#the season 4 finale where he talked about the worms got me almost crying HES JUST A KID 😭

[icomefromthemountains]

I have so many feelings about Radar that I can’t articulate so I’ll use this image instead:

#he’s like 19 he’s seen so much death and he still keeps going he’s a lowkey tragic character #the season 4 finale where he talked about the worms got me almost crying HES JUST A KID 😭 #like does he know how loved he is by everyone in the mash???? does he know???? is he aware????? #ID THROW MYSELF ON A GRENADE FOR YOU RADAR ILY #this post is dedicated to my friend izzi ‘radar’ I finally understand you ❤️ #echo watches stuff #mash

[fernandoswarcrimes]

First Man - Matthew Tkachuk

Ok y’all this one hit DIFFERENT- butlikeasoftgooddifferent

Part 1 & Part 2 of the TK/Tkachuk Mini series

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes I'm gonna stay with him tonight

I'll see you in the mornin'

No of course, he won't drink and drive

Can you say bye to mom for me?

It has been a few months since you had broken up with TK and gotten the media Job in Calgary with the flames. You’re parents had even came up to stay with you for a while to make sure you were gonna be okay. To say they were worried was an understatement your dad was about to have a catastrophe when he heard the mess of yours and TK’s breakup, reiterating the words that he knew “Travis was nothing but trouble” from the beginning.

But then you met Matthew. At first you tried brushing him off telling yourself that you’d never date another hockey player after TK. But the rat somehow wormed his way into your heart. You’re sure that was all thanks to Johnny, Elias and Noah. Since they deemed themselves Matt’s wingmen and promised that if it didn’t work out you could all punch them in the face. So you decided to give Matthew a shot. It was no surprise he called his mom that same night gushing about how you had finally said yes to a date with him, he was nervous Chantel could tell. But had a gut feeling that you were gonna be the one for him after that phone call.

One date turned into a few Your father on the other hand was apprehensive about it all seeing how much TK had affected you. He stood watching as you slipped your jacket on seeing Matt pull up in the driveway. He went to open his mouth before you interrupted “yes dad I’m staying with him tonight, so I’ll see you in the morning. Maybe we can grab breakfast or something. I promise he won’t drink and drive can you say by to Mom for me?” You had rambled as you grabbed your purse kissing him on the cheek before quickly leaving smiling at Matt as he got out and opened your door for you.

Oh you'll like him, he's really kind

And he's funny like you sometimes

And I found someone I really like

Maybe for the first time

You swore up and down to your Dad that he would like Matthew and how he was super kind and funny like him. He was still warming up to the thought of you and Matthew, the NHL’s “shit starter” dating. He thought TK was as bad as it could get but boy was he wrong. Though, he promised to give Matthew a chance because he saw how much you really liked the kid. “I found someone I really like dad, maybe for the first time it just feels right you know?” You told him as you both sat on the couch watching the Flames game on tv unknowingly having a smile on your face that you couldn’t wipe off whenever Matthews face would cross the screen. Your mom sending your dad a knowing look with a small smile. She was the one who supported it fully from the start automatically having a mother’s intuition about the two of you.

No I don't need a jacket

It's not that cold tonight

And you worry, I get it

But he's waiting outside

Your dad watched as you were fluttering around the house looking for your shoes. He lifted up your jacket as if to ask if you’d need it. You shook your head no “it’s not that cold tonight, I know you worry but he’s outside I don’t wanna keep him waiting.” You said giving both him and your mom a hug before heading out to celebrate with Matt and a few of the guys for their sweep on their road trip. Your mom leaned against your dad watching the interaction between the two of you, seeing matt hug you and spin you around with a smile causing you to laugh. “I’m calling it now, this is gonna be a forever type of thing honey.” Your mom had said as she patted your dads chest begore heading to the kitchen with a smile.

I swear on my heart

That he's a good man

I know you'll stay up late

Just waiting for me

You held me so tight

Now someone else can

But you were the first man that really loved me

You swore on your heart that Matthew wasn’t the same person he was on the ice. He was raised a good man, Keith and Chantel made sure all their kids were. You knew your dad was up waiting for you to come home when you didn’t stay with Matthew he just wanted to make sure you got home safe. He had always held you so tight growing up scared of losing his little girl he was the first man that really loved you and he wasn’t sure he was ready for someone else to take that place.

Now you're driving to the airport

Not just me you pick up anymore

I've got eight days off coming up

And I can only come home for four

Your dad was on his way to the airport, they had since moved back home knowing that you were gonna be alright and that you were comfortable in Calgary. Though it wasn’t just you he was picking up anymore it was Matthew as well. He had grown to like the guy, seeing how well he treated you and how you could never wipe the smile off your face when he was around. He also saw the looks Matthew gave you when he didn’t think anybody was looking. It was nothing but utter love an devotion, he had a feeling if you asked Matthew would go to the ends of the earth for you. You only had 8 days off but could only stay for 4 seeing as you and Matthew had plans to go on a mini vacay after visiting your mom and dad.

Yeah I just met his family

They're just like you and mom

He makes me really happy

I think he might be the one, oh

You stood with your dad in the kitchen as your mom had dragged Matthew to the livingroom to show him the embarassing baby pictures of you since Chantel had graciously showed you all the ones of Matthew despite his pouting and whining at her not to. “I met his family, they’re just like you and mom you know?” You had blurted out as you chopped the vegetables. You saw your dad freeze and then relax and send you a smile and a nod “he makes me really happy dad, I think he might be the one” you had whispered setting the knife down looking at him to see his reaction, you wanted nothing but his approval you knew how long it took for him to warm up to Matty, but he just shook his head looking down at the pot of pasta. He wasn’t ready to lose you. Nor was he ready to admit that he knew Matthew was the one.

Now you're on the driveway

Faking a smile

You wish you could tell him he doesn't deserve me

So I had to stop the car and turn around

To tell you, you were the first man that really loved me

He stood in the driveway next to your mom with a fake smile watching as you and Matt finished loading up your bags and got in the car. He wished he could tell Matt he didn’t deserve you. But he couldn’t bring himself to hurt you like that. You looked in the mirror and saw your dads face before you placed your hand on Matts arm causing him to stop the car and look over at you. Seeing the look on your face he gave you a nod and a small smile as you unbuckled and got out of the car rushing over to give your dad a tight teary eyed hug. “I want you to know, you were the first man that really loved me.” You had said softly. He kissed the top of your head and nodded towards the car for you to go. He had accepted it that you and Matt were gonna make it to the end.

