#still like the game in spite of it all

[amechyofsorts]

Okay, enough waffling. Rogue Trader has a problem: it's most focused gameplay system is entirely disconnected from the world it inhabits. This is, and I imagine always will be, somewhat of a problem for crpg's, but it doesn't have to be, at least to such a degree. Like, the Pathfinder games by Owlcat themselves are just as focused on powerful characters with heavily technical combat, mostly focused on buffs and numbercrunching, and it's evident that this is just the kind of the thing folks at Owlcat are into in rpgs, so I can understand why this approach was chosen.

However Pathfinder is a much better fit for that kind of gameplay then Rogue Trader is, being over the top heroic fantasy where the main characters can be seemingly invincible superheroes locked in combat with dragons, demons and demigods and such. 40k does have that on occasion too, but not from the relatively more grounded tone of Rogue Traders. If you were to make the gameplay system more befit the tone and lore of RT... well, you would make the gameplay systems closer to the Tabletop this game is supposedly based on, where combat is brutally dangerous, where you and your retinue are fragile and have to flex their skills, equipment and resources to their limits to make it. And not be standing in crowds of enemies, dodging every hit that comes their way and taking little to no damage from the few that do hit you, because you just get endless dodges vs gunfire every turn and more health across all of your nearly a hundred levelups, and not to mention the absurd buffstacking again.

This kind of gameplay based around an endless stack of upgrades, levels and equipment with crazy effects is popular with rpgs and it's pretty simple why. It's easier to design and balance for a long, open ended adventure, as well as a way of keeping player attention with the contast dopamine loop of levelups and loot. But we have had strategy and horror themed rpgs which show that a more strictly balanced less room for constant error with no consequences combat is possible and can make for super satisfying gaming experiences. It would be a better fit for the sort of pulp age-of-sail-in-space adventure stories RT draws from and it would be more faithful to the tabletop. Alas, right now the game just feels kinda like "Take Rogue Trader, but make it Pathfinder", which is understandable given the studios work so far, but it feels like a shortcut and I don't think think the end result was great.

It's especially unfortunate since the Through the Ashes dlc in Wotr almost felt like a dry run for the sort of stricter, survival game even in fantastical adventure context kind of gameplay that I could see RT having been as an ideal.

Not gonna even get to the management aspects, beyond them just being really disappointing after Kingmaker's especially, which was never perfect, but was dozens of times more expansive and good for expressing your character through roleplay. Resource management, risk factor with choices, a crew morale system, advisors with different capabilites, all stuff the seem like such obvious good fits here just aren't even attempted.

#rogue trader #warhammer 40k rogue trader #sigh #still like the game in spite of it all #but man

[wraith-caller]

Never been a fan of people trying to shape the Golden Order into conservative Christianity. Reading fics where they talk about women needing to be "traditional" or seen but not heard, when the figurehead of the Order is a woman who has waged loads of wars, had two husbands, makes a point of examining her faith rather than submissively accepting it. Seeing posts that seem to say the GO is villainizing the use of sorcery, a way of deriding the carians, when one of the greatest champions of the Order himself studied sorcery of his own volition, and married perhaps the greatest sorceress ever known. There's nothing to indicate the GO ever had a beef with the practice of sorcery, and it's not like they shuttered Raya Lucaria after the union of the Moon and Erdtree. Cringing every time someone describes Fundamentalism as the "thoughtless extremist" wing of the Order when it's supposed to be about taking a scholarly approach to the examination of the laws of causality and regression.

Idk. It's just, there's so many reasons to be skeeved out by the GO, and it exists within a fantasy with a totally distinct history from our own world. While there are obviously influences from a wide variety of real-world sources on the mythology and world of the game, it's not a direct copy of reality. It's lame to see sth so full of opportunity for interesting world building from fans just turned into a watered down copy of what they despise in reality.

