#speaking of the aughts did anyone else have their soul leave their body when hidden cameras said they were rereleasing the smell of our own | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tokidokifish · 5 years

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sooo i wanted to share this even tho it is INCREDIBLY niche

a little thing i wrote abt my boy alphinaud and the wol! post-main story stormblood so look out for spoilers

...

Alphinaud Leveilleur was a young man who did his best not to allow himself the folly of hubris, not again, not after paying so high a price for it. He knew he was talented in many aspects - exceptionally talented, even - but he tried not to get too carried away in the idea of his own expertise.

All that having been said, however, Alphinaud rather thought there was no one in the world who better understood the Warrior of Light. He had, as far as he was aware, spent more time with them than anyone else. They had been beside him at his lowest, a quiet, reassuring presence that he had come to cherish. He considered them his best friend, and considered himself lucky to have the privilege.

And so - after their fight with the monstrosity that Zenos had made himself, after he had taken a blade to his own throat, while everyone else was basking in the heady relief and joy of victory - he realized that there was something... perhaps not wrong. But certainly there was something weighing on them, as they turned away from the body in the flowers; he could see it in their eyes, could almost pinpoint the moment they chose to push their own feelings down and focus instead on Lyse and victory. He suspected it was something they were used to - something that they had, at one point in their life, made a habit of: disappearing in a crowded room. It was harder now that they were the vaunted Warrior of Light, slayer of eikons and dragons, ender of wars. But they could still do it, given the right situation - and the right motivation.

And certainly he wasn't going to fault them for that. It was, perhaps - probably, even - not the time. So he waited, until everything had died down, when they were back in Rhalgr's Reach. And then he went looking for them.

The fact they were clearly making themself scarce only affirmed the idea something was bothering them. He avoided the more crowded areas, filled with noise and too many people, and found them in the second place he looked - the first had been the entryway to the temple; they told him they liked the flowers, and the cool quiet dimness. But there was also a guard posted, and perhaps even that was too much company for their mood.

Insteady, he found them tucked up under one of the bridges, at the edge of the water, their knees drawn up and tail wrapped around their ankles. Somewhere private, near the water - which they liked - but protected, somewhat, from the constant roaring of the waterfalls, which bothered them.

"Hello," he said, softly. An ear flicked in his direction, and then they looked up at him. "Do you mind if I join you?" They were quiet. "If you would prefer not to be bothered, I can leave."

Their not unfamiliar silence stretched on for a moment more, and then they shook their head. "It's okay. You don't bother me, Alphinaud."

"Anyone can be a bother, in the right - or rather wrong - situation," he said, but he was relieved, rather embarrassingly. He knew that he often bothered people. Prim was one of the few who could reliably put up with him.

And that's why he was here. He climbed under the bridge to join them, and quietly took them in. Since Doma, they had been wearing half of a stolen Imperial uniform, both because it amused them and - they had confessed - they rather liked the style. But now they were back in a simple camisole, and he realized there may have been another reason they wore that borrowed uniform: because it had at least somewhat hidden how very small they were. It was often hard to miss, when they were literally dancing across the battlefield, but he was only one minor (and frankly overdue) growth spurt from completely outstripping them in terms of height - but perhaps they were due for one, themself. He wasn't entirely sure how old they were; he rather thought, from what he knew about their past, that even they might not know. But he did know they were young, younger than any of the other Scions, and made to carry so much.

Even he had asked them to shoulder not just impossible burdens in service of Eorzea, but also the weight of his own worries. It seemed like the least he could do was return the favor.

"Is aught amiss?" he asked.

They made an uncertain noise, and looked over at him again, and he could see conflict on their face.

"I thought you looked troubled," he explained. "And - well, you've certainly listened to enough of my troubles, haven't you? I thought it was high time I returned the favor."

"You don't have to," they told him. "I don't do it because I expect to be repaid."

"I know," he said. "But I want to. Because you're my friend."

They looked down, and for a moment he thought they wouldn't want to speak after all. But then: "I'm not sure where to start."

