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jynrso · 2 years

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we all need someone to lean on

i did want to give a slight tw for internalized ableism –– cassian feels as if he's useless and a burden bc of his back injury. i hope i made it clear here with jyn's support + love but i just want to reiterate that you are NOT a burden!!

read it on ao3!

“You know I’m not dying, right?” The words spill out of his mouth before he can stop them, slightly tinged in irritation, and he immediately regrets it. He’s not mad at her, not really, it’s just. . . stars, he hates feeling like this, like some sort of burden.

Ever since Scarif, he’s been wracked with back pain. Even on his best days, there’s always a hint of soreness up and down his spine, a small limp that he’s never been able to shake. At his worst, he can barely get out of bed, shoulders hunched as he struggles to make his way around the base, pointedly ignoring the cane resting against the wall near their bed.

Today’s one of the bad ones.

Jyn pauses, narrowing her eyes. Her words are neutral but there’s an undertone of annoyance that only someone who knows her well could pick up on. “Am I not allowed to still care for you?”

His mouth pinches, eyes closing briefly as he sighs out a pained breath into his pillow. Even though it’s her, he feels oddly vulnerable in this position, with him laying on his stomach and her on the other side of him, hands hovering over the muscles of his back.

Taking a few seconds, he says softly, apologetically, “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” Her voice is still too sharp from where she’s kneeling next to him. Though she’s not moving, he can feel her presence next to him, the ghost of her hands against his skin.

How is he supposed to articulate how difficult this is for him? To let her in, to let her help, when all of his instincts are screaming at him to push her away? To find somewhere private and lick his wounds by himself, to force himself to power through it until he physically cannot anymore?

Jyn’s voice cuts through his thoughts like a knife. “I get it, you know.”

He turns his head sideways on the pillow to look at her properly. All of the sudden, she looks exhausted, an expression that’s likely mirrored on his own face: dark bags underneath her eyes, jaw clenched and strained. As always, he wants to reach for her but he doesn’t move, just stays silent and waits for her to continue; he has a suspicion of how this is going to go.

(Sometimes, he forgets just how similar they really are.)

“I get it,” she repeats. “It’s easier to hide or pull away or –– whatever it is you want to do right now.” She reaches out and pauses before she touches his face. Cassian swallows, then nods imperceptibly to let her know the touch is all right, and she brushes a bit of hair off of his forehead tenderly. Her gaze is soft. “Believe me, I know. How many times has the medbay comm’d you saying I left without being discharged first?”

Too many to count.

“But you don’t have to hurt alone, Cassian.” She tilts her head to the side, eyes searching. “Not with me here. You don't have to hide from me.”

He blinks, surprised at the moisture that’s gathered in the corner of his eyes. For a few seconds, he can’t do anything but lay there, his mind racing to process the words she’s just said. His heart clenches in his chest, so overwhelmed with love for the woman next to him.

"And before you go thinking it," she adds, "I want to be here."

The thought of her hiding her pain from him sends him reeling, even though it’s not surprising; on the few occasions where she had hidden an injury from him, he had thought he would fall apart in anger or disbelief at her foolishness, wishing that she would just tell him so he could help.

And yet it hadn’t crossed his mind that she might feel the same –– that she’s been feeling the same, watching him push through his pain day after day without letting her in.

Stiffly, he pushes himself up off his stomach. When Jyn puts her hands on his arms to help him up, he lets her, doesn’t brush her hands away. Then, without saying a word, he leans forward to gather her in his arms, holding her to his chest.

“I want you here,” he murmurs into her hair. He knows that she knows that but it’s worth repeating. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped.”

Her hands snake up around his back, holding onto him gently so as not to strain the injury fuller. “You don’t need to apologize,” she says in response, her voice muffled by his shirt. “In your position, I probably would have done the same.”

She pauses, then amends with a slight quirk of her lips, “I have done the same.”

She pulls back slightly, reaching up to cradle his face between her palms. Her thumb traces his cheekbone and his eyes close instinctively. “I know it’s hard,” she whispers. “I know it is. All I ask is that you try to let me in.”

