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lost25yearold · 6 years

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My little island called Saipan

I know I know, I said this blog wouldn't be about love and romance, cliches and whatnot, but Hey! it's my life so.

I used to question people, "can you really call someone the love of your life? Can there still be people capable to be honest and loyal in this generation?" I had my fair share of flings too and got my heart broken a few times as well, but among that hateful phase I had, I never stayed angry about my exes, and I never questioned my capabilities and insecurities, there is definitely nothing wrong with me if I was just honest and faithful, but having those experiences would really question yourself, the quality of the person, as well as if "humanity" still exists.

Anyway, let me tell you about my journey that happened in the summer of '17. I was messaged by an old agent if I wanted to go to Saipan, MP for free and no charge, and at that time, I was enrolled back to school after how I aforementioned failed my experience with working in the cruise ship, I was lost for a year not knowing what to do and how to do stuff anymore so I went back to school. Mainly, I went back to school because my grandma really wants me to go back and I have something going on progressive while I'm on a break. I've always saw myself as making every time and moment worth, like I could never just sit back and relax, even though I would lie down, my mind is always looking for something that I need to do and want to do. While going back to school my grandmother gave me a job to look over the apartment business, and take care of the household, but bottom line is, I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t fulfilling what I want in life, but what did I really want in life? So I did took the opportunity, I got the interview while I was going to Cebu and so I invited my bestfriend Tess, and how unexpected everything is because the interview was held on a phone, on a slow data and also in a public cafe, we had to be resourceful right?

Well we passed. We met the Director of Human Resource for Kensington Hotel, she was nice online and she gave us ideas on how this will work, quite to be honest, I was still half-hearted in taking the job, I didn’t even tell Dad and grandma that I had an interview. Anyway, I pushed that thought at the back just because I was meeting my other friend Kriza, for “Life Dance”. Its an outdoor party where it was held privately despite it an open party, there were cars, drinks, booze everywhere and I’m pretty sure there are also drugs. Before I forgot what happened at that night, we got really wasted on rum, tequila, beer and who knows what went into that night. After I semi blacked out, thats when we walked towards the concert, while I was almost passing out, I saw smiles on strangers I could never see in a normal environment. People were just letting go of everything, their problems, their insecurities and everyone’s guards. --- I wouldn’t want to talk about what happened to that party. Moving forward, I still haven’t enrolled myself to school for the 2nd semester because I was still half-hearted and gotten Mama and Dad curious if I’m still going to continue going to school; so I told them. They were happy and supportive of me but I can tell still that they got hurt on what I did, not telling them and also leaving them.

So me and Tess went to Manila for the Embassy and got our visas granted, I might suppose to tell you guys that I do have this personality that if I do not know or understand how my feelings intend me to feel, I shut people out, I shut everything out, I even shut myself out. I put myself into auto-pilot mode until I figure out what I should do, or until everything comes into place for me. I didn't really tell people about my new adventure because like I said, I wouldn't know how to handle their feelings and expectations for me. So the night came where my Dad and Grandma drove me to the pier for me to say goodbye, really hurt to the point that my ears were so red and hot, the last time I felt that when I had my heart broken by an ex. I know they were also trying hard to hide their tears and I try to avoid so hard to look at their eyes or else I would let go and cry like a baby. So I just hugged them so hard, kissed them on their cheeks, and wave them goodbye; the overnight trip to Cebu was so unbearable so I hid under the sheets and I cried.

The next days by myself in my hotel room, I just try to spend the remaining time with my friends Marc and Kriza just to avoid being alone. On the night to the airport, my friend Kriza offered me to stay in their house before she drops me to the airport, said my good bye and thank you's and I went inside those doors.

