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michelles-garden-of-evil · 3 years

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Ian Martin’s Strange Paradise, Part II: The Top 5 Worst Things

Last week, I listed my top five favorite things about the first 44 episodes of Strange Paradise, when Ian Martin was headwriter and when the show had a very different feel to it than in the final four weeks of the Maljardin arc. But no creative work is perfect, and, despite my fondness for this show, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think that the writing for early Maljardin had several glaring flaws. Unlike Danny Horn, I don’t think that Ron Sproat was a better writer than Martin (actually, I consider Sproat the worst writer on SP), but that doesn’t mean that I don’t also feel that his writing needed some improvement. Note that this entry is specifically about the writing during this period, so things outside his creative control (e.g. the Conjure Man’s questionable casting) will be excluded from the list.

That said, here are my top five least favorite things about the writing in the first nine weeks of Strange Paradise:

5. Cheesy dialogue

More specifically, (1) bad jokes and (2) slang that was already outdated when these episodes originally aired in 1969. This one is #5 because, while these lines are cheesy, I can’t hate them because most of them make me laugh. Even my personal least favorite of Jacques’ jokes, the “pose” line from Episode 18, is kind of funny in an ironic, anti-humor sort of way, like the dad jokes that have become fashionable in recent years. While there are some jokes in this show that I find genuinely funny--Elizabeth’s Song of Solomon joke, for instance, or “the lady doth detest too much”--most others are the epitome of cornball. Sometimes you hear both in the same episode: Episode 21 is loaded with Devil jokes/puns that would be unforgivably corny if Colin Fox didn’t possess enough charisma to sell them, and yet the same episode also features a genuinely hilarious double entendre. The good jokes sneak up on you, sometimes amidst a hurricane of bad ones.

As for the slang, some comments that I’ve read mention that it was largely out of date even in the late sixties. My good friend Steve (with whom I often discuss SP) has told me that “you might not be aware of how campy that slang sounded in 1969 since you obviously did not live through the Sixties--this happened with a lot of TV shows during that period, the most egregious examples being the various ‘evil druggie Hippie’ episodes of DRAGNET.” Apparently Martin became infamous for using outdated slang later on when he wrote for CBS Radio Mystery Theater, putting lines like “I dig a man who’s far-out!” and “I think bein’ around here’s gonna be kicks!” in the mouths of some of his younger characters. Even if he had used up-to-date slang, it most likely would have still aged poorly (as slang typically does), especially for generations born after phrases like “the most” and “making the ___ scene” fell out of use.

4. Slow pace and excessive repetition

This one is also low on the list, because slow pace and repetition weren’t flaws when the show originally aired, but instead have aged poorly because of advances in technology that made them unnecessary. Before the advent of the programmable VCR, you had to be able to catch the program you wanted to watch on time or have someone you knew catch it on time and record it--which, in 1969, would have meant an audio-only tape recording. This meant that only the most fortunate and/or most loyal viewers would have been able to watch Strange Paradise every day, making it necessary to recap all the major events in subsequent episodes for those who missed out. This is also likely the reason why early SP (like most soaps of the time) has a relatively slow pace: if too much happens in one episode, you have to recap more and the people who missed the big episode are more disappointed.

Nowadays, with DVRs, video streaming, and DVD sets--not to mention certain legally-questionable means--it’s nearly impossible to miss an episode of your favorite show (with few exceptions), making extensive recap largely obsolete. Screenwriters can cram as many plot points as they want into one episode and no longer have to write five episodes of the other characters reacting to the news if they don’t want to.

Even so, just because the constant recap served a function at the time doesn’t mean I have to like it. It gets annoying hearing the same plot points reiterated episode after episode. Like I said while reviewing Episode 21, “if someone were to remake this show for Netflix or another streaming service, they could safely ignore about 75 percent of the original scripts and condense the remaining 25 percent quite a bit without omitting anything important.”

And don’t even get me started on the lampshading of absent cast members, like in Episode 9 when Jean Paul and Quito wasted two minutes searching for Raxl just to slow the plot down. It’s nothing compared to Ron Sproat’s “we must search for Quito” filler episode in Desmond Hall (Episode 78), but still, those scenes were pointless.

3. Extreme artistic license with certain historical/cultural details

Although Ian Martin did a surprising amount of research on certain subjects for Strange Paradise, there are some subjects where he either didn’t do enough research, or (more likely) made extensive use of artistic license. The first one is his portrayal of Jacques’ wife Huaco as an Inca princess despite their marriage occurring over a century after the fall of the Inca Empire. I discussed this all the way back in Part II of my review of the pilot, where I invented the theory of Jacques traveling back in time to marry her, but other possible explanations include Huaco being a 17th-century descendant of Inca royalty (as the Quechua people are still alive today), extreme artistic license, and/or critical research failure. I don’t know if we would have eventually gotten a good explanation if Martin had continued writing the series, but we would need a damn good one for the approximate equivalent of having a 21st-century character marry the Russian Grand Duchess Anastasia. I’m willing to suspend my disbelief and accept it considering that this is a fantasy series, but it still creates a lot of plot holes that need to be filled.[1]

Another example of artistic license about which I feel more ambivalent is the conflation of voodoo with the Aztec-inspired indigenous religion of Maljardin, which I’ve discussed before both in my Episode 23 review and Part I of this post series. I’m not sure if this is genius--religious syncretism is a real phenomenon throughout the Caribbean and Latin America, and some people today do syncretize the vodou Serpent God with Quetzalcoatl--or just an instance of Martin playing fast and loose with facts. I would like to think it’s the former, but it could just as easily be the latter (hence why I referenced it on both lists--I have mixed feelings about it).

