#swynvanessa

[i-want-candy]

The World Will Follow After ! [Canvan]

In which Gabriella and Su lock Vanessa and Candace in a room to sort their shit out...[takes place: sometime in December]

@vanecessary-conditions

[tw -- some mental health discussions]

!!! !!! !!!

[link here]

!!! !!! !!!

#swynvanessa #canvan #the world will follow after

[i-want-candy]

Skating in a Winter Wonderland ! [Canvan]

@vanecessary-conditions​​

Having a girlfriend was great for a lot of reasons, but one of the main ones was the ability to do all the fun Christmas-holiday-winter activities with someone when in years past, you’d only ever watched jealously as other people got to do all of those things.

Candace had a whole rota planned. Roasting marshmallows! Building a gingerbread house (they’d already done that, but not as girlfriends)! Cuddling under a blanket and drinking hot cocoa! Sharing holiday traditions! (Candace didn’t know much about it, but she was excited to celebrate Hanukkah.) And, of course, one of Candace’s favorites:

“C’mon!” Candace said, already with her skates on, at the edge of the lake.

The lake freaked her the fuck out most of the year, but when it was frozen over, she figured no sea monsters could try to eat her so...it was fine. Plus, she loved ice skating. Used to take classes when she was little. Curse of growing up Midwestern with a theater mom. She held her hand out for Vanessa.

“Let’s goooo!”

[outfit]

#swynvanessa #canvan #skating in a winter wonderland #lookbook

[i-want-candy]

Space Camp [Part Five: Who Has a Secret Identity Anyway?] ! [Canvan]

In which Candace’s secret identity gets revealed...[takes place: August 1st, 2022]

@vanecessary-conditions

[tw -- bullying, panic attack]

CANDACE: Once a week, all the interns from the various subprograms gathered in the auditorium (because yeah, fancy NASA science centers had auditoriums) to listen to employees from different branches of NASA talk about their journeys to success. It was fun and interesting. Candace liked it because sometimes, the people had really untraditional trajectories and it always made her feel a little better. Like the archivist that they had today talked about how she’d been a librarian before applying for the job at NASA, not even knowing they had archival positions. Candace hadn’t known that either and while she really would prefer to work in the astronomy department, it was nice to know there might be other options.

She was feeling bouncy and chipper as she made her way to the cafeteria with the rest of the hoard of interns. Her eyes scanned over the tops of everyone’s head, looking for Vanessa, but she couldn’t find her. Instead, she thought she felt someone looking at her. She turned to look over her shoulders and one of the girls from her program--Brittney--dropped her gaze and the person she was with glanced away suddenly.

Candace felt her face heat and she moved forwards quickly. Getting her lunch and looking again for Vanessa. She found her seated with all her engineering friends. People that Candace still didn’t know how to fit in with, but--it was better than eating alone. Even though she still sat a few seats away from Vanessa and it felt like she was alone anyway. 

“Hey, Candy right?” 

Candace glanced up at the girl with green hair who appeared in front of her. She wasn’t someone Candace recognized. “Uh--yeah?”

“Ohmygod. Could I, like, get your autograph?” 

“What?” Candace blinked owlishly. This was not at all how she had envisioned someone asking for her autograph for the first time. Mostly because she had no idea why it was happening. 

“You run CaNDyPoP101, don’t you? I love your songs! The one about the shark was on my Spotify wrapped last year.” 

Candace felt as if the entire room had suddenly shrunk down. Her breath caught in her chest. All of Pacifica’s techniques for calming down felt very far away. 

“I--” she didn’t know what to say. Deny it! her brain screamed at her, but she’d forgotten how to talk. 

VANESSA: Vanessa heard the whispers before she knew what was going on. It was hard not to. Everyone in the cafeteria seemed to be whispering about the same thing and even though Vanessa was trying to have a conversation with Blake and Jess about their respective cartoon sexual awakenings, all she could hear was people whispering about some YouTuber. 

Did you know she’s actually CaNDyPoP101?!

I can’t believe we’ve been working with a celebrity!

Oh my gosh, do you think I could get her to collab on something with me?

Pfft, no wonder she got into the program even though she can’t even adjust a telescope. 

Vanessa rolled her eyes and said something snarky to Blake. In the corner of her gaze, she saw Candace, just a couple of tables away. She thought about getting up and saying hi. They’d come to the auditorium separately, because they were in different programs, and because of that, they left separately. And if this had been a few weeks ago, Vanessa would’ve flagged her over after the talk. But she wasn’t sure what was going on.

They’d more or less silently made up after whatever weird fight, even though neither of them had actually acknowledged it. Vanessa showed up one afternoon with Candace’s Taco Bell order and the two of them silently watched an episode of Ru Paul’s Drag Race. But that didn’t mean they hung out when they weren’t in their apartment. Vanessa had her friends and Candace… well, Vanessa wasn’t sure what she was up to, but she was sure Candace had friends. Candace was the type of person to always have friends. People flocked to her, because she was just so smiley and bright and — 

And yeah, of course someone was talking to her now. Why wouldn’t they be? 

“I’m going to ask Candace if she wants to sit with us,” Vanessa said to her friends abruptly. She stood up and walked over to where Candace was sitting and it was only then that she noticed something seemed… off about Candace. Her face was pale and the reagents around her felt like tight, sharp spikes. 

“Uh, did I interrupt something?” Vanessa asked, completely aware that she was interrupting something. 

CANDACE: Candace was still panicking internally, the dominoes falling into place. Someone knew she was CaNDyPoP101. Everyone knew she was CaNDyPoP101. When she had first written the songs and started CaNDyPoP101, she had kept her identity secret because stranger danger on the internet and she didn’t want things to blow up just because she was Lindana’s daughter. She wanted to go viral because people liked her songs. 

It had taken a year for that to happen. She had been 17, just about to turn 18 and the song was about plankton of all things. 3 million views later, and catching a friend downloading the song into their iPhone and Candace was glad she’d kept her identity a secret from everyone but Stacy, her best friend in Danville. The last thing she had wanted was to be labeled as a nerd. 

And now, she didn’t want anyone to know because they would think she was a fake. Not serious enough. CaNDyPoP101 were pop songs about science anyway. No real scientist would take it seriously. 

“What?” Candace blinked owlishly, jerking in Vanessa’s direction. Her nails were digging into her skin. “Uh—“ 

“No, but if you want an autograph you have to wait, I asked first,” the green haired person said. 

“That’s my—roommate,” Candace blurted, her face bright red. 

“What’s going on?” Brittney popped up with a pleasant smile on her perfectly pink lips. 

“I was asking Candy for her autograph,” the green-haired person said. 

“Oh. Why? I mean, the songs are pretty good I guess but, like, they’re super basic. They don’t have any real science,” Brittney said. “Which, I totally get why you do it that way, Candace.” 

Candace said nothing. 

VANESSA: It took Vanessa a second to figure out what the hell was going on. 

And then it all clicked.

Candace was CaNDyPoP101?! Like, that internet person who kept popping up everywhere? Who Vanessa couldn’t escape and at first she’d found the songs kinda annoying, but then they became a guilty pleasure, and okay, maybe she had the Solar System one memorized now? 

“They’re catchy songs, Brittany,” snapped Vanessa. She didn’t know why but she suddenly felt defensive of Candace. Maybe it was because Candace looked like she was shrinking in her seat, like the flurry of anxious reagents around her was swallowing her whole. It almost reminded her of when she’d found Candace in the bathroom —

Okay, not quite that bad. Not bad enough that Candace was gonna kiss her, at least.

Still, though —

“I’d like to see you do better. Especially since your singing voice sounds like a cat in heat. Your rendition of “Oops! I Did It Again” at intern karaoke keeps me up at night.”

Brittney blinked.

“I was just saying the songs aren’t that deep, that’s all. That’s probably smarter, though. Makes them really popular with people who want to seem smarter.” 

CANDACE: Candance couldn’t believe this was happening. She had been so careful. Not even her brothers or parents knew that she was CaNDyPoP101. It had just been something silly she’d started just for fun and it had snowballed into something so big. She didn’t want people to know because she liked the anonymity. People got weird about pseudofamous people. Take her mom for example. 

“Yeah!” the green-haired girl said, glancing at Brittney and then crossing her arms at Vanessa. “There isn’t anything wrong with basic. That’s why they’re so catchy.”  

“Hey, Candy, isn’t your mom, like, famous? Did she show the songs to producers she knows?” 

Candace’s face went bright red. Brittney would only know that if she had Googled her family. Or stalked Candace’s Instagram. It wasn’t that Candace hid that her mom was late 80s pop sensation Lindana, but--she didn’t really talk about it either. For the same reason that she didn’t tell people that she was CaNDyPoP101. Because people would think she hadn’t done it on her own. Because she probably hadn’t…

Candace was so deep in her whirlpool in her anxiety, she hardly even noticed Vanessa was, like, hardcore defending her. She just kind of nodded at Brittney.

“Gosh, that is so cool. No wonder you got into the program. Have you written a song about NASA? You totally should. I am sure they’d love to put it on the social media accounts.” 

VANESSA: Something felt off about this whole exchange. 

Namely, Candace’s friends or whatever were being really fucking rude. Oh, no, not like blatantly rude. They were doing the thing that Vanessa hated, which was making rude things sound like nice things, when really they were just being absolutely bitchy. Vanessa preferred people being rude to her face and if they had mean things to say, they should just say them without making themselves feel better. 

“Are you trying to say that Candace only got into the program because of these songs?” asked Vanessa outright, because she could not deal with these stupid little passive aggressive digs any more.

Brittany or Brittney or whatever her name was blinked. 

“What? I never said that — are you saying that?”

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” snapped Vanessa. “You know what you’re saying.”

“I mean, I’m just saying that it makes sense that someone mega popular would get into the program —”

“If that was the case, wouldn’t our bosses be making a big deal about it? Like, making us take more pics and putting Candace in them? Literally, why would they hide this? They’d be putting her on the front page of the website and making her do a collab for the telescope!”

CANDACE: Brittany was totally implying that she only got into the program because of her stupid singing blog. Which Candace already knew. She had a feeling ever since she’d gotten the acceptance. Nothing else made sense. What? Candace got accepted because she had taken a few voluntary science classes? Fat chance.

She felt ready to cry, her throat was totally closing up and it was hard to breathe. The plastic fork that she’d been holding started to cut into her skin, though the pain kept her sort of grounded, so she didn’t just start fucking sobbing in the middle of the cafeteria. There were already enough people looking at them and whispering. 

Her brain was fuzzy white noise. The only thing that cut through was Vanessa’s voice, sharp as a knife. Candace blinked and her head turned towards the other girl. 

“Well, they don’t want to make it seem like they’re playing favorites, but we’ve definitely included her in the social media internship,” Brittney scoffed.

Candace reached out with the hand that wasn’t holding the plastic fork and grabbed Vanessa’s wrist. “Can we just--go?” she rasped, her lip wobbling.

“Ohmigod, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you!” said the green-haired girl.

Brittney just rolled her eyes. “She’s just trying to get attention. You know she went to school for acting, right?” 

VANESSA: Without even realizing what she was doing, Vanessa looped an arm around Candace’s shoulder, dragging her close. Candace was still sitting, so that meant that her head kinda hit against Vanessa’s hip. It was a bit awkward, but Vanessa wanted to hold Candace, put herself between Candace and these bitches. 

Part of her wanted to yell — to make fun of Brittney’s stupid glittery phone case or the BTS pin on her bag. Part of her wanted to make some dig about Brittney’s own major, but to be honest, Vanessa didn’t know much about Brittney or what she was studying in school. But the biggest part of her —

Well, she just wanted to get Candace out of there.

