#this is by far the ffirst time

[carmenlire]

I hate my job. forget all the usual complaints about people telling me they don't have inboxes while logged into gmail and the website they need to go to is actually an email address but I just.

I was helping this guy and it was just a regular interaction, with him being moderately annoying as is usual. well at the end of me scanning his papers he, out of nowhere says "wow ur so beautiful." and in my head I'm just yelling fuck!!!! because whyyyyy do men do this shit, especially when I'm at work like u r nothing but a customer to me and I will happily forget you the second I walk away. and ofc tonight my manager is working and she's like 5 feet away at the computer desk so like double fml. it's just so awkward and I feel so put on the spot and gross, you know?

well I just say thank you and take a step back (because again the interaction is done) and he doesn't take a hint but instead goes on to ask me if I have a boyfriend. I just say no and walk away.

and coworkers always say I should just lie and say yes but 1) I'm very weird about lying even as an adult and 2) something in me just resists saying I have a boyfriend so much. I'd (almost??) rather say I have a girlfriend but obviously i'm not doing that at work. idk it's almost like it feels more dishonest to say yes i have a boyfriend? but also i said no take a hint!

he didn't take a hint. he called me back over by saying he needed help with something else, which whatever, but no!! he said "u said no what does that mean. do you have a man or not" and again my manager is right there and it's so quiet in the library and i just said no again. and he pressed me AGAIN and finally i just said "i'm not having this conversation with you" and inside i was shaking? hmm that may be too much but i was just so deeply uncomfortable. and the minute i said that i feel like he got pissed-- and i saw my manager whip her head over to me. i just walked away and went to the workroom and my manager came in a few minutes later and was extremely supportive.

i just feel so gross about it all. why do men do this at work?? where i can't escape?? where my customer service rebels against the very idea of being firm or doing anything that a customer could view negatively even if rationally i know that me and my wellbeing? my sense if self? comes first (even if i know it isn't that deep).

tonight was the first time i've said no and walked away and also the first time i said point blank i'm not having this conversation. it felt good even if doing so was almost unbearably embarrassing? i was sitting in the back after my manager talked to me and i just felt. . . embarrassed.

and i KNOW this is wrong but i feel so self conscious like- do i dress provocatively at work? is it my fault? are coworkers judging me for my appearance like i'm inviting this to happen, like i want men to hit on me? i wanna ask a coworker if they think i should dress more conservatively but i was literally wearing black dress pants, a black sweater, and loafers. but were my clothes too tight? am i a complete unprofessional?

and then the whole queer thing is an entirely separate dimension. i tweet about it to vent when it happens but just-- the idea that men perceive me in such a way, especially when i am never aware of it, when i am doing nothing to cater to them, just makes me so uneasy. every time a guy hits on me at work i feel betrayed almost? like we are just customer service worker and customer. i literally dislike 99% of all people i talk to at work. and when they do this it just makes me feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me and the question of boyfriend just kinda makes my skin crawl.

#i know it isnt that deep #a guy hit on me at work #this is by far the ffirst time #idk i feel like im spiraling a bit over it #part of it was that he was so fucking pushy and i actually pushed back #bc i usually play the gane abd kindly say no i dont want their number #but i have been pissed all day and him doing that just irritated me so deeply i was able to be #confident enough to just shut him down but then he didnt take no as an answer! #plus my manager was there which definitely made it worse #and idk... its just weird when guys hit on me in general bc i have so many issues with being wanted (however much its just a cheap hit) #and all that jazz... like me? literally why lol im so painfully not attractive why is a stranger doing this rn.... #whatever i just got home and am ginna read a txt fic to decompress #me

[bisexual-horror-fan]

So this blog talks in depth quite a bit about the horror boys' kinks/turn ons/etc. But what about their specific turn offs/things they'd refuse to do? You don't have to do them all if you don't want to as that would be time consuming af, so if you wanted to focus on Freddy, Billy Loomis, Stu Macher, Michael Myers, and a fifth horror boy of your choice be my guest.

