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cherry-o-piggy · 3 years

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And old slew

posted 3/7/2021

I think my number one requirement is that you keep up, which only the mentally ill do.

What does it say about me that all my friends are ADHD?

The black boys, they pass and bob and chat to rap like it’s beat poetry in the 1960s. Here with them I am in a modern historical moment of art discovering my aesthetic and true calling. I see this after a bias worry on repeat, looking back it was not a real fear, just a humorous societal conception, and who have I ever been to subscribe to society. Me and my white girl friend out smoked them in their own home and my friend, I hugged him in front of his friends, and he walked us out of his house like a true gentleman. It was truly the part of my soul that I wanted to share in a social setting.

“You’re not in charge of me, T[redacted] is.”

It’s 10 degrees in the dark and it’s just me and my skin wrapped in tight black fabric flying up the powdered hill like I was never meant to touch the ground in the first place. It is still 10 degrees and I’m replaying everything that has ever happened like maybe I’ll get a second chance that I don’t need, but want still. The 10 degrees rummage around in my bones and all the pain this new year brought, the pain of becoming women, intertwines itself with my heart so there is no difference. The 10 degrees keep me warm, from the pit of my stomach to my chest and red cheeks. It’s enough right now.

The concept of solidarity flowed from Budimir’s lips along with sweeties and engagement, and I truly think it is the first concept I ever truly understood. I do not know respect or love or good. But I know solidarity, I know solidarity deep down in my bones and my blood and my soul. And it just goes to show, it was never me, I just never met a good teacher.

My lust still rides with you, for safe keeping.

I don’t remember what your voice sounds like anymore, I used to be able to hear it in my head.

Every man both looks like you and the man who wanted me dead.

Sometimes I am hollowed out enough that the only feeling I have is my hands and they don’t seem to bare my heart’s intentions. But it is a much deeper part of my being they represent, one I wish someone worse would fulfill for me. Pity I am the only beautiful thing.

Part of my soul is an iris in the wind.

A wealthy woman in the glass, a thesis sustaining the validity of age regression in design and mini-practice, and collections combatting change in order to hold on to something.

There was a few moments of my life where I was obsessed with the devil in the woods by the ocean and the magic I would be allowed if I could just exist somewhere beautiful to be a little odd in peace with equally passionate companionship. While the other burn outs dream of fantasy I dream of psudeo-realistic peace because I could never get there by myself, let alone with the chaos of another sentiment being.

You wouldn’t like me anymore. I’m an existentialist bc I am completely and totally unsure of myself as a concept. And it makes it immensely easier to flow along with the process of getting what I want.

In the dark the voice pokes at suicide in the highest of highest and I drown out the noise with the hope that in that grainy moment 5 guys ago you flicked away my perfect tears with your tongue and I was too intimate and vulnerable to fully feel it.

With a face this expressively cute and a brain this overwhelmingly neat I deserve a man to compliment my abundance completely.

I bet no one thinks about me at all. But that would be naive and hopeful.

If he is only supplying money as his position in your life, as soon as the money stops he no longer needs to be taken into consideration when making decisions because he is no longer a part of your life. If the only value you have is the provision of the bare necessities and no emotional connection you have no purpose after you no longer supply the means of survival because you made the decision and only did a quarter of the work needed to take responsibility for that decision.

Time isn’t who she used to be. Time used to drag and suffocate and strangle. Now Time is broad watercolor strokes to blurry, cotton eyes. I live the same day over and over with the same amount of nothing but I still do not feel the suffocation of monotonous repetition, not like I used to when I was young. I feel unfulfilled still, empty still. But it is not overwhelming. And this nothing that happens, the absolute repetition of activity happens so quickly now. Not like it used to. I feel like I’m always playing catch up. There’s never enough time, or maybe I am newly blind to her movement? Whatever the case, Time and I are strangers now, which is such a shame because I used to know her intricately, anxiously so.

Sometimes I dissolve into words, I think that’s why everything moves so fast.

I’m going to force my oddity on man and disregard everyone that has anything at all to say. I always said I was crazy, which drew extensive attention, but I no longer think that is fitting for me and who I aspire to become. I think I desire much more to be odd than to be mad. Eccentric.

