#tbh I think I'm kinda go hard on it

[glass-expanse]

pfft not me painting flowers in GIMP again because my friend's wedding colors she's thinking about are inspiring me

#tbh I think I'm kinda go hard on it #like I just finished a toffee rose and it looks surprisingly good? #but that means I have to hand paint all the hydrangea flowers...

[essenceofarda]

.

#still think abt the time an (adult) male relative told me (when i was 10) that I 'needed to lose weight or no man would ever find me sexy' #which IDK feels like a shitty thing to say to anyone but especially a girl who had yet to even reach puberty lmao #and who wasn't even That overweight at the time Nor had body image issues until that moment going forward lol #ironically... I ended up having some ED issues and gained a bunch of weight from then on #mainly bc i had some CSA trauma in my early childhood way before that conversation so I internalized the idea #that if I was fat no man would give me unwanted attention #however... this thought process (on top of other things) led me to believe for almost my entire life that no man would find me attractive #or like me or love me at ALL unless I either lose a bunch of weight and maybe not even then #which is kinda why I'm overall uninterested in men even if the attraction is technically there? #I lost interest in even male Friendships tbh bc i internalized this idea that no man would be interested in me even platonically 🤔 #anyway. just something I'm working through in therapy but every once in a while I wonder why it's so hard for me to lose weight #and then I remember... ah yes.. '✨trauma✨' lol #funky's personal tag #delete later probs #anyway. I can't really talk about this stuff easily outside of therapy irl so I just be yelling into the void sorry guys :(

[thedreadvampy]

I tried listening to Olivia Rodrigo and I'm sure this is really good for its target audience of Teen Girls Going Through A Breakup but has she actually ever put out a song that isn't about a guy cheating, breaking up with her and moving on to someone else?

like babe he's not coming back it's been 2 years you gotta find something else in your life

#red said #it's not to my taste. tbh #content aside pop music is going through a very early 2000s breathy oversinging phase #hated it with xtina and alanis hate it with ariana and olivia sorry #it's a personal taste thing but to me however hard you go with the backing track that kind of soft pretty vocal style kind of #drags it back into midtempo sludge for me #also tbh it's just extremely normal music. like i went over to her yt bc people were talking about how Weird vampire is #it's not though????? it's super not???? #anyway the only one I've got anything out of is good 4 u cause she sounds more involved and less self-pitying on it #every other Olivia song I've heard sounds kinda the same bc they all have the same earnest self-pity vibe #which is what a lot of people need out of music! music that makes them feel the depth of their anger and sadness! #but idk it's never done it for me i like there to be something of a tongue in cheek or a hysterical edge #i think most of the songs I've heard from her are just too controlled and polished for them to not sound to me #like she's the person who sees you crying cause your partner is in hospital and goes YEAH I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL #MY EX CHEATED ON ME 5 YEARS AGO AND IT REALLY TRAUMATISED ME AND I'M STILL NOT OVER IT and then you have to comfort her #like i recognise she's a 20 year old making music for teenagers so that is. appropriate. #but i struggled with the wallowing then too. were i a Teen at school with Olivia's character i would be so desperate to tell GROW UP #and it's not the lyrics it really is the music #heartbreak is a perfectly good theme to write on but oh my god not every song about it needs to be a mouthful call to arms

[wereh0gz]

I'm definitely not the only queer person who's kinda wary of Christian ppl they encounter online right?