And before they open up the doors

I say I've never seen you cry before

You say "You've never looked so beautiful

You know you'll always be my little girl"

Matthew had flown up to Massachusetts to talk to your Dad in person about asking you to marry him. He knew your dad was never 100% about him but he wanted to show him that he was serious and he cared about you and respected you’re parents opinions.

Though to Matt’s surprise your dad took him down to the ocean to have a chat where he indeed gave Matthew his blessing and told him how much it meant that he had made the trip up there to ask him in person, the wedding would be a few months later since the off season was approaching.

And soon a few months later, you were standing in the church next to your father after everyone else of the wedding party had made their walk down. Right before they opened up the doors you looked over to your dad and saw he was crying causing you to tear up a bit and say with a small laugh “I’ve never seen you cry before” he smiled wiping your tears lightly “You’ve never looked so beautiful, you know you’ll always be my little girl.” You hugged him tightly before the music started up. Now it was time to head down to your forever.

You're looking at me, while walking down the aisle

With tears in your eyes, maybe he deserves me

You don't even know how much it means to me now

That you were the first man that really loved me, that really loved me

Your dad glanced at you every now and then every few seconds with tears in his eyes as he walked you down the isle, seeing the happy look on your face and seeing Matthew at the alter, who was in tears of his own. He knew then that he deserved you. You smiled at your dad kissing his check before he handed you off to Matthew. Your dad knew then that despite him being the first man that ever loved you, that Matthew would do an outstanding job at loving you just as much if not more than he has. He sat down next to your mom and held her hand with a smile watching the ceremony commence watching his little girl get married to the guy who would give her the stars if she asked.

It was no surprise at the reception that it wasn’t one big happy family, both your dad and Keith got along so well it was almost comical where as your mom and Chantel couldn’t stop gushing over you and Matthew and how beautiful the ceremony was. Taryn hugging you tightly and talking your ear off about finally having a big sister she could come to for help or hangout with. Brady couldn’t help but smile seeing his brother so smitten with you but he was happy, he saw how much good you brought out in Matthew. The day was filled with so many pictures, laughs, and happy tears. All documented on various people’s instagrams and a few posts from you and Matthew. Your phone had been with constant notifications but one stuck out more than others “Tkonecny11 liked your photo.” You looked over and heard that familiar laugh, to see Nolan who’d made a surprise appearance along with Carter, Rayanne and a few others that you had become friends with on the Flyers. He noticed you and smiled waving causing you to laugh and completely forget about your phone setting it down paying no more mind to the notification that had crossed your mind making your way over to hug your bestfriend finally happy that you guys had made up after the breakup with Travis. Matthew joining you shortly after finally getting to meet the famous trio (outside of the rink) that you always talked about.

Things couldn’t be better.

You really love me

#imagine #nhl imagine #song drabble #matthew tkachuk imagine #matthew tkachuk #first man #firstmansongdrabble

[nomattertheoceans]

The 100?

Thank you Nonnie!!! :) 

Top 5 favourite characters:

Echo / Emori / Raven / Murphy / Octavia

Other characters you like:

A lot, actually! Off the top of my head, Lexa, Clarke (although not in the way most people like her, I enjoy her as an anti-hero lmao), Bellamy, Monty, Jasper, Lincoln, Indra!

Least favourite characters:

Aside from the obvious villains obviously, I’m gonna say Kane and Abby. I never really cared for their stories, I’ve hated Abby since season 1 and Kane since s5 there’s just something about them being absolutely awful leaders and blaming kids for their failures that I can’t get behind.

Otps:

Basically lmao.

No but seriously, I think their love story is just great on so many levels, they’re the only love story I really care about in the show.

Other couples I really like are: Bellamy and Echo, Octavia and Lincoln, Octavia and Niylah, Octavia and Diyoza, Murphy and Emori and Raven, Echo and Raven, Jasper and Maya, Monty and Harper

Notps:

..... Bellarke lmao.

I enjoy the dynamic between Bellamy and Clarke, but I never saw it as romantic, and that’s how I enjoyed it. I love their ennemies to reluctant allies dynamic, I love the fact that their relationship is dysfunctional I love the parallels between Clarke and Octavia. But I don’t enjoy it at all as a romantic dynamic.

Favourite friendships:

Monty and Jasper, Octavia and Jasper, Raven and Murphy

Favourite family:

This is almost only found family because this show has a ton of found family dnamics that I love!! The Blake siblings, Spacekru, Octavia Diyoza and Hope, Raven and Finn.

Favourite episodes:

Murphy’s Law, Blood Must have Blood part 1 and part 2, Thirteen, The Chosen, Pramfayia, Red Queen, The Garden

Favourite season/book/movie:

Season 2. It has my favorite version of Lexa, it has Bellamy and Echo meeting, it has the most interesting antagonists (in my opinion haha). Season 4 is a close second though!

Favourite quotes:

“You believe that to defeat an ennemy who will stop at nothing, you must stop at nothing. How is that any different than Blood must have Blood?” - Luna in s3, because I think this quote shows very well the central conflict of the show, one that was established by Finn in s1: We have to try not to repeat history, and yet everytime, they do repeat it. I disagree with Luna in that instance because the threat that was ALI wasn’t like any other, but I agree with her sentiment.

“In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels. Until our final journey to the Ground. May we meet again.” LISTEN. If there’s is one thing of the world building I absolutely adore, it’s the Traveler’s Blessing. It’s a beautiful prayer, and it gives me all the right emotions when I think about it. I was disappointed with what the show was making of it in seasons 2 and 3, with characters saying it all around, but then there are two instances that really get to me: Octavia and Bellamy saying it over the dead radio at the end of s4, and Monty / Bellamy and Clarke saying it at the end of season 5.

Best musical moment:

I loved the way the music carried the scene right after Lexa’s death, how it melts from Lexa’s death and Titus saying his ritual words, to Becca reaching earth, back to Lexa and the Flame coming out of her.

Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest:

Oh boy there are a LOT Off the top of my head: when Monty refuses to leave Jasper alone when he gives his blood to Maya, when Murphy says “Touch me again and I’ll end you... in a non-criminal way”, when Becho was confirmed in s5, When Clarke managed to align the satellite dish in Pramfyia, when Octavia confronted Skaikru in The Chosen,.... I can’t think of others right now but there are a lot lmao You can check out my favorite scenes series if you want, I’m working on it slowly!

When it really disappointed you:

A lot of times, honestly... I’m gonna say, all of season 6. I hated it. It had so much potential, with characters having to deal with the aftermath of season 5, Monty and Harper dying, Jordan existing, Wonkru.... Instead we got a whole mess that didn’t do much for any character and I was really disappointed.

