#the way things are blended i dont know shit about art but this tastes like milk and honey on an

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 19

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY IS SCREAMING, CONSTANTLY, TRAPPED IN THEIR PERFECT NIGHTMARE:

Glynda was saying: “I know we aren’t friends. I know we aren’t partners. I know you’re a criminal. But—I think I can trust you. I think I have to trust you, even if you’ve done awful things before.”

EVERYTHING GOES WRONG BUT LIKE SOMEHOW WORSE THAN EVER? LIKE A WHOLE NEW BRAND OF LOW. LIKE CINDER’S GOT A PICKAXE AND THE CENTRE OF THE PLANET CALLS FOR AID.

IT’S BEEN A WHILE HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but dw offal hunt, like the rising of the sun, the arrival of winter, and the eventual downfall of capitalism, always returns. so lets go.

(i just quickly reread chapter 18 liveblog to remember what happened and Ah Yes I Remember Now. The Suppressed Memories)

The place was emptier without Glynda. Quieter.

/gunshot oh we’re in danger right out of the gate huh? we got some yearning right out here? right now? how quickly the turn do tables.

Cinder appraised her work, holding the beige coat up to the light and squinting.

man i forgot. i FORGET. how much i just love cinder in this fic. sometimes she kinda zones to the back of my mind where she sits waiting for me to start thinking about her again, but now i remember that this cinder is Peaque. look at her GO, minding her own BUSINESS. im proud of her. does she know i love her.

It didn’t take long to don her new, fire-proofed clothes.

in another world, in a more comical plot, she used asbestos. it didnt go well.

The subtle warmth of the Dust teased tension from Cinder’s stiff muscles, even as she marvelled at the strangeness of her own bedroom’s space. It seemed bigger now than it had the last two nights.

h

She chose not to dwell on it.

h

i choose to dwell on it! ME!!!! I CHOOSE TO DWELL ON IT. HEY CINDER WHAT THIS GAY SHIT. hello. ma’am. can we look deeper into this. i, for one, would like to, and i, for one, think its of value to think abt this. that said, small segue

Quietly, Cinder murmured, “I didn’t freak out.”

THE FACT SHE SAYS IT ALOUD LIKE EM AND MERC CAN HEEEEEEAR HEEEEEEEER i am. INFATUATED with this family. cant wait for the 100k spinoff thats basically an elongated beach episode where they go to like. alton towers. or butlins. six flags??? thats a thing in america right??? anyway. beach episode. call me. (wink wink nudge nudge push push shove shove)

 We had to stop back in because Merc left his favorite binder, and it was 2 in the morning, so it was easier to crash here for the night than mess with the ship’s autopilot.

them,,, THEM!!!! mercury is just a son and childe. thast it. he canot change this. i love these kids so much i am SHAKING THE MONITOR RN!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA

Stuck here in one of the homes they’d shared, Cinder missed them terribly. Missed the sound of their voices and the easy comfort of their presence. Finding the time to contact them had been difficult, between managing Glynda and Hati both, but Glynda was gone, and she’d sent Hati onwards to Atlas. She remembered her call with Emerald, before arriving in Umbraroot; she knew it had not soothed her or her fears.

im sorry was this chapter targeted at me, specifically, as a human being on planet earth? GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS FAMILY!!!!!!!!! THIS WONKY OLD BANDAGED UP FAMILY UNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thrive every time they are mentioned on the page. it is a blessing. my succulents grow stronger each time they show up.

“No,” Cinder argued softly, “I had to. Mercury, you deserve to hear it from me as well. I am sorry. And I am promising you: I’ll come back.”

For a long, heart-wrenching moment, he was completely quiet. It was good that Cinder was alone in the apartment; laying herself bare like this would be unbearable with an audience.

GODDDDDDDDDDD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i am OBSESSED WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GOING TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS UNTIL I D I E. of all thing the remaster does better than og, this is just. SPEEDING AHEAD. this whole CONFLICT this whole MESS just makes everything so much RICHER its like when u splash some wine in yr fancy food or stick some cinnamon on yr favourite desserts u dont NEED TO but it adds that lil SOMETHING,,, that little KICK that just ties the flavour profile together and in this case ofgughugguhu it just GIVES SO MUCH. im making SNOW ANGELS in the WORDS on the PAGE.

“Mercury. If I could prove it to you, I would. But you have to—trust me. For just a while longer.”

“It’s getting harder,” he said. He didn’t sound like he was lying just to hurt her. That wasn’t spite. That was honest anger. And it made her feel like dirt.

im less picking these for specific instances of like, things i want to say, but more just because bits of this r rly just so /chef kiss. cinder has these.... endearingly (take that whichever way u like) human qualities in OG to rly make u realise she had ties to add to her #Doubt but the remaster is just AMPING it up and u FEEL IT and ive never been more SYMPATHETIC to a round-faced sinnamon bun of assholery and fire id DIE for cinder fall and this is a fact PUT IT ON MY GRAVESTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Is there anything you need?” What was this? Cinder could barely focus on her words. It felt like... “Anything? At all?”

“We’re fine.”

“Mercury, wait please—” She was losing him. “I think—”

“Just hurry up.”

The line went dead.

this place is not a place of honor.................. no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here........................ nothing valued is here................ IM DYING

Cinder began to type out her response, and that was when the nausea really kicked in. 

[...] 

She recognized this now.

Glynda.

stress stress stress stress STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

There shouldn’t be anybody. Cinder had done everything in her power to cut Glynda from people who would interfere. To isolate her. Make it easier to bring her to Atlas, to the frozen north, to her mother and the machine…

Cinder’s esophagus quivered; furiously, she shut her eyes and thought of nothing.

god cinder don’t remind me that you’re an asshole and dipshit and also a moron im trying to be NICE and CARE ABT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP REMINDING ME YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The front door clicked open.

Cinder couldn’t have said how much time had passed, only that it had passed slowly. What she did know was that it was Glynda returning, the sensation of boils bursting wafting off her soul. It crawled over Cinder’s flesh. She curled in on herself.

There were mites under every nailbed. Salt in her weeping mouth.

offal hunt’s brilliant use of this horror aspect is something i have tried previously to emulate and here’s a fact, take it from me: that shit is HARD. offal hunt consistently able to whack those real nasty, really Disgusting vibes on the head EVERY TIME is a work of art. i mean, kc and diesel do not fuck around, and therefore i am NOT surprised, but it’s only when u try this shit yourself that you realise: this is hard! this is difficult! it’s a huge testament to how GOOD this fic is in every way. also this whole fucking body horror aspect is something i didnt know this fic needed, but it did, and here we are. 

Thickly: “Things were going okay. If you hadn’t gotten nasty, I might have smoothed things over. I could have fixed things with my son.”

with my son

with my son

with my son

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CANT TAKE IT EVERY TIME ITS TOO MUCH FOR TO BEAR I CANNOT HANDLE IT I CANNOT STAND IT ITS LIKE BEING SHOT JUST DIRECTLY IN MY DICK

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

im like sweating rn

Glynda said, “I’m scared.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to tell you.”

I SAID IM SWEATING

Glynda asked, “Are you lying to me?”

And Cinder said, “What?”

“About me. About Witches. About Ozpin—” Cinder’s guts went sour. “—About anything. I need to know if I can trust you.”

I SAID I! AM! S W E A T I N G

“I know you’ve lied to people. Hurt people.”

Adrenaline and the image of her kids’ faces behind her eyes made a potent, sick cocktail. “—Not. Now.”

so lets like double back to when i said hey was this chapter written to target me specifically and as it turns out, yes. yes it was. yes it was and as MUCH AS I AM LIVING FOR THIS MOMENT THIS SWEET BUILDUP THE EXPLOSION AND THE CRATER IT ALL LEAVES BEHIND

I

AM

so this next bit is like. i cant really quote one section but as i was saying in Vague DMs, this whole bit feels like wading through mud. usually if you say something consumes energy to Read it’s in a Bad Way when yr bored but this is more like. you Feel cinder all over everything feels so sluggish and it’s like dragging your own corpse around as you try and leave and you’re TIRED and your LEGS HURT and you’re kinda thinking god what if i just fell face down for just a moment of my LIFE.

