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grottylittlefox · 8 months

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How could I ever forget you? Chapter 18

Sebastian Sallow/Professor Sallow × f!MC / reader

Slow burn/fluff/angst, aged up characters 18-mid 20s

Somehow it had taken until your final day at Hogwarts to finally show Sebastian how you felt, and by then it was too late. Years pass and your distance grows stronger, despite your many efforts for him. A surprise encounter at a new job could change things forever. Finding each other once again at the very place you first met, Hogwarts.

Chapter 1: "I guess this is it"

Chapter 2: "Oh how I missed you"

Chapter 3: "Goodbye, Sebastian"

Chapter 4: " think it's time you move on"

Chapter 5: "Professor Sallow?"

Chapter 6: "Welcome Home"

Chapter 7: "You're my good luck charm"

Chapter 8: "I'm more of a butterfly person"

Chapter 9: “What have you become?”

Chapter 10: “I have something for you”

Chapter 11: “Curious”

Chapter 12: “I can never stay away from you”

Chapter 13: “Meet me in the undercroft”

Chapter 14: “Shall we dance?”

Chapter 15: “Maybe I’m just as messed up as you”

Chapter 16: “I need you”

Chapter 17: “Isn’t this a nice surprise”

Chapter 18: “I suggest you quit while you’re ahead”

The days leading up to Christmas couldn't have gone any faster. Before you knew it you were waving the students goodbye on the Hogsmeade station platform, sending them off to the warmth of their families.

You however, were welcoming your family home.

"There it is!" Professor Onai grinned from beside you, pointing ahead at the face of a train pushing through thick white smoke. With a loud toot, the chugging machine came to a halt, the carriage doors springing open.

Out onto the platform stepped your best friend, the person you were missing most in the world, Natty. Wrapped up in a red woollen jumper and her braided hair floating in the wind, she was glowing. Her mother stepped past you, pulling her into a hug, causing you to beam at their joy. However it wasn't long before you were pulled into that hug too, giggling in the cold with your favourite person. Well, second favourite person.

It meant everything to see Natty again, to know she was safe. The admiration you felt for her went beyond words. She was the one person you could really use some advice from right now, but you dare not ask. To run the risk of Sebastian's life was too much. In fact, you hadn't told Natty a thing about his condition, nor the details of your new found closeness. The last Natty heard you were dating Garreth, Merlin you'd better update her on that too..

You hadn't managed to get a word in the whole walk back to the castle, she had plenty to tell her Mother which you of course understood. Besides, something else had your attention as the three of you stumbled through the snow. The lake. Every time you passed it you found yourself hypnotised, it was all but impossible to focus knowing that what you needed could lie beneath the thick ice that still remained in place of rolling waves.

A tight clasp suddenly grabbed your wrist.

"Don't."

Professor Onai's word rang deep, echoing in your skull. She knew something.

Natty turned to her mother, completely baffled at what she was doing.

"What's going on?" She said cautiously, aware that clearly her mothers gift had come to use.

"I don't know what you're thinking of doing down there, but don't." The Professor paused for a moment, slowly closing her eyes. "I sense only danger, the darkest and coldest kind. Happiness being snapped away in an instant. You.... And someone else."

There was a silence between the three of you. A real dampener on the joy that was ringing just moments ago.

"Mother, please not now-" Natty broke the silence.

"No-" you interrupted. "I understand, I- I won't," you lied.

The Professor nodded to you, snapping out of it in a instant.

"Don't look at me like that!" She said to Natty with a chuckle, as the two of them made their way towards the castle walls. You lingered behind them a couple of paces, your mind spinning about what this could all mean, attempting to process.

"I uh, have somewhere I need to be. I'll see you at dinner?" You called out with a smile as they approached the door.

Natty nodded and waved, mouthing the words 'I'm sorry!" as she closed the door behind her.

You went to the only place you knew could provide any solace right now, the undercroft.

~~~

As you sat in the corner of the candlelit chamber, your thoughts scoured for any kind of answer.

Did you even believe in divination anyway? Sebastian always insisted it was a load of rubbish.

But what Professor Onai said, it was so.. specific. 'You and.. someone else' that someone else obviously being Sebastian. Danger in the lake, it was all.. worrisome.

There was nobody to confide in, you certainly couldn't tell Sebastian. And Natty, oh Merlin would you be in trouble for dabbling in all of this if she found out.

Perhaps you shouldn't dabble at all?

But Sebastian.. he'll...

It was an endless cycle, a cycle with no answer. And somehow you had let this cycle eat away at you for hours, as before long it was already time for dinner.

