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welcometothepenumbra · 5 years

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JUNO STEEL AND THE PRINCE OF MARS (PART ONE)

SOUND: DOOR OPENS, BELL RINGS, RAIN.

MUSIC: STARTS.

CONCIERGE: Ah, good evening, Traveler! Welcome to The Penumbra. May I take your coat? You’ve picked an excellent place to spend the night, dear Traveler. The Penumbra is the grandest hotel this side of nowhere. Countless rooms and countless halls. Just look ahead of you. See the doors go on and on… even we aren’t sure how many there are, or what lies behind them all.

Will you be staying long? Many of our guests do. You’re in good company, Traveler. The Penumbra draws guests from everywhere and everywhen. And all of them have stories to tell. Stories that will excite you, delight you, and maybe even terrify you.

Don’t believe me? Well, see for yourself.

SOUND: KEYS JINGLING.

Detective Steel is at it again. This week he’s after a missing medicinal magnate. He’s dealt with plenty of missing persons before, and he says they all have one thing in common: the interesting part is never where the victims disappeared to, it’s what they left behind.

SOUND: THREE KNOCKS. CHIMES JINGLING.

What luck! It sounds like he’s in. Come, Traveler. Come with me into room J-13.

SOUND: DOOR CREAKING OPEN.

Juno Steel and the Prince of Mars.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

***

SOUND: GONG.

VOICE 1: Youth. Is there anything more precious than youth?

MUSIC: STARTS.

For thousands of years, humanity has searched for a way to bottle youth, focus, energy, power. We’ve searched for fountains, electricity, exercise, but never have we looked to the past… until now. My people, the ancient Martians, knew the secret to endless youth. Focus. Energy. Power. These were the traits of every Martian, from lowly workman to king and queen. And today, I, the Saffron Prince of Mars, bring you these secrets: Focus. Energy. Power. From the ancient Martian sands, we bring you: Kokayee-ne.

Koyakee-ne: the focus of a mystic; the energy of a child; the power of an ancient. Now available wherever prescriptions are sold.

Kokayee-ne: from my people to yours.

Kokayee-ne: from Saffron Pharmaceuticals.

MUSIC: ENDS.

SOUND: BUZZING, RADIO TUNING. CLICK.

JUNO: Damn ads get longer every day.

MUSIC: STARTS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Hyperion City: the only place in the galaxy where you can buy a dime bag from a prince, all from the comfort of your personal vehicle. It’s convenient, sure.

SOUND: RADIO TUNING.

VOICE 2 (FROM RADIO): —and just for you we’ll throw in two tons of uranium-236, all for the low, low cost of—

SOUND: RADIO CLICKS OFF.

JUNO (NARRATOR): But it does mean there’s never anything good to listen to. My name’s Juno Steel, and I spend a lot of time with my car radio. On stakeouts, listening in where I’m not wanted. Getting chased and starting chases. I’m a private eye.

I’ve picked up all kinds of clients during my decade and change in the P.I. business. Politicians, execs, celebrities, interplanetary criminals. But that day I was meeting with a very different animal: royalty.

MUSIC: ENDS.

SOUND: GONG, DOOR OPENS.

MUSIC: STARTS.

VOICE 1 [THE SAFFRON PRINCE OF MARS]: Juno, so glad you could make it! How long has it been? It feels like years.

JUNO: Probably because it’s been years.

SOUND: DOOR CLOSES.

PRINCE: I mean, look at you!

JUNO: I’d rather not.

PRINCE: Well, look at me, then. No, don’t. We’ve both gotten so old, Juno! How did we let it happen? I’d always thought… well, I thought what all young people think, the fools: that aging was just for other people.

JUNO (NARRATOR): He might have been right about that one. I last saw the guy ten years ago, before he landed the role of a lifetime as the face of Saffron Pharmaceuticals. Back then his name was Julian, his title was ‘hey you,’ and the strongest thing he tried to sell me was a double espresso. A decade had passed, and Julian still looked bright-eyed, soft-skinned, and twenty-five. A real achievement, given he was thirty when we met.

PRINCE: What were we up to, in those days? It feels like a lifetime ago. God, I must have been so pathetic. Was I pathetic? Tell me how pathetic I was.