The putrid weight of Glynda’s soul filled the room until there was no space left for her.

it’s like being trapped in a sauna, like getting stuck in a humid waiting room. where do you GO. what do you DO. god this whole section is fantastic and offal hunt NEVER fails to fucking nail the Vibes but reading it is HARD. i literally keep having to stop and breathe like ive been holding my breath. jesus h christ.

a small intermission for a mood:

“Get fucked.”

back to regularly scheduled hell

Out of the bedroom. Down the hall. The walls were sweating with heat. She tasted smoke. 

i love that i just said how i feel like im trapped in a sauna and it turns out: thats because me and cinder both, baybee!!!! hahahaha help

Glynda’s soul chewed her to the marrow. “Move, Glynda.” 

cinder being hunted at the start of this fic: teehee! im running away! now im gonna getcha! heehee! arent i clever :) cinder being hunted now: this uh. this blows, actually,

Cinder’s pulse roared in her ears. Her hands twitched. She smelled Ochre Brown’s round face melting off. His wide smile shattered with each of his teeth, going black and popping like corn.

this chapter is probably my favourite so far for this blending of so many elements. i cant even begin to like. THINK STRAIGHT about how all of this is tying together. the lore. the THEMATICS. like i said this character rly is just Rich with what og lacked and oh is it RICH. im gonna read this chapter in future and see so much that i know ive already missed. holy shit.

“Ms. Fall,” she said. “The White Fang requires your presence immediately.”

NOT NOW

Cinder stood there looking at it for a moment. Her thoughts were slow. Copper-tinged. Something small and indulgent whispered to her through the blood-fog.

It was obvious enough what would happen if she got into this car. The driver would take her to a secluded place, where she would be ambushed by a squadron of battle-hungry White Fang grunts.

They’d try to take her down. And she was a killer, wasn’t she? Ochre Brown wailed in her ears with every thump of her runaway heart. Her hands itched for action; her teeth, for blood.

She’d burn them black.

never mind! you are already dead,

She thought about Glynda. About her saying that if there was trouble with the Fang, she wanted to come. That she would fight for Cinder.

She thought of Glynda’s question: What aren’t you telling me about Ochre Brown?

Yeah, fuck that.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE MOMENTOUSLY: WHAT A CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is EASILY my favourite chapter so far. EASILY. everything about this was peak offal. the relationships. the dynamics. the dialogue. the vibes. the Grossness. the fighting. the EVERYTHING. this is some other level and its BITCHIN. PEAK. that said im now very tired. im going to have a cup of tea and Consider Things for a few hours. brb.

#liveblog #rwby #offal hunt

[girlwiththegreenhat]

thoughts on ur favorite drink? ur favorite art program? thoughts on keeping a sketchbook? on any pets you have?

HELL yeah thanks for the ask i hope u like tangents on tangents and run on sentences because just like my blog description says, I Do Not Shut Up!

favorite type of drink: crystal pepsi

every fucking year i email the Bepsi company and ask when this god damn drink is coming back. last year? literally spent almost all of 2019 moving house, and i got no crystal pepsi anywhere in that time. now it’s 2020. there’s a plague. and the world is burning. and there’s still no fucking crystal pepsi. the moral of the story here is, as soon as pepsi brings back The Good Shit, everything can be nice again. i am .3 seconds away from breaking into pepsi HQ in the midst of this Rioting Chaos just to steal the Crystal Pepsi recipe from their fat stupid noses and start making it myself. I will market it as... Creestöl Bepsi.

oh wait im supposed to talk about the drink, right, shit’s good yo. you know how all clear sodas taste vaguely the same? they all taste like Clear Drink? this is like Clear Drink in it’s purest form. it is the Clearest Drink. with the most Clearest Drink taste. and thanks to it’s (formerly) limited annual runs at the end of summer it literally tastes like nostalgia. I have left the house like twice in the last three months but if they brought back crystal pepsi i would march out of my house like its on fire (wearing a mask of course) and buy every fucking bottle i could find, life savings be damned

so anyway yeah crystal pepsi’s good i guess

favorite art program: begrudgingly, photoshop

adobe may be a greedy bitch baby company who doesnt actually let you buy their software outright but damn,,, photoshop Nice,,, hehehehe,,, i can do so Much with it it’s such a multitool of a program,,, i just upgraded to the 2020 version in february and there’s SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many more brushes than there were in the 2014 version, and most of them are actually really useful!! i’m living for this guy’s brushes, uh, kyle?? yeah, kyle t. webster. now THAT guy knows how to make some brushes. i’ve been using the same ones for like six years but he’s got this GORGEOUS lineart brush i’ve been using and dear god i love it too much to ever go back. I Will Never Go Back. AND I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT LIKE, BLEND BRUSHES?? there are ones that perfectly emulate real pencils thanks to how photoshop handles brushes, it even wears out and widens with use (you can choose how fast...) and you can TILT your STYLUS to USE THE BROADER SIDE OF THE “LEAD”??? LIKE?? A REAL PENCIL???? still blows my mind,, photoshop’s brush engine is fucking amazing,,

Thoughts on keeping a sketchbook?

sketchbooks are great and i envy people who have those really nice, blank-page sketchbooks with the little rounded corners on each page? and they always fill them with studies and life drawings,,, its so Aesthetic,,,

meanwhile im adamant for some damn reason to do most of my drawings on lined paper still. not the serious ones, but if im doodling, or just doing a sketch i intend to finish in photoshop? composition notebook. i have Dozens of Actual sketchbooks, but those are so nice... i don’t want to fill them with stupid meme drawings and things i wont finish and things i draw Badly and things that i Will finish but not There. i’m glad im not going to college cuz i always hear “oh you have to submit your sketchbooks” im like haha What cuz my sketchbooks,,,, are probably some of the most unprofessional, badly organized, unfinished messes out there,,, like i do studies but it’s all on lined notebook paper and half-destroyed composition notebooks because at the end of 8th grade everyone was throwing out their unused or slightly used school supplies and there was a WHOLE RECYCLING BIN FULL OF COMPOSITION NOTEBOOKS?? MOST OF WHICH ONLY HAD THE FIRST LIKE 15 PAGES FILLED OUT IF THAT???? SO I JUST KINDA. RAIDED IT?? i havent bought lined paper in 8 years and all the school supplies i looted out of the garbage that day carried me all the way through high school. i bought maybe one notebook in highschool, that was it. i think i literally trash picked a lifetime of lined paper,,,

,,, anyway i have a Nice Sketchbook (no lined paper!) ive been toting around since sophomore year of high school. it’s still got printouts taped to it from supernatural and doctor who and black rock shooter. this was seven years ago, i still use it when i want to use Nice Paper, and only now am i approaching the last pages. i also have a separate sketchbook i decided to start using for concept art and sketches for my webcomic i will never actually start working on! that one’s about as professional as i get, it’s full of robot designs and sketches of scenes. its fun.

i am not a real artist aslkdfkljdfskjldsfkjl

Thoughts on any pets you have?

i love me pets! they are not my pets they are my parents pets but i take care of them more so who cares. i love them. i love all three doggos even if Gigi is an old lazy fart that doesn’t care about anything that isn’t sleeping, food, going outside, or bellyrubs. she doesn’t even listen to you if you call her or tell her to do something. i dont know what her deal is. and gemma!! is a depressed muppet. she’s probably just getting old herself even though she’s only,,, seven. we got a third dog and she never got over it. she is still my favorite though, she’s adorable and i love her little under bite and her big goofy eyes that don’t have a single thought or braincell behind them. she floofy and snuggley and a big ol scardey cat who always comes into my room for hours when there’s a Loud Sound outside which is great because i cant sleep when something else is alive in my room and its not me but whatever i cant say no to her, especially now that we’re both on the same floor and i would probably take a bullet for this funky lil fuzzball.