HEY! So ffirst off it has been a min since I have heard from you, so happy to see you back! 

I had to think about this because I have never seriously considered their turn offs before, so thank you for that seriously! A fun brain teaser for me. Let’s get into it!

Freddy Krueger: Never fake it with this man. He is the one who lies and tricks and decieves YOU not the other way around. If he finds out that you have been lying to him about THAT? Ooof. There is no coming back from that. No fun “Well let’s fix that-” Nuh-uh ya done. 

Billy Loomis: Sharing? With any one other than Stu is a big no go. He is jealous as fuck, he is no cuck, hates the idea of anyone else having you in any capacity, major turn off, he will not share you with anyone else, Stu is the extremely welcome exception, not the rule. 

Stu Macher: Degradation. Nope, not happening, no way. Boy lives off praise and validation, do not be mean to him like that, he is too sentistive and his poor heart cannot handle it. Treat him sweet, it’s one thing to be a bit playful, teasing and mocking but actually degrading is way too fucking far and will not end well.

Michael Myers: I don’t write for him but let’s be honest, anything that is too soft or intimate is not happening. I imagine as many people do that he gets off on violence and aggression. Vanilla? HA! Don’t bring that weak shit around him. Softest you will get is when he is fucking tired as hell like first thing in the morning and half asleep still or if you tie him down and force that softness on him. But you will pay for it later. 

Fifth boy of my choice hmmm. How about-

Buddy Swanson: He is down for so much stuff that at first glance it would be hard to figure out what he WOULDN’T be into. But you know what he isn’t into? Role play. After all his history with theater he had some complex feelings tied up with it and ultimately while he is dramatic as hell and whether he admits it or not he IS a theater kid he doesn’t like it. He says it feels too much like performing to him. To each their own I suppose. 

Legit thank you so much for this ask, I loved it a lot!

#BHF asks #fandom-trash-247 #Good to hear from ya! #This is fun #Turn offs for once #Something different #BHF headcannons

[sargecommander]

Iim actually playin' ACNH ffor the first time ever!! So fars its really cute;!! It waz worth it--

I aaslo got cuphead, for the memories n stuff;;! Im excited to just starts it !! But i wanna try out acnh ffirst!

Nnow i can play more funky cool ggames tthan just splatoon 2 B)

#joe melts

[boficionado-a2]

177,120

@restrainedcontrol​

His life the last few weeks had been unexpectedly busy. From the moment he’d opened his eyes, gagging uncomfortably on the tubes down his throat, family and friends had been in and out. There’d been hugs, gentle touches to his head. Words that, early on, never quite sank in... and later the reveal that his injury was far more critical, and he would never walk again.

Right now, the thought seemed secondary. He was at least alive, resting in his bed, fiddling with a wire puzzle Mikey had brought for him. His fingers were clumsy on the device, but at least it distracted him from the fact that one brother had been suspicious in his absense.

Raphael hadn’t come by since the first time he’d visited.

It hadn’t bothered him at first. The second son was prone to finding alternative ways to let out his anger. But as time wore on, he began to get worried. It wasn’t until tonight, when he found himself almost uncomfortably alone for the first time in the weeks since he’d woken up, that his brother decided to finally alleviate that problem.

Raph had dragged himself through the door and closed it behind him, depositing himself roughly in the chair next to his younger brother before reaching out to take his hand, And for several moments, he didn’t talk.

Donnie kept a close eye on him, but he did finally set aside the wire puzzle, instead focusing on his brother’s hands as they curled around his own.

“Rrr- Raph? Is ev- everything okay?”

There was no response at first, but finally, Raph spoke up, turning those bright green eyes on his younger brother with a small, sharp frown. “Why’d you do it, Donnie? The... this. All of it.”

After a couple of blinks, Donnie slowly arched his brow. “I didn’t- I didn’t exactly set out t-t-... to get exploded into a car.”

