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jowritesthingss · 4 years

Text

Motherfluffer

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Rating: Teen (for some swearing)

Content Warning(s): swearing, teasing, lemme know if there are any I should add bc I got nuthin’ atm lol

Length: 4,239 words

Brief Summary: A bullet fic about Janus’ hair, because this is one of the important things in life obviously. (Which, for the other five sides, it really is. Duh.)

TS Masterlist + AO3 Links

under his hat, Janus actually has really, really fluffy hair

it’s nice and soft and puffy and glossy and it’s honestly fricking beautiful because he takes so much pride in his appearance as a whole that he can’t just not take care of his hair, even if he hates it

which, he does, for that matter, hate his hair

it’s just...yeah, it looks nice, and it feels nice, but...it’s so fluffy and cute, and Janus of all people is most certainly not supposed to be cute, so in that it is utterly detestible, Janus thinks

hence why he is always wearing his bowler hat

it’s just seemingly nonsensical that deceit of all sides would have a mess of floof atop his head. it doesn’t look very serious or scary or snake-y at all, it doesn’t suit him whatsoever, and the decided lack of aesthetic of it all is horrid, if you ask Janus

(not that anyone would ask Janus, because none of the other sides know about his hair, nor will they ever know about it if Janus gets his way with it)

((he doesn’t. get his way with it, that is))

our story begins with that first Sanders Sides Asides, in which Roman steals Janus’ hat to use when they’re “voting” on which movie to watch together

contrary to popular belief, Janus does actually kinda-sorta want to join them all for movie night

(Frozen isn’t good, he totally hates it, he doesn’t identify with Hans at all and he totally doesn’t hate Disney for doing Hans a dirty with their last-minute decision to turn him into a bad guy)

besides, even Remus is going to this movie night thing, for goshsake

and even if the others still don’t really like him, surely they can tolerate being in the same vicinity as Janus if he’s quiet and shuts up and just watches the movie, right??

(he doesn’t even have to sit with them on the couch or hell, he doesn’t even have to be in the living room at all. he can just stand in the kitchen or sit on the stairs and watch from there if that makes them all feel better)

so Janus is preparing to get ready for the movie night

he’s wearing his darkest black capelet and his nicest silk yellow shirt and the slacks he knows make his butt look best, and he’s even doing actual fancyish makeup too to top it all off. and if asked he’ll say it’s just because Thomas had been planning on going out for the night, hadn’t he

(it’s not because he cares what the other sides think of him and how he looks. it’s not because they’re all stupidly attractive without even trying and because he’ll never be able to measure up to all that because of his goddamned snake face. it’s not because he wants to impress them. it’s not)

and at last, Janus is ready to ascend into the real world and descend down the stairs in swirls of darkness to rival even Virgil and dramatics to rival even Roman’s

and he goes to grab his beloved black bowler hat with the satin ribbon from its usual spot on a peg by his bedroom door and it’s not there where is it where—

Janus searches high and low and left and right and everywhere in his room he could think it would be and even some weird places, like the top of his wardrobe and in the toilet in his bathroom and under the trash can (not just in it, under) but he, he just can’t find it anywhere, where could it possibly have gone??

and he’s not like Remus or Roman he can’t just Imagine one into Being like they can so he doesn’t have anything else to cover his hair

(he’s not about to cry he’s not)

so when he hears the others thunder by his room and sink out to go watch movies with Thomas he thinks about sinking out with them, regardless of whether his hair is visible or not, but he shakes his head violently because he can’t he just can’t, the others still don’t really like him and they’ll just make fun of him and they won’t take him seriously anymore and it’s taken so much work fitting into this ominous villain persona just to get them to halfway listen to him already

(and he isn’t actually crying now he isn’t)

eventually he calms down enough to appear in the real world at the top of Thomas’ stairs, deciding to call out to the others at a break between movies, just to ask if anyone’s seen his hat without letting them really see him

and what should he see when he peeps out

but his hat

and it’s clutched in Roman’s attractive grubby hands

and he gets swept away in his anger at Roman for taking his precious hat without at least asking first, especially when he can literally just conjure his own fucking hat, dammit—so without thinking, Janus marches into the living room to take it back

he loses steam halfway down the stairs and shit he’s regretting his emotion-ridden decision but it’s too late to go back now

and even though Janus is pressing down on his hair and trying to hide it, it’s miserably obvious that his hair is a soft floofy mess even as his demeanor and expression are neither soft nor floofy

the others all stare and gape at his head, then they all exchange a Look with each other and he sees it and he knows what it must mean, he knows

he rushes out some sort of scolding at Roman, he’s not even sure what he said, really, just anything to distract them from his hair, only it doesn’t work, they’re still staring, why won’t they stop staring

he leaves the room as quickly as he can, leaving all dignity behind in his rush

but he can’t help but linger at the top of the stairs

Janus listens in on the others with bated breath and a sinking feeling in his chest, worried that they’re going to say something about his hair and yet he’s too much of a masochist to try and ignore it and leave

“oh. my gosh,” Patton says in awe, and he must be so in awe at how stupid Janus looks with his hair, he must be wondering how it’s even possible for someone to look so absurdly pathetic

(spoiler alert: nopenopenope. Patton trying to figure out how he never realized just how attractive Janus is)

“did you see his hair??” Roman says incredulously, and there’s some unknown emotion tightly contained in his voice. he must be trying hard not to burst into that boisterous laughter of his. Janus privately doesn’t think he looks all that bad, really, even with his scales and the halo of hair that surrounds him, but of course Roman of all people would find it especially silly and use it against him

(actually, Roman’s really just trying hard not to fangirl. that’s pure gay panic he’s trying to tamp down on babey)

“that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you dorks!” Remus says and god, that feels like a slap in the face to Janus. Remus ratted him out? just like that?? they’d been each other’s only friend for years and then Remus goes and gets accepted-ish by the light sides and then that’s it. just like that, huh.