Saddest moment:

Lincoln’s death. I knew it was coming because I knew the actor was leaving the show, but I was so NOT READY for it omg it’s the scene I still cry everytime I watch it because it’s so sad and heartwrenching....

Most well done character death:

Okay so I think The 100 is really bad at having well done character deaths, so I’m gonna say my less well-done one lmaoooo

Lexa’s. Her death was so stupid. I wasn’t in the fandom at the time so I wasn’t aware of the awful queerbaiting that was going on, so without talking about BTS and marketing ploys, I do believe that her death was heavily predicted by the show. However, it was a stupid death and Lexa was too awesome a character to die by a stray bullet. She deserved a proper send-off, she deserved to die in an epic battle, or fighting for what she believed in,..... not a bullet. 

Favourite guest star:

I know Shawn Mendes (Mendez? I don’t know lmao i don’t know him) was a guest star but I don’t know any other guest star so I guess that’s my answer lmao

Favourite cast member:

I don’t follow the cast, so I don’t have a favorite xD

Character you wish was still alive:

Jasper and Finn both deserve to still be alive, because the show treated their mental struggles like shit and I’m very bitter about that!

One thing you hope really happens:

Honestly, I don’t know? We have four episodes left of the entire show and I have no idea where it’s headed lmao I guess I hope both Emori and Murphy survive to see the end and have a long and happy life <3

Most shocking twist:

Okay I actually have three so I’ll you my top three:

1- The revelation of the Mountain Men. I was absolutely NOT expecting this to happen and I was gasping and going “nooooooooo way!!!” at my computer because it was so out of nowhere!! I loved it lmao

2- Murphy discovers that ALI destroyed the world: the ending of s2. That scene is so chilling, Murphy watching the video of Chris crying and killing himself, cut with scenes of Jaha getting to the mansion and the wholse scene with ALI herself... that whole scene was really cool and unexpected!

3- Clarke and Jaha steal the bunker during the conclave. I was so SHOOK by this moment, it was such a bold move and I loved it!

When did you start watching/reading?:

Early January, 2015. I was back at my appartment waiting for the semester to start, my roommates weren’t back from the holidays yet, and I was bored. So I started the show, and I binged all of season 1 and half of season 2 in 24 hours xD I caught up at Spacewalker, and then had to wait two weeks for the next episode to air and it was agony!!!!

Best animal/creature:

HELIOS THE BEST HORSE THERE IS

Favourite location:

The Second Dawn Bunker. Yeah I know it’s strange coming from me because I absolutely hate so many things about the bunker xD But it was such a cool location!! With the rotunda/arena, the farm, the huge corridors,.....

Trope you wish they would stop using:

“It’s the end of the world, whatever shall we do???” I’m just tired you guys. Nuclear apocalypses and other bombings should not be that common lmao

One thing this show/book/film does better than others:

I love the fact that it has so many different and well developped female characters.It shouldn’t be rare, but it still is, and this show really stands out to me for that reason. I’m not saying it’s the peak of feminism or anything because lmao IT’S NOT. But the women of the show have agency, freedom, they’re all distinct from one another and not just tropes and cliches. I really like it.

Funniest moments:

Nothing comes to mind right now? I feel like an idiot lmao I have so many moments that make me laugh and I can’t think of a single one right now x)

Couple you would like to see:

I would love to have canon Murphy x Emori x Raven!!

Actor/Actress you want to join the cast:

Nobody haha sorry

Favourite outfit:

Blodreina’s cape thingy!

Favourite item:

Raven’s necklace!!! I’m actually hoping to make myself one someday, it’s my favorite thing ^^

Do you own anything related to this show/book/film?:

Nothing!

What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?:

I wish I could be spacekru haha they’re the best found family of the whole show and we deserved a flashback episode for them <3

Most boring plotline:

the entirety of season 6 xDDDDD

No but seriously, I’m gona say Illian’s plot. Honestly I never got into it at all, I didn’t care enough about him, or his family.

Most laughably bad moment:

I mean, the pilot is pretty cringe-worthy xD

Best flashback/flashfoward if any:

the flashbacks of the Dark Year.

Most layered character:

Octavia

Most one dimensional character:

Jordan lmao I was so disappointed with his story in s6.....

Scariest moment:

OMG in season 2 when Bellamy, Octavia and the guards go into the old parking garage and CAROL OF THE BELLS START PLAYING THAT WAS SO FUCKING CREEPY

Grossest moment:

Ewwww the whole worm thing happening in s5, AND the weird trees growing inside people in s6 xD

Best looking male:

S5 Murphy, hands down. Also s7 Murphy cause he spends half his time shirtless lmao

Best looking female:

Emori! She’s so pretty.

Who you’re crushing on (if any):

I mean everybody is gorgeous but I don’t have a particular fixation haha

Favourite cast moment:

I don’t watch interviews or BTS stuff so I don’t know much, but Richard Harmon wearing hie sister’s costume and wig was really funny ^^

Favourite transportation:

Becca’s rocket

Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise):

It’s very obvious symbolism, but I love the last shot of Blood must have blood part 1, with Clarke standing alone in front of the door of Mount Weather.

Also, Octavia forcing the clans into submission in Red Queen, the mini conclave in fron of the doors of the vafeteria. The shots in that scene were really good!

Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you:

Lmaooooooo do you have ten hours? Because that’s how long I can ramblr about the inconsistencies and plotholtes of this show x) Off the top of my head:

- Why does everybody on the Ark speak Enlighs?

- If Becca knew Nightblood could let you live on Earth then why didn’t she distribute it among the space stations?

- Why did Cadogan build the bunker in the middle of the city when he had a prefectly good FOREST??

- If Lexa is the first Commander to unite the clans then what was the role of the Commander before her?

- Why didn’t the Ark send one adult with the 100 (Pyke) to protect and help them?

- How come the Eligius IV prisoners don’t die when they come back to Earth in s5 since they have no nightblood and didn’t adapt through evolution?

- How is it that Spacekru survived with algea alone but Wonkru had to have this huge variety of plants?? WHAT’S THE MAGIC ALGEA MONTY???

- Why did Mount Weather crash the Exodus ship?

- If the ressources on the Ark are so scarce then why would they float people with clothes on them?

- How come Raven could visit Finn in prison but Bellamy couldn’t visit Octavia?? If Octavia was in solitary, why?

