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officerjennie · 3 years

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Title: As the Clouds Whisp Overhead

Summary: Jaskier gets off on Geralt's soft thighs and tummy. Literally. Geralt relaxes back and lets him, enjoying the show. Weight gain spoken of positively. Pairing: Geraskier. WC: 3.5K+

CW: smut, brief mention of weight loss due to difficult times (past)

It had been a rather easy spring, all things considered.

Geralt lazed in the field, not really watching the clouds that drifted overhead, his eyes closed and breaths deepening into an almost meditative state. The smell of wine and cheese was almost drowned out by the wildflowers about them but it was still there, as was the scent of apples, salt, the road, and the lingering oils that Jaskier had insisted on wearing ever since he’d discovered Geralt’s nose was sensitive to the others that he used to reek of.

Said bard was currently shuffling their lunch about, putting most of it away for later, humming one of his newest tunes as he folded back up the blanket he’d apparently bought for just this occasion. Though they’d eaten plenty of meals without it or the basket he’d purchased at the market as well, Jaskier had insisted that a picnic was a special affair and deserved the right accessories to make it just right.

Geralt had just let him do as he wished, not worried about his friend’s coin purse - and not worried about his own, for once. Usually the end of winter spelled a time of heavy work for him but he’d lucked out on a couple of easy and well paying jobs right off the bat - so he thought a bit of down time wouldn’t be the end of the world for them.

The song on Jaskier’s lips was one he hadn’t quite finished yet. Geralt had already heard several different renditions of the first verse alone, lyrics tweaked here and there, the exact lilt of his voice changing back and forth as he tried to settle on what he believed would sound the best. And despite his occasional grumbling over the repetition it was a rather relaxing tune, one he didn’t mind listening to.

Beyond that, there was a sort of...intimacy that came with being trusted with Jaskier’s unfinished works. The knowledge that Jaskier wasn’t always his best around him, was able to fuck around with a song and riddle the air with curses of “bollocks” and “cock” while he tried and failed and tried again to make it just right. That Geralt could see him like this and not the perfected performance that he was to the rest of the world, the mask that was firmly in place right up until the moment he didn’t want it to be.

And that moment just so happened to frequently involve witchers, whether directly or indirectly. How many times had he gone feral on someone for just saying the wrong thing about one of Geralt’s colleagues? Just early that spring he’d jumped someone for spitting on the ground over Lambert’s name, and Jaskier hadn’t even met him yet.

Something like pride welled up in his chest at the thought, though it was a quiet thing. Jaskier should be more careful, he shouldn’t be fighting their fights - but it meant the world to him all the same that he wanted to. Especially for his brothers.

“You know, I’ve never been one for cheese and crackers as anything more than a snack, but that was simply delightful.” Jaskier’s voice came closer as he talked, and the flowers and grass were disturbed next to him as the bard flopped over at his side, quickly snuggling in when Geralt moved his arm to make room for him. “We’ll have to go back and ask again what the name of that cheese was. Never have I ever given so much thought to pairing and wines and all that stuff - my youngest sister was always more interested in that sort of thing, and really if I heard her say one more time that my palette wasn’t refined enough I might have had to hide frogs in her bed again.”

Jaskier settled in nicely at his side, slotting in like they were made for each other, fit perfectly together. He chattered away and Geralt mostly tuned him out, something Jaskier loved to fake hurt over though they both knew it was just that: fake. Over the years Geralt had perfected hearing what he needed to hear and simply listened to the tune of Jaskier’s voice, the song of his highs and lows, his sighs and breaths and every heartbeat becoming the song that was his bard.

Meditation came easier around Jaskier than it did anyone else. Even around his own family it was a struggle. Lambert was a little shit at the best of times and Eskel simply existed larger than he wanted to, and Geralt was always tuned into his brothers, paying attention to them because he knew just how limited theri time was together. But with Jaskier, he could rest, relax, simply let himself be like he’d never experienced with anyone else.

His arm rested at Jaskier’s back, hand loose on his side, barely hanging on and feeling his bard breath in and out as he spoke. Jaskier’s fingers tapped a rhythm where they were rested on his chest, though eventually they moved, sliding down to rest against his stomach and making Geralt hmm at the pleasant warmth they brought.

They’d stripped earlier to bathe in the nearby river and had mostly dressed, though Jaskier had forwent his doublet as Geralt had his armor. It was nice, being out in the wild, away from the faux sense of safety that inn rooms allowed them and yet still able to be this content without his armor on. Just their loose clothing, not enough to be considered decent in any sort of societal setting, simply existing and being and just…

Geralt was content, and he didn’t consider that a bad thing. Not in the slightest.

A breeze rustled the field about them, loose silver hair tickling his face though Geralt didn’t have the bother in him to brush it out of the way or tuck it behind his ear. The air smelled nice for once, no clogging dust on the wind, no rotting anything nearby nor farms to make his nose want to clog itself. Since the summer was still a ways off the sun wasn’t too harsh on his skin, his chemise enough to keep any possible chill away though it was warm enough in this part of the country, everything pleasant and not too much.

There was also a lovely set of fingers that had wormed their way under his chemise. Jaskier hadn’t bothered to push it up, had just scooted his hand underneath, and with very gentle circles had begun to rub patterns into the soft flesh there. It was enough to make Geralt melt beneath him, a soft hmm on his lips accompanied by a sigh as he felt his every muscle relax at the touch. The winter had been extra good to him, Eskel having returned with more coin than expected from his path which had meant more meat for their stews, and the lot of them had eaten extra well.

Jaskier had never shied away from letting him know exactly how much he appreciated it when he ate well. There had been a few times on their own path that food had been scarce, and despite witchers having an accelerated metabolism Geralt had always done his best to see after his bard first and foremost - so when times were tough his body showed it, and Jaskier had played his fingers raw when he saw the worst of it just to make sure the both of them could eat their fill.

But there had been no such worries or struggles yet this year, what with the good winter and the well paying contracts that had followed. Geralt’s stomach was full and soft, protecting the muscles and other important organs underneath, and the rest of him was showing the spoiling as well. His thighs had grown softer, somewhat straining against the material of his pants but it wasn’t quite uncomfortable yet - he knew well enough to keep his clothes somewhat baggy, to make room for the waxing and waning that came with the path. His chest, too, had grown softer, encouraging Jaskier to nuzzle into it at any given opportunity.

Those calloused fingers found some of the scars that ran across his belly, caressing them gently. Some stretch marks veined their way across his skin as well, hidden at the moment by his chemise but Jaskier felt his way across them all the same, giving off a gentle sigh as he snuggled in closer and traced his love wherever he could reach.

Geralt could not have thought of a more peaceful way to spend the afternoon. The clouds blurred as his eyes slid closed at the tender affection, his breaths deepening. Deep breaths in through his nose, smelling the wildflowers. A rabbit was nearby, chomping as quietly as it could on some grass, its hops barely whispers as it braved further away from its burrow. Geralt could hear the gentle chuffing of its babies hidden away, the call of a hawk overhead that sent the rabbit scurrying. The scent of budding trees, of a little mouse that had found some seeds to munch. The scent of his bard, his oils and shampoo and the hint of river on the both of them, and the growing scent of-

A snort brought them both a bit out of the peace, and Geralt cracked his eyes just enough to smirk down at the startled confusion growing on his bard’s face.

“Really?”

Those pretty pink lips pouted up at him as if Jaskier wasn’t fully aware of what was growing in his pants. Geralt made a show of raising one of his eyebrows, raking his gaze down, down his bard, straight to stare at his crotch just long enough to get his point across before flicking his eyes right back up.

It took a few seconds for his bard to catch up, Geralt watching the thoughts clear as day on Jaskier’s face, until red spread pretty across his cheeks and darkened the speckle of freckles there. Jaskier sputtered a bit and Geralt had to bite back a wider grin, starts to words that had no finish dropping between them before Jaskier cut himself off with a whine, ducking in to nuzzle into his chest and push the rest of his body closer.

“That’s not fair, Geralt - what, can you, I don’t know, smell it or something?”

Geralt didn’t respond to that, just reached up to tug a stray curl back behind Jaskier’s ear. His bard peeked up at him with another adorable pout jutting out his lower lip, his nose scrunched up as he waited for his ‘ridiculous suggestion’ to be shot down.

But it wasn’t shot down. And Jaskier frowned, and then he squeaked, climbing on top of Geralt to straddle him and poke a very firm finger straight into the chest he’d just been nuzzling.

“You and your- your entirely unfair witcher ways! Are you telling me you could tell all this time? Every time?” Geralt didn’t stop his grin this time and the indignation just grew, hand gestures growing wider. “That is- Geralt, how am I suppose to walk through life knowing you can smell my erection? How am I ever supposed to get up of a morning knowing my every waking naughty thought will be given away? Which yes is entirely too often but you’re entirely not fair, have you looked in a mirror in the past decade? Cruelty, unfair, entirely too sexy for your own good, for anyone’s own good-”

Jaskier went on like that, ranting like only he could, while Geralt eventually tuned his words out just to listen to the lilt of his voice. And the bard made a rather pretty picture himself, straddling him like that. His chemise was loose, showing off curls of dark hair that Geralt could run his fingers through for an eternity and never be bored of it. Broad tanned shoulders, a soft stomach barely hidden underneath his clothes, his pants a wonderful shade of green that fit in with the waking world around them.

A very pretty picture, but a noisy one at the moment. Geralt sighed but Jaskier went on, wildly flourishing his hands as if it was the end of the world that Geralt could smell his arousal. An arousal that had notably not died down, still pressing against the fabric of his pants, catching Geralt’s eyes and making him tilt his head in that way that Jaskier insisted was ‘adorable’ - though Geralt didn’t think he was capable of such a thing.

His thigh twitched with a rather mischievous thought, and as Geralt’s gaze traveled back up to Jaskier’s face, cheeks still stained pink from his rather unnecessary embarrassment, he thought there perhaps that voice would do better singing for him than ranting about his dramatics.

He’d been called an asshole before, and Geralt had never disagreed with the label. But he was lucky enough that Jaskier for the most part never minded - and he greatly doubted Jaskier would mind his next movement.

As Jaskier waved one of his delicate looking wrists in the air, dandelion seeds drifting on the wind about them, Geralt shifted beneath him until he had room to lift up one of his thighs. Before Jaskier could catch his movement it pressed up into him, cutting his bard off with a gasp, his eyes fluttering as Geralt’s smile showed teeth.

“That’s-” Jaskier pressed right down onto his thigh, his hands coming down to support him, and he didn’t waste any time in making it more enjoyable for himself. Shifting down, one hand placed on Geralt’s chest to support him, Jaskier straddled his thigh and slowly ground down onto it. A pretty moan escaped his lips and his tongue darted out as if to catch it.

It was a lovely show, watching as Jaskier pressed down onto him, sought out his own pleasure by rubbing against his thick thigh. Geralt pillowed his head on his arms and just watched, not moving his leg, letting Jaskier set his own pace and feeling pride bubble up in his chest at how pretty he sung for him. On a particularly rough grind Jaskier whimpered and rutted against him faster, making Geralt’s own cock twitch - but he wasn’t really in the mood for pleasure, so he ignored it in favor of the show.

Though he made for a beautiful picture, back lit by the sun and clouds, a pretty blue above that couldn’t quite beat the beautiful blue of his eyes, Jaskier wasn’t purposely looking good for a show. He didn’t touch his own skin like he did when he rode Geralt, didn’t skim his hands down his chest and stomach to show it off. Didn’t bite his lip or run and tangle his fingers into his curls. The emotions that crossed his face were not stressed or controlled, his noises slipped out without thought, his body moving without any purpose beyond pleasuring himself - and it made it a moment Geralt wanted to sear into his memory forever. That Jaskier could let go like this for him. That he trusted that Geralt didn’t mind, trusted that Geralt did not judge him for his desires. How human Jaskier allowed himself to be, imperfect and all the more beautiful for it.

“Fuck,” Jaskier cursed on an exhale, his movements already shaking, his cock dripping enough precum that it soaked into the front of his pants. Geralt could almost feel it wetting his own. “Geralt I- fuck you’re gorgeous, so gorgeous, I want to-” his hips stuttered, breath catching on a moan, brown curls caught on the wind and dancing. “Can- can I get off on your stomach? Gods it’d be so soft, feel so good, I- fuck.”

That was something he’d never requested before. Geralt quirked an eyebrow, belying another twitch of his own cock, but he grunted out “If you must.” And he had to bite back a chuckle at how quickly Jaskier’s fingers went for the ties of his pants.

Jaskier’s cock was leaking profusely though that wasn’t anything he didn’t already know. It looked like it was aching from it, hard and red and angry when he fished it out of his pants and smalls, and Jaskier whined as he couldn’t help but stroke himself a few times. His hips bucked with it, a greedy and wanting noise slipping from between his wet lips - but then he was slipping down Geralt’s leg to straddle his hips, and his cock was pushed against the soft skin of his stomach.

It didn’t slide against him very easily. The precum leaking from the tip helped, but Jaskier didn’t seem to care, holding onto his cock and gently rubbing it against him, jaw wide and loose like it was the single most pleasurable act Jaskier had ever experienced. Geralt cocked his head and tore his gaze away from Jaskier to watch his cock rub circles on him, precum dribbling faster and catching in the hair that curled white all over his abdomen.

Honestly, Geralt didn’t quite understand it. Wasn’t entirely sure what had Jaskier’s breath coming so fast, his heart beating so quick at rubbing against his soft stomach. But he didn’t really care. Jaskier’s hips jerked and he fought to keep himself reigned in, to keep his movements steady and slow, and Geralt just watched him and let him. Let him take this pleasure, smelling the arousal coming off of him in waves, listening to the rhythm of his breaths and body and heart. And Geralt memorized every little detail, from the flutter of his long eyelashes to the way his fingers dug into Geralt’s side, nails just at the edge of biting him.

Jaskier whimpered, long and shaking, when he came. It was desperate, his face scrunching up, eyes shut tight as if he was grasping onto the pleasure with all of his might. Geralt reached out to take hold of one of his hands, letting Jaskier clench his fingers as hard as he needed, bringing them up to brush his lips against the knuckles as Jaskier spilled all over his stomach.

His bard almost collapsed onto him, but Geralt moved him before that could happen, bringing him down with a shush at his further whimpers and letting him rest once more in the crook of his arm. And Jaskier came down slow, heartbeat eventually matching the rhythm of his deepening breaths, eyes still scrunched up tight as if he didn’t want to let go of what he’d been feeling.

When Geralt ran his fingers through his curls, they were damp with sweat. He hummed, not minding, just holding him close as he melted against him.

Eventually, Jaskier stretched, letting his arm flop against Geralt’s chest and legs tangle with his once more. He almost made an effort to open his eyes. Almost. Instead he frowned lightly, nuzzling into Geralt and as he moved impossibly closer.

“Want me to return the favor, love?” His words were light things that could have been carried off by the wind if Geralt’s hearing had been even slightly worse.

