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belethlegwen · 17 days

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General li'l update

So, things have done anything but slow down for me in the real world. To keep it as vague as possible, there's a chance I'll be losing my job within the next month or so, though we're all currently working on possible solutions to this. Hoping for the best.

I've already done my panicking and preemptive grieving. 18 years in a single career is a hell of a run for someone my age, and if it has to come to an end then I've made at least some peace with that idea.

Still though, working every day to find solutions. To fix things. To keep surviving. It's exhausting, I will not lie. We're doing what we can over here.

There's so, so much good to look forward to this year. These are just bumpy patches of road. And some of the bumpiest roads I've driven on have taken me to the best places I've ever been. I'll be alright. I know I'll be alright. I'll be more than alright, by the time this is all said and done.

Been doing more reading of late, which I've been loving. You all are putting out such amazing work and I love bouncing in to read even if it takes me 3 attempts and a couple of hours to get through a posted chapter. Lovely escapes, all around.

My sister turned me onto a game ("game" kind of seems like an odd word for it but either way) on steam called Spirit City: Lofi Sessions. You customize a character, you have a little room, it plays lofi music at you and you can poke at a few playlists, build soundscapes around it (rain noises, thunder, wind, birds chirping, crackling fire etc etc) while your character mills about in spots doing things as just a beautiful little vibe-generator. You can collect spirit pals to vibe with you. It's just really cozy and nice, I love it. Highly recommend.

It has an optioning for in-app journaling, and I've been meaning to get back into journaling regularly just for the sake of my memory and everything else. That's been a huge boon over the last 2-3 days. It's got a productivity timer, to-do list, daily task/habits tracker.

Anyway, I've been making progress on writing but it's slow, staggered. Hit a bit of a wall last night with some of The Stranding where I wrote 8.5 pages of a scene and then just felt... unhappy with it. I had clearly lost the thread of why I started writing it, and needed to walk away to see if a fresher mind could find a place to rewind to and pivot so I can salvage it, or if I'm just gonna carve the whole thing out and set it in the Cut Scenes doc. The other 20 pages I've got waiting? Fine. Good, even. Proud of those. This one, I'm proud of what I'm writing but again... just feels more like floating aimlessly and bouncing. It was clear I wrote it while heavily distracted or with gaps between focus, so it jumps.

I'll see what I can salvage. Can't promise an update and am avoiding making it feel like I'm 'back on schedule' just to find something I can reduce pressure from in my life for the time being. But: I love you all. The Kudos, the views, the comments, the everything. It means a lot. You're all great.

If I do any generic vent/vibe writing, not necessarily attached to anything, I'll consider sharing it here for y'all. You guys deserve a bit of fun and sunshine <3

Have a great time everyone, love y'all to bits <3

~ Belle

#g/t author #gtauthor #author thoughts #just general rambling #irl update #life update #life is a mess and boy am I too tired to clean #Sometimes you just keep chuggin' until someone tells you aren't actually a train y'know what I mean?#If you do know what I mean please let me know #My brain is scrambled eggs because of all of this #I would like things to slow down plz #A friend of mine at the farmer's market this morning asked me 'what's new?' and I just moaned 'too much'.#I would like Less New #For a little while #Until the next big New Thing #The good one #the one where I get to see my fiancee and take them home with me forever #That's the good shit #Looking forward to that

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miniscule-meow · 3 days

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Isabell and the Lads CH 2: The Healing Process (2.6)

Masterpost Wordcount: ~1.7k First Part | Last Part | Next Part (eventually)

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A rhythmic tapping rouses her from her sleep.

Her eyes peel open to find a familiar darkness surrounding her. She could almost convince herself she is back home and that she isn’t living out her biggest nightmare. Almost.

“Isabell?” Zeke’s voice, though gentle, shatters the dream of her being back in the walls, where she belongs. “Are you up?”

“Yeah, I’m up,” she calls out groggily. She must have been in a pretty deep sleep if his footsteps didn’t wake her up before he got to her, she doesn't like the thought of a human being able to sneak up on her.

