#that the girl i considered my bet friend for 20+ years is engaged i guess

[change-the-rules]

would be so easy to just keep walking into the ocean instead of just standing here

#i wont im not suicidal #just drunk and realizing my depression has inpacted my friendahips so badly #that the girl i considered my bet friend for 20+ years is engaged i guess #idk i know nothing qbout it #fuxk #its not like i dont know i have only myself to blame Fuck that *hurts* tho despite the facts

[moonlitceleste]

marinette dupain-cheng’s guide to picking up cute guys

A/N: Chez Vous is real in the DC universe; it’s described as a restaurant but I decided to use it as the name of the café because I didn’t want to come up with one myself. It translates to “at your house,” which basically implies “make yourself at home.”

thanks to @ramos123 for being my beta reader! <3

ao3

“Bet.”

Marinette slapped a crisp 20-dollar bill onto the wooden table with enough force to slosh around the brown liquid in the cup sitting before Alya’s smirking face.

Chez Vous was the name of the café they had been sitting in for the past fifteen minutes. The place had a nice ambience, the quiet chatter of customers and aromatic smells combining to make what was an unusually cozy atmosphere considering the location.

Gotham wasn’t exactly known for being hospitable, but she supposed the fact that it was clearly fashioned after Parisian cafés contributed to the homey feel. It vaguely reminded her of her parents’ bakery as well, so it certainly lived up to its name.

Perhaps it was this sense of familiarity that had her and Alya reminiscing on how far they’d come. It hadn’t been that long since lycée or université—the two were only 22 and 23, respectively—but recalling the good times they’d shared was always fun to do.

Of course, their friendship had momentary blips (ahem, Lila), but the two had managed to sort out their problems eventually. Now that Alya had become more attuned to Marinette’s boundaries and there were no pressing superhero secrets to keep, they knew how to both ground and challenge each other in positive ways. Which was exactly what had caused Marinette to get herself into this situation.

While chattering about their lycée days, Alya poked fun at her once again for what had transpired on the day of the Animan akuma. How could she ever forget that while secretly masquerading as a superhero and locking her best friends in an empty gorilla habitat together, she had somehow helped them end up in a relationship? And now the two were engaged.

This topic somehow lead to Adrien and the stupid puns he spewed both in superhero and civilian form. Alya was insistent that Marinette was charmed by them at some point, to which she replied, No way! They were horrible. Even I could do better.

It was with twinkling eyes that her best friend asked “Bet?” and well, Marinette was never one to back down from a challenge. So after pulling out some spare cash from her purse and setting it down in front of Alya, she raised a brow.

A wicked smirk grew on her best friend’s face, and any lesser person would have faltered, but Marinette was prepared for anything that could possibly be thrown at her.

“Fine. If you’re so confident, I dare you to use a pick-up line on… him.”

As if on cue, the bell at the top of the glass-paneled wooden door jingled, and Marinette followed Alya’s pointed finger right on time to see a very attractive man walk through.

He had a confident stride, but not an arrogant one—his aura was one of someone who was assured and knew exactly what they were capable of.

Despite his seemingly laid-back disposition, she didn’t fail to notice how his eyes darted around the room cautiously, the same habit she had gotten used to doing after she had been given the Ladybug Miraculous. Then again, this was Gotham, so being on constant guard was only natural.

One thumb was hooked in the pocket of his jeans while the other moved up to ruffle his hair, and wow did he have nice hair.

It was perfectly coiffed, and if she didn’t have experience with hairstyling due to her career she would’ve thought it was as effortless as it looked. Most models would kill for the natural luster his locks seemed to have, and even from a distance she could tell that anyone who decided to run their fingers through his hair would be met with softness.

And she didn’t even want to get started on his face. From his glowing skin to his strong jaw and pretty eyes, she refused to believe someone so attractive could be real. It was unfair, really.

“...inette? Marinette? You good there, girl?”

A snap in front of her face broke Marinette out of her stupor, and she offered an instinctual yelp in response.

“What?”

Alya’s eyes twinkled knowingly, and Marinette shifted anxiously in her seat.

“You sure you weren’t checking him out?”

“Alya!”

Said girl let out a mischievous cackle at her hissed response.

“Now get over there!” she said, waving her hands around in a shooing motion.

Marinette glanced over to the line, where the man was no doubt giving the barista his order.

From what she could tell he was just about done, and she watched as he shuffled through his wallet to hand the barista a bill. But rather than proceed normally as most client-worker interactions would, his payment was met with wide eyes and flailing hands.

Marinette was much too far to discern what was being said, but from context clues she could deduct that he had just handed the barista quite a sizable amount. She had already guessed he was well-off from simply observing the quality of his clothes, but this was near confirmation.

It wasn’t as if status or wealth mattered much to her, but she did have a tendency to be wary of higher-class people due to past experiences with them. Being around them really wasn’t as pleasant as it seemed.

Her musing was interrupted when the man suddenly moved, relocating to the waiting line. There was her chance.

Marinette pushed herself out of her seat, steeling herself and lifting her chin high. This was no biggie. All she had to do was somehow convince this gorgeous man to give her his number by making a crappy pick-up line and a pun on the spot. It wasn’t anything she hadn’t done before, but this felt different, probably because it was a total stranger she was about to attempt it on.

She felt Alya’s gaze trailing after her with each step, and Marinette reminded herself that she absolutely had to succeed or she would never hear the end of it.

The closer she got, however, the more her confidence died. Apparently she had made a major miscalculation while gauging her probability of success, because she hadn’t accounted for the brain spasm she was currently having. Why, oh why did he have to be so cute?

Marinette had the sinking feeling that she was about to majorly embarrass herself, but she was determined to win. Screw embarrassment—she was Marinette Dupain-Cheng. All the trouble she had gotten into with Alix and Kim as kids had prepared her for this very moment. Nothing mattered besides victory.

So she sauntered up confidently, stopping right in front of her target.

“Hey, you must be Batman’s sidekick.”

“What?”

The man’s head snapped towards her, and Marinette didn’t fail to notice the subtle defensive stance he took. Years of hero experience had made her more perceptive towards these things—it was part of the job, after all. She filed the information away in the back of her mind, making a mental note to dissect all that later. Her priority was winning the bet—and oh, right, she still had to finish that pick-up line.

“...because you’re Robin my heart.”

The quip was accompanied by an uncharacteristically roguish smile, à la Chat Noir. She’d give herself a solid 10/10 points on delivery.

Her target seemed to agree with the verdict, because after a split second of shocked silence, he burst into full-bodied laughter.

The instantaneous shift in demeanor nearly caught her off-guard, but she was too occupied by the bright smile on his face and his melodic chuckle to notice. It was light and carefree, and she couldn’t help but crack a small smile as a result.

The only problem was that the laughter didn’t end, though, and she felt her face heat up more as the seconds ticked by.

Oh, Kwami.

Marinette buried her face into her hands with a soft groan, wishing the ground could just open up and swallow her whole.

She knew it wasn’t the greatest pick-up line ever, but she didn’t think her attempt warranted that much amusement.

The laugher ceased abruptly, and she peeked through her fingers in time to see the man quickly sober up.

“Sorry, I wasn’t laughing at you!”

A pause.

“Okay, not exactly. I just—wow, that was a great pick-up line.”

She slowly lowered her hands, though she kept her head down to peer at him through her lashes.

“Did it work?”

He chuckled and offered her a bright smile that made her blush like a high schooler with a massive crush.

“Yeah, you can tell your friend over there that you won your bet.”

If it was even possible, she turned redder.

“What? How…”

At the mention of Alya, Marinette sent a quick glance to their café table only to find that she was doing absolutely nothing to hide her rapt attention. She quickly caught on to the fact that they were looking her way and sent a very obvious thumbs-up and wink.

Oh, I am so going to kill her later!

But Marinette’s momentary vexation made way for embarrassment as the gravity of the situation hit her.

“I guess I wasn’t exactly subtle, huh?”

“Yeah,” the handsome stranger shrugged. “You probably could have been more discreet. But I liked it.”

“Okay, that’s the second time you’ve said that, but I have a hard time believing you. You can’t possibly tell me that you actually enjoy puns.”

“So I’m guessing I shouldn’t tell you that meeting you was a fortuitous aster?”

“Aster? As in the opposite of disaster?” she wrinkled her nose.

“You got it!”

Marinette rolled her eyes in exasperation, though the upwards tug at the corner of her lips betrayed her true feelings.

“Careful there, or you’ll be the one Robin my heart.”

She’d never admit to it, but she flushed a tiny bit before straightening up in realization. Hey, she was supposed to be the one doing the wooing here!

But before she could open her mouth to respond, her companion beat her to it.

“Since you’re stealing something so dear to me, I think it’s only fair that I get my thief’s name in exchange.”

He was clever, she had to admit.

“Marinette,” she proffered.

“Dick.”

She blinked in surprise at the seemingly random obscenity before it clicked.

“Oh, that’s your name!”

The words tumbled forward, and once she realized what she had said, Marinette tried to frantically backpedal. Her spilled apologies didn’t seem to be necessary, though, because that mesmerizing laugh came back.

“No, it’s fine, I get that a lot,” he breathed between chuckles.

She brightened immediately, glad she hadn’t offended him or embarrassed herself too much.