Like I see a profile that clearly states they're Christian and they post like Bible verses and shit and I'm just. Hoping they're not queerphobic. Or saying some dumbass shit like "hate the sin love the sinner" or whatever while pretending that's not queerphobic

If they're interacting with me first it's pretty safe to assume they're not gonna be like that bc I'm very obviously queer (🏳️‍🌈 + pronouns in bio) but if it's someone who hasn't interacted with me at all I kind of instinctively avoid interacting with them out of fear of them being that way. Y'know

#ramblings #i think it's bc even tho i've never been religious and my family isn't like a super uptight christian family #i have encountered a preacher who was homophobic and transphobic before #he's puerto rican too which just makes me disappointed in my people tbh #i grew up surrounded by a lot of accepting ppl both within and outside of the family #as well as a couple gay/trans ppl #i was always taught that that's just the way some ppl are and that we should respect that #even if we didn't fully understand everything and weren't up to date with the latest most accepted terminology and stuff #ppl were just respectful and let others be themselves #so it's extremely hard for me to understand why other ppl would be queerphobic #i mean. i kinda get it. it what they were taught growing up. just how i was taught to be accepting and respectful #but why ppl would continue to teach that to their kids and perpetuate queerphobia is really what i don't get #like. accepting that ppl different from you exist and that's ok isn't going to kill you #maybe learn abt the world from other sources besides the bible and try to see different perspectives #instead of shutting yourself off to just one way of thinking and hurting ppl in the process #anyways. i think it's also bc i've seen too many really religious ppl on the internet who are also queerphobic #and they have these big platforms of ppl who support them and share their views #and like. i shouldn't generalize. but they paint an ugly image of christians in general #also like. christians throughout history don't have the cleanest track record #but i know a lot of christians nowadays aren't like that. in fact i'm willing to say most aren't #but still it's like. better be safe than sorry y'know #idk man

[bluejayblueskies]

turns out i'm still mad at how everyone in t/ma treated jon actually

#like. okay. #without getting to far into discourse bc frankly it's not worth dragging that all up again out of the depths of hell where it belongs #and because i have thought about the other characters' motivations and about the nuances of how a terrible situation impacts all involved #etc. etc. #there really was no reason to go so hard on the 'jon is The Embodiment Of Everything That Has Ever Gone Wrong In The Podcast Ever' thing #it got to the point where it was actively frustrating to listen to especially in season five #((and tbh listening to rq commentaries only made it worse bc it made me realize 'oh they. they don't think that the way jon was treated #is actually as bad or as big of a deal as i did' #which kinda turned me off canon tma content for a while)) #anyway. idk i just sometimes question whether or not the other characters acting the way they did toward jon was actually #necessary or if it was just a remnant from when jon was supposed to have a corruption arc that was never corrected for some reason #discourse #tma discourse #(if this shows up in the tag i'm sorry i just. hghhhhh. if tma2 starts pulling the same nonsense i am quitting immediately #and retreating into the arms of male/volent my beloved)

[mellotronmkll]

Sometimes I go out and see people and think oh they look so much cooler than me maybe i should get more tattoos or more piercings get a haircut or change my wardrobe and then I realize I'm literally getting peer pressured into Buying Things I don't even necessarily want just to prove my self worth and then I just take a deep breath and find the inner peace within my heart. And sing myself a little song and smile contentedly.

#I never am that unhappy with most aspects of my appearance until I go around other people and start worrying I'm #Not Visibly Alternative enough then I realize that's a Stupid fake problem to have and I just don't actually give a shit? #Like I'm trying to get better at realizing the line between legitimate self expression and what I Feel I Should / Am Supposed to be doing #And tbh sometimes it's kinda hard #But I think. It's important

[e77y]

Recently developed such a bad platonic/friendship crush (idk the word for it... I think there's a word??) on this one person I've barely spoken to 😭 Idk what is is... I just want to be their buddy... I want to do silly activities............ Send me memes and read my fanfics............................