2. Annoying inconsistencies

Does Raxl know that Jean Paul is possessed by Jacques Eloi des Mondes? Does Vangie? Why does Jacques’ portrait disappear in some episodes after he possesses Jean Paul, but not in others? All three of these things vary from episode to episode, and change annoyingly often as the plot demands. Steve and I have also discussed this subject in the past, and he believes that Martin used this device to make the story easier to follow; if that’s the case, it appears that he used Raxl and Vangie as audience surrogates, especially for new viewers or people who didn’t tune in every day. But surely there were other ways to do that without creating continuity errors? It may have served a function, but that doesn’t make it good writing. What Martin is essentially doing is filling and reopening the same plothole, episode after episode.

Regarding the portrait, I don’t know how much to blame Martin’s scripts for this inconsistency and how much to blame the directors, as I don’t have access to any SP scripts beyond the pilot script and the Vignettes. However, I’m going to assume that he’s at least partially to blame, because at least the pilot script mentions the disappearing portrait (which literally disappears in all three of the Paperback Library novels), Also, while none of the characters ever mention the portrait vanishing (unlike in the tie-in novels), some of his episodes have characters looking at it while Jacques is controlling Jean Paul and commenting on the uncanny resemblance. See also the diegesis tag for more discussion and analysis of the disappearing portrait.

1. Tim’s subplot

It should surprise none of my regular readers that Tim’s subplot is my #1 least favorite thing about the first nine weeks of Maljardin. I’ve already written an entire post about why I dislike this subplot, so I’ll keep my discussion of it here brief. Jean Paul saves the life of artist Tim Stanton when he hires him to paint Erica’s portrait, but then does nothing to make the commission easy for him--which is not a bad set-up for a plot in and of itself, but the execution is terrible. Tim chooses to use Holly as his model despite her barely resembling Erica, and Martin mostly uses their subsequent interactions to drive the old, tired, clichéd plot where two people who bicker and hate each other at first eventually fall in love (or at least he appears to be setting that up[2]). The payoff for the Holly portrait subplot finally occurs in Episode 33, but it’s underwhelming (not to mention barely recapped) and the already bland Tim quickly becomes a background character. In short, his subplot is a boring waste of time and should have either had more payoff or--preferably--been scrapped altogether.

That concludes my list of the worst things about Ian Martin’s Strange Paradise. Stay tuned for my review of Episode 45 within the next two weeks.

{<- Previous: The Top 5 Best Things }

Note

[1] Interestingly, there is a possible (if unlikely) historical explanation for Huaco’s sister Rahua having “skin as white as goat’s milk” and “hair like ripened wheat.” An early Spanish account of the Chachapoya people (aka Cloud People) of the Northern Andes describe them as “the whitest and most handsome of all the people that I have seen, and their wives were so beautiful that because of their gentleness, many of them deserved to be the Incas’ wives and to also be taken to the Sun Temple.” Assuming the Spanish account isn’t made up, this proves that reality is sometimes unrealistic.

[2] Thankfully, given the soap opera genre, it’s unlikely that Tim and Holly would have stayed together forever, even if they had eventually fallen in love during their painting-and-bickering sessions. Even so, that doesn’t make it a good subplot.

#strange paradise #ian martin #maljardin arc #review #analysis #arc review #list #bruce gray was a good actor but tim stanton is zzzzzzzzz #even jean paul agrees ;)

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turtle-paced · 7 years

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GoT Re-Watch: Fine-Toothed Comb Edition

Whoo, this took me a while. It’s a lot of counting, but I finally got it done. Next week, we’ll be all caught up!

6.09 - Battle of the Bastards

I still can’t believe the episode is actually called this.

Surface-level ridiculousness aside, there’s the matter of what this episode title actually says. And that is that the conflict of importance is between Jon Snow and Ramsay, who haven’t even met and whose sum total of interaction was one letter, the reading of which was more important to Sansa’s characterisation than Jon’s. Nor does this episode title keep the stakes of the battle in view - control of Winterfell, the righting of Bolton usurpation, the ability to mount an effective defence against the White Walkers.

I also want to say right off the bat here that Sapochnik can fucking direct. In this regard, both this episode and the next episode look fantastic. But much like the actors, there’s only so much he can do to prop up lazy, thoughtless writing.

(2:11-13) Deaths: 1, 2, 3.

(2:23) This is what I mean about good directing. Here we have a slow drawing backwards from the devastation in Meereen to Dany watching it all. Sapochnik’s direction makes Dany’s back more expressive than her face was at the end of the the previous episode, precisely because the shot choice makes it very clear what she’s looking at and from what perspective.

(2:55) I don’t understand this bit here. Rather than owning up to any mistakes, Tyrion is frantically and somewhat comically denying them. I think these few lines were supposed to be somewhat comedic, due to the dissonance between “the city’s on the rise!” and the repeated trebuchet impacts, but I don’t understand why. Tyrion’s failures here are significant. Logically, they should be affecting how he understands his own strategy in Meereen. No matter how you slice it, Tyrion’s failed massively here by not keeping an eye to the city’s defenses.