“Well, since I’m already taking something from you, may I steal your number as well?”

“Only if I can do the same.”

Her inquiry was met with a grin, and the two exchanged phones to type in their respective numbers. Marinette’s found its way back into her hand shortly after, and moments after she pocketed it the call of “medium espresso and beignets!” broke the quiet ambience.

“Well, that’s my order,” Dick said, words weighted by a silent apology. “I’d love to stay and chat, but I have a few things I need to take care of. Maybe we can meet up later this week?”

The end of his sentence lilted up in hope, and Marinette found her chest warming with affection.

“I’d like that.”

She bid him goodbye with a smile and a wave and quickly tacked on an “I’ll text you later!” in afterthought.

She’d forever deny squealing giddily as she unceremoniously dragged Alya out from her seat and through the café doors, but the sound didn’t escape Dick’s attention—or his enhanced hearing, courtesy of Bat-Tech.

As he watched her leave with Alya, a smile slowly spread across his face at the thought of seeing her again.

Yeah, he sighed to himself. She’s definitely Robin my heart.

-

PERMANENT TAGLIST *@astoriaandromeda @avengerthewarrior *@bluesimani @enternalempires @flower-girll @freesportspalacesalad @glastwime859 @h1sss @heart-charming @iloontjeboontje @jayjayspixiepop @jalaluvsu @kitsunebell @maskedpainter @moongoddesskiana @nathleigh @no-username2544 @too0bsessedformyowngood @ultimatetornshipper

#maribat #dickinette #cel's fics #celestewrites #ml x dc #mlb x dc #dick x marinette

[direwrath]

50 Questions: OC Interview

tagged by @alejandrocortez 😊

1. What's your name? "My real name?" *Smirks* "Ruvik, the name is Ruvik."

2. Give me your full name... "You always ask strangers such personal questions? My full name is Ruvik Damion Veill, don't dare use it against me."

3. Do you have a nickname? If yes, what is it and how did you come to have it? "No I don't really have one." Girl screaming from the background "yes he does, Gavin calls him Blondie. Cause of his hair!" "Iara, this is my interview!" *rolls eyes and turns back around* "yeah, so there is that one."

4. What species are you? (Human, werewolf, etc? Or are you an alien?) "Wait what?" *leans back in the chair* "I'm pretty sure that I'm a human, dare I ask? But what exactly is an alien?"

5. Where were you born? "In a cave." *snickers* "I was born on a ranch my family owned near a small town called Bellevue  in what at the time, was the Nebraska territory. My parent's moved the family and the animals down to Rhodes to be closer to my grandparents. That was where I grew up."

6. I see. And that would make your age...? "31"

7. Okay, now...are you a good guy, or a bad guy? *pauses with a light grin* "I don't think I'm the best one to judge my own character. Let's just say that I've done things that can be considered... unkind."

Part II: Tell Us More About Yourself...

8. How would you describe your personality? "Well Iara calls me grumpy all of the time, Gavin says I tend to spoil the fun and likens me to a sour boar. I tend to be realistic, and anytime I try to make a joke the women tend to slap me and the men ball their fists with insult. I mean if they can't get my humor it isn't my fault? Right? So I don't know how to really explain my personality much"

9. Would you say you're someone who can handle pressure? "I take things in stride, nothing much else I can do."

10. Do you like to read? *sighs and looks down* "I used to.. when I was younger I would read to my little sisters before bed." *lightly smiles* "I really haven't thought to pick up a book in years though." 11. Favorite color? "Blue"

12. Do you get along with others? "I try to be cordial when I need to be. But I really am not a people person."

13. Do you have any enemies? *snickers* "The better question should be, who isn't my enemy?"

14. How about friends? "I have a few individuals that I can trust, so yeah, I guess that might make them friends."

15. Are you patient? "According to my cousin Iara, heck no."

Part III: Hypothetically...

16. Suppose that you could become any creature you know of. What would you pick, and why? "Such an odd question?" *thinks for a second* "I think I would pick an eagle. Think about it what an eagle sees every day of their life? They get to see the world from above the chaos, and if they choose they can just fly away from everything. That's true freedom."

17. One of your enemies in question 13 just complimented you. Response? "Why?" *confused glance* "That seems an odd thing for any of them to do."

18. One of your friends in Question 14 just insulted you. Response? "I'll bet it was Gavin, that guy can be such a jerk."

19. If you could change anything about yourself... "Is that even possible? Well, I think I would like to stop being so straightforward. Sometimes I say things that I regret later."

20. About your home... "I no longer have a home, that was taken from me long ago."

Part IV: Now We Get Personal

21. What're your parents like? *takes deep breath* "They were amazing people. My mother was a hard woman when she had to be, but her heart was pure gold. She was born in a small village near the Carpathian mountains and came to this country when she was younger? I have no clue where exactly she was born but she would tell me it was very far away. She had this distinct accent, and people would treat her differently because of it, though she never let on that this bothered her. Me and my father knew better though. My father, now he was not as strict as my mother, and he did all he could to spend time with me. To teach me things that he said I needed to know and all that. He taught me how to shoot, to hunt." *pauses and laughs* "But the man could not catch a fish for the life of him. *takes another deep breath* If anything my parent's were good people, they had money and helped anyone that needed it. It's what brought the bad men to our door..."

22. Do you have any siblings? "Had." *hands clench into fists* "Viola and Lea were my younger sisters. Viola was 11 when she was taken and Lea had just turned 4, her birthday was a few days before the day she died. I don't really like to talk about them."

23. What's your occupation? "I tend to have many different trades. Mostly I take in wanted men and women for the money, not that I like working with the law after everything is said and done. But the job keeps me on my toes and it brings me good money."

24. I see, that's a good job to have. Do you like it? "Eh, it's okay. Has it's good and bad moments. Mostly just hate hearing the fools try to talk their way out of the situation."

25. Are you seeing/dating anyone? "I was a part of something, and to be honest I think she was more involved with what was going on than I was. In my defense, I had to keep her happy or her father was going to put a rope around my neck.” *circles finger around throat* “When she started playing that she owned me was when I had, had enough and I broke it off.  It was a rough break up and her father put a price on my head for it, but it wasn't going to last forever. Yeah, you know that question you asked me about enemies before this? Well, there you go." *coy grin*

26. Married/Engaged/Other? "Nope, I'm absolutely single at the moment. Iara keeps telling me to go find someone because I need a good woman to tone my attitude down a bit. I keep telling her that it's never going to happen."

27 If yes, how did you meet?

28. Tell us your biggest secret. "My baba, or my mother's mother was considered a znakharka, which is basically a healer in their old country. Although most around Rhodes called her a witch, which is why she left." *leans forward* "she taught me a few things before she went though."

29. Your worst fear? You don't have to answer this one if you don't want to. "To lose anymore of the people I care about. Which is probably why I try not to get too attached to very many people."

30. Favorite food? "Venison Stew, don't know why?"

30. Favorite drink? "Whiskey." *shrugs*

31. Tell us one thing you're the most proud of. "My little cousin Iara and how strong she has gotten. Honestly I don't know how she manages to pull through like she does. But if you're asking on my behalf, I ain't got much to be proud of myself."

32. Something embarrassing? You don't have to answer this one, either. "Pfft, I don't, there isn't... Let's move on." *shifts uncomfortably* Feminine voice from the background "Tell them about that time with the goat!" *Turns back to look at interviewer, eyes wide* "Nobody wants to hear about that Iara!"

33. If you didn't answer Questions 29 and/or 33, tell me why. "I don't think we should be ashamed of our fear, really."

34. Is that a good reason? "I think so."

Part VI: Closing

35. Are you satisfied with your life? "If you're asking me if I am I where I want to be, than no. Sometimes I just want to not have to worry about the world coming to strike me down, maybe if I were a better man that time would come."

36. Anything you feel like you have to do? It can be something long-term, like a bucket list, or something you need to do right now. "Find a place to call home for me, Gav, and Iara." 37. Any hobbies? "Not many, but I do like to play guitar. My grandfather was very good and he taught me."

38. Quick, you get one wish! What did you just wish for? It's alright, you can tell me... "I'd wish that night never happened."

39. How would you describe that wish? Good? Bad? Selfish? Selfless? Other? "Selfish, heck I dunno. Is it selfish to need to see the people you lost to feel whole again?"

40. Have you been honest with these questions? "Yeah, I guess. What, you calling me a liar?"

41. Your personal quote? "The devil will always need someone to blame."

42. Do you like change? "I can't get comfortable for the life of me, it doesn't matter whether I like it or not."

43. What's your most valued possession? *holds out a picture of a family* "This."

44. Anything else you feel like sharing? "Not really into sharing anything more. Something tells me I've already said too much."

50. Last question! How do you feel? "I feel like getting a bottle of whiskey and sitting under the stars, that's what I feel like."

I’m gonna tag @mileycyprus-hill 🤗

#rdro oc #rdr oc #myoc #my oc character #rdr2 oc #red dead online #red dead online oc

[djcygnet]

NEW YEAR, NEW FIANCE → AJ

TAGGING → DJ Cygnet & Aimee Blake (@aimeeblake)

TIMELINE → January 1, 2020

SETTING → Swan Castle or whatever it’s called

SUMMARY → Aimee finds DJ after his betrothal to Karmen is announced. Nothing happens because we never finished it, the chatroom just expired and it’s been sitting in my drafts for 20 years! 