“If she wanted to get attention,” Vanessa snapped, “then she would’ve told us all the first day.” She tilted her head at Brittney and narrowed her eyes. “Wow,” she drew out the word long, smacking her lips together. “You’re really not very smart, are you?” 

She helped Candace up and with an arm around her waist, Vanessa pulled her away from the ogling crowd. 

CANDACE: Vanessa pulled her up.

Candace was glad. Her legs were asleep. She stumbled as she got her legs untangled from the cafeteria bench. Reaching over, she grabbed her bag but abandoned her food. Her breath was ragged. She was pretty sure that Vanessa could hear her, which was embarrassing, but she couldn’t think about that. She needed to think about something else.

The walk from the cafeteria into the hallway felt incredibly long. She needed to do something before she collapsed.

Look for five things. Everyone staring at her. Vanessa’s shoe had an aglet missing. The black of her pants didn’t match the black of her shirt. The fact with every step she took, Candace could see a sliver of her pale ankle. Her black nail polish was chipped, Candace could see it from where Vanessa still had her arm around her waist. 

She could feel Vanessa’s arm around her; her and was kind of sweaty. She could feel Vanessa’s hair tickling her cheek. Feel her breath on her ear. Feel her body jostling against the other girl’s. Feel her breath on her ear. 

She could hear Vanessa’s breath. She could hear people murmuring as they passed by. The sound of forks scraping at plates.

She could smell the cafeteria food--pizza. She could smell Vanessa. She smelled like her horrible cheap perfume she used to spray everywhere. She smelled like sweat and her vanilla shampoo. And a bit sharp like oil which must’ve gotten on her clothes at some point. 

They stepped into the hallway.

Candace’s heart rate had calmed down a bit and she didn’t think she was gonna spiral into a full on panic (or, at least, that she had drawn herself back from one), but when she blinked she was crying. She pulled away from Vanessa and stepped across the hall. 

“Sorry,” she sniffled. “No one was supposed to--” Her lip wobbled. She felt pathetic. “No one was supposed to find out.” 

VANESSA: “I don’t know why they’re being so weird about it,” said Vanessa, because, well, that was exactly how she felt. She leaned on the wall, arms crossed over her chest, slumped down a little bit. “So you’re secretly responsible for some really catchy songs? So what? 

It did put a lot in perspective for Vanessa, though. Like, how Candace had actually been interested in science and space and stuff before this internship and just hadn’t told anyone before. That made more sense than her waking up one day and suddenly deciding that theater wasn’t her thing anymore. 

She looked at Candace now, quietly flicking her eyes across the hallway. The frantic storm of reagents around Candace was still there, though now that they had left the cafeteria, it had thinned out some.

“Look, if you’re worried about what Brittney said, don’t be,” said Vanessa. “You have better grades than me! So, maybe they did take a chance on you — but great scientists can come from anywhere, you know? Like, Hedy Lemar! She was an actress and an inventor. So, really Brittney’s being, like, super anti-feminist if she’s dismissing you for doing theater.”

Vanessa was rambling. Rambling to fill the silence, because Candace was sniffling and Vanessa didn’t want her to sniffle. 

She reached a foot to nudge Candace on the shin. 

“My three words of wisdom: fuck the haters.”

CANDACE: That was Vanessa for you.

Fuck the haters.

She had always been like that and it had always annoyed Candace. She had, also, always sort of admired it. Half her irritation came from…jealousy? Something like that. Candace wished it was that easy for her. That she could just say fuck the haters and do whatever she wanted, not caring what others thought of her. But Candace couldn’t do that, because she grew up with a mom who was obsessed with the five seconds of fame she’d gotten over twenty years ago. And a brother who made it his mission to upstager her at every turn. Candace had always been criticized for seeking attention. Which was what it felt like to her. Doing things against the grain. It was attention grabbing. Attention seeking. 

Still, the advice made a watery smile come to her lips. 

Everyone is crazy.

“Yeah, easy for you to say,” Candace finally said with a little scoff, but there wasn���t any heat behind the words. There was another moment of silence. “Er, thanks for, uh--sticking up for me.” She reached up to rub at the tear tracks on her face, trying not to smear her makeup as she did so. “You didn’t have to do that. I’m, uh,  gonna go clean up in the bathroom but…” she took a shaky breath and glanced up at Vanessa from beneath her lashes. She crossed her arm over her chest, grasping at her elbow.

“Do you think it’s okay if I eat my lunch with you?” 

VANESSA:  “Oh yeah!” It came out a little too enthusiastically. Vanessa tore her gaze away from Candace and shrugged. “I mean, if you don’t mind an animated discussion about which cartoon characters were our sexual awakenings.”

She got the feeling that Candace didn’t really like her friends, which was, like, valid. They were very different from Candace’s friends back in Swynlake, who were all, like, very normal (and also … incredibly straight? What was up with that? Well, Vanessa got some #bisexual vibes from Rose, but maybe that was wishful thinking on her part). 

“I mean, hopefully they paused the conversation for me.” She snorted a little and then leaned onto the wall, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her baggy pants, before adding, “And, uh, no problem. You don’t have to make a big deal about it or anything.” 

Her cheeks burned a little and she looked at the floor, kicking an imaginary something on the ground.

“I’ll, uh, wait for you out here,” she said. “Don’t take too long. I’m hungry.”

#swynvanessa #canvan #space camp arc #nasa arc #who has a secret identity anyway?

[i-want-candy]

Space Camp [Part Five: Electric Love] ! [Canvan]

In which Vanessa and Candace’s internships come to an end and they discuss their relationship...[takes place: August 30]

@vanecessary-conditions

[tw--noNE]

VANESSA: So. Things were. Weird. 

Vanessa didn’t like to talk about her feelings, but in this particular case, she knew that if she didn’t talk about her feelings, she’d explode. She already felt like she was going to explode all day. She messed up some simple calculations and Jess teased her about it and then she snapped at Jess and realized she was being a dick and Jess told her, hey calm down it was okay. And then, with a knowing look in her eye, Jess told her very very vaguely about the story of how she asked her girlfriend out and how she thought it would be totally embarrassing and how it had been totally scary but worth it. And then Vanessa stuck out her tongue and said she didn’t know what Jess was talking about and that was that.

Anyway, Vanessa got home before Candace and she paced around the apartment for a little bit, so restless that she actually started to put the dishes sitting in the dishrack away (something she rarely did until the rack was so stacked it toppled over). 

She was so on edge that when the door did open, Vanessa nearly jumped. She looked at Candace. Candace looked back at her. 

“Do you wanna go on a walk?” Vanessa blurted out. She lowered the dish towel. “I want, uh, to talk to you about something.”

CANDACE: “Oh, uh—sure?” Candace said slowly as she closed the apartment door. 

Her heart kicked up, pounding insistently against her rib cage. She wasn’t sure why. Maybe because she was worried Vanessa was gonna stab her and dump her body in the bay. Ha. (That was a joke, it was just easier than thinking about how something had shifted between them and Candace had no idea why.) (She did know why but she didn’t want to consider it.) 

“Let me just…” she moved further into the room and slid her bag off her shoulder, letting it drop to the couch. She reached up and pulled her hair back into a ponytail. She considered changing but she was already wearing a pair of jeans and sneakers, so as long as they weren’t hiking, she’d probably be fine. 

“Er, okay. Ready!” 

VANESSA: Vanessa thought about backing out of this. It was a bad idea. She could make something up, say that she just wanted to talk about her final intern project or about returning to Swynlake and Pride U or about splitting the cost of cleaners so they didn’t have to waste their last day picking up the apartment.

But then Candace said okay and then she was ready, and even though Vanessa wasn’t, she gave Candace a thumbs up and out they went.

At first they were quiet. Well, Vanessa made some bad small talk about her intern project and she let her voice trail off. Where they were wasn’t particularly walkable, so they ended up walking past a Walgreens and a bank once they left the apartment complex, which wasn’t exactly the vibe that Vanessa wanted to go for.

She wasn’t sure what the vibe she wanted to go for was, though. She just wanted it to not be bad. But she had a bad track record of fucking things up and Candace deserved better than that.

The sun was setting, casting long shadows on the asphalt.

“I’m kinda ready to go back to Swynlake,” said Vanessa, after a few minutes of silence. She slowed down a little, as they reached a park. “It’s nice here, but I miss… I dunno. Not bad traffic. I miss Tiana’s Place, too.” 

CANDACE: It was really bright outside. The sun reflected off the cement sidewalk and basically blinded Candace as soon as she stepped outside, making her eyes water and everything. She squinted against the glare, wishing she had brought her sunglasses with her, but she’d been so caught off guard, she hadn’t thought to grab them from where she’d set them down on the counter when she walked through the door.

Focusing on the brightness was easier than thinking about whatever it was that Vanessa wanted to talk about. Something about this whole situation had Candace feeling off kilter and anxious. She had no idea what it could be. Was she mad about the CaNDyPoP101 situation? Had Candace ever said thank you for that? Or was it something about something that had happened in Swynlake? Or was it some horrible prank that everyone in the intern cohort was in on? (Obviously, it wasn’t that.) 

She kicked a piece of broken concrete that looked like a rock down the sidewalk and glanced at Vanessa when she finally spoke. 

Candace’s brow furrowed a bit as Vanessa talked about Swynlake. Was she just…being nostalgic? All of this was so weird.

“Really? I thought you wouldn’t want to leave like…Jess and the rest of them.” There wasn’t any jealousy or bitterness in her voice, even if she still felt that way. She just said it…matter of fact. Obviously Vanessa would want to stay. She was having a great time. 

VANESSA: Vanessa shrugged.

“Yeah, I mean I’ll miss them. And I’ll miss some stuff about being an intern. But there’s also not much magic here, you know? Like, San Francisco is technically Magick-Friendly but it doesn’t really extend out to Mountain View.” Vanessa was very aware that she was just stalling. Because she still wasn’t sure what she wanted to say. 

“I just miss seeing it everywhere, I guess. Even if I have to deal with the Henry Charmings of the world — sorry,” she added, hastily. “I know you two are friends. I didn’t mean it like that. You’re not like him.”

She walked over to a bench and plopped down on it, one arm swung over the back. After a moment of deliberation, she lowered it, leaning forward and resting her forearms on her knees, so that she was hunched over a bit. She glanced up at Candace. 

“I do miss Swynlake, but I dunno how it’s gonna be when I get back. When we get back.” She swallowed. “I guess I just wanted to know if… you wanted things to go back to how they were, y’know?”

CANDACE: Vanessa was rambling. Candace realized that she did that sometimes. She had noticed it over the years. It was…cute. When it didn’t spiral into her starting to insult people just because she got worked up about something. (Which also happened.) It was weird to look at her now and know that was what was happening. Candace didn’t realize when it had happened. When she had started to notice these things, when she had started to like them. 

She also had no idea why Vanessa was so nervous and acting so weird. And she realized it was making her nervous too, her stomach fluttering unsurely.

Was Vanessa trying to tell her that she was going to stay in town? Even though she said ‘when we get back’ that was till Candace’s first thought.

Her second hit her hard: she didn’t want Vanessa to stay. She wanted her to be in Swynlake. 

With her. 

Vanessa asked her a question and while Candace could pretend she didn’t know what she was talking about. She did. And she knew her answer too, but how did she…say it? 

Sitting on the bench, she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and then put her hands under her thighs, hunching forward a bit too. 

“I--” 

A loud semi-truck steamrolled passed them, drowning out anything that Candace was going to say.

She scowled after it. “Rude.” Then, she laughed a bit, trying to dispel some of that nervous energy. The butterflies were stronger again. 