~~~

Wandering through the practically empty halls, you tried everything you could to push it all to the back of your mind. To enjoy one nice evening with your friend was all that you needed, and this gruesome prophecy was not going to ruin that.

You thought for a moment that you might have missed it as you stepped into the Great Hall, before remembering that most of the students had left for the holidays. Despite the room being completely empty, rows and rows of delicious food still remained, completely untouched.

A soft touch graced your waistline, luring you back in to the little room that stood between dinner and the halls of the castle. You didn't need to turn to know who it was, this gentleness had become oh so familiar, like returning home. Breath tickled your earlobe as a chin arrived on your shoulder, guiding you behind the door to remain out of sight.

"Sebastian.." came from under your breath. He said nothing, but you felt a grin stretch across his face at hearing his name. His fingertips exploring your waist further, you gave in, turning to face him as he pressed his forehead to yours. Interlacing your hand with his, you played with his fingers, letting out the smile you'd been trying to hold back.

"What is it?" You whispered with a blush, as if nothing of note had had you in crippling despair for the past few hours.

"Spend Christmas Eve with me?" He whispered back, his eyes begging you to say yes.

You were melting into him. It was hard to believe that this was the same man who was ignoring you just a few months ago. But you knew it was too good to be true, after all. He could be ripped away in an instant if you didn't hurry up and find this item. You wished more than anything that you could enjoy a single moment with him without reality plaguing your mind. A harsh reminder of how much you had to cherish this, before it was too late.

A quick 'ahem' interrupted your reply.

"What an interesting development," said a smug looking face, eyes filled with thrill.

"Natty-" Sebastian replied awkwardly, stepping back a little but keeping your fingers intertwined with his. "It's good to see you again."

By now you were looking like a tomato, blushing the deepest red, your eyes still glued to Sebastian.

"Come, MC. We have much to catch up on," Natty teased, gesturing you to follow.

Reluctantly you pulled your hand away from his, turning to Natty as she wandered into the hall.

Sebastian however, wasn't having it. With a gentle but powerful grip on your forearm he pulled you back in, bringing his hand to your cheek.

"I didn't get my answer."

"I think you know it's always yes."

~~~

"FINALLY!" Exclaimed Natty, a little too loud over the table, absolutely thrilled at the news that you and Sebastian were at last... something.

There was however a slight issue with the news, the entire story you just told her was a lie. You couldn't exactly tell her the truth, that Sebastian was cursed under an unbreakable vow, that his whole engagement was a sham. A little fluffed up story about how he had a change of heart would do much better in Natty's ears.

You'd become a bit of a frequent liar recently, which before all of this, was entirely out of character.

But was it? You'd spent a good portion of your life lying about, or to Sebastian. Lying about being completely fine with his engagement, pretending you'd never even had feelings for him in the first place. And now you're here, lying to your best friend because of those feelings. Lying to Garreth, lying to Sebastian again about not getting involved and now lying to yourself. Telling yourself it would all be okay, telling yourself you can save him.

Professor Onai's voice whispering in your head.

Can you really save him.. or are you doomed to fail?

~~~

It was Christmas Eve at last, and you stood outside Professor Sallows office door, balancing a tray of cookies atop a neatly wrapped gift.

Before you could even reach to knock, the door swung open. Sebastian stood before you, grinning ear to ear at the sight.

"Come in."

He lead you through and you carefully placed the cookies and gift on his desk. Candlelight flickered through the cinnamon smelling room as the fireplace roared in front of blanket covered sofa. With the same pile of books you'd left there sitting on a coffee table accompanied by two mugs of swirling hot chocolate.

"Is that for me?" Sebastian whispered eagerly, pointing to the gift like a little boy on Christmas morning.

It killed you to be a disappointment, but you had to tell the truth.

"The gift is for Anne, but the cookies are all yours," you said, perching on the edge of the sofa.

