#that's why i think after utrh jason should have thrown himself harder into his crime lord persona or left it altogether. no half measures

[scorchedhearth]

it's just. he's alive now but what for? now that he's back what does he keep himself alive for? one thing, one goal, but you don't see him stop and wonder if he's happy with being back in the first place, if he wants to, if he wants to keep going beyond his revenge and build something for himself. he just wants to confront bruce, to show him what he's done, what he has become and he'll be from now, a better batman, a better man than what he sees in bruce now. he's so caught up in this that he doesn't stop and wonder about life beyond this goal. everything he does in utrh, especially near the end, shows this single-minded focus on his plan, on bruce and their confrontation, and no indication of a goal further than that, of a life beyond it. the bomb in his helmet, the lack or attempt at building a life for himself, connections and a network to fall back on after, the extreme stunts and actions he goes to, play cat and mouse with dangerous individuals with a seeming lack of care, the fail-safe of the final confrontation being either bruce kills him or he kills them all and bring the building down. he never even envisioned that his life would go on beyond this culmination, and i'd kill to see what his struggles looked like right after this, when he found himself alive once more and with nothing else to live for, now that the bridge between him and bruce had been burned and left to ruins with no way back, no reconciliation possible. what did it look like when he had to sit down and wonder if he even wants to be here now, if he wants to live any more than he already did, if it would even be worth it, if he could make something out of it because his utilitarian mindset would never allow him to live just for the sake of living, his existence must be justified, especially now that he's here despite what his fate meant for him and his end

#that's why his behavior with dick and ollie and mia makes sense to me. he's erratic because he's lost #he's grasping at straws trying to find what to do with himself and spilling everywhere in the process because he didn't think to mend all #the other hole in his being so now he's left trying to find a justification to his existence beyond bruce. and finding a reason to live ain #aint an easy task #that's why i think after utrh jason should have thrown himself harder into his crime lord persona or left it altogether. no half measures #when trying to find another way of existing #i just. want to explore jason grappling with his unnatural existence now and either make peace with it and fight back against it #either he keeps himself dead or brings himself back. either he lives in his grave or accept it and move past #and i have to say. i dont think it would be the second option before a long long time #i think jason would shadow hismelf in his death for a while before admitting there's another way. if he doesn't get himself killed before #hope this make sense because this has been stewing in my mind for a while now #dc #jason todd