#the 'GO demonizes women' thing is esp annoying bc the game is full of powerful women #both the leaders of the most powerful countries are women #the carian line may be matrilineal and radagon didnt press to change that #one of the worlds greatest undefeated warriors is a woman #the group who carried out the most significant act of rebellion in the history of this world were all women #and its also not just women in the world of ER who are denied their agency #both omen twins are tossed in the sewers and denied their lives #and still morgott crawls back to do the order's bidding #godfrey is told to deny himself and hide away hoarah loux to become elden lord and still kicked to the curb in spite of his devotion #miquella is also an empyrean - and empyreans are condemned to be what the GW molds them into #and it feels like there is some weird shit going on with radagon by the end of his story that points to his very will being subsumed by som #higher power but idk if theres enough evidence for it #although i mean the elden beast literally turns him into an instrument of the GW in the final battle so lol #EVERYONE in this world suffers denial at the hands of the order #so when writing from within the perspective of that world it doesnt make a ton of sense to bring irl social issues bc that world does not #have those same issues

[marinsawakening]

It's pretty fun for me to play Zelda games in a manner mostly isolated from fandom opinions. Like don't get me wrong I've absorbed a lot of LOZ spoilers, headcanons, interpretations etc. via osmosis, I am not playing these games blind. But regardless of how many spoilers and fanart/fanfic I've seen going through the AO3 tag after playing BOTW was still an Experience because it made me realize that the way I interpret both Link as a character and the game as a whole is apparently completely counter to the majority fandom opinion. Something I was blissfully oblivious to while playing the game.

#Once again I want to become a more genuine person who approaches media analysis on a basis of joy in its own right #And not lead every one of my posts with 'so I've seen ppl do this and here's why I think they're wrong' #I am failing bc I'm full of spite but worse than that I also genuinely enjoy being a hater #But I'm not even mad this time. I dont even think ppl are necessarily wrong to interpret #Post-calamity link as their traumatized little meow meow #I think it's less interesting than my interpretation bc I think it loses the contrast between pre- and post-calamity link #But its not WRONG. Link doesnt exactly get a whole lot of characterization even in botw #He's still mostly a blank slate so ppl get to do what they want with him. The game doest contradict it #I'm just. So confused ppl looked at botw and went 'link's trauma would be worse post-calamity or at least carry over in its full force' #Like u don't think the hard reset that was the shrine of resurrection and experiencing the wonders as a free spirit like #Had. Y'know. An effect? #I honestly just don't think post-calamity Link is all that traumatized anymore. I think that shit was more effective than therapy #It's not an uncommon interpretation im aware but im still shocked at the amount of ppl that didnt have it #Does that make sense or am I insane? #My posts #Loz #Botw

[loregoddess]

14, 15, 25 for the Love your fandom ask

14) the ship that always makes you smile Hmm, for long-running media, probably Midna x Link from LoZ:TP, bc that's basically the oldest ship in my fleet and it still brings me lots of joy. For mid-running media, probably Kay x Franziska for AA (my first rarepair), Rinea x Faye for FE:SoV (rarepair I wasn't expecting to see others ship), and Ashe x Dedue (literally got me to go out of my comfort zone to figure out how to draw cute ship art, when I was really bad and afraid of drawing people interacting). For stuff that I've gotten into over the past year, probably Alear x Pandreo from FE:Engage, and Mineru x Purah from LoZ:TotK (also I'm kinda silly goofy happy about Jin x Xiaoyu finally getting some development in Tekken 8, but that's bc I had to suffer watching it come to fruition over like, 20 years of my life, slowest goddamned slowburn I've ever had to endure).

15) the character that always makes you smile Oh, lots and lots. Long-running media would be Shad LoZ:TP, love that guy, I get excited anytime I see him. For mid-running, Satoru Hosonaga, my beloved from DGS/tGAA, a decent number of FE characters (Kurthnaga, Rhys, Libra, Flora, Lukas, Faye, Dedue, Ashe, and Ferdinand come to mind off the top of my head), most of the FF7 cast but esp. Red XIII/Nanaki. For more recent things, Alear and literally any of the Engage characters actually, the Octo2 crew (and also the Octo1 crew, and a fair amount of NPCs from both games); I also read Dungeon Meshi recently and I gotta say one of the most casts of all time, I haven't settled on favorites yet but damn were there some good characters.