#I cannot express how much I know literally nothing about them #and yet. I must be pals #>:3 !!! #I have SO many mutuals from the dndads fandom that I want to be friends with tbh #like I can count like at least 5 who I've semi-Tumblr stalked for a little while over the past year or so #just bc I think they are cool.... #like even before I started being active on Tumblr #or even FOLLOWING THEM on Tumblr #I would check their blogs #I'm sure this sounds insane I just really like making buddies. okay #but it's usually bc I think they're cool and I'm slightly intimidated by them #for this person.. idk they're just kinda easy to talk to! which is fun!!! #it's always hard for me to talk to people online 😭 I'm so much better at holding convos irl or at least over calls/voice memos #even out of my irls I only have a couple who are easy to text..... bc I overthink my messages before I send them lol #so it's always nice to find someone who is easy to talk to ^_^ #not that I have really talked to them much at all #anyway sorry for the vaguepost lol #at least it's positive! and hopefully not too weird. I promise I just think you are interesting and cool 😭😭 #okay I'm still procrastinating on schoolwork so I should probably go. byee #ellyposting #I will also say NOBODY HERE (about the main subject of this post) #/NBH !! #but I love you all dearly mwah

[apricote]

i'm pretty sure it's not smart of me to absorb the tadpoles like they're breadsticks or some shit but i just wanna see what will happen okay

#kinda growing suspicous of the dream visitor ngl #what does he want from me 🫵 #is he evil is he good??? idk what to think #anyway just did the house of healing holy shit that was awesome #like super fucking creepy and scary as hell but that was so cool #anyway woke up the dude with the lute and now ive killed halsin for like three times trying to break the curse :) #idk if i'm supposed to break the curse first and then go to the moonlight towers or do it afterwards?? #i rly want to have halsin as a companion :( #but it's hard!!! #i'm so bad at this game #anyway i'm pretty sure im going to regret using the tadpole's powers at some point #i don't think it's a very rowena thing to do to use them tbh but somehow didn't think of that earlier lmao #i feel like she would just want it out but too late now!! #just watch me get the bad ending lol #💬

[emmenai-kalliston]

no rizz just constantly "jokingly" tell him how fucking hot he is

#it's literally like: 'wah Mizu is soo attractive to me... btw have i ever told you I've always thought he looks kinda like you?' #'you'd look so sexy in that white shirt haha' #which btw it's the kind of stuff I've told him since forever. i '''jokingly''' had a List of Reasons Why You're Sexy lol #(which includes things like 'ive seen you repair a faucet with your bare hands' btw. like woah) #i just?? never realised?? how hard i was crushing?? because i was too obsessed w my former best friend/main crush #another friend of mine told me this is a good sign. i think he's right #still i am panicking over this crush. over liking people in general atm #i want to go to therapy tbh #how did i end up talking therapy?? i was talking about the boy i like?? #anyways. thanks to whoever reads this & sorry if I'm oversharing I guess #I just have to retrieve several months of unrealised simping i guess hahaha #personal #cal has a crush and makes it everyone's problem once again

[skrunksthatwunk]

ok yakuza 6 spoilers and not a very insightful post but every time i remember how young haruka is when she has haruto i get sooo nervous lol. she's like NINETEEN. what the FUCKK

#i know conceptually that ppl have kids that young but.woah #i guess it didnt happen a lot in the ppl i went to school with/i didnt pay that much attention to it/stigma led to minimization of it #like she has to take care of a whole baby now. she has to be a mother and take on the kinda role kiryu had #while also kinda managing the orphanage relatively alone bc kiryu bailed. wtf wtf #idk. i think im kinda squeamish about pregnancy in general a little? but especially that young like.ough #good or bad wanted or not having a kid is a big fucking deal and it scares me a little idk. especially since haruto WAS unintentional #like whats she gonna do for a job. she probably cant do college soon (if ever) and shes probably blacklisted from showbiz entirely #so even if she wanted to do behind the scenes work she couldnt #even with yuta's help it'd be a stretch. and then theres rhe other orphans i just. hhhhh aughhhh #man taking care of a baby was hard enough for kiryu and he's like ok teenage daughter. im going hands off like WHAT #i think the ending choices of 6 are fascinating and theres a lotta reasons to criticize kiryu within that but leaving her with effectively #7 younger siblings and a baby is one i dont see talked about enough tbh #rgg #its SCARY. I'M SCARED. #im sooo fucking worried about my future and haruka's looks even more terrifying to me so it just activates shit in my brain

[dadbots]

August… time to get spooky.