Despite your expectation, hearing the gift was not for him but for Anne only sent a soft smile across his lips. He sat down on the sofa beside you and took a breath. His hands traveled up towards you waist, closing you in as he pulled you forward. Before you knew it you were piled on top of him, laying across the sofa with his hand buried in your hair.

Your ear to his chest, the only thing breaking the silence was the rhythmic beating of his heart, and his slow breathing that raised your body ever so slightly.

"Thank you," he whispered, so quietly you weren't sure you were even meant to hear it. You also weren't sure what exactly he was thanking you for. The gift for Anne, or for just being there?

The Sebastian you knew before had entirely crumbled to dust, the hard exterior was no more. This man needed someone, someone to confide in, someone to hold him, and that someone was you.

You lay in bliss, intertwined under the heat of fire. Focusing only on the here and the now, making every attempt to forget the stakes that brought you here.

"As much as I'm truly enjoying this," Sebastian said softly. "I'd really like a cookie."

You sat up, beaming at him. He was absolutely adorable. His hair all disheveled from your fingertips, his freckles highlighted under the warm light. Tonight felt different, like you were seeing a side of him you hadn't yet, or at least not since you were students.

He reached over the cookies and took a bite, his eyes glowing as the taste hits his tongue.

"You did good."

And once again that smile left you a red stuttering mess.

Your eyes wandered over to the pile of books you still hadn't read, the ones Sebastian had forbid you from opening.

"May I?" You asked, reaching over to the top of the stack.

He chuckled, crossing his leg over the other.

"You don't need my permission. But treat yourself, since it's Christmas," he winked. "Besides, like I said.. there's nothing in there of note. And I know what you're looking for."

"What makes you so sure?" You said back, a hint of tease on your lips. You were certain he didn't know, not the specifics anyway.

He rolled his eyes with a smirk.

"Unless you have a sudden passion for archaeology, I think I know what you're doing."

"And I think I know more than you realise."

Sebastian leaned forward, his lips hovering yours, his eyes jet black.

"Then I suggest you quit while you're ahead."

Something in your brain switched in that moment. The tone of his voice seeping with desire. There was something so wrong about the way he just spoke to you, and there was something even more wrong about the way it made you feel.

Was it protective, was it a lack of faith? You didn't know. You only knew it filled you with fire, a need to keep going, a need to disobey his wishes.

The hunger inside of you only allowed for one thing, and that was pushing your lips against his. He met yours with a bite that travelled down to neck as he lowered you under him.

You were finally alone, no consequences, no interruptions. Nothing but pure desire that reflected in the heat of the fire beside you. You were all of each other, and nothing in the world could stop you.

~~~

Your eyes fluttered open as streaks of light soaked through the stained glass window. Quickly your mind began to piece together the memory of where exactly you were, which was all confirmed when the strong arm wrapped around your body tightened. Sebastian.

Cramped together on his office sofa, you lay in nothing but his button up shirt that he was wearing when you arrived at the door.

Merlin, this was not how you expected the night to go, but you were not even a little bit mad about it.

Sebastian whimpered in his slumber, his bare chest pressed firmly against your back. If only you could have stayed there forever. But you couldn’t, it was Christmas Day, and Anne was waiting for you.

You shuffled under the blanket, rolling over to face him. Your eyes followed the freckles across his face, you’d never had the chance to admire him so close, and somehow at such a distance he was even more perfect.

“Sebastian,” you whispered. “Merry Christmas.”

You placed a gentle kiss at the tip of his nose, prompting his eyes to blink open. Sebastian sighed out a smile as he focused on you, taking in the reality of you wrapped in his arms.

“I don’t think I could have dreamed of a better gift than this,” he chuckled under his breath before leaning his lips towards your collarbone and placing a soft kiss upon you.

As he did so, your gaze floated across the room, eventually landing on the clock above the fireplace.

“Merlin, we’re late!” You said, sitting up and attempting to cover yourself with the shirt hanging from your shoulders.

“Noo” Sebastian whined, trying to pull you back down into his arms.

“Stop it,” you giggled. “We have to see Anne.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened as he remembered the reason you were there in the first place. Nothing in the world would allow him to let down his sister, not even another day with you.

~~~

You had planned to take the floo system to Feldcroft from just outside of Hogsmeade. Originally however, the plan was to fly, but the heavy snowfall was simply not permitting.