“No, uh--I don’t…I don’t know. I don’t think I could do that.” She glanced over her shoulder towards Vanessa. “Do you?” 

VANESSA: “No.” Vanessa didn’t hesitate. When she put her mind to something, she never did. When she took that step forward, she kept on walking — running, leaping forward. And now that she’d said something, she could continue to say somethings. 

“I think we get along well when we don’t fight,” said Vanessa. She sat up and turned to face Candace, staring directly into her eyes. It was a little bit like staring into the sun. Actually, it was like literally staring into the sun, because the way they were sitting, the sun was right behind Candace, which meant her face was all shadowed and the orange glow illuminated her hair like a halo. 

She looked at Candace and she knew there was no going back now.  

This could be a mission failure, but she’d already pressed the launch button. 

“I think you’re really smart. And I think that I like you a little bit. And by like you, I mean like. Like-like. And by a little bit, I mean… not a little bit.” She sucked in her breath. “I don’t want to pretend that you’re just someone I kinda know and find annoying when we go back. I don’t want to be your friend either. I mean, I do. I’d take that. But I think I’d spend the entire time thinking about kissing you.” 

Her heart felt like it was gonna ricochet out of her chest and also, she felt like scream-laughing in Candace’s face. But she didn’t do that. She pressed her lips close together, to stop any more words from tumbling out of her mouth, and she dug her fingernails into her thighs. 

CANDACE: No, Vanessa said. In that same snotty, bratty way that she always did. Except, this time, Candace heard the current of surety there. Like crackling electricity. It sounded scary to her. In a way that made her stomach flutter again. 

I think you’re really smart. Candace was pretty sure that was the only nice thing that Vanessa had ever really said to her. Even if it wasn’t, all others before were erased by it. That was what she wanted to hear from people. That she was smart. 

The rest was lost in an avalanche. Everything that Vanessa said just buried her and buried her, over and over again. Until she was laughing. She didn’t even notice it at first. It just happened. She started laughing. It felt surreal. Like she was going to wake up from a dream at any moment. 

She knew it wasn’t, because she could feel the sun burning her shoulders. (She was probably going to be pink when they got back to the apartment.) And Vanessa was looking at her with an expression that she never had before. Okay, well, she had been. Now, she was looking kind of pissed. Shit. 

“I--” Candace said, putting her hands up to her mouth and shaking her head as she surpressed her giggles. “Sorry…sorry. I just--nervous.” She reached over her shoulder and pulled her ponytail into the front so she could fiddle with it. Her hand smoothed over her shoulder. Vanessa was looking at her so intensely, Candace was afraid to look. It’d be like staring into the sun. It would burn. Maybe she wanted to. She certainly didn’t mind burning in the California sun, on this bench, while a girl--and not just any girl, but Vanessa, told her she like-liked her. 

“I spend a lot of time thinking about kissing you too,” Candace admitted, glancing up at Vanessa. “I, uhm--I think you’re infuriating but…I dunno. I think you also…get me. In a way a lot of people don’t.” She shrugged, crossing one of her feet over the other. “And I admire how bold you are. I mean--I never would’ve…had the guts to say anything.” 

VANESSA: Candace started to laugh and Vanessa felt her heart plummet. She knew she did this wrong. Said something wrong, did something wrong. She wasn’t sure what, but it would be sooo typical, wouldn’t it? Vanessa fucked something up. Any time she got something good, she fucked it up. 

Then Candace spoke and at first Vanessa wanted to just stand up and cut her off and tell her it was okay and they could just forget that this ever happened. But Candace wasn’t rejecting her. (Okay, sure she had called Vanessa infuriating, but at this point in her life Vanessa wore that like a badge of honor). 

Around Candace, the sunlight glowed orange. Her cheeks flushed a warm pink and Vanessa could snatch it right off her face. She wanted to. She really wanted to. Her fingers squirmed. Without realizing it, she reached a hand —

And she touched the side of Candace’s face instead, brushing a thumb across the top of her cheek. Candace’s skin was soft. Vanessa’s fingers fit perfectly behind her ear.

Her breath caught.

“Sorry,” she stammered. But she didn’t move her hand. “Is this okay?”

CANDACE: Vanessa cupped her cheek and Candace flinched, just slightly. Her lips parted, a little breath sucking in through them. Her eyelashes fluttered quickly, but she didn’t pull away. Vanessa’s hands were warm. A little sweaty, but Candace didn’t mind. Her stomach was doing somersaults. She had always thought that Vanessa’s eyes were really pretty brown, but they actually had green in them? Candace had never noticed that before. 

Was this really happening?

What would Pacifica say? Rose? Henry? 

Reaching up, Candace grasped at Vanessa’s wrist, as if she was going to pull it away.

Candace found she didn’t really care all that much what her friends had to say. Fuck the haters. She just wanted to kiss Vanessa’s plush lips again and kiss them often. Whenever she wanted to. Nothing felt as important as that.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” She leaned forward, eyes flickering closed and she kissed Vanessa. In the daylight. With no tears and no taste of alcohol on their lips. When she pulled away, she was bright pink and she moved her hand from Vanessa’s wrist to tuck some hair behind her head. 

“I--uh…does this--I mean, are you…asking me out or--?” 

VANESSA: Candace kissed her.

A real kiss. Not a desperate one, not a drunk one. A soft kiss. A gentle kiss. A kiss that felt like the wings of butterflies or something stupid and corny, yet still true. And Vanessa felt her heart hammer hard in her throat,

It was a quick kiss. When Candace pulled away, Vanessa could still feel the heat of her mouth. Without even really thinking, she parted her own lips, running a tongue over her bottom lip, as if she could taste Candace from that.

The sun was setting. They were in some dinky park in Mountain View, California. Their internship program was almost over. Swynlake was an ocean away. Summer would end and fall would come and maybe when they were back in Swynlake, Candace would feel differently. She’d look at Vanessa and all she’d see was a problem again.

Vanessa tried not to think about that. She tried not to think about how she would inevitably fuck this up. 

Because just for a moment, everything was swathed in that golden glow of the setting sun and everything made sense.

“Yeah, I think so,” said Vanesaa. She nodded, as if to convince herself. “Yes. Yes I am — do you wanna go out with me, Candace?” 

CANDACE: This was not how Candace imagined this going. Getting a girlfriend. Getting a girlfriend who was Vanessa. The thought had always felt taboo. Any time it came to her, she pushed it away. It was confusing and strange, wanting Vanessa. For so long, she had thought she hated her, but just like everything else in her life right now—things had turned upside down. 

She was going to be a scientist, not an actress. And she was gonna date a girl like Vanessa. All sharp edges and chipped black nail polish, instead of girls who wore flowy dresses and curled their hair. 

Maybe, Candace wasn’t who she thought she was. Maybe that was part of growing up. Figuring it out. There was some old cliche about that, wasn’t there? Candace couldn’t remember it, she was too busy getting a girlfriend. 

Candace smiled wide, all teeth. 

“Yeah,” she said, for once not overthinking things. She didn’t think about going back to Swynlake. What her friends would think or if it would be different. She was just thinking about Vanessa. “Yeah, I think I do.”

#swynvanessa #canvan #space camp arc #nasa arc #electric love #otp: there's nothing wrong with crazy

[i-want-candy]

Space Camp [Part Four: What’s the Problem? I Don’t Know.] ! [Canvan]

In which Candace and Vanessa fight...over dishes?...[takes place July 20]

@vanecessary-conditions

[tw -- none]

CANDACE: “VANESSA!” Candace barked from the kitchen where she was standing with her arms crossed. 

Things had been weird since the party a few days ago. She didn’t really see Vanessa much. They existed around each other, but not with each other. It had been a while since she had really talked to Vanessa, she was pretty sure she was avoiding her. (Candace was avoiding her too.) 

This was too much, though. It was like Vanessa was punishing her. For what? Kissing her?? Vanessa had been pretty enthusiastic about it too!! This wasn’t just her crime to repent for. The pressure had been building and building and now Candace wanted to explode. 

When the other girl finally appeared around the corner, Candace crossed her arms and jut her hip out. “These dishes have been in the sink for two days!” 

VANESSA: Vanessa was trying to nap, but someone had other ideas. She pressed both hands to her ears, hoping that Candace would lose her stamina. But the yelling continued, and finally Vanessa groaned, threw both legs off her bed, and marched outside her bedroom. 

She did not want to be having whatever conversation this was right now. Or ever, really. She wished she had the sort of roommate who left passive aggressive texts and sticky notes (but then again, that sounded equally as terrible, and Vanessa sort of preferred that Candace tell her everything to her face, if only because she was that sort of person as well). 

“I got home past midnight yesterday!” she shouted. “Forgive me for not jumping to do the dishes the minute I got home. And now I have a bad headache and I just wanna take a goddamn nap, but noooo, apparently —” Vanessa caught sight of just what dishes were in the sink and let out a bark of laughter. “Oh my God, Candace, it’s two bowls — are you really getting on my ass about two bowls?”

CANDACE: “Yeah! I am,” Candace huffed. “If you haven’t noticed, we only have two!”

It was weird. They’d gone almost this whole time without fighting. She was actually kind of enjoying living with Vanessa. They didn’t see each other much during the day, so it was nice to come back and kind of commiserate on the day. Plus, for the group intern stuff, she always had a buddy. Which made her a lot less anxious, because she didn’t think the other interns liked her very much and she didn’t know what she’d do with herself if all their field trips and special lectures…she spent alone. 

But--

That was why this was so annoying now! Vanessa was ruining a good thing! She should have just known this was going to happen. 

“What were you doing out at midnight anyway? We have work tomorrow!”

VANESSA: She’d already started the sink. Fine. She’d do the stupid dishes, even though Candace could totally just cut her some damn slack and do the dishes for her. She’d run the water scalding hot and scrub them so clean that Candace could see her pretty face in the bottom of it. Whatever. She could handle Candace getting upset about the dishes.

What really annoyed her, though, was when Candace started nagging her about her schedule. 

“It was a work thing!” snapped Vanessa. “I mean, kinda. Jess and I had an idea to maybe try infusing some magic into our intern project. Not the main one, but, like, a supplement.”

It had been going terribly, hence why Vanessa had been out so late. The regular intern project was well on track and going swimmingly, but Vanessa wanted more — she was finally good at something and she wanted to prove that she could be good at both magic and science. Jess was game for this experiment and so after work, they’d been finangling some spare bits and pieces to enchant a drone of their own.

She didn’t want to talk about how it was going.

“Why do you even care about my schedule?” Vanessa angrily scrubbed the bowl. “Not even my dad cared this much in high school.”

CANDACE: Candace felt another burst of jealousy. 

“Excuse me for caring! This is a big deal, we can’t screw it up.” 

Was she talking about Vanessa or herself? That was an easy question to answer, because Candace felt like she was screwing it up at every turn. Like no one liked her. Like no one thought she was smart or deserved to be here, because she wasn’t and she didn’t. Vanessa was smart. Vanessa had been doing this her whole life. Vanessa’s dad was a freaking scientist. Did she hate Candace too? Did she think Candace was a fraud or a fluke or the girl who just ran the social media? 

“Whatever.” She tossed the dish towel she’d been holding onto the counter next to Vanessa. “Don’t let me get in the way of yours and Jess’ little date.” 

VANESSA: “What the fuck are you talking about?” Vanessa felt the anger curl in her chest. She didn’t know why Candace was being so weird about this. “We were just doing a little experiment — playing with the scientific method or whatever. It’s not gonna fuck anything up and also, Jess has a girlfriend.”

