#sparos ocd

[obsessive-bear-walking]

Thinking about all the ways my OCD holds me back. I'm constnatlly hiding myself and not interacting with people on this webbed site which is my only means of social interaction because I am mostly house-bound, every time I do I'm left with unwavering guilt.

Which is also because of the OCD. I'm convinced so many bad things will happen to me if I dare to interact with people outside in my area. If I leave the house and people look at me and get to know me.

#im trying so hard #its unbearable. #sparos ocd

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Trigger warning for discussion of OCD themes, which can trigger people who suffer from OCD.

This post was made so that it could be reblogged and possibly prompt people to do more research. However, it is not required to reblog this post. Not reblogging this post is morally neutral, no one will be harmed and nothing bad will happen if you choose not to reblog it!

I'm only able to cover a very small amount of information, please do your research and take my words with a grain of salt and do further reading if youre interested, I am not an all-knowing being.

So I know most of y'all you think OCD is just about being really clean and that's not your fault but it's super important that y'all understand that

1. Contamination isn't always about germs.

2. That even when it is about germs what that really looks like.

3. OCD can also present as serious morality or religious issues, harm issues, there is an actual subset of ocd called Hit and Run ocd which is a fear of hitting someone with your car people have actually quit driving because of this, skin picking compulsions, etc. There is so much more than wanting to be clean and tidy all the time. (This does not mean that people with "Just Right" ocd or ocd people have tics and compulsions related to cleaning do not exist. They do exist and they are deserving of compassion and consideration when discussing OCD education and acceptance.)

On top of just germs, people with ocd can fear being contaminated by bigotry(Oh look, it's me!), personalities, radioactivity, soap, newspaper, colors, thoughts, words. Anything really.

Even when it is just being "clean" it can be a lot more complicated than that.

"One unusual belief sufferers have is that very small amounts of contaminants can cover very large areas. For example, they may believe that a drop of blood or urine can somehow be spread to coat entire rooms, or even everything they own." - International OCD Foundation

People with OCD having contamination issues is a stereotype but if we know anything about other stereotypes (Such as the stereotype that gay men are high femme) plenty of people fit the stereotype yet are still valid. I personally didn't develop contamination issues with fecal matter until recently despite being able to trace my ocd symptoms back more than a decade.

Morality and religious OCD are extremely common. Here are some examples of both from OCDLA (souce, source) Which is why a lot of content on Tumblr is harmful to OCD people.

Also, reassurance is actually bad for folks with OCD. Which is extremely difficult but very important to know. I sometimes struggle to not reassure people with OCD, it feels cold and callus to say "I won't reassure you." And it would be to anyone else, but seeking reassurance is a compulsion. This is because of how OCD works. To ask for reassurance is often a compulsion for OCD people, it can and often does become addicting while not being helpful.

Which brings me to my next topic:

Compulsions and tics can be just about anything. They can involve counting, tapping, movements, arranging, checking. There is even "just right" OCD where something have to be repeated several times until it is "correct".

The most effective treatment for OCD is medication and ERP (Exposure and Response prevention) which seeks to stop the cycle at the Obsessive Thought and reduce anxiety and therefore stop compulsions. Which essentually trains you to not have as much of a physical reation to your intrusive thoughts. Which is also why statements like "being disturbed by your intrusive thoughts makes you a good person" are actually harmful and inaccurate.

"Unfortunately, with OCD, your brain tells you that you are in danger a lot, even in situations where you “know” that there is a very small likelihood that something bad might happen. This is one of the cruelest parts of this disorder.

Now consider that your compulsive behaviors are your attempts to keep yourself safe when that alarm goes off. What does that mean you are telling your brain when you engage in these behaviors? You are reinforcing the brain’s idea that you must be in danger. Birthday candles are the same as a blazing fire.

In other words, your compulsive behavior fuels that part of your brain that gives out these many unwarranted alarm signals. The bottom line is that in order to reduce your anxiety and your obsessions, you have to make a decision to stop the compulsive behaviors." - International OCD foundation.

Pure-O OCD also exists, which has more mental than physical conpulsions.

Important final note: Thought crimes are not real. Enforcing that they are actively harms people with OCD and no, you can't just say "unless they cause you distress!" because you can still be a decent person while reacting less and less to your intrusive thoughts as that is literally the goal of most pcd treatments. Thoughts are morally neutral.