(fuck that betrayal stings like nothing he’s felt before but he’s not going to let on about that)

Janus watches as the other sides clump together and begin discussing something even his most excellent snakey hearing can’t pick up, but he’s sure they’re insulting him and making fun of his hair

(spoiler alert: they’re actually just making a game plan to figure out how they can all touch his floofy hair and using Thomas as a sounding board)

and eventually he hears the other sides burst into laughter

which Janus, listening in, hears

and he’s hurt because he always knew they wouldn’t take him seriously how he is, things like that are the very reason he wore his hat in the first place, why did stupid fucking Roman have to take his hat and force him to reveal himself like this??

Janus slinks off, shoving the hat back down on his head, hard

and if he’s kinda heartbroken over it all, no way in hell is he about to acknowledge it

the whole rest of it just follows all the other sides just absolutely becoming obsessed with Janus’ hair and subsequently falling in love with him lmao

after that one time Roman took Janus’ hat, everyone just keeps trying to steal his hat the second he lays it down or takes it off for the night

(Patton shoves an entire pack of gum in his mouth all at once, cheeks puffed up like a chipmunk’s, and then as he passes Janus lying down and blep-ing in the afternoon sun he “accidentally” spits it all out on his hat just to get Janus to take it off to clean it.)

((he blinks once. once. once and Patton has torn it away out of his hands, reaching out a hand and mussing up Janus’ already-messy hat hair, and then dancing just out of reach, promising to go clean it for him as an “apology”))

so Janus starts wearing his hat more and more and more, regardless of the circumstances the others keep trying to catch him under

(“gee, isn’t it hot in the mindscape today!” Roman pants, shirtless and sweating his ass off, after having literally turned the heater up to eighty-four fucking degrees Farenheit, right as Janus watched him. “sure makes you wanna shed a few layers of clothing. hahaha. like...oh, I dunno, maybe that hat of yours...? and, ahm, maybe that lil cape and mmmaybeee your shirt too pretty pretty please?”)

((which, Janus does end up removing his shirt, only because Roman promises him half the money he bet Virgil on Janus having a six pack—and who knows why Roman’s talking to boyfriend about another man’s abs but hey, Janus isn’t one to judge—but the bowler hat stays firmly placed on top of his head))

(((that day his wallet expands by twenty bucks, and his satisfaction expands immeasurably when he sees Virgil next and the anxious side’s face immediately flushes dark red)))

((((yeah, that’s what you missed out on when you left the dark sides, ya lil bitch. ha))))

the other sides’ ploys to get his hat off of him and his hair in fluffing distance spiral more and more and more

once he even catches Logan—yeah, that’s right, stupid McSerious Mr. Logan N. Sanders (the N stands for Necktie)—trying to head a goddamn sting operation with his boyfriends, trying to take the hat from right off his head while Janus is reading in the mindscape’s living room

(there was a fishing pole, a grappling hook, a pair of Virgil’s surprisingly emo underpants, and an exorbitant amount of Cheez-Its involved and Janus really, really regrets learning this information)

((he totally steals that pair of MCR boxers when the Logan, Patton, and Remus aren’t looking though))

anyways

ahem

petty panty theivery aside, the other sides are all getting increasingly more desperate, and they’re not even bothering to hide it at this point, even

and Janus just doesn’t get why they’re trying so hard to embarrass him and insult him like this

like, maybe it’s because he totally schooled them after the whole wedding fiasco??

because Thomas did accept him, and technically the others did too, no matter how grudgingly, but he supposes that Thomas accepting him could have forced everyone else’s hands, so maybe this is their way of making fun of him even as they’re not supposed to verbally insult him anymore??

but regardless of why they’re doing it, now Janus has to take to wearing his hat everywhere

like, literally everywhere, or else it’ll be stolen if he so much as blinks or takes his eyes and hands off it for even a second

literally

remus tries to sneak up on him in the shower and grab his hat off the counter only to find a drenched Janus, fully naked save for the bowler hat, glaring sourly at him from the shower as he attempts to stealthily creep into the bathroom

he even has to wear the hat places like in bed, because otherwise the others Will take the opportunity to steal it

once he wakes up to Patton staring at him, the moral side’s eyes wide as he lays on the other side of his bed, one of his arms reaching out to Janus’ head and fucking caressing his hair

(and no, his stomach does Not do weird flips at that, it doesn’t)

((will he ever actually start to believe these lies he’s telling himself??))

everyone keeps finding more and more and more ridiculous ways to get Janus to take off his hat and more and more ridiculous places to accidentally “misplace” it

Janus still is convinced that they’re pulling all of this shit just because they wanna laugh at his hair and insult him

(but no! it is because they are all useless gays that rly rly rly like the floof of hairs on his head)

at some point Patton or Roman or someone literally just. fucking freezes his hat in a block of ice in the freezer

it is at this point that Janus decides he has had Enough

and at this point he can’t even lie to himself anymore and say that he isn’t crying

(and thank god he found his hat when going down to get a glass of water in the middle of the night, and not the following morning at breakfast, because then the others would see him so fragile like that and even if they’ve already seen his stupid fucking hair they certainly don’t deserve to see him this vulnerable)

but he carries the tub of ice with his precious hat in it back to his room, glass of water forgotten

and he’s silent but he’s shaking and he’s sobbing and he just. doesn’t know what to do anymore in response to any of this

because he’s just so, so tired of the others teasing him like this and he doesn’t know if it’s normal or not because he has no prior experience with them

—all Janus knows of the light sides is that back before the whole hat and hair thing started spiralling so far out of control, it was actually kind of nice to be around them sometimes

like, not to be cliché or anything

but passionately arguing over Disney with Roman and Virgil was really nice, reading and co-existing with Logan was an excellent wind-down from busy days, talking theatre and doing kinda-sorta-almost-horny-but-not-quite dirty dancing with Roman was fun, Patton was a surprisingly excellent co-conspirator for pranks, Remus and Logan were surprisingly excellent victims for said pranks, Virgil and he had finally made up and were maybe even flirting a little bit again, and things had just. they had been nice—

so excepting the whole hat and hair thing, things had been oh so nice and friendly and maybe even flirty between him and the other sides

only now it isn’t now it’s horrible and he just doesn’t understand why they can’t leave him alone already or at least stop beating around the bush and tell him why they won’t just leave him alone—

and god fucking dammit, it just hurts so fucking much because he likes them all so, so much that he can’t even pretend not to anymore. he likes them all, and he wants them all to like him too, but with all the pestering they’ve been doing it just doesn’t feel like they do

and like, is this mean-spirited or not? he honestly can’t tell, he can’t read any of them at all on this, and it’s so strange because usually he can

and, and maybe, just maybe, it isn’t, maybe they’re just flirting or teasing or all in fun or whatever, but still it hurts

then if it truly is mean-spirited, can’t they just tell him and leave him to lick his wounds in private instead of popping up literally everywhere and scaring him half to death?