Isabell sighs, raising her arms in an attempt to stretch, and she’s met with aching ribs and sharply protesting limbs. So that’s how it’s gonna be. As gently as possible, she maneuvers herself into a sitting position, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She has to pause here, the pain in her body has officially caught up with her. She thought there was a chance she could sleep all of this off, but as it stands right now, everything just feels worse. She takes another breath, deep enough for her ribs to flare their complaints. She’s been awake for maybe thirty seconds and she already wants to cry.

Instead, she grits her teeth and stands out of the bed, testing her leg. She doesn’t need to put much weight on it to know that it is not happy. She’ll need to stay off of it as much as possible if she ever wants a chance to get out of here.

Her shelf is still nice and dim, with only a bit of light slipping in around the edges of the curtain. So, the main lights must be on out there. Turning her attention to the curtain wall, she can see Zeke’s monolithic shadow in front of her.

“I’m coming,” she says, hoping he’ll just wait for her. She doesn’t want to see his massive fingers pull back the barrier separating them.

She’s trying not to think about it, but all of this is truly only the illusion of safety. At any point the human could decide that he’s tired of waiting, that he’s tired of her. Every single moment she’s putting so much trust in him. Trust that he’ll be patient, trust that he’ll be kind, trust that he’ll be gentle. It’s trust that she simply does not have, but she has no choice.

She hobbles her way out to the open part of the shelf, clinging to the wall as much as possible in an attempt to avoid putting too much weight on her leg. She’s really going to have to do something about that.

She blinks, her eyes adjusting to the full light of the room. Her breathing catches, seeing Zeke’s massive form kneeling in front of her, his eyes trained on her. Even though she’s been interacting with these humans, seeing them, especially for the first time again, sparks an intrinsic fear inside of her.

Don’t get caught. You’ve already been caught. They can see you. Run. Hide. Escape.

She shoves the thoughts aside. This is her situation. She can’t fix it right now. The humans are helping her.

The rational thought quells her fear meager amounts at best.

“Good morning,” Zeke says, his eyes scanning over her. “How are you feeling today?”

“I’ve been better,” she says, leaning heavily against the wall. “Um, thank you, by the way. For… setting this up for me.” She gestures over to her ‘room’ behind the curtains.

“Of course. I’m glad we could find something that worked for you,” Zeke responds with a small smile gracing his features. “I was going to make some breakfast. Do you want to come out to the living room?”

Does she want to? Does she want to willingly put herself in the palm of his hand? No. Not really. Does she agree anyway, of course. That’s what the human wants, right? At this point, it’s more dangerous to disappoint him.

She nods numbly, and Zeke’s hand rests on the shelf in front of her. She feels as though she’s watching her own actions from behind her eyes, as if she were instead watching a screen. The only way her mind can rationalize a willing interaction with this human is to just disconnect herself completely.

Sure, the humans have been nice so far. But every single moment she spends with them she has to fight every one of her instincts. Her brain’s wiring just won’t stop telling her that she’s in extreme danger. Don’t get caught, don’t get caught don’t get- she’s already been caught. She needs to play by a different set of rules now. But it’s been a lifetime of fear, well deserved fear. One or two reasonable conversations with a human isn’t going to magically undo all of that.

She takes a hesitant step forward, still pushing against the wall of the shelf for support, when the hand in front of her shifts. You were taking to long. He’s run out of patience. She jolts, expecting the hand to lurch forward and snatch her up in an unforgiving fist. Instead, the massive fingers curl in on themselves, and the hand moves in the opposite direction. She looks up, finally connecting the hand to the human, and meeting Zeke’s gaze curiously.

“Sorry. I just- You know that you can say no to me, right?” His brow furrows, his green eyes taking her in. When she doesn’t respond, he continues, “I don’t want you to say yes just because you feel like you can’t say no. That isn’t… that’s not consent. I mean,” he looks away, searching elsewhere for the right words to say, “yeah, before neither of us had much of a choice about anything. It was an emergency situation, and I’m really sorry about all of that. But now you have your own space here and- I’m rambling,” he shakes his head, looking back to her, “I don’t want you to say yes to me just because that’s what you think I want. And I really don’t want you to say yes to me because you’re afraid to say no. That’s… that makes me,” he hesitates, “that makes me feel really gross,” he admits, shaking his head once more.

She hadn't considered his feelings in all of this.

Her being afraid of him makes him feel... gross? How is that even possible. She'd always been under the impression that humans relished in the fear they caused. It never occurred to her that he might be just as uncomfortable interacting with her as she is with him.