In truth, Geralt was turned on. How could he not be when Jaskier had ridden his thigh and stomach so beautifully? But he thought it over for a minute, the cool breeze tickling his face with a few stray white hairs, the scent of wildflowers coming back to him as the one of arousal dissipated.

“No,” he said finally, pulling Jaskier closer to kiss the top of his head. Despite the interest his body had shown he found he wasn’t in the mood himself, content enough to let Jaskier have his pleasure and leave it at that.

Jaskier just hummed, not questioning him further, and a small smile tugged at Geralt’s lips knowing there would be no hurt feelings over it. His bard’s fingers eventually went back to lazily tracing patterns into his skin, though he made a bit of a yucky face when they found the sticky mess he’d left of Geralt’s stomach hairs. Still they were both far too content to clean up just yet, not even wasting the energy to tuck Jaskier’s softening cock back away in his pants as they laid there, relaxed, enjoying the non-harsh sun and the clouds that lazed across the sky overhead.

“Coin for your thoughts?” Jaskier whispered into his chest after a time, and Geralt grunted, not even opening his eyes to look down as he responded.

“A bigger food budget.”

A moment later, and Jaskier’s laugh filled the field around them, sharp and uncontained, a laugh that was so far away from the performance he played that it drew a chuckle out of Geralt as well. That they could be themselves around each other, that they could be so carefree and human, was the most joyous thing Geralt had ever found in his long, long life - and that they’d discovered a new way to have fun was exciting, and Geralt was certainly going to take advantage of this new discovery. How could he not, when his reward was a well-pleased bard melting in his arms.

#why did I give this smut piece such a poetic title?#geraskier #geralt #jaskier #the witcher #fanfiction #mywriting #lemony #geralt x jaskier #jaskier x geralt #geralt of rivia #geralt/jaskier #jaskier/geralt #gerskier #and now back to writing the stuff I'm supposed to be working on

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wonderwomanfantasy · 3 years

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five senses

listen you’re going to read this fic and you’re going to go “wow maddie has an oral fixation that's good to know I guess,” and you know what? mind you’re business.

Sero x Fem!Reader

warnings: smut, for play, bondage, sensory deprivation, temperature play, licking? i’m going to warn for it, swearing

word count: 1,500 (about)

Summary: Sero accidently discovers a new kink of his.

Sero never had a problem sharing food. it just wasn't a big deal for his friends to pick off his plate, provided he got to pick off of theirs of course. But of course you just had to be a little tease about it.

“Wow sero that curry looks good,” you cooed from across the lunch table. you pressed your chest up against the tabletop drawing his attention to your boobs. Sero had to force himself too look at your face as he responded

“it is good, you should have some,” he even pushed his tray closer to you so you could pick what you wanted easily, a curtesy he granted few others.

“feed me,” you challenged. Sero didn’t think much of it, he scooped up some meat and rice with his spoon and guided it to your lips and you ate from him giving a small noise of delight at the taste. And his heart stopped in his chest.

his chest felt warm and light, he wanted to make that noise again. make it for him. maybe with something else in your mouth. maybe alone. you pulled back from the spoon and Sero snapped back to the real world.

“you want another bite?” he asked clearing his throat.

“I have my own food Hanta,” you teased. Sero had already scooped another bite for you, almost reluctantly he put the spoon in his own mouth, he could almost taste you.

From then on you weren’t aloud to feed yourself while Sero was around. at least once a meal Hanta insisted on being the one to put the food in your mouth. didn’t even matter if it was with his own fingers or chopsticks. He just lived to see you look up at him while that soft noise of appriation left your throat. it made him all tingly.

Things only got worse when you started dating. suckers and lollipops went directly from his mouth to yours back to his. He’d brake off bits of cookies and hold one end in his mouth and let you eat off the other end. you went through a lot of boxes of pocky that way.

Then sometimes you’d feed him and sero felt his soul ascend. Your hands were so soft as you brushed his face, you’d almost always kiss him after you fed him as well usually making him hungry for something entirely different.

It didn’t help that you liked cooking with him. he couldn’t help but ask you to taste test a sause he was making every five or so minutes just to hold you close and put the wooden spoon to your lips.

You had your fair bit of fun with Sero’s oral fixation too. He nearly lost his mind whenever you changed your chapstick. kissing you over and over again bruising your lips until he committed the new taste to memory. not to mention how wild you could drive him with a banana.

It really was only a mater of time before he brought his oral fixation into the bedroom.

You were cuffed to the bed, your hair brushed back from your face and blindfolded. you were also naked but that almost didn’t matter. Not to Hanta at least.

he picked up a ripe and red strawberry he took a moment to trace the outline of your lips with the fruit before letting you take a bite of it.

“strawberry, too easy,” you guessed, humming as you chewed. the berry had burst when you’d bitten in and a trail of juice dripped down your chin. Sero licked his lips. fuck it. he thought leaning in and licked your jaw. tasting you.

“that one seemed like a tongue,” you teased.

“it’s not supposed to be hard,” he said picking up a piece of chocolate and feeding it to you. He couldn’t stop himself from kissing you this time, he went in open-mouthed letting his tongue explore and taste. He was moaning into your mouth and he felt creepy obsessing over you like this but it felt to good for him to even consider stoping. you were so delicious.

“Sero?” you asked thoughtfully once he had pulled back.

“what princess?”

“If more stuff dribbles down my chin will you lick me again?” you asked as he kissed you again.

“I brought chocolate sauce for licking, you want it now baby or-”

“yes I want it now,”

“let me finish you brat, do you want it now baby because I’m not going to be nice about it,” he huffed. you bit your lip, your teeth dimpling the soft skin of your lower lip. He wanted badly to bite your lip too.

“yes,” you decided. He smiled to himself popping off the cap of the fudge. he tilted the jar letting the warm chocolate spread over your naked chest and stomach making you hiss. it was almost like hot wax. sero licked his lips watching the choclate dripp down your sides. He leaned over you letting his tongue drag across your warm skin lickin as much fudge up as he could.

Sero loved the taste of you, He ended up sucking on your stermun and the soft skin on your tummy even after the choclate was gone he was just addicted to your taste. He pushed himself down your body kissing down your thighs. or maybe biting down them would be more apt.

Sero pushed your legs open and staired at your pretty wet cunt, the place he knew you would taste best. He held himself back. If he started eating you out now there would be no stopping himself and he wasn’t done teasing you yet.

“What do I want next,” he hummed thoughtfully his fingers skimming over the assortment of fruits and sweat that he had selected for tonight. Before deciding on a tub of vanilla icecream.

He used a spoon to spread the desert on the inside of your thighs making you jump.

“that’s cold Sero,” you whined trying to close your legs. Sero caught you by the ankle and forced you to stay spread.

“Sorry Baby I told you I wasn’t going to be nice,” he said leaning down to lick your legs, by the time he was done with you, your thighs looked a lot like your chest, flushed and bitten raw. you were whimpering, your chest to hot and your legs too cold and overall badly needing Sero to just get on with it and make love to you already, you were getting desperate enough to beg.

“H-Hanta I-”

“I know you need me to fuck you already I can see how needy your puffy little pussy is getting,” he teased pressing down hard on your clit. you felt your cheeks heat with embarrassment. but the shame didn’t last long as Sero kept twisting your clit the pleasure came naturally.

“Hanta,” you moaned lightly gyrating your hips against his hand to get as much friction as you could. It was exhilarating not knowing where the next touch would come from. You felt his hot breath on your neck as he hesitated. your body tensed and Sero kissed you. his tongue darting out of his mouth to lick up the side of your throat.

His tongue was so warm and sweet against your skin you found yourself addicted to the feeling. The combination of his mouth on your neck and his fingers working your clit had you moaning.

Then two of his fingers dipped inside of you swirling your insides before quickly pulling them back out again.

“Open your mouth baby,” he prompted and pushed his fingers in your mouth the moment you parted your lips for him. you wrapped your tongue around his fingers tasting the wetness that clung to them and feeling the rough calluses on the pads of his digits.

“do you like the taste of yourself baby? aren’t you the most delicious thing in the world?” he asked slowly pumping his fingers in and out of your mouth letting you get them nice and wet with your saliva.

you could only moan around his hand to agree. Suddenly you felt something else proud your entrance, and the sound you ler out was more of a gasp than a moan.

“come on baby I know you can take something bigger than my fingers without choking,” he teased. “Be a good girl and suck on my fingers while I fuck you okay?” he breathed his cock sliding inside of you in one smooth stroke. you sucked on his fingers silently agreeing to do what he asked.

Sero kept moving his fingers in and out of your mouth feeling your tongue wrap around his didgits. slowly his hips matched the pace so he was fucking your cunt and mouth at the same time.

You felt so good wrapped around his cock, you looked so good drooling on his fingers, there was no way Sero was going to last long.

“I’m going to cum,” he warned “I’m going to fill your pussy up with so much cum you won’t know what to do with yourself princess,” he sighed snapping his hips down even harder before stopping entirely as he came, his seed filling you up, he watched the cum drip ouf of you once he pulled out. he pulled his drool coated fingers and moved it to your clit.

You hadn’t cum yet, but that was alright, after all he still had a lot of food to get through still.

#sero x reader #sero x reader smut #sero x you #imagine sero #imagine sero smut #sero #Sero Hanta #sero hanta x reader

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chilly-territory · 5 years

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Uchouten Kazoku 2, chapter 1 (part 1 out of 3)

And this is the more interesting thing I mentioned.

The Eccentric Family: The Nidaime's Homecoming (Uchouten Kazoku: Nidaime no Kichou) by Morimi Tomihiko

Chapter 1 (part 1/3, pages 7-29) The Nidaime's Homecoming

There is nothing to do except to live an amusing life.

First, how about setting to do just that.

I'm what you would call a tanuki living in modern Kyoto, but too proud to be a mere tanuki, I admire tengu from afar and love imitating humans. There is no doubt this trouble-inviting disposition is something that has been passed down from our distant ancestors through generations, and my late father referred to it as our 'idiot blood'.

My father, Shimogamo Souichirou, was known far and wide in the city of Kyoto and its surroundings as the Nise-emon [*1], that is, the head of Kyoto's tanuki society, and even tengu respected him. If Souichirou had been a tanuki possessing just a little more good sense, he wouldn't have ended up in humans' tanuki hot pot as a result of picking a fight with the Kurama tengu. However, he was able to leave numerous legends behind precisely because he was a phenomenal idiot who danced on the brink of a pot.

"My idiot blood's doing," he used to say.

I came into this world as the third son of said Nise-emon, Shimogamo Souichorou, in the Tadasu forest.

A genius shows from childhood, they say, and I showed myself as a perfectly healthy and furry problem child of the tanuki world even before being able to stand steadily on my four paws. Starting with my attempt to smoke out Hesoishi-sama[*2] of Rokkakudou with pine needles, I bizarrely changed into anything and everything, from a bottle opener to mounted peacekeepers[*3], and meddled in tengu and humans' affairs alike, having bought a lot of displeasure as Yasaburou the reckless lad. However, as a tanuki in whose veins the idiot blood inherited from my father flows, how else could I live? There is no path for me other than that of a fool.

In other words, an amusing thing is a good thing.

And thus, I begin this furry tale that started on a certain day in May when spring was in full bloom in Kyoto, spreading fresh smiling greenery to all the 36 peaks of the Higashiyama mountains where I, a tanuki, lived an amusing life, as always.

〇

Ever since being a baby tanuki, I'd always loved May that never failed to get my idiot blood bubbling with excitement.

The forest puffing out with vibrant new leaves resembles a tanuki, don't you think?

On that day, I exited the Tadasu forest, humming to myself as I walked along the riverside of the Kamogawa river with the spring breeze streaming around me. Having shapeshifted into a gorgeous woman with blond hair and blue eyes, I took no small pride in my skin-deep beauty, parading myself along the Kamogawa river and bewitching the living daylights out of some idiot students passing by.

My destination was a certain apartment in the apartment building Masugata just behind the Demachi shopping district.

Despite the refreshing spring breeze sweeping through every back alley and street of Kyoto, that shabby apartment stayed gloomy like a stale permanently laid-out bedding never left out to air.

In that apartment lived a life of alternating lulls and explosions of rage Akadama-sensei, an elderly semi-retired tengu. Having an imposing name of Nyoigadake Yakushibou[*4], he used to be a great tengu ruling over the whole Mt.Nyoigadake in the past. However, having suffered defeat in the turf war against the Kurama tengu, he was exiled to behind the Demachi shopping arcade, becoming a shadow of his former self, his dignity as a tengu vanishing like mist.

"Hello, hello, sensei, it is I, Yasaburou, and I humbly came to call on you."

When I called out to the back of the four and a half tatami mat room, "Oh, it's you, Yasaburou," came an answer in a displeased voice.

"Oh, sensei, are you in ill humor today, again?" "I never once have been in good humor since taking my first bath as a baby." "Here you go again saying such things... better take a look here: a beautiful girl is here for you. Please behold this hair, golden like the finest Miwa soumen[*5]." "Don't flaunt your cheap shapeshifting tricks before me, they make me sick!!

Leaving the foodstuff in the kitchen, I entered the four-and-a-half-tatami mat room and found sensei sitting cross-legged on the laid-out futon in stains from Akadama port wine and scowling at a stone on a zabuton of gold brocade. It was a pebble about as big as a human’s clenched fist, gray and completely ordinary.

"Ohh, if it isn’t the keystone of the tengu hot pot!" I said. "As long as they have this, even a complete fool like you can make a hot pot." "...What a mean thing to say."

To make a tengu hot pot you fill a pot with water, add tofu, kujo green onions, Chinese cabbage and some chicken meat, then throw in that stone that sensei had and let it all boil. It's delicious if you eat it with seasoned ponzu, but without the keystone, you won't get the flavor of the authentic tengu hot pot even if you use the same ingredients. That keystone was truly a priced possession and a seasoned veteran that had been wandering from one hot pot to another in Japanese cuisine restaurants of Kyoto for a long time, and each time it was thrown into a hot pot, it would ooze the umami of countless hot pots. Another stone was entrusted to a traditional Japanese restaurant near Koudaiji temple and was currently in the process of ripening.

Although, in Akadama-sensei's opinion, since the tengu hot pot was a recipe that implied cooking in deep mountain valleys, making the authentic tengu hot pot without letting the clear air of mountains dissolve in it was impossible in the first place. Making it in this apartment where the only things that could dissolve in it were dust and tanuki hair would only result in a poor imitation no matter what you did. Though if served said result, sensei would still eat it with appetite - tengu were really troublesome creatures like that.

"I humbly thank you," I said, accepting the keystone with appropriate reverence and heading to the kitchen to start preparations for a hot pot. "Yasaburou, tell me, are you still into hunting the likes of tsuchinoko?" "Would you like to come along, too, sensei? I plan to head to Nyoigadake tomorrow."

When I suggested that, sensei only snorted from his small four-and-a-half-tatami mat room, "What foolishness. You take after Souichirou in all the silly ways."

