#still untrustworthy still chaotic still annoying as fuck - but also nice

[absensia-archived]

I've spoken briefly about this before and, again, it's usually something I leave in the little details of Charlotte's portrayal, but it's really been on my mind lately so I wanted to write out some of the prominent traits that continue to establish that, despite having gradually accumulated more experience, capital, and property over the years, Charlotte remains coded as working-class. It is crucial to both the narrative itself and her actual existence as a vessel for the primordial void, also known as Khaos. This means that she still has no ( legal ) credit cards and continues to thrift almost all her belongings, including her clothes, books, and furniture ( with the exception of shoes and appliances.) If you are someone who regularly meets up with Charlotte, you might begin to notice ( if you are perceptive ) that while she may be variably early, right on time, or show up in some unexpected state, she is rarely ever late and certainly never without a legitimate reason as to why. It is also not uncommon for Charlotte to juggle multiple jobs at the same time, and the only time she'll agree to a single job, at the exclusion of all other work is if she knows that that one job will be worth it. Related to this is the fact that Charlotte has a very hard time saying no to job offers; it's a habit ( read: stress response ) she is trying to unlearn, but it continues to be a struggle. Lastly, despite having successfully taken on leadership roles in the past, Charlotte expresses a strong dislike for being consigned to a "boss" role as she still much prefers to be hands on, in the action, at risk rather than sitting back and letting others do the work. She becomes restless if she finds herself "at the top" or in the position of too much obvious power; recall the adage about how it is lonely at the top, and how isolation is not something that the void's vessel can allow. She needs to be among people; she needs to be present to catalyze chaos. That being said, this doesn't mean that Charlotte simply allows herself to be treated or thrown away as a mere lackey or just another body, but that is still part of the struggle, isn't it?

#you'll also notice that char is very smart about the way she stores and maintains what belongings she DOES have #ie. her money her safe“houses” her work equipment #within the bounds of her control - char doesn't go out of her way to destroy or wreck her own stuff #if chaos happens then there's nothing she can do; and other people's stuff is fair game #but her own shit? she takes care of that shit best she can #it ties into the fact that she doesn't have a set or consistent sleep schedule #but for her work she will be up at the crack of dawn if needed; she will be out all night; she will be up and working days on end if needed #she also enjoys working in teams and if you've ever had to have char as a co-worker u'll know she's actually nice to work with #still untrustworthy still chaotic still annoying as fuck - but also nice #she prefers to work with equals rather than take any kind of control over others. control being the other side of the coin to chaos :') #she's also worked such a HUGE myriad of what society considers labour / “entry-level” / “unskilled” jobs... #...in order to learn from an inconspicuous position. #i could go on and on but like i said - i'll leave in the writing #i'm so proud of my chaos goblin #thinking about how at one point in her timeline she worked and played her way all the way to accidentally taking out a crime boss... #....then IMMEDIATELY did a 180 going “nope not for me” and vanished #too lonely at the top and that's no fun for this one :( #( smth smth the fact that she's just a vessel is too ingrained in her sense of self for her to actually stand out and be leader ) #( smth smth even pawn-turned-queens revert back to pawns at the end of the game ) #and as always - if you actually read through all this IM SO THANKFUL FOR U MWAH <3

[bigbrotherfiore]

episode four: “power gets you got, so i just need to survive” - elise

hoh: rich

evicted: brianna

AMANDA: https://youtu.be/YnRbNjQQLns

AMANDA: https://youtu.be/Xs-EwM8N1e4

AMANDA: https://youtu.be/LBES8nSlqN8

RICH: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Oxy39TIAllP-l-lh_xgrqva8So7r-tK0/view?usp=drivesdk

AMANDA: https://youtu.be/QbtU7qP1eBI

AMANDA: https://youtu.be/LBES8nSlqN8

AMANDA: https://youtu.be/_XB2DbrrIY8

MIKKI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sop4L3aZOWU

MIKKI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoshRaBKm80&feature=youtu.be

MIKKI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZNAeadCgZc

MIKKI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lh_vEZFbNgU

MIKKI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqLb_hymcZw

SZYMON: https://youtu.be/KlJC100xcQM

AMANDA: https://youtu.be/jgNo5u4oN3s

i’m super nervous after the jared eviction. i don’t want to win hoh but i’m also scared rich or daly will win or even mazden could win. i just want brianna or sara or elise or mikki or lana or jakey to get it because those are the people i trust the most but if i got it SOMEHOW since i did not write any useful information i would probably put up mazden and rich because i talk to him the least and i feel like he’s super shady. i don’t know. maybe not mazden but i don’t know i’m SCARED i’m terrified