speaking of the third dog that is kiwi i post more pictures of her than anyone else for some reason but she’s a cute lil goblin. i mean what is this thing. what is it!! im not even entirely convinced its a dog, i think its a weird lil alien that knows what a dog looks like and that’s it

what is this thing!! dont know!! she’s plotting though!! i have never seen Thoughts happening in a dogs head before but she Knowes Things. she learned how to slap the other dogs. 80% of the time if you point a phone at her she stops moving because she somehow understands the concept of a “Camera.” she’s a little chaos bagel. a chaos bagel with a critical case of The Zoomies and a burning hatred of feet

we also have a budgie named olive. he’s pretty, but quiet

#liz blogs #ask meme #ask #serialsharkgay #ty for the ask... i love to ramble..... and i have So Many Thoughts All Of The Time....... #dogs #my dogs #long post #one day im going to edit tiny flames into kiwi's eyes because its funny #just get a gif of fire and photoshop it in there

[kvndeathmusic]

my favorite records of the 2010s pt 1 (the less great stuff/honorable mentions)

Neither this post or its followup are going to be in any particular order, however all the records I talk about here are, in my opinion, not as good as the records i will talk about in my part 2. they’re all fantastic but these ones slightly a little less fantastic than the ones in my “top 10″. none of this is based on stuff like 'influence' or whatever other critics base their lists on, this is solely how much I enjoyed these records. And keep in mind, I'm only human, I havent listened to a good lot of records I've heard others describe as top 10 worthy, these are just records I found and that I resonate with. long post ahead. 

Vacation - Bomb the Music Industry (2011)

If you asked me what my favorite band is i will either say bomb the music industry or jeff rosenstock, but considering those are pretty much the same things it doesnt matter lol. While Vacation isnt a perfect record, it is one I love. It lacks some of the ska elements that I love about earlier BTMI records, but at the same time, it is the first record where Jeff’s “””solo””” career sound starts to form in tracks like Sick, Later, Hurricane Waves, Everybody That You Love, Everybody That Loves You, and Vocal Coach. And these tracks are all fantastic, especially the absolutely explosive opener Campaign For a Better Weekend. Where this album suffers in my mind is the fact that it exists as a weird hybrid middle ground between BTMI and modern Jeff Rosenstock, it isn’t really ska like old BTMI and it’s not quite to the same standard as the tracks on We Cool?. And some of the songs are just, not as good as the others, like Why, Oh Why, Oh Why (Oh Oh Oh Oh), which is washed out almost entirely in reverb, and tracks like Savers feeling barren and missing additional instrumentation. But fuck man I can not dislike this record or just call it “ok” because despite this I still listen to this record a lot, it’s so catchy and fun and Im a bit too chronically addicted to btmi. 

Reflektor - Arcade Fire (2013)

i dont really get the hate/mixed feelings others have with this record. there’s so many good tracks dude!!!! sure theres a bit of a slump in the middle and it doesnt reach the same emotional heights as their previous records you gotta be ignorant to overlook this records strengths. while i do like The Suburbs more than Reflektor, man i just vibe HARD with some of these tracks; the title track, We Exist, Here Comes The Night Time, Normal Person, Awful Sound (Oh Eurydice), Porno, and ESPECIALLY Afterlife. Plus the cover art is cool and I like it. However Flashbulb Eyes is one of the worst tracks Arcade Fire has ever put out and I hate it immensely. And while far less offensive, tracks like You Already Know, It’s Never Over (Hey Orpheus), and Joan of Arc are just kinda boring and/or uninteresting. Now granted, I'm extremely biased when it comes to Arcade fire in general unless were talking about the trainwreck that is Everything Now. I started listening to Arcade Fire just before Reflektor came out, and I have a kinda sentimental attachment to the record. ill explain the feeling more when i talk about The Suburbs. anticipation oooooo.

good kid m.A.A.d city - Kendrick Lamar (2012)

i might get crucified by some for not putting this in my top 10, but whatever come at me i guess. gkmc is a fantastic record, but i do think the ending is weak, which is why it’s here instead of in the top 10. i mean, let’s be real, Real is a mediocre track, and while Dying of Thirst is an important track to the whole narrative of the record, it feels way too long. almost everything else about this record is fantastic, from the beats, to kendrick’s nasally flows, to the overall structure of the record spinning a tale of a young man battling demons both inside and out, and his eventual redemption. even if i find this record at times to drop pace, it really is flawless otherwise. it felt like a disservice to put this in the 20-10s, bc it’s a good record, but i had to make some compromises and this was one of them. 

RTJ2 - Run The Jewels (2014)

el-p and killer mike are a perfect duo, and the tracks they make together are always total bangers. and for me, RTJ2 is the best overall, with RTJ3 in a close second. it’s hard to put this on the lower half of the list, some of the tracks just don’t work as well as the others, but despite that there’s not really any tracks i hate or dislike on this record, minus maybe crown. the pure aggression in the opening track Jeopardy sets the tone for an aggressive yet highly focused record. This is some of the best rap out there right now if you want some music to fuck shit up to. 

Pure Comedy - Father John Misty (2017)

This record is both hilarious and extremely bleak. Josh Tillman is a master of satire and sarcasm, and Pure Comedy is the peak of his songwriting skills. The title track is one of the best tracks of the decade, period. And he keeps up the momentum on the following few tracks. The main problem with this record is its weaker second half, but even then it’s criminal to suggest that those songs aren’t good regardless. And despite the bleakness, the one line that sticks in my head after all this time is the line this album fades out to: There’s nothing to fear.

Knife Man - AJJ (2011)

Continuing on the trend of folky, satirical, and bleak records, Knife Man is AJJ’s defining record (next to their debut LP). AJJ blends loud, punky anthems with quieter, folk tracks that touch on sensitive issues in a way only AJJ manages to get away with. And there’s some genuine heart mixed in as well, with the final track Big Bird always striking a chord with me. However, I do feel the record is, let’s just say, padded at times in my opinion. Still, I can’t deny how much i enjoy tracks like Gift of the Magi 2, Hate Rain on Me, The Distance, and Skate Park. Speaking of which when I saw AJJ live recently they played none of those songs and that kinda sucked but hey it was like $20 I can’t complain. And speaking of not getting what I wanted...

You Won’t Get What You Want - Daughters (2018)

It was hard choosing between this record and their 2010 self titled record, but in terms of the overall narrative and variety this record shines through. If there was a number 11 spot in this unorganized list this would probably take that spot. It’s noisey, it’s abrasive, and it’s like nothing you’ve heard before unless you’ve listened to Daughter’s previous records. Tracks like The Reason They Hate Me are catchy in the weirdest and most unwelcoming of ways, Less Sex sounds like a long lost Trent Reznor NIN track, and Guest House is a masochistic and gut wrenching finisher. Fantastic record aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

We Cool? - Jeff Rosenstock (2015)

It’s obvious that I had to include this record somewhere on these list. It’s like a more refined version of the sounds that Jeff experimented with on Vacation. Definitely more punk than ska, but still some of those roots still shine through, especially in the track Nausea. Some of Jeff’s best songs are on this record, from the loud opening tracks Get Old Forever and You, In Weird Cities, to tracks dripping with bittersweet and moody lyrics like I’m Serious, I’m Sorry and Polar Bear or Africa. The main reason this record is on the back end of the top 20 is because the deeper cuts on the record do not match the energy and heights of the best tracks. Tracks like All Blissed Out, The Lows, Darkness Records and Beers Again Alone don’t feel like they belong and stick out a bit. They remind me more of the material Jeff put out on his 2012 EP I Look Like Shit. Mind you they aren’t bad tracks, but I’ll be honest I skip them often when listening to the record because i just wanna get back to the good good stuff. 