〇

By the time we'd almost finished eating the hot pot, the sun outside had already set.

I patted my full tummy, while Akadama-sensei puffed on his tengu tobacco, looking quite satisfied. The ascending trail of purple smoke drifted around the conical shade of the lamp like a tiny dragon.

"Days sure have gotten longer, wouldn't you say, sir?" "Another tedious day I've lived through." "By the way, sir, have you received any letters from Benten-sama?" I asked, and sensei threw a suspicious sidelong glance my way. "And why would you want to know that?" "Why won't you tell me, sir?" "What a persistent little scrub. How is my correspondence with Benten any business of yours?"

Benten was Akadama-sensei's beloved disciple whom he had educated in the ways of tengu with utmost care.

With her tengu-like raw power Benten overwhelmed authentic tengu, with her beautiful face she bewitched humans, and with her repulsive habit of eating tanuki hot pots she made Kyoto's tanuki shudder in fear of her. Who could have imagined back when Akadama-sensei had abducted her as she trotted along the bank of Lake Biwa that she would come to the fore so rapidly?

The one who incited me to help her trap Akadama-sensei and subsequently made him fall, ultimately causing his ruin, was also Benten. And not only that: she also made my father into a tanuki hot pot and ate him, and she never left attempts to do the same to me at every opportunity. Despite all of that, she was my first love, so it was complicated. "Is it that bad that I'm a tanuki?" I asked her. "Of course. I am a human, after all," she replied. Every time I recalled that conversation, the fur on my butt felt itchy.

It was dazzling April when Benten declared that she would cross the ocean.

I heard of that on one early morning when I was taking a stroll along the Kamogawa riverside together with Benten who leaped from one sakura tree in full bloom on the bank to another, indulging in a cruel game of shaking off all the petals from them without leaving a single one. "Why? What brought this on so suddenly?" I asked as I chased her in the storm of sakura petals. Seated on the top branch of a sakura tree that was left completely naked, she gazed with amusement at the petals dancing in the air and falling to the bank. "Well, I'm bored," was all she said.

"Yasaburou, make sure you take care of sensei for me. I might write a letter if I feel like it."

After spectacularly scattering sakura petals in Kyoto, she proceeded to use her charm on a tycoon in the port of Kobe to board a luxury liner, embarking on a round-the-world cruise. Akadama-sensei was only informed of Benten's departure after the ship had already set sail and when it was already too late to chase after her even if he tried.

Since having departed on her voyage impressively without any money she had yet to come back.

Occasional letters from Benten were the only consolation to sensei's heart. The fact that Benten, of all people, took troubles to write letters already being a reason enough for deep gratitude notwithstanding, those letters clearly lacked in effort so much that it was plain to see coldheartedness oozing from between their lines: even if she wrote something, it was but a couple of lines at best and simply the symbols of 〇 or X at worst. Despite that, Akadama-sensei, always sincerely looking forward to such letters, would read the few lines with meticulous attention, as if licking each of them, then carefully store the letter in a Chinese jewel-box and cherish it as if it were an imperial treasure from the Shousouin treasure house[*6]. One of the reasons why I made a habit of duly visiting sensei's apartment on a regular basis was because I hoped to snatch an opportunity when sensei would be drunk off his gourd to read Benten's letters.

Staring into the now empty pot, Akadama-sensei groaned, "Benten, plague take her, appears to be in England at the moment. Curse her for going to such a remote place."

Sensei fished out the Earth's globe out of a pile of junk, spun it and found England. "What, it's this tiny little thing?" he commented. "To hell with this world pleasure tour, she's just wasting her talent, much to my chagrin! Even though what she should be doing is devoting all her energy to walking the path of sorcery and someday succeeding her mighty master, that is I." "I wonder what she is doing there right about now." "Hmph. Probably eating some English tanuki, I would bet. Wouldn't you?"

When asked that, I recalled the words of my lovely natural enemy, 'Because I love you so much that I would eat you.' My idiot blood that made me look forward to the return of my natural enemy who betrayed her teacher, devoured my father and tried to eat me was frankly too much of a nuisance even to myself.

"You look lonely, Yasaburou." Sensei stared intensely at me. "All because Benten's not around. Bull's eye, right?" "Ahaha. I have no idea what you are talking about, sir." "You never learn your place, do you. Don't think she'd show any mercy to the likes of tanuki," sensei said, plucking his nose hair. "...But if you want to jump into a pot of your own volition, I won't stop you."

〇

That spring, I was obsessed with hunting tsuchinoko.

In the world of humans, there is a saying 'An idle brain of a small man is the devil's workshop'. It means that if a fool has more time on his hands than he knows what to do with, nothing good will come out of it. In the world of tanuki, there is a similar proverb, 'An idle brain of a small tanuki is the devil's workshop'. So let's just say that according to worldly wisdom, even the world itself would be better off if I searched for tsuchinoko rather than cooked up the devil's work for him. Initially, I started my tsuchinoko hunt because of my late father's influence, but there is no doubt that said father of mine was so in frenzy to search for tsuchinoko in his youth because he had trouble finding outlets for his buzzing idiot blood.

The term 'tsuchinoko' refers to a strange very short but wide type of serpent, a UMA with an ancient origin that was featured in the Illustrated Sino-Japanese Encyclopedia[*7] under the name of 'Nozuchi snake'. Even long before I was born, the fever of trying to find this cryptid had invaded the tanuki world. The rumor has it that in the times of my father's Sturm und Drang youth, 80% of his ventures was spent on tsuchinoko-related adventuring. The root of that passion for the romanticized dream was, without a doubt, the idiot blood flowing in our veins, and there were even tanuki in our family who ruined themselves over tsuchinoko.

However, my mother couldn't be farther from understanding the appeal of the nigh unattainable dream that tsuchinoko represented.

"That tsuchinoko of yours, is it anything like takenoko[*8]?" she asked. "Not in the least, mother." "But it's edible, at least?"

When I showed her a drawing of how tsuchinoko was supposed to look, "Oh, so it's just a weird little snake. I bet its meat is all tough," she declared. My mother was insistent on seeing tsuchinoko only as food. "Not tasty. Not tasty at all!" "I keep telling you I'm not going to eat it." "If you're not going to eat it, then why search for it?" "I guess the romance of hunting for a dream goes beyond your understanding, mother." "Come to think of it, I seem to remember that Sou-san also searched for that thing when he was young. It's so exasperating, really. Weird little tanuki do get fixated on weird little things!"

With that, my mother shapeshifted into a handsome young man and headed off to the Takarazuka Revue[*9].

As to me, I tried inviting my second elder brother dwelling on the bottom of a water well in Rokudo-chinouji temple to join my tsuchinoko hunt. But my brother said, "Even supposing we did find tsuchinoko, I'd wind up getting swallowed whole. Because, you know, it's a snake, and I'm a frog." I couldn't argue with that.

At the time, my eldest brother was very busy, often going to Nanzenji temple. All because he was moving behind the scene to revive the Nanzenji Temple Tanuki Shogi Tournament that the previous head of the temple and our father had collaborated to hold in the past. Shogi was our father's hobby, but then again, so was tsuchinoko. My eldest brother, however, had a tendency to place more cultural importance on shogi than on tsuchinoko hunting. "Stop chasing around something as dubious as tsuchinoko," he started lecturing, which made inviting him out of question.

In the end, I organized the Tsuchinoko Expedition Team with my not exactly eager younger brother Yashirou as its other member. The founding leader was our father, I was the second generation leader, and team member number 1 became my younger brother. We were on the lookout for a team member number 2 in and around the city of Kyoto.

〇

The next day after my paying a visit to Akadama-sensei, our Tsuchinoko Expedition Team set out, infiltrating the forest from the Shishigatani valley and proceeding to wander around the foot of Mt.Nyoigadake. The forest wearing fresh green swelled like a sponge that absorbed clear water, with the wind, nice and cool at its core, rustling between the numerous pillars of light shining through new leaves.

"Nii-chan, it smells like spring, right?" "Hey, keep your eyes peeled. We have no idea where it might be hiding." "But, nii-chan, I have to wonder if tsuchinoko really exists." "It's precisely because we don't know for sure if it exists or not that it makes this dream-hunting worthwhile."

Since tsuchinoko is a UMA steeped in mysteries, for its capture one must employ equally mysterious techniques, or so my pet theory went. Going about it the normal way wouldn't work, as there could be no doubt that all the obvious methods had already been tried by someone. The approach that looked to me like it could be useful was summed up by 'If you do this, what would happen?' So we set a trap of a gourd filled with cheap sake and a hard-boiled egg sprinkled with some Ajinomoto salt[*10] in the shade of a tree. We also documented in a field notebook any suspicious traces we had found in the forest.

Although I hatched a plan to teach my younger brother the beauty of tsuchinoko hunting and eventually raise him into a proper member of my team, all he did was going on and on on the bothersome subject of electromagnetism, not showing the least bit of interest in the dream adventure that tsuchinoko represented and that was happening right at the moment. As the last straw, he finally took out a reference book from his clasp-adorned pouch-shaped backpack and started reading it while walking, like a veritable Ninomiya Sontoku[*11] for all the world. If only he spared just one percent of that enthusiasm and directed it toward tsuchinoko hunting... Seemingly completely oblivious to that earnest wish of mine, my kid brother, "Nii-chan, genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration," had the gull to throw Edison's famous quote at me.

"That's wrong, Yashirou. Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% foolishness." "Then when do you work hard?" "...You just wait for your destiny." "But, nii-chan, I don't think that's the way to live." "You cheeky little Edison!" I started teasing, when the forest's trees suddenly stirred, as if jolted by an invisible giant.

And then, the whooshing sound as if the very air was being rent asunder started getting closer.

"Something's flying our way, it's dangerous!"

The moment I hugged my brother's head and bent over, covering him, something came flying in from the sky, tearing through the canopy of fresh leaves and crossing over above us. Sunlight filtering through the trees swayed furiously, and torn off leaves rained all around us. Then, with a sharp thud reverberating in the pit of my stomach, everything went quiet.

We cautiously lifted our heads.

Right above us, in the top branches of a large tree covered with new green, there was stuck a velvet-covered chaise. Its red velvet sparked most bewitchingly in the light streaming through the leaves.

"Nii-chan, could it be a tengu stone?" my little brother murmured.

〇

Tanuki called the phenomenon of unlikely things falling from the sky 'tengu throwing stones'.

Be it tengu's prank or simply them accidentally dropping their possessions, among all kinds of things that rained from the sky in the past were, for example, fuda talismans, small gold koban coins, wine casks and colored carps. My mother said that when she was still little, cotton candy fell from the sky near Sajoukobashi bridge, and near Mt.Funaokayama there resided a tanuki collector of tengu stones who even eventually opened a private museum for exhibiting them. Back when Akadama-sensei was still active and flying through the sky, there was a time when he rounded up all of his tanuki apprentices and sent them on a search for something he had dropped.

Since a few days ago, the topic of some modern-looking tengu stones falling from the sky became a hotly discussed subject, and I was aware of it.

Said stones were all diverse and truly gorgeous articles, like silver tableware polished to a shine, a seasoned violin fit for a maestro musician, a bathtub with metal legs and Persian carpets that looked ready to fly through the sky, among others. A custom tracing back to the Edo period stated that so long as tengu didn't come out and claim ownership, a tengu stone would come in possession of the one who picked it up, so you could see why Kyoto's tanuki were so excited about the recent fallings.

In accordance with tanuki's finders keepers rule, this velvet chaise was to become the Shimogamo family's possession.

My brother and I went through quite a bit of trouble getting said chaise off the tree.

When I experimentally sat down on its red velvet, my behind experienced such fluffiness that I had this majestic feeling as if I was a guest of honor in an ancient and honorable Western-style house. Even the faint moldy waft in the air smelled classy to me. That was enough to make even us sons of a distinguished family ourselves let loose a sigh of admiration.

"The level of comfort is too high, so high, in fact, that it feels like my butt's disappeared on me," opined my little brother with seriousness. "This is amazing. It's probably what antique is." "Mother will be pleased if we bring this home." "Very well. Starting now, the Tsuchinoko Expedition Team will proceed to carry this chaise home. Team member number 1, take the chaise by the rear end at once." "Roger!"

We lined on the both sides of the chaise with it held between us and, with a great deal of effort, proceeded along the foot of Nyoigadake. The grand chaise clearly boasting historical weight was just as grandly weighty physically, proving to be a heavy load for the slender arms of modern tanuki kids lacking in strength. "Nii-chan, my arms are all tingling," voiced a feeble complaint my kid brother. "They're tingling because this is a tingling mountain," said I. "That's lies, this is Mt.Nyoigadake," he rebuked, and I laughed.

After a while, my brother murmured uneasily, "Nii-chan, won't we get yelled at for coming all the way here to search for tsuchinoko?" "And who's gonna yell at us?" "Isn't this the Kurama tengu-samas's turf?" "As if we could search for tsuchinoko if we were worried about some guys like the Kurama tengu! Besides, the whole area around Mt.Nyoigadake is our Akadama-sensei's turf to begin with. Although he was ousted from here in a tengu turf war, sensei's still greater than the Kurama lot. Those Kurama tengu are just small timers compared to Akadama-sensei." "'Small timers', huh?"

All of a sudden, the chaise got heavier, unbearably so. It didn't so much as budge when I pulled. "Yashirou, are you holding it up properly on your end?" I asked and when I tried to take a look over my shoulder, a voice resembling an owl's hooting at night said near my ear, "Hoou hou". The moment a cold breath trickling against the side of my head sent a chill down my spine, I got seized by the neck.

"You've got quite the mouth on you, little punk. What parts are you tanuki from?"

A man in a blackish business suit swooped down on the chaise's armrest and grabbed me by the neck.

I ducked my head before saying, "Oh my, oh my, if it isn't a Kurama tengu-sama. How are you doing this fine day?"

〇

I and my little brother were escorted by that Kurama tengu to the site of bonfire lighting taking place during the Daimonji festival[*12]. The transformation of my brother whose balls shrunk up literally and figuratively came undone, and he reverted back to his tanuki form, then got seized by the scruff like a cat.

Back when Akadama-sensei ruled over Nyoigadake and its surroundings like he owned them, he used to parade his tanuki apprentices around calling it 'practical drills'. Sometimes he took us as far as Mt.Iwayasan or Lake Takaragaike, but generally we would wander around Nyoigadake that was sensei's own backyard. On this site of Daimonju bonfire lighting, the tanuki would shapeshift into the Genji and Heike clans and wage an imitation Genpei war [*13], so it brought back memories.

"This way, follow me."

Like the Kurama tengu arrogantly ordered, I began climbing the slop dotted with fire pits for lighting the bonfires that formed the 大 'dai' character.

Looking back as I trod on the young green grass, I saw the brightly-colored townscape of the Kyoto city expanding below against the backdrop of the mist-covered sky. This canvas was truly a sight worthy of a tengu to behold.

