#suicade room

[qhtcc]

Seversin, sevmekten fazlası yok

Mutluluk diye bildiğimiz şey de yok

Kandır kendini

Sadece yalanlar gerçektir

Neye inanmıyorsan

İnan...

Bütün yanlışlar doğru

Öğrendin işte

Al kalbini koy yanıma

Sendin hep sevgimin altında ezilen

Gel mesafeler yok

Sağima döndüm, hayır sen sol yanımsın

Yerin boş

Doldurmuyor kimse sadece cansız bir beden

İntihar var ellerin yokken

Dünya güzel bir yer değil

Kokun,unutulmuş bir kitap sonu

Gözlerin kaçıyor ben gelmiyorum arkandan

Unuttun mu ben cansız bir beden...

İnandım

Yak Işığı. Etrafına bak

Kapat

Karanlık daima iyidir.

Sessizlik olur

Sen konuşursun

Sen ve cansız bedenin

Yürü

Ölume yürü kimseyi alma yanina

Bir tek sen lazımsın

İntihar seni bekliyor

Aç camı bak gökyüzü simsiyah

Ayni hislerin gibi

Atla-ma

Şuan olmaz

Ağla-ma, kendine son bir kez iyilik yap.

Düşün anıları kalbinin derinlerindekileri

Zarar ver kendine sen artık ölüsün hissetmezsin acıyı

Çık cama

Aşsagiya bak

Orda değil demi

Zaten hiç olmadı

Anla !

O hiç olmadı

Sen hayal ettin hep

Işık açık

Cam kapalı

Sen onu sevmiyorsun

Evet şimdi

Uyan... Hepsi rüyaydı

#freedom #worse #death #blaun #power #quite #moonlight #suicade room

[gemondkid1]

Just Speaking My Mind

So I'm not looking for feedback just needed to put my mind at ease. I don't want to die, but I don't wanna be alive. I'm not the only one who's in this limbo and idk why I'm even making this post. I've hit another wave that has me drowning in my own self pity and I forgot how comforting it is. That's probably a bad thing to say but it's true. I feel so comfortable sitting in my pitch black room stairing at a monitor. I know when the wave is about to hit, and I know I should just swim back to shore instead of let it drag me out to sea but... by time that thought finishes i realize that I'm already 30 feet deep under. And I'm ok with that. I dont miss the clear sky, or the ability to breath. Simply because this suffocating caress that I've known since I was a kid just seems so... comforting. I feel chills flowing all over my body whenever something makes me slightly happy. It's like my depressions immune system kicking in just to let me know that I'm still in this mental. This is a long post so if you've read this far hey. How are you doing? I hope you're doing well. I've been trying to write this for 15 mins but I still have more I wanna say but I hit a writers block so this is to keep the juices flowing. Right back to the chills. Usually whenever they come through its followed by suicidal thoughts or a total emotional numbing. What I mean by that is that if I was watching a youtube video that made me laugh or slightly happy and I felt those chills the rest of the video would be nothing but me killing time until I'm able to pass out. If I'm able to sleep that is. When I get into that emotional numbness or suicadal thought process I have really bad nightmares. Things that happened in childhood or maybe that one girl that broke my heart, or even images of my aunt who's passed. I'll make a post about her next, tbh I loved her more than my parents for reasons that will be in a post about her. For now that's all I can think to write for this post. Now I'm missing my aunt so I'll do a new one about her. If you got this far thanks for reading, first time in a long time I've been able to to put my emotions and thoughts into words. I hope I didn't bore you too much.

#my story #strong