A man bought me six and a half hours (after tax) worth of stuffed animals. And I haven’t even had sex with him. Fuck, that kind of feels like debt. Can I like hang out w him and like “drop” $50 somewhere he’ll eventually notice. I’ve never had to do that before, but I am willing to go that far. Actually, I did that to my GM last break (and I shouldn’t have, I deserve better compensation for my labor, but I refuse to be rude ever).

Why would I want a man that smells like wood?

Hanging out w me is like just me saying “no babies” over and over in different voices.

The feeling drips like sunflower blue syrup down my back. It feels too sharp to be harmless, but too quick to enjoy. And it leaves my chest hollow after it’s appearance. My limbs are heavy and my head is worried about the fluttering around that happened inside my chest last night, I wasn’t sure if it was death or symptoms of suffocation. My lungs just filled and I grasped my body from within my soul and when it was sufficient and neat, I dove back into the harmful thoughts of lust and the gripping behavior caused by being lonesome. This feeling doesn’t flow, it’s too stuck, it remains mine. So instead it drips.

I want to scream that I am good at what I do because a piece of me always felt that you doubted me. I am good enough that I read a love poem out loud to my high school class with the girl in the class and I didn’t get bullied for it, it didn’t scare her away, and my teacher complimented me about it. I was known by the whole high school as a writer and it wasn’t in a bad way. I used to write and edit peoples papers and I was an English tutor for middle school. My English 101 professor told me I should Publish my paper based on the three paragraphs that I wrote in twenty minutes right in front of him. I have not read a full book since sophomore year of high school and I am able to break down structures and themes of books by picking through about 30 pages, and from that I can developed a thesis, a five paragraph outline, research questions, and eventually a 6 page paper from 30 pages of a novel. I hung out with someone, read then my poetry and they were surprised that it was not cringe. Every English teacher I’ve ever had has loved me. I was already so familiar with the English language and the concept of grammar rules and their functions that I could speak in limited vocabulary sentences in Spanish when I was taking Spanish 2 (did I cry every single day, yes, but did I get an A, also yes). When I tell you I am a writer, I mean that it is my soul. It is the only reason I am alive. When I tell you I am good at what I do I mean I’m already published. Twice. I am good at what I do. So yeah, I know what a fucking genre is, bitch.

Even my abusers will tell you I’m good at what I do.

I need someone to press their soul into mine so that I am sure I have one.

Good morning honey bun 💛 I hope you have a wonderful day today and I’ll be sending good thoughts your way all day :) love you ❤️❤️

8 year old me would think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. I remember how critical I was of other women, I remember the way I used to pick them apart in my head about all their imperfects. It’s bc I only heard those things about myself. And I’m not proud, but I was a child and I am completely different now. I remember my favorite parts about women too. I remember how I used to melt for long hair and belly button piercings and being unashamed. I am tall and wealthy and have a million expressions. 8 year old me would stare at me in the store and hope to be her, 8 year old me would love to be 17 year old me. It’s all she ever wanted. I am everything I ever wanted. I am gorgeous.

Sometimes it’s claymation filter and my body is yellow and I am ugly and when I laugh my teeth are bucked. I get so clear that I am ugly. I get so outside of my own perspective that I have never uttered my own name.

I am so self aware and violently gone and ridiculous. And I’ve been wanting this. That I thank god for planning and hard work.

I’m a slut. :) beep

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theibblog · 7 years

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How to Ace English Literature and not die in the process

I recognise that I’m no more qualified than the next IB student to give advice on subject-specific success criteria. However, since English is my favourite subject and I have spent approximately 6 of my 17 years consciously, not forcibly, studying the art of quote analysis, I’d like to think that I might have at least some useful, first-hand tips on ‘How to Ace English Literature’. (For the record, I am currently writing my English Waiting for Godot IA, hence the more pessimistic, Samuel-Beckett inspired second half to this title.)

Improvements that make sense:

Context – I cannot emphasise enough just how undervalued knowing an author’s background is to the study of literature. After all, 25% of marks are based on your ‘Appreciation of the writer’s choices’. Throwing in a quick; ‘Beckett intends to portray hierarchy as absurd bc Hitler came to power’ or ‘Dickens wants to undermine the class system bc he was a poor boot-blacker’ should hit the criteria every time. As a starting point, I recommend wider reading – gaining a broad knowledge of ongoing events, topics of interest to the author or prevalent philosophies of the time.