“That’s not what I meant. You pushed me and Mikey out ahead of you, and because of that, you-... You knew the place was going up, but you didn’t tell me! I couldn’t- why didn’t you let me just-”

“Protect me?” His snout scrunched up slightly even as Raph looked away, but a tired smile drifted over Donnie’s face, his hand curling tighter around his older brother’s. This was the way Raph was. He didn’t always show his affection outwardly, but he loved his brothers a lot. He showed that by gentle roughhousing, and he showed it by trying to protect them from anything that would dare to hurt them. Of course he would see this as a failure. “But- but- but you ddd- did protect me.”

Now it was Raph’s turn to scrunch up his snout, focusing his gaze on his little brother, frown deepening. “You’re paralyzed, Don. I don’t think that counts as protected.”

Donnie shrugged, glancing off to the side, never once releasing Raph’s hand. “Wwww- ww- well yeah. But I’m alive, a- aren’t I? I push- I pushed you and Mikey out ffirst because I- I had to protect Mike. Aaaa- and I knew you’d get us home okay. I knnnnew we’d be safe with you.” His grip tightened. “And I was right. We’re home. And www- we’re safe.”

Raph stared at Donnie as he spoke, and he took a moment to blink against the hot tears threatening to build up in his eyes. “I just did my best, little brother. I’m just- I’m glad you’re alive. I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

“Lll- lean too heavy on Seb, for one- for one thing.”

The pair dissolved into quiet laughter at that, and Raph finally worked a hand free to pull Donnie closer, resting their heads together. His other hand shifted to find the pulse in his brother’s wrist, like it had so many times during his long, horrible coma.

He was alive... alive because he’d carried him home. He would do it a thousand more times to hear him laugh like this. That would have to be enough.

#╰ a writer is someone who has taught their mind to misbehave ☣ writing ╮ #╰ phantom pains and circadian rhythm ☣ v: main ╮ #((so fun fact there are 177120 minutes between May and August #the rough period of time - give or take a few days - Donnie was in his coma))

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Roman and Logan's Dark Strange Son for your newest ask post thing.

1: I had an idea about Logan and Roman adopting a baby version of Deceit (because Roman found him and Dee imprinted on him and baby Dee loves Logan and calls him Mama) and deciding to raise him better than the dark sides could.

2: The very first part with Patton commenting on Deceit not being worthy enough of being a light side. Ffirst time I’ve started the story at the beginning too)

3: I can’t decide between ‘Virgil woke up and toddled downstairs after Roman to the coffee machine pawing at it like it would know what he wanted.’ from chapter 2 and ‘He jumped around a bit and rolled on his bed a bit to let out his excitement.’ from chapter 5

4: “Hate to burst your bubbles, babes but you’ve got me on speaker and had me here for about an hour now.“ from chapter 6. When writing it, I couldn’t stop laughing.

5: The flashback at the beginning of chapter 7 because it’s from an experience one of my best friends went through and I was in the position of Virgil. I could barely get through it without crying (I did).

6: The amount of research that has been put into making it as realistic as possible is much higher than all the others I’ve currently done (because I don’t want to screw it up and get yelled at).

7: Patton calls Virgil his dark strange son in part 2 of Accepting Anxiety and I want Roman and Logan to claim their own dark, strange son in the form of Deceit.

8: The depictions of PTSD and abusive relationships came from my best friend Shannon because she’s been through an abusive realtionship and still has some PTSD from it. Boogey is based off my boyfriend, Sam’s service dog, Sydney. But not other than that.

9: Various. So many scrapped chapters I have to check them before I post them.

10: I wanted a functional love triangle while also not being too overboard. (Plus it felt wrong to leave Virgil lonely while everyone else was with someone else.)

11: I’ve never been so popular, let alone have I ever been told so many times that my writing is anything but a time-consuming ‘hobby’, even though I hope to eventually make it into a career path. I honestly didn’t think I’d get this far with so many people saying they love my writing.

12: The fact that I couldn barely decide a direction to go at first after the initial outline I’d made.

13: I have YouTube playlists for each chapter I plan to put up soon hopefully.