That’s more than reasonable. He opens his eyes, looking down at her. He is not the only one who aches. “Only if you do the same.”

She makes a face at that, grimacing slightly, but only takes a few seconds to agree. It’s a dirty move, leveraging his health to get her to take care of her own, but he feels no remorse for doing so. “ –– Fine.”

A half-smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. “Good.”

“Now, if you’re really dead set on making it up to me. . .” He doesn’t like the mischievous look that passes over her face. “I downloaded some massage tutorials from the medbay. Want to be my first test subject?”

A few minutes ago, he isn’t sure he would have said yes. In light of their recent conversation, however, he wants to prove to her that he’s trying, no matter how hard it is for him to let her in like this. Underneath everything, he still feels like a burden. But as he studies her face, he doesn’t see anything except earnestness, paired with the slightest hint of worry. No irritation at his uselessness, no annoyance that she’s stuck here with him like this.

He rolls his eyes at her fondly, glad that the playful atmosphere has returned. “Not too much experimenting, okay?” he grunts as he turns to lay down on his stomach once again. His muscles twinge in protest. As he does, an idea pops into his head; now it’s his turn to smirk up at her. “And only if you let me return the favor.”

“Oh, Captain,” she practically purrs, running her hands up and down his back. He stifles a laugh into the pillow at her ridiculousness. Force, he loves this woman. “Now that can be arranged.”

#rebelcaptain #rebelcaptain fic #rogue one fic #jyn erso/cassian andor #star wars fic #my writing

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emmaswcns · 2 years

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see now, is it too obvious if I send you Emma and 003 for that ask game? (also, swan queen for 002) ? :)

LIBBY YOU ARE MY FAVORITE PERSON THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS INDULGING ME AND LETTING ME MAKE POSTS ABOUT OUAT AND EMMA AND SWANQUEEN <3333 @bewilderedmoth

( and no it is never too obvious, pls continue to send me ask games about emma and her wife so i can scream about them bc somebody actually asked !! )

How I feel about this character: she is the light of my life and i would die for her and i love her so so so so much and she's amazing. but no, really, emma swan is such an interesting character and she hits all the emotions for me that i want to feel when i'm watching a show and following a character's life/journey

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: emma x regina, emma x neal, emma x ruby, emma x lily (in very certain ways), emma x hook (......since it's canon and emma is apparently happy.......)

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: emma & august, the charming family trio, emma & elsa, emma & mary margaret (not snow lmao), emma & henry, the swan-mills family trio, emma & neal

My unpopular opinion about this character: uhhhhhhhh... her wedding dress was AWFUL and s5 emma swan on was no longer emma swan and just some alien inhabiting her body and that's that on that :))))

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i'm not gonna be generic and say swanqueen should've been endgame bc i don't even know if i believe that (yes sq should've been a romantic ship > cs but i don't know if i would've wanted it to be endgame.....does that make sense???) but i think emma's happy ending should've been henry and her family. i don't think they needed to make her happy ending a man (*regina voice* my happy ending isn't a man *emma voice* of course not) or romance at all. her happy ending should've been finding her family, finding her home, finding her purpose and just being HAPPY with that. the show emphasized her happy ending was hook and that's just... not on par with s1 emma's hopes and dreams for her future imo. like yes i'm happy she found her 'true love' and all that, but her true love should've always been henry and that's that.

Favorite friendship for this character: emma and august are just so cute. i think fic made me like them more but they are honestly the cutest little brotp ever. also neal and emma's friendship towards the end when he realizes he wasn't going to get to be w her romantically... zsxdcfgvh. the little cassidy-swan-mills family would've been A+++ television and i wish we got to witness some of that :(

My crossover ship: i don't rly have one but @swiftbarnes will understand when i say megan fox lmao. no i will not elaborate past that :')

(also just look at their adorable lil height difference i'm dead)

When I started shipping them: i honestly do not remember?? i remember back in the day when ouat was still airing, swanqueen was a dirty word and i remember finding a ficlet or whatever very late one night and i read it and i was like ..... oops? and then i kept it very secret from my other friends who watched the show bc it was so ~wrong~ to ship regina & emma. so i'd say somewhere around s4b i think??