Language Analysis – You know the drill; embed the quote, pull out a specific word to support your point, explain the connotations of the word, evaluate the effect of said word… I find that going with your instinct, choosing to analyse a word that captures your attention, a word that seems strange or out-of-place or evokes a particular sense of emotion or imagery, will often allow you greater insight into an author’s intentions and perhaps, to an extent, cause you to be more invested in what you write.

Interpretations – Make sure to analyse quotes and view ideas from different perspectives. Whilst the word ‘ginger’ to me might mean ‘yay, represent’ or ‘mmm, ginger biscuits’, others link the word to hot-headedness, being soulless or ‘Ron Weasly’ – clarifying perhaps more serious differences in interpretation can serve as a good way to fully develop analysis and show progression of ideas.

Writing formally – In attempting to formalise and improve your writing style, once again worth 25% of marks, it is important not to lose clarity of expression. If the word doesn’t fit, then it shouldn’t be used - this is where using thesaurus.com can cause issues. Words have subtleties of meaning, which mean they really can only be used in certain places. The best way to improve in this respect is to read, read, read, so that it becomes easy to place words in context. (There really is a lot of value in taking this point on board – whilst many people have the right and often insightful ideas, studying English is all about being able to effectively express and communicate these ideas)

Improvements dictated by the exam system:

Markschemes – Check them out: In general, aim to show good understanding of the whole text (good overview), answer the question (be specific), identify and explain the effects of particular techniques (stick close to the text), organise and develop your argument (plan) and write well (grammar, vocabulary, register). (http://www.thinkib.net/englishalanglit/page/2874/criteria)

PETAL Paragraphs – I have doubts about introducing this point. However, as a method of verification, rather than as a full-proof structure to follow, I advise checking work against the ‘Point, evidence, technique, analysis, link’ requirements. Ensuring that you have made a point, backed it up with a quote, identified a literary technique, analysed the effect and writer’s intentions and linked it back to the question can really be useful. However, I find that beginning with this structure can be limiting, unless returning back to basics, refining writing style and expelling poor habits.

EXAMS – In fact, as I wrote this post, I realised that even I was not entirely sure which exams I would have to sit at the end of my 2 years and which coursework I would need to submit. So, here’s the breakdown:

- Paper 1: Analysis of an unseen passage (The Unseen exam)

- Paper 2: Response to a question based on the works studied

- Written assignment based on the works studied in translation (a 1500-word essay on a question of your choice)

- Two oral activities presenting analysis of works read

Flashcard Quotes & Ready-made Analysis – almost like annotating, writing down key quotes, identifying techniques, effects etc. in advance is a great revision and preparation technique, although this goes against all my impulsive needs to say that English should happen naturally and is best on-the-spot, exams dictate otherwise

In general, the more research you do and the more seriously you approach the subject as a worthwhile academic process - sidestepping misconceptions of English as flimsy, subjective and over-emotional - the more you will get out of it. There really is an art to writing well, formulating reasonable, evidenced arguments and to understanding the finer details of a text, that is hard to achieve.

#chess #study #ib #internationalbacc #international baccalaureate #studyblr #motivation #procrastination #englishlit #englishliterature #english #Samuelbeckett #waitingforgodot

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kathryncalderon29 · 6 years

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Month 6 Journal Reflection

Overview of the material and concepts learned this month

Organizational Structures is a course that took me back to After Effects and motion graphics. I had not touched upon either of those or storyboarding for almost two years. In this course, I felt like a newbie in everything but, it helped to jog my memory in what I had learned. The materials learned this month was different tools in After Effects like the anchor point and corner pin and how to do a parallax design. I also learned about storyboarding. Schneider (2017) explained the process of storyboarding in six steps and that helped to understand how to utilize my storyboards for my design projects. For the final project, I was able to research five different motion styles and learn the purpose of each in the design/animation field. There is kinetic typography, cinemagraph, 2.5D parallax imagery, animatic and motion poster. The first central concept I learned was the 12 principles of animation from Pannafino (2017) (squash and stretch, staging, straight ahead action and pose to pose, slow in and slow out, arc, secondary action, timing, solid drawing, appeal, anticipation, follow through and overlapping and exaggeration). And the second concept was story journaling which helped me to hear and see the world around me in a new way.

(Page from story journal where I unleashed my anxiety in the form of scribbles to process how my brain feels and thoughts it throws at me.)