On the slope halfway up the mountain, there stood a red and white stripped parasol like what you'd find at an ice-cream stand by the poolside, and under it 4 Kurama tengu, encircling a round table, were engrossed in playing hanafuda [*14]. Among them were those who wore a business suit complete with a tie in a proper and neat fashion, as well as those who popped a vein in their temples and rolled up their sleeves. Every time they threw the cards on the table, a jingling sound could be heard as if small coins were being scattered. After all, tengu were hot-tempered creatures, and when they got into a game too much, they would end up tearing or biting hanafuda more often than not. For that reason, the tengu hanafuda cards were made of steel.

The tengu that brought us called out to one of his companions, "Hoou hou, Reizanbou."

The one to answer him was a tengu in a white dress shirt and sunglasses.

"Hoou hou, Tamonbou. Why did you bring the likes of tanuki here?" "They were saying insulting things about us, and I thought it can't be allowed to pass." "I see. Indeed, it's our job to educate tanuki, after all. So, what kind of insults were they throwing?" "'The Kurama tengu are just small timers', according to them."

The Kurama tengu, seated at the round table, burst out laughing, still clutching the hanafuda in hand. That tengu laughter massed together like an ominous dark cloud and took flight, riding the wind blowing across the slope.

These Kurama tengu were the same ones who once upon a time ousted Akadama-sensei and occupied Nyoigadake, that is, five out of the ten retainers under direct command of Kuramayama Soujoubou. They were Reizanbou, Tamonbou, Teikinbou, Getsurinbou and Nichirinbou [*15], but they all were so alike like acorns from the same tree that it was impossible to tell which was which by looking. It was no wonder that during the meetings on Mt.Atagoyama, Akadama-sensei never passed up an opportunity to ridicule them by saying 'Look at 'em mountain acorns putting on airs'.

Groveling on the firebed as the spring breeze swept over me, I said, "I humbly stand before you sirs as the third son of Shimogamo Souichirou, Yasaburou. And this is my little brother Yashirou." "Famous! Famous!" the Kurama tengu cheered, their hanafuda jingling.

"So you're Yasaburou, of the Shimogamos, huh!" "He's Benten-san's favorite, apparently," "Wait, wait, wasn't there a fool of a tanuki by the name Souichirou who fell into a pot?" "Oh, I remember that tanuki!" "He was a tanuki who never knew his place. All because Yakushibou spoiled him rotten," "That senile old fool was always like that. All pleased and self-satisfied with being worshiped by the likes of tanuki," the Kurama tengu were saying audaciously one over another.

The sunglasses guy, Reizanbou, bit on his paper-roll cigarette and sneered, "Yakushibou sure is a lucky fool. No matter how low he falls, tanuki still keep taking care of him. We'll look after Nyoigadake and the area around it, so tell him to bite the dust with an easy heart for me."

"With all due respect, please allow me to humbly explain."

With this, I got up and started spouting sophistry in a rapid fire torrent.

"I will not deny that I called the Kurama tengu-samas 'small timers'. But it seems the Kurama tengu-samas, living the lofty life of rightful kings of the skies, are not aware of the finer nuances of lowly tanuki's speech. The thing is, our tanuki language tends to adapt to keep up with the times and words change their meanings accordingly. So the term 'small timer', formerly one of slight used to refer to someone unimportant or petty and small like an acorn, nowadays means pretty much the opposite, that is, 'great', 'mature in style' and 'gentlemanly', thus having turned into a wonderful compliment. So as you see by no means tanuki mock you sirs esteemed Kurama tengu-samas."

The Kurama tengu kept their silence, too dumbfounded for words, only their hanafuda jiggled quietly. When Reizanbou pulled down his sunglasses, his upturned eyes were laughing.

"I see, that's one curious tanuki all right." "A too damn talkative tanuki, for sure, never knowing when to shut up, and I don't like that," said Tamonbou, grabbed my furry little brother by the neck and hoisted him up high in the air. "Well then, well then, I wonder just how far will this one fly if we throw him?"

Suddenly, the Kurama tengu looked energetic and pumped up, the hanafuda plinking and chinking.

"Let's make bets on whether he'll make it over the Kamogawa river or not!" "This is much more fun than playing hanafuda!" "What should we bet? A mountain? A valley?"

In the past, my father, Nise-emon Shimogamo Shoichirou, shapeshifted into Mt.Nyoigadake itself and gave the Kurama tengu, who were picking on our master, the scare of their lives. It became known as the scandal of fake Nyoigadake - a glorious example of recklessness deserving place not only in the chronicles of the Shimogamo family but also in history of the whole tanuki world. However, what was a historic triumph for our household, to the Kurama tengu was none other than a historic stain on their name, and it was partly for defying Kurama that my father ended up falling into the Friday Fellows Club's pot.

A wise tanuki would learn from this anecdotal story and get through their skull that defying tengu would bring nothing but harm upon them. After all, tengu were made to bully tanuki. And bullying was what made them tengu.

"What's the matter, Yasaburou?" asked Reizanbou. "Got anything to say?" "With all due respect, sir, when my kid brother is bullied, my seizures start acting up..." "Seizures? What are seizures?" "Uuugh, it's no use. Kurama tengu-sama, please watch out!"

I got on all fours, groaning all the while, and inflated my body. Tightening your butthole and psyching yourself up was the secret to shapeshifting into something big. In the blink of an eye, my four feet became massive like the columns of the Parthenon, and my swelling back turned white as if smeared with mortar coating. My nose grew in length, rapidly extending toward the blue sky above. I had shapeshifted into a white elephant.

The Kurama tengu had to have some bitter memories about white elephants after being chased about by one in the past when my father tempted them into coming to Nyoigadake. While their attention was distracted by the resurfacing humiliating memories, my kid brother took advantage of their momentary confusion and, by twisting and turning, slipped out of Tamonbou's hold, then proceeded to make his escape by rolling down the slope like a true tsuchinoko.

"Stop it, stop it, Yasaburou. What foolishness." Reizanbou grimaced in displeasure. "We're not fond of elephants. Return to your former form at once. Or else..."

It was at that moment that a travel suitcase that came flying in at a terrifying speed from the direction of the far away western sky crashed right into Reizanbou's face. Truly a blow from Heaven. As if dragged along by Reizanbou who got knocked over without another word, the rest of the Kurama tengu fell to the ground one after another, their parasol blown away, hanafuda jingling uselessly.

"Baon baon, what happened?"

Raising my long trunk, I gazed toward the western sky.

The one who came flying down as if smoothly gliding from the spring sky was an English gentleman.

T/N:

[*1] Nise-emon (偽右衛門): the 2nd season subs translated the title as the Trick Magister. 'Nise' means imitation, fake, phony, in other words has to do with tricking people which is what tanuki are good at. [*2] Hesoishi of Rokkakudou (六角堂のへそ石): the 2st season subs translated Hesoishi (lit. Bellybutton Stone) as the Center Stone because that hexagonal stone is supposed to represent the very center of Kyoto and the temple where it's located is called the Chouhouji or Rokkakudou (lit. Hexagonal temple) [*3] Mounted peacekeepers (平安騎馬隊): a mounted unit of Kyoto Prefectural Police that was established in 1994 to commemorate 1200 years since the relocation of the capital (jp wiki) [*4] Nyoigadake Yakushibou (如意ヶ嶽薬師坊): Nyoigadake (alternative reading is Nyoigatake, but the novel specifically gives the reading 'Nyoigadake') is a mountain that's part of the Higashiyama mountain range. Mt.Daimonji (that's part of the Gozan no Okuribi festival shown in the anime) is part of Nyoigadake. Yakushibou is a given name ('yakushi' is archaic 'doctor' and -bou you'd be seeing again as it's a suffix for male tengu names) [*5] Miwa soumen (三輪素麺): fine white noodles, a local specialty produced in the Miwa region, said to be the birthplace of soumen noodles, of Nara prefecture with the center in the Sakurai city. (jp wiki) [*6] Imperial treasures of the Shousouin (正倉院御物): wiki [*7] Illustrated Sino-Japanese Encyclopedia aka Wakan Sansai Zue (和漢三才図会): is the first Japanese illustrated encyclopedia published in 1712 in Edo (wiki) [*8] Tsuchiko and takenoko (bamboo shot) share the same word-building pattern, namely take-no-ko (lit.a child of bamboo) and tsuchi-no-ko (lit.a child of soil) [*9] Takarazuka Revue (宝塚歌劇団): a theater troupe based near Kyoto and famous for women playing all roles, including male ones, and flamboyant costumes and such (wiki) We saw Tousen imitate them as the 'Prince in Black' in the 1st season. [*10] Ajinomoto (味の素): a food corporation most famous for its so-called Chinese salt (wiki) [*11] Ninomiya Sontoku (二宮尊徳): a 19th century reformer and economic thinker who is typically depicted as a boy walking with a bundle of firewood on his back while reading a book. You can frequently find his statues at Japanese elementary schools as an exemplar of diligence and studiousness. [*12] Daimonji festival (大文字) or Gozan no Okuribi (五山送り火): depicted twice in the anime (wiki) [*13] Genpei War (源平合戦): a 12th century national civil war (wiki) [*14] Hanafuda (花札): lit. 'flower cards' (wiki) [*15] Reizanbou, Tamonbou, Teikinbou, Getsurinbou, Nichirinbou (霊山坊、多聞坊、帝金坊、月輪坊、日輪坊): -bou is a tengu male name suffix and the rest of their names mean literally 'spiritual or sacred mountain', 'all hearing', 'imperial gold', 'round moon' and 'round sun' respectively.

#uchouten kazoku 2 #uchouten kazoku nidaime no kichou

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joemerl · 5 years

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Writer’s Month, Day 15: “First Time”

Original fiction, specifically “the Werewolf WIP”

Word count: 2,052

Summary: The first time that Randall saw his dad turn into a wolf, and the first time that he joined him.

Warnings: Non-sexual nudity and childish humor about said non-sexual nudity.

Randall was six years old the first time that his father turned into a wolf.

It was scary. It happened at night. First Dad said how itchy he felt, then that he hurt all over, even inside with his bones and stuff. He had tried a hot shower, taking medicine, but soon he was crying out in pain, even crying. Mom followed him around anxiously and Curtis cried in the background.

Somehow or other, Dad’s frenzy caused him to stumble outside into the backyard, falling onto his hands and knees. He had only been wearing a towel from when he was in the shower, and that had fallen off, and then it had happened—he turned into a wolf.

At first Mom had screamed and run inside, slamming the sliding glass door, but wolf-Dad had put his nose against it, whining pitifully. Reluctantly she had let him in, and he wasn’t scary like the wolves that Randall had heard about in stories—he was shaking like he was scared, but he would cuddle up against them, and he licked Randall’s face and laid his head in Mom’s lap as she cried in fear and confusion.

On Sunday night, Dad figured out how to turn back. And a few days later he told Randall that a mean witch who lived nearby had cursed him, and now he was going to have to be a wolf for three days every week.

A few months later was Randall’s seventh birthday. And after that, Randall would start turning into a wolf too.

* * *

“And here we are,” Roger Packwood said, dropping his backpack as they reached a clearing in the forest. “What do you think?”

Randall shrugged, not sure what he was supposed to say.

“Yeah, silly question, isn’t it?” Roger grinned. “But this is a nice spot—the creek is right over that way, and nobody else ever comes this way. But what do we do if we see somebody?”

“Hide or slink away like your scared,” Randall said automatically.

“That’s right,” he said, ruffling his son’s hair. “Now come on. I’m gonna show you how to set up the tent.”

They did, and unpacked some blankets to give it a soft floor. Roger invited Randall to lay on them to test it out, and then took that moment of weakness to grab his son and begin to tickle him like crazy, only relenting when Randall laugh-screamed that he was about to wet himself. After that they stood outside the tent and said a prayer, asking God they would find food and be safe and healthy for the three days that they wouldn’t be able to pray out loud anymore.

Finally Roger showed him how to crouch down when the transformation happened. “Hands and feet, not hands and knees, you got it? It feels weird standing this way as a human, but your legs will get shorter when you turn into a wolf, alright?”

Randall nodded, then looked nervously up at the sky. It was a pretty assortment of pinks, indicating that it was almost sunset.

“Dad, is it scary being a wolf?”

“Oh, no,” Roger said, too quickly, as he rose to his feet. “It’s really fun! Remember what I told you about the hearing and the smells and everything?”

“Yeah,” Randall said. He smiled, hoping to reassure both his father and himself. “And I’m gonna have like, a wolf brain with my human brain?”

He sat down on the ground beside him. “Kind of. It’s more like—once you change, you automatically sort of know how to do some things, figure out your wolf senses and hunt and stuff. It’s hard to explain, but you’ll see how it works.”

“Am I gonna have to hunt?”

Roger shrugged. “You could go after a rabbit, if you like. But just watch me if I go after a deer or something, alright? That can be dangerous.”

“What if I don’t want to kill anything?”

“Then I’ll get dinner for us. But—well, we have to eat something.”

Randall was going to remind him that Mom used to give him raw hamburger to eat—back when he used to stay home to change—but he didn’t bother; he already knew that wolves at too much for them to afford that every week. It was one of the main reasons that Dad started going into the woods instead.

“Are we sure I’m gonna change?” he asked quietly.

“Well, that’s what—that’s what the witch said, so you probably will. If not, then you and I will just camp out together anyway, and I’ll keep you safe.” He reached out and tousled his son’s hair, earning a less forced grin for his effort. “Don’t be scared. Whatever happens, I’ll be here. Okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Roger glanced up at the sky again, then checked his cell phone. “Only a couple minutes left now. Now all we gotta do is take off our clothes.”

“Even our underwear?”

Roger smirked. “Wolves don’t wear underwear, do they? Don’t worry—there’s no one around but the two of us, okay? Hand me one of those bags.”

The pair undressed and each stuffed their clothes into a plastic grocery bag, which Roger stowed in the tent for when they would change back on Sunday. Randall was grinning sheepishly as he crawled back out.

“You look silly.”

“I look silly?” Roger made a show off placing his hands on his hips and bending down to his level. “Why’s that?”

“'Cause you’re naked!”

Roger looked down and feigned shock at this fact, quickly covering himself with his hands. “Well, you’re naked too!” he said, pointed.

Randall shrieked in mock horror and imitated his father.

“Butt naked!”

“BUTT NAKED!” Randall screamed, throwing back his head so that his voice echoed through the trees.

They both giggled like crazy, and Randall was relieved to feel his fears momentarily melt away. Talking to Mom about this made it all seem so scary; Dad always managed to make scary things fun. Even if memories of his first change still had Randall feeling nauseous.

“How much longer ‘til it happens?”

“Any minute now. And little cub?”

“Yeah?” Little cub was Dad’s new nickname for him. A cub was what a young wolf was called.

Roger put his hand on Randall’s shoulder. His smile was calm and reassuring.

“Remember what I said. You don’t need to be scared, because I’ll be with you the whole time. Alright?”