While waiting for my friend, I went to a cafe and just spend time with myself with coffee and reading some stuff online, a random stranger just went to me and offered me if he can buy me a drink. He was old, innocent enough and I guess he just wanted someone to talk to while he was still waiting for his flight, I politely declined his offer and told him I'm okay with my coffee and just waiting on my flight as well. He was very persistent in making small talks, so I stopped looking at my phone and told myself, what the hell, how can small conversation with this stranger possibly harm me in a public airport. So we just talked about him being here in the country visiting and checking up on his businesses here, how he would rather travel back and forth here in the country rather than him staying all alone in his house. I thought to myself, this old guy is lonely but he just try to live his life as possible as he could rather than being self-loathing and hateful. I had a good time talking to this guy until my time to check in came, we said our goodbyes and goodlucks, I thought to myself, will I ever see this guy again?

Tess came in drunk and forgot she had no money in her wallet for the terminal fee's and stuff, good thing I always bring extra cash with me just in case I got hungry or get something on a layover. So I let her borrow money and we got ourselves settled in, our first flight was to Korea and had a layover for a day, so I haven't had slept, she is sporting a hangover, adventure right? Korea has a good tourism system, where they would invite people who has layovers free tourism to see the beauty of Korea. I been to Korea clueless, cause obviously not really a fan, so why the hell not? While my friends are oggling on me, how lucky I got to be in Korea for free and not having any clue and not having any single care about the country, and them wanting to switch places. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against the country, it's beautiful, it's just not my cup of tea.

Wearing 2 year old jacket that never been laundry, I had my fair share of sneezing plus the country's weather is not helping as well. Spring.

Korea is nice and everything, but half sick, no sleep doesn't really help me enjoying the environment.

So we arrived in Saipan the next day, 3 in the morning, having a guy escort us to the dorm, really surprised us how nice their dormitories are, so I told myself not bad. We were asked to come in at 8am the same day, we get to meet the HR people, while trying so hard to be awake, good thing they let us off early to just sleep in for the day.

The next day, they gave us a tour and a little bit orientation, when we entered the kitchen, its okay I guess, not too big not too small. Met some of the people and the chefs. We felt like fresh faces and new puppies for them to give us hard time, but I knew how the kitchen works with men running it.

By the afternoon, they put us to work, I was put in hot kitchen, PM shift, and thats when I get to meet them. The one that talked to me first was Chef Anthony, he is Samoan, but really have an accent from the States, he was in the army too so imagine him shouting a lot but he is nice to me.

Anyway, first thing to do under his care, of course the men are going to come right at you and say their hellos and try to flirt with you, I'm not saying that I am a goddess of beauty, but that's just how the kitchen roles and working with men. Chef Anthony keeps shoo-ing the away too. Anyway, when he put me into some task, he also had his fair share of questions, "like if I have a boyfriend and what not", well I didn't have, so I said no just to make them stop pestering me. It gotten to a point that I got a little bit alienated because people just love asking questions. Anyway, he gotten me into a task to do something and had "someone" to teach me how to cut these meat fritters (kind of), he showed me how to do it, like the size and the cut, but when the executive passed by and saw my work, he told me its wrong. I felt so bad cause I thought that he was trying to put me in trouble and also its the first day of the job, nobody wants a bad impression from the chef. Other filipinos told me to be careful since sometimes these people would put you in trouble just so you won't take their position; that kinda gave HIM a bad impression already. I just shook it off and moved on to another task. The day passed by and the day finished, 10:30pm everybody was about to leave the kitchen, I put my hair down after a long day of work, and again everybody was shocked that I have long hair, I mean, what were they thinking, boy cut? Nope. I kept my hair long and shiny. People offered me ride and stuff, but I kept to myself and politely declined, just going to walk to the dorm, its not that far like maybe 10 min walk. HE on the other hand did offer but it wasn't him who were persistent, it was some of my filipino work mates. Like they're trying to push me to him, they kept on asking to just get in the car with them so they can be dropped off as well (since they live in the same dorm with me) , so I said fine! Just wanna go home, take shower and call it a night. Before that happened, a 10 min drive of constant whoowing. Jesus Christ.