Sports - Modern Baseball (2012)

Sports is one of the best pop punk records ever, if you can even consider it as such. It’s like a blend of emo and folk punk, and it works so well. A good majority of this record is on my main shuffle playlist. Is it pushing boundaries? Not really, but tracks like Re-Do, Tears Over Beers, and See Ya, Sucker are undeniably catchy and memorable. I NEED MODERN BASEBALL BACK TOGETHER RN. There’s not really anything that wrong with the record, besides maybe lacking in variety, but at 30 minutes, it’s a record that feels nostalgic even on a first listen, and continues to feel that way even after numerous re-listens. Speaking of nostalgia...

The Suburbs - Arcade Fire (2010)

Some background, when I was 13 (circa 2013), I only really listened to whatever my parents put on for me. From my mom, I “inherited” a taste for classic pop and 80s new wave. From my dad, I got metal and hard rock. The first time I made the conscious decision to listen to a record fully, based on my own curiousity, was when I sat and listened to Sgt. Pepper in the summer of 2013, which broadened the scope of what I thought music could even be. And later that year, the first band I got into after The Beatles? Arcade Fire. When I think of my early teens, the memories are set to this record. I remember listening to Ready to Start in my brother’s old hot ass car while driving to the local fair with some friends on a chill fall night, eating tons of junk and staying up past midnight back when doing that was edgy and cool and not a symptom of my depression. 

If I was judging this record solely by its best tracks, it would easily be in the top 3. But I couldn’t place it in my top 10 because, frankly, some of the deeper cuts are lacking. I can’t say I like Deep Blue. I really don’t like Rococo. And Half Light I kills the pace of the record. But man, that title track, Ready to Start, Modern Man, Empty Room, Half Light II, Sprawl II... these songs defined my early teen years. I still tear up listening to the title track. Sure I have to skip a few songs when I re-listen, but I can’t place it any lower or my heart will break. It existing outside of the top 10 already hurts. And that’s all that’s left now. The top 10. 

But first, some random honorable mentions that didn’t make this list:

Sound & Color - Alabama Shakes

Black Star - David Bowie

Saturation II - BROCKHAMPTON

Melophobia - Cage the Elephant

Teens of Style - Car Seat Headrest

How to Leave Town - Car Seat Headrest

Daughters - Daughters

Sunbather - Deafheaven

Bottomless Pit - Death Grips

Year of the Snitch - Death Grips (should be on this list tbh)

Doris - Earl Sweatshirt

I Love You, Honeybear - Father John Misty

Helplessness Blues - Fleet Foxes

Plastic Beach - Gorillaz

Boarding House Reach - Jack White

POST- - Jeff Rosenstock

S/T - Joyce Manor

Firepower - Judas Priest

ye - Kanye West

KIDS SEE GHOSTS - KSG

You Were There - Kill Lincoln

Flying Microtonal Banana - King Gizzard

Infest The Rats’ Nest - King Gizzard

No New World - Mass of the Fermenting Dregs

Bury Me At Makeout Creek - Mitski

Puberty 2 - Mitski

Unsilent Death - Nails

Itekoma Hits - Otoboke Beaver

Morbid Stuff - PUP

A Moon Shaped Pool - Radiohead

RTJ3 - Run the Jewels

Angles - The Strokes

To Be Kind - Swans

Undertale OST - Toby Fox

Scum Fuck Flower Boy - Tyler, The Creator 

Igor - Tyler, The Creator

Weezer (White Album) - Weezer

nightlife - yuragi

#music #2010s

[cs-discourse]

Nursery Complaints

So all i have to day is if you are going to sit here and throw a tantrum and tell someone their art is a waste because your Nursery sparkledogs didnt come out how you /wanted/ them to please unfriend and or block me because obviously you have no respect for the artists themselves as people. The first thing I want to take note of is that kalon parents can blend to make soooo many different design combinations including colors, shapes, edits and more even without artist input. This means that you can NOT go into a nursery batch expecting your litter to look a certain way, you are going to get disappointed. If you did that with a human baby and expected it to be flawless and look perfect with traits you want and expect you'd be disappointed just the same. Gene's and traits are huge variables with wide ranges and combinations and you cant cry because you didnt get the ones you wanted. This isnt burger king you cant choose everything. Artists dont always wanna make kalons look just like the parents, what you find beautiful someone else might find ugly and what they find ugly you may find beautiful. Dont go complaining publicly about them because you have different tastes than other people and they didnt magically know what you wanted them to look like. Their job is to mix the parents to where they think it looks good in /their own style/. An artist is not going to intentionally push out trash to spite you so they probably really love the batch they made and countless others do too. Just because you ended up having high expectations for how things should be and were not prepared for the element of surprise doesnt mean you can put someone down. Artists all over CS and the world are developing at their own rates and choosing their own paths in design, style and development and you cant disregard an artists style to get what you want. Yeah I get it omg what a surprise choosing artists with styles you like limits the nursery. Of course it does! Just like how narrowing commissions down to artists styles you like narrows down who you buy from. You have to wait longer to catch a slot from them? So be it, at least you'll like them! But dont shit on someones work you personally dont like because you wanted it from someone different and didnt wait. Dont put down a goddamn artist, who had worked so hard to get to where they are and is proud of their work because you aren't fond of their style. You chose this path. You made that choice and they were kind enough to take it on. You have no right whatsoever to make someone feel like shit about their work because you made a bad decision. Not only that Before you say "oh I never even said names" that's honestly even worse because now every gotdamn artist in the nursery is probably sitting there thinking "was it me?" And thinking you are shit talking about them all day. So way to put a damper on everyone's self esteem because you couldn't wait for an artist you prefer. Summary: Artists have different styles. If you dont like the style dont choose them. Other people like them so dont put them down for your own preference. Dont vague and shit talk artists and put them down because you're a picky asswipe and have high and unrealistic expectations for them to do what you want.

[johnnythirteenguns]

just seen justice league (this isnt spoiler free at all)

also went to thor: ragnarok for the third time to wash the taste out.

so i went to go see it for miller, momoa, and mera in that order. i was super impressed with mera. i thought they were gonna go the like easy way and give her an Accent like the amazons, but they didnt. even though her cadence was different like idk man i know very little about dc but i picked up a one-shot earlier this year where mera neatly beats the fuck out of the justice league on her own and she’s a semi-jerk who kind of hates surface dwellers and you know what for the thirty seconds we had her onscreen i believed it and she was powerful and felt like a character with backstory and i COMPLETELY didnt hear what aquaman was saying i just heard her side of the conversation

man ben affleck really doesnt wanna be here huh anyway we should recast him at the earliest convenience

also why was batman 90% CGI like fine i get it no one can be a gymnast in a 50 lb rubber suit but like every single one of his moves that required any bending had to have been cgi

speaking of which the cgi isnt like bad in and of itself it’s just typical like it’s the cgi youre used to seeing. it doesnt blend seamlessly into anything and the characters dont blend seamlessly into it. the cornfield looks fake as can fucking be and i dont really know why? what else there was another fucking weird cgi moment. anyway, steppenwolf is ugly as sin and has no emotion and is all one color and is??? generally weird looking

speaking of which. he is not frightening at all. the New Gods isnt something casual dc fans are gonna be familiar with (i am barely familiar with it) and like? apparently, darkseid was supposed to have scenes in this but didnt? anyway go see thor ragnarok which features 1) a horned villain that is legitimately terrifying and powerful, that you fully believe can do the things she does, and who is beautifully designed and 2) features glow-y eyed masses of disposable soldiers that are cool but goofy and dont take themselves too seriously but were still frightening and made for thrilling fights because you believed they could actually pose a threat to the characters they were attacking

the beginning... uh i think like three scenes of the film looked pretty good, but they looked like cutscenes. very GOOD cutscenes, but honestly... if i wanted it to look like this id have played... a video game. like, i want it to look like a real place even if it’s heavily stylized. uh but the first showdown where batman is luring a parademon out looks beautiful if fake as shit. the scene with wondy in the bank (which features a group of girls from an all-girls school... at a bank?) and terrorists wearing cheap pinstripe suits (like, this is fine! it’s nonsensical and stupid but fine it’s a comic book movie) was kind of cool because for once i felt like... maybe diana was a creative person who goes in wit ha strategy? like picking the dude up with the lasso and holding him up was fun i was like oh!!! thats not something a typical movie would do! it was the first time she felt like Wonder Woman to me (ive seen the wondy movie itself, it was... eh). uh and idk what was up with the standing on the scales of justice or whatever idk the hilarity of gal gadot on that statue which sits on top of a bank like. it was funny.