Randall nodded slowly, standing up a bit straighter and meeting his father’s gaze.

That was when it happened. Randall’s whole body gave a sort of flinch, he suddenly had a terrible tummy ache and his face itched like crazy. Only when he grabbed it on instinct did he feel the fur growing all over.

“Dad! It’s happening!”

His voice was panicked, and he only felt more scared when he turned—his father’s face was covered with fur that was the same dark red as his hair. Roger only smiled, however, even as it spread like a wave down his neck and onto his shoulders.

“Don’t worry, little cub. Now come on—hands and feet, remember?”

Randall nodded slowly and crouched down, even as his face contorted in a sudden grimace of pain. He was gasping for breath---he felt like he was going to throw up, except that the sick feeling was all over his body. His bones and stomach seemed to be moving inside of him, and the itchiness spread further as dark gray fur erupted from his chest and arms. He closed his eyes as he saw his fingers start to shrink and grow claws, while feeling the same thing happening to his toes as well.

“It hurts, Dad!”

“It won’t for long, little cub! Just aaaggghhh---”

Randall had one second to watch his father’s face contort before he felt the same thing happening to him, his mouth stretching out and shifting into a wolf’s long snout. Tears of pain came to his eyes as he felt new teeth grow in, pushing the old ones aside to make room. And then, finally, one last stab of pain in his lower back, followed by a strange sensation like a new, misshapen arm had grown there. He turned around and saw his tail, which thrashed around like it had a mind of its own.

After that the changes stopped, but Randall stood there panting even as he gazed down at his new form. He felt dizzy with all the new sensations that he could hear and smell, his four legs were shaking, his tail lowered and his fur bristled as he gazed around the dark clearing, which now looked as bright as noon—

A larger red wolf—his dad—cautiously approached and rubbed his face against Randall’s. Without thinking Randall nuzzled him back, whining. They stayed like that for a long moment until Randall slowly felt his muscles relax and most of his fear ebb away.

Thus began his first three days as a wolf. The two of them raced through the trees, swam in the creek and howled at the sky—Roger quite well, Randall in stuttering yips. They play-wrestled in the clearing just like they would roughhouse at home, except now they had claws and fangs to gently nip at each other. They slept cuddled together in the tent, which reminded Randall of the lazy afternoons when they would snuggle on the couch with the TV playing in the background.

On Friday Roger tried to kill a deer; it got away, so then he killed a rabbit for each of them instead. He showed Randall how to eat it, tearing open its skin and ripping out its insides with his teeth. The human part of Randall felt gross, but the wolf part eagerly goggled down the bloody meat. On Sunday he even caught a rabbit of his own, running over and snapping its neck in his jaws on instinct. He felt kind of bad about it, but his dad yipped in a way that made Randall feel strangely grown-up and proud.

Sundown on Sunday was when they were finally able to turn back. Roger dragged out his bag of clothes and transformed as he wrestled into them, then went to help Randall get dressed.

It didn’t hurt this time, but it felt strange. His snout melted back into a human face as Roger forced the shirt over his head, and he itched all over again as the hair retracted into his body. Randall pulled on his jeans with newly human hands, and his wolf legs reshaped to fit them, his feet doing the same when he put on his socks and shoes.

It was dark now. Randall sat there for a moment, feeling dazed, as Roger crept to their camping supplies and pulled out a lantern. “Come on,” he whispered, helping him to his feet. “Let’s take down the tent and go home.”

Randall nodded mutely as the two got to work.

A little while later they had hiked back to their car, packed up their supplies and climbed into the front seats. For a few seconds they sat there, neither making a move to buckle their seatbelts.

“So,” Roger said, trying to sound conversational, “what did you think?”

Randall wasn’t sure what he thought. “It was pretty fun,” he said finally.

“Yeah?” Roger sounded slightly desperate.

"Uh-huh. I liked playing with you, as a wolf.”

“I liked that too,” said Roger. “I’ve missed y’all,” he added, turning to stare out the windshield. “Ever since I started coming out here every week. Three days all alone, I spend the whole time just thinking about you boys and your mom...”

He trailed off. Randall looked up, trying to make out his expression in the dim light.

“We miss you too. Curtis always asks where you are---I keep trying to explain but I don’t know if he understands.”

“Yeah. But it---it was really nice, having you along this time,” Roger said. He turned to Randall, his smile broad but somehow sad. “And now---we’ll have three whole days together every week, won’t we? Even if we’re wolves, at least we’ll be together, huh?”

"Yeah!” Randall forced a smile, even though he still wasn’t sure how to feel. His father seemed happier, though, and he took a deep breath, pulling on his seatbelt.

“Come on. Let’s get home before your mom starts to worry.”

#WritersMonth2019 #Werewolves #Werewolf #The OTHER novel that I'm supposedly writing #Randall Packwood #Roger Packwood

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consulting-celiac-in-the-tardis · 5 years

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7+ Delicious Ways to Eat More Veggies with Every Meal

New blog post!

This post is generously sponsored by Spinato's.

When I was diagnosed with celiac disease, more changes happened to my diet than just going gluten free. Slowly but surely, my new dietary restrictions inspired me to experiment with more naturally gluten-free foods...which includes plenty of delicious vegetables. Before I knew it, I'd gone from a meat-and-potatoes kinda girl to a veggie addict! As a result, I can now honestly say that I enjoy eating vegetables and crave several servings of them every day. But I don't just eat raw broccoli and carrots! Instead, in the six years since my celiac diagnosis, I've found creative and yummy ways to incorporate more vegetables into my meals...and with help from Spinato's (home to some seriously ammmmazing certified gluten free broccoli crust pizza!), I'm sharing my top veggie hacks today! Because while I truly believe that everyone thrives on different foods and that "healthy eating" looks different for each person, I don't think most people can go wrong with adding a few more vegetables to their daily eats.

So whether you're looking for sneaky ways to up your kid's veggie intake this coming school season or you just want more creative ideas for delicious gluten free meals, keep reading to learn about 7+ easy and delicious ways you can eat more vegetables with every meal of the day!

Breakfast:

When I was in high school, some of my typical breakfasts were cinnamon raisin bagels slathered in peanut butter or a protein bar eaten in the car on the ride to school. And while those certainly aren't bad options, my breakfasts nowadays are a lot more veggie-heavy. But you might not even realize that upon first glance! Because here's the thing: I'm not a savory breakfast kinda gal. When I wake up, I want something sweet...but that doesn't have to keep me from getting in some veggies and greens. And if you follow me on Instagram, you can probably guess one of my favorite ways to eat more vegetables with breakfast: smoothie bowls!

Veggie Hack #1: Get Sneaky with Smoothie Bowls

In fact, one of the best things about smoothies is that, depending on the ingredients and ratios you use, you can pack them full with vegetables and just taste the sweetness of banana or whatever fruits you included as well. Some of my favorite vegetables to include in smoothie bowls are:

Zucchini and squash, steamed and frozen ahead of time to help with digestion. These are my go-to veggies to use if you want a tummy-friendly smoothie that is super thick and creamy but lower in sugar thanks to these additions. And I promise - you don't taste the zucchini or yellow squash at all, especially when paired with flavorful ingredients like berries or cacao powder.

Cauliflower, steamed and frozen. If your stomach can handle cauliflower in larger quantities, this is one Instagram trend you'll fall in love with.

Leafy greens, like spinach (which has a very mild flavor) or iceberg, kale, etc. if you don't mind tasting those greens more obviously.

Veggie Hack #2: Add Zucchini to Oats or Porridge

If you wake up craving a warm breakfast but still want something sweet and secretly full of veggies, zoats (also known as "zucchini oats") are another delicious option! I have made my zoats with zucchini and yellow squash, just grated and squeezed to remove the extra moisture. As I've shared in recipes like this one, you can also use alternative porridge grains like quinoa flakes, buckwheat flakes, or chia seeds if you can't tolerate gluten free oats. You can enjoy your zoats cold (and soaked overnight instead of being cooked) or warm, but if you're trying to hide the texture of zucchini, cooked is the better option. I often prep and soak my zoats the night before and then just warm them up in the microwave until everything is soft and gooey that morning!

Snacks

My snacks have also changed since I've started to enjoy eating more vegetables. While I still love my protein bars, I often end up having something homemade or fresh instead...and many of my favorite snacks - as you can guess from the topic of this post! - involve some raw or cooked vegetables.

Veggie Hack #5: Top Rice Cakes with Guac and Veggies

This tip is as simple as the name suggests. I know a lot of people enjoy rice cakes with peanut butter and jelly or other sweet toppings, but I'm also a big fan of putting on a layer of guac, avocado, hummus or pesto and adding some spinach, carrots, cucumbers or whatever other veggies I have on hand. If you love a crunchy snack, there's nothing better than this!

Veggie Hack #3: Dress Up Veggies with Homemade Dip

Now, I know I said that I didn't just eat raw broccoli and carrots (and these days, I rarely do at all!). However, when I do have a hankering for raw vegetables - especially during hot days when I don't want to turn on the oven to cook something - whipping up a quick homemade pesto or dip can make veggies a lot more of an interesting snack! Feel free to use whatever pesto recipe you enjoy, but my go-to lately has involved a mix of several handfuls of spinach, a few tablespoons of hemp seeds, a squeeze of lemon, heavy sprinkles of oregano and thyme, and enough chicken or vegetable stock (for extra flavor!) to get the pesto to mix in my mini blender.

If raw veggies aren't your thang, you can also roast some and keep them in the fridge for snacking and lunch and dinners (which we'll get to shortly!). One of my favorite pairings with pesto is roasted sweet potato rounds. Just cut a sweet potato up into small coins, place them on a lined baking tray (no oil required) and cook at 425 for 25-30 minutes or until caramelized and soft.

Veggie Hack #4: Replace Oil and Sugar with Veggies in Homemade Granola

If you've checked out my gluten free granola recipes before, you already know that I rarely ever bake mine with oil or refined sugars. Instead, I get all the clumps and sweetness from pureed fruits and grated zucchini and squash. I know it might sound a bit crazy at first, but you don't taste the vegetables at all and they help make the granola extra clustery and chewy. Plus, if you make granola with turmeric, yellow squash and banana, it'll be hard for anyone to notice the squash in the mix!

Lunch and Dinner

Now, the grand finale - how to add more vegetables into your lunches and dinners!

Veggie Hack #6: Cook and Freeze Certain Vegetables and Homemade Fries Ahead of Time

As I already mentioned in the snacks section, roasting vegetables ahead of time so that they're ready when you want to eat is a serious game-changer. I'd also encourage you to experiment with different spices (I'm partial to thyme and oregano) and methods of cooking (for example, baking at a super high temperature for a bit of burnt edges on your broccoli or covering your tray of veggies with tin foil so that they actually steam in the oven) to see what ways taste best to you.

Another trick I've learned over my six years of veggie-loving: certain vegetables can handle being frozen and reheated later on for an extra easy serving of vegetables. For example, I often cook an entire spaghetti squash and freeze one half so that I can take out the frozen spaghetti squash the night before, stick in the oven to reheat for a few minutes, and dive in extra quickly later on. And if you love fries but haven't ever made your own, now is the time! There are tons of easy recipes out there, and I've had success cooking big batches of fries, letting them cool, and then freezing them in sealed bags. When I want fries later, I just throw a handful of frozen fries in the oven on high for a few minutes, and wala! Quicker than fast food!

Veggie Hack #7: Take Advantage of Delicious, Secretly Veggie-Packed Alternatives to Your Favorite Foods

And now for one of my favorite vegetables hack lately. I already mentioned that this post is in partnership with Spinato's...and if you're trying to eat more vegetables this year, Spinato's certified gluten-free broccoli crust pizza is about to become your new BFF!

I knew I was in for a treat as soon as I got my first boxes of Spinato's; even without opening the box or cooking the pizzas, the scent of tomato sauce and spices got my mouth watering. Spinato's 10-inch broccoli crust pizza comes in four different flavors: Margherita; Aged Asiago, Romano & Mozzarella; Mediterranean Supreme; and Primavera. Besides being certified gluten free (something I LOVE seeing in foods I eat regularly!), Spinato's pizzas are free of MSG and trans fat, and packed with high-quality ingredients like hormone-free chicken sausage and vine-ripened tomatoes from local farms. One of the coolest parts? The Spinato family has been experimenting with pizza recipes and unique topping combos since 1974, so these pizzas are part of a delicious family legacy. As for my personal experience with these pizzas...first off, I loved how quickly you can cook them! Depending on what appliance you use, you can have your frozen pizza hot and ready in just 8 minutes. My pizza only took around 14 minutes in my oven, which makes Spinato's the perfect secret weapon to keep in my freezer for crazy busy school days this coming semester. And I definitely want to try grilling these pizzas one day, as the box suggests!

And now we get to the most important part: the taste. For the particular dinner in these photographs, I went with Spinato's Primavera pizza, which features zucchini, red onion, mushroom and red pepper. I added a lil' bit of greens and avocado (since those are my go-to pizza toppings!), and enjoyed evvery bite. I loved that the sauce, cheese and toppings were evenly dispersed throughout the whole pizza, and that the soft crust was balanced out by crunchy and chewy vegetables. I also enjoyed that the crust looked "normal" despite its broccoli base. If you served this to me without the box, I wouldn't have guessed the crust is packed with vegetables! My cooked pizza crust did come out of the oven feeling pretty soft and some of the pizza slices were messy to hold - especially since Spinato's pizza crust is pretty thin (just how I, personally, like it). However, once the pizza cooled some, the crust got a lot sturdier and had deliciously crunchy edges with a soft, chewy middle. And at the end of the day, I don't mind a bit of a messy dinner as long as it tastes finger-lickin' good...and Spinato's pizza definitely does.

If you want to try out Spinato's for yourself, Spinato's frozen broccoli crust pizzas are now available in over 1,500 stores all over the US. For help finding Spinato's broccoli crust pizza in your area, check out Spinato's handy dandy product locator here! Before I was diagnosed with celiac disease, I would've never imagined waking up and looking forward to eating zucchini and green beans and all sorts of other delicious veggies. But the more I've experimented with new, delicious ways to enjoy vegetables, the more I've craved them...and I hope the same can be said of anyone who tries any of the vegetable hacks I've shared in this blog post! And if you need a tasty and easy place to start eating more vegetables ASAP...as I mentioned earlier, Spinato's certified gluten free broccoli crust pizza can be ready in 15 minutes or less. ;) *I received free samples and monetary compensation in exchange for spreading the word about Spinato's broccoli crust pizza. However, I only partner with brands and products that I personally belive in, and all photographs, opinions and thoughts are my own. Thank you for supporting what supports Casey the College Celiac!* Which flavor of Spinato's pizza would you want to try first? Margherita; Aged Asiago, Romano & Mozzarella; Mediterranean Supreme; or Primavera? Tell me in the comments!

via Blogger https://ift.tt/2TpsPY6

#Blogger #college #celiac #gluten free #coeliac #celiacs #paleo #primal #foodporn #foodart

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jynxeddraca · 5 years

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So I discovered that I love greyhounds

One of my friends took me to a dog event a couple towns over and I was totally down for it because dogs. While there we moseyed, talking with dog owners, fawning over all the good dogs, and I got cards for a few pet babysitters that I might use while I’m out of state for a week.

