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starrgaziinggg · 4 months

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by your side | lee minho x reader (3.5k words)

warning -> heavy topics. lots of sadness. a little angst. read at your own risk, it may break your heart.

Minho held flowers behind his back. Lillie’s, with baby’s breath and tulips, too. The florist had raised an eyebrow at the odd combination of flowers, but he had shrugged in return. They were your three favourites, after all.

You’d been distant for a while now. Not taking him up on the spontaneous adventures you were usually jumping at - hiking, road trips, going to the beach and always swimming in the sea even if it was freezing cold. Anything that helped pull you both astray from your mundane office jobs.

Minho didn’t know what he’d done. Not a clue. The only time you’d been this weird with him was when he forgot your third year anniversary. Forgot has to be used loosely, since him forgetting was only a ploy to surprise you with a hotel stay and a fancy dinner. And even then, you’d been in a huff for about three hours and gotten over it almost as quickly as you’d gotten into it.

This was different. He felt you physically pulling away from him. Hence, the early return of work and the bouquet of flowers.

He hesitates before opening the door of your shared apartment, feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket. Balancing the flowers, he pulls out his phone to read the text.

Seungmin

Hope all goes well, lover boy

Let me know when she’s feeling better, she owes me a shopping spree

Minho chuckles inwardly at the younger boys text. He’s the whole reason he met you all those years ago - Seungmin’s friend from high school, his roommate during the first year of college. Until, that is, Minho became infatuated with you and stole you from him, as Seungmin would so lovingly put it.

He’d lied when Seungmin had asked him if everything’s okay. “She’s just feeling slightly under the weather,” he’d replied. He pockets his phone, takes a deep breath, and pushes open the door.

But you’re not there, sprawled out on the couch like you usually would be. No kdrama streaming, no snacks on the coffee table. In fact, the apartment looks desolate, until he sees you walking out of the bedroom.

With a suitcase. A fucking suitcase.

“I -,” Minho starts, hesitantly pulling the bouquet from behind his back. You look at him, tears brimming in your eyes, before looking at the window.

“This isn’t working out,” you rush, a stupid mess of words that stab Minho in the heart. “I’m going to stay at my parents for a bit. Please don’t contact me.”

Minho can’t find the words. There’s only a handful of times he’s been speechless, and this is one of them. It’s not working out? The four years you’d been together hadn’t worked out? What the fuck did that even mean, when all you’d shared together was the happiest memories of Minho’s life.

“What’s happening?” he asks, his voice small as the flowers fall to the ground. The confusion is evident in his tone, even more so when you don’t reply and start walking towards the door.

He blocks your path, taking your arms in his hands gently. “Please talk to me. Whatever it is, I can fix it, we can fix it. Just please, please don’t leave.”

You don’t look at him, eyes trained on the ground. “It can’t be fixed.”

He interrupts you, shaking his head furiously, the tears finding their way down his face. “It can! We can fix anything, yeah? Me and you, forever, that’s what we said.”

“I’m sorry,” is all you say, rushing past him and fleeing the apartment, slamming to door behind you and leaving Minho alone.

He’ll phone you in the morning when you’re calm, he decides. He will think of whatever could be the reason you’re leaving him, and he will do everything in his power to fix it.

He sobs into his hands for the remainder of the evening.

Felix is hitting the buttons of the controller furiously, a weak attempt at beating Seungmin and Jeongin at Mario kart. It was tradition, for the boys to come round to Minho’s and yours to play games on a Friday night. Minho had, for obvious reasons, attempted to cancel, but the boys had heard none of it.

“She’s probably just going through a phase,” Seungmin says absentmindedly, eyes not leaving the screen. “She once iced me out for five days because I ate her last ice cream.”

Minho huffs. “It’s been a week, Seung. A fucking week and she’s not responded to a single one of my calls or texts. I just want to talk to her, figure out what I’ve done wrong.”

He’s felt like a shell of himself the past week. Waking up in the morning without your touch on his skin is hell and he doesn’t want to do it anymore.

“Have you cheated?” Jeongin asks with a cheeky grin. Minho sends a pillow flying at his head. “Sorry! I was kidding, I know you’d never.”

“Maybe she just needs some space,” Felix offers. “You know what you’re both like, clung to each other constantly. But, saying that, I fucking miss her too.”