My thoughts: i have no thoughts. head empty when it comes to these two. i have so many feelings and thoughts that i can't even articulate them. emma and regina made so much more sense than any other romantic ship in the entire show besides snowing. like... they understand each other on such an insane level. they are the only ones who can get through to each other. regina is the only one who can handle emma and emma is the only one who can handle regina. hook cannot understand or handle emma and robin definitely cannot understand or handle regina. like it's so fucking PERFECT lmaoooo

What makes me happy about them: their growth together. like watching emma go from 'i don't care what happens to you' to 'you've worked too hard to have your happiness destroyed *sacrifices self to save regina*' and regina going from 'how do i get the saviour to taste my forbidden fruit?' (aka trying to poison and kill emma) to 'you made me a monster but i will not let you do the same to emma' ........ like how can you not fall in love w their parallels and how they share a son and how they bonded over that love for henry?!?!? it's amazing and beautiful to watch lmao

What makes me sad about them: that after a certain point, the scenes with emma and regina dwindled away to make room for captain swan and outlaw queen. i know there's a lot of 'controversy' around this, ppl saying jennifer morrison didn't want to film scenes w lana anymore bc of swanqueen fans (is there any truth to this btw?) and/or that the writers were trying (and failing) to make the sq viewers focus on anything else besides sq... it all just felt so forced and blaaaaaaah

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: i haven't read any fic where anything has bothered me lmao. i do want to find more enchanted forest fics though! like princess emma/princess regina! i can only ever find knight!emma and princess!regina, so if anyone can send some of those my way, pls do so! <33

Things I look for in fanfic: i honestly read almost anything and i don't really look for anything specifically character wise out of fics. if the plotline sounds good and the writing is good, i'm 100% into it lmao

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: i guess emma x hook & regina x robin. i know robin fucked off in the show and regina apparently found a new love in s7 which i haven't watched, but i did actually enjoy outlaw queen more than captain swan

My happily ever after for them: regardless of being together or not, i just wanted their happy ending to be henry and the little family they made. emma and regina have both been yearning to feel at home in the world, and i think it ending with the 5 of them at granny's eating a meal together and just being happy would've been the cutest ending for them. i didn't watch s7 so idk what really happens, but i am happy that regina ends up being coronated as the good queen or whatever so i'm happy for her in that respect but emma's ending sucked SO lmao

#libby tag #bewilderedmoth #wow these answers got long #ask games #swanqueen #swan queen #once upon a time

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nichester · 4 years

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Please tell me all your thoughts on Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon! And that Ending!

SCREAM ok sorry I took so long to reply to this but I had to calm down first because this is like the Dream Question and I need to savor the moment.

Ok. So I watched Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon in middle school and LOVED it, and as I've gotten older and watched it as an adult, my opinion of it has only gotten higher. At the time, it was one of my experiences with foreign-language film (which I love exploring today), it was one of the first movies that was visually striking enough to spark my interest in film-making, and it was my first introduction to wuxia/martial arts films (which I love and tbh have spent quarantine mainlining). On top of that, we all know I love an action movie and this is an INCREDIBLE action film like… seriously… mindblowing. So this is where my very deep love for it comes from--that it is a beautiful movie in its own right, but also that it has helped introduce me to so many other things that I love!

Now to my thoughts on the ending. It's taken me a long time (literal years. I've been thinking about this movie for literal years.) to figure out what the ending means to me and what I think Ang Lee is trying to say, and I think this is going to be the first time I try to articulate any of those thoughts so please bear with me! Im actually gonna put a readmore bc this got out of control even by my standards.

One of the reasons I love this film so deeply is the relationship between Shu Lien and Jen as friends, enemies, and overall narrative foils. (And Jade Fox but my feelings on her are… complicated. And would take up way too much space!) Both are women who pursue martial arts despite the limitations placed on them because of their gender. Both are thwarted in love due, again, to the societal roles that they must play.