Then I saw them.

A group of greyhounds chilling at their booth. Since the rest of the dog present were rambunctious, and excited, and whatnot this was a bit of a surprise. So I checked them out.

First of all: Greyhounds are much bigger than I thought they were, Sophie, one that this greyhound rescue was walking around, came up to my waist. Second, they’re so soft. Like puppy soft. Third of all, they’re oddly graceful looking creatures and so naturally I wanted 20 right then and there.

However I am also somewhat morally opposed to purchasing/owning most purebreds and I have two cats. In a 700sqft apartment. Probably wouldn’t work out but the dogs were very chill and I talked with the people from the rescue. They told me these dogs were nearly always this chill, they do well in apartments, and most of them do well with cats.

I grabbed a information packet and after lamenting with my friend about how my poor, dumb heart wants one I decided to do some research on the breed to prove to myself that, like most purebred dogs, they are most likely rife with medical issues.

This has backfired in a most spectacular fashion.

They are prone to bloat, which is something I figured as most large dogs are prone to this. There are preventative measures and because I have nearly always wanted an Irish Wolfhound (also prone to bloat) I have read a lot on the subject and how to recognize it. Okay, normal, I can handle that.

They are prone to bone cancer, specifically in their legs, and many tend to get a leg amputated. (One site said it was almost a 50/50 chance after age 10? Or something like that). That sucks, but every dog that has made it to old age that my family has owned has had cancer, generally cysts that were harmless but with pet insurance and knowing that I should probably save up for that, that can be dealt with sufficiently.

They are NOT prone to hip dysplasia, which is shocking because nearly every large dog is. Apparently it’s nearly unheard of in greyhounds.

Their healthy blood-work looks odd from other dogs, so every site and organization I can find recommends finding a vet that is familiar with greyhounds. Again, not a big deal.

Sometimes they get heart murmurs, but it’s normally a misdiagnosis because they have large hearts.

They have very little fat and need coats in the winter.

Retired racers tend to have bad teeth because of their former diet or soft foods and raw meat.

Their nails sometimes aren’t too good either.

Retired racers sometimes have diseases spread by ticks, which rescues normally check for but it was heavily recommended to get them rechecked when you adopt one.

And that was the vast bulk of the medical issues I could find consistently. They’re shockingly healthy for a pure breed. Only two of those things are things that are truly terrible that might make me reconsider, but these are all things that aren’t deal breakers. Then I found other things that cemented how much I want one of these concerned miniature horses.

Retired racers have never seen stairs before. You will have to teach them to use stairs.

Retired racers have no idea what sliding glass doors are, it was recommended multiple times to put a tape ‘X’ over windows and glass doors until they are aware that there is something there.

They are apparently quite affectionate dogs and love to be around people and animals.

They adopt stuffed animals.

Their eyes get real big when you have treats and they extend their heads so slightly when they want what you have and they dainty treat eaters.

There are videos of greyhounds sleeping in cat beds. It’s insane how much these dogs can curl up.

They don’t bark, they communicate primarily through whining and one blog mentioned that when they get excited hers sounds like a woman being murdered.

Every site calls them 40mph couch potatoes. All of them. These dogs want to chill on the couch with you. I am totally okay with this.

Most greyhounds tend to respect fences and won’t attempt to escape a fenced in yard.

They are very routine oriented dogs.

They are intelligent and so are generally pretty easy to train.

Downsides:

They are not to be outdoor dogs at all. Ever. By any stretch of the imagination. They are not built for being outside in weather (because they originated in the desert). If it’s cold, they will need a coat. Additionally, retired racers will need to get used to walking on pavement because they have never had to before.

In addition, they have shit recall abilities. If they get loose and start running after something, because their instinct to chase is insanely strong, there is a good chance they will not stop. Even if they are well trained, there is a not small chance they will keep going. Since they also lack understanding of things like roads, and cars and what not, many a greyhound have been killed due to this.

Because of the previous point: they cannot be let off leashes under any circumstances outside of a fenced in area.

Their necks are thicker than their heads, they can easily pop out of normal collars - most rescues will provide a Martingale collar (also known as a choke collar because they tighten with pressure) but I don’t like those so chest harness it is.

Most are great with indoor cats (or other small indoor pets) but because of 4,000 years of breeding chase instinct into them they will chase, catch, and kill outdoor cats. This extends to squirrels, rabbits, and small floofy dogs that look like racing lures when they run. Many sites stress to never let your greyhound off it leash, even at a dog park, because greyhounds are not aware that other dog breeds exist and they will give chase to some smaller breeds.

They get massive amounts of separation anxiety, and they will chew when upset (and apparently get upset tummies as well (and really rank farts)). It was recommended on multiple sites that you take a few days to get your dog used to a non-kennel home and to get your dog used to the idea that you will leave (and that it’s no big deal) to leave the building for 5ish minutes at a time, once an hour, gradually increasing the time as the greyhound becomes used to the idea.

They will destroy your landscaping when they run. Since I am planning on buying a house next year and gardening is a BIG thing for me, this is a major drawback that I will have to figure out a way around. Because messy, hodgepodge garden chic is my jam.

They must be crate trained. Especially the retired racers because they will chew and destroy your house when acclimating to it if you are not home. I would have to do this especially because I have two cats that run like mad men through the apartment and that will set off prey drive in the dog.

They must have a bed/crate in the bedroom because retired racers have never slept alone and they will get upset if they are alone.

They will eat out of the cat box. My parents’ dog does this so this isn’t a surprise but it will make them massively sick.

You must lock your trash can up because they will get into it.

Baby gates, this is apparently a thing I will need to keep the animals separate while they get to know each other.

There are literally only two greyhound rescues that I can go to. Both are out of state, and everywhere else that I look are selling puppies (which I am highly suspicious about because we have puppy mills here) or they won’t adopt outside of a certain driving distance.

This is one of those dogs where there is a lot of things I absolutely love about them and some things that, sitting here, sans greyhound, that I think I can work with but won’t know until I actually start the process of acquiring said dog. I am also very sad that I literally only have those two options of where to get a rescued greyhound

#greyhounds #I have fallen hopelessly for these dogs #I want one #but #two cats in an apartment #is not conductive #especially since I already hit the pet limit #and exceeded it #After I get a house #I am getting one though #long post is long

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elainescookingforthesoul · 4 years

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TRANSCRIPT for Episode 1.01 "Sam's Chia Pudding" (PART 2/2)

ACT II

SAM: Thanks! I did it myself. I can do yours too, if you want! You haven't been using hair conditioner, have you?

ELAINE: Why?

SAM: Oh, Elaine. Everyone knows that after a nuclear event you have to, one, shave your head and beard, and two, avoid conditioner. It locks in moisture right alongside airborne radioactive materials.

ELAINE: Oh my. Then I suppose I will take you up on that haircut offer.

SAM: We can do it here if we have any down time tomorrow. Seems like we're seeing fewer and fewer patients these days.

ELAINE: But more of each other! So it's a trade-off. But Sam. As much as I'd love to keep admiring your new clean-shaven look you have, we should probably wrap up this delicious recipe you brought, a Choco-Coco Chia Pudding!

SAM: That's right, Elaine! Before the break we combined a cup of whole chia seeds, a quarter cup of the highest quality unsweetened cocoa powder you can find. For us, that's medium quality, folks.

ELAINE: True. Then we added an entire 32oz carton of coconut milk, plus a whole 13.5oz can of coconut milk. We whisked all of these ingredients together and let them rest for twenty minutes.

SAM: Fun fact: chia seeds are one of those super-foods that people went crazy for a while ago. They are just extremely healthy, but also happen to taste tolerable and can be added to many different dishes as seeds or in a ground powder form.

ELAINE: Plenty of fiber and protein. By itself, it has extremely few calories, but lucky for us the coconut milks can provide us with that much needed element.

SAM: I think this is ready! In a past life, I may have chilled this for another hour after letting these chia seeds soak up what coconut milk they could, but since all our refrigeration and freezer units were seized last week...heck, we're just going to enjoy as is!

ELAINE: Here are our two mugs I fetched from the tech lab.

[MUGS ARE SET DOWN]

SAM: Perfect. I'm just going to fill these guys up...

[PLOPPING OF CHIA IN MUGS]

SAM (CONT’D): ...and we're ready to dive right in!

[SPOONS SCRAPING]

ELAINE: Mm. Oh my, Sam! It is chocolatey, textured, yet not too heavy!

SAM: Oh shoot, Elaine I forgot the final surprise! Close your eyes!

ELAINE: What--

[BOX OPENS, POURS CLUNKY CONTENTS INTO MUGS]

SAM: It's a simple topping. I'm not adding much to each mug. Just a small fistful for extra crunch and a little kick of sugar. It's--

ELAINE: My favorite brand of breakfast cereal, Assloads of Oat Clusters with Almonds! Sam, this really sets the whole thing off!

SAM: I know, right?

ELAINE: Well. I must say, although things appear to be endlessly worsening in the outside world, it is moments like this, when I get to dine upon the very genius of my lovely friend and trusted colleague, that I feel most like myself.

SAM: Elaine, I know exactly what you mean. Now here's the thing.

ELAINE: The thing.

SAM: I know what you all are probably thinking. Oh, big fancy dental assistant guy. Happens to have medium-quality unsweetened cocoa powder on hand. Must be nice.

ELAINE: It's fair to say that most people can't afford such luxuries these days.

SAM: I just wanted to say...I feel that. I bartered probably more than what is reasonable. A can of tinned meat and four packs of Top Ramen, plus a pair of socks, the fresh ones I was gonna make into hand puppets. It is still possible to get chocolate if it's worth it to you, like if you're celebrating a birthday or a reunion with an old friend.

ELAINE: Oh Sam.

SAM: But let's say you don't have chocolate powder. I was hoping that I could share a few alternative takes on chia pudding. If you don't mind, of course.

ELAINE: Please do!

SAM: So maybe you can't rock that cocoa powder lifestyle just yet. Maybe you have some imitation vanilla to sub in! Maybe you've got part of some canned peaches you can add. Maybe you're the kind of person who has stocked up on granola before this whole nuclear apocalypse unfolded. Add that on top! And if I can be perfectly honest…

ELAINE: I'll brace myself.

SAM: The stuff is pretty good on its own. It's just a light, yet nutrient-dense snack that can serve up to six people. If you're eating this on your own, I'd say you have three solid meals here. It probably won't be super- safe to eat after sitting unrefrigerated for more than a day, but if you're anything like me, you're no stranger to playing with the boundaries of food safety just to make it through. Have I gotten a tummy ache once or twice?

ELAINE: Okay--

SAM: Sure I have! Has e.coli made a visit to the gut of Sam H. Gately? Just a few times.

ELAINE: I don't know if everybody wants--

SAM: Have I spent a few sultry nights between a five-gallon bucket and the toilet seat because I was spewing out of both ends?

ELAINE: Oh my.

SAM: It's just a part of living, baby!

ELAINE: I feel I should stop you there.

SAM: I'm talking about diarrhea, here, folks. We're all dealing with the same diarrhea. And there is really only one way to deal with diarrhea. Loudly and proudly. Am I right, Elaine?

ELAINE: Well, I can't deny I've been foolish enough to attempt to will certain items beyond their expiration date and...paid the price.

SAM: Right, and you paid through the butt for it.

ELAINE: Fine.

SAM: With diarrhea!

ELAINE: I wonder if there is a good- practices guide to how many times a non-medical podcast should use the word "diarrhea."

SAM: How many are we at now?

ELAINE: Oh. Let me see.

[CLACKS AWAY AT COMPUTER]

ELAINE (CONT’D): I knew this transcription software would come in handy. Six times! Oh my, I hope we haven't alienated our audience too much.

SAM: Nice. Well, the rest of the chia is yours to keep, Elaine! I really gotta get going.

ELAINE: Oh, you sure? I mean, I've kind of lost my appetite for this chocolate pudding here after all the talk about--

[RUSTLING OF CLOTHING]

SAM: I'm positive! I'm riding my Razor scooter home, so I can't really carry the leftovers anyway. I'll see you tomorrow?

ELAINE: I can only hope. Sam, thank you so much for joining me after work hours to put together this truly charming episode.

SAM: My pleasure. And if I could leave your audience with one last tip?

ELAINE: By all means.

SAM: The best way to deal with diarrhea is prevention. Boil your water and avoid all perishable items, especially vegetables. Barring that, don't be too proud to seek out Imodium. It'll stop you right up in a good way.

ELAINE: Sam Gately, folks!

[APPLAUSE SFX]

SAM: Goodnight!

[JANGLE OF OUTSIDE DOOR]

ELAINE: Listeners, there is so much to be said for consistency--the act of being consistent, I mean. The unfolding of the flower every morning, the bubbling coffee pot, the tired but genuine smile of an old friend. How you perceive these small evidences of continued existence--heartbreaking or beautiful, or perhaps a mixture of both--is the only choice left. At a time where everything seems so uncertain, it is tempting to pretend like nothing has changed. But things are changing, and rapidly. It is possible that this podcast will be heard well after the raw wound of this nuclear apocalypse has been healed over by time. On the other hand, perhaps things are about to get inconceivably worse, and these episodes will simply be a few moments of perfectly encapsulated, tragic innocence. I dare to be optimistic enough to hope for the former. I hope this humble cooking podcast finds you safe, happy, and turning towards the rising sun. This has been Elaine's Cooking Podcast for the Soul. Please join us next week for another new and clear recipe for our nuclear lifestyle! In the meantime, I'm Elaine Martínez, not crying, hugging you goodnight.

[OUTRO MUSIC]

END OF ACT II

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cancateatsthat · 5 years

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Can cats eat bread? Bread is one of our favorite food. Most people around the world have bread in their breakfast food. Some of us would like to have it with butter. Others take it with cheese. Some people like it hard toasted. And some like it freshly baked. Some like it white when others love it brown. Overall, bread has been everyone’s favorite for a very long period of time. Sometimes we like to share some of our food with our feline friend.

We do not want to compromise our feline’s health by feeding them the wrong food. Even though it is a piece of bread so you need a researched opinion on this. So, There is no worry, We have been on the same path. Let’s find out together the answer to the question, “If Can cats eat bread?”. There is a viral video on bread and cats end of the post you should check.

Can Cats Eat Bread

can cats eat bread

The short answer is Yes. Brothers and sister, I am happy to tell you that your cats can eat bread. Bread is not poisonous at all. They are safe and there is nothing to worry about if your cat has any severe allergic reaction from it.

But, There are things to consider.

I said your cat can eat bread. It does not mean that you and your cat can visit the local bakery and let your cat feast on everything. That she points his paws on. I know sometimes, we usually spoil our cats. But there is danger in loving your feline too much of something.