25) a piece of advice for taking care of yourself in fandom spaces Block button is your bestie, don't feel bad for blocking people for any reason whatsoever so that you can peruse the fandom tag in peace. But also, if you find other fans who are making stuff you enjoy, support them by reblogging their art or headcanons or writing or whatever, or even just liking their stuff.

Do what you want to see in your fandom if you have the energy. I like to see people excited about things they love, whether that's a character or a ship or something about the story or their OCs or their own headcanons, like, doesn't even matter if it's not my Thing, I genuinely enjoy seeing people happy and brave enough to share that happiness in the main tag, so I try to also share stuff that brings me joy when I engage with fandom stuff too. Share joy when you can.

This is not to say you should never be negative ever like, you should also give yourself space somewhere to be a petty snob about things that tick you off. You don't have to make it public, but at the very least give yourself an outlet to let the negative move through and out of you. Believe me there are so many things that tick me off so much about either fandom spaces or various media that I could rant about for hours, but I just choose Not To Share It after I've written it out bc writing it often makes me feel better--or I go and find a trusted friend who I can be like, "Hey I gotta vent about something stupid real fast, will you hear me out?"

Lots of things in life are never all positive or negative feelings, but no emotion is inherently good or bad, so it's important to let yourself feel those emotions and let them pass without bottling them up. Otherwise they stagnate or explode, and neither is fun to deal with the aftermath for. But like, it's okay to be pissy about things from time to time.

Have fun, but never feel like you have to engage with a fandom just because you used to be a part of it, or you got into a new thing. I treat fandom like a public park, I can go there when I want to enjoy myself but I can also leave anytime I want. If a bunch of mean people are hanging around the park I know there are other parks, and I can just go to those instead and cultivate my own little garden to make up for the park I won't go to anymore. I might even get to invite some friends to that garden. Honestly, most of the time I'm some weird forest hermit who only comes out sometimes to haunt the park, and I think that's just fine as well. Engage with fandom in a way that makes you comfortable.

#there were uh...actually quite a few ships and characters I left out #bc I either felt like I needed a 5-page explanation or didn't feel like bogging down my already-long answers #like I don't consider myself a shippy person per se but I do enjoy my fleet #as for characters I just love a lot of characters and we'd be here for days and days if I tried to list them all #for whatever spite and pettiness I have in me it is always outweighed by love for something else by 100 times #alynnl #ask game #I still don't have an ask tag

[kurozu501]

i love how even tho fromsoft's games are full of so much tension and action, there's always a few special moments in each of their games that makes me just pause. just stop and take in the beauty of it all. for dark souls 2 the most memorable one so far has been fighting my way through the castle, arriving at the shrine of amana, and standing on the cliff looking out at the beautiful view while listening to the singing. such a breathtaking moment.

#i reached the king last night and id say that was equally as powerful tho for completely different reasons #the melancholy of that reveal with the music is so powerful #even the beautiful singing in amana is like. you find out shortly later that the singers are women who were created to stay here forever #they have never and will never see the outside world. fucked up. but is their song not still beautiful? in spite of it all? #these games are all about finding beauty in the rubble and im really enjoying how ds2 does it

[skautism]

>"sculpt a mixed media piece representing a safe space!"

>has never felt safe

#idk. how do I represent scratch? even then I didn't feel safe because multiple family members knew the login #I think about how one of the first signs my mental health was nosediving was an animation meme I made in fifth grade #quotev? I wrote my first fanfic there. it was a sailor moon oc-thats-an-obvious-self-insert fic #. animal crossing? #but I keep doing video game things. my final in sculpture 1 was a 3ds #or tomodachi life. but AGAIN. I need something more original instead of always going back to my 3ds #like idk. I've always been bullied. I've never felt safe with my dad or his family. it took a long time to really feel safe with my mom #and I still don't tell her anything because it all reads as pity #I've always felt pretty safe on tumblr in spite of the grooming incident and the doxxing incident #but that's just fucking STUPID #I guess ultimately I've always felt safe online and in technology. I could somehow make like. the inside of a computer? #not in the literal sense but like in the screen #rzr speaks

[kiwipineappleparasol]

I saw your tierlist! love the blackbright (Blackquill x Fulbright) appreciation!! your tierlist is actually pretty swag, but I do have like one question and that is how come you don't get junithena (Juniper x Athena?) just curious!