CTHD is very much a movie about social roles and responsibilities. Where is the line between duty and imprisonment? What happens to people who trespass outside of their expected role? Shu Lien has operated inside of the system all of her life, and while she takes pride in what she has accomplished, she also carries a great deal of pain due to the things her social role as a woman warrior has denied her (she is only allowed to progress to a certain level of martial arts training for one thing, not to mention her inability to pursue a relationship with Li Mu Bai). Shu Lien encourages Jen to take a different path from herself, but still advises her to stick to an acceptable role within the system--to be a wife rather than a fighter. Jen finds both options unacceptable. To be a wife she would have to deny her talents and the love she found with Lo (there's a lot to say about Lo and social roles but im TRYING to stay focused). To train in Wudang like Shu Lien would also be restrictive since she would be surrounded by higher knowledge that is forbidden to women. While Shu Lien has the perspective of age and has long ago accepted the life that is available to her, Jen is young, brilliant, and filled with rage. She refuses to choose a place within the patriarchal system and instead is looking to burn the whole system to the ground. But because this is a tragedy, and because the film is aware that systemic problems cannot be solved by individual solutions, no matter how high those individuals fly, she was never going to be able to do that. Within this system there is no way for women to be true to all parts of themselves; there is only the freedom to choose what you are willing to sacrifice. Similarly, there is no justice in this world, only revenge.

CTHD is about a talented young woman who is trapped and hurt by misogyny so she lashes out blindly. Unable to attack the abstract thing that is the actual cause of her (and the other female characters') trauma--the patriarchal system--she attacks individuals who have come to represent that system to her. She is unable to distinguish between the system she seeks to destroy and people like Shu Lien and Li Mu Bai, who are only trying to live the best lives that they can within the limits imposed on them. The patriarchy remains, unbothered and entirely unaware of Jen's rage, and only individuals suffer. (Me. I suffer.)

At the end, struggling under the weight of the suffering she has caused, but still unable to resign herself to a life within the patriarchal system, Jen seeks an impossible escape. The myth her jump mirrors tells us to take her flight as a sign that whatever higher power exists has heard her pain and understands her struggle. Flinging herself into the air, she is trusting a mythical ideal, searching for an enlightenment that may not exist, at least not in the world as she experiences it. I tend to think that the ending implies she finds that ideal--a world in which she is free to live like she is meant to--but that is not the only interpretation.

I am now realizing I wrote all of this when you really just asked about the ending but. Here you go anyway :)

#crouching tiger hidden dragon #seriously i was so excited about this ask i cant even tell you #my sister was like... did you send this to yourself?#asks and replies

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angelic-guardienne · 6 years

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I just realized that I, a lifetime resident of Ignis Hell, never made a post on my thoughts on Episode Ignis!! So I’ll do that now I guess while everyone is asleep and not tag anyone because... yeah.

Spoilers galore bc I don’t know if I can write a coherent review w/o spoiling some things. Just a head’s up, this isn’t really the most comprehensive review, it’s more just me rambling a bit, maybe I’ll do a deeper one later but for now it’s just a bit of a ramble. (this got progressively less comprehensive as the post goes on so just... process with caution)

Cut!!

Um where to start... okay, the gameplay.

I’d actually played with Ignis a bit in the main game before heading to his DLC, meaning I had a brief familiarity with his controls (so I wasn’t panicking like “hoLY SHIT bells and wHISTLes”), I just hadn’t known what the specializations were for, so that was nice. I like the way he controls. He’s very smooth, sometimes he moves a bit too fast for my eyes (looking at that lightning magic) but other than that loved it. Loved him. Wonderful controls. Heard the blizzard power was OP and I concur. I used it a lot, mostly switched between blizzard and fire, was rarely seen hitting that lightning unless it was for a Total Clarity attack, and even then... the fire. the blizzard.

Ignis’ battle cries! Lovely. I don’t understand the “you’re mine!” trend that seems to appear in every game I play, but it sounded great coming from his lips, so yeah, seal of approval.

I thank the lord every day for Adam Croasdell.