I literally only talk to him about what we eat in a day sooooooooo anyways 

THE MARCHING BAND JUST DID THAT. We have now won 3/4 HOH Competitions this season!!! 

ok so rich wants to work together now that jared is gone. i love jared from the bottom of my heart but fuck it might benefit me now that he's gone and there aren't rumours. hes gonna nom potentially lana and brianna, unfortunate for me because nfps but she might win veto again. also people know im close with mikki, gotta stop stanning taylor swift in the VC clearly... thats all rn because im slacking on these and i cba to record 

I can honestly say that I have not felt nervous at all in this game to date. I won the first HOH, Sara won HOH #2, Szymon won HOH #3, and Rich just won tonight's HOH. Obviously Sara and Rich are in The Marching Band Alliance and Szymon and I have a tight duo alliance so it is really nice to just sit back and relax 1/4 into the game. I also think I have been able to lay low after my 1st HOH run and allow other targets to begin to emerge! HAHA I love this game!

So Addilyn connected the dots that me and Daly are both from Manitoba and that kinda scares me. She is the only one besides Sara who would know how close we live because she also happens to be from Canada as well... Hopefully she doesn't catch on too well and pin us as a duo 

im so fucked i'm literally so fucked.  the ONE person i didn't want to win HOH won it.  THE.  ONE.  PERSON.  i'm going up and i'm the target.  i don't talk to him like, at all.  i hate this timeline i hate it i hate it please someone take me out of here.  i'm probably gonna go up next to mikki (my CLOSEST ALLY) and go home and im so fucking scared of that.  im so scared of rich i hate how he's playing this game that little snake is playing a game that is threatening to mine and i hate it.  i hate it i hate it i hate it.  this game sucks i hate it (i love u hosts im just irritated) - made 9:27 pm, outdated, will see if anything changes 

I am good with Rich winning HOH, he totally deserved it and I'm happy for him. I feel safe with him, and he reassured  me that I was going to be safe. So I am going to see just how honest he was with me. I honestly have a good feeling about him, and I like him. What I'm not happy about is people throwing my name out there for him to put up as a pawn...NO MA'AM, PAM, OR SAM!!! I am nobody's pawn, and I WILL remember who said it! I would have to say that I am closest to Jakey and Szymon in this game. I trust them the most and we have the JLS Alliance and hopefully we can ride this out to the end! I also like Amanda, she is someone I would like to keep close. Other than that, I am loving this game. A little chaotic at times, but I can handle it. That's that on that for now! Peace out!✌🏾

Jared is gone, Jared who I genuinely love so much he's amazing and it fucking SUCKS and what sucks worse is that it's probably better for my game because I have options now that people aren't lumping me in with him as a duo. Worse news, looks like Mikki and Brianna will be on the block this week and that puts Mikki in SO much danger. Mikki who I really am coming to trust right but am being named as close with her. Can people stop labelling me as part of duos or... kthx. Anyway, Mikki better stay because it'd be nice to have someone I can trust. Szymon and Sara seem somewhat distant so I'm not sure how much I can trust them right now, especially after I tried to save Jared. Daly and I are closing in on a bond in the absence of Jared and I hope that fares me well. My problem really is that I think a lot of my connections are on the table. I've been working on getting closer to people but with some of the guys it's kinda hard so!!! we'll see. I've been swinging the birthday twin angle with Addilyn so let's see how that pans out!! I'm really not getting much info so then I don't have much info to give so nobody wants to give me any. It's a long long cycle. But with Mikki in danger I did casually be like "why are people so mad abt people who've played other games, like szymon has won survivor and ferg has won the challenge a couple times?" just to really get that out there and for it to come from Mikki, not me :). Byeeeeeee I'm so done with this if Mikki goes here. I don't want to have to shuffle into working with the men but I might have to. I wanna crack their alliance open but I don't want to be a big target this early, annoying.   Rich told me that he felt good with me now that Jared's gone but didn't tell me the real noms until today (told me Bri/Lana but it's Bri/Mikki) so yay fuck that shit everyone else has a closest ally/allies and mine are all LEAVING ok thats enough of that tantrum. I'll figure something out it's just awkward as hell because I'm not entirely sure how to push a vote in a smart way. I have a couple ideas of HOW but not how to do it subtlely. I'm still trying to avoid making enemies because when it comes down to it, I need to be safe from the block more than I need a ghost of power in this game. power gets you got, so i just need to survive. 