(also I feel like you probably know these ship names so it's weird for me to add the explanations but I'm doing it anyway just in case)

(I had typed out a whole response right. and Tumblr. and Tumblr Ate It. In front of my Eyes. It even Said so. so you are Spared with this being a bit more Brief since I have to retype Everything . as it did not have the Kindness to save it as a Draft 👹)

(Also I do know These Ones at least but I do Appreciate it . I think ship names are a Little Goofy sounding though so I tend not to use them but I will take this into account in Tagging things 👍)

But Glad to hear my takes are Swag 😎 of course I gotta appreciate the Silly Guys (as I like refer to them . like it's my own Ship Name for these guys) I Mourn the Hilarious dynamic and Interesting things they Could've had if Dual Destinies didn't Hate Me In Particular. Curse You Dual Destinies. Guess I have to do it Myself 🙄 (Lighthearted Statement)

Anyways I realize that I put it Juniper x Athena in the wrong tier (Classic me mixing things up and only realizing it in Retrospect moment) I do Understand why people would ship them - on a surface level, y'know they're childhood friends, have Nicknames and all that Jazz. Not for me though. (So it would have been the Yellow Tier) But to Elaborate:

It's a disconnect I have with Juniper as a character -- it soured her dynamic with Athena for me. There's something about Juniper's portrayal, in conjunction with some of her actions that just rubbed me the wrong way. The vibes were off, shall we say. (I wrote a bit as to why but Uh….. It got sent to the Ether. Thanks Tumblr. I might go into it Another Day)

I guess I'll just say Turnabout Academy didn't really convince me that the characters were good friends -- even though that was The Point? I dunno (my Ability to word my points has Gone down the Drain 💀)

Point Being: Certain aspects of Juniper's whole deal impacted how I saw their dynamic Which didn't exactly lend itself to Romance in my eyes (Outside the fact Juniper is Canonically waxing Poetically about how Apollo makes her feel like she's Photosynthesizing Lmao) and I'm just not a Huge Juniper Fan as she exists in canon. Love her Design though 👍

#ace attorney #not going to tag the ship I think that would just be a little Rude on my end . Not my cup of tea but if others enjoy it That's fine 👍 #I'm Kind of Unsure what I am supposed to tag here though . Classic Me still being Confused about tags 💀 some things never change #I guess I can see some sort of one sided strong loyalty on Athena's end towards Juniper . I just don't see it being reciprocated really #kind of just became a post revealing that I Don't Like Juniper all that much . whoops I Forgot the Romance Aspect #problem with her is that she didn't Amuse Me enough to distract from the bad writing . which is the Most Important Thing 🙄 (<-Lighthearted) #I like my own interpretation of Juniper but it kind of Veers off the Rails of the Canon's Intents by a wide margin #“my interpretation” is just me saying I've been attempting to rewrite the entirety of Dual Destinies out of Spite #only way to cope with this game #Dumping From The Parasol

[vilelittlecritter]

OKAY MY DUMBASS JUST REALISED MY PROBLEM

FACIAL ANATOMY

IVE BARELY PRACTICED FACIAL ANATOMY.

ITS THE FUCKING FACE. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME

I LIKE THE POSES I DO. HATE THE FACES.

GOD I AM CAVE MAN BRAINED

#like im happy i found the issue but IT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN AN ISSUE #my dumbass suffering the consequences of my past selves unwillingness to do shit #god i hate past me. dumbass literally just played video games and cried all the time #like damn bitch shit aint gunna get better if you give up constantly #i do think its partly my autism that ive fallen behind but ultimately its still my fault #im just glad im fixing it now #mostly out of spite and seeing people younger than me paint master pieces #mostly spite tho #random rambles