We need to find a balance between giving them cat food and what want your pets like to eat. To make them feel happy and treating her with the right amount of discipline to keep her healthy. Our felines friend can only eat a small amount of bread. They should not feed anything more than that.

Let’s drill down deep and discuss in details.

What About Baked Bread

Of course, Cats can eat baked bread. They will able to digest it properly. There will be no issue as long as we feed them just the right amount. So, how much is the right amount, you may ask? All it takes is common sense for the answer. There is no strict rule or measurement for that. Let your cats enjoy the meal. And you can enjoy watching your cat enjoys.

As we know, bread is not that much of an important food to a cat’s diet. As we have mentioned earlier, cats need other animal meat and the protein in their diet. It because they are obligate carnivores. Bread is mostly carbohydrates. Cats can only take a very small amount of protein from that. It is not an ideal cat food just by looking at the nutritional facts. If you ask your veterinarian about it, he or she may advise you the same thing.

Thus, bread is not super dangerous for cats. But it is best that great for your feline. You could serve a little to him every once in a while. Always give food with containing high-quality protein.

You May Also Read – Can Cats Eat Strawberries

Bread With Other Ingredients Are Dangerous To Cats

There are many ways to bake and make bread. In general, bread is safe for cat’s consumption. But it still comes with few other exceptions.

Let’s start with garlic bread. It is brought my attention to it. As we know garlic, onion, and chives are not safe for cats. They could be toxic to cats. This is because these spices kill the cat’s red blood cells. This may result in a rare kind of anemia to our felines friends.

Secondly, raisins. Grapes and dried raisins are not ideal treats to our feline friends. Too much of the raisin bread can lead your cats in big danger. They could end up in kidney failure. Some breeds may be prone to this risk.

Lastly but not least, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches should not be given to your feline. As I said simple plain bread is completely fine. But do not get too mixed with bread.

Uncooked Bread Dough Is Bad For Cats

If you heard about cats eating bread dough is a completely different story.

Warning: Bread dough is bad for cats. You must be avoided as much as possible.

You May Also Read – Can Cats Eat Mango

The Harm Of Uncooked Dough To Cats

Bread can also result in alcohol poisoning. Wait, what? yes, that’s right.

Yes, you read it right. Bread dough contains yeast. Which may react with the sugar inside your cat’s stomach. If you have noticed your cat acting drunk or disoriented. You should bring her to the Vet. Raw dough may lead your feline friend to more complications like seizures and coma. Although very unlikely to happen. We keep our cats away from this as we love them and want to see them safe.

Lastly, In a worse case scenario that bread dough may block your cat’s intestinal tract. This can happen if the bread has not completely risen when it was being baked. You should never give cats to eat bread dough.

Feline stomachs are warm. And it is moist on the inside. If the dough ever ingested. It may continue expanding inside their tummies. What the result then?

The dough may stretch their abdomen. We should not take little things like this lightly as this is a real life-threatening risk. In worst-case-scenario, your cat may need to go through surgery. Otherwise, some kind of medical operation to take the bread dough out of her little body.

What To Do If You Cat Ate Bread Dough

Never share bread dough with a cat. Always look after your cat if food lying around the areas of the house where your cats can reach. You may be preparing to bake some Butter-milk bread one day. And you left the kitchen for a couple of minutes to go to the bathroom. You can get back and find out that your cat has eaten some of the dough. Now, this should be considered an emergency.

If you realize that your cats may have eaten plenty of the dough. You should call your vet immediately. otherwise, go directly to the clinic. There is no time to waste in this kinds of situation. Do you feel the urgency of this kind of situation? This could be a very serious situation.

You May Also Read – Can Cats Eat Rice

Benefit Of Eating Bread

I have heard that an average American eats over 50 pounds of bread a year. if you think about it now by the number that is a lot of bread. But why we eat that much bread? Bread is very cheap. They are easy to make and readily available. They serve quite a significant function of the human body. The question, is it as much of an importance to felines as it is for us?

Well, bread, especially the brown kind. They have been a decent amount of fiber in it. Fibers are good stuff. Fiber aides with our digestion. And it also works on cat tummies too. This means a healthier digestive system. And more cat litter on the box.

But still, cats can live a healthy life without knowing what is bread and how it looks like and tastes like. Meat remains as the primary diet as cat food. In order to stay healthy, they should eat meat. If you are unsure about something. It is best to remain satisfied with cat food only. They are specially formulated for cats by experts. And before you feed anything processed. Always read the label at the back of the package to make sure with everything is right, you feed your cats. Sometimes it best to be protective of our pets. As we do not want to see them getting harmed. Sometime other peoples may even call you crazy, But this is why my cat is healthy and purring until now.

The Herm Of Eating Bread To Cats

Cat Young Cute Pet Love Animal Happy Family

We already have listed some benefits from eating bread. But, the bad side of eating bread has outweighed the pros in this one.

Bread contains high levels of sugar and salt. This is the kind of stuff your felines should avoid. As a responsible cat owner, we should always be aware of what is bad and good for our cats. So, she remains healthy and pretty.

Too much bread can lead cats to obesity. This is how it works. Bread has a lot of carbohydrates. Carbohydrates turn into sugar. And sugar eventually turns into fat. A chubby little cat may look adorable but it is not healthy at all.

Mass produced bread are mostly high in preservatives. These are not good for the body. Bread is lacking in vitamin Taurine. Feline bodies cannot produce taurine. This is the reason why cats cannot live on grains alone. Taurine deficiency will lead to a number of health problems.

It may lead to tooth decay.

Second, hair loss in cats.

Third, complications of their reproductive system in felines which may especially affect pregnant cats.

Lastly, cardiovascular problems.

You May Also Read – Can Cats Eat Cilantro

Can Cats Eat Bread Crust

Cats Love eating Bread Crust and other crust like pizza. Because it contains yeast. A small amount of Bread Crust would not hurt your cats. But, it will be best that you avoid giving bread crust to cats. Instead, you can share small slice of a bread with your cat.

Can Cats Eat Bread And Milk

Yes, There is no problem giving your cats some bread and milk. They normally like milk. Giving some bread with milk would not hurt her stomach. Keep things in moderation and do not overdo anything. As we know milk contains fats. Over consuming will cause a health-related issue. Do not Feed your kitty because of hunger If she keeps asking more.

Can Cats Eat Toast

Yes, It is fine to give her once a while in a small amount. But, toast will provide no benefit to your cat. So, do not make it into a habit instead try to find a different alternative food for your cats. Cats often try to eat what their owners eat. Cats are carnivorous they will normally would not near toast. But, if your cat wants to eat some toast. Good news is toast wouldn’t hurt your cat in a small amount.

Can Kittens Eat Toast

No, It’s not safe for Kittens. It better to avoid dry food from kittens. Their digestive system not ready yet for bread like other grown-up cats. Give some grounded beef, grounded chicken for their relevantly tiny teeth. Kitten should eat healthy baby cat food.

You May Also Read – Can Cats Eat Raw Egg

Conclusion

Short Answer is yes. But not too much at a time.

It Better to understand some ingredients added to bread can cause a problem for cats. Normally Simple bread is safe. Too much salt and sugar never good for cat’s health. Otherwise, once a while small piece of bread here and there is completely safe for your cats. Hope this article solve all your doubts related to the topic – “can cats eat bread“.

When cats Look Like Bread

The post 7 Unexpected Fact About Can Cats Eat Bread | You Should Not Miss appeared first on Can Cat Eat.

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24hourchampagnediet-blog1 · 5 years

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Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner The Vegan Keto Way

New Post has been published on https://bestrawfoodrecipes.com/breakfast-lunch-and-dinner-the-vegan-keto-way/

Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner The Vegan Keto Way

You’ve done the research and now you want to start practicing a ketogenic diet. For plant-based eaters, this is simpler said than done. A standard ketogenic diet relies on high fat and low carbohydrates, many of these necessary calories coming from animal-based products. Yet, don’t fear! There are still plenty of plant-based ketogenic-friendly resources to pull from.

Breakfast

freephotocc/Pixabay

Breaking your nighttime fast is by far one the favorite times of the day. Yet, the basis of this craving is due to the fact that most traditional breakfast meals are based around sugar-heavy cereals and sweet bread. The ketogenic diet strives to change this perception of breakfast. Glucose, which is basically sugar, is a big no-no on the ketogenic diet. Instead of grabbing for that toasted piece of wheat bread with jelly on top, keto will have you gobbling down some high-fat and incredibly filling alternative options.

Coffee the Keto Way

Maple Cinnamon Latte/One Green Planet

For most of us, coffee is a must have in the morning! Why not make it worth your while? A popular, easy, and quick breakfast remedy that is also keto-friendly is high-fat coffee. Simply add a dollop (or more) of coconut oil and/or a dollop of your favorite plant-based butter to that morning brew. Not only will you infuse delightful coconut flavors and creamy textures, but you’ll also be imbibing a concentrated source of plant-based fat to keep you full longer and kick you’re fasting body into ketosis bright and early! Here are two high-fat coffee-based recipes to try: Amaretto Coffee Creamer —to make this plant-based creamer recipe fully keto, avoid the sweetener and instead use coconut oil —or Christine DesRoches‘s Maple Cinnamon Late — exclude the syrup altogether or follow suit with the amaretto coffee creamer and add coconut oil instead.

Cacao the Keto Way

Energizing Coffee Cacao Smoothie Bowl/One Green Planet

This Energizing Coffee Cacao Smoothie Bowl by Katja Meier is a great foundational plant-based recipe that will require a few tweaks to make it ketogenic-friendly. The keto-friendly ingredients are cacao (85 percent cacao and higher only!), instant coffee (without sweeteners), flax seeds, vegan yogurt (nut-based, unsweetened), and ground sunflower petals and edible flowers. You’ll need to substitute keto-friendly berries for the banana and blood orange, as well as seeds (chia, flaxseed, hemp) or shredded coconut for the oats.

Porridge the Keto Way

Antioxidant Green Tea Porridge/One Green Planet

Besides our caffeine addictions, one of the hardest things to give up in the morning is a steaming bowl of oatmeal, hot cereal, or porridge. While you’ll have to give up the actual oats, there are substitutes that are keto-friendly and can simulate that old-fashioned breakfast that warms your tummy! Taryn Fitz-Gerald‘s Antioxidant Green Tea Porridge is a perfect recipe to turn keto! It relies on friendly healthy fat nuts as a base — almond milk, brazil nuts, and pecans — and for the porridge simply substitute cauliflower rice. Also, make sure to the berries, choose only keto-friendly varieties, and completely exclude that date syrup to avoid unwanted sugar consumption.

Lunch

jelly/Pixabay

It may not become clear until you begin the ketogenic diet, but lunch is oftentimes the most carb-heavy meal. This is where prepping at home and bringing a sack lunch will come in handy. It’s best to use lunch recipes that are fewer ingredients and therefore are easier to prep and pack, less detrimental to your wallet, and are simpler to substitute in order to make keto diet friendly.

Chili

Healthy Chili/One Green Planet

Chili is easy to make and does great when frozen and reheated, landing it as the top lunch choice for the keto-friendly diet. I like Wendy Irene‘s Healthy Chili recipe due to its minimal ingredient list, the fact that there are only three required substitutes (butternut squash, kidney beans, and black beans), its high content of low-carb vegetables such as zucchini, tomato, peppers, onion, and the inclusion of high fat extra-virgin olive oil. For the three substitute items, consider switching them out for meaty textured, low-carb veggies such as cauliflower, snow peas, or mushrooms.

Wraps

Raw Zucchini Wraps/One Green Planet

Next up on the easy lunch list are wraps. The most important aspect of the wrap is the wrapping material and making sure to choose a keto-friendly exterior. With that said, once you’ve got your exterior picked out, wraps are one of the easiest foods to make fully raw. Eating raw is a great way to ingest all the nutrition possible from your food, while also avoiding extra calories from cooking oils. Julie West‘s recipe for Raw Zucchini Wraps is a must in the keto kitchen and only has one substitute to make it keto-friendly! While carrots can be ingested on the keto diet, they do fall on the root vegetable list, therefore have a higher calorie count, and should be ingested with care. Therefore, if you fall in love with this recipe, look to substitute the carrots with another low-carb veggie of your choice. Also, make sure that your tahini is whole sesame tahini (also referred to as sesame butter) for the most bang for your buck when it comes to protein and fat.

Salads

Grilled Zucchini and Green Bean Salad/One Green Planet

If neither of the above seems appetizing, let’s turn to the most traditional lunch recipe. Salads are quick to make, easy to diversify, and they happen to be one of the easiest types of meals to make keto. Almost any salad recipe can be tweaked into a keto-friendly meal. Taylor Kise‘s Grilled Zucchini and Green Bean Salad is a great example of the salad’s amazing simplicity. It packs a punch of great keto-friendly veggies including green beans, zucchini, tomato, fresh herbs, and healthy fat filled olive oil. Instead of using all those dates, maybe use one or two and mix with raw cashew and coconut oil for that same creamy texture with more fat than sugar!

Dinner

neshom/Pixabay

The final meal of the day can be the most challenging. This is generally the most meat-heavy meal, which means, for plant-based dieters, there will be a necessity of very specific nutrient-based substituting. Since grains are not a part of the ketogenic diet, finding vegetables that can simulate grains (such as cauliflower or broccoli rice), as well as simulate meat (such as eggplant and squash) will be the key to success. Here are three simple, plant-based ingredients that can play the central role on your dinner plate!

Eggplant

Grilled Eggplant Stack With Roasted Red Pepper Sauce/One Green Planet

If you’re a plant-based dieter, eggplant is most likely already part of your regular shopping list. For the keto diet, eggplant is an excellent source of protein, dietary fiber, minerals (especially magnesium, phosphorous, and potassium), as well as vitamins (including A, C, K, folate, and choline). Ingredient simplicity is still a ketogenic diet key, which is why Taryn Fitz-Gerald‘s Grilled Eggplant Stack With Roasted Red Peppers Sauce recipe is a great option. If this becomes a favorite of yours, try reducing the amount of or substituting altogether the corn and onion.

Mushrooms

Broccolini Mushroom Stir Fry/One Green Planet

There are many wonderful things about mushrooms, but one of the best is the variety. Each has a distinct flavor and texture, some offer more nutrients than others, yet all mushrooms are an excellent meat substitute due to their dense design. Many people shy away from different varieties of mushrooms due to their exotic look. Yet, anyone can cook a mushroom to perfection! For a filling, keto-friendly mushroom dinner recipe try Raymund Macaalay‘s simple Broccolini Mushroom Stir Fry. While the ingredient list is a bit longer than others, almost everything is keto-friendly. Simply substitute onion and, if you tend to use a lot of soy sauce, either substitute or downgrade the amount you use.