hey question what the uh... fuck was the “what are you” “a believer” line about it made zero sense in context at all

dont quote me on the order of scenes i dont remember fuck all of this movie in order because literally, the pacing was so weird. so... it was very obvious there were parts missing from the movie. not like, cuts made where you could be like oh there was something there or maybe there'll be a deleted scene no like you Knew there was stuff that was necessary that was gone. the football scenes with victor from the trailers were gone!!! i think the movie was trying to set up a really strong friendship with wonder woman and cyborg but it never really went anywhere? and i suspect because it all got cut! and i dont understand why because ray did a really good job and he sold cyborg to me so well i loved his take! 

also... i dont know if theyre saving it for the aquaman movie next year but did Arthur get a bunch of his stuff cut too? because i like jason momoa, and i like his arthur and so im sort of torn because, like, he didnt have much to do. like, he has the bit where he sits on wonder woman’s lasso of thruth and tells them all this stuff but you dont know enough about him for any of it to land? but i really wanted to know more (at some point i did give up on, this was a very passive viewing experience). my friend was saying that like literally why did they try to make arthur so Cool he’s already jason momoa he is by default cool now you can do whatever you want with him we’re all going to love him.

speaking of the lasso scene... was the entire last half of the movie re-writen and re-shot by whedon because like? the lasso scene is a whedon. the bit at the end where wondy goes “children. i work with children” is a whedon (THERE’S NO REASON FOR HER TO SAY THIS? I THINK THIS WHEN SHE HAS TWO TEAM MEMBERS LIKE LAYING ON THE GROUND AFTER NEARLY BEING BLON UP? IT WAS FUCKING WEIRD). i genuinely cant tell if all of barry’s dialogue was written by whedon or if that was ezra improvising but uh... man he’s... he needs to practice if that’s hm. if it’s just whedon i mean fine but he also doesnt have the shitty RDJ quality thats let’s him say those lines with believability.

speaking of which, going to see barry was my priority because apparently im gay for miller rn so like. uh. man he wasnt funny like there were a couple parts where he was cute and the line landed and it was fine but generally he just... wasnt funny? because the movie wasnt funny? like... idk man ezra really acting his heart out and ive said like cool i wanna follow his career and see if he does good stuff and gets even better at his stupid art but maybe he peaked with credence barebone i dont know. the first scene where we meet barry, with the flash pad and the pizza, that was good, that was funny. the bit at the prison was good. he has very soft eyes and thats nice. the panic attack is cute in the clip and the beginning like rhrgrh moment he has is good but then idk the pacing falls apart again

why is his character like this? i just dont think ezra’s... funny enough yet. (tbh i think he takes it too seriously even if he’s trying to be light-hearted man sometimes jokes is just jokes). there’s a bit where theyre digging up superman’s body and it’s JUST HIM AND CYBORG FOR UH? SOME REASON? maybe they explained why they sent the two babies but i didnt hear it and it’s literally just them two. and he tries to fistbump victor but vic is like “no” and tbh barry is annoying? like maybe u think he’s cute and an audience member but he’s uh... you can tell he’s annoying in the story and anyway then the flash says “right, racially charged” ABOUT A FISTBUMP? WHICH? LITERALLY MADE NO SENSE? WAS THIS LINE IMPROVISED? WAS IT WRITTEN? IM GONNA PUT MONEY ON IMPROVISED BECAUSE HE IS EXACTLY THAT KIND OF STUPID BITCH

if they were breaking into the lab why even bother going through the front door? barry drives the thing in (theyre trying to smuggle superman’s body into star labs) disguised a soldier (the literally most unconvincing thing, not to me as an audience member, because it was cute and funny to me,, but that a guy with THAT FACE is military like yeah sure, why did that guard believe him) but then they get to like the normal ass parking inside and the other three are standing there in full costume in full grey DC-brand daylight? are you telling me between 5/6ths of the justice league they couldnt sneak in a fucking pine box when wonder woman can lift a fucking tank on her own? like.

speaking of which uh.... superman is stupidly overpowered. like i said i read an issue of JL where mera hands every one of the justice league members their own gently roasted ass in hand on her fucking own. diana regularly kicks superman in the head. why was she not able to take him down? when theyre fighting steppenwolf for real it’s not until superman shows up that they even have a real fighting chance. they dont fight as team, they dont even fight as people casually unified in a common cause. theyre playing high-stakes legos and cyborg gets pulled away from them like three times?? and it gets fucking annoying? and then supes shows up and literally wipes the floor with him. it is so completely bizarre and stupid.

here’s a problem i still have with wonder woman: why is she so thin? the other amazons (except Hippolyta and maybe one other one) look built as FUCK? LIKE THESE WOMEN COULD EASILY TOSS ME ACROSS THE ROOM. wonder woman has serious fucking arms, where are they

also those amazon bikinis were bad. the whole styling of this movie is bad, but especially the amazons. everything is red and gold, for some reasons? the outfits dont looks heavy like armor, they look heavy like bullshit material. there is no reason for the fucking bikinis. the gold cloak hippolyta wears is??? heavy and looks like? like drapes like window dressing like thats the weight of it. additionally, there is no reason for their hair to be SO STYLED. it’s really like prom night hair it’s like shiny and muss free and always loose and in perfect clearly salon-styled curls. also, why are they so heavily made up? it’s really prominent. wondy herself has the same issue going on, she looks much more heavily made up (why is everyone’s blush so PINK, like it's distracting, is this a side effect of the recoloring process) and her hair isnt loose and doing its thing like in BVS or Wonder Woman it’s like... idk she looks really. Pretty when she’s on the field and it makes no sense.

the amazon fighting style is still ugly and makes no sense ive never seen such a wasteful fighting style it made sense exactly once during Wonder Woman

why is themyscira entirely the ugliest cgi i have ever fucking scene

why does the camera INSIST ON MOVING LIKE THAT. the action is super hard to track, the cgi is ugly as fuck (it really cannot be overstated)... i made it to about... i want to say when theyre on the way to the big fight and then the combined everything gave me a heaache that o had for the rest of the movie

i mentioned earlier that the pacing is weird the transitions are also weird. you get cuts to and from places that never fade into each other, it’s always a hard jump cut but it’s never the right cut to make? like, in thor ragnarok for example, there are a bunch of scene changes that happen via the bifrost, via people going through doors. there are wide shots that jump to wide shots in other places, so youre not suddenly on a close-up. there are a lot of people emerging from something into view, and there are a lof of people being alone in the center of the frame. it’s a very smooth and easy to watch movie. JL is the opposite of this in every way. I SUSPECT. AGAIN. THAT WHILE THIS WOULDNT HAVE BEEN FIXED ENTIRELY. THAT THOSE EXTRA TWENTY MINUTES THAT WERE CUT WERE PROBABLY REALLY IMPORTANT

the lois lane bit where she calms supes down just reminded me of the age of ultron and i quoted “sun’s going down” at my friends who were with me and they shit themselves laughing

ma kent calls lois lane “thirsty” in a Hilarious Teen Humor Gag thanks joss whedon you fucking hack

bruce wayne is fucking useless he could have got barry ANY JOB EVER and like... my god whatever.

also i still dont understand how how voice sounds like that when he’s batmanuh the after after credits scene is setting up, according to my friend, a sinister six movie. deathstroke isnt played by manu bennett so it’s fucking usless thanks for coming to my ted talk

[slice-of-no-life]

Year End Anime Roundup

Hello all.  this is a list of every anime I watched this year.