Is it possible that she's been so wrapped up in her own feelings that she's completely missed the nuance of emotions from this impossibly large being? It is just easier for her to write off everything from them as fearmongering and manipulation so she doesn't have to consider that they aren't really all that different after all?

But still, this fear that is so deeply interwoven into her being. She's had horrific run-ins with humans. She's seen their cruelty, the inflated ego of having something smaller than them that they can dominate. She's never seen a human like Zeke. Kneeling down on her level, going out of his way to help her feel comfortable, telling her how he feels? This doesn't fit in the box of humans are scary and irrational beings that she has sequestered in her mind. This simply makes no sense to her.

Even if, and it's a big if, she were to take this human at face value, and she were to let herself trust him, it's not like she can just turn her fear off with the flick of a switch. Maybe she doesn't want to be afraid anymore. But can she really turn her back on the one thing that has kept her alive all this time?

She stays hidden because she's afraid of getting caught.

She goes out borrowing because she's afraid of starving to death.

Everything she's needed to do in life, she's done because of fear. Every choice she's made has been based on what outcome she's more or less afraid of.

Now to just say, 'no, fear, I don't need you anymore.' It feels impossible.

She feels herself slipping into a circle of thought. Be afraid, but don't be afraid, but you should be afraid, but you shouldn't be afraid, but you've always been afraid, but you don't have to be afraid anymore.

She will have to try to unpack this later.

Zeke continues, “you can say no, you can obviously also say yes. It’s- I mean, that’s why I’m asking. I want to know what you want. Okay? Do you want to go out to the living room, or would you rather stay here. It’s up to you.”

She looks up at him cautiously. What does she want? She tries to do the mental gymnastics required to figure out what he wants her to want. This has to be some kind of trick, right? What does she want? A human shouldn’t be concerned about that. She fits in the palm of his hand, and he cares about what she wants? Here she is again, trying to fit Zeke into a box of what she understands humans to be, and failing miserably.

“Um, I want… um, N-no. No, I’d actually like to stay… here,” she feels as wound up as a spring, her shoulders tense rigidly. I just told a human no. She looks up at him wide-eyed, terrified she’s made the wrong choice.

Zeke just nods indifferently. It doesn’t seem like he’s upset or disappointed at all. If anything it looks like he relaxes a little bit. “Alright,” he says standing. “I’ll bring you some breakfast soon, okay?”

“Pancakes?” She asks, remembering the warm fluffy clouds he made for her yesterday.

“Yeah, I can make that happen,” he responds. She can’t see his face, but he sounds amused. He could even be smiling, a rarity from him.

With that, his footsteps retreat off into the main part of the apartment. She takes this time to drag herself back into her room. Zeke had been kind enough to put a little electric candle in the middle of the room for her. She flips the switch and the warm light flickers gently in the space. Off to the side, he had left her a bundle of craft supplies. By the time he comes back with pancakes for her, she’s crafted herself a crutch. So, even though she’s still hobbling around, she’s at least doing it with some proficiency now.

#g/t #g/t writing #g/t stories #my writing #isabell and the lads #i know yall probably want me to update literally any other story but this is where the ideas are right now #featured: zeke saying consent is key #and isabell fighting with her fears #hopefully the pay off for all this slow burn stuff will be worth it lmao

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yandere-daydreams · 8 months

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Current thoughts on Neuvillette and Furina?

the moment i saw them on screen together i was overcome with fantasies of the Most Austic Threesome ever penned to the hollowed halls of ao3. i have been been plagued with visions ever since.

#fgdkg no seriously tho i really like them #i just started working on the new update last night and i'm only finished with the prologue and first chapter but #i really like all the new character T-T #furina is definitely my favorite (we support girlfails unconditionally in this house)#she's such a nice juxtaposition to the sorta prestige of the other archons #and i am in love with the fact that her subjects are basically just like 'yeah she kinda sucks but we stan her'#navia is also a stand-out and the magician twins are cute #glad to see arlecchino is embracing fatherhood #i don't know much about neuvillette yet but then again i'm always down for a little dragon fucking #we'll get to that in time tho #personal #anon aks

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abandonshapes · 5 months

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V wip

#life update; university is draining my soul i don't have any sense of reality anymore cause im too focused on how much i hate the subjects #that i study every single day24/7 without leaving me any time for the things i really want to do i also cannot fucklng stand the people t #here and i also just found my old school backpack which i did not recognise at all and i apparently wore it everyday for 7 years which is #making me realize that i can't remember 95% of my life to the point im struggling to remember any fucking thing from last year So #end of the vent lets go #dmc #v #fanart #devil may cry #sketch #wip

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satorisoup · 2 days

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EEEP happy sunday friends !! i hope you all have tha bestest day EVAAA >//< m’ giving you all so many hugs & smooches !!