Sebastian dragged you out of the castle, hand in hand and giggling. He couldn’t get enough of you, and the memory of you at his mercy the night before was fogging his rationality entirely. The emptiness of the castle grounds had given you both a sudden confidence, a chance to just be without the prying eyes of students.

All that consumed your mind was him, him and only him. That was until you stepped foot onto the crystallised path of ice that lead the way over the place you’d tried your hardest to forget about. The lake.

Once again that prophecy rang in your ears, causing your eyes to shift out of focus and your arms to stiffen. It was as if you’d forgotten entirely what was really going on.

The muffled sound of Sebastian’s voice lingered past the ringing, not quite able to reach your train of thought.

“MC…MC?”

You snapped out of it, suddenly facing Sebastian head on with his hands gripped upon your shoulders.

“MC? Are you alright?” His eyes filled with worry.

“What? Yes- sorry, I just zoned out there,” you stuttered.

Sebastian’s arms quickly reached under you, scooping you up like a princess. You had no idea what compelled him to do such a thing, but it was just what you needed to bring you back to reality. The warmth of his cheeks was so enticing in the icy wind, luring you to place your frozen lips against them.

Suddenly he picked up the pace, and started running away from the castle with you still clinging onto him.

“Sebastian!” You cried, unable to contain your laughter. Although you weren’t quite sure why, as you were certain this would end in disaster.

And you’d be right, he barely made it 10 metres before sliding on the frozen path. Squeezing your eyes tightly shut you buried your head into his neck, preparing for impact.

Sliding down he somehow maintained balance before coming to a halt, standing deadly still on a slope as you hung on for dear life.

“See, I’ve got you,” he panted with a smug expression.

Oh how he’d eat his words.

With one little step he came tumbling down, gripping you tightly as he slipped backwards. With a roll, he landed directly on top of you, cheeks flushed and hair covered in snow.

You stared at each other for a moment, before erupting into laughter. Collapsing into each other with such warmth the ice around you could have simply melted away.