JUNO: I’m gonna plead the fiftieth on that one. So you called me about—

PRINCE: No, no, hold on, I almost have it. Now I remember: in my jail cell!

JUNO: You were under house arrest.

PRINCE: The courtroom then. A thunderstorm! The prosecution railed against me, and you struck your fists upon the table and shouted, "No! I swear that justice will be served!"

JUNO: You never even went to trial.

PRINCE: You saved me, Juno. And back when I was nobody! You took my case when everyone was certain I’d killed that man, and you saved me from a lifetime of prison bars and cafeteria food and men named Hank with tattoos on their faces! I promised never to forget it on that snowy night, and Juno Steel, I never will. And that’s why I know you can save me again.

JUNO: Julian, I thought we had an agreement over the phone.

PRINCE: Oh, we do.

JUNO: You just said ‘save you.’

PRINCE: Did I?

JUNO: You did. Listen, I’ve got a few people you can call, but I’m not in the market for another murder, or smuggling charge, or whatever the hell else you’re up to. I’m looking for slower cases right now.

PRINCE: But this is a slow one, Juno! The very slowest, a glacier of a case, I promise you. But you have to take it! Please, I’m begging you, you must!

JUNO: A glacier, huh?

PRINCE: Uh huh!

JUNO: All right. I’m listening.

PRINCE: You know my husband?

JUNO: No, but I’m a fan of his work. Anthony DiMaggio, head of Saffron Pharma. I’ve had a few real good weeks I should probably thank him for.

PRINCE: Co-head, please. I own just as much of our company as he does, even if he refuses to act like it.

JUNO: Sounds like it isn’t all roses and royal banquets in the Saffron throne room.

PRINCE: It never is. I’m only angry because I love him. That’s not a crime, is it? To love someone so much you think you might simply come apart at the seams and burst?

JUNO: Depends on where you do your bursting.

PRINCE: You know I love him, don’t you?

JUNO: This is sounding real defensive. You should probably get to the point before I remember to forget this whole thing and get out of here.

PRINCE: Tony is missing, Juno. He hasn’t been home in a week.

JUNO: A missing persons gig? What happened to slow?

PRINCE: It isn’t anything dire – not for you, anyway. His ticker is still active; his pulse isn’t raised in any way that suggests a struggle.

JUNO: Did you really just say ‘ticker?’

PRINCE: Oh, you haven’t heard? Bleeding-edge technology, Juno. Some poor fools over at Lannan & Sons were accused of insider trading for selling their stock before telling the public about old Lannan’s most recent set of heart attacks. Tony and I decided to get ahead of the game and put R&D on the Saffron Ticker.

JUNO: You still haven’t said what it does.

PRINCE: It isn’t obvious? It reads key bio signs from whoever has it installed and puts them on a private feed for all of our stockholders to access. Oh, they’re simply all the rage amongst executives; the sense of security really makes the stock’s value soar.

JUNO: You don’t worry about whether or not someone could track you with that sort of thing?

PRINCE: Worry? (LAUGHS) Aren’t you darling! I’d be worried if it didn’t! That’s one of its primary functions.

JUNO: Oh.

PRINCE: You can turn that function off, of course. Everyone should be accorded some amount of privacy. (LAUGHS) This isn’t the 22nd century, after all!

JUNO: So I’m guessing your husband turned off his tracker. That right?

PRINCE: And this is why you’re the detective! Yes, Tony deactivated his tracker. For a full week now. The stockholders are starting to ask questions, and so am I. That man is going to have a lot to answer for when he comes home.

JUNO: So you want me to bring him home, then.

PRINCE: Never.

JUNO: Huh?

PRINCE: His pulse, Juno. I don’t like how it looks. Very calm, and then suddenly very, very active.

JUNO: I think I get what you’re driving at. How long is he, uh, ‘active’ for?

PRINCE: For hours at a time, two or three times a day.

JUNO: Isn’t that kind of a lot for… you know?

PRINCE: Not when we were first married.

JUNO: Ah. Well, at least you know he’s still breathing. But what makes you so sure this isn’t, I don’t know, a kidnapping, or something? Besides his… activity, I mean.

PRINCE: His checkbook is the only other evidence I have. A few hundred credits spent every day for the last three days.

JUNO: That could be anything.

