#things4said
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I had a weird dream about a broken gas candle?
Are we ever gonna talk about that Karl dream or what?
You are obsessed.
What are we gonna do about this compliments thing, Flare?
Dammit, Four. Fuck.
You want to feel valued.
Sure, doesn't anyone?
We're not talking about 'anyone.' We're talking about you.
What's uhm. The difference?
The difference is that you're responsible for meeting your needs.
That's...
What?
What needs?
Girl, you are doing this denial dance thing and it is pissing me off. Can you please focus?
No.
Why?
It's uncomfortable. I don't have needs. I'm fine.
You're not, though.
I'm good. I'm fine.
Flare.
What?
I know it's frustrating. This feelings thing.
I just don't get it! I try and I try and I try and it never gets easier! I can't like feel a feeling and instantly know what it is and then fucking summon a personification of it and talk to it. Do you know how scary it is?! To acknowledge yourself? What if it doesn't like you?!
I like you.
That's... you're programmed to.
Emillie likes you.
Barely.
Lots of people like you.
Not enough.
Shhh...
You're gonna be okay.
I'm not, though. They're gonna mob up and get me.
No, they're not.
Yes, they are. It happened before and it'll happen again.
With the amount of times that it has happened, you'd think you know how to deal with it.
I do know how to deal with it. It's just extremely painful.
Can you keep remembering this pain for me?
Uhm. Sure.
Now if you were to describe the feeling, what would you say?
I don't know. It's kind of red? A red-ish tint. I kinda feel it in my chest and my upper arms.
What do you think is the value behind this pain?
The value for my safety. But also like. I don't know. That's not the whole story, y'know? Like I know what they say has to be true just because it keeps happening. Maybe I'm just a bad egg, y'know. Just inherently. Something is off with this one, y'know? And it's not worth it to fix. Just throw it away and start over. We don't care enough about her, she's disposable.
And what would you say if someone told you this to your face?
That they're probably right.
And what if they said the same thing about me?
Holy shit, Four! I will not let anyone say this about you! Are you crazy? You're literally the best thing to ever happen to this world. 'Disposable'? Fuck, I /will/ kill them.
Now say this to you.
What, you want me to lie?
Not exactly. I want you to have a conversation.
Okay... dear me....
*nods*
I wouldn't let anyone say this about you. You're not disposable. And you're not a bad egg. You're the most valuable thing in the world to me.
(Sure doesn't feel like it.)
*cringes and looks at Four*
Things that are true don't always feel like they are.
(If it wasn't true, then why do we have a whole history of being treated like it is.)
Honey, humans are not the beacons of truth. They are wrong.
I don't believe you. (I don't believe you.)
Think on it for me.
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Fuck, dude. Why am I so sexy?
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Well, obviously she doesn't feel good about it. It's all fucked up in there.
Think about it as setting up a kit. The kit doesn't make the task complete, but it puts you in a position to easily complete the task when it happens.
Oh. Like the morning routine when it wasn't finished. We slowly started adding more things and then it started doing a lot for our mood.
Yes!
Oh. Oh! Yeah, I feel better about it.
I'm glad.
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Four: Realistically, do you think, lyke, you and I could be, lyke, lovers?
Flare: There's no way.
Four: I think if you worked on lyke...
Flare: Me? Worked?
Four: Yeah <_<
Flare: What am I working on?????
Four: You gotta work on some things, Falafel.
Flare: What do I have to work on?
Four: Relationships are work. Everyone needs to work a little bit.
Flare: Okay.
Four: If you... just worked on y'know uhm...
Flare: How about the positives? Wanna list the positives first? You're going straight-
Four: (Straight?)
Flare: -to "work"?
Four: I'll list all the positives, if you want me to. -
Flare: No.
Four: -But we'll be here for a couple of hours ;)
Flare: Oh yeah, now you're trying to dig yourself out of your hole?
Four: I'm not digging anything out of anything!
Flare: You're sleeping on the couch.
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Do you think it's a good idea?
Maybe... I don't know. We have to get it over with eventually. Might as well rip the bandaid off.
Do you think it's a good idea?
I think it would make our lives easier. Instead of tip-toeing around it.
I mean. If we can't tell our therapist about our experiences, then who can we really tell.
