#theinvisibleblogger

[blou-lunar]

I’m burning out

This is a bit of a moany post so I am sorry if you stumble across it.

I am burning out. I have used up so my of my energy at work in this academic year I barely have anything left to give.

 At the start of this year, I was the only staff member in my group that was confident on the computer so I was always given all the computery jobs. This ended up becoming completely over-whelming and my work load was insanely bigger than everyone else’s in the group which made me feel a bit resentful. Luckily, new staff members have joined the group so the work is shared out a bit more now but I already used up a lot of brain power and energy trying to keep up with the workload or find the confidence to speak up about it being too much (which was sometimes harder than the crazy work load).

Obviously, this academic year there have been a few lockdowns so it has mainly been all work and no play. It’s literally been work, home, work, home for so long. I LOVE staying at home but this has been too much. It didn’t help when we were actually working from home either because it just felt like a prison. 

Now, we are all having to isolate as a precaution due to a few cases within our zone. So it’s back to doing online sessions and having to phone parents. I don’t mind speaking to the parents but I hate making phone calls, especially when I have to be the person offering the support and answers people need. 

I’m seriously running out of mental and physical energy. Although my workload has improved I can still be asked to do the bigger jobs over others and I have already developed an anxiety about being asked to do too much, so whether I actually am or not the paranoia and anticipation is now there. 

I’ve also been swapping meds over the past month or so..? The ones I was on before were way too strong and made me more agitated and paranoid and numbed nice feelings/ moments, such as laughing with my friends and not being able to feel it properly. I was weaning off those ones and have now begun my new ones but obvs because of the change in meds my body is all BLAH about it and I am very sleepy and I’d even say a bit depressed. 

The tablets I am going onto I have been on before and they worked well for me back then. They aren’t as strong and just take the edge off of my anxiety enough for me to potentially figure out a way to cope with it. I only came off them because my life got flipped upside down and I blamed the tablets but looking back it was just my life and I should have been more honest with the doctors! Doh!

Hopefully, after 6/8 weeks I should start to settle. I really hope I do because I am worried I can take much more of having to “soldier through”. 

On the plus side, I was feeling CRAP today so after I had done what I needed to do for work I did a big cleaning session for a few hours. Used the new vacuum which has defo made the floor appear cleaner and did a good moving-everything, cleaning-everywhere sort of clean. I am now going to read a book, maybe have a nap and then carry on with Grey’s Anatomy before doing a bit of yoga. 

I’m really trying to dig out the positive me and I think I’ve done okay today considering my drowning brain. I can do this, can’t I? Maybe..?

#anxiety #anxietyawareness #mentalheal #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthawarenessweek #lookingforthepositives #theinvisibleblogger #fightthestigma #struggling #burningout #justkeepswimming