A Channel 6 - Meh. Aho Girl 7 - stupid funny Akiba’s Strip 7 - this series was more fun than it had any right to be.  I thoroughly enjoyed it. Alice to Zouroku 8 - I really enjoyed some parts of this but i have a personal weakness for series about adults raising children. Another 7 - Wasn’t bad but didn’t really resonate with me that much. Ansatsu Kyoushitsu S1 9 - thoroughly enjoyed this. Ansatsu Kyoushitsu S2 7 - ending was kinda meh Bakemono no Ko 8 - I really enjoyed this movie.  I had seen it at walmart for ages.  glad i picked it up. Blend S 9 - Ah yes the workplace Rom-Com.  Always a favorite of mine. Boku no Hero Academia S2 10 - don’t look at me like you didn’t know this was gonna have a 10. Carnival Phantasm 8 - had a lot of fun with this. Castlevania 8 - Hoping for more of this Centaur no Nayami 7 - I love monster girls so this was a no brainer. Danmachi Gaiden Sword Oratoria 7 - alright as a companion to danmachi.  can’t really stand on its own merits. Demi-chan wa Katartai* 10 - this was a series I looked forward to each week.  I wish i could say more great things about this but if you’re a fan of SoL, you really can’t do much better than this Durarara (all of it) 8 - I really enjoyed the beginning to this.  i feel like the last season or two could’ve been skipped if the friends even spoke just a little. Eromanga Sensei 10 - masterpiece. Evangelion 1.0 9 - waiting for 4.0 Evangelion 2.0 9 - ^ Evangelion 3.0 9 - ^ Fate/Apocrypha 8 - it’s a goddamn mess but i love it. Fate/Kaleid liner Prisma Illya Movie: Sekka no Chikai 8 - I love seeing heroic spirit emiya anytime I can. Fate/Zero 2nd Season 9 - dont know why i waited so long to finish this.  i enjoyed it. Fuuka (updated and now finished) 6 - started out cool but got boring about midway Gabriel DropOut 8 - CGDCT cute girls subverting religious stereotypes.  you have a Fail-len angel addicted to gaming, a sadistic angel, a mostly harmless prankster demon and a demon who is easily the most pleasant person in the show.  would watch again Gurren Lagann 8 - don’t even know what was even happening at the end but it was cool. Hajimete no Gal 7 - it’s alright. Himouto s2 9 - i thought it fixed a lot of the problems season 1 had and it actually made umaru a tolerable character.  Also bonus points for more cgdct. Hinako Note 7 - eh it was cool.  Kuu-chan was bae. Howl’s Moving Castle 9 - Watched this while cooking Easter dinner. Imouto sae Ireba Il. 8 - Solid show with some of the most ridiculous parody comedy i’ve seen. Inuyashiki 8 - Super robot attack grandpa was pretty cool. Isekai shokudou 8 - I enjoyed it. Isekai wa smartphone to Tomo ni. 7 - vanilla as fuck op character in a harem.  still moderately enjoyable.  I like how they approached the harem scenes. Juuni Taisen 8 - fate meets the chinese zodiac.  it was alright. Kakegurui 8 - i still don’t know how to categorize this. Kancolle Movie 9 - I finally got to meet all the charactersfrom the games that the weebs i follow love so much. Katanagatari 9 - so glad i finally gave this a shot.  it was worth it. Kemono Friends 10 - wholesome. Kimi no Na wa. 8 - it was just alright for me. Kiseijuu: Sei no Kakuritsu 8 - that was pretty good. Kizumonogatari 3 10 - it was amazing.  i got to see my favorite series on a movies budget. Kobayashi-san Chi no Maid Dragon* 10 - seeing Ms. Kobayashi’s daily life was a treat and I loved seeing how her life changed as other characters were introduced into it.  Going into this show i thought it was gonna be a silly thing but it was much more serious than i anticipated.  Kanna was best loli for the season and it wasn’t even close *megumin always gets honorable mentions* aoty candidate Koe no Katachi 10 - best non monogatari movie of 2017 Koi to Uso 7 - meh Konosuba2* 10 - i love it when s2 live up to a great s1.  they fixed a lot of the problems with s1 but didn’t compromise what made this show magical.  darkness really climbed the best girl chart this season thanks to plenty of storylines.  could always use more megumin.  Aoty candidate Kuzu no Honkai* 9 - wow way to make me feel emotions.  i was initially turned off by all the hype i saw.  im glad i gave it a try. Love Live S1-S2 8 - i really enjoyed this. Made in Abyss 10 - it was pretty.  it had chibi characters.  it was dark it was an anime of the year candidate. Mahouka koukou no rettousei 8 - Magic High was cool if a bit pretentious. Mahoutsukai no Yome 10 - im always a sucker for a fantasy world that didn’t feel cookie-cutter.  Anime of the year candidate. Masamune-kun no Revenge 6 - protag-kun confirmed for shit taste.  main girls best friend was way better and she wasnt even a route.  ending was weak. will probably still get s2. Megane na Kanojo 5 - meh 4 shorts about glasses girls. Miyakawa-ke no Kuufuku 8 - Lucky star spinoff that gave me lucky star vibes. Momokuri 7 - an okay rom comedy. Naruto Shippuuden 7 - wow what a trip.  there was only like 70 eps of filler in the last 100 episodes. Nekopara 9 - true to the game and compelling enough to stand on its own.  will probably watch again. Net-juu no Susume 9 - I really enjoyed this series.  MoriMori-chan is a waifu of the year candidate New Game 2 7 - wasn’t as good as the original but it was alright. would watch a s3. NonNon Biyori 9 - enjoyed it.  should start s2 at some point. Noragami s1-s2 8 - didn’t think i would like this as much as i did. Nyanko Days 6 - can’t remember shit about this One Room 7 - alright.  its short episodes so it could knocked out in 40 mins. Ookami Kodomo no Ame to Yuki 9 - really enjoyed wolf children.  watched for mothers day to appreciate my own mother. OwariMonogatari s2 9 - really enjoyed this conclusion to my favorite anime. Renai Boukun 7 - meh it was entertaining for a while. Saekano s2 9 - I was gutted emotionally during the first half of the series.  I still enjoy it though.   Seiren 6 - i’d give arc 1 a 9, and everything else was blah.  i dont even remember arc 3. Shingeki no Kyojin 2 9 - I enjoyed it.  most people said there was too much flashback but i didn’t have a problem with that. Shoujo Shuumatsu Ryokou 8 - cool ambient cute girls.   Spice and Wolf S1-S2 9 - I didn’t know i was gonna get economics lessons from an anime this year.  enjoyed it. Star Fox Zero 6 - nothing important. Sword Art Online: Ordinal Scale 8 - enjoyed seeing this in theaters. The iDOLM@STER CINDERELLA GIRLS Theater 7 - meh The Kings Avatar 8 - solid series that’ i’d like s2 or another series like it. The Seven Deadly Sins 9 - I see why this is the 4th most binged series on netflix.  everything about it screamed quality. Tsurezure Children 7 - good enjoyable rom com shorts.  i hope theres a s2 coming. Urara Meirochou 8 - solid cgdct.  cute girls are fortune tellers.  Koume for best girl.   Yojouhan Shinwa Talkei 8 - they spoke so fast i struggled to read the subtitles.  It was great though. YuGiOh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions  7 - ive never seen a theater roast a series they paid $12 for.  it was everything i remember about the old show.  Kaiba was hilarious. Zero kara Hajimeru Mahou no Sho 8 - solid fantasy series.  Zero for potential waifu of the year   