DJ didn’t know why he was surprised by how the night had turned out. Grammy Uberta had been trying to find him a wife basically since the moment he was born, and it had been a while since his betrothal with Elle had been broken. This had been inevitable, and yet... He hadn’t seen it coming, somehow. And as nice of a girl as Karmen Inka was, DJ still hated the entire situation. As soon as he’d been able to slip away from the watching crowd, he’d headed out to the bridge, where he dangled his legs off over the waterfall and buried his head in his hands. Fuck duty, he thought bitterly, even as he fully knew that he’d fulfill his duty when all was said and done. Just for tonight, though, he wanted to mourn the life he could have had if he hadn’t been born into royalty, with expectations and pressures that most average people couldn’t begin to understand. Still, it seemed that he wasn’t even allowed a few minutes of quiet to reflect on what might have been as the crunch of footsteps approached.

Aimee was feeling pretty pleased with herself as she approached DJ on the bridge. She'd managed to grab a whole tray of "celebratory" champagne from the kitchen, since she figured after the bomb Uberta dropped they'd both really need it. "Sup, Mr Inka?" She teased joylessly, putting the tray down before plopping down next to her bestie. "Wanna toast to apparently never running out of hand sanitizer ever again?"

DJ felt his spirits soar momentarily when he realized it was Aimee who had found him. He’d rather be alone, but if he was going to be with anyone, at least it was his favorite person in the world. Even if she was the biggest reason why being forced into an arranged marriage was so disappointing. “Hi,” he grumbled, figuring if there was anyone he didn’t need to force a smile for it was Aimee. “I’d rather toast to the fact that I’ll have a water slide installed here in no time, if my future father in law is in charge,” DJ said humorlessly. He glanced at Aimee wistfully, resisting the urge to lean into her. “Wanna be my best man if it happens? You’d still be hot in a tux,” DJ said, taking the first flute of champagne from her and downing it in one go.

Aimee wrinkled her nose at the idea of a water slide being stuck anywhere near there castle. "You'd drown us both immediately. " Aimee sighed, nudging DJ with her elbow before she picked up a flute of her own and shot it back. "Was I not already going to be your best man? I've been planning my best man tux for years now." Thinking of how half many times her little playful wedding planning sessions turned into visualizing herself as DJ's bride rather than his best man, Aimee quickly picked up and downed another flute of champagne.

DJ scoffed, trying to make light of the situation. "How deep do you think waterslide pools go? Clearly Kuzco knows how to design them better than you do." Joking about it didn't quite feel right, though; it wouldn't make it go away. "Besides, I'd never let you drown," DJ added with an offhanded shrug. At least that was sincere, at a time when he felt like he was surrounded by nothing but falseness and bullshit. It wasn't Karmen's fault; she was fine, all things considered. She just wasn't his best friend, and though he'd always known that he could never really be with Aimee the way he wanted, it still sucked when reality set in like this. DJ took another flute of champagne, this time taking just a sip before staring idly into it as if it held some sort of answer. "I don't even like hand sanitizer. It smells like I should be able to lick it, but if you ever do by accident, it tastes like ass. What am I gonna do with a wife that has a lifetime supply of it?"

Aimee shrugged simply. "I don't know, I just know you'd probably figure out some way to fuck it up anyway." Sliding just a touch closer, Aimee leaned her head onto DJ's shoulder and let out a sigh. "I know you wouldn't. You're too good to me for that." If DJ had been engaged to any other girl, Aimee was sure she wouldn't be filled with as much weird melancholia. Any other princess could've very easily been Elle Charming'd eventually. But Karmen was so extra and...uptight, Aimee seriously doubted that Uberta would catch them in bed together or doing something else unsatisfactory until at least AFTER the wedding. "You're going to have to not lick her, I guess." Aimee said sincerely for a moment before looking up at DJ and cracking a smile at her own joke. "Do you think you'll like her though? She seems...nice."

DJ actually managed a real grin at Amy's words. She knew his super-human ability to injure himself better than anyone; she knew everything about him better than anyone. "You know how the water's supposed to stop me at the end? I bet I wouldn't stop, I'd just keep going until I either launched myself out onto the concrete and broke my face, or slammed onto the end and broke my legs. Or I'd just get such a bad water wedgie that I'd break my butthole or something," DJ shrugged, wondering how Karmen would deal with that. She was so... clean. Maybe he should just hurry up and show her that he was a walking, talking human hazard now before she got any further trapped in this situation. Unthinkingly, he wrapped his free arm around Aimee, still watching the bubbles in his glass fizz and disappear instead of looking at her. Her words hit too close to home; he was good to her, and all he wanted the chance was to be even better. Be more, be everything. Now, though, it just felt farther away than ever. "I can probably manage that. She seems like she'd hate that, anyway," DJ sighed, trying not to be so miserable about something he couldn't control. "And she is nice! She's even kind of funny. She's just not..." DJ stopped himself just short of saying you. It wasn't fair, to judge his poor betrothed just based on the fact that she wasn't the girl he never should have let himself love so much anyway. DJ swallowed thickly, then brought the champagne to his lips again, figuring maybe if he drained another glass Aimee would ignore his near-slip.

#para #para:aimee #asuaimee #para:newyearnewfiance #aimeeblake #//i just didn't want this in my drafts anymore lol

[queen-of-hearts92]

Any more thoughts about "Beautiful Thorns"? I personally liked that Shiori wasn't demonized this time.

I’m gonna do a full thing with more thoughts later but I’ll put down what I got on my mind for now. ouo

I, personally, did like Beautiful Thorns but I do get why there are people who don’t like it. The story of Juri, Shiori, and Ruka has been simplified greatly, so if you like it or not depends on if you are ok with/like how the story turned out after simplification. 

However I don’t think the story being simplified means theres nothing to look at here, and that we should blow it off as “Saito not understanding Utena again oh hoho”. We shouldn’t do that. Let’s not do that.

So imma talk about Beautiful Thorns aka “Juri you useless lesbian, pls stop hallucinating dead people” and see the different take at the relations between these three characters as well as looking at what we got from this story as a whole. /owo/

(Quick note: I discussed this manga with my friend Fuji so I’ll be mentioning her when repeating what we discussed. \owo/)

Let’s start with Juri and Shiori and how it goes in this version. 

Juri falls for Shiori while they’re in middle/high school instead of them being childhood friends. Shiori, in this universe, is the well off pretty girl. Juri is the one who refers to herself as “unlovable” and “ugly” this time. Juri wants this cute girl to notice her but isn’t sure how to go about it until she overhears Shiori saying she thinks fencers are cool like princes. Juri, being the baby gay that she is, goes “GUESS WHO’S GONNA LEARN FENCING, IT IS I” and she learns the fuck outta fencing cause Juri is go big or go home and if fencing is the best way to impress Shiori then you bet your ass she’ll do it! She learns the fuck out of fencing so much she becomes the school’s fencing champion and Shiori does indeed notice her. However, shock and sadness, she’s engaged to another. 

That would be Ruka, who I think is also part of the fencing team. So here while Ruka is her senpai, he is also “that motherfucker engaged to Shiori” this time around. Kinda different there lol. Her feelings towards Ruka are jealously and also feeling like he is a standard she can never live up to. I’m gonna touch on this more later down the line cause this falls with the prince thing. So, lets keep going. ouo 

Juri is like “aw fuck me” and we get to see the inside of the iconic locket we all know and love and she becomes a sad gay (now in this universe Shiori facing away from the camera in the picture doesn’t. make. much. sense. but idk guess Saito just wanted it to look like the one in the anime). One day, she drops the dang thing and Ruka finds it and is like “lol if u want it back come and catch me” Juri tries to catch up to him but she forgets that Ruka has long ass legs so he gets away. 

Now Ruka during all this has fallen in love with Juri, however he realizes that Juri loves Shiori. Unlike anime! Ruka, this Ruka takes this rather well. But he is concerned by Juri’s drive to be a prince cause we all know that being a prince in RGU is a terrible idea overall. I’m gonna talk about Shiori in a moment but first imma quickly cover the part that’s taken from the movie aka the big old life changing moment for all the people involved here. 

So Juri is all bummed out cause Ruka took her locket and she’s being sad by a river on a stormy day (cause that’s the BEST time to hang out by the river, when theres a fuckin storm). Then she sees Shiori, who uh, either get pulled into the water by a wave or she fell in I honestly can’t tell but either way Shiori falls into the damn river. Juri is like “iTS PRINCE TIME” and dives in and saves Shiori’s life. But Juri can’t pull herself out due to the current and gets pulled under herself. Ruka comes the fuck in and is like “NOPE LETS NOT” pulling her out to safety and he is pulled under and dies instead. 

Now, as mentioned in a convo I had with Fuji, Juri has been outprinced by Ruka. She wanted to be one to impress Shiori with her princelyness but now Ruka has permanently upstaged her in her mind by giving up his life to save another. And this, was on purpose by Ruka. Which I’ll talk about more later. After this happens it seems like Juri follows a path like movie! Juri did. She feels like she still has to compete for Shiori’s heart, and has to keep playing the prince no matter what. 