“And she still owes me that shopping spree,” Seungmin adds, which Minho rolls his eyes at.

“You mean she hasn’t been texting you guys either?” He asks, confused. Seungmin was your friend long before he was Minho’s, and you were just as close with Jeongin and Felix as him. Icing him out was one thing, but leaving your friends out of the loop? Absurd.

“Nope, and if she doesn’t respond in the next week I’ll be taking the two hour trip to her family home and cussing her out,” Seungmin says, which slightly brightens Minho’s mood. The guys don’t seem to think anything of this, so why should he? He knows you, and he knows you wouldn’t waste the last four years over nothing. You’ll come back to him. You had to.

On one particularly lonely night, Minho looks through the scrapbook you’d made after a road trip with the boys. It was spontaneous, a summer idea that started as a drunken conversation and ended with the five of you packing your bags and driving three hours to a cabin by the lake.

The boys had been restless, hitting each other in the back seat and fighting over who got aux. You’d calmed them down instantly, opting to play car games as Minho drove. When you arrived at the cabin, the first thing you did was go down to the lake and feed the ducks.

“How often do you think these little guys get fed?” You’d asked him, chucking the pricey store bought food towards them. Minho had chuckled, snapping pictures of you bent down by the river side.

“I’d say pretty often. Look how fat that one is!” He pointed with a laugh. You’d swatted at him.

“Don’t fat shame the duck, you bully,” you’d laughed, making sure every single duck had eaten before standing up. “Maybe we should have a barbecue tonight! The weathers amazing, and if we leave it to those three to choose we will be going into the local town to get takeout.”

Minho smiled, pulling you into his embrace and pecking you on the lips. “That sounds great. You and Felix could make bibimbap too?”

You’d clapped your hands, kissing him before breaking away and promptly declaring a race back to the cabin.

He smiles sadly at that photo, the one of you feeding the ducks, but can’t help but laugh at the one of him, Felix, Jeongin and Seungmin in very little clothing because Jeongin thought it would be an excellent idea to play strip poker.

There’s another one, of you on Minho’s back, sticking out your tongue as he held up a peace sign, with Seungmin fake gagging in the back. No matter how much the boys teased you, he knew they loved the two of you together. Jeongin had proclaimed you as the mum and dad of their friend group, often taking care of the younger boys.

And another on the next page, a picture of Felix, items stacked on top of his body as he slept on the sofa. You’d written, ‘this is why you don’t fall asleep first after drinking!’ In the scrapbook, and he traced your handwriting with his finger.

He just wanted you back.

When Seungmin arrived back from his trip to your family home, he goes straight to Minho’s, as instructed. Minho opens the door for him, hopeful and eager. But Seungmin’s face falls.

“She wasn’t there,” he says, moving past Minho to sit on the couch.

“What do you mean she wasn’t there?” Minho asks, his tone sharp, stressed, anxious.

“I mean, when I went to the door and asked to see her, her parents said she wasn’t in,” Seungmin answers. “Said she wouldn’t be back until tomorrow, but I couldn’t stay and wait for her because I have work.”

There’s a million thoughts running through Minho’s mind. It had been two weeks now, with zero contact. He’d been despondent at work, caging himself up in his apartment that no longer smelled like you. And now Seungmin wasn’t even able to reach you.

“Do you think she’s met someone else?” He asks, barely a whisper, his worst fears making themselves known. Seungmin takes his hand, patting it.

“She wouldn’t do that to you, you know she wouldn’t,” he says assertively, which gives Minho an ounce of reassurance.

“I just want her to talk to me,” Minho sighs, shaking his head.

“Me too, Min. Me too.”

Minho (10 unopened messages)

Today

Felix

Hey Min

Hope you’re okay

I can come round later if you want

Jeongin

Bro

I hate seeing you like this

We’re gonna figure this out, yeah?

Message me back

Seungmin

I promise

I’ll get her back to you

It will be okay

You (126 unopened messages)

Today

Minho

It’s been exactly a month

Please come home to me

We can figure it out together

I love you my darling

Felix

I miss you so much

Please come back to us

Jeongin

Come on

Minho’s a mess without you

Me too

We need you

Seungmin

Get your ass back home

It’s been a fucking month

Why are you doing this do us?

Everyone misses you like death

Just come back

Minho’s walking home from work. It’s been a shit day, a disciplinary with his boss because of how distant he’s been, and all he wants to do is curl up in his bed and think about nothing.