14: That Deceit isn’t the incarnate of evil and that there may be other reasons that he acts the way he does.

15: Trying to draw for this AU is harder than I originally thought, even though I want to draw so badly even though I have no clue how to draw anything except stick figures and lopsided circles.

#sanders sides #snoweyreblogs #roman and logan's dark strange son #ask meme

[sevenplayers]

SEVEN PLAYERS: 2017 VS 2018 

how time flies! Did you know it’s only been this long since I started this dumb project? We started in April 2017. See how far we’ve come!

I recently finished the latest batch of message sprites, and decided to compare them to the ffirst time I made a reference for each of these chars...So basically the first time I ever drew them at all. Merc is a special case, as I drew him prior to adding him to SP, but he still counts.

Thank you all so much for the support for 19 months now. It means a lot!

#seven players #renpy visual novel #renpy #renpy game #adachi kei #ueto mitsunari #uchino hakino #uchi hakino #deguchi taki #obi tazu #merc #joker #valletta

[imaginethesepeople-blog]

Dating I.M/Changkyun

(for @mawwtothepotato)

Shownu ver // Jooheon ver // Minhyuk ver // Changkyun ver // Wonho ver // Kihyun ver // Hyungwon ver //

-He’s really awkward when it comes to asking you out

- He’s probably liked you for a real long time

- He kind off just had enough of admiring you from a far and asked you out

- ffirst date was adorable in a little cafe trying random drinks and pasteries

- You would be his inspiration for everything he writes

- competitive gaming

- He’d stand infront of the screen so you couldn’t see anything, cheating like that

- Not knowing what to do when you’re upset, just kind of pats your shoulder “There, there. Everything will be okay.” 

- small kisses everywhere when your doing random things

- He doesn’t do it really on deliberate,just a habbit

- Pretty explosive when you two argue. He says a lot of things he doesn’t mean because he doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings

- Apologizes in weird ways, like giving you a bowl of letter tomato soup with the letters arranged saying “I’m sorry” 

- He doesn’t know how to tell you he loves you, so his actions prove it for you. 

-When he does say “I love you” you better cherish it because it’s taken him a long time to say.

- Likes being the little spoon when you cuddle

- You two getting teased by the others because “OUR MAKNAE’S IN LOVE” 

NSFW

- Inexperienced at first

- but after a few times starts really paying attention to what makes you feel good.

- TEASE

- will tease the life out of you until you’re begging

- DIRTY TALK

- he has a deep voice and puts it to use

- 60% dom

- 40% sub

#monsta x #monsta x reaction #monsta x scenario #monsta x smut #changkyun reaction #changkyun scenario #changkyun smut

[notyourcityyc]

In My Life

https://notyourcity.nyc/in-my-life/

 IN MY LIFE

 IN MY LIFE

 ARTISTS

As a 15 year old child growing up in New York City, I was accustomed to a looser set of restrictions upon my personal agency than many other children, and I was exposed to opportunities that did not exist for many other children. I believed it was my right to drink as deeply from the cup of life as I could, by virtue of having had the good fortune to be born into a position of opportunity. This was a mentality echoed by my peers as we began using drugs and drinking, but not by my mother as I began to naturally arrange my priorities according to my interests. I awoke the morning of January the 31st, 2011 to find two hulking goons standing in my doorway, as one of them tossed me a bag of clothes and told me to get up and come with them. They told me they would handcuff me if I didn’t do what they wanted. My mom stood silently in my hallway and didn’t say a word as I left for the next 16 months.