Avocado

Green Chili Cauliflower Summer Tacos With Avocado Slaw/One Green Planet

I have to include avocado, not only because it’s an incredibly delicious, fatty, and nutritious treat, but it plays well in any of these meal categories including breakfast, lunch, snacks, and desserts. Yet, avocado landed in the dinner section due to the fact that it’s an incredibly filling ingredient for the stomach and the mouth, meaning plant-based eaters who are excluding grains, will still feel that they are ingesting a large number of foods. For dinner, try out Liz Martone‘s Green Chili Cauliflower Summer Tacos With Avocado Slaw. With wonderful avocado as a base, it also utilizes low-carb veggies such as cauliflower, cabbage, cilantro, and healthy fat olive oil. Instead of a corn tortilla, try a hearty cabbage leaf!

Hopefully, the above recommendations will get you started off right with your ketogenic diet, yet once you get going we highly recommend downloading our Food Monster App, which is available for iPhone, and can also be found on Instagram and Facebook, for thousands of more plant-based recipes that are easily made keto-friendly! The app has more than 15,000 plant-based, allergy-friendly recipes, and subscribers gain access to new recipes every day. Check it out!

For more Vegan Food, Health, Recipe, Animal, and Life content published daily, don’t forget to subscribe to the One Green Planet Newsletter!

Being publicly-funded gives us a greater chance to continue providing you with high quality content. Please support us!

Source link Keto Diet Dinner Ideas

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fuckyeahtattoogirls-blog1 · 5 years

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Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner The Vegan Keto Way

New Post has been published on https://bestrawfoodrecipes.com/breakfast-lunch-and-dinner-the-vegan-keto-way/

Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner The Vegan Keto Way

Breakfast

freephotocc/Pixabay

Coffee the Keto Way

Maple Cinnamon Latte/One Green Planet

Cacao the Keto Way

Energizing Coffee Cacao Smoothie Bowl/One Green Planet

Porridge the Keto Way

Antioxidant Green Tea Porridge/One Green Planet

Lunch

jelly/Pixabay

Chili

Healthy Chili/One Green Planet

Wraps

Raw Zucchini Wraps/One Green Planet

Salads

Grilled Zucchini and Green Bean Salad/One Green Planet

Dinner

neshom/Pixabay

Eggplant

Grilled Eggplant Stack With Roasted Red Pepper Sauce/One Green Planet

Mushrooms

Broccolini Mushroom Stir Fry/One Green Planet

Avocado

Green Chili Cauliflower Summer Tacos With Avocado Slaw/One Green Planet

For more Vegan Food, Health, Recipe, Animal, and Life content published daily, don’t forget to subscribe to the One Green Planet Newsletter!

Being publicly-funded gives us a greater chance to continue providing you with high quality content. Please support us!

Source link Keto Diet Dinner Ideas

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daddyslittlejuliet · 5 years

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The Best Dog Food for All Life Stages

The post The Best Dog Food for All Life Stages by Audrey Pavia appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren’t considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

If it were up to your dog, he’d be on a steady diet of pizza and cheeseburgers. Since those things aren’t good for dogs, your job as a pet parent is to pick healthy food made especially for canines. Choosing a food brand can be daunting enough with all the different choices out there. And what about type of food? And then there’s canned versus dry — which should you pick? Let’s break things down by the best dog food for all life stages.

The best dog food to feed a puppy

When my Corgi, Nigel, was a puppy, I fed him the puppy food recommended by his breeder. It was a quality premium brand, and he liked it. He only ate dry kibble because his sensitive tummy couldn’t handle the canned version. Dry food has less moisture than canned, so Nigel was less likely to get loose stools with dry food.

Puppies are as different from dogs as human babies are from adults when it comes to what their digestive systems will tolerate. While Nigel had trouble with canned food, my parents’ Pomeranian, Monique, did great on canned food as a puppy.

Whether it’s dry or canned, what’s most important is that the food is made especially for puppies. “Puppies need more protein than adult dogs do,” said canine nutrition expert Mary Straus of DogAware.com, who added that, despite what some people think, high protein does not cause orthopedic problems in growing pups. “Too much calcium and overfeeding in general are the culprits there.”

The best dog food to feed a puppy is a food formulated especially for young dogs and to give the amount listed on the bag or can. Being a Corgi, Nigel would have eaten three times the recommended amount of food if I’d let him, but the result would have been an overweight puppy who may have developed joint problems. I had to deal with sad puppy eyes when he asked for more and I said no, but it was for his own good.

The best dog food to feed a growing dog

Dogs in the age range of 6 to 18 months are ready for adult dog food. They need a lot of energy at this age, so the best dog food to feed a dog this age is a quality food with a good amount of calories.

My friend, Jorge, feeds his 10-month-old German Shepherd Dog a premium-brand kibble for adult dogs. Hemi is a bundle of energy, and Jorge finds it hard to keep weight on him. Hemi gets a big helping of dry food twice a day and is still hungry all the time. Dogs his age are very active and are still growing, so they usually have big appetites.

For some owners of young, growing dogs, money can be an issue. That makes dry food a more obvious choice. “Dry food is almost always cheaper than canned food, providing a comparable number of calories,” Straus said. “This impacts owners of large dogs more than those with small dogs, who may also have trouble getting through a bag of kibble while it is still fresh.”

Luckily, dog food manufacturers usually offer kibble in different sized bags. You can find bags starting at 5 pounds all the way up to 50 for some brands. If you have a small dog, you should buy a smaller bag. You don’t want to store dry food for more than 30 days because it starts to lose its freshness.

The best dog food to feed an adult dog

My 6-year-old Australian Shepherd mix, Candy, has a slow metabolism. When I first adopted her from my local shelter, she was about 5 pounds overweight. She was probably eating kibble at her former home, and I’m sure that’s what she was getting at the shelter. To help her lose weight, I started her on a quality canned food. Canned food is generally lower in carbohydrates than dry food, and since Candy isn’t a very active dog, I thought putting her on a lower-carb diet would help her shed the pounds.

Of course I had to be careful with fat content, too. “Too much fat can lead to weight gain, especially in dogs who are not very active,” Strauss said. “If the amount fed must be strictly limited to prevent weight gain, this could contribute to nutritional deficiency, so I would reserve higher-fat foods for young, active dogs.”

After a few months of eating a measured amount of canned food, Candy dropped her extra 5 pounds. I then put her on a maintenance diet, which consists of both canned and dry food. She’s now at a good weight on this diet.

My friend Michelle, on the other hand, recently had to increase her Australian Cattle Dog’s food portions because Annabelle was a little too lean. After her vet referred to Annabelle as “a Victoria’s Secret model with no fat reserves to fall back on,” Michelle upped Annabelle’s kibble ration. Annabelle quickly gained about 2 pounds. She still has a lean body, but you can’t feel her ribs or hips anymore. So, the best dog food for an adult dog really depends on your individual dog!

The best dog food to feed a senior dog

My neighbor’s senior Dachshund, Maynard, has arthritis and some other health issues that mean paying special attention to what he eats. Not only are Maynard’s teeth not working really well these days, he also has a tendency toward a picky appetite. His owners feed him a brand of canned food that he really likes. The wet food is easy for him to chew, and it also gives him more water in his diet.

“The added moisture in canned foods may be beneficial for older dogs to help them stay hydrated,” said Straus, who pointed out that adding water to dry food can do the same. But in Maynard’s case, he doesn’t want dry food. He only wants canned. And at his advanced age of 16, Maynard gets what Maynard wants.

Once a dog gets to a certain age, giving him a quality food that he enjoys eating is the best approach, whether it’s canned or dry. “The question of canned or dry doesn’t have to be either/or,” Straus said. “It’s fine to feed both, either together or in separate meals, as long as it agrees with your dog.”

The best dog food to feed your dog on a fresh food diet

Straus said you can improve commercial diets of all kinds at any stage of your dog’s life by adding fresh foods to her diet, including:

Lean meats

Eggs

Canned fish without bones (sardines, pink salmon, jack mackerel)

Dairy (yogurt, kefir, cottage cheese)

Fresh fruits and vegetables (as long as you stay away from grapes or raisins, which can cause kidney failure in dogs).

If you share some of these healthy foods with your dog, only give him a little bit as a top dressing on his dog food. Too much of a good thing can upset his stomach — and leave you wishing you’d stuck with dog food.

The bottom line on the best dog food

Every dog, regardless of age, is an individual with specific needs. The best way to find the best dog food for your canine is to continually consult with your vet.

Thumbnail: Photography by Jaromir Chalabala / Shutterstock.

This piece was originally published in 2015.

About the author:

An award-winning professional writer and editor, Audrey Pavia is a former managing editor of DOG FANCY magazine and former senior editor of the AKC Gazette. She is the author of The Labrador Retriever Handbook (Barrons) and has also written extensively on horses as well as other pets. She shares her home in Norco, California, with a rescue dog named Candy.

Read more on what to feed your dog on Dogster.com:

6 Essential Rules for Raw Dog Food

Dog Feeding Schedule: How Many Times a Day Should a Dog Eat?

Sardines for Dogs? Your Pup Can (and Should!) Eat Them

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grublypetcare · 5 years

Text

The Best Dog Food for All Life Stages

The post The Best Dog Food for All Life Stages by Audrey Pavia appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren't considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

The best dog food to feed a puppy

The best dog food to feed a growing dog

The best dog food to feed an adult dog

The best dog food to feed a senior dog

The best dog food to feed your dog on a fresh food diet

Straus said you can improve commercial diets of all kinds at any stage of your dog’s life by adding fresh foods to her diet, including:

Lean meats

Eggs

Canned fish without bones (sardines, pink salmon, jack mackerel)

Dairy (yogurt, kefir, cottage cheese)

Fresh fruits and vegetables (as long as you stay away from grapes or raisins, which can cause kidney failure in dogs).

The bottom line on the best dog food

Every dog, regardless of age, is an individual with specific needs. The best way to find the best dog food for your canine is to continually consult with your vet.

Thumbnail: Photography by Jaromir Chalabala / Shutterstock.

This piece was originally published in 2015.

About the author:

Read more on what to feed your dog on Dogster.com:

6 Essential Rules for Raw Dog Food

Dog Feeding Schedule: How Many Times a Day Should a Dog Eat?

Sardines for Dogs? Your Pup Can (and Should!) Eat Them

The post The Best Dog Food for All Life Stages by Audrey Pavia appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren't considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

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northshoregadgets · 7 years

Text

The Best Dog Food for All Life Stages

What to feed a puppy

A Puppy eating by Shutterstock.

The best way to feed a puppy is to use a food formulated especially for young dogs and to give the amount listed on the bag or can. Being a Corgi, Nigel would have eaten three times the recommended amount of food if I’d let him, but the result would have been an overweight puppy who may have developed joint problems. I had to deal with sad puppy eyes when he asked for more and I said no, but it was for his own good.

What to feed a growing dog

A year-old French Bulldog eating by Shutterstock.

Dogs in the age range of 6 to 18 months are ready for adult dog food. They need a lot of energy at this age, so a quality food with a good amount of calories is the best choice.

My friend, Jorge, feeds his 10-month-old German Shepherd a premium-brand kibble for adult dogs. Hemi is a bundle of energy, and Jorge finds it hard to keep weight on him. Hemi gets a big helping of dry food twice a day and is still hungry all the time. Dogs his age are very active and are still growing, so they usually have big appetites.

What to feed an adult dog

A six-year-old Groenendael by Shutterstock.

What to feed an older dog

A senior dog by Shutterstock.

How to add fresh food to your dog’s diet

Straus said you can improve commercial diets of all kinds at any stage of your dog’s life by adding fresh foods to her diet, including:

Lean meats

Eggs

Canned fish without bones (sardines, pink salmon, jack mackerel)

Dairy (yogurt, kefir, cottage cheese)

Fresh fruits and vegetables (as long as you stay away from grapes or raisins, which can cause kidney failure in dogs).

Thumbnail: Photography by Shutterstock.

Read more on what to feed your dog on Dogster.com:

6 Essential Rules for Raw Dog Food

Dog Feeding Schedule: How Many Times a Day Should a Dog Eat?

Sardines for Dogs? Your Pup Can (and Should!) Eat Them

About the author: An award-winning professional writer and editor, Audrey Pavia is a former managing editor of DOG FANCY magazine and former senior editor of the AKC Gazette. She is the author of The Labrador Retriever Handbook (Barrons) and has also written extensively on horses as well as other pets. She shares her home in Norco, California, with a rescue dog named Candy.

The post The Best Dog Food for All Life Stages appeared first on Dogster.

from Dogster http://ift.tt/1LNC5bY via http://www.dogster.com

#Pets

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stiles-wtf · 7 years

Text

The Best Dog Food for All Life Stages

What to feed a puppy

A Puppy eating by Shutterstock.

What to feed a growing dog

A year-old French Bulldog eating by Shutterstock.

Dogs in the age range of 6 to 18 months are ready for adult dog food. They need a lot of energy at this age, so a quality food with a good amount of calories is the best choice.

What to feed an adult dog

A six-year-old Groenendael by Shutterstock.

What to feed an older dog

A senior dog by Shutterstock.

How to add fresh food to your dog’s diet

Straus said you can improve commercial diets of all kinds at any stage of your dog’s life by adding fresh foods to her diet, including:

Lean meats

Eggs

Canned fish without bones (sardines, pink salmon, jack mackerel)

Dairy (yogurt, kefir, cottage cheese)

Fresh fruits and vegetables (as long as you stay away from grapes or raisins, which can cause kidney failure in dogs).

Thumbnail: Photography by Shutterstock.

Read more on what to feed your dog on Dogster.com:

6 Essential Rules for Raw Dog Food

Dog Feeding Schedule: How Many Times a Day Should a Dog Eat?

Sardines for Dogs? Your Pup Can (and Should!) Eat Them

The post The Best Dog Food for All Life Stages appeared first on Dogster.

0 notes

jeffreyrwelch · 7 years

Text

The Best Dog Food for All Life Stages

What to feed a puppy

A Puppy eating by Shutterstock.

What to feed a growing dog

A year-old French Bulldog eating by Shutterstock.

Dogs in the age range of 6 to 18 months are ready for adult dog food. They need a lot of energy at this age, so a quality food with a good amount of calories is the best choice.

What to feed an adult dog

A six-year-old Groenendael by Shutterstock.

What to feed an older dog

A senior dog by Shutterstock.

How to add fresh food to your dog’s diet

Straus said you can improve commercial diets of all kinds at any stage of your dog’s life by adding fresh foods to her diet, including:

Lean meats

Eggs

Canned fish without bones (sardines, pink salmon, jack mackerel)

Dairy (yogurt, kefir, cottage cheese)

Fresh fruits and vegetables (as long as you stay away from grapes or raisins, which can cause kidney failure in dogs).

Thumbnail: Photography by Shutterstock.

Read more on what to feed your dog on Dogster.com:

6 Essential Rules for Raw Dog Food

Dog Feeding Schedule: How Many Times a Day Should a Dog Eat?

Sardines for Dogs? Your Pup Can (and Should!) Eat Them

The post The Best Dog Food for All Life Stages appeared first on Dogster.

0 notes