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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

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Ruby & Cosmo

Ruby: Dying to know is every date colour coded? ❤️

Cosmo: Oh, God 😅 How unintentionally cringe

Cosmo: That sums up how well it went, sadly

Ruby: the quick reply had me thinking you were back early or answering in the middle of dinner

Cosmo: 🤫

Cosmo: I’d never!

Cosmo: It was a favour and I think that showed

Cosmo: She’s my cousin’s friend and just got dumped, sweet girl but perhaps not ready to be great company

Ruby: explains the 🌹

Cosmo: Not very personal or too basic?

Ruby: a nice try if it was your first date ever but I know it’s not

Cosmo: Thank God I didn’t get another bouquet 😏

Cosmo: They weren’t buy one get one free though, before you say

Ruby: they looked expensive

Ruby: she would’ve felt guilty throwing them back in your face

Cosmo: I told you I weren’t texting under the table, why would she need to?

Ruby: you told me why, they’re impersonal & basic

Ruby: & heartbreak makes you unhinged

Cosmo: I wouldn’t call her unhinged

Cosmo: at least not to her face, right

Ruby: 😅

Ruby: or your cousin’s

Ruby: Are you staying out in town or going home to change?

Cosmo: I don’t fancy showing up in the club in this

Cosmo: never mind hearing what my friends would have to say

Cosmo: What are you up to?

Ruby: the VIP area has seen worse, you don’t look like you raided the Gucci sale rail, eyes closed

Ruby: & your friends have worn worse, but I won’t say it to their faces

Ruby: I’m waiting for my own friends to be done making their own questionable outfit choices as usual

Cosmo: Careful, that was almost a compliment and not just a drag of the lads

Cosmo: not undeserved on their end but what did I do to make you decide to be nice to me?

Cosmo: besides entertain you with my dating woes whilst they redo their makeup, again

Ruby: You know how to dress, it’s a fact

Ruby: & I didn’t decide to be nice, it just happened

Cosmo: Not that you’re not usually nice in general

Cosmo: but here I am, feeling special, like 💖🤩

Cosmo: It’s also a fact, though not an impressive one, that I’m not lame enough to go in for that negging bullshit, so whatever I end up doing, calling you a bitch ain’t on the agenda

Ruby: there you were down in the dumps about your disaster date, I thought I’d try to help

Ruby: I wouldn’t, it only works for Mason when everyone’s too busy watching his feet move to care about his mouth & that’s not the audience you’ve got atm

Cosmo: I think I’ll survive

Cosmo: but I appreciate it

Cosmo: I’ve seen him get in trouble for his mouth plenty of times on the pitch

Cosmo: but referees aren’t ones to be sweet-talked so…

Ruby: your expensive roses are wasted on them 🥀

Cosmo: That is the real tragedy 💔

Cosmo: I reckon 🍷 could work on your dad though, whaddya think?

Ruby: aren’t we beyond bribes? I thought we were

Cosmo: You don’t have to go up for contract renewals

Cosmo: but I was joking, so don’t tell him he’s on a promise there

Ruby: oh yeah, it’s a joke you being worried you won’t get renewed

Ruby: he doesn’t shut up about you after a few 🍷’s with your dad

Cosmo: Sorry you’ve had to witness/hear that

Cosmo: can’t help my case

Ruby: it wouldn’t be realistic to entertain you or let you entertain me if he wasn’t on board

Cosmo: No?

Ruby: secrecy & sneaking around would be impossible unless we could both drop what we were doing at a moment’s notice, which we can’t

Cosmo: True

Cosmo: Neither of us has the time for that

Ruby: or the anonymity

Cosmo: You aren’t wrong

Ruby: 💖🤩 back at me?