 When I touched down in Atlanta, GA, my plane goon transferred me to a different pair of goons. These ones were called Cecil and Paul. They took me to Chick-Fil-A. Then they took me to a remote wilderness outpost where I was made to strip and squat in front of them, coughing once to dislodge any potential insertables from my rectum. My clothes and belongings were put in a box, and I was fitted in a red Gildan tee, khaki pants, hiking shoes and a 60lb pack. They made me sign some forms and enroll as the newest member of Second Nature Wilderness Program, Blue Ridge. Cecil and Paul drove me through the woods for about an hour before coming to a stop on the side of a dark mountain road. Two neon parkas emerged from the trees to walk me to G6, the group of drug addict boys. I was told that I was on ‘Earth Phase’ and would not be allowed to enter the group until I had completed my coursework and a minimum of 24 hours had passed. I was handed a packet and placed under a tarp away from the group of bearded teens. I stayed there the whole night, watching the campfire, thinking about my life, until the rain got bad and they brought me into the middle. That was where we slept that night, under the Big Blue tarp. In my subsequent 19 weeks in the program that never happened again.

 Second Nature Wilderness Program is a behavioral modification treatment option for at-risk youth. Children as young as 12 were enrolled in the pediatric version of the program, called Footsteps. There was a voluntary treatment option for adults called Second Nature Entrada in Utah. Maybe there still is. Being 15 I was just past the cutoff to be in the teen drug addict group, where I was classified as an addict and surrounded by a milieu of similarly classified teenagers. The classification is important because that otherization was the central justification for why we were unable to be responsible for our own lives and the center was morally obliged to correct us for our poor parents. Any sort of defiance or contradictory opinion was met with a swift condemnation of the addict that made you say that. We were reduced to barely feeling automatons expected to adapt to change without attachment and accept any consequences outside our control. I did extraordinarily well in some aspects of that. Some of the moments I spent in the woods were the only peaceful ones I’d had in a while.

 Life was extremely regulated in the G6 society. Every day there was a rotating list of group jobs, that proceeded according to how long a member had been in the group. Each group member was given a number that advanced as the oldest members left. We called out our numbers in order to identify to staff that we hadn’t run away as we used the bathroom, every 3-5 seconds. There was a piss tarp and shit tarp. In addition to group jobs such as meal prep in which everyone had a designated function, there were group tasks such as camp set up and breakdown that we accomplished in timed cycles. We would be given rewards for meeting objectives within timed constraints, and consequences for going over. This required us to foster an atmosphere of productivity and community, and gave members opportunities to display leadership by actions and speech. We were not allowed to know the time. Thinking about the future was discouraged. Trying to ‘information gather’ or otherwise exert control over your situation was set up as a no win prospect. We were not allowed to conduct conversations out of earshot of staff. We were not allowed to be out of sight for any period of time besides when we used the bathroom or went to bed. Staff collected our boots at night so that we couldn’t run away.

 In Fire Phase a group member was expected to learn how to bust a fire with sticks. By bow-drilling using material collected from the environment we made all of our group meals and fires. White pine made the spindles, long flexible sticks the bows, pine or sage or cedar the fireboards (we only got pine). We used hand-shredded poplar bark, called nesting, for kindling. In fire phase you were expected to carve your own wooden spoon to eat with. We used bear gloves to handle knives and fire. Food was stored in bear bags, which were each collected at the end of the night and strung up over a tree to deter predators. I loved throwing the bear knot successfully, yelling my name for 45 minutes while I tried to loop it between two branches.

 Days, weeks, months of my life here. Hidden behind a wave of nostalgia and grief. I felt implicitly the premium of my youth slipping away. At 3 weeks I was told I was not going home. No one went home. Aftercare was the de facto recommendation of our therapist Lu Vaughn. A former drugaddict, she was a big book thumping god fearing hurricane of bullshit-calling out. She had snow white hair and clear blue eyes. The first time she met me she played Styx - Angry Young Man from her speaker. I was mad at my mom. I was mad at the world for sending me here. I had lost control of a situation that I thought was sacrosanct. I was reeling and scared. I ran with her dog up and down the hills faster than anyone, she said that’s when she knew I was a crazy person.

 In My Life

 In my life, I've felt like the odd one out. I was always too hyper, too aggressive, too much for adults to handle. Trouble seemed to follow me wherever I went. I was a socially awkward mess, too smart for my own good and ignorant of how people were supposed to act.