This, this was how it was supposed to be.

~~~

You finally arrived at Feldcroft, covered head to toe in snowflakes. Still feeling rather giddy from the events of the day, you turned to Sebastian with bashful smile, hoping to be met with his in return.

But you were not.

What was a confident charming man just moments ago, had been replaced by a haunting sombre figure.

“Sebastian..” you began, gently touching his arm compassionately.

“I’m alright, it’s just hard… being here.” He rubbed his face with his palm, avoiding any eye contact. “Do you mind if I, go in first?”

You nodded.

And so you watched Sebastian approach the Sallows front door, the first time you’d seen him here since… then. He hesitated his knock, but was met with the door opening and being greeted by the nurse he had mentioned.

“Sebastian,” you heard her say in the distance, behind the whistling of the wind. You watched as Sebastian slipped inside, leaving the door slightly ajar for you to follow.

You weren’t really sure how long you should wait, a minute or two? Maybe longer? Standing in the snow for a while, you took in the sights of the sugarcoated highlands, reminiscing on a time when things somehow seemed much simpler.

You couldn’t wait to see Anne again, you’d missed her dearly. And you certainly couldn’t wait to see the look on her face upon finding out that you and her brother were now an item. Despite your eagerness, you waited longer, not wanting to intrude on their private time despite how bitter the temperature was becoming.

As you zoned out into the views, a little voice called out to you.

“Come in, dear! You must be freezing out there!” It was the nurse, huddled behind the door.

You approached, thanking her as you reached the warmth at last. After closing the door behind you, you spotted the back of Sebastian’s head sitting at a bedside, the snowflakes still sitting in his messy locks.

“Anne!” You called out excitedly, gift in hand.

You were met with the turning of Sebastian’s head, his expression a look you’d never seen on his face before. An expression you hoped you’d never see.

And then you saw her, Anne. Or what remained of her.

The air swept out of your lungs as you approached the corpse like figure sunken in the bed before you.

She was unrecognisable, her skin a colour you couldn’t even describe, her hair the texture of wire. The Anne you knew was far gone, all that remained was the shell of a person who was too weak to even be. To even communicate. Just looking at her triggered the picture of inferi that you’d buried deep in your memory, something she now resembled more than a living human. It was utterly sickening to see somebody you once knew become… this. To know she was still suffering.

And then it hit you. You knew completely and truly why Sebastian did it all. In fact, for the first time you agreed with him.

This wasn’t about just saving him anymore, this was about Anne.

You had to do it for Anne.

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goodguidanceptc · 5 years

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Ironman New Zealand Race Report March 2, 2019

Welcome masochists and insomniacs. When people ask me about my races, I usually try to deliver a balance of facts (split times, data, total race time) and feelings (mind & body perceptions, key moments) in an entertaining yet succinct report. As usual, that often means STRONG LANGUAGE. Here goes:

Prologue:

A few weeks prior to the trip, I learned that I’d been selected for the “Ironman New Zealand Experience,” an online contest, administered with typical Kiwi approach by the local council. Read: relaxed, with ZERO Ironman lawyers involved. Six men and six women were selected--based on online posts--to learn a haka, perform at the athlete dinner and attend an after-race luncheon that included a presentation and performance of Maori history and traditions.

I suspect my "pick me! pick me!” post got me plucked from a small applicant pool. Supporting evidence: of the twelve selected, two others were my training buddies from Chicago, Christine B. and Bernie Mc. SIDE NOTE: Each winner was allowed one additional guest at the luncheon--so a very special thanks to Christine for graciously counting my wife as her guest which meant I had both my wife and son at the luncheon.

Haka is Maori for “breathe fire.” Historically, hakas were performed by Maori warriors prior to battle. These days they are performed ceremonially to celebrate major milestones (marriage, retirement), honor important guests or--perhaps most notably--to intimidate opponents at athletic events (here’s a link). Outside of New Zealand, the most famous and awe-inspiring hakas are performed my the Maori All-Blacks National Rugby team prior to each match.

I learned that there are hundreds of haka versions, each with its own inherent weight baked into the story it’s presenting. Although it was very different than the aggressive, male-only, pre-battle version the All-Blacks perform, I personally felt a tremendous honor and reverence for the one we learned.

The haka preserves indigenous culture, energetically injects traditional language into a modern forum, gathers and channels group energy by seamlessly melding ritual gesture and movement with raw emotion. It all adds up to a sum greater than it’s parts that’s simultaneously respectful and rebellious. Taken as a whole, the haka is something like how the Incredible Hulk would dance if the Incredible Hulk danced.

All of which is just to say that before I even started the race, I’d already experienced that tremendous joy that comes with receiving an unexpectedly perfect gift. IMNZ was already a success before the race even started. Now, let’s get back to facts...