[eliseliedl]

my disappointment is immeasureable

#this is about h*llena taylor #THIS WOMAN... the audacity she has is fucking incredible #the way she lied so shamelessly knowing damn well nothing she was saying was true #and encouraged the fans who have been waiting for YEARS to boycott the game #because PG couldn't pay her the ridiculous amount of money the greedy bitch wanted #PEOPLE CANCELLED THEIR PREORDERS OVER THIS #because she played the victim so well and tried to guilt trip ppl by saying you aren't true Bayonetta fans if u don't support ME #who the fuck does she think she is holy shit #i hate that i tried to defend her all this time #i wasn't about to cancel my preorder just cause she said so but i did try to take her side #and even after being publicly exposed as the fucking liar she is SHE STILL WANTS US TO BOYCOTT THE GAME #GIRL FUCK YOU like full offense you are a terrible person the Bayonetta franchise gave you everything????? #it's quite literally her only role and she was so ready to throw the games under the bus out of spite #she's so childish and immature i'm genuinely still so shocked #i mean how were we supposed to know she was lying she broke her contract ALL to make the game flop #imagine going to such lengths. you literally ruined your career for such petty thing #i hate her so much rn. the last thing this franchise needed is another fucking controversy #all my support to jennifer hale who had to even deal with h*llena talking shit about her bc she took 'her' role #i mean bitch what did you expect!! PG tried to keep you in the role all they could but nope. you had to ask for more #A LOT MORE #ugh. anyway glad the truth is out #i did think the timing was too perfect and the way she spoke about jennifer was despicable but man......... she really lied about everything #what a snob #delete later

[vaugarde]

always feel kinda weird when i make a canon character “worse” than they are in canon in my own hcs but also like hyness was a literal cult leader who exploited the sisters and hit zan onscreen and literally used her and her sisters bodies as tools in his boss fight so like. canonically he is a horrible person who’s actions just get sweeped w a vague “oh he might have been corrupted actually theyre cool now” ending. so i guess its not that strange to just lean into him being abusive in my hcs

#like i get it star allies is the friendship game where everyone and everything becomes a friend in the end #but like... he literally gives me lusamine vibes lol #im not saying hes gotta be this one dimensional evil guy bc like he very well could have meant well and did genuinely #save the sisters lives and in my hc he does take in baby mag out of goodwill initially #if partially out of spite towards the ancients but he still initially wanted to make sure he had a parental figure #and part of why hes got so many followers is bc hes very convincing and frighteningly. genuine? to some degree? #idk tho this is all very loose hcs in a game that didnt really focus too hard on the specifics of their backstory #i think its just that hes convinced himself hes right no matter what and what hes doing is 100% ethical #like he thinks hes helping zan by keeping her from her sisters and hes helping mag by attempting to turn him against his ancestors #just in a constant state of denial that eventually drives him to hurt people and makes him lose everything #and ik none of the characters are extremely complex and well developed bc a lot is up for interpretation at the end of the day #but man. idk the dlc ending bugs me to this day i wish so bad it wasnt just shrugged off w ''oh he was possessed actually idk'' #echoed voice

[pikkish]

4I doomguy? Idk what would make him make that face, I don't know any doom lore lol :P Just pick whatever

Imagine for a moment that you have spent the last few days in Hell. It certainly wasn't nice- it was, again, literal Hell- but you're also strong as hell. So you fought your way out, and you taught those hellspawn jerks a lesson or two along the way. You even found the demon who was leading the invasion and shot it full of holes, just for good measure. It might'a been smart enough to think up Earth invasion plans, but that big brain of its still couldn't stop a hundred bullets or so, courtesy of your own trigger finger.

Now you've made it back to Earth, and you're feeling mighty badass, having curb stomped the whole of Hell itself. And it's the good old, demon-free blue skies and green fields of Earth as far as the eye can see... until you turn around. The city is burning on the horizon, but right here in front of you, where you were sure to see it, where they knew you would see it, on a fence post sharpened into a stake, is the decapitated head of your beloved pet rabbit.