#i have work today & SO many work days this week… sigh #m’ gonna be so tired T^T #but but !! i’ll be as active as a i can <333 #updated my theme a lil bit and m’ gonna make a moots page before work tday !!! <3 #m rlly tired cuz i didnt sleep too good >_<#gonna go cuddle wif kou and get some extra sleep mayhaps :>#I’LL BE WRITING SOON ALSO DONT WORRY !! </3 #i love you all sososo much MWUAHHH kisses to you !!! >//<#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ

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reborrowing · 8 months

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a mouse in the basement, part 3/6(?)

First | prev | Kíkítok masterpost | AMITB Translations

not sure how I feel about finishing here, but the next decent stopping point made everything feel disorganized so...here she is.

David gets no more clues about why he's being held here. Kiwi's determined to make an escape using any means available—but mostly David. tagging - @whumpsday (dm/comment to be tagged please) word count: ~1300 cw: continued captivity blood/injury and restraints, and of course language barrier. nothing new if you've made it this far.

David flinched as the masked man grabbed his chin.

He could name a dozen movies that would tell him his next move was to spit at his captor, or at least offer up a good glare, but he was still afraid of making things worse. He was taken aback when he met the masked man’s eyes. Blue eyes flashed with some realization and the hard anger that permeated the mask loosened into fear.

“Fuck me,” the man muttered, shoving David back.

“What?”

The masked man said nothing, only ripped off a fresh length of tape to use as a gag. He cursed a second time as he gave David a final look before disappearing up the stairs. David slumped against the wall and stared after him, wondering what that was about. His mind was eager to have a new problem to chew on and came up with a host of fantastical answers.

Maybe David was a friend’s relative. Maybe it was love at first sight. Maybe David was some secret Chosen One. It hardly mattered, because none of them got him any closer to home.

Somewhere between fifteen minutes and two hours passed before he noticed Kiwi making her way along the wall towards the stairs. He leaned forward to watch, intrigued that she might be able to climb out of here.

She paced back and forth at the bottom for a while before making a proportionately impressive jump towards the bottom step, but still didn’t clear it. Her hands scrabbled against as she struggled to heave herself over the edge, like a kid who hadn’t quite figured out how to pull themselves out of the pool.

David unsteadily rose to his feet to check on her, but she was upright again before he had shuffled halfway across the room. She sat up, clutching at her side, and stared up at what must seem an endless distance to the door.

He was still a few feet from the stairs when the chain around his ankle pulled suddenly taut, knocking him off balance. Kiwi’s ears perked up, then pressed back in a show of terror. She leaped back to the cement floor and scampered beneath the cover of the floating step. A second passed and she stepped back into view, hands covering her face in embarrassment.

“Ah, I’m sorry, caiyacaiyacosach nábnáb. Hú, David. Tsokay me,” she said, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

David wondered if the gag hid his smile or if she could see his face at all from her low vantage point. He squatted down to better meet her gaze, but it was an awkward task with his arms pinned behind his back. It hardly made a difference. She was so little that even bent over, he towered over her.

“Fwo, fí kyírowén, sáqá nat piyískamarus…?”

She sounded uncertain as she trailed off. She leaned against the narrow riser behind her and fiddled with the shoulder strap of her bag as she stared up at David with wide, green eyes. He gave her a wary nod to continue even if he couldn’t understand her.

“Kyépasach pé wun, ah, up-sih-tairs,” she said carefully, shaking her head. Her little eyes glittered as she shifted to point at the handrail. “Ayibíabítú tsú. Fí f-fékyépasaró, nat íchowóts swa páfóts pé hyo tsú páf.”