Waifu Tier characters (no previous characters for earlier years ie Megumin, Megumi Kato, Mikasa) Satou Sakie Kobayashi-San: i loved her Tohru: she’s so cute Hanabi Vigne Koume Tsuneki Hikari Zero MoriMori-chan Chise Ozen the Immovable Natsukawa Kuina Ishida Miyako Satanichia Kurumizawa McDowell Elf Yamada Shiori Shinomiya Mashu Kyrielight Astolfo Frankenstein Jeanne D’Arc

Imouto Tier Nikawa Denkigai Kanna Kamui Natsuki Momohara Sagiri Izumi Yuzuru Nishimiya Alice *spoiler character from A Sisters All You Need*

work in progress anime Boruto 20/38 Cardcaptor sakura 40/70 Dragonball Super 42/121 Sakura Quest 16/25

i’ll compile all the 8, 9, and 10 rated anime in another list and from there, I’ll choose my picks for anime of the year.  I may even steal crunchyrolls categories and place what i saw into those.  i reserve the right to add to this list up until the 15th of January or to change any score on it.  *seriously theres like 70 series on this list and ive probably missed some.*

#harley rant #harley angry #long post #anime update #seasonal anime update

[oceangl1tter]

I am 17  and .  actual ‘17

i wake up crying. the dream is: i am wreaking hell in the classroom and coach watches me make use of this newfound super strength. I am yelling every instance I held my tongue.

earlier this year, a sophomore at school disappears and there's a post on facebook from his older brother; the school doesn't comment.

----------

i would like to scream at him. coach calls me and says i should know better. what does that mean? i would like to scream at him for not knowing that my friend tried to kill himself and that no one seemed to care just as he said it wouldn't. i Am stuck while the world keeps turning.

my art teacher complains to him that i don't try enough in my paintings—evident through strokes that are supposed to blend but are more like violent gashes on paper. they're the same brutal mesh of red and blue and black even though black is the worst you can do to a painting. i'm five years old in front of a wall trying to mix green crayola and black crayola to somehow get yellow. i Am getting sick of harmony.

when we tell him, coach looks at his grades and tells us it might be the calculus and that he's talking to the academic counselor to see if he can change it for him. i can't believe it. i really can't. he doesn't either.

Angela hints that whenever she talks to me she feels like she's getting nowhere. That's the point. My counselor must feel the same way; this is what I don’t tell her:

 a year ago

---------- honestly feel like i’m losing interest in a lot of things that i used to enjoy. just feelin like a sack of cold ass rocks slowly tumbling its way down a cliff.

life is just moving on without me and idk if i’m ready to be left behind

i don’t know if i care about anything anymore. but i know i have to because there are deadlines and at this point i’m just picking and choosing which ones i can afford to miss like god damn cherry picking!! i hate cherries!!

my damn friend sent me a suicide letter and had his orig deadline set for last friday and that’s just shitty man, id on’t even know where he is anymore. my friends and i reported it to the principal/who then contacted the police and i don’t know when he’ll be back or if we did the right thing or if we just exiled him into the system.  i know he knows i tipped him off and also that he’s too smart and too stubborn for whatever help he’s getting. i just hope he’s okay even if i never talk to him again. i just feel like things could have been different. no one knows about this besides the three of us that reported it. it’s sad to see how little it mattered that he’s gone to some people that i thought would be more concerned but i guess that’s how it is. i mean there’s college apps and there’s a buncha shit like birthdays but idk.. how can you even focus or care abt that kind of stuff when a life is on the line. idk this kinda opened my eyes to how much no one cares which is ironic

i went to some birthday party, which i thought.. was tea party themed but it was an actual tea party and idk i just felt kind of rude because everyone was so enthusiastic about their teas and the different kinds of tea and the tinge of sweet cinnamon in the rose green tea and you should try it!!or something like that and man i think they could tell i did not give a fucc abt their type of tea i was just there trying to exist and drink tea and eat triangle shaped sandwiches.

i’m trying to continue on my regular routine but it’s hard. i need to care!!! i need to get to college!!!! i need to do shit with my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111 i can’t just throw everything away because i’m sad!!! fucc that!!!!!!!!!!111111

aaaa i know it’s serious when no one is freaking cute anymore!! aint no one catchin my eye :(

on a lighter note i got some c00l clothes off yesstyle for 11/11 singles day, but i checked again today and all of the clothes were the same price!!!!! finna lied to me!!!!!!! there was no sale!! just a markup!!!!!!111111111. but i think wearing something new will be a good change of pace.. that’s something to look forward to!111111111111111 college apps.. on the other hand……….. arenot………

------

 i don’t feel fine or good at all . i just want to go and be gone.

i’ve been thinking of           but not in like

an aggressive way but kind of like laying all the cards out on the table and being relieved that atleast there’s a final option if anything really tips the scales to being unbearable. i just don’t know how i’d go about doing it, like ? wouldn’t that be absurd to research and google how to properly 

-------

i don’t know what’s wrong with me i feel sad and i don’t know why a lot of the things i used to like doing now just make me sad i ate fucking gold fishes for a good 20 minutes and that shit made me sad cause i was just mindlessly eating god damn crackers without doing anything and that 20 minutes was better than doing anything else i dont even know what i like anymore they didn’t even taste that great

#mystuff #yay anniversary #: -I

[aurimeanswind]

Back on the Saddle—Sunday Chats (12-10-17)

Woohoo! Let’s get back on it!

Hey I Stopped Writing

So, as intended, I stopped writing on Wednesday, and I’ve taken a few days off. I think I’ll continue to take some much needed time off, but it’s been an exceptionally weird few days since then.

If you missed it, I wrote this very person feature, finally taking my more personal writings to IrrationalPassions.com, about what the experience for writing 1000 days has been. Check it out here:

http://irrationalpassions.com/feature-learned-lost-pained-in-1000-days-of-writing/

I have been holding off on writing since then and I’ll say, it’s been exceptionally weird. Not writing on Sunday was actually the weirdest thing I think I have done in a really long time. I had that itch, and that craving, and it hasn’t gone away. Making this thing I’ve been doing habitual was always the goal, but to take the time off actually puts it in perspective and lets me appreciate it. That itch to make, and create, and do is still there all these days later, and it’s become a part of me. I don’t see it ever going away.

But also there is so much less stress about. Fighting my procrastinating has always been a struggle for me in all the seven years I’ve been making stuff on the internet, and now I feel like I am in an era after it. But I thought the same with writing, and it resulted in bad habits like not releasing things, not editing things, and not finishing things, so we’ll see if it really pays off. But I’m hopeful. 

I’m also significantly less stressed than I was. There was this pressure to make and do things and be a part of that creation every day, and even with Sunday Chats now, I don’t have to feel that overwhelming pressure anymore, and it’s kind of great. This was the right decision, and I’m really happy to be in a new era of creation for myself.

Thank you to everyone who took a little bit of time out of their day to congratulate me for hitting 1000 days of writing. You all have no idea how much that means to me. To think people are following along this saga with me and watching me create and do things. It honestly moves me to my core. That piece I wrote was very real, very true, and very honest, and it’s one of my proudest writings that has been out there. Thank you all. For reading.

Always.

What I’ve Been Working On

It’s been a minute for a check in with this! So I wanted to give everyone a little preview of the new year. I’m sure I’ll touch on this stuff again soon, but to give you a preview:

I have finished writing a book. The book is entirely about a specific video game from this year, and it’s a collection of essay/article-style writings. I need to find an artist to help me make a cover for it and get it edited, but I’m hoping it’ll be out in early 2018!

I am working on a brand new podcast that I actually want to start. I’ll likely announce it in January as opposed to actually start it then. I’ve had this idea for a very, very long time, but it’s time to put it into action. Once I am cleared of GOTY content, I will be announcing it, and I intend for the first episode to release in February.