The other thing here is that this scene isn’t about Dany. It’s about Tyrion. Dany’s primary interest is defending Meereen and establishing her hold over the city; if that was the interest being catered to in this scene, Grey Worm and Missandei would be in the room helping formulate a strategy. Tyrion’s primary interest is validation from Dany, and so his selectively articulate opponents within her command structure have gone somewhere to do something else so that he has a clear floor to spin his actions unopposed. The tension here derives primarily from what Dany thinks of Tyrion. His standing is in jeopardy - oh yeah, and so is Meereen, incidentally.

(2:58) “The rebirth of Meereen is the cause of this violence. The Masters cannot let Meereen succeed. Because if Meereen succeeds, a city without slavery, a city without masters, it proves that no one needs a master.” This does not address Dany’s problem of a city under siege. This addresses Tyrion’s problem of a liege who is unimpressed with his actions. He’s not acknowledging failure and trying to fix it, he’s denying that there was a problem in the first place.

This argument doesn’t hold up as an excuse for what’s going on outside. If Tyrion anticipated violence as a result of his economic success, how is it that he’s manifestly unprepared for the fight? I’m not seeing a political genius at work here, nor a mastery of political and economic philosophy, I’m seeing self-serving ass-covering. More to the point, I’m seeing writers trying and failing to write characters smarter than they are.

(3:17) To which Dany replies, “Good.” This is a bit of a non-sequitur. Tyrion just gave her an if/then, and I have no idea what Dany thinks is good about it. Meereen’s success? The violence outside? Proving that nobody needs a master? The conditions Tyrion has argued exist? Grammar!

(3:23) Tyrion asks, “Do we have a plan?” Which one of them has been in the city all this time again? Who’s the one who’s met directly with the enemy’s envoys?

This also points to another shortcut to depicting intelligence that the writers have been taking - thinking of a good plan is hard. It’s much easier to show your smart characters are smart by having them poke holes in someone else’s plan. We’ve seen it repeatedly with Davos criticising Stannis, and Sansa criticising Jon Snow. Here we get another layer of ugly in that this dynamic is supposed to position Tyrion not just as smarter than Dany, but reasonable to Dany’s unreasonable.

(3:53) For the temporary convenience of Tyrion’s plot, the writers have decided that Jaime totally told Tyrion the full truth of what happened in King’s Landing at the end of Robert’s Rebellion. Jaime wasn’t using that characterisation anyway.

It also foreshadows the events of next episode. How convenient!

(4:35) Note that the scene ends just as Tyrion suggests an alternate approach, which is way better than Dany’s only you’re never going to hear him explain its merits, just ooh and ahh as it unfolds without a hitch.

(6:01) Unforseeable! Who would ever have guessed that the Mother of Dragons might consider using her dragons? What needed to be established earlier is that the Masters thought that the threat of using the dragons was a bluff, and that nobody would ever actually use the dragons on them. As it is, this looks like “oh shit! We just remembered! Dragons! With military applications!” The CGI work on Drogon is stunning, though.

As for the rest of the negotiations, yeah, I got nothing, incredibly clever to come to parley with the offer of no u.

(7:06) Nicely timed breaking out of the pyramid from Rhaegal and Viserion! They either read the script of heard the dramatic swell of Dany’s theme music.

(7:25) Deaths: another 5, bringing the total to 8. The Sons of the Harpy are having an impromptu slaughter outside the gates for some reason.

(7:29) Deaths: 10.

(7:31-32) Deaths: 11, 12.

(7:36) Deaths: 13.

(7:38) Deaths: 14, 15.

(7:42) How do these armies keep sneaking up on places?! Does nobody keep a lookout? And this is probably the season’s least egregious apparating army.

(7:56) Deaths: 16. Daario kills a Son of the Harpy.

The aerial shots of Dany and her dragons over Meereen are the highlight of the episode for me. It’s just such a nicely done action sequence in and of itself.

(8:32) Deaths: 18. Dany kills two sailors, turning Drogon on a ship.

(8:35-37) Deaths: 19, 20. Dany kills two more sailors.

(8:48) Deaths: 21. Dany kills a fifth sailor.

(8:54-55) Deaths: 26. Dany kills five more sailors, bringing her kill count to ten.

(9:01) Deaths: 27. Dany kills an eleventh sailor. It’s absolutely implied to be more, but that’s just the deaths I saw.

(9:13) Now that Tyrion’s dilemma is solved by persuading Dany that he was right, Grey Worm is totally amenable to Tyrion’s plans.

(9:54) Ditto Missandei.

(10:24) Deaths: 29. Grey Worm kills two of the negotiators, in quite flagrant violation of the terms of their pact themselves. Oh ho, aren’t they clever, killing two of the Masters when they said they’d just kill one. Guess everyone should know not to surrender to Dany. Seriously, by all means strip these people of their wealth, execute them for their slaving crimes afterwards, but these customs of parley have to be upheld and enforced or nobody can have a parley.

(11:40) “You don’t have to be here.” “Yes, I do.” I like that exchange. Good characterisation for both Jon and Sansa.

(12:29) Ramsay here mentions that Jon deserted the Night’s Watch. Anyone else? Anyone?