but whatever the reason behind it all, the subterfuge and the glances when they think he’s not looking and the weird emotion on their faces when they watch him hiss and try to grab his hat back and all the mixed signals he’s getting now are too too much and—

—and Janus, he knows how to be quiet. he knows how to tell a lie. if they want to hate him and pretend to get along around Thomas it’s fine, it’s nothing he hasn’t dealt with before

(it’ll hurt like a bitch but he’ll be fine)

((he’s lying to himself again he won’t be fine))

but he’s just getting so much attention, and so much of it is on his hair, one of the things he hates the most about himself, and he’s

he’s just so tired

and so Janus, with a heavy heart, starts straightening his hair every morning without fail

he lets his hair go all greasy and unwashed and unkempt and it hurts him to stop taking care of himself like that, but maybe, just maybe, if he does they’ll all lose interest in his hair and finally just stop

only the others are actually? really devastated?? and genuinely concerned???

and so all the other sides corner him and ask him why

in self-defense (but also out of hurt) he somewhat nastily comments something along the lines of “what, so you can’t make fun of it anymore, huh?”

and the others are hurt and there’s a bit of shouting and anger until someone comes out and admits that like,,, “no dude you’re literally the hottest/cutest of all of us and uhhh we all love you and kinda wanna date you lol”

and then Janus is like

uhm.

what.

everyone is reeling from the reveal, and oh so confused, so at Logan’s insistence they all take a big step back to calm down from the confrontation that just happened

Patton offers to go make some hot cocoa and warm up some brownies for everyone to help them all de-stress a little bit, and Logan bustles off after his boyf to help him

Virgil insists that Janus take a bath to get all clean, and he actually offers to help Janus bathe

(god, that’s such a flashback to when they were younger, when things were easier)

((Janus bites back a strangled, choked-up laugh as he remembers him, Virgil, and Remus all squished in a tub together as children, only back then it was the two of them trying to make Remus wash his hair, not vice versa))

and this time Virgil asks before touching him, offering to wash Janus’ hair for him to help get the week-and-a-half’s worth of grime out of it, and Janus is tired and the water is warm and Virgil is safe(?) so he says yes and

and oh

Virgil’s hands scratch up against his scalp, soft and feather-light, and it actually feels really, really...good

there in that tub, Janus slowly starts to relax for the first time in what feels like months

then, when he’s done washing Janus’ hair, Virgil leaves to let Janus have some time to relax and soak in private

Janus sits there in the tub, head tipped back against the cool porcelain, relishing in the warm water surrounding him

he still doesn’t really know why the other sides have been doing what they’ve been doing

but all the same, he’s not quite so anxious about what they’ve been doing anymore

surely if Virgil of all people has been so soft

surely things can’t be so bad as he had himself convinced

(maybe things can be okay after all?)

when Janus finally gets out of the bath, Roman and Remus are standing wordlessly outside the bathroom, holding out a ridiculously fuzzy pair of yellow-and-black pajamas with cartoon snakes for him

and there, on top of the pajamas, his hat

no, no, wait a minute

that isn’t his hat, it’s a...a new one

...for him?

Janus looks up at Roman, who nods, his expression surprisingly shy, then he looks over at Remus, who grins almost nervously at him, looking at him weirdly delicately

the bowler hat is clean and shiny and velvety and black, with a satin yellow ribbon at the brim just like his old one, only this new one has small polka-dots that, upon further inspection, are actually really, really tiny versions of all the sides’ different insignias—so that a little piece of them all can be with him, Roman explains, even when Janus doesn’t feel comfortable actually being in their presence

(he’s not really sure how he doesn’t break down at that, but Janus manages to hold out until after he’s swathed in fuzzy warmth and after he goes downstairs to talk things over with the others)

the six of them make themselves sit down in the living room and talk it all out over hot cocoa and warm mushy brownies

Janus opens up about how he hates his hair, how he wears his hat to hide how fluffy and soft it is, how he thought that they would never listen to him or take what he says seriously because of it, how scared he was that they were doing it because they hated him, how overwhelmed he was over them showing up everywhere and invading his space and taking his hat and playing with his hair without at least asking first

and the others explain that they were just trying to have fun and flirt with them. that first time they saw Janus’ hair he hadn’t even technically been accepted by them yet, but nevertheless, even back then they only wanted to comment on how soft it looked. on their side, it had been a bet—to see who could get Janus’ hat off again next, to see who could touch Janus’ hair first and figure out what it felt like—but then it had morphed into gay panic and them all falling for Janus, hard

Roman, Virgil, Patton, Logan, and Remus all apologize big-time to Janus

they assure him that they hadn’t meant anything bad over it, and that they really did love him and want to all be involved with him, and that they would never actively try to maliciously insult or tease him like that, and that they didn’t realize that he wasn’t just flirting back when he protested the whole hat thing