This idea of always being a prince has slowly been messing her up over the years to a point she’s literally seeing things (magic castle bullshit aside), ignoring Shiori, behaving aggressively overprotective towards Shiori (more on that later), and struggling to win fencing matches. This mindset of “being a prince” doesn’t work so great for an adult who hasn’t coped with their guilt/trauma yet. Juri, much like anime Utena, has thrown a lot of her self identity into being a prince and now its harming her quite intensely. I’ll get to the resolution of this a little later but that’s the position we see 36 year old Juri in when the story starts.

Note: I say 36 by adding 20 years to her age she was in the original series in which was 16. Yup.

Now Imma talk about Shiori here.

This Shiori is quite different from previous ones, especially for both of her relationships here. There are more parallels to her movie counterpart to be made due to the nature of the story which is very interesting. 

So, for the relationship she has with Juri. It doesn’t seems like Shiori blames Juri for what happened at the river, unlike in the movie where she did and mcfreakin lost it. Even if it wasn’t the smartest thing for Juri to do, Juri did still save her life at the end of the day. That didn’t occur in the movie but I can’t comment too much about the movie’s situation cause theres a lot of ??? in that particular aspect but thats a totally different discussion so moving on. I think there is a part of Shiori that feels guilty about what happened, like Juri nearly died saving her which lead to Ruka’s death. She implies she use to dream about Ruka and ghost! Ruka visiting her tells me that she’s probably also had trouble coping with the tragedy though she’s handling it a lot better then Juri has been.

However what Shiori decides to do is she chose to support Juri, becoming her fencing manager/agent from what seems like high school and well into their adulthood (which I do indeed love oh man). Juri even says that Shiori has been supporting her for quite sometime and is grateful for her support! It seems like Shiori refers to Juri as “my prince” at times cause she figured out doing so made Juri happy, which makes me think she did in fact figure out Juri’s big gay crush on her and might feel the same way but she hasn’t felt like she can tell Juri that yet due to Juri’s um. Problems. And probably her own lingering guilt for Ruka who was engaged to her in the past.

Side note: I think Shiori refers to Juri with the -san suffix here because of her position as her manager/agent. That’s just my guess anyway!

As for Juri’s problems, their relationship has started to hit a big roadblock at the time of the narrative because of said problems reaching their boiling point. It sounds like Juri has become more erratic recently but she’s had certain concerning behaviors before she started really acting oddly. 

Judging from what we’ve seen, when guys (or maybe even anyone) that remind her of Ruka get too close to Shiori, Juri suddenly grabs her, pulls her away, and is very overprotective of Shiori around these said guys. We know this isn’t a new thing for Juri to do because right after that happens Shiori says “When you act like that, I just get so…Forget it.” and Shiori even considers becoming a manager/agent for someone else because she’s getting real tired of shit like that. We can even see a bit of Juri’s possessiveness during her duel with ghost! Ruka when she says “I won’t let you have Shiori!”. I imagine maybe Shiori thought Juri’s overprotectiveness and possessiveness was kinda cute when they were 16 and therefore didn’t discourage said behavior but now they are 36, it has longgg ceased to be cute to her anymore so she’s running out of patience for it. However by the end Juri has decided to let go of “becoming a prince” and Shiori was visited by ghost Ruka as well. Now Juri and Shiori can truly move on in life, they can move from harmful roles like princes and princesses that had carried over from their adolescence and instead have relationships as healthy adult. 

Shiori, I think has already moved passed what happened back then and was moving towards the future before ghost! Ruka said hello to her in her dreams. She was just waiting for Juri to catch up. \o3o/

As for Shiori’s relationship to Ruka theres a MASSIVE difference here. It seems like, even though they were engaged to be married, Shiori and Ruka didn’t hold romantic feelings for each other. It was just like “welp we’re in an arranged marriage, alrighty. Might as well get along”. I say that due to Ruka’s crush on Juri and it simply didn’t seem like that’s the case by the brief interaction we saw between the two of them. 

Judging by her response to his death they were still friends, probably close friends. So that makes Ruka and Shiori the childhood friends here, WILD MAN. Anyways, losing Ruka was probably hard on her. We only see her grieving briefly but I think it’s enough to understand there wasn’t animosity between them at the very least and they were indeed most likely close friends. This tells me that Shiori had probably a close childhood, and seemly supportive, friend that she didn’t grow up to hate which makes a world of difference and why she’s less of a trainwreck in BT. It’s kinda a shame we didn’t see more of their interactions, I’d love to see how this version of Ruka and Shiori talked to each other and such.

There is a lot I like/find interesting about this version of Shiori. However I will say I feel there should have been a little more focus on what Shiori was thinking about all this. I feel like theres some gaps here. Like did she actually figure out that Juri is SUPER gay for her? Like I think so cause of what I said earlier and that Juri can’t hide it very well but we haven’t been given any confirmation for sure as far as I can tell. Plus what did she think of Juri before the accident anyways? Or before that? Like, I feel theres some missing pieces here hm. I’d love to see the pieces filled in but we probably won’t get that so I suppose we’re going without sadly. 8/

Let’s get to Ruka and Shiori now, on the Ruka side of things that is. This Ruka is quite different from the Ruka in the anime. Looks like a major difference between anime Ruka and this one is that anime Ruka HATED Shiori and blamed her for all of the problems she and Juri had and was also very jealous of the fact Juri liked her but not him. BT Ruka on the other hand was childhood friends with Shiori and had been engaged to her when they were children. They were close enough to a point when after he died Shiori is shouting to his body “How could you get yourself killed saving Juri?!” which implies that Ruka doing “princely things” isn’t out of character for him to do and he normally didn’t die doing them and Shiori knew that quite well hence his death was all the more shocking. So he didn’t villianize Shiori for breaking Juri’s heart or anything like that. Instead he wanted both the girl he was in love with AND his childhood friend to be happy. Which is super duper different than anime Ruka cause lets face it, in order to make Ruka be likeable enough to be considered a prince figure this kind of change had to be made. Oh yeah and bonus points for BT Ruka for not committing sexual assault, thank god I probably would have died inside if that occurred and was treated as heroic omg…. 

Ruka, was indeed a prince this time around. Fuji and I had discussed that being a prince means sacrificing EVERYTHING, including your life. That’s why he didn’t want Juri to go down that road, if she did she’d end up dead. Hence he calls her a goddess instead, unlike princes a goddess is immortal. It’s hard to say what was going on in Ruka’s mind when he saved Juri and if he had maybe drowned willingly? But why? Like Ruka, buddy. I have a lot of questions still. And there isn’t much answers, cause everyone who writes Ruka love to keep him super mysterious it seems like.

At the end of all this, thanks to ghost! Ruka and Revolution Force Ghost Utena, Juri decides to stop trying to live up to this unobtainable prince role and let it go. Clinging onto this role was damaging to her and the people around her. Instead she’ll do things if she wants to and because she loves to, not because it’s a princely thing to do so. Hence “fight Jyuri” (which I can’t decide if Ruka can’t fuckin spell her name or he is making a TERRIBLE pun) being engraved on the locket. Fuji and I talked about how, this story, as well as the one right b4 it, is alll about finding value in yourself and not in toxic impossible roles either in life or relationships.

Ok! Now I’m gonna talk a bit on the fandom’s reaction. Note to all reading this, I’m not here to say you gotta like this chapter or else. I just want to address a little bit of what I’ve seen online since the translation came out. I understand if you dislike how the story was told/simplified, like each to their own. I’m not here to bag on you, like or dislike whatever you want. If you like it, ok! If you don’t, also ok! Cool? Cool.

Anyways, I’ve seen a couple people saying things like, “what. Juri wouldn’t *insert impulsive/intense action here*” or dislike that its not as complex as the anime/saying Saito doesn’t understand Utena. 

Well first off this isn’t the same Juri as anime Juri, so probably should think of this as a different version of her or it’s gonna be a bad time. And Juri making impulsive choices due to an outburst of her emotions is quite in character, in fact we see that in episode 7 when she nearly tackles Utena into a fountain trying to yank Utena’s ring off, or that episode when she slaps Anthy in the face for seemingly no reason (I know there is one but she still shouldn’t slap her) like listen. Juri pretends/tries to be calm and collected, she isn’t totally what she appears to be. Like, that’s a pretty frequent theme in Utena y’all. But yeah I find that an odd thing to say something like that for a story thats just a different take of these characters, you don’t gotta like it but don’t say its out of character in the context of the anime because we aren’t in the anime’s context. Like this isn’t the anime and never will be. Speaking of which.

I think the fandom can be a bit, overly critical towards Chiho Saito. Is the original manga good? Eh, I think it’s only ok personally (it really has problems tho man). Is it better then the show? No, the anime is still the best version of Utena out there.

Look. Expecting this manga to have similar complexity that the anime had isn’t a good idea because the anime was written by a group of ppl instead of just one person like this manga was! You’re just not gonna get the same result. A group creation will always been different than a single person creation. Always, always, always.