Before I came to Saipan, my mind was only focused on the job, career, and my future. Having relationships and stuff like that never came into my mind and my heart, the last time I made that mistake was in Indiana, and I wouldn't want to go through that turmoil, I told myself.

I guess rumors grow like wild fire, people were cheering him, and telling me stories about him, like I did not even ask anything about him. There were also people giving me negative looks, telling me that I'm only after for a green card status or what not, Jesus Christ, I didn't even want to be on that ride on the first place.

Its just amazing how people or the crowd can put you in a situation where you didn't even asked for, but its inevitable that way I guess. Life is life. Full of joy and bullshit.

Anyway, he keep on flirting with me but not like a jock-flirt-kind of way, but he was so shy and timid, giggly and light to the eyes, but at that moment, all men looked the same for me, PLAYBOY.

I mean he is nice and friendly but I never really wanting to know him, until I made a friend with Kuya Ricardo Tengco, he taught me how the COLD Kitchen works and how living life in Saipan is and how it made him comfortable living there and making it a home, he was sincere and honest. I'd rather have conversations like that than all jokes and nonsense.

Ofcourse I was still missing my family, I try to keep in contact with them but it seems with schedule its hard. There were nights that I just miss them so much that I would cry and couldn't sleep the whole night. I wasn't in the best condition to be flirting and just live life away like that, I was missing my family.

The days passed by, he kept on visiting me in cold kitchen just to get any little chance he can to talk to me, like this one incident where I saw how innocent he really is. He said he was going to get an Inventory Paper, and I was feeling good that day so I flirted back a little, I said, "your head reminds me of a baby", he blushed so hard like a teenage girl, and I could feel his heartbeat in that distance and he accidentally took another paper and just ran out of the kitchen, well he walked out very fast. It still makes me laugh at this moment. Haha! (he did came back and realized that the paper he got was wrong so, he took the right one and walked away fast again)

Like I said, there were sad nights I go through and sleepless moments, but one night, he added me on facebook through Kuya Ricardo. Before I accepted him, Kuya Ric, asked my permission to give him my facebook account cause my account was private and I don't really add people I do not know. I told myself, why not?

He messaged me, "Hi Ganda" Ewwww! Even at that moment, I still shake at that thought of word, Yuck. Well can't really blame him since he doesn't know the words in filipino, and I guess some of my filipino work mates are just teaching him.

He asked me to hang out with him on his day off, to go to the beach. I told myself, I'm not going out with a stranger by myself. I told him no cause Tess has work. He then asked me what about the next day, well Tess is off so I really don't have any excuse. He brought us to the beach, had some home made food, drinks and water. He really thought about it, from towels and snacks. Tess keep pushing me to him too plenty times. He tries to put his arm around me shyly and just thought this guy is really innocent, something that I admire about him. He gave us tour from grotto, beach, to banzai cliff at the peak of noon time, gave me a migraine too, since I'm not customed to staying under the sun for long cause I burn and my head will hurt. It was nice but it was hot. Lol.

Nights pass by of dropping me to the dorm, to late night messaging, and giving me lunch all the time from outside, his perseverance really gotten into consideration. This guy is really serious. I told him to change shirt after work because he used to go home with a wet tshirt and thats just asking for a pneumonia, the next day he started changing shirt and putting on cologne. He brings me food when I feel sick and hungry at night.

One time I was off and he had school, he asked if he wanted to go out lunch with him, I said I need to get my check first, he said he'll buy me bento and don't worry about it, but I really need to get my check too in HR so we dropped by Kensington first, then we went to a beach behind it and had lunch together. That was the first time I went out with him alone, no Tess. Nothing happened, we just ate lunch and watched the beach. Although it was noon, hot and plenty flies. He was so shy about the flies but I didn't made him feel that I felt disgusted and just ate with him like nothing disgusting flying around. He told me stuff about his ex and his family, his wrestling stories, his fascination about Seahawks and I told him my story that I lived life in Indiana, thus being introduced to Colts and the American culture, and my past there. I briefly told him about my ex, nothing more nothing less, just the stuff that he needs to know, and the reason why I'm not into dating... yet. I told him that I am hesitant in meeting someone new and knowing that I'm going to be a temporary person to his life, I couldn't deal with that.