#dadbots.txt #this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes. #I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh. #idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs. #best way to describe it LOL #been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just. #where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda. #just one of those moments yknow. #it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest - #- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing. #I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it. #I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month - #and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really. #don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often #and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow. #maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year. #not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat #though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all. #won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well. #and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really? #shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year. #I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now. #let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way. #hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽

[moregraceful]

Ooh, I am definitely a Crawford girlie!

Being a Crawford girlie...it's simply the default state of being a longtime Giants fan I think.

Although I was talking to my friend today abt how I think Giants fans can be quite hard on our rookies and call ups because we're holding them to this impossibly high 2010-2014 standard so I'm really curious how fans are going to deal when Craw retires. Like besides throw ourselves off the Golden Gate en masse I mean, I'll be really curious how the mythology of the team and the way we measure players changes when he's gone and we have none of that era left. Like we have to measure rookies without the shadow of greatness on them. I think that will frighten us very badly.

#i think we kinda saw it with joey bart tbh like...everyone expected him to be the next buster and when he quite reasonably was not #the fanbase turned on him #and i'm really concerned we're going to do the same to casey schmidtt and patrick bailey and tristan beck and all these other kids #if they fail to perform and fail to win and fail to keep the vibe loose and happy and we don't have crawford to lean on as a crutch #of how we used to be? #it's going to scare us to have to embrace a reality with no link to the past #weird time to be a giants fan tbh. i'm going to the dumbest games on the planet but the mood is high but the future is creeping up on us #cage replies #anon #sorry to swing so hard on your ask anon!! feeling introspective on caltrain tonight

[claitea]

finished mario wonder it was SOOOOO good i love it to PIECES

#clai speaks #playing this i realized. i just really hated smb on ds BWJBDJFB #why did i persist so hard with that game i was not having a good time. wonder is So much better #i appreciate online kinda being an easy mode HJEBDJF i can just revive off other players instead of throwing myself at the same course-- #--a bajillion times and probably dying at the same spot like i did in nsmb #6163563 courses and my favorite is still 1-2 because thats piranha plants on parade BSJHDH #ITS SOOO CUTE I LOVE THE MUSIC WONDERS SM. i listen to the piranha's song a lot just outside the game its adorable #i love how there were secrets in the overworld map too it almost felt like its own course #ily talking flowers!! idc what anyone else thinks of them they're my best friends and were never annoying to me #all the new voice actors are so good i eventually forgot luigi had a new va at all tbh #and mario sounds different but not a Bad different he's still really good #big fan of this game i hope future platformer marios are as good as this one!!! please dont go back to the nsmb style i'm begging you

[welcometogrouchland]

I'm on hiatus from thinking for the next while. Discursive and analytical fandom practices I love you so so much you are in everything I do, including the silliest of headcanons and comics but FUCK I am not equipped to think about. Anything right now

#ramblings of a lunatic #tbh my art muscles are exhausted too so i think I'm just gonna. be a bottom feeder for a little while. #like a deep sea creature letting plankton drift into it's mouth on the ocean floor yknow #hard to do when half your dash is about stuff u are not a part of and the other half is abt the fandom that's in hiatus #and approaching it's finale (and the end of a show should NOT be the end of a fandom it should NOT but. i know how these things play out) #and i can't just rewatch the episodes bc I've literally seen them too many times now #and watching them is like. oh hey episode! blink. it's over #bc everything is MEMORIZED AT THIS POINT #the obvious answer would be to go watch something else rn but i keep TRYING AND IT'S NOT WORKING. I ONLY WANT THE SPRINTEREST RN #but i also don't if that makes sense. i want the spinterest to be new but also comforting and different but also the same #aka i want a new episode to release bc i dislike the quiet fandom during hiatus BUT i don't want it to air bc then the show is over #so I'm just kinda. sitting here. frustrated #sitting on all my art and text posts bc I'm in a funk rn and none of them feel Right™ #bc (CIRCLING BACK AROUND TO THE ACTUAL BODY OF THIS POST) they're all my usual hc/analytical fair #but i like to always have a good sense of character when i make those but those require REWATCHES FOR ME and i CAN'T REWATCH #BC OF ALL THE ABOVE THINGS I MENTIONED #oh man. i feel a bit better writing it down though. getting it out there somewhere in a semi-articulate way #I'm not done with my current hyperfixation- far from it depending on how the show ends- I'm just pre-bummed about the finale #and how it's gonna impact the fan environment that normally supplements my own fan activities like rewatches fanart etc #ohhhh my god that felt good to explain #it's to no one in particular but it felt good. this talking about your feelings shit actually works man #anyway please pray for me that i go to sleep some time tonight bc i slept for 5 hours in the middle of the day #after staying up the previous night #and i do not wanna throw my sleep schedule too far outta wack #(i think..i need to watch more movies? less commitment than series but distract me for a good bit. send reqs ig!)