David shook his head. She had watched the masked man cuff him, hadn’t she? She had to know that he couldn’t do anything to get either of them up the stairs.

If I could get over there, I would’ve already left.

“Pease. Fópóyofiyór téwu. Pokyó you,” she pleaded.

David pulled the chain before the chain clattered taut again. Kiwi flinched at the movement, then her shoulders fell as she put together what he was trying to say. She tilted her head to the side and thought for a moment.

“Íkyekikumi pé krát pen pá? Krát?”

She pointed and David turned to follow it, his eyes landing on the window that she had fallen from last night. He nodded in recognition and Kiwi gave him a split second of a smile.

“Áqámpisi séchi fwé sou de íchowóts tik bó pén,” she said. She held up her bag and pointed back at the window, then mimed dropping something. “Ryó kou só kuh fí íkyekikumi…nat faibaiyasat pískpísk sou de fékyépór pé.”

She gave him a firm nod and another expectant look. David wasn’t sure what she meant, but understood that step one was at the window, at least. He trudged in that direction, but it wasn’t much closer to his anchor point than the stairs.

It was almost as if the person who had kidnapped him wanted to keep him from mounting an escape. Not that David would fit through such a small window, but there could be neighbors out there he could signal to. He didn’t actually know if he was in a populated neighborhood, but he’d imagined it once or twice or so since being dragged down here.

Kiwi sighed as she caught up to him. She leaned herself against the the tight chain that hovered around her chest level.

“Kuh pópama pé séchí sou pá? Wi íkya sou? Pease?” she asked.

She patted her bag several times. David furrowed his brows and leaned closer to…try to take it? Maybe? He wasn’t sure. She staggered back and clutched the pack to her chest as if it were her child. Her lip curled up to show off a teeny-tiny fang as she pressed herself against the wall and shook one hand up towards the window.

“No, krát, hyo krát! Chyawúnén pá? Séchí sou bó hyo krát pá?”

David’s brow furrowed, but he gave her her space and looked back at the window. Grayish light filtered in from an overcast sky. As he stood up, the light caught on something metal stuck in the window frame. He strained against the chain for a better look. It looked like a twisted bit of wire, maybe tied to something, maybe just a bit of poor workmanship by whoever built the house. Maybe it was what Kiwi was after?

He nodded hesitantly. Kiwi tilted her head and considered the short distance between David and the wall. After a minute or so, she ran a hand through her curls and groaned.

“David, hyápén ne. Ma éfamarus mókmók,” she said.

On the last word, she pressed her hands together, mimicking handcuffs. She gestured for David to squat down again. He gave her a skeptical look but lowered himself down. She encouraged him to keep going until his hands rested against the floor. He watched the last of the faint color drain from her face as she stepped forward.

“Rótsusu wun yétsiyétsi ném. Ma…Don’t hurt me.”

David inhaled sharply as she crept close enough to touch. It was much closer than she’d dared to get at breakfast. He froze, afraid that any sudden movement would scare her off—or worse. She disappeared behind his back.

He tensed as sharp little fingers dug into the side of his palm and she pulled herself up onto the cuffs. She weighed an impressive nothing at all. He could almost forget she was there if it wasn’t for the way her furry arm occasionally brushed against his skin as she picked at the cuff.

“Tsokay, ma áyapama. Tsokay?” she called after a long minute.

David cautiously tugged against the restraint. His heart jumped as a metal arm fell away and the cuff clattered against the floor. He laughed behind the gag, then gleefully pulled the duct tape from his face and sucked in a full breath.

“Holy shit, thank you. Did you know you could do that this whole time?”

She sat on his other wrist for several seconds more, not moving. He held his hand still to let her do whatever it was she wanted to do, climb down or pull off the other cuff. Several seconds passed. He started to think that she had jumped down without his noticing until something soft slumped against his bare skin, then slid limply to the floor.

“Kiwi?”

More silence.

#i'm like 95% sure I can have part four out next week #since originally it was the same piece but it felt long and unfocussed so I split it #but at the same time these updates feel real short and maybe unsatisfying? maybe I should just post all at once? man idk #the point is kikitok prompting tho so whateverr #g/t #g/t writing #giant tiny #g/t whump #my writing #borrowers #a mouse in the basement #oc: kiwi #oc: david #clong #kíkítok

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