Ruby: you’re being agreeable, above & beyond the Sunday roast standard you set when everyone was listening in

Cosmo: Agreeable from you I can take

Cosmo: I didn’t know any of you guys were going to be there, so if I wasn’t on top form

Cosmo: I’d love to have a second chance to do it better, of course

Cosmo: Somewhere more exciting than family dinner

Cosmo: and no impersonal and basic 🌹s

Ruby: I’d love to skip the club tonight, it stopped being exciting forever ago

Ruby: there’s your chance

Cosmo: Alright

Cosmo: I’ll make something happen and I’ll send you the place and the dress code

Ruby: pastel colours wash me out

Cosmo: What kind of place would be pastels only? 🤔

Ruby: [name drop somewhere boujee that you’ve been probably with your mum and godmother lol]

Ruby: you wasted the ❤️ on the wrong girl 💔

Cosmo: She wasn’t wearing red

Ruby: it was never going to work out

Cosmo: That might be for the best

Ruby: tbd

Ruby: but I’m not feeling like I’ll cry or talk about any of my exes so it’ll be better for you

Cosmo: And for you

Cosmo: not that you’re letting me be impressive with a bar that low but you know

Ruby: you’ll get over or under it if you want to

Cosmo: If I couldn’t rise to the occasion your dad definitely wouldn’t stand for it

Ruby: I won’t either

Cosmo: tbd

Cosmo: I heard

Ruby: another girl has beat me to denying you everything, I have no choice but to switch it up to keep things interesting

Cosmo: Has hard-to-get worked since the days of negging?

Cosmo: You’ve got all the choices, and no need to play any sort of game with me

Cosmo: Let’s have a good time

Ruby: it might have worked for people who want a different reputation than I do

Ruby: that’d wash me out too, the whole projection of intense cold bitch energy

Ruby: a good time is more doable

Cosmo: It wouldn’t get you very far, I understand

Cosmo: We all have to be some type of way to get to where we need to be

Ruby: yeah & talent has to be backed up with 😁✨

Cosmo: A winning personality, of course

Ruby: if I don’t have that both of my parents & coach are going to lose it, definitely

Cosmo: Well, you don’t need to worry about that, from my perspective

Ruby: from my POV neither of us will be worrying until the alarm wakes us early tomorrow & it’ll be too late to stress it by then

Ruby: the good time’ll have already happened

Cosmo: I’ll drink to that

Cosmo: [something that’s between the restaurant moment we just took Savannah to and the normal clubs they would go to, idk what that would look like, like a club that’s a bit sassier than the beyond standard ones footballers and WAGs would hang in]

Cosmo: but I won’t start without you, like

Ruby: not counting the 🍷 if the 🍝 soaked it up

Ruby: but what do you want me to wear? 🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🤎

Cosmo: ❤️ off the table then

Ruby: the bar hasn’t fallen through the floor, I’m not okaying you wearing the outfit you chose for her & me dressing to match it

Cosmo: 😅 I’ve gone home but alright

Cosmo: I want to see what you come up with, actually

Cosmo: I’ll show you I’ve got better than the jumper, don’t worry

Ruby: I’ll do better than a roast with the fam, talk about a low bar

Cosmo: I think you’re probably incapable of looking bad

Ruby: try keeping me up all night & you’ll see

Cosmo: I won’t be the first or the last to show up to practice feeling less than 💯 … are all the other ice skaters perfect 😇s?

Ruby: I’m not giving any details of who isn’t, you’re a date down tonight as is, I’m not getting ditched for someone even more 😈

Cosmo: About how that looks

Cosmo: ‘cos I know

Cosmo: We aren’t going to post anything are we?