"Is it Zenos?" he asked. "Are you upset with the way things ended? I'll admit, at the time I was a bit... carried away by my emotions, but looking back it was rather... well, upsetting to see, wasn't it?"

"It was," they agreed, voice quiet. "And he - talked. A lot. Before all of you got there. And at one point, he said... he said that he thought we could have carried on as friends. If I would accept him." Their eyes found his, again. "I said no. And now, after everything... I can't help but... wonder. If I had answered differently. Would that have... changed it, in the end."

For a moment, all he could do was stare. He knew that they weren't hard-hearted; far from it. He knew they still carried the weight of those they had lost, some of it almost too heavy to bear - he had, very sincerely, worried for a moment if they were going to be able to carry on after Haurchefant had died. But...

"As gentle a soul you may be, I never would have guessed that such compassion would extend do our enemies," he said. "Especially not one like Zenos. You are nothing like him!"

"But I am," they said, immediately. "Like him."

Once again, he was startled into silence. But this time, Prim went on.

"I know what it's like not to feel things the right way," they said. "To look at people experiencing something and have it be completely alien to me. And I... I've learned to handle it better, but I have to wonder how much of that is me and how much of that is the people I've surrounded myself with. If I had grown up in the same circumstances of Zenos - if I had even just grown up in the Empire - would I have been like him? Capable of the same things he was? And I can't help but think that - if all I had known was emptiness or the thrill of the fight, and I finally found someone I thought could understand me, and I reached out my hand to them, even for a moment, only to have it rebuffed... what would I do in that situation?"

They shook their head, ears pressed flat. "I recognize the things he did. You called him a rabid animal, and I understand why. But I think I understand too much, and that's why... that's why."

They shut their mouth, and buried their face against their knees, swaying a little in place. For a long, long moment, Alphinaud couldn't think of a thing to say, overwhelmed by a sudden new understanding of his quiet friend. But then he realized there was one thing he was absolutely sure of.

"You still aren't like him," he said. "Do you know why? Because you're a Warrior of Light."

They looked at him, brow creased with hurt, and he shook his head.

"I don't mean that you're special because you're a Warrior of Light," he said, quietly. "I think you're a Warrior of Light because you're special. Because Hydaelyn saw something in you. Something that we all see in you, that draws us to you, gives us hope. It's not the light of the crystal, it's just - you, Prim."

He reached out, and touched their hand. "You don't talk about yourself, but from some of the things you've said - I know you haven't had the easiest life either. Maybe it wasn't being raised as the crown prince of a dictatorship, but I know you had chances to become someone - someone other than who you became. You didn't have to join the Scions, you could have abandoned me after the Sultana's banquet - you've made a thousand choices that led you to this place. You talk about the people you've surrounded yourself with, but even that was a choice. You could have walked away at any time."

They fidgeted a little. "I couldn't have."

He smiled. "The fact you think you couldn't just proves my point. And just like you've made your choices without even thinking about them, so too did Zenos, and look at where you both ended up. That hardly seems similar to me - and hells, even if you were..."

He shook his head. "I find it hard to believe he truly wanted a friend, even in the end, and I doubt your answer would have changed anything. It's understandable to carry the weight of what happened with you - I'd expect nothing less, actually. But... it also wasn't your fault."

They were quiet, staring at their knees. He let them have a moment.

"Oh," they finally said, softly.

"Do you feel any better?" he asked.

They tilted their head, clearly considering the question and their own feelings, and then smiled just a little. "Yes."

"Good. I'm glad," he said, but there was still something bothering him. He looked at them, all curled up in a little ball, and then realized. "Would a hug be alright?"

They nodded, with what looked like a flash of relief, and when he wrapped his arms around them, they snuggled in immediately. He thought he could hear a purr.

"Thank you, Alphinaud," they said, and he smiled.

"Anytime. And I do mean that."

#fish plays ffxiv #local teen finds kitten under bridge - what happens next will warm your heart #i have gotten very attached to alphinaud and i guess it isn't a surprise #he's an over-educated under-socialized nerd #whose biggest fault is believing the best in people #he is essentially a more competent version of me #anyhow:#long post

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