I am sooo excited rich is HOH. I kind of went underground for a few days and forgot about DRs. Austin solidified a group with Ferg, Szymon, himself, and I while Szymon was in power. I really like that group too. I’ll do what I can to keep them safe. I feel like I’m connecting with everyone??? I mean, I’m not oblivious...I know some probably don’t like me, but I think I’m talking to everybody. Jared went home. He almost didn’t because of an emotional house meeting... the girls literally debated flipping a coin?? Mazden was on the block again but nowhere to be found. Shes Sade again but old what she is thinking. I prepped a google doc for the last hoh for like 5 hours I’m SO glad rich won. I also tried by best just in case but he kicked butt!! I talked to Amanda on the phone last night for an hour and we really connected. She’s super easy to talk to. I’m worried about Austin but we will see what comes of it in the days to come. I LOVE my groups. Rich and Sara are amazing. Szymon is so caring, and ferg is definitely putting effort in to our relationship. I’m happy because I feel like I’m doing okay! Rich joked that we are the evil alliance of the season and I just hope he’s wrong tbh... I never wanted to be the bad guy, I’ve always thought I was an underdog 😳. Sarah thanked me for putting the group together and I’m really grateful we made it. Power 3/4 times??? It’s my turn next, I really don’t wanna let them down. 

My issue with trusting Mikki was never that I truly thought she was untrustworthy. I think it was apparent from the moment Mikki would only vote for Mazden in Week 1 because she wanted to be good to Celina showed that she's loyal. I was so worried her loyalty didn't lie with me, though, and now that I've realised Mikki is a great ally, she's on the bloody block. I'm a fucking idiot. Watch me lose two great allies in a row UGH. 

UGH I so could have won that POV comp but of course I made a huge mistake on my submission. I could have gotten under 4 minutes... At the same time it isn't the worst thing because I would want to use it on Mikki but Rich would be absolutely pissed if I did.

It is crucial for my game for Brianna to go this week. I am getting to the point where I do not feel like anyone left in the game would nominate me based on the relationships I have built since Day 1. I do not think it would be in my best interest to win this HOH tomorrow because I genuinely wouldn't have 2 nominees that are not working with me (except maybe Mazden/Lana)

I am feeling sooooooo conflicted. Like I wanna win hoh tomorrow...but I have absolutely NO idea who I’d nominate. Austin keeps pointing out that I’m the only person (in both of our alliances) who hasn’t won anything. But is winning really good for my game at this point?? Also, either Austin is a closet asshole to all, or he’s just really comfortable with me. He says a lot of mean things.. 😒 “you’re my little pawn who can never win a comp” ...all jokes aside...ouch.. while he’s out here telling me winning isn’t good. I like him a lot, and he tells me all the time that I’m his #1 and I do believe him because he’s putting in a lot of work with me. BUT, I think he’s getting too comfortable. He needs to step up, try to have genuine conversations, and be nice to me because I’m fragile 😂 I’m gonna try for hoh tomorrow. Then I’ll have to think about who I nominate. I actually have no clue but it’s whatever. Daly wants to talk on the phone tomorrow and I need to be super careful what I say to him. Honestly, if I won I’d love to nominate him just to shake things up and step away from the “sides” but whatever, I truly don’t think I’d make it far if I did. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING. I’m annoyed at everything. And I feel really bad that I’ve basically stepped out on my f2 with rich from night one. I fucking love him. And if it came down to him, Austin, and I in final three I guess I don’t really know what I’d do. It’s easy to say Austin because we talk constantly. But rich is nice and genuine with me. AND I believe he’s fiercely loyal. And I think if it came down to it Austin would cut me to win. The more and more we talk he’s getting comfortable and he’s playing ruthless. ...and that scares me... 

LMAO not haley lying to me about not talking to Austin or ferg much when I know they're in an alliance together and her and Austin make it SO obvious that they are a duo. I can't help but laugh. it's cute how they think they are slick when they are literally MESSAGING ME THE SAME TIME, and like start messaging me after the other and then end at the same time it's just.....so obvious. like guys please try harder???? if you wanna be a secret duo keep it more secret??? you're literally in an alliance together I- and I know about it because you're aligned with MY secret duo. ahhhhh how cute of you to try how cute how cute. I'm so bitter and over these people like so over it every single thing out of haley and Austins mouths is FAKE and they think they are being so great at playing people but I'm sitting here playing them back it's so exhausting keeping up a fake conversation. the sad thing is I think I would love haley outside of this game. but in it she annoys the crap out of me because she's sooooo fake and boring. I'm over it. 

we hate it here

Click HERE to see the Goodbye Messages for Brianna.

#bbfiore #episodes