The time passed by, he dropped me off to the dorm while he had school at 3pm until 7pm. I slept the whole afternoon waking up dizzy and hungry. Tess was outside playing basketball with the boys, so I sat there watched them play, he messaged me what I was up to, and told him just watching the boys and Tess play, he said he'll be coming over.

The dorm mates were so surprised to see him , but he was there. Really showed up, the ex that I dated never did. Never were friendly to my friends but he was different. He really showed up! People were inviting him to play, he said no, but when I asked him to go play, he went. He's never been a basketball guy and I had to see that. Sorry.

The game finished, and I was hoping for him to go home, but he went inside the girls dormitory to drop me off my room, I'm like why? He said he wanted to make sure I'm safe, is he serious? Tess was also being annoying and told him yeah go on inside. So I wasn't sure what to do but I don't want him to be seen in the hallways so I invited him in my room. I didn't know what was going on but we talked about noses and he made an awkward remark and action how birds beak kiss like, and he got close to me, I felt like man this dude is trying hard, he swayed his nose to my nose and he suddenly kissed me. It was weird and awkward but it happened.

He wasn't forceful and I can really see how nervous he got that it made him look like he was about to cry, A for EFFORT right there.

I didn't know that if we are together already or that marks our first day of our relationship but we just continue talking like nothing happened.

The next day, went normal but awkward, our status haven't really been put up to which stage we are in, but eventually he asked when our first day of being together will be, and thats how we became boyfriend and girlfriends, I guess? The coming weeks, he brought me and Tess to meet his family, I felt like my heart is gonna explode because this is going to be new, to be meeting his family, especially his mom. My ex asked me to meet his mom, but it never happened, so I guess this would be the first time I met someone's family for real.

His family was adorable, sweet and kind. I met his Dad, I met his brother, Brandon, I met his Mom, I meet his little girl, Frantaysha. We were in the Pala Pala (like a small gazebo but with banana leaf instead) and we sat down there talk with his mom. Aunty Bonnie was the sweetest Mom I've ever meet, not to sugar coat, but she is, and it made me sad too that I wished I had a mom like her, my mom passed away when I was a little girl so never met her and never saw her aside from the pictures.

Every night since we became together, we would always hang out at PAU PAU beach near the dorm, just so we can be together because men aren't allowed in the girls dorm. On the night of June 25th, I sneaked in his birthday gifts and we waited there until midnight, I gave him his gifts, a watch, seahawks shoes, and an oakley shades, the look on his eyes, the excitement that he showed me, really melted my heart. I am a giving person, and I really appreciate people that would really show how happy and excited and appreciative they are to the things that I give them. He hugged me and he kissed me hard. And at that night, I knew I didn't just made someone happy, but it made me very happy as well.

His birthday came and he invited like the whole clan, when I got there, he grabbed me by the hand along with his little niece, he shouted to everyone to get everyone's attention, he introduced me as his girlfriend, and I probably was so red, surprised and proud (I guess) because no man ever did that to me, EVER! Nobody I met gave a show like that just to introduce someone like me. My heart just exploded and my mind went to bersek, I was so ashamed and but deep inside I was also proud. This MAN just snatched me off of my feet just by doing that. I got to meet his sister, his older brother, the family, the cousins, the whole CLAN I tell you.

He still does that today, he introduces me to his family and friends, as his wife like he is so proud to have me in his life.

I guess God wrapped my "forever" in a small island called Saipan.

#saipan #me #personal #life #love

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