#nuerodivergent #nuerodiversity #ocd #sparos ocd #mental health #please be mindful when making assumptions about ocd #please do not ascribe moralty to how you respond to intrusive thoughts #please do not ascribe morality to intrusive thoughts

[obsessive-bear-walking]

It's that kind of morning again fellas.

#sparos ocd #i feel like this meme describes me so well #every day is me brining a knife to. gunfight with my brain i s2g

[obsessive-bear-walking]

"My daughter is fine"

Your son is puking because his OCD is telling him he's a demon!

#sparos ocd #yeah I threw up again 😒 #Why does my brain have to do this to me #especially right now of all times when my friends need me #cw vomit #tw vomit

[obsessive-bear-walking]

Whenever my OCD is like.

Me: [normal thought]

OCD: Oh, so you think [unhinged racist/transphobic/bigoted thing I did not think or imply in any way]

Me: I know you are but what am I?

To give an example I gave a character a trait that wasn't even typically associated negatively or positively with their demographic it was just something people have. (Freckles) and my ocd was like "This is JKR levels of evil how could you"

And I was like "OK Jan that sounds like a you problem"

#sparos ocd

[obsessive-bear-walking]

If I have left you on read (There are three of you I'm so sorry) I am not in fact ghosting, or trying to be mysterious, I have OCD and until I have decided my messages are not evil I will be getting back to y'all shortly.

#sparos ocd #my brain really be like that #fells is it mentally ill to think ur friendly dm to a rando on the internet is going to cause a small country to explode and kill millions?

[obsessive-bear-walking]

[OCD posting: no reassurance, please! Pointing and laughing is acceptable though.]

I signed up for art fight and I'm SO scared for no reason.

So I'm a beginner artist and I find motivation really hard because I'm at that point where my eyes are better than my hands. I wanted to do Art Fight because there's no pressure to attack back and I don't have to ask people... I can just sit down and draw what i want for the month... but man... my intrusive thoughts are literally telling me they're going to think I'm trolling/farming and ban me and then everyone will hate me. For like no reason. As if the entire community will find out and hate me. Like jeez brain chill out.

#sparos ocd

[obsessive-bear-walking]

My friend and I were talking about this and I genuinely think we should start doing fake OCD acronyms that describe actual themes to make ableists uncomfortable. /j

Get me a shirt that says "Obsessive Closet Disorder" that graphically describes all my fears and compulsions related to the magic thought that I'm going to be murdered in the town square for being openly queer. Or a shirt that says "Obsessive Cruelty Disorder" that describes all the ways my OCD convinces me I'm actively harming people and the ways I combat hurting them that are wildly irrational.

#ocd #sparos ocd

[obsessive-bear-walking]

⚠️Please do not take offense to this, but please do not reassure me. Reassurance is very unhealthy for me as I may seek it out and get caught in a loop. I'm just venting.⚠️

My harm ocd has just gotten so much worse in the last three years alone. I used to joke that I was that one thing with Naruto that was like

And now I can barely talk to people without feeling like I'm going to do something wrong and hurt them or make them feel unsafe around me.

I try to make new friends and it just makes me feel like a monster and I hate it so much. I used to be the friend who bent over backwards for everyone without complaint and like it used to he detramental to my health how much I put everyone else first. Like I used to have a friend with PTSD who I would stay up with on Skype and wake him up if he had a nightmare and it massively interfered with my school life but honestly going back to that would be prefered to this hell.

It's a total 180 now, recently I think about offering ways to support the people I'm close too and my brain is just goes off "no that's controlling and predatory and abusive" and I have to fight it.

It's so easy for people to get rid of me because my brain just convinces me I'm predatory, and I have to fight with it just to keep up with people.

Short messages are an uphill battle, it's like pulling teeth. I have to beat myself up and be like "you fucking dipshit it's normal to talk to people" I delete and copy/paste and rewrite even the shortest messages until they're "right" whatever that means. As if there's a wrong way to have a normal harmless interaction with someone.

I wish that I had known this started when I was a teen and would feel guilty if I accidently made eye contact with someone, maybe it wouldn't have gotten this bad. No way of knowing, I guess. But now I'm 27 and can barely talk to people without feeling like I'm in the end of the Take On Me Music video.