(13:36) Two things, one good, one teeth-grindingly typical flaw. The good - the way Ramsay keeps slipping “bastard” in to refer to Jon Snow. Shows his own insecurity, legitimate tactic to needle Jon. The flaw - “I keep hearing about you.” Footage not found, because this plot has been unforgivably rushed and strangely focused on people telling the Starks to rack off. They missed a step in their storytelling.

(14:05) This, I think, was actually one of Jon’s brightest moves all season. What does Jon lose by offering single combat? Nothing. What does Ramsay lose by refusing single combat? Well, if the writing was better, he should have lost respect at a critical time, as Jon points out. Compare Robb in season one, where he could safely refuse because he’d just proved his mettle in the field, changing the context of the offer so that accepting would have come across as hubris.

(14:24) Note Sansa participating in this conversation in spite of Ramsay’s presence and taunting.

(14:54) Note Sansa interrupting Ramsay with a death threat. And she rides off…before Ramsay says a damn thing about starving his dogs.

(15:17) Come to that, note Jon holding it together in spite of Ramsay’s repeated taunts about raping Sansa. Not the slightest hint of an outburst. All season, he’s kept it together well in this regard.

(16:07) Hey, it’s what Jon just mentioned! Military commanders in Westeros must be seen to be appropriately brave and daring and such, and only a solid track record of success (such as book!Stannis’ record) can help offset commanding from the rear. Therefore, there’s a political argument that Ramsay should consider starting the battle in the field rather than sitting it out behind his defensive fortification.

(16:17) Jon also engages in what should have been more foreshadowing - Ramsay’s army doesn’t want to fight for him. Thus far we’ve not seen the slightest hint of disloyalty, so this becomes another informed attribute, and again reflects poorly on Jon’s intelligence.

Sansa’s in the background looking unhappy.

(16:26) I hear that the shooting of this episode’s big battle was woefully mismanaged. I believed that the instant I heard it. You know why? Tormund’s concerned about Ramsay’s horses - not his disciplined infantry, which ends up posing much more of a threat to the Starks than anything else. Add that to Jon’s comments about an eleventh hour betrayal, I’m thinking this scene was scripted to set up a battle that wasn’t shot. If that’s the case, this scene needed to be redone.

(16:33) Jon says that “we’re digging trenches.” Not we will dig trenches. That’s in progress, apparently.

(16:48) Just so we know exactly the sort of manoeuvre Jon’s talking about, he puts it three different ways. Just go with the simplest version first.

(16:58) Establishing that it’s vital to hold position and make Ramsay charge. Also established: the need for the reserves to stay exactly where they are, so that when Ramsay does charge, he’ll be surrounded. Note that it’s Davos’ plan, not Jon’s.

(17:11) Man called ‘cunt’: 1.

(17:19) Jon talks about trying to make Ramsay angry, and Sansa sits in the background, glares, and says nothing.

(18:10) Sansa starts chewing out Jon for not asking her about Ramsay’s temperament. This is just. Just. It’s so lazy. It honestly makes my brain hurt how lazily and carelessly this scene was written.

Since she reunited with Jon, Sansa has been if anything more assertive than him in conversations with their advisors. Every political scene, save perhaps the ones with the Free Folk, has proceeded with Sansa willing, able, and welcome to contribute. Nobody on her own team has once tried to stop her talking - they haven’t always taken her advice, obviously, but nobody’s said “stop trying to help, Sansa.” The closest anyone’s come was Jon and his “you don’t have to be here” which is quite clearly based on the hurt she could suffer rather than how appropriate a woman’s presence might be in the discussion. This is supposed to be ‘sexist guys not asking Sansa for her expertise and opinion,’ but what I’m seeing is the men around Sansa quite reasonably assuming that if she had something to say, she’d speak up - like she’d been doing consistently and in far more interpersonally hostile situations, for the last half season. Including speaking up to Ramsay’s face a few hours before this scene.

It’s also apparent once again that nobody on Team Stark has talked to each other about anything of importance. They’re not even talking about the basic building blocks of a campaign with each other, things that both parties should know they need to discuss (needed to discuss, past tense, a few episodes back). I just keep coming back to the fact that it’s the writers who are ignorant, and haven’t been willing/able to compensate in a sensible manner. It’s all well and good to have these characters not agree and not get on very well, but this is some fake conflict right here.

(18:27) Sansa here makes a point of saying that Ramsay is better at manipulating people than Jon. True, but there was no need for the antagonism with which she said it. Seriously. If she’d honestly been slighted by Jon in the preceding conversation, I’d be way more sympathetic about catering to the male ego, but she wasn’t. Sansa’s picking a fight with Jon (and giving bad advice badly) for no better reason than the writers apparently want her and Jon to be rivals. Who gives a fuck about Sansa’s characterisation?

(18:48) Back to the point about Team Stark not talking about anything of importance - Sansa and Jon have not conferred about their siblings.

(19:04) Sansa’s claim that Rickon won’t live long in Ramsay’s care is somewhat undermined by the fact that Ramsay has kept Rickon alive for several episodes - and utterly ignores the fact that there’s good reason for not killing him in any way attributable to Ramsay. (If Sansa still believes “the North remembers.”)

(19:14) Like I said, this is lazily written. Sansa’s very, very upset about not being called on in class - but when Jon says “okay, Sansa, what should I do?” she says “I don’t know!” There’s no “he’s going to kill Rickon in front of you to make you charge him - be ready for it.” There’s no “he prefers to fight with a bow and shows favouritism to archers.” No “he’ll sacrifice ten of his own men to kill one of yours.” There’s nothing. No alternative course of action. No plan. No insight. Why wouldn’t Jon ignore the person whose only contribution is “you’re doing it wrong” with nothing to say about how it could be done better?