Cosmo: I’m not looking to add to the poor girl’s 💔 and I know it’s a dick move to not even wait ‘til tomorrow

Ruby: 📵

Ruby: getting into a fight with your cousin over me is even more Romeo & Juliet than sneaking around behind my dad’s back, we all know how it ended

Ruby: drama in the routine is fine but off the ice it’s not cute

Cosmo: Drama on the pitch depends how you feel about diving

Cosmo: but I appreciate that

Ruby: how I feel about diving depends how much my brother has got to me & I want to get him back for it

Cosmo: 🟥 or 🟨 depending on the day

Ruby: 🟥 usually

Cosmo: I feel that

Cosmo: about my own, usually, not necessarily yours but I can see the how and why there too

Ruby: yours made an impression, not at all good

Cosmo: That’s his speciality

Ruby: 😬 brothers bring the mood down when they’re ours

Cosmo: Neither of them’s invited

Ruby: it’ll make a change not to see mine out

Cosmo: That’s unlucky

Ruby: but you’re on to a winner with the location, congrats

Cosmo: I had a good feeling

Ruby: I’ve got one too

Cosmo: 💖🤩

Ruby: a compliment to last until I get there

Cosmo: tbd 👋

Ruby: ❤️

Cosmo: [so obviously this night is gonna go better than the awkward date, though that’s not hard soz Savannah, but also a step above the standard club moment of every weekend hence we stay out longer than we usually do when we’ve got an early start tomorrow]

Ruby: [and equally as obviously if you found enough to talk about when you were around all your annoying relatives for that roast I’m not worried about you struggling for a convo tonight, you’re both cute and have things in common and there’s clearly a vibe]

Cosmo: [I don’t think anything needs to happen tonight but it’s obvious you like each other ‘cos you could both be bothered to show and do this]

Ruby: [agreed it feels legit to who you both are and your priorities to wanna take things a bit slower than that, like it’s clearly unlike her already to do this when you were literally on a date earlier and staying out later than planned is also something neither of you do a lot so]

Cosmo: [yes, we’re not that kind of boy, not saying you’ve never slept with anyone obvs lmao but we’re not a different gal every weekend energy at all]

Ruby: [likewise neither calling this gal a nun or a slag but I doubt she's been out with that many people cos of a) her busy schedule and b) the lowkey famous dad and brother thing that would make some lads wanna try it on for that reason]

Cosmo: [exactly dr phil, you wanna skip to the AM of it all?]

Ruby: [absolutely boo]

Cosmo: 🟥 or 🟨 for keeping you out past your bedtime then?

Ruby: Are you willing to take credit or am I blaming a messy friend’s man troubles?

Cosmo: That depends

Cosmo: we would have to find a friend we’d mutually not mind throwing under the bus and I’m not sure if my brain is capable rn

Ruby: it wouldn’t be taxing to mine to think up someone believable, if you’re keen to show up to my door with 💐 & fool my dad that it’s the first move you’ve made

Ruby: for rep’s sake

Cosmo: The 💔 is all around

Cosmo: a hangover will have you feeling that way

Cosmo: are YOU keen for me to show up at your door with 💐s, that’s the real question here

Ruby: I’ll start getting hangovers when I’m old, it’s a scare tactic before, not a real thing

Ruby: impressing my dad doesn’t necessarily impress me

Cosmo: 😂

Cosmo: That’s alright, I already have impressed him, so it’s definitely not my intention here

Ruby: let’s hear what your intentions are

Cosmo: Now you’re bragging about how un-hungover you are

Cosmo: How about you let me set up a second date and we can talk about it then?

Ruby: a brag would have a selfie attached, I was reassuring you I’m not suffering mild alcohol poisoning like most of our friends

Ruby: a second date for when?

Cosmo: I’m pleased to hear it

Cosmo: it doesn’t make for a pretty sight

Cosmo: [pisstakey shot of some of the lads dying in the changing room or wherever like ew lol]

Cosmo: Send me your calendar and I’ll see?

Ruby: 😬 lovely [but send him something similar of the girls obvs and then your calendar of course, I’m cackling because what if the only time they can both do is tonight so that looks really extra when you’re both not]

Cosmo: They’d kill us for that 😏

Cosmo: [we so could, lmao okay]

Cosmo: Well, it looks like either we double down and go for tonight or we give it a rain check and see in a couple weeks 🤔

Ruby: tonight works for me but it’s you who’d be doing the work to think of somewhere else with wow factor

Cosmo: Undefeated with two wins sounds a lot better than one

Ruby: yeah & I don’t want to talk about weeks on the bench

Cosmo: Be a bit of a dirty tactic to put the blame on you for not going out with me tonight if I get benched but

Cosmo: If it works I’m not above it

Cosmo: So, what kind of place are you looking to avoid tonight?

