#the metatron answers

[the-metatron]

Did you hear that @bil-daddy and @mrazfellco are getting married?

Is that so?

Well, then.

We'll just have to see about that, won't we?

#the metatron answers #the voice of god speaks #the metatron ruins relationships #ineffable divorce

[gods-suggestion-box]

Could we save Monty Python's Life of Brian?

You mean the 1979 comedy film that makes a mockery of the so-called Son of God, @one-coming-is-enough?

Yes. You can save it. I would very much like for it to be preserved.

#suggestion accepted #the metatron answers #the voice of god speaks

[pret-a-metatron]

Hey! I’m allergic to almonds! You can’t just put this shit in my drink! I’ll be reporting you to the Health Department!

Oh, don't worry, anon. That wasn't almonds you tasted. Your allergic reaction will not be triggered, and I'm sure you'll be perfectly fine...

#the metatron answers #pret a metatron

[heavenshrdepartment]

I'd like to file a formal complaint against the Metatron.

That man ate my son.

You are aware that I, @the-metatron, have access to this inbox, aren't you?

Please see me in my office, anon. I'll reunite you with your son.

#heavens hr department #The Metatron answers #Good omens #Ineffable

[metatrons-heavenly-kingdom]

Of course, I belong here. A truely blessed venture!

Welcome, young one, to my Heavenly Kingdom.

#metatron's heavenly kingdom #metatron's kingdom of heaven #the metatron answers #the metatron speaks #the voice of god speaks #enoch speaks

[guardian-of-soho]

Thinking again about the very first scene, and how Aziraphale was fascinated and besotted by the Starmaker. Not-yet-Crowley is so full of light, and joy, and innocent intent — and Aziraphale is already afraid. He already knows not to ask questions. Whoever he’s been with, they aren’t like the Starmaker. Heaven already isn’t safe; they don’t love what they’ve made. They’re blithely planning its destruction. But the Starmaker loves his stars. He wants them to live. And even though Aziraphale doesn’t have words yet for what is wrong in Heaven, he feels the fear of it — and he sees the Starmaker hasn’t gone wrong yet, and he loves him for it. He loves him for loving the world.

#it GETS TO ME #who frightened him? #how did Crowley miss the fear? #is it because he’s out on his own? is his whole team just sweet souls? #how many angels hated the plan when they heard it? #how many fell because they wouldn’t sign on to see what they’d made burn? #did any demand answers from god and get only the Metatron’s bland refusal #the way Aziraphale did in the end? #good omens 2 #good omens #ineffable husbands

[the-almighty-god]

Opinions on the Metatron?

He is great. I couldn’t wish for a more loyal and competent spokesman and scribe.

#the almighty answers #ineffable #good omens #the metatron

[enoch-the-human]

wait if methuselah's mom was mama ru (or another drag queen) how does that work??? did you birth him yourself???

Yes.

#enoch answers #the voice of god speaks #metatron speaks #mpreg #(metatron-pregnant)

[sherokutakari]

quick question before I go insane why can The Metatron just come into the bookshop without invitation

#Good Omens #Good Omens 2 #Spoilers #like the demons i assume were covered under Maggie's invitation #and Crowley effectively invited the angels in when he was like Aziraphale did a thing we gotta go see #but The Metatron?? #WHY ARE YOU EXEMPT SIR #I WANT ANSWERS

[good-soupmens]

#secret answer: metatron and death #good omens #good omens ships #ineffable beurocracy #gabriel x beelzebub #shadwell x tracy #sergeant shadwell #madame tracy #maggie x nina #anathema x newt #poll

[the-metatron]

What happened to the duke of hell that got hit with the holy water by Crowley?? And what's your opinion on the two dukes being in a romantic relationship with each other 🎤🎤🎤🎤

Why should I--the Metatron, Voice of God, Ruler of Heaven--know or care about what demons of Hell are doing, whatever their titles? When Armageddon comes, they will be imprisoned eternally, while those judged worthy will live in paradise with me in my @metatrons-heavenly-kingdom.

Though it does make me question how the Demon Crowley came to precure holy water in the first place...

#the metatron answers #the voice of god speaks #enoch speaks #the metatron speaks #the metatron's kingdom of heaven #metatron's heavenly kingdom #the metatron's heavenly kingdom

[gods-suggestion-box]

Almighty, can you please give Michael a formal warning? She made a homophobic comment and Supreme Archangel Aziraphale didn’t do anything because she “scares him” and “he misses Crowley” :(

I'm sure this is all just a silly misunderstanding. Angels are sexless by nature, and therefore very few of them have any understanding of sex, let alone the diverse spectrum of human sexuality. Homophobia would never even occur to an angel.

Even so, we take accusations like this very seriously. I spoke to the Archangel Michael and she recorded this apology song:

#the metatron answers #the voice of god speaks #good omens #ineffable

[pret-a-metatron]

hallo!! could i get a latte please?

Coming right up, Mr Termite. I made this one special for you.

Drink up!

#the metatron answers #the voice of god speaks #enoch speaks #pret a metatron

[the-archangel-squad]

so…can i come back?

@michaelwiththegoodhair: no. Once a traitor, always a traitor.

@uriel-on-ice: no. Do you know how annoying it would be to have two Aziraphales up here? One is already too many.