Listen, this series is over 20 years old and has had a ton of media over the years. You don’t have to like this manga if you don’t want to, or any of the other Utena media if thats how you feel. But, I think people are wrong saying Saito doesn’t understand Utena. She does, maybe differently than you do but what’s done in this manga ties in well as a continuation of Utena’s themes. This manga (both the chapters) is about adulthood and moving on from what occurs during childhood and adolescence. It’s a pretty logical move forward for the series to take, you can’t go back to adolescence. You can only move forward and try find yourself as an adult. And that, strikes me as quite RGU feeling indeed. Even though no one has turned into a car yet, but hey. Maybe next time! \*w*/

Super side note: Why the fuck does Miki look like a 13 year old’s head on a grown man’s body? It’s weird! It’s fucking weird! Like gdi Saito you couldn’t like give Miki a new hairstyle or a mustache or something? Is this a plot point? Did Miki find the eternal youth fountain? I’m concerned. Pls let Miki’s face age he is in his 30s omg.

#utena spoilers #revolutionary girl utena #shojo kakumei utena #juri arisugawa #shiori takatsuki #ruka tsuchiya #utena after the revolution #oh man this went on longer than I intended whoops #also i have zero tolerence for shiori hate of any kind i cant believe i have to say that but #in my experience i should say that i prefer to b catious #also sorry yonosoyfriki I turned this into an essay LOL that kinda happens w me and utena

[tobiasenfagan95]

The Truth About Gossip

Girl...guess what?!?!

All at once, I bet your ears livened up, you can hardly wait to hear what I'm going to say. I've heard those words multiple times (and presumably said them similarly as many). Those excited words, trickling with the deliciousness of some sweet piece of data that you simply need to hear, words that regularly creep up all of a sudden and bring a dull, dry discussion to life. They stop people in their tracks toward them, pausing, expecting, essentially biting the dust to know exactly what it is.

And afterward it comes, the most current information on who got captured, who got terminated, who saw who's mate with someone else. You take everything in, give your feedback, judge the gatherings in question, and feel like you are an extraordinary individual from a select club, totally absent and without care regarding the legitimacy and honesty of the "news" you've quite recently heard, all you know whether that you just got the scoop and your "insider savvy." When the discussion is finished, you hang up the telephone, just to dial the quantity of another companion. When she gets, "Girrrrrrl...guess what?!?" And it starts from the very beginning once more.

Its gossip. Probably, you've occupied with it, in some cases contrary to what you might think is best and now and then boldly. It's wherever around us, at the water cooler in the lunchroom at work, at your lunch meeting with your best lady friends and even at the checkout in your supermarket you can't resist the urge to see all the big name magazines revealing to you who is getting separated, having plastic medical procedure or making a genuine design infringement.

Gossip has become such a piece of our every day lives and our way of life that large numbers of us will be unable to see the offensiveness that it really is. Why? Since a ton of times, when we will lounge around and talk about others' lifted lives, it causes us to have a positive outlook on ourselves and quickly disregard the heap of messy clothing sitting in our storerooms. We brag a bit, shake our head "young lady I can't accept that wreck" (despite the fact that where it counts you truly can, in light of the fact that only a half year prior, you were knee somewhere down in bounty wreck of your own). Ordinarily we don't figure we've done anything incorrectly, all things considered, we just completed "holding" with our companions right? Wrong. Click here : gossip lanka hot news

The Expression of God says something totally different about gossip. Maxims 20:19 reveals to us that "A gossip deceives a certainty; so keep away from a man who blabbers." Have you at any point heard somebody say "Assuming ________ will disclose to you another person's business, they'll tell yours as well?" it's true...there is no trust or trust in a gossip. Individuals who live to run their mouths about things that don't concern them can't be your genuine companion since you can never understand what they will say despite your good faith. What's more, if an individual's essential subject of discussion is others, it very well may be a sign that they are attempting to shroud things about themselves or aren't totally agreeable in the skin they're in. Individuals who are genuinely about respectable aims and the matter of our Glorious Dad are too bustling cherishing others and doing it up for The Realm to be engaged with such chaotic propensities.

So how would it be advisable for you to respond in the event that you end up ending up around gossip or enticed to gossip?

1. Require a moment to supplicate and request that the Essence of God help you in conquering this terrible propensity that destroys companionships and disperses lies.

2. Say a supplication for the gatherings in question. On the off chance that you hear something that is especially odd, consider what those people truly need during this time, presumably not your muddled mouth spreading their business, and request that the Master meet them where they are and supply their requirements.

3. Think about when you were encountering a troublesome time, or took part in some ridiculous silliness that charitably went unmentioned (and we've all accomplished something piddling) and consider how you would feel if individuals where discussing you and placing their own twist on the carefully guarded secrets.

4. Appeal to God for mending; there is an expression that "hurt individuals hurt individuals" implying that possibly you have been a survivor of gossip sooner or later in your life and you feel that you reserve an option to talk in such a way about others, particularly on the off chance that they have done likewise to you. Nonetheless, instead of do that, we ought to go to our Magnificent Dad, ask that He would mend the injuries and scars in our souls and lead us to cherishing others, not destroying them with revolting bits of hearsay and untruths.

5. On the off chance that you have companions that gossip, decline to take part, or consider cautiously assessing whether you ought to keep organization with such individuals. Without censuring or judging, truly consider how solid such fellowships are. On the off chance that you truly need to help them, you could have a discussion and talk about how hurtful gossip is. Not certain what to say? Supplicate and ask the Essence of God for delicate words, that you may priest to them and reinforce the obligations of your fellowship. On the off chance that they get outraged and cut you off? Indeed, we simply need to cherish and hoist individuals in supplication from a distance here and there.

We should be ladies moving, pressing together Genuine desires and being a reference point of light in our Dad's picture. The if I'm not mistaken, no place in the Sayings 31 depiction did I read "She works up gossip and distension in the town square; she shares the organization of slanderers." No ma'am that isn't the lady you need to be.

As you are perusing this article, on the off chance that you feel in your heart that you object to gossip and you need to stop. Require a moment to say this supplication.

Dear Magnificent Dad,

As an offspring of the Most High it is my longing to be an illustration of adoration and sympathy towards my kindred sisters and siblings in Christ. Kindly give me the elegance to utilize my words to spread love among individuals and not lies and bits of gossip. At the point when I hear gossip, if it's not too much trouble, give me the solidarity to turn the other way and pass on that which would serve to demolish connections, assist me with being a paste that ties individuals together and not tear individuals down. Assist me with being somebody that individuals can trust and trust in, completely certain that I can keep up the uprightness of my assertion and that I may realize that as a righteous woman, gossip has no spot all the rage or in my connections.

#gossip lanka hot news

[dudence-blog]

Dear Dudence for 30 November 2017

It’s the penultimate day of the week.  Friday Eve.  Time to start warming up for the weekend.  With a glass of wine in hand and a series of questions needing answers it’s on to the fun!

My 5-year-old daughter is the joy of my life. She is smart, funny, kind, and adorable—but she is a terrible singer! I mean, dogs will howl when she sings. But for some reason, she thinks she is a great singer and insists on doing it often and at the top of her lungs, which annoys me to no end.

Dear Breaking a 5-year old’ heart, this is my face as I read your letter:  :-I  I’m hoping you’re rereading this yourself and realizing you’re the villain in a children’s movie.  All that being said, of course your five year old is a terrible singer.  She’s 5.  They’re terrible at everything.  Have you ever seen them run?  Ride a bike?  Cook?  Throw a football?  Drive a car?  They’re awful at all of them.  You know why?  Because they’re five.  Do not, I repeat DO NOT stop your child from singing just because you think she’s a terrible singer.  Teach her time and place for quiet time, and if she’s just too precocious maybe look into a children’s choir (your local church almost certainly has one).

My significant other and I have been together for a couple of years. When we met, I knew that he was in the poly scene, but he said that was not a necessity for him. I was curious about opening up the relationship but wanted us to build our relationship first. At this point, I feel like we have a strong foundation and am curious about opening things up. I have not had great experiences with nonexclusive relationships before and know that I have a strong jealous streak. However, I am also turned on by the idea of my partner being with someone else, although I wouldn’t want us to have full-blown relationships with other people.

Dear Happily considering an open relationship, I’m going to guess that “strong jealous streak” and “open relationship” are not quite mixing nitro and glycerin, but it’s a close enough approximation.  That being said if it’s something you’re interested in, bring it up with your partner.  Talk, talk some more, then talk some more, and if you’re both still down for it go and start banging other people to your heart’s, or wherever else’s, content.  But, let’s go ahead and back up a bit.  You mention that you’re turned on by the fantasy of your partner being with someone else.  One, not every fantasy is meant to be experienced, nor will they live up to the hype.  Two, “I get wet/hard in my nethers thinking about him with someone else” doesn’t necessarily need to be satisfied by both of you needing to seek out half-blown relationships with other people.  Maybe just a threesome with a professional satisfies that particular itch?  Remember, shop local this holiday season.

My stepmom has always had an odd habit of trying to co-opt my parents’ shared history to minimize my mother’s role. For example, someone will tell a story that happened in the ’80s, when my brother and I were toddlers, and my stepmom will remark on how she remembers or was present at that event, even though this was years before my parents broke up.