Also, Jess wasn’t Vanessa’s type. She had short, buzzed hair and tattoos, which Vanessa thought were objectively cool, but she liked girls with long hair, hair that she could run her fingers through, hair that was a pretty, vibrant color —

She stopped herself before that thought careened off the metaphorical railway tracks in her head. 

“God! Why are you being so weird about two bowls? It’s not the end of the world!”

CANDACE: “I am not being weird.” 

Maybe she was. Her arms crossed over her chest and she dug her fingers into her biceps. She wasn’t being weird but she definitely was. Because she was jealous. She was jealous that Vanessa was so good at all of this. That people liked her. That she was smart. That she was hanging out with hot girls who were also smart and that people liked. Meanwhile, Candace was alone and she--depended on Vanessa’s company. She missed her when she was gone late. She wanted to know what she was doing. She wanted to be invited. 

“Whatever,” Candace said. “Just--clean your dishes. It is so annoying to not have any clean bowls.” She stalked off again, needing to go…cool off. Also, she didn’t want to try to explain herself any more than she already had. It might lead her to something that she would regret saying. (Like how she was jealous or how she missed her…) 

She waited in her room until she heard Vanessa’s door close and she could slip back out to make her breakfast. 

#swynvanessa #canvan #space camp arc #nasa arc #what's the problem? i don't know

[i-want-candy]

Space Camp [Part Three: The Cliche Party Scene] ! [Canvan]

In which Candace and Vanessa go to a party...[takes place: July 14]

@vanecessary-conditions

[tw -- none]

CANDACE: It had actually been Vanessa who’d gotten invited to the party, not Candace. She hadn’t really made friends with many people in her part of the program. They were nice! She liked them! But, she also felt like she’d embarrassed herself in front of them one too many times already. Asking questions she was supposed to already know the answer to, talking about how she had been a theater major before this hadn’t really endeared her to anyone. 

She was jealous of the way Vanessa came home talking about Kyle, Jessica, and Blake. How they seemed to have inside jokes. They’d invited them over for a game night one time and Candace had been absolutely crushed in a game of Trivial Pursuit, though she and Vanessa had made up for that embarrassment, at least a little, by crushing at Pictionary. 

This was a real party. Held at someone’s house who lived near the laboratories. (Convenient both for them and our story.) 

It was a large, white block building that looked like something right out of the movies, including the pool and the twenty somethings already out on the deck when they came up. The NASA program wasn’t that big. Probably about twenty-five people, but that was enough to make Candace extremely nervous as she flipped her braided hair over her shoulder and shifted from one foot to the other in her sandals. The edges of her summer dress fluttered around her thighs. 

“Do we knock you think?” she asked Vanessa as they approached the big, imposing door. “Or--is this a…walk right in situation?” 

VANESSA: Before Vanessa could answer Candace’s question, the door flew open. It was Blake, who grinned at her and waved.

“Hey! We saw you on the doorbell cam!” Blake motioned to the little camera perched on the doorframe. “Soo-young was just telling us about how she rigged hers up back at MIT to play the Imperial March when people walked up — that’s from Star Wars,” they added.

“Oh my God, way to mansplain!” Vanessa laughed. It was a running joke they had that one of their little group would overly explain some simple pop culture concept and everyone else would jump on them, shouting “way to mansplain!” (regardless of the person’s gender). At this point, Vanessa couldn’t really remember how it started, but it was really funny. Well, to her and Kyle and Jess and Blake, at least. 

Blake laughed too and then ushered them inside. It was decently crowded already — Blake actually grew up in the area, and this was their parents’ house. Their parents were out of town for the weekend, so it was perfect for party time. They’d invited some of their friends in the area too, and also a lot of people who went to Stanford who they knew from an old internship. 

Vanessa wasn’t intimidated, though. These were her sort of people — the people who’d play Spotify through their PS5 and keep it on meme songs throughout the night (currently, it was blasting Shooting Stars). 

“Drinks are in the kitchen — cold stuff in the fridge.” Blake pointed in that direction. “Help yourself to whatever. There’s a ton of mixers too. We were gonna set up beer pong on the deck in a sec!” 

“I just remembered I can’t legally drink in the United States,” Vanessa snorted, as they made their way to the kitchen. “Don’t rat me out.” 

CANDACE: Candace jumped a little when the door opened and then stayed quiet…and awkward…as Vanessa went back and forth with her friends. Her brow furrowed a little at the explanation of the Imperial March, because she thought it was kind of annoying to assume they didn’t know--but then, Vanessa was laughing about it. That was definitely not something she’d laugh about usually…so there was something going on here that she didn’t understand. 

It made her feel…really out of place. Candace had gotten used to that at work. No one else really talked to her unless necessary. She did her work, and she did it well, and then she went home where Vanessa was, usually, kind of a reprieve. The only person here who really paid attention to her. But seeing Vanessa around her friends, laughing and being included. It made Candace jealous.

Though, she wasn’t sure who of. Vanessa or her friends. 

When Vanessa turned to her and murmured about drinking, Candace was pleased. Some of her awkwardness sliding away. As long as Vanessa didn’t like…ditch her or something, maybe this would be okay. 

“Good thing it’s not BYOB,” she told her, nudging her arm as they wove through the crowd and were spit out into the kitchen. “I woulda had us covered if it was, don’t worry.” She moved over and picked up a good ol’ red solo punch and then peered at the punch sitting in a bowl. Getting hammered kind of seemed like a good idea, so she dunked her cup into it and took a sip.

“Wow, shit. This is strong.” She took another sip.

VANESSA: Vanessa curled her nose at the punch and took a small sip. She smacked her lips together. 

“Ah, nothing like American college jungle juice — or at least I’ve been told. Y’know, I guess I’m kinda spoiled by being able to just walk into a bar back in Swynlake.” She took another small sip. This time the flavor went down a little easier. “But then again, they don’t have these red solo cups in England.” 

She let out a cackling little laugh, though she wasn’t sure why, except — well, this was weird, wasn’t it? She and Candace at a party, because of their NASA internship. She and Candace were roommates and they weren’t fighting (as much) and this was gonna be a fun party, the sort of party where people would get drunk but they’d also play Super Smash Bros and Jackbox. She could see a faint haze of reagents buzz around everyone, and it all glowed in the summer air in a way that made her feel… well happy. 

It was the coolest Vanessa had felt in a long time. She felt like she belonged. 

“You wanna go out and play beer pong?” asked Vanessa, after she’d managed to gulp down more of her drink. “Or if they already have teams, we can sit by the pool. I think I see Jess out there!” 

CANDACE: Candace didn’t really want to go play beer pong with Jess and whoever else. Not because she didn’t like beer pong. She wasn’t that much of a stick in the mud. Beer pong could be fun! She’d played it a few times at PrideU. She just…didn’t know Vanessa’s friends. But what would be worse would be being left behind by Vanessa. So, she nodded and followed Vanessa out onto the patio. 

This house was swanky. She wondered if Pacifica’s house looked like this. (Pacifica was the richest out of the Henry, Pacifica, and Rose trifecta, at least as far as Candace could tell. Only one of her friends had a Wiki page, after all.) The water was cool. She’d slipped off her sandals and hiked up her skirt, sitting on the pool’s edge. She chatted with a few people. Was handed a refill by Vanessa at one point. 

She liked watching Vanessa playing. There was a strand of her hair that had escaped her ponytail and stuck in a curl against her neck. The reflection of the pool lights made her skin glow blue and she looked--ethereal. 

God, Candace was drunk. She had no idea how much time had passed but when she stood up, her legs dripping water and moved towards Vanessa, she was feeling a little spinny, but in a good way, like Jupiter. She slunk towards Vanessa, who was chatting now with her other friends. Her chin snuck over the other girl’s shoulder.

“Hey,” she giggled, “do you know where the bathroom is? I gotta dry off.” She touched a wet foot to the back of Vanessa’s leg. 

VANESSA: Vanessa was having a great time. 

She’d drunk just enough that she felt like she was floating. She was totally winning beer pong with Jess. Everyone was laughing at her jokes and everyone was smiling at her. When she did a little bit of transmutation magic and turned the ping pong ball into a glass eyeball and back again, everyone oooh’d and aaah’d. And Vanessa just felt cool.

She hadn’t forgotten about Candace, though, and she kept looking up and across the pool to make sure Candace was okay. Because they’d come here together, duh, and it was like unspoken girl code to make sure that the person you came to a party with wasn’t being, like, forced to binge drink or being taken into a dark room by some douchebag.

But Candace looked alright. She sat by the pool and she talked to a few people. The wind swept through her hair. At one point, when Vanessa looked up, Candace was already looking at her. And Vanessa stuck out her tongue, but smiled, and Candace giggled, and Vanessa totally missed the next shot in beer pong.

Anyway, when Candace came over, Vanessa was already pretty drunk. And also, she definitely needed to pee so she nodded to Candace.

“Let’s go together,” she said, leaning forward a bit so she didn't have to yell over the crowd of people. “I gotta take piss anyway.”

CANDACE: “Cute,” Candace said with her nose wrinkled, but she reached down to take Vanessa’s hand. She didn’t think about it, just did it. After all, they had to navigate through the crowd inside the house and she didn’t want to get separated. Vanessa’s hand was calloused, but warm. A little sticky from sweat, but so was Candace’s. 

They went through the sliding glass door, music pumping out of the speakers. The house was filled with warm yellow light. Candace had no idea where the bathroom was, but she headed towards the hallway she could see past the living room. Inside, it was suddenly darker, the lights not turned on. The first door she opened was to the laundry room, which was kind of weird, because this was a mansion, didn’t they just--send out for their laundry? 

Whatever.

She found the bathroom on the next try and opened the door. Searching for the light along the wall, she lit up the room. 

“Wow, this place is huge--you could have a party just in this bathroom.” Her hand dropped from Vanessa so she could put them up over her head as she danced over to the linen closet to the beat of the music that they could still hear. 

VANESSA: Vanessa snorted. She found her gaze lingering on Candace’s wiggling hips. She didn’t know why, except she thought it was kind of cute the way she danced towards the linen closet. She immediately snapped her eyes away and looked for the toilet. 

Candace was right — the bathroom was big enough so that the toilet, for some reason, was in a separate room within the bathroom. Vanessa wasn’t going to question it because it worked exactly for their purposes right now. Namely, so that she could pee while Candace looked for towels. Or danced.

“Don’t get lost in here,” she said, passing Candace on the way to the toilet. Their shoulders brushed slightly. Vanessa smirked, then slipped into the toilet room.

She once read somewhere that you never really knew how drunk you were till you stopped to take a pee. She thoguht of that whenever she went out — her first freshers night, every time she went to Pixies, whenever she trekked to an off-campus party. Tonight was no exception. She sat on the toilet, forearms resting on her knees, and the whole room seemed to spin.

After she flushed and washed her hands — because this fancy toilet room had its own dang sink! — she opened the door, and there was Candace, standing in the white marble bathroom, the light catching on her hair and illuminating it like a halo.

Vanessa’s heart skipped a beat. It fluttered, and she must’ve been really drunk because she blurted out, “Your hair looks pretty.” 

CANDACE: Candace reached up and touched her hair, the towel she had been using to dry off her legs limp in one hand, her foot still on the lip of the tub. She blushed. 

“Oh, uh--thanks! It took me a long time to do something with it that was like…not annoying and ugly.” Candace shrugged a little. She never liked her hair. The color was ugly, in her opinion. It couldn’t decide if it wanted to be blonde or red and wound up this lame…washed out color. Not the dark auburny color of Phineas’ hair or even the rich red of her mom. She got some lame, low resolution version. 