@sandalphonsgoldteeth: I WANT GABRIEL BACK *sobs*

@saraqael-the-sarcastic: let's ask @the-metatron what he thinks

@supremearchangelaziraphale: yes, of course, we'd be delighted to have you back *already packing his bags, getting ready to escape as soon as @books4azi takes his place*

@archangelcrowliel: yup, sure, welcome back, you're in charge now, have fun! *shakes hand, shoves a clipboard and paperwork into @books4azi's arms*

*grabs @supremearchangelaziraphale and hurries them both out the door before anyone can stop them*

#the archangel squad answers #the archangel squad speaks #good omens #ineffable #archangel squad speaks #michael good omens #sandalphon good omens #uriel good omens #saraqael good omens #sandalphon cries #archangel crowliel #supreme archangel aziraphale #the metatron

[muzzleroars]

Give us pls more lore about urielllll it's really interesting that he censors things, like what other shady stuff does he do? Or how does he feel about the drama around him?

uriel is REALLY interesting, given his position - he actually knows everything that happens, as in. his books contain all of the whole of history and he isn't just a conduit, he consciously remembers all of it. this is limited to events, so he doesn't know people's thoughts, emotions, or motivations, but no action can be hidden from uriel so he's actually heaven's biggest secret keeper. he is generally quite trustworthy, as he really isn't a talker because if he had any interest in gossip it would be disastrous, but this also means uriel has near total control of the narrative. his books are considered the Truth, the fount of supreme and complete knowledge of all of god's word, but they are in fact edited and censored. truthfully, much of this censorship comes from god himself - he had uriel strike out much about hell's creation as well as its current status, but uriel retains that information as he is god's ultimate "backup". like. he knows hell is alive, he knows what became of lucifer, and he knows all the horrors generally shielded from angelic eyes, all information that was edited in his actual records (also much rewriting of lucifer's words and arguments that led up to the war, to serve god's narrative) uriel is heavily burdened by this, riddled with anxiety and strained near to breaking point as a general rule, but one would never know looking at him - he's very quiet, always sitting by a brightly sunny window with each hand dutifully writing his illuminated manuscripts. the pages are beautiful, gilded in gold and silver with inks of every color and illustrations that seem to come to him in a trance, pages turning constantly in a flurry of all the events of the world. he can carry a conversation despite it, but his words are usually slow and phrased almost always as proverbs or wisdom. however....god isn't the only editor of his books.

the thing is, god stopped fact-checking uriel's work a LONG time ago, secure in the fact that uriel has never caused any trouble and he could always use uriel himself as a comparison since his memories contain the truth of reality. so uriel is given total control over his writings, writings he is so dedicated to he has never slept, working ceaselessly ever since receiving his first book. a model angel really. this trust has allowed uriel to edit in the same ways god does but for his own reasons - it doesn't occur often, but he does have need of it on occasion. in general, he usually uses it to prop up the archangels, making gabriel, michael, and raphael appear as flawless characters throughout history, or at the very least softening any wrongs. largely, this is through his wording and it's actually difficult to notice the discrepancies for anyone else who reads the account, even if they are aware of the event itself. (i also like to think he absolutely has covered for gabriel, writing over his visits to hell and his socializing with sinners to contain completely fabricated events.) uriel is considered entirely impartial by a majority of those in heaven, so whatever is written must be truth. it's sad in some sense, as very few around him even know he has emotions, instead viewing him almost as a computer merely copying words onto paper...but it allows him to get away with this at the very least.

however, once god disappears, uriel's constant stream of knowledge is brutally cut off and suddenly he's left in the world alone, hands finally still for the first time in eons. the final sentence sits on the final page of his final book. "God has departed." the world crashes in around him, all he has carried, all he has known, suffocating him in an instant and yet more than that he is panicked by the lack he now feels. time hasn't stopped, the world continues around him, yet now he only knows what he sees right in front of him. he is frozen in the shock, finding himself soon swarmed by multitudes of angels desperate to see what he has written because surely uriel will know, surely his book will contain the answers they need. the other archangels part the crowd and michael reads from his book, but it offers no solace. uriel has nothing to tell them, and for the first time in his existence, he feels like a failure to them. he is meant to know of every event and contain a recording any can look back to so nothing is left unknown, but for this he can provide no answer. for me, uriel sort of heralds the end of heaven as it once was, for soon afterward he closes an unfinished book and that sign is taken as an ill omen by all the choirs. he will write no more. it isn't long before he falls into his "meditation", the fire of the holy spirit entirely faded from his being and heaven is left without its record (those wishing to form the council begin in earnest now, as they know uriel is no longer watching, and i believe they also encourage michael in his idea to seek out god to really rid them of the only archangel they believe remains to pose a threat...BUT I DIGRESS)

FINALLY, when uriel wakes up, he is obviously still left without his ever-present knowing, but the knowledge he retains is most helpful in reestablishing some order and answering the questions that remain. it becomes apparent that this burden has strained him far more than any of them understood, and it also brings unpleasant truths to them....but that blame doesn't really fall on him. he's currently a bit of a nervous wreck, but journaling helps him redirect that energy at least in part, and he actually is one of the first to bond again with michael, in no small part because they both feel as though their time has passed. he still finds himself dropping off unexpectedly into sleep, but raphael tells him it's likely due to how much he didn't for the majority of his existence.

#uriel at this point is really brain full head empty #didn't expect to uhhhhh talk SO much about but i actually love him a whole lot despite being the one i talk about the least #but like. that's how uriel is. he's a very background player yet who is profoundly important in heaven #i think he and metatron would have similar feelings after god disappears honestly #like neither of them can carry on their task at all without him so it's....a weird place to be #cake answers #uriel #rise and fall au

[methuselah-son-of-enoch]

hey! psst! you sure you still wanna work in that coffee shop for free?

Hmm...perhaps I don't. Do you know of any other coffee shops in London that are hiring?

#methuselah answers #methuselah son of enoch #methuselah son of the metatron #pret a metatron