PRINCE: I know exactly what that is, Juno. I was a struggling actor once. And if he’s run off, I don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore. He’d be a fool to run away from this. Who is the public going to follow? Him, or the Saffron Prince of Mars?

JUNO: Here’s hoping we never find out.

SOUND: BEEP.

JUNO: My invoice is in the mail.

PRINCE: Where are you going?

JUNO: Your husband’s office. Most cheaters put their gold and jewels in a safe hidden behind three paintings and a wall clock, but the phone numbers that could end them never get more than a rusty old lock on a desk drawer. Nine times out of ten if there’s an affair going on you’ll find all the evidence you need in the cheater’s desk.

PRINCE: And the tenth time? How do you catch a cheater the tenth time?

JUNO: With their pants down, usually.

PRINCE: That isn’t funny.

JUNO: See you later, Julian. Hubby’ll be home by breakfast. What you do with him then is your business.

MUSIC: ENDS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): The central office for Saffron Pharma was exactly what you’d expect from a little mom-and-pop place like the DiMaggios ran. Three-story walls on all sides; land mines underneath dummy walkways; genetically engineered guard dogs that’ll lick all four of their lips as they watch you pass. Places like that are all bark and no bite, though. If you know what to tell ‘em, that is.

COMPUTER VOICE: Please state name.

JUNO: Julian DiMaggio.

COMPUTER VOICE: Please insert keycard—

JUNO: Or the Saffron Prince of Mars. Whichever you got on tap.

COMPUTER VOICE: Please insert keycard.

SOUND: BEEP.

Thank you.

SOUND: DOOR OPENING.

Have a good evening. Saffron Prince.

SOUND: DOOR CLOSING.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Julian gave me that key on the way out, but a key only gets you inside. There was still plenty of security past the front door. First, the dogs.

SOUND: GROWLING.

JUNO: Here poochy, poochy. Got a nice little treat for you. See this? Still bloody and everything.

SOUND: DOG WHINING.

That’s it. Thaaaat’s it.

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT.

There. No such thing as a free meal, Fido. You remember that.

JUNO (NARRATOR): The land mines were next, but I had that covered.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Mista Steel, you did not just shoot that poor doggie!

JUNO: He didn’t feel a thing. I set my blaster to stun first.

RITA (FROM COMMS): You promise?

JUNO: I mean, I’m pretty sure it’s on stun. Seventy percent sure, easy.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Mista Steel!

JUNO: Can it about the dog, Rita! The map. Do you have the map ready?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Oh, the map! Right!

SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Let’s see… how many paths are there?

JUNO: Half a dozen.

RITA (FROM COMMS): What time is it?

JUNO: Eleven.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Day?

JUNO: You really need to know all this?

RITA (FROM COMMS): No, Mista Steel. I’m just remindin’ you that I get overtime for this.

JUNO: If I get blown to pieces, Rita, you don’t get any time.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Alright, take your third path from the left.

JUNO: You’re sure about that?

RITA (FROM COMMS): ‘Course I am. I made the Ls with my fingers and everything. Now go, Juno, I ain’t got all night.

JUNO: Hmmm.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I taught Rita the Ls trick, but she’s one of those people R&D departments bring in for testing when they want to make sure their product’s really idiot-proof. So I picked up the steak that Rover fell for and tossed it down the path number three.

SOUND: EXPLOSION.

JUNO: Dammit, Rita!

RITA (FROM COMMS): Mista Steel, are you alright?!

JUNO: I wouldn’t be if I listened to you!

RITA (FROM COMMS): Mista Steel, that ain’t fair! I did exactly like you said, I swear I did! They got landmines under every square foot of that place, and the deactivated paths look different every day! On Sundays after ten if there are eight paths you’re always supposed to take the third one from the left!

JUNO: Eight paths?

RITA (FROM COMMS): That’s what I said, ain’t it?!

JUNO: Rita, there aren’t eight paths.

RITA (FROM COMMS): You said half a dozen!

JUNO: That’s six, Rita. Six.

RITA (FROM COMMS): A dozen is sixteen, ain’t it?!

JUNO: A dozen is twelve! Now stop shouting and tell me where to go!

RITA (FROM COMMS): (YELLING) Who’s shoutin’! I ain’t shoutin’! Do you hear me shoutin’?

JUNO: RITA!

SOUND: BARKING.