Total race time = 11:33

Not a PR, but a mature result. “Mature?” you may be wondering, “Really?” Granted, few people would describe anything I do as mature, so perhaps a better word is un-deluded. Why? Because plantar fasciitis made for a “No-Run November” (all long runs performed in a pool), I hadn’t done enough resistance training, and winter holidays not only make it impossible to train, they make it nearly impossible to fuel properly.

In his book, Elite Minds, Dr. Stanley Beecham suggests giving yourself a W when you trained your best and an L if you didn’t. My record for this training sequence (Nov-Feb) was 89-20-11. ( I gave myself T for Ties on days when training went right but something else went bad...usually diet.) In other words, a respectable-but-not-stellar W average (.741) earned a respectable-but-not-stellar result.

But still, the haka was awesome.

Pre-Race

Slept well. Ate well. No mechanical issues. Huddled briefly with most of the training buddies and Iron sherpas prior to warming up properly in the water.

Swim (1:06 total swim time)

Clear sighting, aggressive line, good tactics (drafted when possible), and even got some help from the current towards the end. That said, the two turn buoys at the far end were both a raucous scrum. First time I ever took a hard shot to the lip. My best swim ever.

T1 (7:49)

"T1 is a 400 meter run from the swim out...” My ass. If that’s 400 meters, I’m Leslie Jones from SNL. Plus, AFTER the “400 meters,” a winding grass staircase comparable to any third-floor-walk-up or Wisconsin helix--easily another +50 meters at an +8% grade.

Once I did get up Mount Metric Bullshit, I moved right along. Sprayed on some sunscreen, stuffed a plastic bag under the regular bike jersey with some light gloves (in case it was nippy for the first hour), shoes on in the tent. Go.

Bike (5:38, technically a bike PR)

Two loops. Windy? A tad. The outbound tailwind was so strong, I struggled to maintain target watts. Get that? I didn’t have to pedal as hard as I’d trained to because I was easily traveling +20 mph on flat sections. Ditched the plastic bag and gloves at the first aid station because it was sunny and mild and I was feeling really great. Of course, logic dictates that inbound would be a shitstorm. Which it was. Oy. Mixed with some crosswinds too just in case you, oh I dunno...tried to pee on the bike and took too long...or wanted to take in some nutrition. Nasty. I caught myself using a bastardized mantra from IMAZ, “Frontside fast side, backside strong side” which morphed into “Out bound, throw down; In bound, get down.” whenever I was tempted to chase or draft.

A word on drafting: it’s illegal in Ironman races. BUT! By slipping into the draft zone of somebody passing faster than you are passing then letting them go, you can save energy and still stay within the letter and spirit of the rule. That said, 12 meters = 6ish bike lengths so don’t be the fucko that lingers.

Repeated that song and dance inbound on both loops. It’s a terrible thing when you can’t stay in aero-position because you gotta pee but can’t pee because the wind stuffs any momentum you need to keep your leg straight long enough to break the seal. But it WILL keep you legal.

For you data geeks: Normalized Power was 197 but I AVERAGED 20 m.p.h.

Another notable: the bone-shaking chip-seal they use to pave most New Zealand roads. It just rattled my whole rig from pedals to fingertips to helmet. That shit literally rattled my Torpedo bottle right out from between my aero-bars about halfway through. I’d already taken in the nutrition so I left it (apologies to all the Tidy Kiwis and the whole leave-it-like-you-found-it philosophy) and just held fresh bottles in with my thumbs as needed.

T2 (4:13)

Efficient but could have been a tad quicker. At this point in the race, I was on plan, feeling good and ready to attack the run. Nutrition was on point. Legs were solid, stomach was a non-issue and weather conditions were near ideal. Sunny and delightful low 70s. I was actually looking forward to Run Special Needs where I’d planted a fresh shirt and an extra bottle of nutrition.

Run (4:36 aka: avg 10:39/mi)

I went sub-4 hours in Louisville under raining mid-40 degree conditions. If I could have just matched that, I’d have delivered a juicy PR of under 11 hours.

It seemed reasonable that flat IM-LOU shitstorm would vaguely equate to hilly IM-NZ sunny delight, yes?

No.

That three loop run over what my training bro Andrew T. would call offensive hills was having none of that nonsense. Turns out, I was woefully undertrained. My legs were just not up to the second and third loop of hills, despite biking to plan, executing nutrition properly, and taking the first loop at a very easy RPE.

In past reports I’ve shared some of the actual mental chatter that runs through my head but in this case none of my mantras were very interesting or helpful. What I have learned to do when I’m truly falling apart is to reinvest in technique. Focus on the extremely immediate present, which I used to counter punch one particularly angry and persistent neg that I just couldn’t shake. See if you can pick it out of the following scientifically gathered brainwave transcription:

...chatter-chatter-chatter...BREATHE...left-right-left-right-Toe-off-knees-up-hands-up-lean-easy-at-the-ankles-glutes-tucked-somebody-fucking-LIED-to-me-goddamBREATHE!-Toe-off-knees-up-hands-up-lean-easy-at-the-ankles-glutes-tucked-somebody-fucking-LIED-to-me-goddamnit-Toe-off-left-right-left...chatter-chatter-chatter...BREATHE