“I could, uh, do yours like this sometime if you want? It’s, uh, long enough. And pretty too!” It was. She was pretty sure it was a nice brown usually, but right now, under the lights, from the sweat of the California heat, it looked black as an oil slick. She came a little closer and picked up one of the locks, twirling it between her fingers. It was soft. She remembered that from when--

Her eyes darted to Vanessa’s, then away, then back again. 

VANESSA: “Did you ever read Anne of Green Gables?” Vanessa didn’t know why she suddenly said that. Maybe she was drunker than she thought, her mouth kinda moving on autopilot. The fact that Candace was twirling Vanessa’s hair between her pale fingers didn’t help. Vanessa tried to stop herself, but the word vomit kept coming.

“There’s that part where Gilbert grabs Anne’s hair and calls it carrots and she gets all upset and smacks him on the head with her chalkboard thing.”

Vanessa had never understood that. Judging by the illustration on the cover, Anne’s hair was a pretty red-gold, almost the same color that Candace’s was. And Vanessa thought it was beautiful and yeah, okay, when she watched the movie and realized that Gilbert had a crush on Anne and vice-versa, it all made sense. 

She reached to grab one of Candace’s braids now. She felt the overwhelming urge to tug on it, just really pull on it. Her heart beat stronger and she almost felt it in her fingertips. 

And instead of pulling Candace’s hair, Vanessa surged forward and kissed her on the mouth. 

CANDACE: Vanessa touched her hair and Candace felt like someone had pushed her into the pool, the way the feeling shivered all the way through her. And she didn’t even have time to recover before Vanessa kissed her. 

Her lips were cold and tasted like alcohol, but her breath was hot and wanting. Candace’s hands went to her face at once, tangling in all that wild hair as she kissed her back. Didn’t even have to think about it. She just did it. And it felt good. They stumbled backwards until Vanessa hit the wall, Candace crowded up against her.

It was just because she was drunk. That was the only reason she wanted to rub her body against Vanessa’s and never stop. Only because she was drunk did her fingers tremble and her breath catch when the kiss broke before she kissed Vanessa again. Only because she was drunk. This was fluke. Like the other kiss was a fluke. 

Vanessa was warm and familiar. Her kisses bit like fire. Candace felt the little explosions all over her body. Wherever Vanessa touched her. 

VANESSA: Candace’s lips tasted so familiar. In her slightly drunk state, Vanessa let that thought overwhelm her. Candace tasted familiar and like the best thing Vanessa had felt on the tip of her tongue in her entire life. Like a little bit of whatever flavored vodka she’d been drinking, and like a little bit of something like cinnamon, spicy and sweet.

Candace pushed her up against the wall and Vanessa felt a growl deep in her throat. She parted her lips, so that she could taste Candace fully, so that she could feel the heat of Candace’s mouth and the slick wetness of her tongue.

One of her hands wrapped around Candace’s braid, the other went down her arm, then to her waist, pulling Candace as close to her as possible.

Vanessa could feel her heart beating in her throat. She could feel it in her fingertips and in her chest and just everywhere. She’d never kissed anyone like this and she never thought that she’d be kissing Candace like this. Oh, she’d wanted to — she’d definitely wanted to, but she thought that first time they kissed was Candace being desperate and that it would never happen again.

Not that this was anything. This was being drunk, with a party raging outside, drunk and a little horny from the heat of the summer and the low thrum of the music. That was it. 

CANDACE: Vanessa pulled her closer and Candace was dizzy. She wanted to kiss and kiss Vanessa until she didn’t have any breath left. It had been a long time since she’d kissed anyone. And she’d never kissed someone like she wanted to drink them. Like she wanted to disappearing inside of them. But that was how it felt. She wanted this never to end. Vanessa smelt good, like her shampoo and sweat and alcohol and chlorine. She breathed hard against her. Her jaw was sharp against Candace’s fingers. Candace wanted to bite her, wanted to pull her hair and pull her shirt off--

“Hey!” Someone banged on the door and Candace jumped back from Vanessa like she’d been electrocuted. That was how it felt too. Now that their lips weren’t connected it was like the circuit was open. 

“Other people have to pee too! Hook up somewhere else.” 

Candace’s wide eyes blinked at Vanessa’s and then she turned towards the door, frantically trying to fix her hair in the mirror before opening the door. 

At least the person standing there wasn’t someone she recognized.

“We weren’t hooking up,” she blurted, stupidly. 

“Yeah, sure, whatever. Can I use the bathroom now?” 

“Er, yeah. Uh--sorry.” Candace blushed and glanced at Vanessa before moving down the hallway and back to the rest of the party, where she lost track of Vanessa. They met up to walk home though. It was well past midnight. You couldn’t see any stars in the city, but Candace kept her eyes on the sky anyway. And if her knuckles kept brushing Vanessa’s as they stumbled home, well--it was only because they were drunk.

#swynvanessa #canvan #space camp arc #nasa arc #the cliche party scene #otp: there's nothing wrong with crazy

[i-want-candy]

Space Camp [Part Two: Introducing...Heinz!] ! [Canvan]

In which Candace and Vanessa get an unexpected visitor in California...[takes place: July 6]

@vanecessary-conditions

[tw -- none]

VANESSA: So far, California was pretty good. And the internship was even better. It had only been a week and a half, but Vanessa was hitting her stride. She blew through the introductory stuff so quickly that her supervisor made a comment (a good comment too) and she was helping a bunch of other kids in the engineering program. Actually, she was getting along with a lot of them, too. There was this one guy, Kyle, who also drew in his free time and then there was this girl Jessica who had a long-distance girlfriend in Florida and there was Blake, who was a furry but like a cool furry.

All in all, Vanessa really felt like she found her people. None of them were Magicks, but they all seemed really excited about Vanessa’s magic, which she was super excited about too.

And y’know, living with Candace wasn’t so bad. They didn’t really see much of each other, except after work, where they sometimes shared meals and sometimes they didn’t. It was fine. Once, they ate In-and-Out and Vanessa decided it was overrated. That was a good night.

Anyway, Vanessa was home now, and Candace was also home, but they were in separate areas of the apartment which was fine by her. And Vanessa was scrolling through Twitter, when there was a knock at the door. She paused, wondering if Candace had ordered food, but Candace didn’t come out of her room. There was another knock.

“VANESSA?!” screeched an all too familiar voice. “VANESSA? ARE YOU HOME?”

“Oh no.” Vanessa dropped her phone, her face turning white. “Dad —”

And she threw open the door, coming face to face with one Heinz Doofenshmirtz, in all his gangly, labcoat-wearing glory. He threw up his hands and grinned. 

“Vanessa! Surprise! It’s me! Your father! Oh, who’s this?” 

CANDACE: The internship had been…harder than she thought. Which was stupid. Of course it was going to be hard, it was NASA. But there were so many small things that she just didn’t know about how things worked. Someone else on the internship team had had to show her how to adjust a telescope, which she hadn’t done before except those amateur ones you bought off Amazon. And someone else had to show her how to write a proper lab report, which was super different from the ones she wrote in high school. 

She came home most days with a headache, ready to cry. Candace was learning so much, she was really excited about it all, but it was also hard and her anxiety was ramped up so bad that she had to go to the bathroom in the lab just to cry and/or splash cold water in her face. 

Weirdly, being home in her apartment was a nice safe space. Even her and Vanessa’s tifts were familiar and much better than the other interns snickering at her. It was relaxing, coming home, watching the Kardashians and making fun of them with Vanessa, or just going to her room and laying down—

Which was what she was doing when someone started pounding on the door and yelling. 

Candace was annoyed at once. She rolled off her bed and padded down the hall, but Vanessa beat her to it, which meant she was standing with her arms crossed and a sour expression on her face when Vanessa’s dad (?!) showed up. 

“Uh—hi?” Candace glanced at Vanessa before looking back at the man at their door. “I’m Candace. Her roommate?”

VANESSA: Vanessa wanted to evaporate. She wanted to become a gaseous vapor and just drift out the window and up into the sky. There was no way her dad was here — here in California, grinning like an idiot, and enthusiastically brushing past her to shake Candace’s hand.

“Oh! Wonderful to meet you — I hope you’re better than the girl she roomed with freshman year. They got into so many fights. Vanessa told me about them on the phone. Sometimes when I called she’d still be yelling —”

“Dad,” Vanessa hissed. 

“-- I can’t remember her name, though. I never met her. I wanted to visit England, but you know, I am so busy with work and all that, but it just so happened I am in town for a conference —”

“Dad!” Vanessa yelled. She cleared her throat. “This is Candace… she’s my roommate from Pride U, too. My freshman roommate.”

Her dad looked incredibly confused for a moment, before realization dawned on his face. His jaw dropped, his eyebrows arched, and he clapped his hand on his forehead.

“Ah, see, I was actually confusing the freshman roommate story with my own freshman roommate! We also got into fights about his hairdryer.”

“It’s — it’s fine, Dad.” Vanessa’s cheeks burned. “Do you, uh, want to come inside?”

But he’d already walked in, plopping down on the couch and looking around. 

“I’m so sorry,” Vanessa said to Candace, not quite meeting her eyes. “I swear, he didn’t tell me about this. I would’ve told you if he was gonna visit.”

CANDACE: Candace’s lips quirked.

She should probably be mad that Vanessa had complained to her dad about her when they’d been roommates but--that would be hypocritical. And it wasn’t like Vanessa had ever hid it. They had fought in each other’s faces. Neither of them, really, were the passive aggressive type. So, all of their grievances had been aired out. Mostly. She thought so anyway. Maybe there were other things that had bothered Vanessa that she had kept to herself, but that didn’t seem like Vanessa. It also seemed…weird, in general. Like, what would she have kept to herself that she wouldn’t just say to Candace’s face? 

Besides, Candace knew that Vanessa had issues with her dad. That he was always promising to come visit and he never did. 

Maybe she was a little annoyed that she hadn’t been given the heads up, but she couldn’t be mad really. This was the first time that Vanessa had seen her dad in…what? Over a year? 

So, she just shrugged a little when Vanessa sidled towards her and murmured an apology. “I know. It’s fine.” 

“Can I get you anything Mr…er, Dr. Doofenshmirtz? We have water and…Coke.” She moved towards the kitchen, which could still be seen from the living room. “What’s this, uh, conference you’re in town for on?” 

VANESSA: “Oh it’s the Engineering and Virologists International Liaison,” said Heinz. He was splayed on their couch, arms across the back of it, looking around like he was a baby duckling or something. “The brightest minds from both fields meetup and discuss innovations and possible cross-research — not many people think the two fields mix, but you’d be surprised!” He waggled a finger and laughed. “And also, I’ll have a root beer float.”

“Dad,” Vanessa hissed. “You can’t just ask for a root beer float!”

“Why not? Do you have ice cream?”

“Uh.” The truth was they did actually have all the ingredients for a root beer float, but Vanessa wasn’t just going to make her dad a root beer float. 

“I can make it myself!” He leapt off the couch with astounding agility and clapped his hands together. “I knew you would have all the ingredients — it’s a Doofenshmirtz household favorite!” This was to Candace, with a large toothy smile.

Vanessa wanted to evaporate and take Candace with her to save her from the pain. 

“So! Tell me more about your time at NASA — any big secret government projects?” He winked as he opened the freezer. “What are you doing, Candace? Not engineering stuff? Are you working on the social media side?” 

CANDACE: Candace’s eyebrows rose slightly at the root beer float comment, just because it was weird. Who just--had a root beer float at home? Candace had never heard of that. Not that she had a problem with it. She thought that root beer floats were really good and fun, but they were for special occasions. Post-local baseball games when Phineas had been in the little leagues or, like, when you went to an ice cream shoppe. 