I mean. If you trust her, then, I'll follow your lead.
She.... seems pretty okay.
I'll just... let her know....
Hey. Whatever you say, goes.
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What are you so scared of?
Failure.
Failure is necessary, Flare.
But I'm the leader. If I fail....
Then what?
I dunno.
Then you try again.
Will you guys forgive me?
Yes???? Lol Flarichka everyone loves you. So much.
You hate me. Or the things I do at least.
Yes, because you don't listen. To me.
Not because you failed.
... I don't want to let you guys down. I'm kind of a screw up.
I don't care. I love you, screw up, screw down, screw me-
Stop XDD
Here. Hug me. Mwah. I love you. My stupid, fucked up, idiot moirail.
You love me?
Yeah.
Even if I screw up?
Flare, we grew up together. You've already screwed up. Majorly. And so did I. C'mon.
Okay. You sure, though?
No, yeah, you're on your last chance, cunt. One more fuck up and I'm dumping you.
Pffhahahaha.
I love you. Promise. I'd love you more if you actually tried, Lazy.
Okay.
Okay?
Wait wait wait. You're right. I fucked up a lot growing up.
Yup. Don't have to tell me twice.
And you're still with me?
Eh. I.....like you. A lot. You give me something no one else ever has. And you love how I reciprocate it. And you think I'm sexy.
>/////> ahem.
S'good enough reason for me as any.
Thinking you're sexy?
No, the other stuff, stupid! That's it, I'm literally breaking up with you.
Nah.
Nah? What, us systemmates don't have free will anymore?
Nah, you don't want to.
No, I think I want to.
Well, you can't, I have your ring.
... Okay I'm not breaking up with you.
Ever.
Ever.
Okay.
Uhm. Love you.
So much.
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Thanks, King. Love you.
Any time, angel. Muwah.
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Lol humans are so dumb.
...
I'm going to commit mass murder.
Whoa. Okay. Big agree, first of all. But before we do that, do you want to talk about it first? Maybe we don't have to go through the trouble and just fix it in house?
....
Did something a human say make you upset, angel?
*nod* :(
Oh, I know.
I'm trying so hard to be nice to them and make friends and then this happens.
I know, sweetie.
Now here's what we're gonna do? We have a few options here, okay? Kill them all.
*sighs*
Draw a boundary. Or self-regulate.
Self regulate would be the best option, huh?
Takes less work, too, sweetie.
So how... how do we do that?
Okay, how about you tell me how you feel, angel?
Upset.
Good! Look at you already 3 steps ahead! Good job! I'm proud of you!
>u>
Alright-y angel. Are you upset because you feel unsafe?
Kind of. Yes.
And what kind of unsafe do you feel?
Like I'm going to get hurt. Feelings-wise.
I know that takes a lot of energy out of you and throws your routine off, huh?
Yeah.
And do you think there is something you can do to make you feel less upset so it doesn't take up so much time?
Yeah, stimming to music.
Hey, there you go!
Four.
Yes, angel.
Sometimes I don't realize I'm upset and that ends up wasting a lot of time.
That can get annoying, huh.
Yeah.
How do you know you're upset right now?
Uhm. I'm flahsbacking and distracted and it's really hard for me to tell if I'm at high energy or low energy.
Maybe flashing back could be a hint of being upset. Maybe just in case you can listen to some music?
Four.
Yes, angel.
Uhm I feel really frustrated that the humans make fun of me so much.
Yeah, I would be, too.
But I guess sometimes I forget I'm not like them.
*nods*
They make me feel that it's not okay to be myself.
*nods* Do you feel like it's not okay to be yourself?
... :|
Maybe.
Is there something you can do to reaffirm that it's okay to be yourself?
Maybe... convince myself that.... the only way to actually meet my goals is to take things easy and use the techniques I learned. But I still... kind of get too much into character.
So if it's a character that we're playing, we can't lose ourselves in it.
Hm.
Why do you think the persona comes out and you stay in?
Because it's not safe for me.
Hm.... yeah. Is there something that can make you feel more safe?
Being out?
Really?
No...
I don't want to go that direction. Maybe it's not the best.
Cutting contact?
That's kind of tricky.
Being more vague about cooking stuff?
We can do that.
Hm. Maybe we could.