[wrecking]

edit: i ended up just ranting abt like the current vibe™ in the tags... sorry abt that but like also whatever i don't care anymore

#d #my food therapist really said the most real thing on planet earth when she said i'm meeting me at the same time everyone else is #i feel like a cringey overzealous emotionally dumb teenager who's a total embarrassment to everyone around me while i'm trying 2 say fuck i #cuz like this is the first time in my entire life i feel like i get to actually explore my identity and do like normal young people things #and i feel just. so so exposed in the sense that everyone is watching me make a fool of myself without a single shred of self-awareness #and it makes me so fucking mad cuz like i'm finally happy with myself!! i'm finally starting to feel like a fully formed person #instead of a 2d projection or an object or something monstrous hiding in the shadows because that's how i've spent until now imo #and like. it's hard to emotionally make peace with the fact things in my social life are changing because like. there's some part of me #that thinks that maybe if i stayed in that miserable place that maybe i wouldn't have any of the problems i have now #and like my life is a lot better. and i know that and i wouldn't change a thing. but like emotionally i guess i'm just #processing it as a fault of mine to have changed bc it's changing my relationships to others #and this isn't about any one specific thing like i've been having lots of small growing pains with a lot of ppl in my life rn i just am lik #there's a lot happening to me rn emotionally so i feel like everything i do is a fuckup and i'm just bracing for more people to go ig #which might happen or it might not and tbh either is ok at this point. i need to do this in order to live i think #idk why i'm even rambling about this i just have a lot of thoughts and i want to share them i guess. not like it does anything but like #what else is this app for at this point lmfao i barely even want to talk on here anymore because i feel like everything i say on here is #just pointless. i'm thankful i have a strong support system rn cuz genuinely i don't know what i'd do if i didn't like #i feel like everything is so much more emotionally Big to me on E and it's kind of hard trying to figure out how to manage it #like i'm basically finally getting to be me. for worse AND for better. and i just am like. insecure on some level i guess #not even over my appearance tbh i've kinda made peace with that. moreso my personality and what things i share with others #this whole post is so wholly unnecessary but i feel like i'm going to go insane if i don't get this out of my head #i've genuinely been avoiding talking about my emotions or my private life on here because i don't exactly feel safe on here anymore #which is like great. love it when my primary outlet for like. socially interacting with people casually gets compromised i love it #i literally softblocked like 30 ppl off of here so i could talk abt my weird sex stuff and my body and my deeper thoughts with ppl i trust #and then i still am too conscious about it! this always happens when i make a blog for myself to talk on #maybe i'm just not meant for talking abt things

[ploppythespaceship]

So far Good Omens season 2 is very similar to season 1 -- a relatively charming story with horrific pacing that would normally make something unwatchable, saved by having two of the best lead characters I've ever seen.

#personal #tbh i think if crowley and aziraphale were played by literally anyone else this show would fall flat on its face #but they have sheen and tennant going way too hard on this angel and demon pair and I'm kinda obsessed