(which, Janus realizes that he kind of had been back in the beginning, just a little bit, before the teasing went way too far)

but just because the others hadn’t deliberately meant anything mean doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt him, nevertheless

so the five of them acknowledge and apologize for not realizing Janus’ discomfort and for not ensuring that the environment was one in which he felt safe in admitting his discomfort to them

and Janus admits that, now he knows for sure that it isn’t anything bad, he really doesn’t mind them touching his hair or any other part of him, really, but they really need to ask first, because things that feel nice some times don’t feel so nice other times

so they all have a nice long talk about boundaries and about how consent extends way past just sexual activity

and what kind of hurt/comfort fic would this be if Janus isn’t passed around everyone’s laps while everyone softly peppers kisses all over him and reassures him that they love him and they love his hair and they love his scales and they love his everything? so naturally that happens, and it’s all very very mushy and sweet and cavity-inducing

and everyone assures Janus that he and his hair are fully worthy of love and that they’re happy to love both even as he can’t bring himself to love himself just yet—if he’ll have them all, that is

and Roman + Virgil ask Janus to date them, and Logan + Remus + Patton ask him to date them too because yay gays and yay polyamory

and maybe Janus is crying a bit after the others admit that they actually really like how he looks, snake face, fluffy hair, and all, maybe he’s crying as he says that yes, he really does like them all and want to be with them

but he’s not about to admit it, of course

besides, he’s got his head turned to kiss Roman, soft and chaste and long and sweet, and Patton’s in his lap with hands under his shirt, gently rubbing just above his hipbones, and Virgil’s pressed against his side, holding his hand and squeezing carefully, and Remus is on the floor, curled around his calves and playing with the fuzz of his pajama pants, and Logan massages at the base of his neck even as his brand new hat sits perched atop his head

so Janus most certainly has an excuse for not admitting anything (or saying anything else, really) for a long, long while

Fin

Why is this literally over four thousand words what the fvck

Anyways, maybe one day I’ll write this like a proper fic, but in the meantime I wanted to share it as a bullet fic! :) If you want to create something yourself that’s based on this, be it writing or art or whatever, please feel free to! PLS do tag me tho bc fluffy-haired Janus is LIFE and I want to see it ALL. o.O

Want to be added onto any of my taglists? Shoot me an ask or a message here or via my other social media!

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makeste · 5 years

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BnHA Chapter 244: Have You Read This Book

Previously on BnHA: Deku visited his mom on New Year’s Eve and was all “here’s a new letter from my ever-expanding fanclub of adorable preschoolers whom I saved from trauma” and Inko was all, “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU IZUKU I FEEL LIKE I DON’T HAVE TO PROTECT YOU ANYMORE” because she doesn’t watch the news at all or keep track of ominous plot developments I guess. The next morning, a.k.a. New Year’s Fucking Day, while other kids their age visited shrines or sat at home watching TV, Izuku, Shouto, and Katsuki were bussed off to go be child soldiers at Endeavor’s hero agency. Katsuki was all “HEY ENDEAVOR YOU’RE KIND OF A DICK,” and Endeavor was all “SHOUTO IS THIS VULGAR AND PUGNACIOUS YOUTH REALLY YOUR FRIEND” and Shouto was all “TOO LATE DAD, YOU SAID!!” and Endeavor hmmphed and booked it out of there and the kids all followed him and there was this old dude with a beard floating around screaming about END TIMES!! and Hawks was there and, what?? Seriously does anyone actually know what’s going on?

Today on BnHA: Endeavor chases down the old man (who may in fact be an actual prophet, though? Horikoshi what games are you playing) and sets him on fire and tackles him and it’s all very violent. Hawks then appears out of nowhere and breaks up BakuDeku’s tag team effort all “SAVE IT FOR THE MOVIE YOU TWO!” and is then all “hi Shouto” and “hi, you must be Midoriya, Tokoyami told me all about you, I wanted to work with you too, BUT -- [stares off angstily into the distance].” Then, because I forgot that Hawks never shuts up, he’s all, “Hey Endeavor have you ever heard of this book, ‘Paranormal Liberation Front’? Don’t let the really dumb-sounding title put you off, it’s actually a rousing tale full of hidden clues about all the bullshit I’m actually up to. I highlighted the relevant portions if you can’t be assed to read it, well anyways, Hail Hydra.” “Well that was a strange conversation,” Endeavor thinks to himself as he stares uncomprehendingly into the void. Sob someone please help them why are they so bad at this oh god.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

so thanks to that little stunt Horikoshi pulled two weeks ago, our chances of finding out Bakugou’s hero name any time within the next dozen chapters are slimmer than ever. probably he’ll reveal it at the end of the arc instead. it’s like he doesn’t even care about the databook. whatever I’ll have plenty of time to sulk more about it after I get to readin’

anyway the title of the new chapter is “Recommendation”, so... actually that does sound fairly promising, though? am I just eternally doomed to get my hopes up? is this referring to Shouto pestering his dad to take on his two best friends as fellow interns? what’s going on here

anyway so we’re opening with this

I love that it’s the two supposed goody-two-shoes kids who are actually being vocal about blatantly disregarding Endeavor’s orders. Shouto is just not having it to begin with, whereas Deku at least is trying to rationalize his own reckless behavior. Katsuki meanwhile is too focused on doing this fancy kick move to switch his suitcase from his left hand to his right to bother talking right now. reminds me of him playing with the soccer ball as a youngling

also the fact that his case is number 17 and Deku’s is number 18. have I talked about this before? I think I have but it was with some other numbered thing. anyways love the symbolism of him trying to stay one step ahead of him and Deku always being right on his heels. or maybe I’m reading too much into it but anyways rivals, yay

damn Endeavor is really determined to get ahead of them though

uh oh Horikoshi how much action did you pack into this chapter. starting to run out of time to finish all your panels again huh. you had a whole extra week! how fucking insane is this arc going to be holy shit

anyways Endeavor way to leave your brand new interns behind minutes after meeting them for the first time smdh. this is exactly how it went down with Hawks and Tokoyami

okay so like, I know a flash fire is an actual thing, but for a second I started wondering if in this kind of context (with him speeding off), it might also be a reference to the DC hero. then I remembered that the name of Endeavor’s technique is different in Japanese and the pun probably doesn’t translate. ah well

anyways dude is fast. but I wouldn’t count the kids out yet, they’re all pretty fast too!

so now we’re back downtown with Old Man Doom And Gloom, and oddly enough it seems that this isn’t actually an out-of-the-ordinary occurrence?

fucking quirk society. you guys are just so desensitized to the most bizarre fucking things. but I guess we in the 21st century are hardly ones to talk ourselves sigh

anyway now he’s being a bit more extra than usual and they’re starting to worry

?? the fuck is that? that sure as hell isn’t Hawks or Endeavor lmao. IF IT’S SLIDIN’ GO I SWEAR TO GOD

or wait, is it still the old man talking? should I actually be paying attention to his ramblings, my bad

is that a fucking Spirit Bomb

(ETA: in truth this is the most badass attack name that has ever existed or will ever exist and I should give it its proper due actually.)

so now I guess he’s hurtling it at them??