Ignis taking down those huge MT armors with the lance in two blows! (i’m talking before that segment with Ravus... which I’ll address later i’m sure) I’m a big fan of that. If I saw him do that irl i’d literally collapse. I almost collapsed just watching him do it in the game, but i was already sitting so i didn’t.

(There were many moments during the dlc where i literally collapsed, but let’s get into that later)

But going back to the voice acting. I heard that some people thought it was rather poor but I found it really great? Ignis sounded a little bit whiny at times and completely done with everyone and everything at others and I loved it. He always conveyed the right emotions.

There were those moments of course (you guys know the one. where he pushes off the MTs in the “resist” timeline. and just. keeps screaming. you know the one) but they just made me laugh a bit instead of driving me away. I look fondly on them.

There were actually a lot of moments that made me laugh in this dlc, serious as it was, i just. must have a very lowkey sadistic part of me. I always laughed at the sad parts of movies as a child. anyways. before i talk about those let’s get into these

these being ravus

ravus ravus ravus. my boy. i loved him before and i love him even more now. i’ve had a ravus/oc in the works for a while now and... and now i have a soulmate au in the works as well. help. this just came to mind. i’m sinking further and further into ravus hell on a daily

won’t even get into ardyn hell

back to ravus

love my boy. wanna hug my boy. i knew he was gonna take luna’s death very poorly but i thought we were gonna get a grief scene and be done with it but we got a grief boss battle (which... was hard. he’s so op like... help. the whole time he was on my team i was so happy i didn’t have to fight him and then...) and not one, but TWO grief heavy scenes so i was beyond satisfied. it was great.

uhhhh ravy’s beard. 3/10 lol. it’s starting to grow on me though (in a metaphorical sense. i can’t grow a beard.) someone give him a candy cane and put him in red and call him kris

uhhh

(this is getting less and less coherent as we go and i’m sorry)

i’m sorry ravus’ beard is so hilarious. did he grow it because there wasn’t anyone around anymore to tell him not to? whoops made myself sad haha

Oh! let’s talk about ardyn!

loved all the ardyn content. ardyn made me laugh and curse a lot, mostly laugh because... so theatric. the hat (you know the lil pat pat he gives that MT soldier he puts his hat on) and his little scandalized noises (the gasp he makes when ignis presents the ring in the alt ending) and that fucking scene where he’s revealed to be a grave robber and summons the armiger like it’s snowing outside

which it probably was

beside the point

Ardyn was good in this dlc. thank you Darin de Paul. lovely. his evil laughs... chills down my spine. but he evil laughs in a way that makes me both want to punch him and laugh with him. ardyn ignites emotions in me that i cannot name. not good ones, but ones all the same.

seriously though even if i wasn’t a fan of ardyn, ardyn was great in this. he’s slimy as hell and honestly... wow. he seemed like he was losing him mind a bit in this dlc and i love it. i’m 99% sure it was because of the ring. ardyn’s always a little bit crazier when it comes to the ring and this was allllll about the ring. so kudos for making it a trend

i... have a lot of thoughts about ardyn here. i just can’t express them correctly right now. ask me about them later and maybe i’ll be able to articulate. i’m sick and barely awake and all my brain is giving me is an “ardyn? cool bro” help.

there was more i said i’d come back around and talk about. um.

that mini stealth segment with ravus! wild. literally collapsed and almost missed the quicktime event in the second one. now i wanna replay the episode just to see what happens when i miss the quicktime events. i wanna do that with all of them actually. catch me doing that after i pick up my controller again. missing literally every. quicktime. event.

WAIT CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT PART WHERE IGNIS FUCKING FLINGS HIS DAGGER INTO THE FACE OF AN MT

BECAUSE THAT WAS HOT AS ALL HELL

HE JUST CASUALLY THREW IT

ALSO IGNIS HOLDING HIS DAGGERS BACKHAND IS MY WEAKNESS

WILL NEVER GET OVER EITHER OF THOSE THINGS

ohhh let’s talk about the parts where i literally collapsed.