On a slightly more-vulnerable note, I will share this: typically, a few tears leak out at special needs. Hormones? Pain? Mental breakdown/relief that the marathon is half over? All of the above, probably. Just a few moments of a grown man losing it. (Do NOT watch Ricky Gervais’ After Life while jet lagged. But DO watch it. Amazing. Shut up. Don’t judge my process.)

Anyway, I was all business during the Special Needs of this run but lost it right after a particularly steep descend where some guardian bros had set up an “unofficial aid station” consisting of Red Bull, handles of vodka, and liters of Jaegermeister. A runner just ahead of me had grabbed something off their card table and their robust cheering were suddenly horrific screams warning him off of chugging it. I was just tickled and toasted at the same time and it all came gushing out. Just all kinds of quads burning gasping ugly face craughing (learned that word from a tweet praising After Life, btw). Of course my male ego would NEVER allow me to overly express vulnerability in front of the drunken bros, thoughtful though they were. So I kept running. A woman running along side me kindly asked if I was okay, I said, “Oh...yeah...this...just happens,” between gulping breaths, “The good...news...is...it’s much...later...than usual.” Which cracked her up, so... y’know, pay it forward.

After slogging my way through the third loop, and making my way through the finishing chute, where the normally incomparable Mike Reilly butchered my last name, I was told that I’d been on the leaderboard during the bike and immediately fell off during the run.

So even though I did not over-bike, I did under-train. Plus, I did not need to go directly to Medical in shock, which suggests that my race plan, nutrition strategy and execution was pretty spot on. IMAZ was a PR of 11:19 and IMNZ was 11:33.

OVERALL RACE GRADE: C. Just a C.

OVERALL EXPERIENCE GRADE: A+

As with prior races, IMNZ yielded some incremental improvements. As I said at the top, this was a mature result, with which I am unsatisfied. I haven't yet done my best race. I haven’t yet DONE MY BEST. There is clearly opportunity for improvements to all five aspects of my racing:

Swim was well executed. Still room for growth.

Bike was properly executed. Adequate. If anything, I could have pushed more.

Run. Ugh. Time to throw myself into Runner’s World and CARA and make like Forrest Gump and Prefontaine and Mo. Also, back to Hokas. Or maybe Altras. The Brooks I ran in were farts. The blisters on my toes had blisters. Not kidding.

Fuel strategy and execution was on point, although I was a few kilos heavier than previous races. Holidays and too few resistance training sessions.

Transitions were adequate.

Am I one of the guys at the pointy end of the bell curve? Clearly still yes. Maybe I’ve just evolved beyond a standard group training plan. Self-Coach? I’ve got the credentials and experience. Back to a previous coach? Maybe a new coach? I’d take some applications. Yes.

In the meantime, I’ll see you in Chattanooga for some 70.3 action in May, 2019. That’s only two build cycles. Ima go noodle around in TrainingPeaks.

WAIT. HERE’S THE BERNIE STORY...

Bernie McNally is one of those people I am just glad to have in my life. This race report would be wholly inadequate if I didn't share how this amazing woman is absolutely unstoppable.

First, she got everybody who trained for New Zealand (at Well-Fit) a fleece.

I forgot to mention she broke her ribs in a bike accident a few months ago.

Then, in what can only be described as the luck of the Irish, she charmed her way into the “New Zealand Experience” haka class. Just showed up and got in. Turns out one of the women selected didn’t show up. Classic.

Here’s the unstoppable part: at around Mile 110 of the New Zealand Full fucking Ironman race, she hit a cone and went over her bike handle bars. Road rash up her arm, split her knee open and cracked her head/helmet on a curb. A bystander said, “Do you need some help? I’m calling an ambulance.”

Her reply?

“Just help me get my chain back on.”

So he did. And she finished the bike. The medics in T2 told her she needed stitches. She said she didn’t have time, to just patch her up so she could get on with it. She finished the race with half an hour to spare. Words fail.

All I know is this: whenever I’m feeling like I can’t get it done--and it can be anything from driving in traffic to folding laundry to a holding pace on a long run--I know exactly what I’ll hear.

A thick, sassy, Irish brogue doing the haka.

WITH GRATITUDE FOR…

I’m very grateful to my lovely wife Susan and my wonderful kids, Peter and Veronica for their support. Susan, you are my salvation.

I’m grateful to have the expert professionals Coach Russ and Coach Sharone and the entire Well-Fit staff and athletes who generously share their wisdom.

I’m grateful to my inspiring and impressive training partners. Especially the seven hardcore savages that got it done in New Zealand--Adam, Christine, Dan, Kelly, Megan, Mike, Will and Bernie.

I’m very grateful to anybody willing to excuse my terrible smell, deplorable language and barbaric sounds during training.

Maximum gratitude to Well-Fit, Get-A-Grip, Fleet Feet and all the pools I use.

I’m grateful for Crushing Iron (C26), Matt Fitzgerald, Joe Friel, Training Peaks, Scott brand bikes, Apple, Ironman.

Thank you to all the on-course maniacs cheering and making signs and wearing all sorts of crazy outfits to show love and support. For strangers exercising.

I’m grateful that I’m able to race triathlons. I’m grateful to you for reading.

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