(19:30) Oh, and now we follow bad with worse!

One, Jon did let Sansa know his plans to attack Winterfell shortly, two episodes ago. She argued against it. She chose not to bring her strongest arguments to bear, and between that and not hearing back from the other Northern houses Jon (reasonably) decided that conditions were as good as they were ever going to get, and that they should think of a plan suited for a smaller force and do their best. “When will we have a larger force?” is an entirely valid question, and one Sansa needed to answer two episodes ago.

Two, Sansa’s still not offering anything better. If Jon had listened to her then they wouldn’t be in this situation now - but what does this do to fix the problem now, when all Sansa has to offer is “can’t help you, Jon!”

Three, and this is the big one. Sansa is lying. She has a good answer to “when will we have a larger force?” and is choosing to stay mum. If she tells Jon about the Knights of the Vale, he goes out there, rounds up some scouts, and sends them down the Kingsroad to meet and coordinate. He rejigs all their plans around stalling until the reinforcements arrive and getting into a position where Ramsay can be most effectively flanked by the Vale’s cavalry. I’ll come back to the consequences of this lie later. For now, I’ll just continue to hammer on the theme of Sansa lying because um reasons.

(20:19) “No one can protect anyone.” Strong, tough, cynical Sansa has seen the light…so to speak. It’s everyone for themselves. Collective action is futile and foolish. How I hate grimdark.

(20:55) Davos is sounding very anti-Stannis here, saying it was Stannis who defeated Stannis rather flippantly. Characterisation? Who needs that.

(21:19) Man called ‘cunt’: 2. In the context of Tormund telling Davos why he’s very very wrong to have cared about Stannis, of course.

(22:40) Melisandre sighting! It’s been a while!

(22:57) Jon goes to ask for advice from someone else and receives the helpful advice “don’t lose.”

(23:08) Also, legit dealing with Jon’s resurrection! It’s also been a while! It’s like he never died at all.

(23:31) In the ongoing saga of Mel’s humbling, she admits that she interprets the Lord of Light’s signs as best as she can.

(25:15) In the dark and the snow in the middle of the Northern countryside, Davos kicks over the exact log to reveal Shireen’s half-burned stag. What a coincidence. This may even remind him of who Shireen was.

(26:13) Theon making jokes about Tyrion’s height is also footage not found. Tyrion being an ass to Theon, on the other hand, that footage we can find.

Oh yeah, Yara and Theon are here now. They didn’t play any part in the battle that might have affected their characters or their relationship with others. They’re here to deliver ships. That’s all.

(26:52) “And [Theon] paid for it.” “Doesn’t seem like it.” Aah, mixed feelings! On the one hand, no, Theon has not faced the true consequenes of killing the orphan boys he passed off as Bran and Rickon. Unlike book!Theon thus far, show!Theon seems to appreciate the full gravity of the crime. On the other, I am so uncomfortable with the continued messaging that Theon deserved what Ramsay did to him and that he didn’t deserve to escape that treatment.

Also, notice how Dany doesn’t have a dedicated reaction shot. There is nothing to indicate to the audience that Dany is actively listening and forming her own opinions. She’s sitting in the background like a statue while Tyrion does the speaking.

(27:06) Dany first speaks here, after almost a full minute of Tyrion talking with Theon. Totally ignoring Yara, by the way. What a consummate professional. What diplomatic mastery.

The writers understand quippy dialogue. They don’t understand politics. And instead of trying to improve their understanding, they’re doubling down on dialogue that sounds nice and has no substance. While I’d normally be all for writers playing to their strengths as much as possible, this lack of understanding, and the focus on writing clever-sounding dialogue, is now opening up plotholes, inconsistencies, and implausibilities. It’s well past time to work on ameliorating the weakness.

(27:20) What went for Tyrion goes for Dany. They’re both ignoring Yara, even after they’re aware that Yara’s the one claiming. And why weren’t they aware of this going into this meeting? Um. Reasons. Please ignore the fact that neither Dany nor Tyrion did their homework.

(28:05) Theon continues to do most of the speaking, offering the military details and the narrative of how the Greyjoy siblings came to Meereen.

(28:25) There’s that sensitive nuanced representation I’ve been looking for! After the show revealed Yara was into women, she starts hitting on the very next woman to cross her path, no matter that this may not be the most appropriate time and place for flirting (while her brother does most of the talking about politics). Will this trend continue? Have you seen the season seven trailer? Plus queerbaiting, yay!

(28:51) “We’d like you to help us murder an uncle or two who doesn’t think a woman’s fit to rule.” “Reasonable.” I’m sorry, what? Is this exchange supposed to be feminist? How is this anything but a bad cartoon of feminism?

(29:32) Yara has become pro-reaving here. She wasn’t back in Volantis when she was paying the gold price for sex (with a slave), she wasn’t with Balon, she was in the Kingsmoot - script can’t decide whether Yara is Asha or Victarion.

(29:39) Ah, Yara waiting on a nod of approval from Theon.

(29:49) Unlike Theon and Yara, Dany did most of her political talking for herself. So naturally she looks back to Tyrion for a nod of approval. It’s a pattern. It needs to stop.