Ruby: do we need to avoid anywhere or flash photography? your cousin & the girl they forced you to date can’t stay mad forever

Cosmo: No, we don’t have to

Ruby: 💖🤩

Cosmo: Understood

Cosmo: I’ll get back to you

Ruby: 🚫🍷🥃🍸🍹 can be tonight’s rule if you need a break

Cosmo: I don’t

Cosmo: I just needed to know what you want to do, and now I do and I’m thinking

Ruby: I know you don’t need it to have or be fun, me either hopefully

Cosmo: I think you’re fun

Cosmo: and it’s definitely tragic if you have to rely on something like that, that’s not me

Ruby: it’s nobody I know or would count as worth knowing

Cosmo: Totally

Cosmo: Okay, I’m going on the pitch, send you deets later

Ruby: don’t mess up or I’m going to cancel tonight & I don’t want to so that’ll be us both in bad moods 😘

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sailor-freak · 4 years

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Halestorm: The Strange Case Of... - Album Review

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As I have uploaded a ranking of this album to my YouTube channel I think it’s finally time for me to review it! This is my first time reviewing an album that’s not new haha also btw for anyone expecting poetic brilliance that’s not here it’s legit just me giving my opinions of the songs 😂. But this is my favourite Halestorm album (so far) and the only one I own (again, so far, I ordered self-titled with a gift card my uncle got me for my birthday haha) so why not review it 😂.

Love Bites (So Do I) - BOP. That’s it 😂. My full post on this song is linked in the song titles (as will all songs on here I’ve already posted about) but for an opener to the record man it’s SOLID. I love how it was inspired by their Slave to the Grind cover, and the tempo is so similar but it’s also really different sounding? Like, they didn’t just copy that song they took the tempo and made something of their own. Love it 😂.

Mz. Hyde - Ahh this song is so dark and creepy and HEAVY I love it 😂. The way it starts off so dark, then the verses are lighter as she sings about the nice side of herself, then the chorus gets dark again, ICONIC. I think I’ve also said this before but the “it’s me Lzzy I swear” is the most iconic line in Halestorm history and you can fight me on that. I also love the way it transitions SO neatly into the next banger...

I Miss The Misery - THIS TRANSITION KILLED ME ON FIRST LISTEN a lot of albums do neat transitions like this but I don’t think I’ve heard one more beautiful than this 😂. I think you should know by now this is not only my favourite Halestorm song but my favourite song just... ever? Like my post gives a proper discussion of the song (although it was one of my earlier posts so maybe I need to amend that lol) but this was the first Halestorm song I listened to, and I was HOOKED immediately. It’s so rock and roll but it has its own elements that just make it stand out, and no Halestorm song since has topped that. AND I’VE LISTENED TO A LOT OF HALESTORM 😂. So yeah, best song on the album, there you go.

Freak Like Me - Ahh my first post on here 😂. So I didn’t talk about the song like at all in this post so I best do that oops 😂. What I love about the song is the anthem quality it has, not just in the lyrics but musically the chorus really makes it stand out just among the freak community, possibly due to the guys’ backing vocals on the “freak like me” line itself, it just makes it a group effort and celebrates the unity of Halestorm and their fans. Another thing I LOVED was Lzzy’s scream before the riff, you know, the one that goes on for longer than the last note of So Much Better? The first time I heard that I was SHOOK, it just demonstrates Lzzy’s vocals so well 😂.