Dear Mom who, not to be that guy but how sure are you that something which happened before your parents broke up means it’s impossible your stepmom wasn’t around then?  Nevermind.  Not to defend an evil stepmother here, but “I don’t want my husband’s ex at family functions involving me, his current wife,” is not the most unreasonable request in the world.  It would be great if we lived in a world where, even after divorce, all parties behaved respectfully towards each other.  Also, if you were a toddler in the 80s you’re a grown-ass (wo)man now.  You might just need to accept that your dad and his wife are just not going to be able to play nice with your mom, and stop trying to make it happen.  You might not be being petty, but you’re certainly refusing to acknowledge the actual state of the relationship between your parents and their current spouses.

After my brother’s divorce, he doesn’t speak to his daughters (ages 16, 19, and 23). I have maintained a great relationship with my nieces. I feel that that their relationship with their father has nothing to do with me. I am supportive of all mature behavior, by anyone.

Dear Auntie in the Middle, I’d say keep on keeping on by being someone on their father’s side of the family the can reach out to.  If you want to take some extra effort to keep the grandparents and grandchildren connected then arrange a time when the girls will call that the grandparents knoew to expect the call.  “Hey mom, Daughter 2 would really just like to speak with you.  She’s going to call you Sunday afternoon, please make sure your phone is on.”  Also, there is no rule which says people can’t write.  “Hey dad, you and Daughter 1 keep missing each other’s calls, could you shoot her an email? She’d really like to hear from y’all.”

My boyfriend’s family is all very abusive to each other, and in turn, it’s all he knows. He is a very sweet and loving person, but if even mildly agitated, he’ll call me names and scream at me that I’m crazy. Today he told me that he was breaking up with me and to get the fuck off his property or he would call the police, after pushing me out and slamming my arm in the door. Turns out, it was his mom’s birthday and I wasn’t invited, and he forgot when he invited me over and said we were going out tonight. He then texted me, acting very sweetly again, saying he just wanted me to leave and didn’t know how to make me leave, that he’s sorry, all that.

Dear Boyfriend’s Abusive Family, you know my expression from the mom who hates her child’s singing voice?  Yeah, I’m giving you that face hoping you’ll hear what you’re saying.  Your boyfriend is a monster and he’s going to seriously injure you.  I get it, he’s from a terrible family and he’s acting the only way he knows how.  He’s also going to put you in the hospital one day.  The reason he’s a wonderful, caring person when he’s not a rage demon is because if he was such a creature all the time he wouldn’t get you to want to stay with him.  Leave.  Leave now.  

I have been in a relationship with the same person my entire adult life (10 years). We’re all but engaged, and he wants very much to buy a house and settle down into a blissful future. It’s a beautiful dream, but I feel discontent, and there’s a big part of me that desperately wants to run away, drop 70 pounds, and sleep with other people. I want to sleep around and date and do all the things I missed out on, but I can’t bear to lose him.

Dear FOMO or something more serious, you could discover you’re half Amish and want to give rumsphringe a go.  Much like Newdie I cannot predict the future.  Unlike Newdie though I can give you one of two options how it’s going to go.  1, you’re going to break up with your long term boyfriend who satisfies you in all those dull, mundane ways which long-term partners satisfy each other and you’re going to find out that banging bunches of people you don’t know well and who don’t care that much about you isn’t all you thought it would be, that travel is actually kind of dull; sure it has its moments, but at the end of it you spent a lot of money to go someplace that wasn’t all it looked to be in the movies, and kind of smelled like pee (Hello Paris!), and at the end of it all you’re going to find your ex used the opportunity as well and enjoyed it.  2, you’re going to find that, now freed from your anchor of a boyfriend you shed that weight and it turns out you love banging hot guys and gals in hidden nooks and blind corners in all the places to which you travel.  I know which outcome I’m going to bet on.

I have a co-worker who is very polite, fun to be around, and treats me with respect. The problem? My intuition is telling me that her kindness is fake and that I should be careful to trust her. I just have this feeling that I can’t trust her and that she will use our friendship against me. I have no evidence to back this mindset up, but it’s always in the back of my mind when I’m around her. How do I get past this?

Dear Deviance in my head, you don’t get past it.  It’s work, not play group.  You don’t trust them.  Be professional, but they’re not your friend and you don’t need them to be to do your fucking job.

I am a middle-aged woman. The past year has been stressful: My husband retired due to disability. I gave up a part-time job to travel with him, but we ended up staying home. Our 20-year-old daughter had a mental health crisis, left college, and moved back home. We are in very good financial shape. We get along OK, although I find myself mediating arguments between the two of them.

Dear Rehab, several aspects of your life were unexpectedly turned on their head, and not for the better.  Honestly, I felt like refreshing my drink just reading it.  Being aware that you’re upping your alcohol intake and that you’re likely doing it in response to some stresses in your life is a good start.  Instead of running off to find a program to control your suspected alcoholism, maybe you should first just try not drinking as much.  Have your beer with dinner, and then stop.  If that doesn’t work you might want to look into getting some help, but I’m having a hard time thinking you’re an alcoholic when you haven’t actually shown you’re not in control of your relationship with alcohol.

One of my good friends from high school recently came out to me as gay. We were part of a tight friend group—all cis men who graduated from high school about 10 years ago. He and I have remained friends, and since he came out to me, he has mentioned having boyfriends and dating men since at least early college, meaning he was in the closet (or at least not out to me) for a while now.

Dear Did I keep my friend in the closet, I have an acquaintance who files letters like your under the header “Dear World, how can I show the world how woke I am?”.  You are being selfish, overthinking this, and are definitely trying to insert yourself into your friend’s relationship with his own sexualtiy.  Also, it’s likely you and your other friends talking about masturbation and discussing porn with him made him gay because that is totally how that works.  You should tell him that.

I love my boyfriend, “Stan,” and I see a future together. My only problem is how enmeshed his life is with his ex, “Sara.” Sara is gay and came out after she divorced Stan. They have a son together. Sara and her partner have three kids together. Stan got remarried but lost his wife to cancer. His stepdaughter is still in her final year of high school so she lives with him. Stan and his family go over to Sara’s all the time for dinner. Stan is the Little League coach for one of their kids and takes the other two camping and hiking. His son is in college, but Stan refers to Sara’s kids as his all the time! His stepdaughter calls them her “aunts” and “cousins.”

Dear Separate Lives, your boyfriend didn’t lose his wife to cancer, she died from it.  Back to the letter.  It’s good you feel like an ogre for resenting the positive and fulfilling relationship your boyfriend has with his son, his son’s half-siblings, and the daughter of his dead wife, because “ogrish” is one of the words I thought of while when I saw how this letter was going to go.  The way you start this conversation would be to discuss how you view your future together.  Maybe, just maybe, Stan doesn’t see the same future you do.  The dude does have bad luck with wives afterall.  Maybe he is looking forward to downsizing and letting the kids live their own lives when they’re older.  You won’t know unless you ask.  There’s nothing in your discussion with Stan that is guaranteed to start a fight.  I mean, unless you go into it demanding he boot out his stepdaughter (she’s not his real daughter away) and get those disgusting lesbos away from y’all.  If you do that then, yeah, it’s going to be a fight.

[commentaryonhowwelive]

October 2017. Age 25. Journal Entry.

Tuesday, October 10th, 2017

“The fact that I'm having a hard time sitting down to write about what makes me happy is itself indicative of what makes me happy. I have this desire to extend my inner happiness into the physical world in an attempt to create an unchanging and unlimited source of happiness. This is impossible, but I incessantly try anyways.

As I make more money, try to stay into excellent shape, constantly move from place to place and change jobs, sleep with random girls, it's all an attempt to create a source of happiness from outside of myself.

I don't like the idea of finding happiness only from within, because the human brain simply doesn't work that way. If we’re living in miserable conditions, our bodies are hardwired to want to be in a different state. If we’re too cold or too hot, we strive to reach a temperature that is comfortable. Our biology simply doesn’t allow such fine tuned machines to work under too extreme of conditions. If we’re hungry, our stomachs will hurt and we will become irritable. As the phrase goes, “society is only three square meals away from anarchy”. This states that we are human animals whether we like it or not, and we must conform in some way to society in order to create livable conditions for ourselves. 

The capitalist society that we live in creates desire; which I find inherently dangerous. However, we as humans will always have a strong sense of desire for things that can advance our genes because it’s necessary for our survival. When our primate ancestors saw a fertile mate, or a companion with a piece of fruit in their hand, you can bet that they had a strong desire for what they saw, or else they didn’t survive. 

In our modern age, we still have a desire for what we see, that’s why capitalism is still works. Except we don’t beat our friends over the head for their apple, we just think about wanting it then probably go buy our own later. Even though we don’t act immediately on our desires as much any more, the desires remain as we are still human animals. We are imperfect beings, in realizing this, we have learned about our biology and instincts and have exploited them via capitalism through incessant consumerism and gearing our marketing toward our biological needs that sometimes we don’t even realize are there. Commercials play our emotions, we use bright colored signs, we give free samples in stores to stimulate our appetite to make us want to buy more food.

So instead of turning away completely from capitalism and shaking your fist at the CEO’s of the world, I say we embrace it with a healthy dose of skepticism. Emphasis on the term healthy. Allowing ourselves to feel our feelings and act on our needs and desires is not only healthy, it's necessary. Our goal should be to find a way to release our urges and act as our bodies want to act while at the same time, living in line with capitalism to the point that we have financial freedom.

People aren’t evil, excessive capitalism is evil.