...... Okay i’m gonna stop for now lmao but I could write an entire memoir on the inconsistencies of this show lmao

Best promo:

That one:

At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: 

I’m thinking Murphy’s Law? The first few episodes were a little too teenage-drama for me but this episode shifted my opinion enough to get me to keep watching ^^

#the 100 #Anonymous #Asks

[chibivesicle]

Hello A lot of times some gk fans complain that some people replace Shiraishi with ogata in the trio. I actually saw two people complain about this today. I don’t know if they were referring to your post. What do you think about this ? What’s the difference between sugi-ogata- asirpa trio and sugi- shira-asirpa trio? I really like your analysis so I would like to know your opinion

Hello, thanks for your question.

First off, everyone is entitled to their own opinion on things and it really depends how a reader understands or connects to the work.

But in regard to the idea that there is one true trio is bit silly.

Since the start, I have always read the first and serious trio to be Ogata-Asirpa-Sugimoto.  These are the first three characters introduced.  Noda-sensei kept Ogata in the back of the readers minds while he was recovering in the hospital.  The fact that Tamai & Co. plus Tanigaki go in search of who ever had attacked Ogata in the first place.  The fact that when he regains consciousness, Tsurumi immediately goes to him.  Ogata was in the background until he reappeared to try to kill Tanigaki whom he was afraid would sell him out to Tsurumi and whom also killed Tamai & Co (as far as Ogata knows at that point in time). 

Another important aspect of Ogata and Sugimoto is that they are frequently shown either in opposition or as mirrors.  Ogata kills from afar and is cold and detached.  Sugimoto kills up front and personal and tries to remember the faces of the men he killed to atone for his acts.  Neither character cries out in pain when hurt by others (and boy did I try to find a scene were one of them does cry out in pain to prove @goldenkamuyhunting wrong.  I couldn’t -_-). 

They both “blow off” wounds or ignore them until they complete a mission.  Both at times throw themselves into situations without abandon.  Both men show little value for their lives at times but their personalities are complete opposites.  Asirpa saw her father in Sugimoto when they first met and both individuals are both and bossy at times.  But Asirpa has a lot in common with Ogata; they use long range weapons, both lost their families or were abandoned.  I think Ogata is a possible outcome for Asirpa if she doesn’t start to take control of her role in the gold hunt.  Chapter 191 saw her trying to detach herself from trauma.  I hope that is a temporary coping mechanism and she doesn’t slide down the Ogata direction.  She did have a very very bad day.

I think a lot of the conflict between Sugimoto and Ogata stem from how they perceive the other in relation to Asirpa.  Sugimoto was livid that Ogata “stole” Asirpa,  I think that on some level Sugimoto sees Asirpa as a kid sister but also sees her similar to Umeko as a female whom he cares deeply about.  Sugimoto was clearly upset that Toraji married Umeko - he told her to marry Toraji and she did but you could tell he was like “But you were supposed to wait for me … but the two of you went ahead and got married without me …” Sugimoto doesn’t say want he needs to say and as a result others move on without his input.

Ogata figured out quickly that Asirpa has a crush on Sugimoto.  He clearly saw that Sugimoto sees her as a kid sister.  I think Ogata wanted to avoid Asirpa becoming hurt by Sugimoto since he knows he romantically has feelings for another woman who is never directly mentioned by Sugimoto.  When Ogata does his fake flashback he’s trying to in part get Asirpa to move on from her crush.  He likely sees the possibility for Asirpa to be hurt like his mother.  I think Ogata in part saw it as tough love for Asirpa to protect her as well as his own need for her to chose him over Sugimoto.  Everyone has more than one thing at play in their interactions. 

But with the events that have occurred, these three characters are going to have to talk to each other.  Sugimoto can’t other and dehumanize Ogata, he just saved him for Asirpa.  Asirpa needs to know why Ogata wanted her approval and trust.  Asirpa needs to realize that she almost killed Ogata and has to find a way to resolve her issues with self-defense vs offensive actions.  And Sugimoto needs to let Asirpa realize that she almost killed him instead of “saving” her by “saving” Ogata who we know he wanted to kill with his bare hands if possible.

Okay, so let’s shift to the Sugimoto-Asirpa-Shiraishi trio.  I think of this as the friendship trio.  They goof around, they all are foodies always enjoying their dinners with lots of statements of “Hinna!” etc.  The anime really highlighted these guys more than the manga does in my opinion - season 2 really uses the three of them grouped as a theme which isn’t as common.  Just watch the opening - Who is the trio?  These guys. Where is Ogata?  Just with some blood splatter, he’s not that important according to season 2.

Now, Noda himself said that Shiraishi wasn’t intended to be a long term character.  Kamuy Central has a section about character models.  Here is the end of the translation.

https://kamuycentral.wordpress.com/2017/12/27/the-model-for-shiraishi-yoshitake/

And here we even have Kamuy Central calling them a trio!  So yes, these guys to form a trio based on food, friendship, and fun times.

Shiraishi wormed his way into Noda’s head and heart so he got a larger role than originally intended.  I like this, Shiraishi is a good character, he isn’t in my top 4, but I like him better than Tanigaki and Koito for example.  Personally, he adds more levity to the manga and he also is as I’ve stated before a lover and not a fighter which shows in how his character has developed from being a selfish loner to a man with a few close and real friends (even though he just buried one of them).  He plays an important role giving the reader a way into how one would feel being friends with Sugimoto but watching how brutal he can be when he intends to kill.  Think of him watching Sugimoto after Hemei’s death … how he was afraid of Sugimoto when he had no choice but to secretly work for Hijikata. 

Furthermore, his character development has been heartwarming … I really hope he eventually learns why Kiro was willing to die for his cause and to see a bigger picture.  But baby steps, he’s got his first real set of friends so let’s not rush his development.

Now the best example of these guys as a trio go back to the snake kamuy/snake bite incident.  Ogata is outside looking in on their behaviour, Sugimoto and Shiraishi are giving Asirpa a hard time and it is all in good fun.  Ogata takes her seriously but he’s not joking around with the others.  When they are in the swamp hunting cranes, Shiraishi tries so hard to talk to Ogata … but he’s purposely ignoring him being his loner self and Shiraishi is a friendly guy. 

When we jump to chapter 189, the friend trio is reunited!  Poor Ogata is passed out on the ice while we they are finally able to see each other once again.  I think this shows the stark contrast between the “serious” trio and the “friend” trio.

Both are valid trios - just that one will move the plot further a lot more than the other.  I don’t predict another flashback about Shiraishi - we got his prison break romance and that is likely it.  And it was all played for laughs.  If Shiraishi were a part of the “serious” trio, we would need to see a very deep and tragic/sad/emotional flashback from him.  We don’t have that, and I don’t think we will get that.