...hold up one sec

“revelations from the universe, I have received. flee, flee good citizens. the Dark Lord’s lips curl into a wicked crescent” -- holy shit, this all tracks?? IS THIS DOOMSDAY CRACKPOT MOTHERFUCKER ACTUALLY RIGHT ON THE FUCKING MONEY HOLY SHIT. ARE YOU A WITCH GOOD SIR. DID YOU WRITE A BOOK OF HIGHLY ACCURATE AND DEVASTATINGLY WITTY PROPHECIES BY ANY CHANCE

“the end is nigh! the wicked stars are conspiring against us! we must stop them! the earth is on the verge of being engulfed by darkness! flee, my fellow citizens! I am the one who shall destroy this source of darkness! be revealed! servants of the dark lord, come forth!”

okay listen. if he’s aiming this fucking thing at Hawks, though, after a speech like that? fuck it, I’m a believer. I’m sorry old man, I wrote you off without a second thought and here you are being the only one who’s actually like “HELLO!!!? PEOPLE!!!? THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS!!?! THEY HAVE AN ARMY!!? AND NOUMUS!??! FUUUUUUUUCK”

and I don’t know where you’re getting your information, but those are some legit-ass universe revelations. fucking even talks about the “Dark Lord” specifically only describing his lips. because he doesn’t have anything else to describe nowadays, face-wise. shit that is spooky

anyway so that sure was unexpected. let’s see what shenanigans Master Roshi here is gonna get himself into next

did my boy just get fucking flashfired. jesus Endeavor show some fucking mercy

...

someone want to explain to this man the concept of a proportionate response? anyone? ...

fucking Todorokis I swear to god. if they weren’t all so good at being amazing superheroes, they could easily fall back on a career of being dramatic bitches for hire instead

anyways when did Endeavor change his clothes. this dude was wearing a turtleneck and slacks thirty seconds ago. did he literally just burn them off. how. what. fucking plot holes left and right

lol imagine if like on the next page the interns finally catch up and they’re like holding his fucking jacket and looking peeved

-- holy fucking shit, Endeavor

not cool, dude!! what the fuck. this isn’t a fucking Noumu for fuck’s sake THAT IS A HUMAN PERSON

(ETA: I guess he ended up being okay, but shit, for a moment it looked like we were going full blown Raiders of the Lost Ark over here. anyways the moral of this story is that Endeavor is terrifying, fuck.)

so now of course Nostradamus is trying to get the fuck out of there, because if he sticks around Endeavor apparently has no qualms about burning him alive. fuck me Endeavor, I’m still rooting for your redemption arc my dude, but tbh if Dabi happens to pop up out of nowhere here looking for some revenge I’m not gonna say no to it right now. quit burning people alive!!

so now 12/21/2012 is zooming down an alley and Endeavor is zooming after him and telling some extra with a sword to stay and lead the evacuation

oh??

Endeavor have you flown yourself right into a trap?

oh my god what the fuck is this

it’s like Dabi VS the Liberation Army all over again. fucking check all these motherfuckers who apparently want to get themselves deep fried. this one guy really thinks he’s going to clock the Number One with a piece of fucking PVC pipe

LMAOOOOO

LOOKS LIKE WE GOT OURSELVES A RUCKUS, BOYS! you better believe I have the Powerpuff Girls theme song playing in my head right now

-- !!!

HAWKS!! I WAS STARTING TO WONDER IF YOU REALLY WERE THERE TOO OR IF THE PANELS IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER WERE DELIBERATELY MISLEADING

LOOOOOOL

pour one out for these poor sobs who somehow got themselves caught up in an accidental pincer attack between the dynamic fucking duo and fucking Angry Bird here. where the fuck is Shouto btw. or is he the one that got stuck carrying Endeavor’s jacket

loool look at Hawks out here making friends

SURPRISE BITCH

oh my god though you guys look at this??

HELLO SURPRISE NEW FAVORITE SERIES OF PANELS, CAN I JUST TAKE A MOMENT TO LOVE ON YOU A BIT HERE, BECAUSE

1. Bakugou and Deku IN PERFECT SYNC, not even thinking about it. just effortless. that was an amazing tag team thing you guys had going on before SOMEONE stepped in and ruined it all omg. do you want me to talk to Hawks for you. I’ve been meaning to discuss some other things with him anyway so it’s not like it’d be going out of my way. can you believe this fucking pigeon blocked my number. WHERE IS JEANIST YOU BASTARD

anyways 2. “I thought Endeavor might have been in a tough spot” that’s a funny way of saying “I was lonely and missed my angry arson dad”! and fucking look at this ridiculous bantering between them. “did it look like I was in a tough spot?” I FUCKING CAN’T YOU GUYS PLEASE STOP

and 3. Shouto just watching. is he impressed by his dad? or just trying to figure out whether Hawks is his dad’s adopted son or boyfriend. I’m pretty sure it’s the former, Shouto, but I don’t blame you for being confused, Hawks just has that kind of energy with everyone

oh my god

somebody arrest this man. I can’t fucking deal with your cheeky fucking face Hawks

is Skeptic getting all of this?? are they sitting there with bowls of popcorn back at the League of Pliff HQ trying to figure out whether Endeavor and Hawks are dating

...and shit, I just realized the League officially knows now that the disaster trio is interning with the number one. so that’s fucking great. not that it would have been a secret for long, but still, things are officially starting to get real. in hindsight, after the Kamino arc we had a nice long stretch of chapters in which Deku, Kacchan, and Shouto were not in immediate danger from the main fucking villains, so that was nice while it lasted I guess. those days will soon be behind us

ahhhklkljkl

fucking shit Hawks could you be any more ominous. oh my god this arc really is going to kill me

so now we’re cutting away to somewhere. Pliff?