I don’t have enough laser carts to take down all of Spot’s friends, Rita. Six paths. Eleven at night. Sunday. Go.

SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Second one from the right.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I didn’t have enough time to test it, and I was fresh out of steaks. So I booked it down the path as fast as I could.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS, BEEP, DOOR OPENS.

COMPUTER VOICE: Good evening. Saffron Prince.

SOUND: DOOR CLOSES.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Mista Steel? Didja make it?

JUNO: I’m fine. You got the map of the compound ready?

SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Bringing it up now! Mista DiMaggio’s office is exactly where you’d expect it. Top floor, good view. Security should be wide open from here on out, boss.

JUNO: It better be.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES.

I can’t see anything in here, Rita. Think it’s safe to turn on a few lights?

RITA (FROM COMMS): I wouldn’t. You got doors openin’ and closin’ all across the compound.

JUNO: Security guards?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Well, I was gonna say ghosts, but you’re allowed your opinion. Did you know that ghosts will always go towards fluorescent lights, Mista Steel? Frannie told me that.

JUNO: I think that’s moths, Rita.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Oh.

SOUND: DOOR CLOSES.

JUNO: Alright, if I can’t see you’re gonna need to lead.

RITA (FROM COMMS): You can count on me, boss! Turn left.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS. THUD.

JUNO: (GRUNTS) Left? You sure about that?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Of course I am! I did the Ls and every– thing…

Turn right.

JUNO: Thanks.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Alright, stop! That’s the one, straight ahead!

SOUND: DOOR OPENS. FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO: Well, Rita? Which one’s it gonna be?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Oh, I dunno…

JUNO: Getting cold feet?

RITA (FROM COMMS): It just, it don’t seem right, playin’ games about something like this.

JUNO: I’m at the desk. Last chance.

RITA (FROM COMMS): I got fifty creds on the bottom right drawer!

JUNO: Fifty? Big spender.

I can’t see a thing in here. Think it’s safe to turn on the flashlight?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Of course it is, just open the drawer!!!

SOUND: DRAWER OPENING.

Ooh, I can’t take the suspense! What’s in there? What is it?

JUNO: No dice, Rita. No steamy letters, either. Drawer’s empty.

SOUND: DRAWER CLOSING.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Aww! But it’s always that one!

SOUND: DRAWERS OPENING AND CLOSING.

JUNO: Looks like we both lost the bet. You ever hear of an exec with nothing but empty drawers?

RITA (FROM COMMS): I hear Samson Cartwright’s been that way ever since the war.

JUNO: I meant desk drawers. There’s nothing in any of—

SOUND: KNOB RATTLING.

Bingo.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Which one was it? Which one was it?

JUNO: Top center. Ballsy choice.

SOUND: METALLIC CLICKS.

Done. Alright, DiMaggio, what juicy secrets are you gonna share with us today?

SOUND: DRAWER OPENING.

Huh.

RITA (FROM COMMS): What is it? What is it?!

JUNO: It’s… fast food wrappers. The only thing this guy was cheating on was his diet.

RITA (FROM COMMS): That’s it?

JUNO: Rita, DiMaggio might be the most boring person we’ve ever tailed.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

Uh oh.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Boss? What’s wrong?

JUNO: (WHISPERING) Were you watching the security feed just now?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Uhhm…

JUNO: I think we’ve got company, Rita.

VOICE 3: I know you do.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Oh no! Mista Steel, get out of there! Mista Steel? Mista—

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

JUNO: So, this probably looks pretty bad.

VOICE 3: It does.

JUNO: I can explain.

VOICE 3: Can you?

JUNO: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a good lie, I can.

VOICE 3: Keep your voice down. I don’t think I need to tell you that you aren’t allowed in here.

JUNO: (LOUDER) Thanks for telling me anyway. I got lost on my way to the bathroom.

VOICE 3: Not just the room, the building. We lock up on weekends.

JUNO: Yeah, well, I was looking for my bathroom. I got really lost.

VOICE 3: Who are you?

JUNO: A lady’s got to have her secrets.

VOICE 3: Well, a lady wandered into a restricted area after hours, and now a lady’s gonna go home.

JUNO: That’s too bad. Watch the dogs on the way out. They nip a—

SOUND: GUN COCKING.