1) when the eastern bridge collapsed just as ignis was about to cross it and he looked so done

2) when ravus and ignis did their stealth takedowns

3) when ignis was all “i presume you weren’t born with a prosthetic” like igNIS

4) when ardyn summoned his entire armiger to fire at ignis in the alt end

5) every time ignis screamed in general

6) when ardyn’s sword hit igs in the face and knocked him out

7) “This world means nothing to me. Do with it as you wish.”

8) AND THE LAUGH THAT IGNIS LETS OUT AFTER THAT LINE

9) when i got the bad fucking end because time limits

10) when ravus found lunafreya’s dead body and immediately went into rage mode

11) when ragey ravus attacked ignis

12) when ardyn showed up as gladio

13) obvi. ignis taking down the huge mts

14) while screeching in frustration, whenever ignis fell off of the fucking rooftops

15) oh, when ignis ripped off his earpiece

now let’s talk about the moments that made me laugh bc there were... admittedly quite a few

1) “Don’t be asinine.”

2) the way ardyn fuckin gasped when he saw that ignis had the ring in the alt ending

3) ignis pushing those MTs off of him in the “resist” timeline

4) ignis sprinting?

5) caligo immediately (and... ineffectively) trying to drag Ravy’s edges as soon as the man was out of earshot

6) ignis talking in his little earpiece

7) “Have you lost your marbles?”

8) “I wouldn’t do that if I were you” Ardyn says a solid number of seconds after Ignis puts on the ring

9) actually all of ardyn’s quote regarding ignis wearing the ring? the man was just like... “wow who is this kid”

10) ravus calling ignis “boy”

11) ardyn just fucking tossing noctis

12) and then tossing ravus as well

13) ignis going full halt next to pryna even though noct is right there, seems even he can’t escape the power of dogs

14) “Let your hair down!”

15) ardyn summoning his entire armiger to attack Ignis with

16) gladiolus “if you’re alive then pick up the damn phone” amicitia

17) the fact that the empire just carries around coeurls for no other reason than to drop down on ignis as cannon fodder

18) ignis sounding (cordially) ticked off with literally every altissian aside from weskham

19) fuckin. watching caligo control his mech in the boat chase

and moments that produced emotions i cannot explain

1) ignis always getting close to the altar/noctis and then getting knocked away by a freak accident

2) iggy getting healed by the crystal’s light (you know the scene. his hair is all down and that’s... the most beautiful i’ve seen him)

3) ardyn going to stab noctis and the dramatic irony bc we know he wouldn’t actually kill him and is just getting a reaction from ignis

4) ravus throwing the dagger at ardyn!!

5) quick recipeh

6) getting fucking. knocked off the edges of buildings. and taking fall damage

7) “I don’t want to die without him”

8) ignis seeing the claw of the fallen mt and immediately thinking “hookshot”

9) one-man army ignis

10) ignis being so very realistically tired after every single battle

11) ignis with his hair all the way down

12) fire eyes

13) fire body

14) generally ignis living up to his name

15) fuckin. father christmas over there

16) ignis asking noctis not to complete the journey and noctis turning it around so quickly jk that actually really really hurt

17) having to watch ignis feel around for everything

18) also i don’t know if anyone else caught this, maybe it’s just my game but i noticed in the ardyn v ignis fight in the alt ending, a lot of the recorded sounds of noct warping/fighting are mixed in the jumble of ardyn and ignis’ fighting sounds. i can’t tell who is making said sounds but i hear them all the time

so yeah

my general view of episode ignis? heartwrenching, 10/10, would recommend, would play again, will play again, all the best things, love it very much, will hold it near and dear to my hear. lovely lovely dlc.

#had to fuckin.... delete all my tags bc i have to use the first five. fuckin tumblr #episode ignis spoilers #episode ignis #ffxv #final fantasy xv #alright now that that is out of the way #this got hella long so proceed with caution #anyways for more information ask me specifically about:#1) what i think about ardyn's behaviour regarding the ring #2) the alt ending #3) ignis' discussion with noct during the main credits. and i mean during and not after #because i have things to say about those three things but i can't articulate properly rn #but yeah #end all be all rating... loved ep ignis #managed to get out it mostly unscathed.... so i'm doing well #admin note

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