-- oh, nope, still in the same place, we just fast-forwarded to the part where the police came to haul all the bad guys away

and now the manga is being all clever and foreshadowing-y and would you look at this

BUT IS HE TALKING ABOUT ENDEAVOR, OR HAWKS omg. or hell, he could even be talking about Deku. or AFO even though he’s not actually there. point is, you know he’s not actually wrong. but what is he actually trying to tell us ahhhhhh Servant of the Stars please reveal your secrets

(ETA: in all seriousness you guys, I’m fully down for counting this as a prophecy. it’s already canon that future-seeing quirks are a thing, so. the only problem is that this is some Game of Thrones-level ambiguity as far as who he’s actually talking about. it seriously could be anyone. anyways at least we’ve got some shiny new theory material to play around with here so that’s nice.)

LMAO

HAWKS YOU BASTARD, JUST LIKE THAT I’VE FORGIVEN YOU FOR THE FUCKING JEANOCIDE

how does every single person Deku meets not greet him this way?? I sure as hell would. “well if it isn’t the kid who just. fuckin blew up his own hands on live television, multiple times. salutations”

anyways where’s Katsuki, the boy whose previous hero mentor you murdered in cold blood but he doesn’t actually know that yet. when are we gonna start in on that?

Hawks says he’s heard about Deku from Tokoyami. and he even says he would have liked to work with Deku too, wow. that’s high praise

ffffff here it comes, THAT GOOD HAWKS ANGST. WE WERE WAITING FOR THIS BUT IT’S STILL BRUTAL GAH

is this entire arc just going to consist of Hawks saying cryptic things with double meanings known only to him and then glancing sideways at the camera all broodingly omg

AH, THERE HE IS

Katsuki’s natural instinct to dislike 100% of newcomers on sight might work out to his advantage here. Hawks’s maxed-out Charisma stats VS Katsuki’s middling Perception stats which nonetheless have a tendency to land high whenever he performs an ability check! I might need to back off from this metaphor though before it becomes really obvious that I don’t actually play D&D

lol

omg Endeavor can’t a guy just drop in on his grumpy pal out of the blue to make sure he’s doing okay without having some sort of ulterior motive? why are you so sure that Hawks showing up means that plot must be happening. because you’re not wrong, is the thing. but he’s probably just being standoffish for show

holy shit and now Hawks is just pulling out the Liberation Army’s book just like that?? IS HE ALLOWED TO DO THAT

(ETA: “let’s see, what’s a subtle way I can try and clue Endeavor in on the fact that I’ve become an undercover agent in the Paranormal Villain League of Liberation Front Armies. ... ...shit I’m not good at this.”)

and since when was this book called “Paranormal Liberation Front”?? did they change the title to match the new name?

and what’s Hawks’s game here, though? is he going to play it as though he’s secretly investigating Pliff? you know, like he actually is doing? is this some kind of hiding in plain sight thing or what

guys. is Hawks just... actually really bad at being a secret agent. omg

so he’s all “DESTRO’S IDEALS ARE EVERYTHING WE COULD ASK FOR” and lol what. fucking look at Endeavor’s face though

this motherfucker could use a boost of his own wisdom stats, fff

(ETA: swear to god he’s two seconds away from a Katsuki-style “hah?!”)

oh my god

fucking fuck me. he better have highlighted a really obvious section of that book, because otherwise I’m not gonna hold out hope for this message getting across at all. at least we know what that “recommendation” title was referring to now I guess

(ETA: Endeavor: [reading the highlighted section backwards] “‘‘it’s fun to smoke marijuana’!? what in the --”)

loooool

the fate of the world now rests upon Endeavor’s abilities to See Underneath The Underneath and somehow decipher that when Hawks says, “ENDEAVOR I CHASED YOU DOWN IN ORDER TO GIVE YOU A COPY OF THIS BOOK THE VILLAINS WROTE, I THINK IT’S REALLY KEEN AND YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT”, what he’s really saying is, “ENDEAVOR I NEED YOU TO INVESTIGATE THIS SUSPICIOUS ‘LIBERATION FRONT’ THAT’S BEEN COINCIDENTALLY GATHERING A LOT OF ATTENTION SINCE THAT SHADY INCIDENT IN DEIKA CITY WHERE ‘TWENTY GUYS' BASICALLY DESTROYED AN ENTIRE TOWN. IF YOU’RE TOO DENSE TO PICK UP ON ANY OF THAT, I HIGHLIGHTED THE RELEVANT PORTION OF THE BOOK SO HOPEFULLY EVEN AN OBLIVIOUS DUMBBELL LIKE YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT.” jesus christ

at least Endeavor now has some nerdy interns who fucking love to read. hell, Deku has probably already read the book. please help this dumb jock to understand his bird son’s coded message, Deku-Wan Kenobi, you’re our only hope

and that’s the end of the chapter! except that I heard there was a new poster for Heroes Rising that was released as well! how come it wasn’t included here now I have to go hunt it down

son of a bitch is this really the best quality that’s available? damn

well all right. not really much going on here that’s a big revelation or anything, aside from the surprise inclusion of Hawks in the upper right hand corner. did we know he was going to be in this? and like, even if the anime does make it as far as his debut in season 4, will it have reached that point by the time the movie premieres in December? glad I caught up beforehand if they’re gonna start spoiling things like this

so that’s all she wrote for this week! databook is due out next week so that should be fun! we’re finally going to get Hawks’s real name from what I understand. so I can start yelling at him using his full name like a disappointed mom. I have a feeling that’s going to come in handy a lot during this arc. go to your room young man

(ETA: and just watch it be the Japanese equivalent of “Judas McMurder” or some shit. smh. y’all. we stan a shady bitch.)

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eaglebones-falconhawk · 5 years

Text

ok. heres a write up of my astro weekend. sorry it’s so long.