When I Was in th3rd

When I was in 3rd grade, I began seeing a psychiatrist. I was also put on medication. At the time, I didn't know why it was happening, but it made me feel like I had a problem, and I was ashamed when I saw someone takem my medications. I was always angry. I still don't know why, but when something made me mad I would have the urge to be violent. The only way to fully satisfy tha urge was to hit someone. It was verye asy to make me angry

In the beginning of 6th grade, my parents divocred. 3 weeks before, my mother told me she didn't love my father. Even so, I was shocked. That began a depression thaat lasted about a year, for both my brtoehr an I. My mom dind't try to confort me, she was satactly. and we were sad. 6th grade is a blur of aggression and anger, I hated authority and made very few friends, I kep tthe dicvocere I asecret. I'm stil noot sure why.

My mom and I never had a good relationship. I was always the problem child. I wasn't helped when I got hurt and I was punished more than my brother and sister. Even now, despite the fact that my brother and I both smoke and drink, I was the only one t o go to rehab, and the only one to com ehere. My mom is bipolar, like me. She is irrationall and stubborn, and in my opinion a flawed parent. She is a pushover in some ways, and far too obstinate where she shouldn't be. Given the choice, I would gladly live away from her. When I was younger, she made me feel like I was an outcast, a weirdo with problems that no one else has, and it was my fault. She made me feel unloved, and I was. When I became too big of a problem and made her life too hectic, she has no problem cuttin gme losoe.

I missed a lot

of school. Many days in 7th grade, and many in 8th grade. When I started to miss days in 8th grade, my mom had enough. She sent me to Long island to live with my dad. 3weeks or so fatter I had arrived, she put the house we were ivinging in on the market, knowing that my dad had no job and that he was the one paying the mortgage the past 2 years. Eventually, she found a buyer, and my dad and I moved into a room in a man's house, where he lived with a woman we knew as "pink". There was only one bed so we slept together

Throughout my time in that house, IU fell deepr into depression. I had developed social anxiety, and found it almost impossible to make friends in my new school. I began to miss days again, and the school let me stop coming in, on groups of 'emotional illness'? I was sedentary, spending days on end in that small room. I had been stick thin my whol elife for the ffirst time I began to wain geith. My bipolar episodes gerw more frequent, I lashed out at my dad. I didn't see my sister for 3 months. Eventually, I went back to school. I finished the last couple of months. I still failed to make friends

 in the summer, I went to camp in the city, for the first time in years. I was happy, I lived with my mother again. Careful to beo on my best behavior. I made friends again, I became close with my twin brother again. Things seemed to be going right. Miraculously, I was able to convince my mom to take me back. My dad was very hurt, but I knew it wawsm y only chance for happiness. In another miracle, I was able to get into a good school, despite my absences and poor grades. Things were finally looking up.

At Elanor Roosevelt High SChool, I discovered drugs. I quickly became a frequent pot smoker, using it was a bway to mond with my newfound friends. I slowely developed social skills again, and even got myself a girlfriend, cameill. all the while, I smoked, and I drank. I couldn't have been happier. Gradually, I began smoking more and more frequentlyu. It became a daily routine. Marijuana recatwed with the medications. I took, and givngme potent fvisual hallucinations and experiences I can't even put into words, I got much higher than my friendsearning me ntickmame "crackhead ed"Graduall, I fell inl ove with CAmille, she was depressive too, had afewtimeswasoveral" dammaged goods" she had been it was my job to help. And I did, I put large emoungs into making her better. Gradually, I began to see results. Once I began to love her, it seemed our relationship took a turn for the worse. She began to have doubts, and became more depressed. When we broke up, the following day I stayed home from school and tried ecstasy. I had been sold fake pills, so it didn't do very much for me. WE got back together several times, but it ddn't last. She had changed, possibley because of me.

MY LIFE

EDWARD BROE2/1/11

 NOTYOURCITYYC, NOTYOURCITYYC, NOTYOURCITYYC, NOTYOURCITYYC NOTYOURCITYYC, [email protected]

#notyourcityyc #slainbabyyc