he could see your smile getting longer, the hope in your eyes brightening. "let's talk," both of your hands clamped around his, "together?"

it came out as a question, but it sounded happier.

"you're not mad?" he asked. "no, why would i be?" your soft expression remained. "because..." dazai faded off. he thought he would have known the answer to you confidently, but his genius self falters for a bit. "because.. you'll leave me anyway.."

"will always leave me, slamming the door in my face. leaving me like how everyone i tried opening up to left, died even."

by the time he's done with his rant, he's out of breath. he said it pretty fast, but you weren't his partner for no reason.

"guess even prodigies like you can be dumb as fuck sometimes." you deadpan. now that appalled dazai, "huh? what does that mean!" he felt insulted but at the same time he couldn't help but feel as if you were right.

you laugh to yourself, "osamu," you laugh, "is that what you think that i think?"

he was even more confused. why were you laughing?? this was a very serious matter, and you're just... making fun of him. "yes..? it's what everyone thinks of when they're with me."

"don't laugh!!!" he barks from the chair, "sorry! sorry!" you wipe the corners of your eyes. "what?" he pouts when he notices your distant stare.

"let's take a step back, 'kay?" you say, and suddenly the warmth of your hands disappears from his. take a step back? "don't think about it from what you've experienced. think about it from my perspective." he listens intently, taking in what you said.

"so.. you're not going to be mad at me?"

your lips curl a bit, "never. you don't have to tell me every single detail of your life, but i at least deserve the right to see you as vulnerable in front of me as i am to you."

he nods his head, finally starting to understand why you never came back after a week this time. the repressed feelings he forced you to hold back had exploded under its pressure, unable to pile anymore stress onto it. "i promise to do better for you, [name]- be better. i promise."

you gave him a teary-eyed smile, holding up your pinky, "promise?" dazai couldn't move due to his restraints but still held out a pinky nevertheless, "promise," he was looking at you so tenderly, "i promise."

the tv is turned off, and a time is displayed on it. he could hear beeping coming from somewhere. before he could try to identify where the sound was coming from and what was happening, dazai felt his slightly dried up tears roll down his cheek as he cracked his eyes open.

the beeping sound was coming from his right, and when he turned to over, he saw it was an alarm clock going off at the time you set for him to get up for work.

"what?.." he groans, wiping his wet eyes as he scans the room. it was still dark out, and the beeping kept going. "shut up." he hisses as he slammed his hand down on the alarm clock. he sighs, reaching over to your side of the bed. he knew that it was going to be another hopeless day of waiting for any calls and messages from you.

he attempted to grab more of the blanket and a pillow from your side but was met with something; someone already there. dazai jumps back surprised, not expecting anybody to be sleeping there. since it was still dark out, he couldn't really make out the shadowy person on his bed.

"hn.. dazai?" you groan, feeling him poke at your side. when you got no answer, you turned around in concern to see an upright dazai staring down at you in shock. "dazai?" you question him, slowly sitting up.

"you- you're back.."

you stare at him in confusion, "uh- i've been here?" he stares back. you could see the glisten in his eyes despite it being dark out. "dazai?" — "i'm sorry." he cries out all of a sudden.

you were being tackled onto your back, "what- dazai?! what's wrong??" you caught yourself before you fell off the bed, quickly wrapping your arms around him as you massaged his head.

"dazai! answer me!" you say, trying to push him off of you to no avail, "dazai!-" — "please don't leave." his voice was barely above a whisper, "just- stay. please. i'll talk to you.. when i'm ready."

you could tell he was in hysterics. you didn't know the reason why or how he came to be, but you laid there, giving his back and head gentle massages. "okay, i'll be right here with you then. you gave him a gentle kiss on his head, holding him in your embrace.

°° ©churuai ; don't repost my works to other sites, copy/plagiarize my works, or translate my works into a different language without my permission. if you intend to use most of my ideas from a post of mine, please don't forget to credit ♡

rbs and comments appreciated <3<3

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd x reader #dazai x reader #dazai #bsd dazai #idk what else to put #this oneshot was so bad im sorry anon forgive me😭🙏 #[⋆⋆⋆] — runi's works ♡ #[☆] — anon