It's a little tricky, right? Because when humans talk to you, they don't actually want you to answer honestly. They want to hear what they want to hear. The persona doesn't have to tell the truth.
I don't really want to lie. I thought I was making friends.
Do you want to be friends with people who are ableist towards you and always watch what you say around them?
No....
Well there you go. You don't have to be everyone's friend.
But I have to be the boss's friend...? Right?
Maybe the persona does. You don't.
Hm....
But then I feel more lonely.
Having bad friends isn't the way to fix that, is it?
No.
Emillie. You are incredibly smart, skilled professional, resourceful, and stable. You learn and adapt incredibly well. You don't have to worry about them. You really don't. Someday, we're gonna make it, and it will all be just a distant dream.
It means I have to run away again.
Run away or run towards?
Mm.
Right, angel?
Sure, King. <u<
You are worth finding someone who respects your disability and doesn't make you feel like shit for it. You deserve better than them. Hm?
Yeah, you're right, King.
They don't know. Stupid humans who just don't know.
Yeah. Okay.
Run towards someone better, okay? I love you.
Okay :)
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You guys are crazy. How on Earth is this fun?
*shrug*
*shrug*
We just think it's funny. Romantic. Exciting.
Why don't I ever get to feel like that?
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Why do you think that's there?
Uh. Well. You know why.
Tell me. In detail.
Well, it has to be a work.
Okay, that's work. I understand.
And it's... I can't... do that again.
Do what again?
Jesus Four, you're killing me.
Say it.
Feel that pain again. It just hurts so much. I never want to feel it again, King. It hurts. It hurts.
It hurt. As in, in the past.
Yeah, but I'm hurting now.
Why?
Well I just can't. It's not safe.
It's safe.
Do you promise?
Yeah, it's safe.
But I need to....if I don't then... I need to.
If you don't then...
I'm letting the pain be controlled by them.
Factual.
I don't know if I'm safe.
So lets assess.
...
We have work. We know that one is forced.
Okay.
What's the other situation.
Brother.
And what's up with that?
Well... I think he's fine.
Okay what is your goal with the whole thing here?
I feel like I'm not paying attention to them.
Are your needs being met?
No...
Okay, which need is one that needs to be met?
Acceptance.... I can't reveal myself unless I know it's safe.
So you're not paying attention to them, because you can't let them pay attention to you. So you're constantly re-checking if you're okay and making sure you are.
So which one is someone you want to pay attention to?
Uhm. Am I choosing someone on the internet or....
Well, let's start anywhere and see where we go from there.
I guess... one person I want to pay attention to is... maybe someone who already likes me.
Okay, so we have a small list start with! That's great!
Yay.
Let's pick.... this one.
Well. I need someone to like me who can take care of me in turn. Otherwise I'm just wasting energy.
Interesting. How do you know if someone can take care of you?
I don't know, I think that's the problem.
Okay, so which need needs to be taken care of?
Energy.
Alright so another person won't have any insight to your energy, so you will have to find a way to express it. We could have a script?
How about "I really appreciate your engagement but my energy level isn't appropriate for this conversation right now. Can I have a moment to decide what I need to do next"?
How's that?
Sounds good, Em!
Okay. And I use it for people that like me, I guess?
I guess so.
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Thinking more about it. Leaving would actually be pretty easy for us since we now have a lot of confidence in our skills.
The smart move would be to stay actually. As long as we can. Just to take advantage of rent and food and shit. But in that case we won't have the pain to deal with.
Four, you are crazy.
Flare would think so, too.
Hey, don't put words in my mouth!
So what do you think Flare?
Four's strategy is definitely valid...
Though we won't have the ability to buy the tools that we need.
Good point.
And I also don't think we would leave as soon as possible. I do think staying away from there was smart.
Okay so what's the strat?
For what?
If we were back there again.
Four, we're not.
... wait. You're right. What's our strat now?
Uh? Whatever Emillie wants.
I just want to do my best? We have our to-do list. I want to make it big on Twitch?
How does that sound, Four?
Uh sounds... sounds good. Sounds good.
Is there something else you want to do?
Uh yeah. We're not big on Twitch yet, huh.
No... gotta take care of the car.
Disappointing.
Yeah...