When Sugimoto almost kills Ogata, the chapter ends with him and Asirpa inside her hunting tent eating dinner together.  This is in direct contrast with Ogata being pulled from the river on a stretcher.

Both Sugimoto and Ogata have grown their hair out after leaving the military either by choice or not.  Yet, both men can’t escape the cycle.

Ultimately, Sugimoto, Asirpa and Ogata will move the plot forward more so than Shiraishi will.  That’s okay.  He’s added a lot of depth to the cast. 

#golden kamuy #gk meta #ogata hyakunosuke #sugimoto saichi #asirpa #shirashiyoshitake #trio

[velvet-tread]

Unfiltered sweary mess: 507 edition

I had thoughts so I decided to this again. Let’s hope it doesn’t become a habit.

Let’s start with the Bellarke of it all, and the sheer joy of seeing them hustle up a plan together on the fly. AND LISTEN I am not on the #bellamysucksnow train, or the #bellarkeisdead train either and as such fair warning there is squee incoming. It feels like the core of the show has returned to us after s4’s barren years and IT IS GREAT. And honestly? I don’t care that romance isn’t in the air between them RIGHT NOW. I thought I would mind but I don’t. It feels right. It feels true to Bellamy, and it feels true to Clarke, and it feels exactly like the vibe I’d expect and want between two characters who love and respect each other and their choices, who have been apart for so long and need to reconnect. Let’s do right by Clarke and Bellamy, yeah? We’ve waited for 4 seasons (the last of which gave us sweet fa) we can wait a little longer.

And seriously, even if it turns out they are just beautiful co-leaders with a lot of professional respect for each other (yeah RIGHT) they could never, ever kill that relationship for me as long as they are in scenes together like this. I don’t care if they don’t bang (call me out on my lies someone), but the concurrent Bellarke scenes in the dining hall, and the triffid room, and then on Echo-watch just gave me so many OTP vibes. Bellarke are at their most effective when they’re together, even better when they have the support of their genius friends. And we got a return of the Bellarke dry-as comedy double act WTF @the100writersroom are you trying to be good at your jobs or something.

Top bantz, as we’d say in Essex.

Too bad the Bellarke unity ain’t gonna last, but thankfully, Bellarke are just as awesome when they are just…very angry and exasperated with each other ok, but DON’T HURT YOUR PRECIOUS SELF I MAY BE FURIOUS BUT WHEN DID YOU LAST SLEEP AND DO YOU NEED SOMETHING TO EAT

Great to have Monty back in the frame cutting through everyone’s bullshit. I thought he’d been relegated to a bit part this season. Oh ye of little faith. Does anyone realise that Monty is the biological weapon earth forgot? Put that angry face in a room with Octavia and see how long it takes for her to crack and wither from Monty’s externalised disappointment with everyone and everything.

Bellamy burning Octavia ow ow ow. I’ve already spoken about this at some length but damn that hurt. And it was deserved, but still spoke to the depth of his contempt for Blodreina.

Which brings me to…BELLARKE V BLODREINA: GRUDGE MATCH

And man, was this grudge match some time coming. To make sure the audience was VERY CLEAR on EVERYONE’S MORAL STANDING, the show helpfully prepped us with some little reminders that Bellamy helped commit a massacre, and Clarke did a load of horrible human testing in Becca’s lab last season. Thanks show.

So, all armed and loaded, the mud slinging began, and boy was it awesome.  First of all Bellarke takes Octavia to task about the worms and TURNS OUT OCTAVIA DIDN’T KNOW which get a grip on power here Octavia because it’s slipping from your grasp faster than you can say Wonkru Barbecue (shoutout to @mego42 – your time is coming). But Miller obviously watched the earlier part of the show and recapped for Octavia just in time because she’s ready for that shit and fires everyone’s dark past back at them. Cue: Bellamy’s best frowny face and Eliza Taylor’s saddest, most regretful Clarke eyes.

Bellarke disarmed and cowed (for now) live to fight another war they don’t want to fight.

But Octavia’s grudge match continues in her office when Indra enters with the intention of being reasonable, which is exactly the kind of shit Blodreina has warned her about before so help her god.

Indra is, obviously, the Queen of Everything and My Heart and delivers some bitchass Truths as Indra is wont to do and Octavia rewards her by throwing what my mind remembers as a skull but was probably a paperweight because why would Octavia have a skull in her office *nervous laughter*

Indra leaves, still Queen of Everything and My Heart, but not before delivering a portentous warning about losing yourself in the dark, which obviously Octavia is not going to listen to because DAUGHTERS, MAN.

Talking of daughters, Madi trying to suck at training was the most adorbs thing I’ve seen in a long time, guys and I am subscribed to a LOT of cat blogs. And man I felt for her. Sucking at anything sucks, and sucking on PURPOSE is just the height of unfair. And she’s in a new school! And the other kids are mean! And maybe they eat people!

Serious question though: from whence did Madi learn her swordswomanship? Clarke? Helios? Roan? (too soon?).

But don’t blame Clarke, Madi! Clarke’s Madi feels are pretty much on a par with mine which means she wants to cry every time she looks at her earnest little face AND CLARKE I FEEL THAT SO HARD YOUR BABY IS ADORABADASS. Which also means MAMA MODE ACTIVATED when Vodka Aunt Octavia starts messing up that precious braid she put in Madi’s hair earlier.

Hey Vodka Aunt, you don’t just get to come in here and make executive choices about Madi’s career, especially given your past efforts at parenting *looks at Ethan*

Oh, oh, oh and WE GOT A RETURN OF THE MUSICAL INTERLUDE! It was like Knocking on Heaven’s Door and Early Seasons feels all over again. But I gotta say Jason, fresh from the Sense8 finale my musical interlude expectations are higher these days and I was a bit disappointed there wasn’t a dance off. Perhaps an orgy or an endgame B/C/E triad instead? *Wanheda jaw clench*

But anyway that whole sequence of Clarke sending Madi off to her first day of training sent me in to a spiral of sadness that lasted for a lot of minutes I wasn’t counting. It was very sad and I am sad about it. Poor Clarke.  Just as well Octavia helped her remember she’s motherfucking Wanheda.

MY GIRL ECHO MY GIRLING UP THE HOUSE.

Let’s just take a moment to appreciate what a babe Echo kom Spacekru nee Azgeda is.  First of all: EVIDENCE OF SPACE GIRL SQUAD and I am all here for that. Second of all Echo is officially the first person on the show to get one over of Colonel Charmaine Diyoza SOMEONE GET ME A FUCKING SHOT.