Degree Goals

For reference: portals = doors, ancient = old, mysteries = unknown/secrets

Connecting/Synthesizing/Transforming - For this course, I had two major motion pieces that required heavy research. The first being the animated logo. I didn’t have to fully animate the logo because it was more about learning the importance of the storyboard process. In the article, 12 Basic Principles of Animation in Motion Design by James Panafino he mentions the principle of anticipation. The use of anticipation is to prepare the viewers for a major action the character is about to complete (Panafino, 2017). For the Marrakesh logo, I wanted the audience to feel that suspense and excitement as they were partaking on a journey through the portals as the logo moved certain ways. The frames showed anticipation using an illusion that the audience was going into the portals and passing previous ones, so they are eager to see where the final shot will take them. Also, Blazer (2015), stated that storyboarding is all about clarity and capturing the detail. So, for my storyboard, I made sure to include a description of what was happening, the audio used, the duration, and FPS. For the motion style project, I researched motion posters. A motion poster is a printed poster with movement, and the purpose is to grab a viewer’s attention quickly (Ads, 2017). I decided to create a motion travel poster so had to acquire some knowledge from tutorials. I used three to help me reach my design solutions. Vega (2017), explained how to use the anchor point and rotation tool to rotate objects. Aleya (2017), taught viewers how to create a cinematic parallax and lastly, Hubert (2016), clarified how to animate clouds using a 2D image. I transformed the research into an MP4 that gives the viewer an experience of walking through Marrakesh portals out into the desert. Of course, I had to do some trial and error to get my work to the best of my ability which is where problem-solving comes into play.

(Final animated logo storyboard)

(Final motion poster storyboard)

Problem-Solving - For the animated logo, I had two problems to solve. One was making a static logo into one with movement. Problem number two was to figure out how I would make the audience feel as if they were stepping into the portal. For the motion poster, the problem was getting the audience to visit Marrakesh through the use of the motion graphic by making them feel they were already in the city. The animated logo project was all about storyboarding and according to Blazer (2015), “Storyboarding is your opportunity to work out the visual elements that best suit your story” (para. 1). So, this medium solves the problem of time and money that would be spent if an animator went straight to digital and had to redo the work. Motion posters have a natural feel that doesn’t distract from the message and stirs interest (Morley, 2017). So, this medium solves the problem of getting the viewer to understand the poster's message quickly while also enticing them. To address the first animated logo, I created the illusion of movement through multiple portals going inwards and then going right to feel as if the viewer is moving through the animation. The second problem was solved by reworking my original design. The first storyboard made the viewer feel as if they were stepping out of the portals bc the logo went away from the viewer. The final animated logo storyboard comes towards the viewer. In the first round for the motion poster, the storyboard and MP4 gave the viewer more so an idea of how the poster should work. It didn’t feel complete. But, after going back to the drawing board, I solved the design problem by giving the viewer of actually stepping through a portal into the city’s desert with a camel ready to lead them on a journey.

(Initial animated logo storyboard)

(Initial motion poster story board)

Innovative Thinking - Animated logos and motion posters as a concept are not unique. What makes them unique and innovative is how a brand uses them to get their message across. So, comparing my work to others, I would say that it is unique/innovative to the brand of Marrakesh through the usage of the architecture and portals. There are little no animated logos for the city or motion posters so, my work stands out. For example, the Stranger Things animated logo is heavily influenced by the 80s which is what the brand/show goes for (Demeusy, 2016). For the Marrakesh animated logo, I was inspired by the photo The Never-ending Tunnel by Jokerry (2016) which uses the illusion of the same name to make something appear it goes on forever. Both are unique to their specific brand. The Marrakesh logo makes the audience feel as if they are stepping into the portals and going on a journey to find their destination. What makes the animation innovative is the logo incorporates an illusion to enhance the viewer’s emotions/feelings of entering the portals and beginning an excursion into Marrakesh. Regarding the motion poster, they have been around since 2005 when GeekNation.com first developed the concept for the psychological crime thriller Hard Candy (McGregor, 2017). So, again, they are not strictly innovative to the industry. But the animation style has thus far been used on for tv and movie promotions not travel posters. So, the Marrakesh poster is innovative because I created a travel motion poster which the industry has not done as a standard. The poster is unique because the audience gets to experience what it would be like to step through a portal into the beautiful open desert of Marrakesh. My approach to innovation was I wanted something when people looked at it, they thought this is Marrakesh. And, I wanted concepts that have rarely been done or never been done before. There are no animated logos for Marrakesh, and there are no travel posters so, I was able to touch on something new in the market.