She kind of laughed at the fact it was a Doofenshmirtz favorite. It made sense now and was…kind of sweet. Did the Flynns have anything like that? She…did think so. Maybe Pictionary, but didn’t everyone’s family like Pictionary? The thought made her miss her family.

Moving slowly, she went to the little bar of the apartment and slid into one of the high chairs. The kitchen was too small for all three of them to be in it.

The question made her blush, the shame burning through her. Her eyes darted towards Vanessa and then she glanced down, pinching the nerve between her thumb and finger hard under the counter before looking up.

“Uh, no--I’m working in the astronomy lab. We’re uh--helping coordinate some of the James Webb Telescope expedition.” 

VANESSA:

Vanessa flinched at that question. Her first reaction was to jump in and say something, to defend Candace for some reason. She didn’t know why and the thought made her cheeks burn. But thankfully Candace looked just as embarrassed, which meant she probably wasn’t looking at Vanessa when she answered. 

Besides, she could defend herself. No reason to make it weird. 

“Ohhhh, for some reason I thought you were a theater major,” said Heinz  Vanessa heard the sound of a soda bottle opening. “I must’ve gotten you confused with someone — but that is so cool! I made one of those photos my phone background. Don’t worry, Vanessa, the lock screen is still you.”

“Thanks,” said Vanessa flatly. There was some loud clattering, the sound of cups and glasses being moved around. Vanessa glanced at Candace nervously, but looked away before Candace could meet her gaze.

Finally, Heinz  emerged from the kitchen with two root beer floats. She felt weirdly embarrassed again, especially at how excited he looked holding them. Yes, they had their family traditions, but it was just the two of them, so it was embarrassing to show to someone like Candace, who had a nice big blended family. 

But she took it in between two hands, looking at the slightly melted ice cream 

“Oh — there’s one on the counter for you, Candace,” said Heinz. “Or do you want this one? Sorry. It’s a safety hazard to hold more than two root beer floats at a time. Well, for me at least! Last time that happened, I wound up in the emergency room — now that’s a story Vanessa can tell you later.”

CANDACE: It all happened very quickly. Heinz had kind of a whirlwind personality. Several times during his monologue, Candace opened her mouth, thinking she should answer his question--but he just continued on. She realized that he was just…like that she supposed. Which was kind of funny, because it reminded her of her mom a bit, who really liked to hear herself talk. And it also juxtaposed Vanessa, who Candace obviously thought was chaotic, but in a much more…grounded sort of way. Maybe it was just because she’d gotten used to Vanessa’s version of chaos. 

She tried to get used to Heinz’s too. She could at least be polite.

Candace was still standing in the living room with her arms crossed when Heinz returned and her gaze zeroed in on the two floats. One for Vanessa, one for him. Candace wasn’t a Doofenshmirtz. She didn’t get a float. That made sense! It also kind of stung in a way that Candace couldn’t quite explain. She was already thrown off by the whole Heinz expected her to have been doing social media instead of actual science. (And, yeah, when he mentioned theatre, the comment made sense (and it made Candace wonder how often Vanessa had talked about her for her dad to remember all of that) but it still stung a little bit.) 

But then he mentioned that there was one for her too and she blinked. “Oh, uh--thanks! I’ve got it. You can, uh, sit down--before we, er, have to take a trip to the ER…I don’t have American health insurance anymore.” She gave a dry sort of laugh before ducking into the kitchen for her drink. She smiled at it to herself and took a sip before heading back into the living room.

“Did you--uhm--want some time with Vanessa? I can, uh--make myself scarce.” Candace’s gaze darted to Vanessa, before looking back at Heinz. 

VANESSA: Suddenly, Vanessa didn’t want Candace to go.

It was a weird feeling that hit her like a semitruck. She didn’t want Candace to go because… because she wanted Candace to get to know her dad. She wanted her dad to get to know Candace. They were completely separate parts of her life, one in Swynlake, one back in the States, and even though she rarely admitted it, they were both huge parts of her life. And it was weird that she knew Candace’s family, that she came over for Thanksgiving one year, but Candace knew nothing about Vanessa’s.

And it was even weirder, because for the most part, Vanessa didn’t really talk about her dad much in Swynlake. 

Suddenly, though, she wanted her dad to tell embarrassing stories to Candace. She wanted Candace to laugh and smile at her —

She shut that thought down with a loud slurp of her root beer float.

“Ah, yes — I made dinner reservations for two,” Heinz said, ducking his head apologetically. “Totally forgot about a roommate! I am so sorry — but we will bring you leftovers if you want, yes Vanessa?”

“Dad, don’t make it weird,” Vanessa huffed. She glanced up at Candace. “I mean. We can if you want.”

“Anyway, the reservation is at 6 so we still have an hour —”

“It’s 5:30!”

“Oh. Oh! Ugh, I guess my smart watch did account for the time zone and I didn’t have to reset it.” He clapped his hand to his forehead and bolted up. “Sorry for the speedy exit, Candace! But so nice to meet you — please keep up all your good work on the telescope!” In two big steps, he made it to the door, then turned around and squawked. “Come on, Vanessa!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Vanessa heaved herself up. When she walked past Candace, she hesitated for a moment, then shrugged, grabbing her keys and wallet from the kitchen counter. “See ya.”

#swynvanessa #canvan #space camp arc #nasa arc #introducing...heinz! #featuring dr doofenshmirtz

[i-want-candy]

Space Camp [Part One: Moving In] ! [Canvan]

In which Vanessa and Candace arrive in their apartment for the summer...[takes place: June 27, 2022]

@vanecessary-conditions​

[tw -- none!]

CANDACE: It had been a loooong trip from England to California. 

Three planes, a taxi, and an argument with the landlord later, Candace and Vanessa stumbled into their furnished, sublet apartment. She glanced around, squinting in the vestiges of sun peeking through the closed blinds,  looking for a light switch. The apartment was small. Cute. It already had art on the walls, decorated in a clean bohemian vibe. The dish soap on the counter in the kitchenette was half used. This was an apartment that was lived in. Which was kind of a weird feeling, but Candace didn’t think much about it. She didn’t have the brain space.

Candace and Vanessa hadn’t spoken much on the trip. They didn’t book their seats together, so they didn’t really see each other until baggage claim, at which point they were both too tired and grumpy. 

“Ugh. I know that airplanes are an amazing feat of modern engineering,” she said as she felt along the wall for the switch, “but I wish we had already invented time travel. I’m knackered. And starving.” The lights flickered on and Candace squinted. “Ugh. Should we order food?” 

She left her suitcase by the door and flopped, face first, onto the couch.

VANESSA: It was a nice apartment. Much nicer than her dorm, anyway. Not that her dorm wasn’t nice, but it was good to have separate bedrooms and also an actual kitchen. Not that Vanessa ever cooked much, but y’know, it would be good not to bump into the Henry Charmings of the world. 

Vanessa stepped into the kitchen now, poking around the pantry while Candace fell on the couch. It wasn’t surprising that the people subletting this place didn’t leave any food… but Vanessa was still hopeful. She was the master at finding free food on campus and taking advantage of any and all university events that gave out free Pizza Planet. 

But… as it turns out her skills did not necessarily translate to vacant apartments. 

“Ugh, yeah I’m starving,” said Vanessa, standing on her tiptoes to open a cabinet above the sink. It had some wine glasses in it, but nothing else. She glanced at Candace, facedown on the couch, her bright hair splayed all over it. Vanessa felt an inexplicable urge to tug on her hair, like they were kids on the playground or something. It was weird. Vanessa jerked her head away and opened the empty fridge, studying the light intently. 

“Wanna do, like, Taco Bell or something? I miss some good crappy tex-mex.” 

CANDACE: “Oh, shit. We’re in America again!” Candace’s head popped up at the thought and she pushed herself onto her elbows, so she could get out her phone. 

“I could go for some Taco Bell. Baja Blast, my beloved. England has nothing on American fast food. Especially in stupid Swynlake.” With their stupid no-chain rule or whatever. 

She pulled up GrubHub and changed the address, scrolling through the options idly. “There is also In-and-Out and Subway nearby,” she commented. “Taco Bell still sounds best to me. You want something? I can put our order in. It’ll get here in twenty. Perfect. Just enough time to shower. I gotta get this travel off of me. Er—“

Right. There was only one bathroom. 

“Were you gonna shower?”

VANESSA: Vanessa had never actually tried In-and-Out, since that seemed like a big California thing, but she agreed that Taco Bell sounded the best. Especially with the surge of unfamiliar stuff going on, she wanted something simple and comforting (and she had a vendetta against Subway, having worked in the local one all through high school). She was about to rattle off her order (a Crunchwrap supreme and a bean burrito, with one large baja blast and also some cinnamon twists), when Candace mentioned showering.

For some reason, Vanessa blushed. As if they hadn’t shared a bathroom for two years already. As if they hadn’t gotten into stupid fights about Vanessa showering late at night and Candace leaving her blowdryer on the sink.

“Uh, you can go first. I’ll be around to pick up the order. I’ll shower after, when I’m covered in Fire sauce and nacho cheese — oh, do you wanna split nachos?” She flopped onto one of the tall chairs at the kitchen counter. 

CANDACE: “Ew,” Candace said, but she snorted a laugh as she typed in her order. Her head tilted as she considered Vanessa’s ask. “Sure, I could go for nachos.”

Which was kind of weird, because once upon a time, Candace wouldn’t have shared anything with Vanessa. But, well, a lot had changed. She wasn’t sure what…exactly. If you asked her, she wouldn’t be able to pinpoint it. There wasn’t just one inciting incident. It wasn’t the Big Bang. It was more like…evolution. It happened slowly, over time. Until now, she didn’t mind the idea of sharing nachos or sharing an apartment for the summer. 

“What’s your order?” 

Vanessa told it to her and Candace clicked the items. “Oh man, this is gonna be so good. I can’t wait to shower and eat and nap and then put my clothes away.” They were going to be here for a few months! Of course Candace was going to put her clothes in the dresser drawers and closet. She was the kind of person who unpacked her suitcase in a hotel. 

“Okay. Order should be here by 2:00pm. I feel like I should be self-conscious about the time, but whatever. It’s California, I feel like they’ve had weirder.” She slid off the couch then and dragged her suitcase back to the room that they’d already agreed would be Candace’s. It was a little bigger, so she was paying like 20$ more, but that was worth it to her. She unzipped her suitcase, got out her shower stuff and then padded back down the hall.

“Hey!” she called around the corner towards the living room, before stepping into the bathroom. “Don’t eat my food if it gets here before I get out or I’ll kill you. Okay, bye.” She closed the door.

#swynvanessa #canvan #space camp arc #moving in #short and sweet #establishing para #and a tease ;)

[i-want-candy]

Where No Woman Has Gone Before ! [Canvan] [Valentine’s Trope Extravaganza]

@vanecessary-conditions

Candace and Vanessa had lucked out on their first assignment after the academy. It wasn’t often that you were placed on your first pick starship, and even less likely that you would be placed there with your girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, Starfleet always made a big fuss about being family-friendly; not that you could take your kid on a spaceship, but they tried to keep spouses together. Candace and Vanessa weren’t spouses, though. They were just extremely lucky girlfriends.

The USS Swynlake had been good to them so far. Captain Lyons was a young captain, but smart and funny. They’d already been on several missions and she’d come to trust him, along with other members of the crew, but no one, of course, as much as Vanessa. 