Video has been on my mind a lot lately, and I’m excited to get back into it. What exactly I’ll be doing... Well, more Alex Talks, that’s for sure. But I want to change things up. And I want to make it more consumable. I always want to do real, strict video essays, and that’s going to be a new endeavor going forward. We’ll see how it turns out.

There is a TON of great Game of the Year content coming from Irrational Passions, from the written word, to our content, to guest content, and the team has all been exceptional with helping me put this together. It’ll start rolling out at the end of this month, and I can’t wait for you all to see it!

What’s on Tap

There are honestly too many games to talk about, so I’ll just focus on the one I played today, which is Pyre. 

I talked about my other games on Friday’s podcast, so listen to that for my full thoughts on things like Wolfenstein 2 and Death of the Outsider. 

Pyre seems very good. I have pretty much just played the content I saw when I played it initially at PAX East 2016, and previewed it there. It was limitlessly impressive then, and continues to impress now. Its blend of visual novel-esque gameplay and weird, sporty-action is awesome, and so unlike anything else out there. As far as games that do new things, it is a standout in a year that is full of things like that. 

I like the characters, I love the art, and I love the world, I’m really stoked to play more!

I’m also probably going to play some of that Monster Hunter World Beta tonight so god wish me luck.

Questions

I’ve been playing some goddamn video games!

It’s been surreal and I’ve wanted to stop and write and I’ve honestly had to force myself not to. I know that may seem counterintuitive to some, but It’s been really helpful to get some distance from this boot-camp style creation process.

But I finished a couple of things last week and I’m excited to continue going through games and finishing them in preparation for GOTY.

WE AER CONFIRMED FOR PHILLY!

The BrO-C is having a holiday get together and y’all should be excited.

I think I have and I haven’t. I think I fall into a lucky category that a wide swath of genres hit with me and resonate with me in a big way. I can sit down and really appreciate the five hour Call of Duty campaigns, but I can also play a Cuphead and get lost in it, and dig into Hearthstone for a few weeks, or lose myself to Animal Crossing Pocket Camp for a week or two on top of that. I love a multitude of genres, but this year has specifically hit with me as two sequels to my two favorite franchises in games were released: Persona and Zelda.

I think there is always a difficulty with representations in games to players. Like, I am also a white dude, and there are a ton of games trying to get to me, but I’m happy to say that this year definitely felt different, and many of my favorite games starred not white dudes. And that’s great! So I think your feelings of games not hitting with you is not alone.

But I think in those circumstance I try and challenge myself to new things even more. Things outside of my comfort zone. For me, the biggest one this year was Doki Doki Literature Club, which made me very uncomfortable, but paid off a lot, and also Wolfenstein 2, which going into I thought I wouldn’t like, and ultimately it didn’t work for me, but I’m glad I tried it.

Lean into your niches for the comfort food, and explore out of them for something that will (hopefully) surprise you. But don’t write of games that you haven’t played just because you didn’t like previous entries. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. Time to look and see!

I mean for me it’s still the jump from SD to HD. But also the jump from 2D and 3D. I want to believe some HDR shit will change my life, but the more I hear about it the more it turns me off, honestly? Like I’m not surrounded by 4K HDR TVs and I don’t want the more placid experience to be “ruined” for me or anything.

OOOOH! 

I love Christmas. Winter is my favorite season.

OMG.

Okay, so like definitely go on a cute walk through a lights-of-some-kind-celebration, so we have the Festival of Lights here in Maryland. Get some scarves and hot cocoa and go nuts!

Fireside cuddling, for sure.

And Gingerbread lattes from starbucks because they’ll make you fat and holiday ready and also taste like Christmas.

More enthusiastic, honestly! I think the biggest thing I took away from my 1000th day of writing was that it... well, it just felt like all the other days, ya know? There was nothing special about the act that day, aside from all the congratulations. The day after, where I didn’t write, that was the weird one. The special one.

Since my hunger for writing has been building a while, I’m excited to do this. To make this tentpole remain so. And I love Sunday Chats so much, so it’s definitely a big boon to it.

I’ve talked a lot about this on shows, but the Game Awards was excellent. A great show all around.

PSX was fine. It was not a press conference, and was more of a panel, what they had said it would be, so I think it was definitely more fun for the folks there. 

The big stickers with me are HD MediEvil, which I am SUPER stoked for. Loved the game from before, and I hope they bring up the second one too since I love it even more, and that new Campo Santo game looks great. From Software can make whatever at this point and I am probably on board. It’s probably Tenchu, apparently, but I’m still in.

I’ve touched on it already, but it’s definitely been a bit of a shock to the system. I love all the questions about it! Makes me think folks really care ;)

JAPAN.

MAKE AND ASSASSIN’S CREED IN NINJA JAPAN.

PLEASE.

But for real probably 1800s London. I didn’t even play that one but it sounds awesome.

Well, I mean I don’t know. I have partially convinced myself that I definitely dont inspire others, even if there is evidence to the contrary, because I mean... it’s just too crazy for me to believe otherwise. Humbling? I guess?

And I have not realized that. I think I touched on this in my 1000 days piece. I think if that was your takeaway, you missed the point. Even when it feels like nothing is impossible, factors come in that will change that perspective. And holding onto that humility will keep you strong in your weakest moments. And somedays, the most impossible will feel so until it isn’t, and the possible will be very much so until it’s suddenly impossible.

Remember that. Because it hurts when that rug is pulled from under you.

47.

YES. VERY EXCITED FOR THIS QUESTION.

Spoilers, we’ve talked extensively about this, but I’m excited to share my answers here.

So.

Here we go.

With some wiggle room.

Earth Kingdom - Ravenclaw

There is this know-it-all cockiness that I think fits across both of them, and I think there is also this tried and true brilliance as well. There is an established empire of the Earth Kingdom, and it lines up with what Ravenclaw’s ideals would have been. There is also a rigidness to their way of movement, and I think it lines up with the rigidness of Rowena’s belief in knowledge. 

Fire Nation - Slytherin

I think this could EASILY be Griffindor as well, I want to say that up front. 

The two have this kind of strength from within that they draw from, that breath that the fire comes from. And I think the kind of natural jealous of the Fire Lord to the Avatar is similar to Salazar’s jealousy of Godric that brought about that divide, and brought about the Fire Nation that we see in The Last Airbender. There is also a great cunning and brilliant there too, and that can’t be undersold. But there is this feeling of inclusiveness that I can’t shake.

Water Nation - Gryffindor

In a similar way, there is this ego and overconfidence that the Northern Water Tribe holds that puts them in this camp. I could see this swapped with the Fire Nation, like before, as I think Gryffindor/Slytherin are the most similar of all the houses. But there is this idiocy and bravery beautifully melded together there, and a fluidity of response to the water bender’s movement that lines up with the bold and headstrong Gryffindors. 

Air Nation - Hufflepuff

The crowd pleasers. The people-loves. The pacifists. It lines up with the feelings I think are true to what Helena had in mind, but there is a self-loyalty there too. This idea of trying to deflect conflict down really resonates with Air Benders I think, and a loyalty to their own ideals. They were monks who rigidly followed that, and I see that very deeply.

Jazz I LOVE this question so damn much. Folks should tweet at her your thoughts too!

I know this was a bit briefer a Sunday Chats, but I have a ton of stuff I still need to do and get done tonight, but thank you so much for reading.

I will keep trucking along and keep making cool things, but please, keep reading, and letting me know what you think.

I’ll keep writing, but beyond that, I’ll keep talking, and podcasting, and tweeting, and making video, and making an argument for games, because really, it’s all I know how to do.

All I ask you to do, is

keep it real.

(And please Buy Okami HD)

#video games #gaming #sunday chats #writing #don't break the chain #wolfenstein #pyre