(30:06) In spite of Jon saying “we’re digging trenches,” present tense, in this aerial shot of the battlefield there is nary a trench in sight. Guys, I think they made massive changes to the shooting of the battle sequence and never bothered to redo the scene that sets up the battle sequence, accidentally making their protagonists look utterly incompetent in the process.

(30:34) Protagonist power denies all need for a helmet. But then again, Jon did have his face smashed into an anvil back in 4.09.

(31:00) Wun Wun is barehanded. He killed seventeen wights in a few minutes back at Hardhome once he had a club. Why would you give him a club now? Or a bow? Geez, maybe Jon wouldn’t have sent scouts to coordinate with the Vale Knights if he knew about them, if this is what he calls putting military assets to use.

(31:23) Ramsay’s 20 good men strike again, this time erecting a bunch of flaming Bolton crosses on the battlefield without the light giving them away. It has to be the 20 good men. Who else has that sort of skill?

Such wanton cruelty seems like it ought to be foreshadowing something…

(32:35) Ramsay led Rickon Stark, on a leash, through his entire army, and nobody batted an eyelid. No reaction. Not even the disapproving looks that Stannis burning Shireen garnered. The North Remembers!

(33:29) Poor Sapochnik’s got his work cut out for him here, trying to make Art Parkinson look shorter than Iwan Rheon.

(34:17) Ironically, and unacknowledged by the script, acting with such alacrity to try and save his legitimate half-brother is one of the best political moves Jon Snow could make. Bastard Jon charging selflessly across the field towards Ramsay Bolton in order to save the last (so far as anyone else knows) trueborn son of Ned Stark? Looks good by Westerosi standards! Very heroic! After that people would find it hard to say Jon didn’t care for his siblings and wasn’t doing his utmost for House Stark.

And, to be honest, I have rarely liked show!Jon more than in this moment, when he puts himself on the line for his brother. What follows is less good, but this itself was right and noble.

(34:30) Starks are too honourable to dodge arrows. This is the only explanation for the dead straight path Rickon takes to Jon.

(34:32) Ramsay starts firing arrows at the last known surviving trueborn son of Ned Stark, in what is clearly a cruel game, and nobody bats an eyelid at this either. The North Remembers!

(35:27) God I hate watching that. Thought Rickon was going to make it? You and everyone who hoped it is stupid. Including Jon Snow. He should have been smart like Sansa and written him off. Deaths: 30. Ramsay kills Rickon. Enjoy a few seconds of watching a young boy choke on his own blood as he dies inches away from his rescuer.

(36:30) Jon cracks and charges. After several seasons of actually being able to control his temper and emotions - including not responding to taunts about Ned, not chasing after Bran when he learned Bran was alive, and keeping it together when a man he knows raped his sister was making jokes about doing it again to her face - he cracks now because the plot demands he cracks. This is admittedly not the biggest stretch here, but I’m just saying, “Jon can’t control his temper” has been consistently untrue for the past few seasons, and breaks just when the narrative needs him to the most.

(36:34) Enjoy a few more seconds of a young boy’s dead body being riddled with arrows as he lies on the ground! Feel bad, everyone. Feel bad.

(37:27) Ramsay surveys what he has done and smirks. I don’t get the writing of this episode, I really don’t. Right up until the end of this episode, Ramsay has no setbacks, no failures. He’s plot-invincible. Here it means he uses the exact same battle plan as the protagonists, but better! Because he is the better plotter! And there is nothing the protagonists can do about it except throw more men at the problem. I don’t understand. I really don’t. The protagonists are already fighting the odds, the episode can work if they’re not also fighting their own incompetence.

(38:19) I do love the moment when Jon’s dramatic slow-mo is cut off and overtaken by the charge from his own side. Very nice. It actually makes me laugh! Yeah, he’s implausibly uninjured, but this is the man who only got a bloody lip from having his face smashed into an anvil.

(38:23-25) Deaths: 31, 32, 33, 34, 35. Not counting the horses. Poor horses.

(38:33) Deaths: 36.

(38:45) Davos mentions that if they fired they’d hit their own men, while Ramsay goes ahead and fires anyway. This is a well-executed contrast, and draws well from Roose Bolton’s tactics of firing on his own men in the confusion of battle (when those “own” men belong to his regional rivals). But again, it seems like Ramsay’s callous disregard for his people ought to be leading up to something…

(38:54-55) Deaths: 38, 39.

(38:58) Deaths: 40.

(39:02) Deaths: 41. I really like how this is shot, I really do. Unlike Dany’s sweeping aerial views of her conflict, this really gets to the confusion and chaos on the ground.

(39:07) Deaths: 42. Jon kills a mook.

(39:10) Deaths: 43. Jon kills a second mook.

(39:14-15) Then his plot armour kicks in again and he miraculously avoids a volley of arrows. Deaths: 44. Jon kills a third Bolton soldier.

(39:18) Deaths: 44.

(39:23) Deaths: 45. Jon kills a fourth Bolton soldier.

(39:28) Deaths: 46. And a fifth.

(39:39-40) Deaths: 47. A sixth and a seventh.

(39:49) Deaths: 48. And an eighth.

(39:52) Deaths: 49.

(39:55) Deaths: 50.

(39:59) Deaths: 51, 52.

(40:03) Deaths: 53.

(40:10) Deaths: 54.

(40:11-12) Deaths: 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60.