If I've ever sent you a single sentence, I looked like this the entire time /dark joke

#sparos ocd

[obsessive-bear-walking]

My rocd(? Hocd? Both?) is eating me alive because I *checks notes* dared to not assume a system I know to be used in America was universal. (I googled if a spesific country had suburbs before using the term)

My brains go to is like "oh you think they're dirty jungle people?" Which is objectively hilarious because 1. I don't actually view people who live in jungles in a negative light 2. I was googling France.

I need medication so bad I'm going to be having panic attacks about this nonsense for two weeks.

#sparos ocd #exactly what France is known for... its jungles

[obsessive-bear-walking]

Me: I don't have SO OCD, I've never really worried about my sexuality.

Also me every 4-6 months like clockwork: am I sexually attracted to women and I'm just too traumatized to think about it? *thinks about having sex with women to test this*, *thinks about women* *looks up photos of old romantic/alterus crushes/looks at pictures of ex girlfriends* do I want to fuck women but I'm too dysphoric to think about it? *watches w/w porn* *looks at photos of crushes and ex girlfriends* *thinks about having sex with women to see if it affects me* rinse repeat

My ocd is looking into the camera like it's on the office

#news flash me #i am not sexually attracted to women #i am obsessing tho #sparos ocd #not ocd safe #maybe?

[obsessive-bear-walking]

> be me

> have ocd

> See a product you've never heard of mentioned

> Google it

> it's racist

> ocd says you knew it was evil and looked it up anyway so obviously you're a danger to society 🤷‍♂️

#not ocd safe #sparos ocd

[obsessive-bear-walking]

Hyperempathy is such a curse. was driven into full-blown misanthropy complete with fantasizing about committing psychological warfare on people as a tween-teen because I was like "How are you seeing all this suffering and you aren't shredding yourself apart to fix it??You're just going on with your lives?????? What the fuck is wrong with you people???" and I wanted to make them suffer so badly for not only turning away from it, but by extension forcing me to be the only one to do anything about it.

Oh boy when I learned it's not normal to rip off pieces of yourself and stuff them to stuff into other people's wounds to stop the bleeding I sure was shocked. Game changer for 5 whole minutes before harm + responsibility ocd jumped in.

#sparos ocd #sparos autistic

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Vernt post

Great. I romanced a character in a game to be a completionist, and it triggered me. I knew he was boyish but I didn't realize he was this blatantly 16 year old boy coded in his arc. Like I'm going to throw up. I'm lightheaded. His 10 heart event is like. This isn't a boyish man this is a child.

It doesn't even matter. He's canonically an adult + he's not real + I just played a game and watched the heart event I wasn't actually attracted to him. It's fine. And yet my brain has a knife to my throat.

I need meds, it wasn't this bad on meds my god.

#sparos ocd

[obsessive-bear-walking]

I have a really bad OCD theme that I'm going to be gaybashed or get someone else gaybashed for being near me. It's so ingrained in me and has been since that Matthew Shepard documentry came out and I watched it as a child. Everywhere I go, I'm terrified to use public restrooms, my first throught. I feel like I have to time when I enter shops and buildings perfectly incase a bigot is just leaving. (I managed to break this compulsion/tic but it's still in my mind)

But I feel guilty as hell because I'm within driving distance of Boystown and my town has extremely performatuve allyship in recent years and have only had one problem and it was years ago. Like people hang signs everywhere that say they love gay people (even some of the churches). My family is also really well liked by a lot of the community and people are happy to see me when they learn who I'm related to (or immediately recognize me based in facial features) so I think it would at the very least be awkward for people if I got the shit kkcked out of me for existing. But I still get these intrusive thoughts of how badly I'm going to be harmed by people in broad daylight in my own home town.

Eventhough statistically that's not very likely... I'm still fucking terrified all the time.

Which leads me to thinking I need to be punished for this and I keep thinking I should have been born a few decades before I was so I/my friends would be in actual danger of being harmed. I feel privileged and whiny for being scared. Which is very fucked up and continues this bizzare guilt cycle.

#sparos ocd

[obsessive-bear-walking]

#sparos ocd #ocd #nsft #going full homo does anyone want anything