And there is a bit of Doom lore for you, as well as what exactly I think might make Doomguy make that face :)

#doom #lines i did #ask game #once again featuring a younger classic doom doomguy #but i think a lot about how daisys head was RIGHT THERE. right where hed see it when he got back to earth #it wasnt coincidence. they knew where hed be coming through the portal back to earth. and they left her head there for him to find #it was an intentional message. it was an intentional attack. #i know most of classic dooms writing was added more as an afterthought but #i really do like the style of it #like doom i has a sort of cocky; cheeky tone to it. like yeah hes in hell and hes mad but hes grinning and taunting and jeering through it #then you get to doom ii and. it sort of lost a bit of that cheekiness. hes pissed now. its not just about fighting demons now; its personal #and then thered doom 64. #he willingly went back into hell in doom ii #(after learning the demons main portal was (also likely intentionally) built right in the middle of his hometown) #and he fought the biggest demon there and really truly ended the invasion #and now according to the doom 64 manual hes canonically having constant and incurable nightmares #and i like to think hes. maybe not so mentally stable at this point #so when the UAC comes back to him and says 'hey there are still some demons left on phobos and youre the only one who can stop them' #i think he was all too willing; all too *eager* to go back and keep fighting #and 64s writing is a lot more. bitter? angry? spiteful? #hes grinning again but its so so much darker now. he is living on the taste of vengeance alone #when he decides to stay in hell at the end of 64; it is not a decision that took him much time to make at all. #in fact i think he had already decided before he even got back up to phobos #he wanted to go back and he wanted to stay there. #and he did! for a long time! and went completely nuts! then he ended up in argent dnur and thats the prequel story to modern doom #anyway its already 2:20 am and i have work tomorrow so i guess i am only doing one of these tonight. will try to do the other two tomorrow.

[acustardduckling]

‘I’m not buying Scarlet or Violet until they confirm they’ve added Roserade’ I lie to myself as I purchase Scarlet for my cousin’s Christmas present and then immediately ask my parents to get me Violet

I guess I’m just going to have to shiny hunt Smoliv instead.

#i might shinyhunt ALL the plantgirls out of spite honestly #leaks suggest they added every single one EXCEPT MY FAVOURITE AND THE ONE THAT MADE SENSE #people in my discord server like 'oh is custard still ranting about this? expected' #ramblings #at the very least i don't want to contribute to launch day or preorder sales #that's more to do with the fact they put out three games this year though

[arolesbianism]

Horrible realization that if I go through with recollecting all the oni logs then I'll have to actually find out how to get "a seed is planted" like for realsies this time. Maybe I should just cheat them all in actually. <3.

#rat rambles #oni posting #a seed is planted sucks so bad its like my second favorite log and its been such a pain in the fucking ass to find #appearing then dissapearing so thourougly that I thought I might have made it up somehow making me learn to look into the god damn code to #find out if Im crazy or not only to find it along side all the story trait logs despite it being in the research notes section and Then I #open oni again to chech smth completely different and it fucking reapears out of nowhere and then the game updates and all my logs explode #this fucker has tormented me for so long and Ive seen no one else talk abt it so Im still not 100% convinced it wasnt a glitch somehow #it probably is a real log thats in the game and it disappearing is the glitch but boy do I have no way of knowing #if that is the case I can only imagine it relates to it seemingly having been intended as a story trait log #I assume it was moved to research notes because of how long it is but idk #anyways nails you motherfucker why must you have recorded one of the more lore heavy logs in the game and then made it a bitch to find #like genuinely I think its one of like 3 max logs that directly mention duplicants by name #ok ok there might be 4 I dont remember exactly #but two of those would be by jackie and one by probably nikola so nails mentioning them by name is a pretty big deal #and thats if Im remembering those logs correctly which I am likely not lol #its like 3 am ok #a seed is planted also just gives us some juicy lore relating to the actual tech we see in game #along with. that whole unnamed human subject thing. that still haunts me. #who are you subject whatever your number was and are you olivia specifically to spite me #if it wasnt for the b111-1 thing I wouldn't consider her that strong a canidate but it is a thing so she is #not only is she a strong candidate but shes like. one of like 3 real candidates we have for that #it's a weird case because it could very easily be a complete rando especially given the subject number instead of a work id being given #but also given its relation to dupes itd be weird if it wasnt someone who either worked at gravitas or otherwise got duped #which thankfully does free olivia of some possibility since as far as we know there are no olivia dupes lol #jorge and dr.holland are the other two main options in my minds eye but thats based on very little #dr.holland in particular would kind of vaguely make sense given hes mentioned in that story trait's artifact reward #but ofc given that nails does not choose to elaborate on that whole thing all I can do is blindly speculate #they also mention a name which is fun because its one of our rare complete randos in oni lore #now. he could easily be revealed to be some dupe but Im pretty sure the name was like bruce or smth so I dont consider it likely #also I am deeply curious of what this bruce guy was to nails given nails calls him 'my darling bruce'