That’s when he spots someone that looks all too familiar at the other end of the street.

It’s you. He knows it’s you walking down the street because he bought you that jacket and that beanie. And he definitely knows it’s you when he shouts your name and you turn around.

And then he’s running down the street like a madman, apologising every time he bumps into people in his attempt to catch up to you. He does so easily, which he finds strange, because you can run faster than him when you want to.

He’s out of breath when he reaches you, placing a hand on your arm as you whip round to face him.

You look tired. Pale and tired.

“Please don’t run away,” is the first thing he says, looking between your eyes as you stand there shell shocked. “Just come up to the apartment and we can talk.”

You reluctantly agree, and momentarily Minho is the happiest man in the world. Even if you didn’t want to be with him, he deserved an explanation.

The two of you walk silently to your old home, walking up the familiar stairs to your door. Minho unlocks it, closing it behind the two of you and taking a seat on the sofa, expecting you to do the same.

You don’t. You stand in front of him, fiddling with your fingers. It’s then he really takes in your appearance, and he can’t help but think you look worse than he does. Was this taking a bigger toll on you than him?

“Before…before we have this conversation,” you start, your voice small. “I need to know if you really want to hear this, because I think it’s better you don’t.”

He shakes his head. “Whatever it is, I want to know why you left me. I need to know. Don’t you think I deserve it?”

You sigh, nodding. Because Minho did deserve it, he deserved an explanation. You just didn’t want to tell him it.

“I’m ill,” you say, and Minho almost wants to laugh, because so what you’re ill? He doesn’t give a fuck, he’ll nurse you back to health.

“I’m terminally ill,” you continued, and that’s when Minho sees the tears brimming at your eyes. You pull off your beanie, and your hair is cut short. “I found out two months ago. I didn’t know what to do, but I -"

You hesitate, the tears falling from your eyes as you wipe them with the sleeves of your hoodie. “I don’t have long left. And I thought it would be better if -”

“You thought it would be better for me to not know?” Minho says angrily, the tears coming to him. You were sick. Terminally sick. And he hadn’t been able to see you for quite possibly the last month of your life. “You thought it would be better for me to sit here for a month worrying about you when I could have been by your side?”

“Minho, stop,” you cry, and he stops, because you asked him to. “I didn’t want you to see me like this. I didn’t want anyone to. I thought if you hated me for leaving you it would be easier when I’m gone.”

Minho has a lump in his throat from your words. When you’re gone.

“Nothing you could ever do could make me hate you,” he says softly, taking your hand and sitting you down on the sofa beside him, because right know he was furious but he loved you more than anything in this world. “Nothing. I just can’t believe you thought…didn’t you know I’d be there for you? Through everything?”

“That’s the problem,” you sob, burying your face in his chest. “You would have had to drop everything to take care of me, and watch me deteriorate because of this fucking illness, and I couldn’t do that to you, or the boys. I don’t want your last memories of me to be ruined.”

He placed a hand on your head, smoothing down your hair and consoling you as you both cried. It seemed like hours, you just sat there sobbing.

“How long?” Minho asks in a voice so small.

“The doctors think another month at most,” you say. “Imagine finding out you have only months to live. I had no idea I was even ill, until I passed out at work and found out…found out I was. They found it too late.”

Minho shakes his head, angry at everything in this world, with tears in his eyes. Why you? Why the love of his life, why the girl who was kinder, smarter and braver than anyone he knew. What had you ever done to deserve this? And he wished it was him. He so, wholeheartedly, wished he could take all you pain and give it to himself.

“Can you promise me one thing,” he whispers, pulling you back gently so you can face him.

“What is it?” You ask, tired and lifeless. He does hate seeing you like this, he knows you were right, but he would take seeing you like this over not seeing you at all any day.

“You let me be by your side throughout the rest of your life. Everything. Every doctors appointment, anything - I want to be there. And you call those boys and get them to come here and we will do everything we can to make you live happily,” Minho says, so sure of himself that you can’t help but nod. You should have known your boyfriend would want nothing less in this world than to be by your side.

Seungmin, Jeongin and Felix are a mess when Minho and you sit them down to tell them the truth. They all sob uncontrollably, hugging you so gently, it’s as if they think you’ll fall apart.