Who she was currently on her way to see, boots squeaking along the sleek hallways of Swynlake’s lower decks. She had just finished her own Beta shift up on the observation deck, cataloguing gaseous anomalies. It wasn’t often hers and Vanessa’s schedules lined up, but she was excited to pick her up and head down to the caf for dinner. 

“Attention Starfleet Swynlake.” That was Captain Lyon’s voice over the comm. Considering the captain always had Alpha shift, the fact he was still awake probably wasn’t a good sign. “We are transitioning to a code yellow as we have received a distress signal from Planet Vendor and, as the nearest starship in the fleet, we’ve been tasked with checking it out. It will take us a few hours to get there, so go about as normal, but be on alert. Captain out.” 

Well...okay. That wasn’t entirely alarming. Not great, but that was why they were out here! Mostly to catalogue the Beta Quadrant, but also to help out when needed. 

She basically ran into Vanessa as she was coming out of turbolift.

“Oh, hey! I was just coming to get you for dinner!” Candace greeted her girlfriend with a smile, leaning in for a kiss. 

[outfit]

#swynvanessa #canvan #where no woman has gone before #lookbook #this title makes me chuckle #:sparkles: make star trek gay :sparkles: #yeah im just #making our other characters the NPCs on the ship and WHAT OF IT

[i-want-candy]

What is This Feeling? ! [Canvan]

In which Vanessa interrupts a private moment...[takes place: February 2, 2022]

@vanecessary-conditions

[cw: panic attack]

CANDACE: Candace had just gotten her final grades.

And, yeah, she’d failed her theater workshop. Of course she had failed her theater workshop. Her professor had told her she was going to fail “after that stunt you pulled.” Candace had almost wanted to ask what stunt? It hadn’t felt like a stunt to her. It had felt like the only possible outcome. She hadn’t had a choice. But, she had lost her voice somewhere between forgetting her lines on stage and screaming at Atta afterwards.

The last few days, she’d been hollowed out. 

But seeing that grade: failed, actually typed out on her transcript--it was the final nail in the coffin. Her theater career was probably over now and what was she supposed to do? She wasn’t worth anything if she couldn’t even act. Her mother had invest so much in her acting classes, her dance classes, her music classes, her singing classes. A whole fortune had been spent and Candace had wasted it. Had become a failure, just like her father had probably always seen in her.

He had gotten out before she really tanked. Her mom was probably wishing she had done that too.

Candace felt her breath hitch in her chest from where she was sitting at her desk. She slammed her laptop down, trying to catch her breath but it only got worse, until she felt like there wasn’t any oxygen in the room. That didn’t make sense, but Candace didn’t think about why. She was a scientist at heart and that was telling her that, according to her body’s response, there was no atmosphere in this room. She had to go somewhere else.

She stumbled into the bathroom, not even bothering to turn the light on, fumbling with the lock. At the sink, she turned on the faucet and ran her hand under the water, slapping it onto the back of her neck, trying to cool herself down, but there still wasn’t any oxygen. She slid down onto the floor, turning and curling up against the cabinets, putting her head between her knees and squeezing her eyes shut. 

VANESSA: Vanessa opened the bathroom door, switched on the light, and promptly screamed.

What? She wasn’t expecting anyone to be inside the dark bathroom. She certainly wasn’t expecting to see a figure curled up next to the cabinets, and for a moment, she wondered if some sort of sniveling creature had crawled in from the vents and was now living in the joint bathroom. But then her eyes adjusted and she realized that the crying creature was actually Candace.

Vanessa blinked. Candace? 

Yeah, yeah, they shared a bathroom, but running into another person using it happened so rarely, because they all had a pretty good system going where whoever was in the bathroom made sure to turn the lights on when they used it. And also lock it.

Vanessa was about to snap and say something about how she needed to shower and Candace could do whatever it was she was doing somewhere else, but then it did hit her that Candace was crying and didn’t look so hot, so she bit back those words and swallowed them like a bitter pill.

(They went down easier than she expected). 

“Uh,” she said, taking a step towards Candace and gently prodding at Candace’s foot with her own. “Do you… need anything…?” 

CANDACE: The door banged open and there was a shriek, but Candace barely heard it. Barely flinched. She was already in a wind tunnel, her own breath and blood rushing through her ears, making it impossible to hear anything else. Hell, she could barely feel her body. Her arms were wrapped around her knees, fingers pressing tightly into her skin. 

She couldn’t even think about how stupid she was not to lock the door. How embarrassing it was to be found the way she was. Or how it was all worse because it was Vanessa, who wouldn’t waste anytime spreading this around campus to every single person. Ruining Candace’s life and her authority. No one respected girls who cried in bathrooms so hard that she thought she might die.  

Candace could think of none of that. Only the fact that she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her sobs were silent, but there were followed each time by a ragged sound, a clicking, shuddering in her chest, she felt like a machine that had been built all wrong and was now rusting. Ready to fall apart. 

Something nudged her foot and Candace jerked her head up, wishing she was a pufferfish, or another animal with aposematism, so that she wouldn’t have to find the words. For a moment, she just stared at Vanessa, eyes wide, mascara smeared on her face. She reached up and scrubbed her sweater sleeve across her eyes. 

“Go a-away,” she managed to rasp, gathering her sweater sleeves in her fingers and pressing them to her eyes. She bent over and shook her head. “Just—leave.”

VANESSA: The cloud of reagents around Candace was thick and dark, like the sort of smog she’d seen in pictures of Los Angeles. Vanessa couldn’t figure out what it all was, not without really studying Candace, which she knew wasn’t the move right now. But it was the sort of smog that Vanessa was certain would choke Candace if left unattended.

And, y’know, even though Vanessa and Candace had had their differences, Vanessa wasn’t about to leave Candace alone in the bathroom —

She darted out. Quickly, but only to pour a glass of water from her Brita filter. And before she could tell herself this was a bad idea and that she was probably the last person that Candace wanted to see, Vanessa slipped back into the bathroom and crouched down on the floor. She placed the glass on the floor then nudged it forward.

“You should drink something,” she said. “I always get a headache if I cry and don’t drink something.”

CANDACE: Vanessa actually did as she was told and left Candace alone. For once, she actually listened. Why couldn’t she have just done that months ago? So many things would’ve been easier. 

It felt--different now. As soon as Vanessa disappeared, Candace felt cold and alone again. Like a cloud had passed in front of the sun. She didn’t understand it and she wasn’t really in a state to think too much about it, but she felt it in her body which was still tense and trembling as she tried to catch her breath. And she felt it in her heart, which was wringing like a sponge. There was nothing left inside of it. Vanessa left and Candace was truly alone.

Wasn’t that what she wanted?

No, whispered a voice. She didn’t know whose it was. Maybe her own. Maybe it was some stupid spell Vanessa had cast. 

Candace pressed her eyebrows into her knees and continued to cry. The big, heavy kind of sobbing that came when there was nothing left. Her face was sticky from tears and snot. Her ears were hot and her arms were beginning to ache with how tight she was holding them around her knees. 

There was a sound. Something knocked clumsily against her foot. She didn’t look up, but she heard Vanessa’s voice. She was back. She had come back. Candace screwed her eyes shut tighter, crying harder, wetter--but softer, her whole body shaking. She wasn’t alone--but why did that make her want to cry even more? 

She wanted to reach out for Vanessa. To lean forward and collapse into her arms. To tell her to put some curse on her so she’d never cry again. 

Instead, she just shook her head where it was still pressed to her knees and gasped. “I-I can’t.” 

VANESSA: Vanessa didn’t know why she did what she did. She wasn’t thinking, maybe. That’s what she’d tell herself later.

What Vanessa did was get on her knees and lift the glass of water. What Vanessa did was lean forward, so close to Candace that she could smell Candace’s perfume (and she knew how it smelled, because of course she did. Because she’d spent a year pretending she hated it). What Vanessa did was hold the glass up to Candace’s head and then gently reach her other hand around the back of Candace’s neck.

Her fingers wrapped around Candace’s hair.

Vanessa swallowed.

She was not going to overthink this.

“Slowly lift your head up,” she instructed. “I can help you. It’s just a small step. You can do that, right? You can do it. I know you can. I’ve seen you help the drunk freshman get back to their rooms, you can totally do this. It’s just lifting your head. I have the glass, okay?”

CANDACE: Something soft touched her head, stroked at her hair. She felt it tingle all the way up and down her spine, like every neuron was firing at once. It stuttered her breathing and she was able to hold it, just as long as the sensation lasted. Vanessa’s fingers were cool on the back of her neck. The touch grounded her, pulled her back into her body, where she could feel the aching of her muscles from the way she had curled herself so tightly. 

She lifted her head as Vanessa coaxed her. She wasn’t sure why, she couldn’t explain it. The feeling inside of her was as complicated as particles and atoms. They changed and moved and shifted in ways that defied all logic but felt as true and instinctual as breathing. Her watery gaze met Vanessa’s and all she could think about was how warm her dark eyes looked, like twin suns. 

Her gaze flickered to the glass as Vanessa brought it closer. Candace was still crying and hiccuping but it was softer now and as the water touched her lips, she drank it in on instinct, all her muscles working to help keep her alive. 

Her hand unclenched from around her legs and she reached up to grab the glass, so Vanessa didn’t have to hold it. She leaned back against the cabinets and lowered the glass, which trembled in her hands as she continued to cry, more softly now. Her face was still hot and red, but at least she didn’t feel like she’d been airlocked in a decompression unit. 

“Thanks,” she sniffled. “S-sorry.” She was aware enough to be embarrassed now, her face hot and red for an entirely different reason. “I didn’t—I mean—if you t-tell anyone—” The threat felt flat. She wasn’t even sure what she was going to say. Instead, she just lifted her shaky hand up and took another sip of the water. 

VANESSA: “I’m not gonna tell anyone,” Vanessa snapped. It wasn’t as sharp as it could’ve been and really, she only said it because she felt like she was supposed to. Now that Candace was holding the glass on her own, Vanessa dropped her hands, unsure of where to put them.

(She could still feel Candace’s hair tickle her fingers, like the reagent had jumped out on its own and imprinted onto her skin). 

She leaned back against the cabinet, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them. 

“Why would I tell anyone at this point? If I wanted to tell people, I would’ve already.” She said this matter-o-factly, like she was correcting someone at a math problem or pointing out the wrong type of reagent in a spell. Her head lolled to the side and she peered at Candace, raising her eyebrows.  “All I’d have to do is take out my phone. But I didn’t. So.” She stuck her tongue out. “That counts for something. I guess.” She paused, then quickly added. “You don’t have to say thank you. We can just not talk about this ever again.” 

CANDACE: Candace snorted. The smile flickered on her face like a light whose circuit wires had come loose. She couldn’t hold it. Her green eyes slid towards Vanessa and she looked at her, feeling like she was seeing her clearly for the first time--with her dark hair and dark eyes, the elegant slope of her nose and her plush pink lips. Her gaze lingered for a moment before she looked away again. Maybe it wasn’t just a circuit loose, but a few screws too. The room felt warm, but Candace shivered.

She wanted to ask Vanessa why she was being so nice, but she thought she knew the answer. Candace was too pathetic for even Vanessa to make fun of her right now. Which felt like a new kind of low. Vanessa always had something to nitpick about Candace. Her high-pitched voice, her need for order, her clothes or her stupid hair dryer. There was always something. 

Right now, there felt like there was nothing. Candace felt stripped and laid bare. She put her chin on her knees and pulled the skin on the back of her hand, watching it slowly go back down. She was dehydrated. She took another sip of her water. 

“You can say whatever you want,” Candace said, her voice bitter. “Everyone already knows I’m crazy. I don’t have any friends left.” Her lip wobbled and her eyes filled with tears again.   