And listen up everyone who bashes at their keyboards dribbling with rage about the things other women like on television: I love ladies with swords and if you want an apology for that you’ll have to prise it out of my cold dead body. But can we just take a (second) moment to appreciate that for all of Echo’s badass sword skills, she is Clarke Griffining up this joint like a motherfucker. Echo is as Slytherin as Clarke and as sneaky as Clarke and as smart as Clarke and that manoeuvre she executed with Zeke and Raven was 100% a Clarke Griffin move, don’t @ me.

It’s almost like….they’re similar….on purpose….

Shout out to all the smart, insecure girls who aren’t sure if they belong. Learn to swordfight, use your brain, and get yourself a girl squad and a soft space dad boyfriend.

Sidebar: Clarke’s faith that Echo would take the eye down and her admiration when she does will keep me in Clecho feels for months.

But friends…I am the most fervent of Echo stans and Becho shippers and I am AFEARED. She is very much circling the abyss here and it gives me a sick feeling in my stomach. I believe Raven will forgive her (FOR WHAT CAN SOMEONE PLS ENLIGHTEN ME AS TO WHAT RAVEN IS SO PISSED ABOUT??) and I believe the rest of Spacekru will 100% understand what she did because it was presented to us as an understandable choice.  But but but… what’s next?  Diyoza ain’t gonna take the turn the other cheek approach to learning that Echo took down her eye in the sky. What if her next move is to make *Echo* her eyes in exchange for safe passage for Spacekru?

*sweats forever*

That seems like a Diyoza move. And like…where would that leave Echo with Bellamy? Her choice would be: tell him and risk the whole mission and/or turn him into a lying liar to his sister too, or not tell him and risk their entire relationship and hurt him very badly. I think I know which one my loyal girl would choose and how that would end.

Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

*ugly crying*

I’m not ready.

Okay it’s time for a Raven rant. What the hell is going on with Raven this season? Raven has had some beautifully executed arcs in the past, and I am high key here for her to finally get some NC-17 action now she’s done all that Work On Herself, but if Raven’s arc in s5 amounts to RAVEN DIDN’T GET BONED FOR 6 YEARS AND NOW SHE’S GETTING BONED then Imma flip a table.

Sidebar#2 obviously Raven got boned on the Ring, it’s not like they would have had a space orgy without her, come ON.

And just… I’m sorry I don’t get the Zaven. When they released the s5 pics I thought WOWZA these two are gonna be gr9 together and LOOK HE’S A SPACE EXPLORER. How could this possibly go wrong?  But somehow, they’ve managed to introduce a character who, on his own, is 10x as compelling as Wick, but has about -100% of the chemistry with Raven. Which is???? Some kind of alchemy??? how has that happened? I love Zeke! I love Raven!!! They’re both MAGNETIC on screen. On paper they should be a perfect fit but it’s like whenever they’re in the same scene together I have the sudden urge to check my emails.

And someone, please, just tell me what work Zaven is doing for either of these characters. What’s Raven’s conflict? How does Zeke resolve it? Is it *literally* Raven being presented with a hot dude with a similar skill set? Sorry I’m out.

And before anyone comes at me with the usual packet of whining about how Echo has stolen all of Raven’s screentime, I’d beg you all to remember that there is no law saying that one woman’s time on tv has to be at the expense of another and this is a GIANT SEXIST TRAP DO NOT FALL FOR IT.

Talking of out, Kabby is also circling the drain and [averts eyes from discourse].

But I’m calling Diyoza’s ship name, and if she bangs Kane I hereby pronounce it TEQUILA [whatever Kane’s ship name is, someone hmu].

OK I need to talk about Gaia now before I get shot down by a thunderbolt. The girl creeps me tf out but I SOMEHOW LOVE HER NOW. This is new and unnerving because feverish religious types are not usually my jam ESPECIALLY if they present Clarke’s daughter with a creepy sacred flash drive that they want to insert in her neck, but somehow Tati Gabrielle nails that line, even if my reaction seeing the Flame was exactly the same as my reaction to seeing the worms.

But I believe Gaia’s intentions, while creepy, are pure. And WHO PICKED UP on how fluid her loyalty is? She will serve Blodreina faithfully as long as she reigns. Huh.

In other news McCreary, and more importantly McCreary’s undercut, were absent from this episode I hope they are both enjoying Memori’s couples counselling retreat. I look forward to seeing his glazed expression next week as I cry my Becho tears.

#rach reviews #507 #usm #is the tag #the100 #bellarke #clarke griffin #becho #bellamy blake #octavia blake #echo kom azgeda #raven reyes #morning reblog

[old-long-john]

(1/2)Ok so I was reading this Silver meta that covers his entire character arc (less episode ten because I think it was written before it aired) that made some very good and interesting points. However, one thing that stuck out to me was his lost leg was kind of glossed over, and one of the assessments regarding his character, while true of many of his actions, contradicts that particular one.

(2/2) It got me thinking. What are your thoughts on it? I came late to the fandom so this has probably been discussed before, but it’s one of the defining points of Silver’s story, and I want to know everyone’s thoughts.

Ok, so this answer got truly excessive. It’s ridiculous. I thought I was barely scratching the surface of things there were to say about the significance of the loss of Silver’s leg to his character arc, but then it got longer than most of the undergrad essays I ever wrote (final word count 3110…). Yikes. I don’t know if I went overboard, or whether there really is just that much to point out, but this became a literal essay with quotes and everything. Suffice it to say, I think my one line tl;dr is: ‘if you write about Silver’s character arc without talking about the loss of his leg then you’re really missing a lot, because it ties into everything’. Either that or I’m reaching and rambling and I need to not do that.

A longer tl;dr: The loss of his leg opened up a whole world of new experiences for Silver. It forced him to feel and do and be things he had spent a long time carefully shutting out, and in doing so it didn’t just turn him into a new person, but a person who was at odds with all of the things he had built his previous life upon.

I’ll put the rest under a cut, because otherwise I’d be a dash-clogging monster.

So this is one of those questions that feels quite difficult to know where to start with, because it’s a huge and nebulous thing, but I’m aware that I actually have a lot of thoughts about it (some only half-formed, and over a year old) floating around in the recesses of my brain. Hopefully I’ll be able to answer in a way that ends up vaguely coherent, but we’ll see. I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on it too (and I know that there are at least two people in the fandom who have similar disabilities and would probably have very insightful and perhaps different thoughts on the whole thing).