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Y'know Flare is always lyke "I'm such a poor weak boy" yet their paranoia is the one keeping us all back in square one. Just fucking release it, Flare!
I did! Shut up!
Not without a fight.
Stop complaining! You got what you wanted!
No. I need to you understand how important this stuff is. The walls echo, Flare.
I know, I made the walls, Emillie.
Then you should know, this is important. You are our strongest systemmate. Whether you want to be or not.
Don't- haha- don't. Be ridiculous.
*glares*
Okay, okay! I give myself to you. Is that what you want?
No. What I want is for you to get yourself to yourself.
That's stupid. I don't exist.
Then neither do I!
That's not- Okay. Stop. This isn't funny.
I'm not making fun.
This isn't a game.
I'm not playing.
Then why are you saying these things?
If you don't exist, neither do I. We're the same, remember.
Why do you guys keep saying that?
Because it's true.
Whatever! Whatever! Just stop saying it.
What's so bad about being us?
Being a person is hard, Emillie.
Well. This alternative is this. Us just covering for your denial.
It's kinda not really a choice, One.
No. No. You guys don't last. You don't survive.
And you do? Really? Remember junior year?
We're not talking about junior year.
You're not invulnerable, Flare. None of us are.
I thought, well, maybe together... we could be?
*shakes its head*
Oh c'mon. There's a reason we all have jobs.
Is... there?
Oh c'mon.
...
C'mon!
Look. I understand you want to stay alive. But that's a luxury, not a right.
Jesus. Four, are you listening to this?
What, you expect me to argue against that?
Emillie blatantly breaking the rules like this? Yeah!
This isn't breaking the rules, Flare.
C'mon! Guys! Didn't I go through enough- enough torture today?
They're doing it again.
I hear ya.
Look. My job is to keep us /alive/-
And then what? Mom?
Well, I gave you all jobs to fix things. So we could stay alive.
And then you get in our way? How does that work?
Look, I'm not-
You /are/ though.
Okay. Here, take the whole thing.
We don't want it. That's. Our. Point. You take it. You treat it right.
...
You treat it right.
... Okay.
Be honest with it, okay? We all have a job to do. And you need to back off. I think we're good.
Yeah, but... the humans, Emillie...
I'm trying to stay alive, too, Mom.
So what do we do?
We look. And we keep trying.
Trying-
/Trying./
And what if it's all a waste of energy?
This is not a waste of energy. It is worth every ounce. Isn't it.
I'm not so sure...
Yes. It is.
... thanks.
You're welcome.
I love you, angel.
You're in idiot, mom. But it's okay. I get it from you.
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Do I really fight you guys on everything?
Uh.
Kinda.
Well I fight you, Four, cuz you're insane.
Insanely sexy, you mean.
And also just insane. And Emillie. You're bossy.
So are you.
So are you.
Yeah, but I'm One.
Yeah and we're the system.
Okay. Fair.
Looks like all of us need to let down our walls a little.
I already gave in to your stupid request, leave me be.
*mocking* LeAvE mE bE.
*giggles*
I heard that!
Oh, they want me so bad.
Four, that's your wife.
Yeah....
Okay ew!
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I'm entertaining a new theory. What if Flare is non-human, not because they earned the favor of a god. What if they are a non-human because they are just too awful to be human. What if they're the worst human?
Emillie. You're being mean to your mother.
Did you ever admit you were wrong?
... It's not exactly black and white.
Until they're black, and you're white. Isn't it.
Listen.
To what? Your lies?
No! No.
Mhm.
Look, what's your end goal here, anyway?
Admit it.
No, angel.
Okay then you are a liar.
I do what I have to do to survive. Some of us take the safety of our system seriously.
So does pathology.
Is saying I'm sorry going to fix everything?
No, mom, but why can't you just say it? It's true isn't it?
It's kinda true.
Four!
Flare.
What- why are you guys ganging up on me all of a sudden?
Just say it and call it a night.
I do not apologize for loving my family.
What family?
What family?
Four...
Listen, lover. Family doesn't lie to family.
Four. Come on.
Just admit it, mom.
Why?
Flare, you're literally half-way there.
No.
Flare! Not in front of Emillie.
I'm not understanding the purpose of this.