(40:17) Deaths: 61. Jon kills a ninth Bolton soldier.

(40:19-20) Deaths: 62. Tenth and eleventh Bolton soldiers.

Throughout all this, the action’s been punctuated by Ramsay calling “nock, draw, loose,” though we only ever hear “loose.” That bit of writing is good, the direction is excellent.

(40:26) Deaths: 63.

(40:29-30) Deaths: 64, 65, 66.

(40:35-37) Deaths: 67, 68, 69, 70.

(40:39) Deaths: 71. Jon kills a twelfth Bolton soldier.

(40:41) Deaths: 72. Jon kills a thirteenth Bolton soldier.

(40:44) Deaths: 73.

(40:45) Deaths: 74. Jon kills a fourteenth Bolton soldier, and he’s starting to sound a little tired and distressed.

(40:48) Deaths: 75. Fifteenth Bolton soldier down at Jon’s blade.

(40:49) Deaths: 76. Sixteenth!

(40:52) Deaths: 77, 78.

(40:54) Deaths: 79.

More importantly, we’re slowly panning out to reveal a giant pile of corpses. This…should not have happened. We saw that the battle was on flat-ish land. No river. No bridge. No rock formations in the way, no walls. Nothing. In medieval battles, these piles of corpses form when there’s a chokepoint of some description. Which isn’t present in this battle. The piles of bodies aren’t going to get that big without some sort of barrier, because without those barriers, the battle can move around the obstacle of the corpses, distributing them more evenly across the landscape.

But it looks cool and that’s all that matters, right? Right.

(41:06) Having established earlier in the episode that Davos hanging back is essential to Stark forces not getting flanked, he compounds Jon’s error by charging as well. It’s official - everyone in a position of power on Team Stark is incompetent. Jon got provoked despite being warned. Sansa’s actively sabotaging their chances of success by denying information. Tormund doesn’t know what a pincer movement is. And Davos is disobeying orders.

Davos even specifically gets off his still-living horse so he doesn’t have the advantage of being a mounted warrior on the field of battle. Amazing.

(41:12) We also cut straight to Ramsay watching this development and reacting to it. Like a battle commander might.

(41:43) Deaths: 80. Jon kills a seventeenth soldier.

(41:50) Deaths: 81. Tormund kills a soldier. He’s got a lot of catching up to do.

(42:19) Jon Snow (who hasn’t had a line aside from “hyah!” or “aaaaaaaaaargh!” for twenty minutes) and Tormund simply watch as the Bolton infantry forms an impeccable shield wall around their forces. This was supposed to be cavalry. They made do with infantry. It’s very silly, because doing this with infantry is so slow, it’s contingent on the entire Stark force taking a halftime break for gatorade and oranges while the Boltons get into position.

(42:24) The aerial shots only make it worse, because you can see how slowly this happens, comparatively.

(43:00) It’s nice that Ramsay’s had time to train up his peasant levies so well and found the money to outfit them with such wonderful, anachronistic tower shields. They do make a lovely shield wall, and move in an impeccably timed fashion.

Copy/pasting from historical battles does not historical accuracy make. Nor good historical synthesis into a fictional universe.

(43:01-3) Deaths: 82, 83.

(43:08) Deaths: 84.

This is supposed to be very serious, as the lack of music tells me, but it’s such a ridiculous development in the battle I can’t stop laughing.

(43:19) Deaths: 85.

(43:34) Deaths: 86. Jon kills an eighteenth soldier.

(43:40) Deaths: 87. Wun Wun kills a soldier.

(43:51) Deaths: 88. Tormund kills a second soldier.

(43:55) Deaths: 89. Jon kills a nineteenth soldier.

(43:58-44:00) Deaths: 90, 91. The Smalljon kills two Free Folk.

(44:02-06) Deaths: 92, 93, 94, 95. Truly amazing gout of fake blood on that last one.

(44:14) We’re depicting the horrors of war here, so have some shots of men with their guts hanging out, men with their legs chopped off, and blood everywhere.

(44:20) Deaths: 96. Jon’s twentieth kill.

(44:25) Deaths: 97. Wun Wun kills a second soldier.

(44:28-9) Deaths: 98, 99, 100!

(44:31-2) Deaths: 101, 102.

(44:35) Deaths: 103. Tormund kills a third soldier.

(45:11-2) Deaths: 104, 105. It’s pretty scary, how this implausible shield wall is backing the implausibly trapped force into the implausible mountain of corpses.

(45:17) Deaths: 106. The Smalljon kills a third man.

(45:19) Deaths: 107. Jon kills soldier #21!

(45:33) Previous establishing shots established the lack of room for anyone to run in this tight little circle of death. But Jon’s forces found the freedom to charge over him because drama.

(45:49) Deaths: 108.

(46:09) Implausibility aside, this moment where Jon’s suffocating is a well-executed one. With the muted audio, it really does feel chaotic and trapped.

(46:30) Deaths: 109.

(47:31) What’s that? A horn? I wonder what it could be!

(47:39) Deaths: 110. Tormund kills the Smalljon. Hey, he might be sixteen kills off the lead, but he did take out a named character/elite mook.

(47:48) Everyone called this moment.

(48:16) Littlefinger (and Sansa) save the day! Or, it’s supposed to be Sansa saves the day. It’s not. Sansa bears a hefty goddamn chunk of responsibility for the deaths today. There’s not much credit to be laid at her door and an awful lot of blame.