Capitalism facilitates hyperbolized human tendencies which quickly turn into what we consider the 7 Deadly Sins. When you have the opportunity to make $500,000 a year, it’s really hard to say no to that, even if you’re cognizant that the wage could feed 15 less fortunate families but you’re going to use it to go on exotic vacations. Greed happens not because humans are evil, but because capitalism allows it.

Those less fortunate families would more likely than not fall victim to the same faults and hoard money if given the opportunity.

Again, capitalism as a system isn’t inherently evil. It is an imperfect means of societal progression which leads to the exploitation the primal urges of us imperfect humans.

Once we get to the point that we can make enough money to live the life we want to live within capitalism (since cash is king and a near sure fire way to create the objective life we want), we can then attempt to feel true freedom and feel the feelings we have, acting as true and authentic beings. As Maslow’s hierarchy of needs dictates, we must take care of our basic needs that we as humans need, then our goals above that are subjective, i.e. self actualization and who we want to associate with.

You need food water shelter to make yourself happy. This is because you’re a biological organism, therein requiring certain objective fuel sources. But once this has been settled, we can achieve happiness in any way our cerebral cortices deem fit. You need a certain level of happiness within before externalities can make you happy. You need an edifice to build on top of. If you’re starving in a giant beautiful house, you can’t appreciate the house. If you have a million dollars but you’re homeless, that money is good for nothing. If you didn’t sleep last night, it doesn’t matter how many people are around you that you love; all you want to do is sleep. Thus, we must care for our human needs and urges before we can approach the next level of validation. The top level of validation is human actualization.

Everyone is somewhere along the capitalism acceptance scale. Some are fully within the throes of a capitalist lifestyle of earning and spending, creating unneeded waste in order to fulfill their shallow desires. Others do only what they need to do to care for themselves, then they choose to ignore the chasing of money for the rest of their available time for it does not appeal to them; they have different metrics for satisfaction. Say John makes $100,000 a year but really only needs $30,000 to live the lifestyle that makes him happy, so he does so. However, Don also makes $100,000 but digs himself into crippling debt by living a life of opulence outside of his means. They make the same amount of money, yet John is likely to be much happier because he lives within his means. His lifestyle doesn’t require the spending of more money than he has, putting himself in debt to others, yet he’s happier.

I can see the hierarchy at play in the moment to moment in myself as I can allow my mind to wonder pleasantly insofar as I'm with others, waiting for something, or getting something done. I'd much rather sit in a coffee shop and allow my mind to wander and write if I'm with someone I know, satisfying the social need immediately before allowing myself to self actualize. Writing for me is an act that leads to self actualization, yet I have a fear of writing if writing is all I’m doing. I feel like I’m missing something, like I should be doing something else, like I don’t deserve to be sitting here and just writing. I know that I deserve the capability to write whenever and however much I want, yet my fear of being alone outweighs my desire to write. Thus, I tend to write only when something else is happening that validates myself in the present.

If I am teaching a class and I have 20 minutes of down time, I feel comfortable writing.

If I’m waiting for a friend to show up somewhere, I feel comfortable writing.

If I’m on a plane and have no where to go, I feel comfortable writing.

If I’m sitting in the living room with my significant other, her working, I feel comfortable writing.

It’s a belief that writing should be on the back burner, something to fill time, no matter how meaningful it may be or how much it leads to satisfaction when I have a finished a piece. 

I thrive on chaos. Insofar as the chaos isn’t stress inducing, so I guess I could say that I thrive on having a lot of things going on all at once, because the more going on, the less I’m thinking about myself and more about the world around me.

When I’m by myself, I start over thinking. A thought goes into a spider web of this then this and maybe that, but also that and if this and this makes that then it also creates this and that and maybe these too! Thoughts don’t stop when alone, but quickly and consistently reacting to a chaotic environment is the antidote. Having to respond to my environment puts the thoughts on the back burner. I’m not worried about whether I could be doing better, whether that guy is making more money than me, whether I could be doing something better with my life. I think this applies to an extreme many of facets of life, in that the less you think about things, the happier you are. Ignorance in bliss, and if I’m busy with something all day and allocating all of my mental resources towards that, I don’t have time to worry. A busy person is usually a happy person.

Occupying your mind with anything that isn't negative is ideal. It's better to piss away your time with simple happiness than to have worry over take you. I’m better off delivering pizzas, a seemingly simple task, rather than worrying about myself.

General sadness isn't necessarily what we’re trying to avoid. Because when we think of being sad, at least I tend to have a grossly oversimplified idea of what it is, without really objectifying it. What we’re trying to actually avoid is bad decisions, which are predated typically by worry, fear, anxiety, or melancholy. When we’re in fear, anxious, or upset, we make poor decisions. We regress, or overeat, or drink too much, or don’t aim for anything positive. Thus, having simple yet positive tasks to occupy our time is better than engaging in negative activities like watching TV, over eating, playing video games, or doing drugs.

Looking back at our ancestors; their primitive lifestyle and what they needed to do to survive, it makes sense to somewhat mimic that in our own lives. Create our own quests and whatnot. They didn’t have time to be worried or anxious about the unknown, because they were preoccupied with the task at hand, which in essence was always working towards something. 

In addition to the actions that we take, we must always take into consideration the inaction that is just as important. This is manifested in the act of selective ignorance. We can experience a lack of motivation due to the sheer amount of pain in the world, or all of the things that we know we’ll never be able to overcome or accomplish or change. We must ignore it, selectively of course, so as to not pass that threshold of ignorance to a fault. I could spend all day ruminating on the lack of food in 3rd world countries, or the evil disproportion of wealth in capitalist countries, or that fact that I’m crummy at understanding computer code, but what’s the point? How will that assist the human? It won’t, unless it is acted upon in a positive way to solve the problem.

I once read about a man who made a lot of money at a very young age. It was a combination of luck and skill. I was jealous of him. What did he have that I didn’t? Why him? Why me? Then I found out he died. That's all of our ends. I immediately felt more fortunate than him, because I live in this moment. I have what he doesn’t. It’s a manifestation of my primal urges to have what others don’t, to be the leader, to be the alpha. I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do.

Anger is often manifested as putting too much emotional stock in others. Any time I’m angry, I can almost always relate it to someone else’s actions, or the fact that I’m upset that I’m not as good as someone else. Thus I’m putting to much emotional stock in others.

That’s all for now.

[sean-likes-movies-blog]

Love, Simon and my first review (ᵔᴥᵔ)

(No Spoilers btw)

There’s a horrible trend in movies right now. And before I say what it is I’m going to need you to have an open mind because I know it’s something that most people feel so strongly about they don’t even stop to consider whether they are being misguided. But I’m just gonna come out (hehe) and say it... Call Me by Your Name was an ok movie at best.

Now I know what you’re thinking... “I loved it! You’re wrong! Call Me by Your Name is a universally beloved film! Just look at the IMBD score!” And you may be right, it may actually be a great movie. But I just found it to be so... incredibly... boooring. I was constantly resisting the urge to go on my phone and look at something more exciting. I even watched it twice because clearly I must be missing something, everyone tells me it’s amazing! But it just kept putting in a comatose state. (Also, I know Oliver is meant to be 24 but he looks so old and that just made the whole romance feel super creepy #PedoVibes)

It was funny, a few months ago I joined a conversation with some fellow films students (two gay guys and a girl) as they were praising the film. “Ohmygod it’s so good” “The music is insane!” “I bet it’s gonna win so many Oscars!” “Yeah, I actually found it to be... kind boring” I interjected expected roaring backlash. “Right!” “Yeah I thought so too” “It took me two days to watch the whole thing.” So I came to the conclusion that the only reason it is so popular is because Timothée Chalamet is a fucking dreamboat! (Especially in Lady Bird)

No I really came to the conclusion it’s “good” simply because it celebrates being gay. And that makes me sad. Doing what I do I know so many amazing people with wonderful and tragic stories that deserve to be explored in exciting ways! Anyway when I saw the trailer for Love, Simon I giggled like a schoolgirl at the concept of a comedy film about a closeted kid.

So I just finished watching it about 20 minutes ago (In future I’ll try to watch a movie at least twice before doing a review) and I kinda liked it. I didn’t love it, like it’s not the best movie ever but I enjoyed for what it was: A fucking teen movie! Holy shit the first 20 minutes of the film I wanted to rip my hair out at that cheesy fucking dialogue! THE FUCKING DIALOGUE! There’s an interaction with his mom near the beginning where I just wanted to yell; “NOBODY TALKS LIKE THAT” anyway you get over it pretty quickly and then you can kinda start enjoying the movie.

So the plot follows Simon who, you guessed it, is a closeted guy in his last year of high school. A blog post on this website, called Creek’s Secrets, where (and I’m sorry is this really a real thing in America?) students from the school can post gossip about other students and make the little rants, confessions or whatever their hearts desire for the whole school to see, reveals that there is another closeted gay kid at school, who calls himself blue. Simon and blue become pen pals when *gasp the inciting incident* this geeky guy sees Simon’s emails and threatens to out him if he doesn’t help him get a girlfriend... Yip, it’s a teen movie.

This results in Simon engaging in all sorts of cooky shenanigans to influence the love lives of his friends, all while continuing his correspondence with Blue, trying to figure out who he may be.