VOICE 3: I told you to keep your voice down.

JUNO: (QUIETER) I think you just persuaded me. You and your gun make a hell of a debate team.

VOICE 3: Come on, sir, let’s go.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO: You wanna turn on a flashlight, at least? I could trip and kill myself.

VOICE 3: That sounds more like a solution than a problem to me.

JUNO: Fair. Anyway, how long have you been—

SOUND: DOOR OPENS.

VOICE 3: So you won’t tell me who you are.

SOUND: DOOR CLOSES.

Do I get to guess?

JUNO: I get the impression that you’re going to.

VOICE 3: Easy. Shabby coat, shoes covered in mud, hands smell like raw meat.

JUNO: Alright, you got me. I play a butcher in the local Y2K Faire.

VOICE 3: Private eye. That’s my guess.

JUNO: You got all that from my clothes?

VOICE 3: There’s also a stink that comes with a P.I.: desperation, cologne, bourbon.

JUNO: Oh, you like the cologne? I’m trying something new.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.

VOICE 3: So who’s your client, P.I.?

JUNO: If I told you that, I’d just be an eye.

VOICE 3: Have it your way, then.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS STOP.

Here’s the door.

JUNO: Just one last questi—

SOUND: PUNCH.

VOICE 3: Bye-bye, P.I.

SOUND: DOOR CLOSES.

JUNO: No! Keycard, where’s that keycard.

SOUND: BEEP.

COMPUTER VOICE: Access denied.

JUNO: The hell do you mean, access denied?

COMPUTER VOICE: Access. Noun. Definition: a means of entry—

JUNO: I know the definition! That’s not what I meant!

COMPUTER VOICE: Denied. Verb. Past tense. Definition: to refuse to grant something to someone… (KEEPS TALKING IN THE BACKGROUND)

JUNO: Aaaarrhh!

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

JUNO: Rita! The hell’s going on here?!

RITA (FROM COMMS): I don’t know, Mista Steel! She put a hard lock on all the doors!

JUNO: I can see that! The hell kind of a security guard knows how to lock her own boss out?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Security guard?

JUNO: That’s what I—! Rita?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Yes, Mista Steel?

SOUND: COMPUTER VOICE STOPS.

JUNO: Have you ever heard of a security guard prowling around without any lights on, without carrying a flashlight, and who pulls a gun on you just so you’ll keep quiet?

RITA (FROM COMMS): That sounds more like a burglar, Mista Steel.

JUNO: I need to get back in there. Find me a way inside!

RITA (FROM COMMS): I'm tryin’, I'm tryin’!

SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING.

She got the windows too, the vents, even the mailbox.

JUNO: Something I could fit through and keep all my bones would be great, Rita.

RITA (FROM COMMS): I know, I know, I— (LAUGHS)

JUNO: What? What is it?

RITA (FROM COMMS): (GIGGLING) Well, she left one way in.

JUNO: And?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Round the corner to your left. Behind the bushes there you’re gonna find a manhole cover.

JUNO: You’re kidding.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Have I ever kidded you before, Mista Steel?

JUNO: I want you to print a copy of that map for me, Rita. If I find out there was any other way in, you’d better have another job waiting.

SOUND: WATER SLOSHING.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Watch where you’re stepping, Mista Steel, you’re making an awful lotta noise in there!

JUNO: If you just spent twenty minutes crawling through Tuesday’s lunch, Rita, you’d be a lot louder than that.

You got a read on our friend?

RITA (FROM COMMS): She’s in basement one now, pokin’ around just the same as you were. I got readings sayin’ she's going up and down the halls stickin’ her nose through every door she sees.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.

JUNO: Thorough. Must be looking for something.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Too bad for her she hasn’t got one’a me, right?

JUNO: I’ll get you an application.

RITA (FROM COMMS): So what’s your guess, boss? Cat burglar? Super spy?

JUNO: I doubt she’s a spy. Not a good enough liar.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Huh?

JUNO: A spy wouldn’t need to pull a gun on me. A spy would have a whole story ready for just this occasion.

SOUND: DISTANT FOOTSTEPS.

That’s her?

RITA (FROM COMMS): That’s her.

JUNO: At least there’s some light down here. What’s that door she’s staring down?

RITA (FROM COMMS): What door?