Beautiful With You - Oo, the start of the “ballad section” of the album. I think it’s pretty solid 😂. I’ll admit, when I first listened to this album I came looking for bops, so this section was kinda disappointing on first listen. Not because they were bad at all, I just was looking for songs similar to I Miss The Misery and Love Bites, so they sort of didn’t sit well with my brain? Too many ballads 😂. But having listened to the album and these songs more, and sort of understanding that this section is important to the record, I’ve grown to love them? And this one I did like on first listen, maybe it was the guitar but there was parts of the lyrics that really stood out to me, maybe not on a personal level but they were just nice, so I thought why not and I added it to my playlist 😂. I definitely prefer the heavier songs both on this album and in general usually, but this one has some really strong parts.

In Your Room - I think this was the first song I was really disappointed with on first listen? And it’s still not one of my favourites. The meaning behind this is really great, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong musically. I actually like the subtlety of the first chorus, it blends in nicely with the verses, then when the second one comes round it’s like a pleasant surprise 😂. I think it was the lyrics that bugged me, however, I don’t know if this is just my sadistic mind but I thought an interesting take on it would be a sort of creepy turn? Saying stuff like “I’m right outside your door” and stuff, if you take away the sentiment of the song it has the potential to be like a stalker song 😂. Maybe if it was on their first album it would have taken that direction? I just think that would have been interesting 😂.

Break In - (let’s just ignore the fact I’m buzzing about the studio version with Amy Lee that’s coming out this summer) This one I really have grown to love, again with stepping away from my need for heavy bangers I really appreciate this for what it is. There’s nothing complicated about it, it’s a simple piano ballad with some harmonies thrown in. I don’t think there’s been a song like this since? I mean, Dear Daughter was piano till the band came in, and Heart of Novocaine was acoustic guitar, but this being purely piano really makes it stand out, not just in this record but out of their discography. Idk, it’s simple, it’s heartfelt, I love it 😂.

Rock Show - Oooo... surprisingly this is my least favourite song off the album. I thought I’d love it, the concept and meaning behind it is amazing. I think it’s just something with me personally? Lyrically there’s not a lot to dislike, I love the descriptions of the experience at a rock gig as an audience member, it taps into that deeper feeling than just going to enjoy music, it is an experience on a higher level. However, because of the inspiration behind this song it uses “little girl” to address it... I don’t like that shit 😂. Idk if you know me but I hate being patronised, don’t call me little I’ll step on you 😂. So, I think this is a great song for that girl it was written for, but as an older person listening to this song it just doesn’t get to me.

Daughters of Darkness - Okay, this is where I feel addressed 😂. While Rock Show was dedicated to one young girl who enjoys rock gigs, this one is for ALL the ladies who love them. Similar to Freak Like Me it has an anthem feel to it, with the “na na na na na” bit (felt like I was quoting MCR there lol), but it’s like... specifically for the girls 😂. I think I mentioned this but I love the symphonic / orchestral additions to it? Reminds me of Nightwish (who are actually the only band I’ve seen live so far in my 19 years of existence), so that really adds a whole element of enjoyment for me personally. It’s one of the darker and heavier songs on the record (I mean the title does suggest that), and is one of my absolute favourites, was from the start. When I came to this album looking for bangers THIS ONE REALLY PROVIDED 😂.

You Call Me A Bitch Like It’s A Bad Thing - I relate to this one too much omg 😂. Lyrically, this is absolutely SCANDALOUS, but we love that and that’s the point of the song 😂. Little thing, I love the little chord progression in the intro and instrumentals of the song, just really cool idk what it adds I just love how it sounds 😂. Although I love that I think the lyrics is what makes me love this song, “see you next Tuesday” absolutely iconic 😂. I also love when she says “you call me a freak” and I’m like... WE ARE 😂. Just a little bit I noticed haha, but the concept of let’s sing the most outrageous shit and revel in being called a bitch is absolute class we love 😂.

American Boys - This one is also lower down on my list but it’s not bad at all 😂. It has a real classic rock and roll feel to it, and it is very American sounding which links nicely with the lyrics 😂. I think for most people this song wouldn’t really have a deeper meaning (idk if it does for you then let me know haha), but it’s more of just a casual celebration of the male species in the United States 😂. As I said in that post it does stand out in this album, as it’s not a strong anthem song, a deep personal ballad or embracing being sadistic and scandalous, but that sort of makes it stand out 😂.