...or at least everything i can remember.

i guess i’ll go in order.

thursday:

thursday was in athens. i sat around my airbnb room for a bit and then finally decided to go check out a shop around 2 pm. well apparently that fuckin shop was literally next door bc as soon as I turned around from loading up the parking meter, Birdstuff was there with the sound guy (his friend). I said hi and we talked for a bit, then I went into the store. I got a cool sweater and a cute dress and the girl at the counter took my picture to put on their instagram. I checked out a few more shops in the area before I went back. Also, Reel Big Fish were playing literally right up the road and I heard them rehearsing.

I got to the venue right before the doors opened and ran into a guy from the fan facebook group. we talked for a bit and he said he flew in from new york for the show. super nice dude. I went in and no one checked if i had a ticket or id’ed me or anything. kinda weird. Anyway i just kinda sat there for a while while people came in. avona nova waved at me when she showed up, then coco said hi later while I was talking to someone. the other guy was like “you know that guy...i feel like i should know him!” I had to tell him who it was, I thought that was pretty funny.

I also saw Birdstuff again before their set. He gave me a setlist but only if i promised not to look at it. I shoved it in my pocket and forgot about it til the next day. lol. Their set was really good. They opened with one of my favorite songs, and played the MST3K theme song. They also played one new song. Coco grabbed my head during one of the intro samples. Birdstuff also fed a chunk of pizza to the guy next to me. Oh shit, I almost forgot about Pylon. They played before astroman and were AMAZING. Also Vanessa (the singer) told me she liked my jacket when i picked up their new record from the merch table. I’m really really glad I got to see them.

After the set I stuck around to say hi and stuff. Me and my new buddy from the facebook group both talked to coco for a bit. I showed him my tattoo and he said he’d make sure i’d be on the guest list for the rest of the weekend buuut that never happened. I dont think he was lying or forgot but I never did get on that guest list :/. I gave him and everyone but star crunch some stickers. Avona Nova asked me about my shoes, and she was so into them. It was adorable! I love her. That’s about it for thursday night. Friday:

The friday show was in atlanta. I went to check out the botanical gardens in athens before i left town. it was unsurpisingly not that great on the last day of november but i still enjoyed it. it was nice to go for a peaceful walk through nature and i still got to see some cool plants. I left and drove to atlanta and went to my favorite shop in little 5 points, then left because i didnt wanna deal with people or traffic anymore. (i still got stuck in traffic). I did get a cool MoAM magnet though.

The show in atlanta was in the same place i saw them last year- except they expanded so the venue was about twice as big. i got there kinda early (they also opened the doors way later than advertised) so i sat with one of birdstuff’s friends/the sound guy for a while. hes a really nice guy and showed me pictures of his cats. he also introduced me to some other people that work at saturn.

the merch table was on the old stage and i fell a little bit and almost spilled my drink on star crunch who was unloading tshirts. he was like “oh...hi”. after the show he told me his dog died :/

the first 2 opening bands were kinda weird but i had fun watching them. Arcwelder played and I really enjoyed seeing them. I think i’m gonna try and get some of their cds. I saw coco in the audience again and i think he waved at me but i cant remember if he said hi. my new buddy was kind of impressed that any of the band members did say hi though. lol. i think avona nova musta said hi that night too bc at some point he was like “you’re like the astro-insider”. I thought it was hilarious.

The set for this night was pretty great. they opened with With Automatic Shutoff again but it sounded way better. they also did a few improv songs, and played the mst3k song again, but it wasnt on the set list. Coco fell at some point during the set and kicked me in the face a little bit. I told him afterward and he felt really bad. He also knocked over one of the monitors when he fell, and i had to hold it up with 2 other guys to keep it from falling. I got to wear coco’s helmet for a minute but its heavy and smelly so i put it on someone else as soon as i could. also henry (the guy who put all the shows together as his birthday party) told me he was really glad i came. it was kinda weird but it was nice. kinda made me wanna cry though.

After the show i stuck around for a bit. this time i did get to talk to the band a bit more. I asked star crunch how he was doing and he was like “i’ve had better weeks....my dog just died” UM. OKAY. he did seem really sad though. i feel bad for him. hes such a nice man. We talked for a bit and I gave him some of the stickers i made. birdstuff knew i was going to drive from atlanta to birmingham for the next show so he offered to find me a place to stay as they all claimed “the drive back was really boring”. star crunch was like “you could stay with my parents, my dad could teach you how to line dance.” lmao. him and coco also told me about a time they apparently both interviewed and applied for the same job, with the idea that theyd both work the same position for like half the year and get twice the amount of work done, so they could tour the rest of the year. i had to tell him that basically the same thing happened in an episode of its always sunny in philadelphia. lmao. i talked with them all for a while before they started leaving and stuff. i mean i didnt have anything better to do. i said see ya later and got an uber home. my airbnb was cold as shit and i didnt sleep very well.

saturday:

the saturday show was at Saturn in Birmingham. and it was perfect. i slept as late as i could then just chilled in my airbnb (it was a converted airstream trailer- hella cool but kinda cold in late november/early december) until it was time to go. i packed all my shit but wasnt really sure if i wanted to stay in Bham because i figured i’d have to stay with a stranger or something. the drive from atlanta to birmingham really wasnt that bad, but i’m also not a 40 year old man. I got to bham way earlier than i expected so i went and tried to get something to eat. the sandwich i ordered was amazing but i just wasnt hungry. did i mention i have appetite issues when i travel? because i barely ate anything all weekend. anyway i went to saturn and just sat around for a while til i met another person from the facebook group. which was nice, because i basically wasn’t alone at any of the shows. this guy was also super nice. avona nova came up and said hi and asked me about video games? i wasnt feeling good and i was really confused when she said that. it was still cool she said hi though. she’s so sweet.

once again i wasnt on the setlist even though coco told me twice he’d make sure i was on there. i was kinda mad about it til he came up before their set and asked if i got in okay. (he also startled me when he did this because he came up from behind). Arcwelder played again this show and they were really good again. Tar was also super good and the singer told me he liked all my space shit after the show. he was really nice.

This show was played on the floor with a huge parachute as a backdrop. it looked awesome and made for a nice intimate setting. the band came through the audience instead of from the back and scared the hell out of me when they came up from behind me.