True to his word, Minho does not leave your side for the next month, and the boys spend as much time with you as they possibly can. Some days are harder than others, but Minho holds himself together for your sake, not letting you see him falter once.

He takes you to the beach, letting you watch him jump around in the sea. He brings the boys over to watch movies instead of play games so that you’re not overwhelmed. And when your body starts shutting down, he reads to you in the hospital, all your favourite books.

You live as happily as you can with the boys who adore you for another month and a half. You pass away peacefully, in your sleep, with Minho holding your hand, your parents beside you, and Jeongin, Felix and Seungmin in the waiting room.

“I want to start by thanking you all for coming today,” Minho says, putting on a brave face. He looks around the room that’s brimming with people, too many they had to bring in extra chairs. It was an open funeral, for anyone who wanted to attend. Your work colleagues, college friends…people even Minho didn’t recognise in which your life impacted them. And Felix, Jeongin, Seungmin and your parents in the front row.

“My girlfriend…she will continue to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. You’d never see her without a smile. She could be a stubborn thing,” Minho starts, earning a sad laugh from the crowd. “But I think anyone here can agree she had a positive impact on everyone she met. Everyone. I remember the first time Seungmin introduced me to her, she saw past my somewhat cold demeanour instantly. She saw something in me that I couldn’t see in myself, and I couldn’t help but fall in love with her.”

“She has this aura, you see, which you can’t help but to be entranced with. She always puts others before herself. She didn’t even tell me she was ill, because she didn’t want me to be burdened with her. As if she could ever be a burden to me,” Minho shakes his head, a stray tear rolling down his face.

“So, I know she wouldn’t want us to be sad for her. She would want us to think of only the happy memories we have with her, because life is too short to dwell on the negatives. And I am so lucky to have so many amazing memories with her, so lucky.”

Your parents are smiling at Minho, tears in their eyes. Felix is sobbing, Jeongin trying to hold his tears back. Seungmin smiles sadly at Minho, nodding at him to continue.

“My love, I’m sorry that you didn’t have as long as I’d hoped for you. I’m sorry we couldn’t grow old together, with a house in the suburbs and the cats you’d dreamed of. I’m sorry that we couldn’t celebrate our four year anniversary together, because happy anniversary, by the way.”

A sad chuckle carries out through the crowd. People Minho doesn’t know are crying, shaking their heads at such a cruel fate.

“Maybe in another life, my love. Rest easy.”

Through the rest of the day, Minho receives hugs, apologies, and condolences. He’s told he carried himself well and his speech was beautiful. He thanks them kindly. When they bury you, he’s a mess, Seungmin by his side with Felix and Jeongin clinging to each other too. When everyone starts to disperse, your parents lay flowers on your grave, taking a couple minutes to say goodbye. When they’re finished, they ask the boys if they’d like to say a few words, standing to talk to Minho as they do so.

When they come back, tears staining their faces, Seungmin nods at Minho. He walks away from the crowd of people and sits beside your grave, placing his own bouquet beside the others. Lillies, babies breath and tulips.

“I don’t know how much more I can say without bawling my eyes out again,” Minho chuckles sadly. He can picture you laughing and shaking your head at him. “But I just wanted to thank you, for everything. All the happiness you brought to me. It’s going to be tough as fuck to move on in life without you, but I promise you, I will not waste it. See what you’ve done to me? I was such a cynical prick before I met you, and now here I am, promising to make the most of my life.”

Minho wipes at his eyes, taking a deep breath. “I never got the chance to do this, but fucking hell I wish I had. I hope there’s an alternate universe out there where I had.”

He pulls a box from his jacket pocket, opening it up and looking momentarily at the ring shining back at him.

“I’ll never forget you, my love,” he says, placing the box amongst the flowers.

He stands up then, walking back toward the boys and your parents. Seungmin hugs him, holding his arm as they walk away. Minho spends the rest of the day sharing stories and laughs with the people close to you, remembering your life with fondness and happiness you deserve. He would always hate the world for what it did to you, but he could never hate it for letting you be by his side, until your last moments.

Till death do us part, my love.

i cried writing this.