Here’s To Us - Oh this song is so wholesome I love it 😂. Aside from this song probably being the only reason I can get through life at the moment (I legit listen to it whenever I get anxiety about anything, my parents, work, general shit I can’t deal with lol), the meaning behind this song is so simple yet so powerful? Just... celebrating Halestorm for who they are, what they’ve achieved, and embracing the bad times and recognising what they are capable of... you really have to know Halestorm to fully appreciate this song. When I first listened to it I had NO IDEA what it was about, I think I legit knew Lzzy’s name and that was it... so hearing this for the first time had no power behind it and I feel so bad, cos your first experience with this song should be the absolute power behind the meaning. Anyway when all the guys sing with Lzzy at the end my weave was snatched and it’s so adorable I love it this song just displays the absolute unit they are, and it really shows how unique of a band they are. Stan 😂.

Don’t Know How To Stop - Bonus tracks time! Honestly... this song is too perfect for the start of the bonus tracks I like... it’s iconic 😂. Since The Pretty Reckless’ Death by Rock and Roll came out today I’ve been listening to a lot of them and I see similarities lyrically between their stuff and this song, like the whole embracing going full force and going too far, like enjoying the rush of it? This song uses a lot of car and road imagery actually (imagery, oo, haven’t used that word since my exams), with “red lights” and “brakes are shot” (I should probably look in my booklet to see if that’s the correct lyric but I can’t be arsed so if it’s wrong soz), as if she’s saying living this extreme crazy rock and roll life is like a car speeding carelessly, and not having the brakes comes into not being able to stop this lifestyle? Idk there’s probably something else there but I’m not getting marked for this am I 😂.

Private Parts (ft. James Michael of Sixx:A.M.) - Okay... can I just start by saying this is a good song. It’s great 😂. Musically there’s nothing wrong with it, the chorus actually bops quite hard considering it’s a deeper song, so there’s nothing wrong there. Lyrically it’s good, I love how the verses are like the argument between these two people, but the first verse is almost like their thoughts aloud? Cos they’re not responding directly to each other, it’s like their own thoughts and feelings coming out, it works really well. But... I cannot listen to this song... I just laugh 😂. I’M SORRY I KNOW IT’S A BOP BUT WHEN SHE KEEPS GOING “SHOW ME YOUR PRIVATE PARTS” I FUCKING PISS MYSELF OKAY IT’S HILARIOUS I’M SORRY I'M SO IMMATURE BUT ALL SENTIMENT IS LOST IN IT 😂.

Hate It When You See Me Cry - Oof I feel this one too much, ngl I’m a little pissed it’s only a bonus track cos it’s the best deep ballad sort of song on the whole album just saying 😂. When they said Lzzy gave into the cheese for this record PRIME EXAMPLE RIGHT HERE PEOPLE fuck I love it 😂. I love how it starts soft, then the band just KICKS IN and while it remains soulful and softer it still SHREDS 😂. But man it was the lyrics that got me, and you know me, I’m not cheesy. I hate cheese both the food and the concept 😂. But for some reason here it doesn’t bother me at all?? Like in fact I LOVE it, the chorus is where it’s most cheesy but I think it fucking works 😂. I’ll inevitably do an individual post on this so I won’t analyse loads but fuck I feel this one 😂.

Overall man this album is a journey 😂. It starts off with the solid bangers, whiplashes into the deep ballads, then brings itself back up before slowing down a little and bringing it to a neat end 😂. I find it weird though that although on first listen I was disappointed with the amount of ballads and how not many songs slapped as hard as Love Bites and I Miss The Misery (fuck those two are the best 😂), but it was still what got me obsessed with Halestorm? Like how could I be “so disappointed” with it yet constantly listen to it and actually fucking BUY the album 😂. I think I was salty cos I came looking for bangers but now I just embrace it all 😂.