youtube

(Final Marrakesh Travel Motion Poster)

(Never-ending Tunnel photo by Jokerry that was used as inspiration)

Acquiring Competencies - Throughout this whole process, I learned that to make an animation work you need first to understand the story and message of your brand. I also learned the importance of storyboarding in the motion graphic process as well as the grammar and wordage of animation. I learned how to keep a story journal and to listen and understand the world around me to use it for future story ideas. I got reacquainted with After Effects as a whole through trial and error plus some life-saving tutorials. I learned a few techniques like how to do cinematic parallax design and through research cinemagraph design. And, I also learned how to create motion posters. Lastly, in After Effects I now learned how to use the corner pin tool, camera tool, and rotation tool.

Reflection of course and Future Plans

I enjoyed this course. I was nervous at first because like last month, web and motion graphics are not my favorite aspect of media design. But, both of these courses helped me in brushing up on my skills in these areas. Plus, I have found some elements of each that I do enjoy. For example, in web design, I love app designs, and in motion graphics, I like kinetic type, motion posters, and cinemagraphs. From here I plan to continue practicing these new skills and techniques so that I never lose them entirely if they are ever needed for a client. I plan to continue getting better in all my work and to keep doing my best in every future course.

References

Ads, M. (2017, August 8). What is a Motion Poster? Retrieved October 10, 2018, from https://www.motion-ads.com/What%20is%20a%20Motion%20Poster.htmll

Aleya, I. (2016, October 1). How to create a cinematic parallax in after effects-tutorial [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acaodR5ITi4

Benn, H. (2017, January 17). Camel [Photograph]. Retrieved from https://pixabay.com/en/camel-mammal-animal-hump-1987672/

Blazer, L. (2015). Animated Storytelling: Simple Steps For Creating Animation and Motion Graphics (1st ed.). Retrieved September 26, 2018, from http://ce.safaribooksonline.com/book/animation-and-3d/9780134133812

Clouds [Photograph]. (2016, December 22). Retrieved from https://pixabay.com/en/clouds-sky-cartoon-vector-images-1923545/

Demeusy, E. (2016, July 15). Netflix Stranger Things Main Title [Animated Logo]. Retrieved from https://www.imaginaryforces.com/work/netflix-stranger-things-main-title

Hubert, I. [pixelking]. (2013, April 7). Tip on how to animate better looking clouds in after effects [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLzjPFA4eMI

Jokerry. (2016, February 25). The never-ending tunnel [Photograph]. Retrieved from http://www.pobble365.com/the-never-ending-tunnel

McGregor, L. (2017, July 13). Bring Your Film Marketing to Life with a Motion Poster Retrieved October 9, 2018, from https://www.premiumbeat.com/blog/create-marketing-motion-poster/

Montani, G. (2017, April 19). Morocco Mosque [Photograph]. Retrieved from https://pixabay.com/en/morocco-mosque-building-casablanca-2435391/

Morley, M. (2017, November 03). Poster Design is on the Move. But Where is it Going? Retrieved October 10, 2018, from https://eyeondesign.aiga.org/poster-design-is-on-the-move-but-where-is-it-going/

Morocco Sting. (n.d.). Kevin MacLeod. Retrieved September 30, 2018, from https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/music.html

Nasalune. (2014, February 2). Desert Sand [Photograph]. Retrieved from https://pixabay.com/en/desert-sand-dunes-morocco-1916882/

Pannafino, J. (2017, January 06). 12 Basic Principles of Animation in Motion Design. Retrieved September 25, 2018, from http://www.howdesign.com/web-design-resources-technology/12-basic-principles-animation-motion-design/

Schneider, C. (2017, January 04). Motion Graphic Storyboarding in 6 Simple Steps. Retrieved September 25, 2018, from https://threesixtyeight.com/insights/storyboarding-motion-graphics/

Vega, C. (2017, May 13). After effects tutorial-create a movie motion poster [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-Ly2hN8-sA

Wind Sound. (2011, May 5). Mark DiAngelo. Retrieved October 14, 2018, from http://soundbible.com/1810-Wind.html

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