JUNO: What do you mean, what door? It’s the biggest one in this place. Looks like the airlock on a long-distance star hauler.

SOUND: DOOR GROANING OPEN.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Ain’t no door on that part of the map, boss.

JUNO: No time to find out. Bye, Rita.

RITA (FROM COMMS): But Mista Steel, you don’t know what’s—!

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I kept my distance behind her – as much as I could afford, anyway, without those gates of hell cracking me like a walnut.

Dark red light fell on everything like wet velvet. The floor was corrugated iron so thin your pulse made it shake. The whole place smelled like the kind of chewing tobacco a diesel engine might buy. Overall, it reminded me of the house I grew up in. A little cleaner, maybe.

She rounded a corner, then another, and another. And finally she rounded a corner into a huge, open room with a thousand lockboxes built into the walls. I followed her in.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS, THUD.

JUNO: (PAINED GRUNT)

VOICE 3: Alright, P.I., what’s your game?

JUNO: (STRAINED) Blackjack, usually.

VOICE 3: You know what I mean. Who are you working for?

JUNO: (STRAINED) I’m a private eye. If I told you that I’d just b—

VOICE 3: An eye. You said that already!

JUNO: What, you expect me to come up with a new line every time someone asks a dumb question?

VOICE 3: How about I see if I can beat a dumb answer out of you?

JUNO: Sounds fun.

SOUND: STRUGGLING, PUNCHING.

Well. Look who’s on top.

VOICE 3: Don’t get used to it.

JUNO: Now, let’s see who you are. You wanna get out your ID, or should I?

VOICE 3: (GROWLS)

JUNO: Better luck next time.

SOUND: FABRIC RUSTLING.

Alessandra Strong… private eye?

VOICE 3 [ALESSANDRA STRONG]: Nice to meet you.

JUNO: So much for honor among thieves. Now see, I’m not gonna make the same mistake you did.

STRONG: I’m sure.

JUNO: Not gonna phrase it as a question, I mean.

STRONG: Right.

JUNO: I’m just thinking out loud when I say, in general, I’d like to know who you’re working for.

STRONG: (GROWLS)

JUNO: Didn’t think that’d work. So what’s in this room that’s so important?

STRONG: Wouldn’t you like to know.

JUNO: I would, actually. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have—

SOUND: SMACK. STRUGGLING, PUNCHES.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Wow, she could fight. And not dirty, either. Big hits, the kind that made the room spin so hard you’d grab onto anything to make it stop. Even… the security alarm.

SOUND: ALARM.

STRONG: What’s that? What did you just do?!

JUNO: From the look of it, I just pulled six alarms with my six right hands.

STRONG: Oh, you idiot!

SOUND: BEEP.

COMPUTER VOICE: Access. Granted. Good evening. Anthony. DiMaggio.

SOUND: CHIMES JINGLING.

STRONG: You’re lucky my key still works.

SOUND: MECHANICAL WHIRRING.

Wait, where’s my key?

COMPUTER VOICE: For your safety. Anthony. DiMaggio. This key has been. Reclaimed. By Saffron Pharmaceuticals. Security Division.

STRONG: What?!

COMPUTER VOICE: To repeat this message, press ‘pound’ now.

JUNO: What’d that thing just call you?

COMPUTER VOICE: Compound lockdown. Commencing.

STRONG: Damn it!

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO: Hey, slow down!

STRONG: I don’t have time to kill you now!

JUNO: That’s good. So you’re working for DiMaggio, huh?

STRONG: Back off!

JUNO: (OUT OF BREATH) You have his key, so it seems pretty fair to assume—

STRONG: Duck!

SOUND: METALLIC CLANG.

I’m going to remind you I didn’t have to do that.

JUNO: (PANTING) You’re a real charity worker, Alessandra.

STRONG: Don’t think I won’t leave you behind if I have to.

JUNO: Watch it!

SOUND: METALLIC CLANG.

(PANTING) That was our exit, wasn’t it?

STRONG: (PANTING) There’s another way somewhere… There! It’s the long route, try to keep up.

JUNO: So what’s DiMaggio want from his own office that he can’t get himself?

STRONG: You’re wasting your breath. And in your shape, you’re going to need it.

SOUND: RHYTHMIC, HEAVY THUDS.