This show was probably my favorite of the whole weekend. I think the set was a little longer but they also just sounded great.

early on in the set star crunch’s microphone was like, electrified and it shocked him in the middle of a song. he put his guitar up to it to prove it and there was a bright spark. someone said “put a sock on it” so coco, being the fucking weird man he is took his shoe off and offered his sock to star crunch. but like its a sock and your mouth goes real close to the mic so he was like “no!!” coco just threw his fucking sock into the audience and played half the show with only one shoe on til the rest of the band made him put the other one on (with no sock).

the theremin broke at some point during the set (it fell...but a cymbal also fell and broke the cord. who knows which truly broke it) so they almost didn’t play principles unknown, but birdstuff had the sound guy put a bunch of reverb on the mic and made coco do the fucking theremin noises with his mouth. and it was fucking incredible. he did it like, perfectly and TBH it was amazing to witness. i got it on video and i’m so glad i did.

coco put the space helmet on me again during this show, and i tried to take a selfie with it but it didnt save :/. oh well. it got passed around the audience and everyone that got it seemed super happy.

they played the mst3k song one more time this show, and birdstuff dedicated it to me :) he said something like “she drove all the way from fucking new zealand!” and this guy with a real heavy southern accent tapped my shoulder and was like “new zealand?” no...just iowa. lmao. it was so cool he did that, though. i’m really hoping someone recorded the whole show so i can go back and listen to it later.

birdstuff did his regular drum kit sculpture but this time he stole a bunch of people’s belts (yes....he asked the audience for belts and then took them) and hung the snare drum from the ceiling. the second funniest part of the show was watching people try to find their belt from the pile.

after the show i saw another guy in a jumpsuit so i went to tell him i liked it, just for solidarity i guess? turns out he went to high school with coco. weird! he was a super friendly guy and was kind of enthralled with my outfit. he took a picture with me and coco lol.

I asked coco if i could take a picture with all 4 of them. i hadnt done it yet and i was like why not! its a special weekend!. he was like “yeah! if we can get everyone all together” which yeah, took a while. i also made sure i asked star crunch since he usually disappears first.

there were some teenage girls there who were trying to get the band’s autographs, and it was awesome. they were nice and i hope they had a good show. one of them told me she thought star crunch was cute. lmao. i kinda wish i’d gotten some autographs but i had such a good weekend, it doesn’t matter.

i hung around until finally we got everyone in one room so we could take a picture. my bud for the night from the facebook group also got to take a picture with them.

birdstuff asked again if i wanted to stay there, and i was like “sure!” mostly just so i could say i did it. man, it was an awesome place. they put in some rooms and bunks above the venue so bands could sleep there. none of the bands that played that night stayed though, so i got the whole front room to myself. birdstuff showed me around and tried to get netflix on the tv to work but couldnt so he just showed me where the dvds were. i found a simpsons dvd and watched that.

let me tell you- staying the night in saturn, watching the simpsons after an amazing MoAM show where they dedicated a song to me and then i got to hang out with them for a bit, that’s my idea of heaven. it was such a perfect night. i also took some pictures in the upstairs of saturn, partially because i wanted to be able to prove i was there, but also because the art and decorations were fucking awesome. such a good night.

i did have to take a shower without a shower curtain though. birdstuff couldnt fix that. i didnt even care though.

sunday:

the sunday show was in atlanta again, at a place called whirlyball. now what i didnt know about this place was that its not a fucking venue but basically an arcade. or well, more like, its this sport played on bumpercars with lacrosse sticks. theres 2 courts and a few games in the lobby, oh and theres a stage too. what a weird place. i was starting to feel sick by this day so i just sat on the couch for a while. avona nova sat on the couch next to me and we talked for a minute, and the others said hi when they saw me.

i watched people play whirly ball for a bit, chilled while the first band played, then while the next band set up i went and found a bar chair in the lobby. one of the OTHER guys from the facebook fan group came and said hi and gave me an envelope with a ton of cool MoAM flyers in it. he also printed one of the pictures i took at the friday show and made me a custom record with that as the insert cover. it was fucking awesome but unexpected, i hadnt seen this guy all weekend even though he was at the other georgia shows.

this was an all ages show so there were a few kids there. (including coco’s kid, she was adorable). pretty standard set again. i was feeling kinda crappy so this show felt weird to me, but it was still a lot of fun. at the end they pulled up a few kids to play bass and drums, and it was awesome. i found those kids after the show and gave em some stickers. they were so excited.

i waited around after the show for a while again. avona nova told me she was gonna find the merch they brought so i could get some pins for my friends but mostly i didnt want to leave. she also asked if i wanted to take another picture with all 4 of them but star crunch and birdstuff were out of sight so i just took one with her, and then coco. shes so sweet.

i met one more dude from the facebook group, this time a guy that came with his kid. they were both so excited to be there and it was adorable. he saw one of the pictures i had posted of a huge leaf i found at the georgia botanical gardens and showed me one he had taken earlier that day of his son with the same type of big fucking leaf (it was as big as him!). I gave them some stickers, and then they left. i think they had a bit of a drive.

i hung around for a bit longer, talked to a few more people but there wasnt anything special really. some ladies really liked the jumpsuit i wore (lol). eventually i was ready to leave and birdstuff gave me a hug ( :)) ). he was worried about me driving back and offered to find me a hotel room. he also said to “make sure you stop at a rest stop if you start getting tired” which is exactly what my mom would say, lmao. it was sweet though. i said goodbye to him and daniel (the sound guy) and left.

i got gas and then cried while i was driving because i had such a perfect weekend and i wasnt really ready for it to end. but like i was getting sick and ready to go home. anyway i drove home overnight (like 10 hours).

anyway i had the most fun i’ll probably ever have for the rest of my life and it was worth the long fucking drive. my only regret is being too anxious to eat and not doing more shopping.

thanks for reading this, if you did in fact do so. part of this was just to act as a journal if i want to go back and look at it later.

sorry its so long.

#MOAM #long post #h205o #astro weekend 18

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