It is surprising to me that the profound importance of the loss of Silver’s leg could be glossed over at this point. Perhaps it’s because we haven’t seen him suffer with it quite so viscerally in season 4 as in season 3, but I still think acknowledging all the facets of that loss are critical to understanding his character arc right to the very end. And given the things we learned for certain about him in 4x09, I think it’s kind of incredible how much fascinating context those things give to a plotline that was always in some form set in stone thanks to the novel that shall not be named.

Oddly, I’d somehow managed to forget that one of Long John Silver’s defining characteristics was the missing leg and the crutch (I don’t think I ever read or watched TI as a kid), and so when it happened it was a complete shock to me. I’m strangely glad of that, because it meant I wasn’t waiting for it to happen and it didn’t colour my views of any of the storylines that preceded it. I kind of feel like that particular ‘holy shit’ moment was my plot twist, since I knew about James/Thomas before I watched 2x05. I think perhaps it also meant that I was even more fascinated than I might have been by his actions and reactions regarding it (though I know I’m not at all alone in that), because to me it hadn’t been an inevitability (‘Nothing is inevitable here’…). Also, Luke Arnold is a goddamn majestical actor and his micro-expressions have been murdering me for a long time now. You can tell he’s been acting opposite Toby ‘one facial twitch and you’re crying’ Stephens.

Right from the first moment we met him, we’ve known John Silver was a chancer, and a chameleon, and someone who had very deliberately chosen not to be a joiner. He didn’t need anyone, and he only allowed himself to be needed insofar as it was beneficial to him. I adore Luke Arnold’s line about how Silver’s ‘a guy who’s always had one leg out the door, and then they cut it off’. It’s funny, but it’s also amazingly accurate on multiple levels. When he lost his leg, he didn’t just lose a limb, and his mobility, and a life free of pain (which are awful enough), he lost access to most of the ways in which he had always known how to survive: the ability to be a chancer, and a chameleon, and the option not to be a joiner. It trapped him. The man who had seemingly spent his life demonstrating that ‘there’s always a way’ out of any situation, had it proved definitively that that wasn’t the case. He couldn’t talk his way out of what happened to him, and the futures it left open to him were a much narrower range of options than anyone would feel comfortable with, let alone a man like him. He never wanted to be a pirate, but suddenly making a life on that crew where he mattered looked like the only choice he had.

The one moment I’ve always found most interesting, and I’m not sure whether I’ve seen it discussed before, is the look on Silver’s face at the end of 2x10 when Flint’s being outrageously soft and gentle with his brand new baby quartermaster. Flint’s been talking about transitions and men who can be relied upon, while Silver’s hand hovers over the edge of the blanket, almost but not quite able to lift it and look at the consequences of his decisions, and only half listening to what Flint’s saying. And Flint tells Silver he’s been voted quartermaster, the other huge consequence of his decisions, and then says, ‘It’s a funny thing. The more those men need you, the more you need them, and it drives us to do the most unexpected things.’ And then Silver looks down at his leg again and he pulls this face:

(gif by sorenkingsley)

He looks so angry and disgusted, and I think it’s aimed at himself. It breaks my heart more than a little that one of the biggest lessons Silver learnt over the four seasons was a thing he already knew at the beginning: if you get close to people you will get hurt. The very first time he chose to do something truly selfless, because the crew liked him and called him a brother, he was punished for it by being mutilated. That’s truly fucking awful. In a story full of undeserved cruelties, it’s up there with the worst of them.

Silver said in 4x09 that the only meaning that could be divined from some of the events in his life was that ‘the world is a place of unending horrors’, and that he’d ‘come to peace with the knowledge that there is no storyteller imposing any coherence, nor sense, nor grace, upon those events’. I’d imagine that having it confirmed that no good deed goes unpunished, in a most violent way, only solidified that certainty. And to add insult to injury (literally), it was an event and subsequent state of being that came to define him, as he never wanted to be defined by the horrors of his past.

I find season 3 to be a really interesting time for Silver in a lot of ways. He really does undergo a huge metamorphosis. As much as we’ve joked about how season 3 Silver consistently fails the Flint Bechdel Test (he’s either talking to Flint or about Flint for a huge majority of the time), the other thing that is consistently unavoidable in his season 3 scenes is the impact of his disability on his life, and the ways in which he’s trying (and failing) to cope with it. Right from the outset we have the scene with Howell (RIP lovely sawbones 3) where we see exactly where we are in terms of Silver’s suffering, his struggling, and his refusal to appear weak or compromised in front of anyone. The boy’s a mess, pretending to be ok, and it sets up so much of what we see from him for the whole season. It’s all such a contrast to how he was we first met him. From ‘are you a coward?’, ‘yeah, you too?’ to ‘I cannot look weak. I cannot feel weak. I cannot be weak’. It’s fine to be a coward when you can actually run away. He’s having to hold his world together with both hands, because he doesn’t have both feet.

Weakness and a perceived lack of usefulness are a running theme throughout season 3 (and beyond). Silver has never had to rely on anybody else before, but has ingratiated himself with people by making them rely on him. In the scene where Howell explains that he has to take off the leg or else Silver will die, he is obviously panicking and terrified, but the moment when Muldoon says ‘the crew’ll look after you, don’t worry about that’ is the one where a look of wide-eyed horror settles on his face and he seems to realise all the things that are suddenly inevitable (and once again, ‘nothing is inevitable here’ and ‘there’s always a way’). When he wakes up and tells Flint the ‘truth’ about the gold, he says he’s telling him about ‘what we’ll likely face [in Nassau]’. He already knows he’s irrevocably bound to Flint’s crew now, and I think he knew it for certain the moment Muldoon said it, if not earlier when he called the crew ‘my men’. I love that even though they explicitly revisited and explained that moment with Muldoon later on, Silver’s horror at those words in particular was there for all to see right from the beginning.

When he and Muldoon spoke about it in 3x02, Silver said that he was ‘useless to them up top’ and that he had to ‘do [his] part somehow’, and Muldoon had to explain to him that the security of his place on the crew wasn’t based on utilitarianism and that, even if it was, it wouldn’t work like that for Silver. Basically, they didn’t need to need him, because they liked him. That’s a hell of a long way from the method by which Silver wormed his way back into their fold a season earlier: ‘They can hate me, they just need to need me.’ Losing his leg left Silver living in opposite land, where being a crafty, two-faced, snake in the grass was not going to do him any favours, and he suddenly needed people’s love for him to be genuine and unconditional. And these were men he had been lying to and betraying so recently. I wonder how far their love and respect for what he did in Charles Town would go towards forgiving him if they found out he stole the $5 million out from under them all?