If she had told Jon about this force in 6.07, the batttle would not have taken place as it did, saving a lot of Stark-affiliated lives. If she had told Jon about this force earlier this episode, the battle would not have taken place as it did, saving a lot of Stark-affiliated lives. She knew what would persuade Jon to delay the battle, and she didn’t bring that information to bear. This is either stupidity or malice. Out-of-episode comments state that Sansa wanted the credit - so malice it is!

More blame should go to the writers, who created the situation where the only plausible in-universe explanations are stupidity or malice. This save would be just about perfect if Sansa had been in the Vale the whole time, totally isolated from Jon’s planning process, and only rocking up for the first time now.

(48:31) Ramsay looks shocked, shocked! At the fact that his perfectly planned battle has been wrecked by these last minute intruders. If only he had known that Moat Cailin fell at the start of the season! Or that there was a massive army marching up the Kingsroad, all sneaky like!

(48:41) And more to the point, Sansa got a lot of people killed right here. I have a nice picture to illustrate this.

Oops. There’s a reason the camera cuts away from this before you see the Bolton forces crumble.

(48:49) Deaths: 111.

(49:12) It’s time for the named characters to assault Winterfell solo!

(49:32) Deaths: 112.

(49:58) The downfall of Ramsay begins here, as he fails to process that the appearance of the Vale army means that he’s lost. Okay, this is supposed to be a Hitler-esque descent into madness and denial…but such a decision puts Ramsay’s psyche front and centre. What have the protagonists done to earn this victory?

(50:10) Far from betraying him, at the sound of knocking on Winterfell’s gate, Bolton men rally to defend themselves and Ramsay. The Night’s Watch didn’t do this when Wun Wun broke their gate.

(50:56-58) Deaths: 113, 114, 115, 116, 117.

(51:02-3) Deaths: 118, 119, 120.

(51:06-7) Deaths: 121, 122, 123, 124.

(51:20) Deaths: 125.

(51:32) Deaths: 126. Thought you’d seen the end of Jon reaching out to someone he cared about and Ramsay putting an arrow through them? Think again! Ramsay kills his second named character of the episode.

(52:02) This confrontation between Jon and Ramsay could also be spun in an extremely Jon-friendly way. I can definitely see how the average Northerner could come away from the battle thinking Jon was 100% the hero of this particular story. The viewer does not occupy the perspective of the average Northerner. Nor should most of the nobles participating.

(53:17) When Riverrun was retaken, after a mere two episodes in the location, it was the subject of a dramatic montage. Here we have Winterfell, the object of two seasons worth of campaigning, and the replacing of the banners is done in a few seconds, followed by a reaction shot of Melisandre. Because of all the people present, Melisandre would get the most satisfaction from seeing Stark banners on the walls again.

(53:29) Looks like Davos really did remember about Shireen! About time!

(54:00) Jon uses words! It’s been about half an hour since he had a line! That line also establishes that Ned’s bones were returned to Winterfell, because who cares about the ongoing plot thread that’s obviously going to culminate in Ned’s bones being returned to his home in honour and mourned properly by all his surviving children.

(54:31) Ramsay is injured. He’s bound.

(55:34) Wow, when Ramsay’s hurt, his villain lines take a turn for the corny. “You can’t kill me, I’m part of you.”

(55:59) I see the kennel door is open and there is a dog waiting there patiently for her cue. I checked with my editor, but he didn’t seem to think there was a problem with this.

(56:26) “You haven’t fed them in seven days. You said it yourself.” Continuity is a bitch. Literally, in this case. Sansa wasn’t there for that line. Did Jon give her a word-for-word after-action report?

(56:36) This is supposed to be what goes around comes around. Metaphorical and all. But nobody turned on Ramsay. His men fought for him to the death. Even in the battle we saw more Stark forces breaking and running than we did Bolton forces.

Nor was Ramsay defeated by the actions of any protagonist this season. Sansa spent most of the season lying, sabotaging Stark chances to win; Jon and Davos both made massive mistakes in the battle itself. What defeated Ramsay was a third army popping up out of “nowhere", maintained and motivated by Littlefinger for the past two seasons.

The protagonists did not deserve this victory, and Ramsay’s rise and fall were both dictated by the whims of the plot, rather than character writing.

(57:17) Deaths: 127. Sansa kills Ramsay.

(57:49) And Sansa smiles as she walks away, closing out the episode on the note of how empowering we should all find rape-and-revenge plots, rather than justice being done. I still firmly believe what I said here and here, when this episode first came out. These days this show isn’t just a bad show, it’s an immoral show.

Game of Numbers S06E09

Deaths: 127. Series high. It’ll stand for a single episode. Let’s break this down a bit...

Dany kills eleven sailors. Grey Worm kills two Masters. Daario kills a Son of the Harpy. Tormund kills three Bolton soldiers and the Smalljon. Wun Wun kills two Bolton soldiers. The Smalljon kills three Free Folk. Ramsay kills Rickon and Wun Wun. Sansa kills Ramsay, her first kill for the series. But it’s Jon who dominates this count, taking out a full twenty-one Bolton soldiers.

Woman called ‘cunt’: 0.

Man called ‘cunt’: 2.

#anti got #fine toothed comb edition #cw: violence #cw: rape #the climax of two seasons of terrible plots #season six

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