#stray kids #lee know #skz #stray kids angst #stray kids sad #stray kids reactions #stray kids minho #lee minho x you #lee minho x reader #minho lee #lee minho #skz au #stray kids au

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dazed--xx · 4 months

Text

🥀Heartbreak Playlist 🥀

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Summary: Now suddenly you're asking for it back Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve? Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had. But I don't really care how bad it hurts…..When you broke me first

Post Date: 01/17/2024

T/W: Mentions of Cheating, Break Ups, arguments, drinking, manipulation, crying, heartbreak, ANGST…, swearing, mentions of being drunk, yelling, sad ending

Word Count: 2.7K

⏪⏯️⏩

Summary: Little do you know, How I'm breakin' while you fall asleep. Little do you know, I'm still haunted by the memories. Little do you know, I'm tryin' to pick myself up piece by piece. Little do you know ……I need a little more time

Post Date: 01/20/2024

T/W: ANGST..,crumbling marriage, mentions of divorce. Mentions of anxiety, mentions of panic attacks. Mentions of neglect in a marriage, crying, begging etc

Word Count: 2.7K

⏪⏯️⏩

Summary: I tell myself you don't mean a thing. And what we got, got no hold on me; But when you're not there, I just crumble. I tell myself I don't care that much; But I feel like I die 'til I feel your touch Only love……Only love can hurt like this

Post Date: 01/28/2024

T/W:1930s Era, ANGST, historical inaccuracies, Prohibition, cursing, mafia, talks of murder, mentions of guns, Molotov cocktail, gun violence, harassment, neglect in a relationship I guess, mentions of illegal activity, life threatening injuries, mentions mafia war. Mentions of Bootlegging, mentions of Shylocking. Sad ending

Word Count: 5.1K

⏪⏯️⏩

Summary: I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me. I know that your love is gone. I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy. Don't tell me that your love is gone…..That your love is gone

Post Date: 01/28/2024

PLEASE READ AUTHOR’S NOTE!!

T/W: ANGST!!!!!!!!!!!!, hate comments, distant partner, mentions of depression, mentions of anxiety, assault like legit assault, recording of an assault, hate speech. Cursing, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS, Crying, Feeling alone, ambiguous ending, etc

Word count: 2.5k

⏪⏯️⏩

Summary: Pictures I'm living through for now, Trying to remember all the good times. Our life was cutting through so loud; Memories are playing in my dull mind. I hate this part, paper hearts And I'll hold a piece of yours; Don't think I would just forget about it……Hoping that you won't forget about it

Post Date: 03/18/2024

Member: Seungmin x Reader

T/W: Break Ups, arguments crying, heartbreak, ANGST…, swearing, yelling, sad ending, slight shoving nothing too crazy, some emotional manipulation, problem avoidance, denial, (subtle mention to woojin via blacked out photo he existed people he was in the group once), mentions of Minhos elimination in Finding Stray kids

Word Count: 2.3K

⏪⏯️⏩

Summary: Now the day bleeds, Into nightfall; And you're not here, To get me through it all. I let my guard down; And then you pulled the rug…..I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

Post Date: 03/18/2024

Member: Changbin x Reader

T/W: Friend Break Up(cause romantic break ups ain't the only type that is heartbreaking), arguments, crying, heartbreak, ANGST…, swearing, yelling, sad ending, ghosting, problem avoidance, flirty behavior, mentions of one night stand, mentions of friend with benefits relationships, innuendos, brutal honesty

Word Count: 3.2K

⏪⏯️⏩

Summary: Torn in two, And I know I shouldn't tell you. But I just can't stop thinking of you, Wherever you are. You. Wherever you are; Every night I almost call you. Just to say it always will be you…Wherever you are

Post Date: 03/19/2024

Member: Jeongin x Reader

T/W: Break Up, arguments, crying, heartbreak, ANGST…, swearing, yelling, sad ending, ghosting, Long distance relationship, neglect, ambiguous aged female (17-22), emotional manipulation.

Word Count: 3.2K

⏪⏯️⏩

Summary: I've spent all of the love I saved. We were always a losing game, Small town Girl(boy) in a big arcade, I got addicted to a losing game. Oh,Oh.All I know, all I know……Loving you is a losing game

Post Date: 03/19/2024

Member: Felix x Reader

T/W: Break Ups, arguments crying, heartbreak, ANGST…, swearing, yelling, sad ending, Bet Au!, depressing thoughts, lack of communication, childish behavior, Avoiding S/O, mentions of sex, bullying, denial

Word Count: 2.1K

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