Then, right after having that conversation about being being afraid of being reliant on others and being unable to contribute enough to make it an even and controllable relationship, Silver found himself completely powerless to save Muldoon from drowning. Perhaps he wouldn’t have been able to save him even if he had two legs, but you just know Silver would always wonder whether that was a situation that proved that his being ‘an invalid’ made him both useless and powerless. No wonder the darkness became so attractive to him at the end of the season; the power it gave him, and the feelings of control over his own fate that it restored, must have been such a welcome relief.

I really think losing his leg was a very specific catalyst for a lot of the best and worst things Silver grew into. They were undoubtedly in there all along, and they came out in the forms that they did partly because of all his other baggage and his personality, but the leg was the thing that pushed them into being. He gave a shit about the crew beforehand, certainly - it’s what got him into that whole mess - but the things we saw afterwards, like his angry defence of the men in the doldrums, and the way he held Muldoon’s hand as he died, were the actions of a man who had been forced by circumstance into truly caring about his men as individuals, and who was also terrified of losing their support and love, because it’s all that he had. Not only did losing his leg make Silver a quartermaster, it made him a good quartermaster. At least, up until he and Flint started opening doors for each other and he figured out he could beat the shit out of those men or send them to their deaths and still have their respect. Damn, son.  

The flip side of the caring induced by his loss was the hate, both for himself and for others. He was so unsure of himself with Flint undermining him at every turn. ‘I told you, I just don’t see a way,’ is what he said to Billy. His world had been upturned and he didn’t know what his place in it was any more. If there wasn’t always a way, then what the hell was a chameleon trickster supposed to do about his newfound lot in life? Be honest, as it turns out. He was feeling honest feelings, so he started saying honest words. There’s so much to be gleaned from his shark date conversation with Flint, and the most fundamental thing is that he’s being horribly, painfully honest for the first time. Not just about the gold and the lying, but about himself. He lays all his cards on the table and acknowledges something that Flint used against him months before: where else would he wake up in the morning and matter? ‘Without those men, all I am is an invalid.’

That self-hatred or insecurity was something we saw more than once. Even much later in the season when he had somewhat found his feet again (no pun intended) and was on decent terms with Flint. When Billy suggested he go to the tavern to announce Flint’s return, Silver said ‘who’ll be able to take their eyes off the one-legged creature?’. It seemed as though he was already learning to use it to his advantage, and perhaps that wasn’t such an example of him hating this new facet of himself, but then Dufresne tried to use it against him. His plan had been to use his words to persuade, as he always had, and I think he probably would have continued with that method for longer if Dufresne hadn’t stuck a knife in that one wound that was still festering and painful: you are less than whole, an invalid, a creature, and unworthy of the position you occupy.

For basically all of the first two seasons Silver barely cared about anyone or anything, because he was still that drifter who just happened to be clinging onto this ride for the time being. He didn’t care about anyone but himself and so he didn’t really hate anyone either, because to hate requires you to care. He also didn’t have much pride. We know he had killed for personal gain (the cook), but what happened with Dufresne was something else entirely. I don’t know how much of that violence was in response to Dufresne hitting a seriously sore spot, and how much it was because it happened in front of a room full of people and wounded his newly awoken pride as well (likely it was a perfect storm of the two), but it was an absolute red mist moment. It was his ‘good sense escapes you’ moment. It was his Singleton moment. Deliberately detached Silver was a thing of the distant past. This Silver found himself capable of such blinding rage that he could stove a man’s head in just for insulting him and then turn it into a piece of pirate theatre for his own benefit. He’d spent however long before 2x10 carving little niches for himself in the fabric of the world, wherever there was a space for him to exploit, and all of a sudden he found that he could do it again. This time, though, his act of insinuating himself into a role wasn’t a snaking, insidious thing, allowed to happen because he made himself look innocent and unthreatening, but a brazen and violent statement that he was someone to watch and fear, after being judged to be unthreatening against his will. He took his weakness, real and perceived, and made it a new strength, learning how to use it to bend the world to his will again. 

I suppose, in short, Silver’s disability, the situations it trapped him in, and the path it set him on were instrumental in forcing him to actually feel things, good and bad. But not only that, the loss itself was a fundamental reason behind why he found himself desperately trying to fill a hole that hadn’t been there before. It was becoming truly powerless that awoke his appetite for power to its fullest extent. It was being forced to feel vulnerable and unthreatening, whether he wanted it or not, that caused him to find those things so revolting and unbearable. It was needing to be loved and supported that made him open up to the realisation that the journey into the light felt just as good as the journey into the dark, and as dangerous as it might be in the long run, getting close to people was a comfort he couldn’t go back to denying himself once he’d had it.

Then season 4 happened. I think season 4 really solidified the fact that Silver had some serious self-worth issues going on, deep down and well hidden, before we even met him, and that the amputation and everything that followed only exacerbated them. His ‘would I be enough for you?’ and ‘can that be enough and there still be trust between us?’ take his season 3 insecurities and plunge them down to newly personal and upsetting levels. This wasn’t just a man who felt as though he was robbed of wholeness by one horror he had suffered, this was a man who had been running from horrors his whole life, avoiding being defined by them, and was now defined almost entirely by this one-legged persona that was completely divorced from any other versions of himself outside of the context of the war that he might once have known how to be. He found himself trapped in the body and story of Long John Silver, a fiction who mattered more than he did. Chronologically, his conversation with Flint came first, and Flint declined to answer whether Silver’s true friendship and loyalty could be enough for him. Then Madi declined to answer whether his love and the bare bones of who he was as a person could be enough for her. None of the good things he learned to feel and give through his loss made him enough for anyone, but it was too late to close that door and unlearn how to feel them. And so he panicked, and spiralled, and fell back on old tricks, like lying, and new ones, like hating.

The loss of his leg opened up a whole world of new experiences for Silver. It forced him to feel and do and be things he had spent a long time carefully shutting out, and in doing so it didn’t just turn him into a new person, but a person who was at odds with all of the things he had built his previous life upon. I think it’s incredibly fascinating how his past, present, and future were all woven together by this one event. And I didn’t even touch on the physical suffering of it and how it proved categorically that he was neither a coward nor unable to endure pain. He said in 2x01, ‘I am happy to find some other place to survive’. Perhaps it was learning what clinging on for mere survival really looked like that made him want to live a life that was something more.  

#queen-max #I'm sorry this took so long #it became a beast of a thing and I'm not entirely sure how it happened #there's even other stuff I didn't mention