[aiglamenee]

no but listen. you can of course interpret "get in line thou big slut" as a gideonesque sort of one liner that's there for a bit of comic relief and to reassure us that gideon won't just give up on harrow etc. i do believe that's what it's mostly for and i like it, but! because i'm frequently in my feels about kiriona i also choose to read it as a cry of desperation. gideon has known since the pool scene that she has no chance to ever see her feelings reciprocated because harrow saw alecto's face and fell so in love that she wanted to live for it. as far as gideon is concerned, the battle was over before it had begun, so on some level she knows that she isn't even competition. there is no line to get into because to harrow, there is only alecto. but still she cries out, because she has never once asked or needed harrow to reciprocate. she has always been harrow's regardless. so she yells about it in spite of herself. to gideon, to kiriona, it's a hopeless, pointless cry into the void but she cries out anyways. she lives in a body that can be turned off and shut down by others at a whim and without her consent and still she cries out. she still throws her hat in the ring even when there is no ring. she lives desperately and hopelessly yet still live. is it any wonder that nona thought she was the saddest girl in the world?

#kiriona and obi wan kenobi shaking hands about being made for infinite sadness #like there is no hope for her. there never was #how do you live like that? #how do you in spite of all of that still curse at the physical manifestation of planet's soul #when you know that you were never in the game to begin with and yet you refuse to throw in the towel?

[applejarjar]

Oh the dichotomy of the human race

#For every asshole in the world always remember that there's a whole group of ppl who genuinely care about you #Bad news on the job front... Again #I think I'm done #I have no fight left in me right now and I want to call it quits so bad #This was not what I signed up for #And if these bastards can't see my value then I don't need to be here putting my all into a losing game #I don't have to be here and take this shit #I can't even let the spite drive me anymore I'm so fuckin done #The only thing is there goes the 3000 bonus of which I only actually got like 1800 of and now have to reimburse the full amount #Fuck I just remembered that #But like nah I can't do it #I've never felt so underappreciated and unsupported in my fucking life #Luckily I still have my friends in the program and my family at home to lean on #Or else I don't know what I'd do #But I'm at the very least going to take a week off for myself #I have to go see family rn and get my head space right #The other students have been so supportive too and I'm extremely grateful to them #Cause I'm in a bad fuckin way right now after a devastating talk #But it'll all be over soon enough #Gonna have to pack my shit though ugh #And then the hunt starts all over again

[gothasmo]

NGL, I'm so happy that NB has given me a chance to return to OM because I apparently missed it, but more importantly it means I got to revive my OCs ✨

#i might just start posting about them. #my MC has an ex gf who is a witch. who currently has a pact with a demon oc of mine. #their relationship went sour at the end and it was based off one of my own breakups when I was still trying to work through my feelings. #Wren is fun for me though and her pact Mal is everything to me #Mal stayed friends with Eva after Wren and she broke up bc hes spiteful and petty especially with those he forms pacts with. #he's her terrible bestie she occasionally got coffee with who enables tf out of her but also was helpful with her art. #Eva is an art school drop out. #i have all this OM oc lore and i do nothing except hoard. 😩 #Mal genuinely likes Eva too much to ever form a pact with her given his history and nature... though she started as a little amusement #and a way to piss off his pacted witch. #truly he is actually the worst in a lot of ways but I love him #ancient brat energy. #personal q #i have a purple oc outlet in every game... Mal is that OC for OM. #i spent four hours organizing my old notes on an OC high rn