JUNO: I just haven’t met many P.I.s who double as cat burglars.

STRONG: You know how it is. Take pay for whatever you can.

Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!

JUNO: Are those doors?

STRONG: They look like… teeth. You ever seen anything like this before?

JUNO: A hallway with teeth? Yeah, but I did a lot of experimenting in my twenties.

STRONG: We’ll just have to run for it.

JUNO: Through those? No. I’ve got plans for these limbs later, I don’t plan on losing ‘em here.

STRONG: Well, if we get stuck in here the real security division’s going to do a lot worse. You have any better ideas?

JUNO: Good ideas don’t come cheap.

STRONG: Pitch yours and we’ll talk.

JUNO: See that control panel down there?

STRONG: Past the dozens of closing doors, you mean? Yes, I do.

JUNO: If I can hit that, will you tell me where DiMaggio is?

STRONG: I’ll take those odds. It’s not like that shot is even possi—

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT. THUDDING STOPS.

Huh.

JUNO: So? Pay up.

STRONG: I’m not going to stand around and chat.

JUNO: If you think you’re walking out that easy—

STRONG: Once we get outside, I’ll tell you what I know about DiMaggio. Now shut up and run!

SOUND: ALARM FADES.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Strong and I got out of there as fast as we could. She had the map, I had the gun, she had the brains. We worked together pretty well, when we weren’t trying to kill each other. The sun was rising by the time we got outside.

JUNO: (PANTING) We made it.

STRONG: I’m surprised. For a while there I didn’t think you’d last.

JUNO: (PANTING) What’s the matter? Never had a building try to eat you before?

STRONG: You got a name, mystery detective?

JUNO: (PANTING) I think you owe me something first.

STRONG: I want to know who to make the check out to, is all.

JUNO: Fine. The name’s Juno Steel. Your boss’s name is Anthony DiMaggio, and you’re gonna tell me where he is.

STRONG: Somebody pay you to sniff him out?

JUNO: I’m getting tired of you dodging the bill. Answer the question.

STRONG: Fine. I don’t know where DiMaggio is.

JUNO: What?

STRONG: I don’t know where he is. But I do owe you something, so I’ll say this: he called me three times over the last week from three different payphones across Hyperion City. Wherever the guy is, he’s scared.

JUNO: You must have more than that. How are you getting paid?

STRONG: Checks at specific drop-off points.

JUNO: A few hundred creds at a time?

STRONG: My rates aren’t a secret, Steel, you can look me up whenever you want.

JUNO: That explains his checkbook, then. Where were those payphones? And the drop-off points?

STRONG: Remember when I said that DiMaggio was scared?

JUNO: Sure.

STRONG: How am I supposed to know you’re not the one he’s scared of?

JUNO: There’s no way to answer that and you know it.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

Hey, where you going?

STRONG: I’ve got a paycheck to collect.

JUNO: So that’s it?

STRONG: I might take a nap, if I’m feeling frisky.

JUNO: Come on, Alessandra. We’ve been through hell together. I don’t get a little something?

STRONG: Fine. Thank you. Bye now.

JUNO: Not what I meant. Aren’t you going to tell me about the little toy you picked up?

STRONG: Not for a thousand creds.

JUNO: Good, I don’t have a thousand. Ten cover it?

STRONG: I don’t owe you anything, Steel. Act like a hero all you want, but I wouldn’t be in this mess if you’d just minded your own business.

JUNO: What can I say? You make me feel like a hero, Alessandra.

STRONG: You… what?

JUNO: All it took was your eyes.

SOUND: KISSING.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Strong was a good fighter. Turns out she was an even better kisser. Her kiss made you tingle all over, and it ended with a real punch.

SOUND: PUNCH.

JUNO: (PAINED GRUNT)

STRONG: You… you…!

JUNO: So that’s what you’re into, huh? It’s not really my thing, but I’m willing to learn.

STRONG: Go to hell, Steel.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I watched her go. Can’t say I didn’t enjoy the view. Then the front gate closed, and Alessandra Strong was gone. That didn’t depress me too much. I knew I’d see her again before long. I had something she wanted.

SOUND: CHIMES JINGLING.

Snagged it from her pocket when she started kissing back. Learned that trick from someone I used to know.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

RITA (FROM COMMS): How’d it go, Mista Steel?