#halestorm #halestorm the strange case of #review

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specialmeltingsnowflake · 6 years

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY @thosebritishboysonyoutube !! 🙏🎉✨

well hello there, my fav aussie friendorino !! 🐨🐨 (ugh, what a weird way to start of a heartfelt bday letter, good job me uhmmmm)

Dear Zoe! (that's better 👌 not rlly it's pretty much a trainwreck from here soz but i really did try, i swear xD)

you turn 19 today, how flippin crazy is that ¿¿ only one more year as a tennager and then it'll be finally time for your roaring 20s, hhehe (sorry, anything i say at this point are just a bunch of p!atd references #noregrets). idk how being 19 feels yet because i myself am still very much a youngling (jk we're both getting so old where has the time gone and why won't it stop i feel attacked?) but hopefully you'll have the best year of your life so far !! and then, please, pass your knowledge down to me in a few months, haha xD

where am i even going with this 😂😂 ok, maybe it's true that girls make their bday wishes way too long, but what better way to tell you all these nice things than this special occasion !!

now, since i have tumblr to thank for meeting you, i thought it would be only appropriate to post this here (im v cheesy as u know, sorry this is what u get for being friends with me 😂🧀🧀). it all started on a faithful morning in january when i was sitting in arts class bored out of my mind and i decided it would be a fun thing to socialize with the person who had my fav picture of dnp as their profile picture and a username equally as long as mine xD i can't believe we've been friends ever since, the internet is so amazing man :') also literally the first thing we did was play 21 questions which took us like a week to finish because we kept getting distracted by the random topics we were discussing, i'll never forget that tbh 😂

ok, i don't want to drag this out, but i just want you to know that i am really glad we met because i have never known someone so similar to me so it's been a really awesome ride with you and i hope it never ends !! i also hope we get to meet each other one day in person so i can give u just about the biggest hug in the world and tell u how much i appreciate you and how much you mean to me in person. as i've told you before, you've been a better friend to me than most of the people i know irl which is pretty darn incredible because even though we live a million miles away, you never fail to make me smile and i am genuinely so thankful for that. 💜

thank you for actually taking interest in my life, for putting up with my weird obsession with gardening 🌱🌺 and most importantly for being my #1 fangirl companion, haha. 💞😂

have the best day today, because if there's anyone i know who deserves love and happiness, it's you ♥️ !! eat lots of cake (u better send pics so i can see if it's better than my traditional minion ones 😂) and party like there is no tomorrow !!! - just kidding, we don't do that sort of thing lol

HAPPY BDAY YOU MUNCHKIN !! HERE'S TO MANY MORE TO COME ILY 🎉🎂💐💕💕🎈

and to wrap this up: here's a pic of beebo to brighten up your day (you're welcome)

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sweetnestor · 6 years

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12 Days | Chapter 7.2

Two guys that lowkey hate each other are forced to walk in each other’s shoes in order to learn a lesson.

***in collaboration with @themarkiplierexperience

lmao soz its not actually x reader we’re just desperate for attention haaaa

bonus: the videos that “tom recorded/edited”: x x

Waking up to texts from the guy you switched lives with was like waking up to texts from a needy girlfriend. Except instead of affectionate “good morning”s, you get things like, “Oh god. Try not to ruin my channel thx 😅” and other things like, “Don’t worry about Sean. He’s a good guy and he’s helped Bella through a lot. They’re friends and nothing more.” Oh wait, that’s what Tom needed to know. It was vital information about this life. Well, Sean was already gone, so maybe it wasn’t as important to know now, but still.

There were two more. One made his heart ache. “You have the most beautiful dog and I love her.” Tom missed his little Tess more than anything. He was supposed to be one cuddling with her.

The next one read: “Also this time zone difference is insane, I’m never gonna sleep.”