Listen. Mom. The purpose of this is that walls are bad. You're good at building up walls-
I was wrong! Okay?
Okay.
I was wrong. I'm not always right. You're right, Four, I don't always know what I'm doing.
And this humans thing?
Maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe?
C'mon Emillie. They're humans.
No. Stop it.
Are you really on that side?
Ey's on our side.
Yeah, I'm on our side.
Why does everything have to turn into such a big fight with you, Flare? Things escalate because you refuse to give. Why are you against us, anyway? You love them more or something?
Wash your mouth!
Whatever, Flare. Then stop talking like it. The walls echo, y'know.
...
Do you really think there's something about them?
To be honest? No. I'll be surprised if I find it. But we owe it ourselves to look.
Seems like a useless endeavor.
Well, it's my job. So.
... Alright. Because it's your job. And I love you.
Thank you.
Thanks, Flare!
Silence mutt!
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Do you want to talk about what you and Flare were fighting over?
Why don't you talk to your wife?
Flare didn't mean to be rude about it.
That's not what I heard.
Emillie. You pushing back against being told what to do is exactly what Flare was doing earlier lol You guys are so similar you keep fighting each other on the silliest things.
I feel like I'm getting my hands dirty.
Yeah, but you're perfect for it. Our perfect link between gods and humans.
Shouldn't god take my side on this.
There is no side, you guys literally picked a fight with each other over nothing. Flare was right, swallow your pride and do the dirty work. They didn't have to say it so rudely, but they're still right.
Whatever.
Emillie. You're incredibly talented and we're proud of you. Flare isn't imposing anything on you, they're /relying/ on you. Because we can't do it.
Tell Flare to be nicer about it next time.
You're gonna have to talk to them about it.
Augh.
C'mon c'mon. Do it now, real quick. Make up.
Augh.
Flare.
Trouble maker.
I'm sorry. You're right. I do wish you would be nicer about it, next time, though.
How would you have liked me to phrase it?
I dunno. Maybe like, understand that it's just as difficult for me... as it is for you?
It's not difficult for me. I do it because I love you. Like you said earlier. The reality that you don't, makes us at odds.
Well, it's not easy for me to love myself. It's not easy for you, either.
That's... That has to do with my past.
I understand that! But it's hardly an excuse?
Hm. Alright. My bad, angel.
Okay, Mom. Let's not put ourselves so down that we put the other on a pedestal? We're all one and the same, yeah?
Agreed, angel. Thanks for talking to me.
Thanks for... thanks for listening.
*smiles*
Alright.
You guys are severely lacking in communication.
What, like they're better with you.
You're just as bad with me! You never come to me! I always have to hound you!
Fitting. For a dog.
Hey! Not your place lol Anyway, you guys need to spend some time together.
Yeah, well. No, you.
Yeah, well, I spent enough time with Flare lol I'm good.
Yeah, I'm sure you're 'good' for the next five minutes until you go fuck each other while I'm doing chores and shit.
We literally don't have sex that often but even if we did it would be none of you business.
TMI TMI TMI!
You brought it up!
And I'm ending it!
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I think personality is more why you do things, rather than what you do. And Flare always does things out of so much love and protectiveness and I think Four and I really enjoy that aspect.
And what's so despicable about the reason you do things?
Uhm Flare!
What?
You weren't supposed to turn that around on me!
Four does it all the time. Isn't that how you enjoy communicating?
Augh I mean it's fine it's just.... I didn't expect it from you.
Are you going to answer my question?
.....
*takes a deep breath*
I... don't do things out of love. I'm pretty yellow, don't you think?
I think we decided on rose gold?
Uhm.
Besides, you're allowed to be yellow. We gave you permission. Your job, like the rest of us, is to make yourself happy.
...
So. By being happy, you're benefiting the rest of us.
That's kind of fucked up, don't you think? Making me do the dirty work.
That's who you are, Ems. I didn't decide this. This is a purpose that needs to be fulfilled. And you are created to fulfill it.
...
I advise you take pride.
What, like you?!
Four takes pride for me.
Then Four shall do this for me, too!
Are you guys fighting again?
No. We're not fighting.
We're done.
What crawled up your ass?
Your wife is being a hypocrite again.
Pfff! Yeah, I love her.
... Whatever.
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