JUNO: Didn’t walk away empty handed, that’s for sure. Got something from our friend Detective Strong.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Another detective!

JUNO: You ever see something like this before, Rita? It looks kind of like a crystal. Dark red, has something inside it… moving.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Oh! Oh! Have you ever seen Deathbugs from Tartarus?

JUNO: Yes. You know that one’s my favorite.

RITA (FROM COMMS): But Mista Steel, it’s so good! There’s this planet, see, called Tartarus, only it ain’t a planet, it’s like a huge bug-mom, and all these little bug-eggs are always flyin’ out of it, and the eggs go through space, and there’s this man, and he dies right away but he’s very—

JUNO: Hang on a sec, Rita, I’ve got another call.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

PRINCE (FROM COMMS): Juno! Is that you? Please, please, please, please—

JUNO: Julian, slow down.

PRINCE (FROM COMMS): —please, please, answer!

JUNO: I answered, what’s the problem?

PRINCE (FROM COMMS): Juno, I’m– I’m so sorry. I know I promised you, well, I promised a lot of things. I do that, don’t I? Make you a lot of promises?

JUNO: You make me something, alright. Spit it out.

PRINCE (FROM COMMS): I just can’t believe, I… (DEEP BREATH) Tony.

JUNO: You found him?

PRINCE (FROM COMMS): I did. Oh Juno, he’s… dead!

JUNO: What?

PRINCE (FROM COMMS): You have to help me, Juno! Please! I’ll pay whatever you ask!

JUNO: Help you? The hell is going on here?!

PRINCE (FROM COMMS): Tony is… my God, he’s dead, and he’s here, in my– in our bed, and he wasn’t just a second ago, and I don’t know how he—

SOUND: POUNDING ON DOOR.

No!

VOICE 4 (FROM COMMS): (THROUGH THE DOOR) This is the HCPD! Open the door!

PRINCE (FROM COMMS): Juno, help me!

JUNO: Julian!

SOUND: DOOR OPENING.

VOICE 4 [POLICE] (FROM COMMS): There he is! Get him!

PRINCE (FROM COMMS): Juno!!

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

RITA (FROM COMMS): —and then the scientist, the one who looks like Francis Goldwater but with a mustache, he finds out that the bugs are allergic to table salt, and—

JUNO: No time, Rita. I need you to get the car and pick me up from Saffron Pharmaceuticals.

RITA (FROM COMMS): This late? Mista Steel, I’m tired!

JUNO: Just get over here!

RITA (FROM COMMS): Yes, boss.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

MUSIC: STARTS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): So my missing persons case turned into a murder. Figures. There’s no such thing as a quiet case on Mars, only loud cases buried so deep you can barely hear ‘em through all the dirt.

I pulled the little crystal out of my pocket and stared into it. Red as Martian sand, and something squirming beneath the surface. Something buried… deep. But even from out here, I could tell it was gonna be loud when it got out.

SOUND: CAR HONKS.

RITA: (DISTANT) Mista Steel!

JUNO (NARRATOR): Most things in my life are.

SOUND: LONG CAR HONK. FOOTSTEPS, CAR DOOR OPENS.

RITA: This better be good, boss. I had plans today.

JUNO: Well, you got new ones now.

SOUND: CAR DOOR CLOSES.

You ever met royalty before, Rita?

RITA: What? What? Mista Steel, really?!?

JUNO: Really. Get us to Hoosegow, Rita, and quick. We’re requesting an audience with the Prince of Mars.

MUSIC: ENDS.

***

SOUND: RAIN & MUSIC.

CONCIERGE: The tale you’ve just heard, Part One of Juno Steel and the Prince of Mars, was told by the following people: Joshua Ilon as Juno Steel, Kate Jones as Rita, Kat Buckingham as Alessandra Strong, Jason Mellin as the Saffron Prince, and Sophie Kaner and Scott Gallica as the Ensemble.

On staff at The Penumbra: Kevin Vibert is our lead writer and recording engineer. Sophie Kaner is our director, lead editor, and sound designer. Juno’s Theme was written by Ryan Vibert.

The Penumbra was created by Sophie Kaner and Kevin Vibert.

I’m so sorry you’ve been called away, dear Traveler. We eagerly await your return.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

#juno steel

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