There are a lot of Cringy moments in Love, Simon. Like, a lot. And what filmmakers love doing is exploiting the fact that when something cringy happens in film, that cringe transports itself through the screen into the audience. There this one scene that is absolutely painful to watch and seems to last forever! But I guess that encapsulates young love right? Just a string of cringy moments.

Now the ending, the big climax. Personally I was able to predict it but I wouldn’t say it’s predictable. Though I do have a pretty big problem with it. The movie, for a brief moment ignores the moral high ground it tried to establish just a few scenes earlier in a ‘if our protagonist can do it then it’s fine. If you don’t know what I’m talking about I’ll explain now. WARNING: SPOILERS. PROCEED TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH TO CONTINUE THIS SPOILER FREE REVIEW. Simon yells at Martin for taking away his choice in coming out but then emotionally blackmails Bram into coming out. Yeah yeah Bram did come foreword in his own free will but because he was feeling the cringe we were of seeing Simon on the ferris wheel alone and not necessarily because he wanted to. Oh and one more small gripe now that we’re in the spoiler section. The fact that they’re gradating soon is mentioned multiple times throughout the movie but never comes to fruition. The movie ends on ‘17 days till graduation’. So like, they don’t really get to have their high school romance? also, why does nothing happen to homophobic principle and those two kids? Probably some deep reflection of society bullshit.

In the end though, despite the cringy dialogue, Love, Simon left me with a warm feeling inside. It’s a feel-good movie while also telling an important story and bringing to light serious topics in a manner that in bound to open up discussion and broaden perspectives. Though I find myself being able to take teen movie’s less and less seriously because as you grow older you find that most of the issues dealt with in these films really don’t matter in the real world (Yes I know they matter to teens, that’s why it’s a teen movie). Yet I find this movie to far more progressive than Call Me by Your Name as it tell a far more grounded and relatable story (I don’t know about you, but I don’t have too many mysterious students staying with me and my family for the summer) while keeping it light and entertaining.

Overall I gve Love, Simon a 7/10. Still can’t get over that teen movie dialogue ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[msblackriver]

Fly on the wall Elephant in the room

It makes me feel uncomfortable.  People talk as if I am a fly on the wall when I should be the elephant in the room.  Comments they make, about black people in front of me because I am different or I am not like “them."  But it makes me feel uncomfortable, and of course they do not know that.  If they did they would refrain from the stupidity they are engaging in.  “Black people this, black people that”, like I am so far from.  Like it is impossible for me to be one of them.  Well I surely am not one of you.  And although I am not exactly them, I am much closer to them than I am to you.  By black you mean African American and I am not that, but I am black.

I am an East African and I have had this conversation before with people.  There is a number of things to consider about my experiences.  First I do not look like what some people expect black people to look like.  I’m not saying that I don’t look black or African, but I am saying that I have been told that I do not look Black or African, which explains to me the disassociation in people's minds.  I most definitely look East African, and some people believe this is not what a “true” black person looks like.  To those who are familiar with Eritreans or Ethiopians they recognize me as one.  One girl at work asked me where my parents are from and when I replied East Africa she asked “both of them”?  Her mouth hung open in shock when I told her "yes".  “But what color are they”?  “Their color is similar to mine”.  She was speechless.  There are variations in skin tone. facial features and body types in African people.  Also it’s not just how you look, even dark skinned Jamaicans and Nigerians are treated differently by White Americans, Mexican Americans etc.  Why?  Because they are culturally different  and non threatening to white washed people.  They stand out, easily spotted and sorted, they may talk

with an accent and they may dress differently.  They don’t carry the same generational mistrust and unease in the presence of  white people that many African Americans do.  The African American fearing white people feel comfortable in their presence, they feel welcomed by their lack of bad experiences with their race and may occasionally say unintentionally offensive things in their company.  Malcolm Gladwell said it’s called moral licensing.  Someone may feel they are not racist by associating with people of a different race and by doing so feel justified in expressing negative thoughts and feelings they may have on that group of people.  The “black friend” thing.  

The bashing of American blacks I believe is very common within different cultural groups, including other black groups such as Caribbeans and Africans.  I have heard a good amount of it within my group of people.  The remarks can be outright or implied.  Somehow everyone got the memo that it was okay to do this.  Probably in an effort to differentiate oneself, and to reinstate your own patriotic beliefs that you come from a special group of people.  A good looking group of people who keep a clean house, cook the best food, are hard working, and don't steal and rob.  You don't shoot guns, and your women are honorable and the men polite.  Whats messed up is that it is agreed upon by those participating in this conversation that it is acceptable and factual.  “I hate to say it but..”  “it’s not racist if it’s true.”  That was spoken by a Greek Orthodox priest during Sunday service expressing his discontent with Muslims, “it’s not racist if it’s true.”  I was there with my mother and sister and was surprised that a Priest was including this in his sermon.  It was either 9/11 or 4th of July one of the patriotic anniversaries because I remember the Star Spangled Banner was played.  

One blond skin head looking kid I once worked with at Benihana’s thought it was funny to share a disturbingly racist story at work.  He was sitting at the table with another young white boy and an Asian woman in her mid 30’s.  They laughed like they did not see how disgusting it looked to someone like me.  Well the skin head looking boy started off talking about how his dad did not like black people.  He had come to Benihana’s and because of the way they do seating there often times you will be seated with strangers.  Each table seats 8 so if you are by yourself or have a small party you will most likely be seated with another family or group of friends.  His dad was seated with a group of black people, and he asked to be moved.  “Because he doesn’t like black people, and they were really dumb."  They all laughed like they were watching Chris Rock’s comedy special.  Then the story gets worse, “yeah my dad hates black people, he’s from Texas and said I should become a police officer and move to Texas.  Down there you can beat the shit out of black people and get away with it.”  They are all sitting there and laughing like it was funny to them.  This kid who could only beat anyone behind the protection of a Police Officers uniform because he was 100 pounds in his Minnesota winter boots,and jacket.  I could not believe my ears.  I have been around and heard fucked up things, casually racist remarks and what not but my experience at Benihana's was unreal.  The staff of mostly Asians did not give a fuck.  They openly expressed their disappointment about being given another black table.  “Brotha sista” they called them, “too many brotha sista.”  They did not want to serve them because they didn’t tip well and were demanding, not completely untrue.  However when 30 or

so percent of the customers are black you will have to serve them, it is inevitable, because of the neighborhood it happened to be in.  I kind of wanted to call 20/20 so they could do an undercover report and Benihanas would get busted?  I’m not sure who would be held responsible.  I bet you it’s the same bitches working there now, miserable bitches don’t go nowhere they don’t move on and get different jobs.  Then how could they bitch and moan every 15 minutes about “brotha sista”, “why are they giving me all the black tables”?  “Because they like this particular server they are giving her all the good tables.”  Some supposed restaurant politics if you get in good with the host they will give you all the good tables meaning they will give you all the white people.  3 of the hosts were black 2 of which were half black they were the managers sons, all the managers were Japanese.  They knew about the complaints which they somehow took lightly it didn’t seem to bother them too much.  They would just say “shut up” and laugh about it.  But nothing as bad as I witnessed from this little white leprechaun.  I approached him, he was now by himself, and told him, “You can say what you want when you are at home or outside of work but you can not talk about that here.”  He was caught off guard and defensive.  “Are you racist”?  “Um no he stuttered, “my dad is”.  He apologized that he offended me and clarified that his dad was the racist.  He was young 20 years old  I believe he was at a point in his life when he did not know what he was.  He was undecided in his stance, unsure of himself.  I know that no one would say those things in front of me if I looked like Michael Jordan.  Also another interesting thing is when I later told the story to other coworkers one of which was a Filipino woman who was one of the nicer ones but still not free of discriminatory behavior.  I said “why did he say that in front of me”.  Her response was “don’t get mad, you’re not black you’re half and half”.  I said “no i’m not”.  Somehow she made up that I was biracial and in her mind if I was biracial I should not get mad when negative remarks were made about black people, because I should be happy to disassociate myself because I was not full black?  What kind of logic is that?  Then I think a light bulb went off in her head, “oh so that means you don’t like when I say things about black people”?  I said well I wouldn’t talk about Mexican’s in front of them gesturing towards a group of Hispanics, some of them being Mexican “see see, she said eagerly they are not all Mexican, Salvadorians don’t like to be called Mexican either.”  Her boyfriend was Salvadorian so I guess she was in a position to speak on their behalf.  I never said they were all Mexican her guilt made her feel the need to gas light and accuse me of being racially insensitive somehow equating me with everyone else there that said anything racist.  Confusing a Salvadorian for a Mexican is not the same as calling a Salvadoran stupid and saying that you want to be a cop so you can beat them up.  It would simply be ignorant but not hateful, Like when someone assumes i’m Somalian or Ethiopian it’s a stupid assumption but not racist or hateful, just ignorant.  The thing is I never said they were all Mexican I simply gave an example.  I was well aware that some were Salvadoran and could tell you who was what but she was so eager to attack me so that she wouldn’t feel bad about herself.  Whats messed up is I know that I should of corrected the behavior before.  It did make me feel uncomfortable but I did not and part of the reason is because I was used to hearing the exact same things from my own people, and the truth is although I never agreed it didn’t upset me as much coming from my own.  

#prejudice #minority #being black #fly on the wall #unwelcome