VANESSA: “I’ll tell you a secret, Candace.” Vanessa dropped her voice lower. Her head was still turned to the side and she was still peering at Candace from an almost awkward angle. But she preferred this awkward angle, because the other option would be to sit in front of Candace and look right into her eyes, and to be honest, Vanessa didn’t know if she could do that without feeling like screaming. Not in a bad way. In a weird way. In a way that made her heart feel like it was gonna launch itself out of her chest and smash onto the floor.

She tilted her head a little closer, like she was really telling that secret.

“Everyone is crazy. Some people are just better at hiding it. And some people wear it loud and proud on their sleeves, ‘cuz they know it’s better to just get that crazy out there in the first place, because otherwise when people find out… then they leave.” She said that last part softer than she said the rest, turning her face forwards and shrugging a little. “The way I see it, if they leave you, then they weren’t your friend in the first place. Only the real ones stick around for the crazy. And there’s nothing wrong with crazy.”

She stuck her foot out so it hit the tub, her other knee pulled towards her chest, and she leaned forward so that her chest rested on that thigh and her head lay on her knee, her long hair nearly touched the tile floor. She could see Candace now, in all her snotty, weepy glory, and there was something about the way the light in the bathroom hit her hair that — 

“What I’m saying is, you’re wrong. You have friends who will stick by you no matter what. And this isn’t the worst thing you could’ve done, y’know?” She wrinkled her nose. “I heard about this one bitch who tried to sneak in paintball guns and got her roommate really upset.” 

CANDACE: Candace didn’t want to hear a secret from Vanessa. 

That was a lie. She desperately wanted to. The want surprised her. It felt like an electric current under her skin and she stood very still, like if she moved, the electric shock would jump from her to Vanessa. They were sitting close enough, Vanessa’s warm side jostling her slightly as she shifted. Her eyes flicked towards Vanessa, cautious--trying to hide the way she wanted desperately to cling to something and, somehow, in this moment, Vanessa was that piece of driftwood, keeping her from drowning in the river of her own tears.

Everyone is crazy.

Candace didn’t believe that. If that was true, why would people leave, like Vanessa said. If everyone was crazy, the world would be a nicer place. Candace wouldn’t feel the need to try so hard to not be crazy, to ignore the way her brain itched and scratched. Vanessa had always worn it proudly. Candace had always hated it. She had hated Vanessa for being so brash and loud and unapologetic. She hated it because she wanted to be like that…

She wasn’t brash or loud now, though. In fact, she looked very softed. Her lips plush and pink. Candace had never noticed how full they were. (Yes, she had. Several times.) Candace looked away, reaching up her sweater sleeve to scrub at her face. But she looked back.

She looked back because she felt like she couldn’t not look back. Like they were magnets, caught in the same magnetic field, opposite poles. Attracted the way magnets attracted.

Candace laid her cheek on her own knees, staring at Vanessa. Their faces were very close, she could feel Vanessa’s warm breath. 

“Yeah,” she said, her voice soft, just a breath. She didn’t know what she was agreeing to, because she didn’t know if she believed Vanessa. 

Instead of trying to figure out what she meant, she just closed the gap  between them and pressed her lips to Vanessa’s. 

VANESSA: Vanessa wanted to say she could see it coming, but she didn’t. She blinked and suddenly Candace was kissing her and then in that next moment, she kissed Candace back.

She kissed Candace, and Candace’s lips were very soft and even though she’d  been crying and snotty and gross, kissing her felt like nothing Vanessa had ever felt before. That was a cop out. Kissing Candace felt like light. Kissing Candace felt like a confession, whispered urgently, one that she couldn’t believe was being uttered out loud. Kissing Candace felt like she was taking a deep breath and when she hadn’t realized she was holding her breath this entire dang time. 

Vanessa pushed forward slightly. She wasn’t thinking at all — about Candace crying in the bathroom, about the fact they both had roommates that could walk in, about the fact that this was Candace. The only thing invading her brain was Candace and her hair and her lips and her perfume.

Suddenly, everything made sense. And nothing made sense at the same time. Her brain felt like it was going to explode, like she was a ticking time bomb that Candace had somehow triggered, only she was kinda excited to see what would happen when everything went boom. 

Vanessa liked it when things exploded. She liked it when things were loud and brash and bold. She liked the chaos, reveled in it, wore it loud and proud like a freak flag. 

There was nothing more chaotic than this.

Something about that thought made her pull away sharply. She was still close enough to Candace that Vanessa could feel the heat from her body and she could still taste Candace’s lips on her own. But her gaze fell.

Candace was only doing this because she was crying in the bathroom. Candace was only doing this because she felt crazy, and, well, there was no one crazier in this whole dormitory than Vanessa.

“Don’t do something you’re gonna regret in the morning, sweetheart,” she said, trying to tease Candace a bit, but it felt hollow in her mouth. She swallowed that feeling, closing her eyes and tilting her head back. The next words she said ached in the center of her chest, but she knew she had to say them. “If we’re going to walk out of here pretending nothing happened, it’ll be easier if we just stop.”

CANDACE: Everything stopped. 

It didn’t, not actually. The Earth was still spinning at 1,000 miles per hour. At 66,000 around the sun. And the sun was orbiting the center of the Milky Way.  And the Milky Way was moving too, in a blur of motion, circling around the Andromeda galaxy. And that was all spinning towards the Virgo Cluster. 

But kissing Vanessa weighed Candace down. The gravity compounded, pressing her into the earth, to the cool tiles beneath her. She felt heavy and warm and calm. Her heart slowed. She didn’t think about the why. All she thought about Vanessa’s lips, which were rough and chapped, because of course they were. She thought about her dark hair, surprisingly soft where Candace’s hand had reached up to hold the side of her head, stroking the locks. There was Vanessa’s smell too, flooding her senses. Something damp and earthy, like the awful candles she would light that Candace complained about. It smelled good. Candace wanted to bury herself in it. 

What a relief, she found herself thinking vaguely. An echo in the back of her mind that sighed and let go. 

Vanessa jerked away, the kiss ending with a snap. Candace drew in a sharp breath, feeling like she’d just been shocked. 

What the fuck was she doing?!, kissing Vanessa? Of all people! Kissing someone who hated her. Kissing someone who she hated. 

She wanted to say something, jump to her own defense, but she could only watch Vanessa as she closed her eye. Leaned her head back. Her long, pretty throat exposed. Candace wanted to bite it. She dug her nails into the palms of her hands, cheeks burning bright red. Vanessa was rejecting her? This was a new low. 

“Like anyone would believe it, anyway,” she hissed, the words twisted in her throat. She got up, clumsily enough—still shaking and weak—that she knocked over the half empty cup of water. It spilled across the ground between them. She took a step back, turned, paused—

She wanted to say something else. There was nothing to say. She closed the door behind her.

#swynvanessa #canvan #what is this feeling? #screaming crying throwing up

[i-want-candy]

Talk Too Much ! [Canvan]

Candace: Yo -- I heard you got kicked out??? WTF??

#swynvanessa #canvan texts #texts #starting out strong #talk too much

[i-want-candy]

You’re Not That Discreet ! [Canvan]

@vanecessary-conditions​

Candace was having a relatively good start to her semester. She had done well on all her exams. She had an amazing girlfriend. A few good friends. A new puppy! And...she was even getting along with Vanessa. Kind of. Sort of. More than they had in the past.

Maybe this was just because both of them had found their groove and the people they wanted to hang out with. That meant they weren’t in the dorm as much, and hardly at the same time, so they weren’t getting in each other’s business all of the time. Though, they also worked together...that was usually fine. Candace was surprised that Vanessa was actually a pretty good worker. Also, they didn’t have to interact much. 

All in all, things were looking up. 

Candace was just coming back from class, stepping into the dorm when--

“Oh my god! What is that?!” she shrieked as soon as she saw her roommate kneeling by her bed and pushing something beneath it or...pulling something out. Or...doing something with it! 

IT being what looked like a WEAPON! Oh my god, had Candace just walked in on Vanessa’s plans to commit murder? Was she about to die?! 

#swynvanessa #canvan #you're not that discreet #MY EYES ARE WISE TO ALL YOUR LIES #sorry i just WILL use this gif at #every available moment

[i-want-candy]

You Are B-U-S-T-E-D ! [Canvan]

@vanecessary-conditions

Candace had gotten an email from the Dean of Students, Dean Hardscrabble.

At first, she thought it might be something to congratulate her for her grades. Or maybe something about the incident at the lake. She didn’t know why the school would be interested in that, but they just wanted to make sure she was going to be okay through finals. It was a small school, so that was a possibility.

It did not cross her mind that she might be in trouble until she showed up to the meeting and Vanessa was already sitting outside the office. Candace stopped short when she saw her roommate and made a face.

“Ugh, this is because of you, isn’t it?”

She tried to think back about the last few weeks and what they could’ve possibly done to get reported. They hadn’t even been fighting! Really, they were getting along better than they had the whole time they knew each other. Their combined dislike of Skip had bonded them a bit.

Oh. Wait.

This was about Skip, wasn’t it? Were they going to get in trouble?! Candace felt a flare of indignation and she opened her mouth to say something else but--

“Dean Hardscrabble will see you now,” the secretary said and Candace huffed, turning on her heel and went towards the office door. She opened it, holding it for Vanessa.

“Ah, Ms. Flynn, Ms. Doofenschmirtz,” said the dean, her voice soft and the smile on her face betraying nothing really. “Please, take a seat.”

Candace glanced at Vanessa once more, her heat was right at Candace’s shoulder and she kind of wished they could stay standing up like this. It made them feel a bit more like a united front. But, she wasn’t about to argue, all of her righteous bluster swept right out of her as soon as she saw the dean. Instead, she just slid into her seat.

[outfit]

#swynvanessa #canvan #you are b-u-s-t-e-d #i feel like im gonna use this title several times #in candace's history #and im happy about that

[i-want-candy]

Sweater Weather ! [CanVan]

@vanecessary-conditions

You wanna know the worse things about Candace’s roommate?

It wasn’t her ugly, hairy, nightmare-inducing spider. It wasn’t the fact she left spell ingredients everywhere, or her general clothes everywhere. It wasn’t that she weirdly chanted to herself or seemed to only know what the color black was and had never heard of another one. It wasn’t that she surly and sometimes when it was cold, she snored.

No. The worst part about Vanessa Doofenschmirtz was that, somehow, for some reason, Candace’s family totally loved her. 

Not only had Phineas decided that Vanessa was his new best friend, but her mom had decided that Vanessa was some pathetic orphan. (Which wasn’t even true! Candace had caught Vanessa emailing someone in her address book as “Mom” and she definitely talked to her dad on the phone at least once a week, which--just in case you were counting--was one more parent than Candace even had!) 

Leave it to her mom to make her roommate her new pet project. From inviting her to Thanksgiving to now, forcing Candace to carry a sickeningly cute, festive bag full of tissue paper to give to Vanessa. 

Candace didn’t even know what was in it.

She arrived back in the dorm on Sunday evening. Vanessa knew she was on the way because Candace liked to text her so that she would stop being so weird when Candace came back. She just assumed that her roommate ramped up the weirdness levels to absolute extreme when Candace wasn’t around. Who knew, she could be doing, like, animal sacrifices. 

“Hey,” Candace said as she came into the room, catching Vanessa’s eye. Somehow Candace managed to make the greeting sound dismissive. 

“This is for you.” Candace tossed the present at her. (Not hard. She was only like two feet away.) 

#swynvanessa #canvan #sweater weather #i love this pair #im also really glad #i could name a thread this #//gonna post the song now