Tom decided to leave him on read, since he had nothing new to report. Then, he thought about what he had to do today, and a bout of nerves formed in his stomach. Today, he had to successfully record a video as Ethan Nestor. Why was this more stressful than being on a movie set? Why did this make him want to shit his pants more than giving a speech at an awards show, or going to a movie premiere?

There was literally no one else in the room, and Tom was anxious about how he would sound and act. How far could binge watching a bunch of videos late at night get him? Would Ethan’s fans figure out what was really going on? Tom’s own fans were frighteningly incredible at playing detective, he could only guess what Ethan’s would be like. He hadn’t even checked how people reacted to the video that was posted today.

After looking through the files on the computer, Tom stumbled across a game titled “Dream Daddy.” What the fuck kind of games was this guy into? He looked into it a little more, and then discovered what exactly this game was and who made it. Wasn’t really helpful, but what choice did he have?

He also had to Google search how to record the computer screen, cursing Sonji under his breath as he did so. Why did she specifically choose Tom and Ethan to switch? Why couldn’t it have been two nobodies with boring office jobs?

A spark of curiosity hit him. Tom typed “swapping lives” in the search engine, only to receive links to a fiction book with that very title. Next, he tried “soul swapping,” and that was when the Internet connection decided to dramatically slow down.

“Sonji,” Tom whispered as he narrowed his eyes. Whatever, he had more important things to do anyway.

Once he turned on the camera and lights, Tom began right away. He opened the game, and was pleasantly surprised at the dreamlike, whimsical music that started playing. He did a little dance to the music, completely bullshitting what he was doing. It works, right?

He got the god awful intro out of the way. “What is up my cranky crew? It’s Ethan from CrankGameplays and today we are here in Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator!”

The game was actually really fun. Good story, good dialogue.Tom made sure to comment on all of it as he played. He almost made himself as a dad before remembering that he was pretending to be somebody else. This daddy had to have blue hair and glasses. Yes, he had discovered how blind Ethan was after driving in his car a couple of times.

Anyway, recording was the easy part. He just had to act extra dorky and say “oh boy!” every now and again. He also made up a story about having a “horse phase.” Editing was where things got tricky. Firstly, the facecam footage was corrupted, and took ages to get it all back. Then, it was out of sync with the gameplay, which was even more confusing because the last video didn’t have this problem. Cutting out footage was harder than it should have been. It was a nightmare, and Tom grew more and more irritated as he went through it. Lastly, timing the ridiculously long outro music with Ethan’s equally god awful outro phrase (“So thank you guys so much for watching! Hope you enjoyed it, if you did make sure to slap that like button right in the face and I will see you guys in the next video! Love you all, stay cranky, bye!”) was a fucking challenge. Tom just didn’t get it. Wasn’t this supposed to be easy?

Somehow, he got the video done by the noon. Even after that, he had to make a thumbnail on Photoshop after noticing all the ones on the other videos. So Tom had to learn how to use another program as well. He needed a nap after getting through all of it.

Just as he started to come down from the stress, his phone started to blow up. Tom snatched the device from the desk and unlocked it, hoping to hear from Ethan. Instead, it was three different texts from Bella, Mark, and Amy.

Bella: “Good video today!! Are you coming over?”

Mark: “Oh so you decided to keep your channel going. Feel up to coming back to work yet? No rush.”

Amy: “We still on for tomorrow?”

That last message would have been very concerning, had Tom not remembered that Amy was Mark’s girlfriend. The only person he responded to was Bella. After that, he got ready to go.

There are plenty of things you don’t really think about when you switch lives with another person. Well, you think of the main things like, general personality, the person’s friends and significant others, their job. You don’t really think about things like how this person responds and reacts to their fans. You don’t think about their attention span, the way they fidget, or which leg they put into their jeans first. You don’t think about how they act with their friends versus how they act with their significant other. You really don’t think about what kind of gift he would get for his girlfriend on their six month anniversary.

Tom was bloody lucky that Bella hadn’t heard him enter her apartment that afternoon. He overheard her making a video in her bedroom, where he heard the words “get ready with me,” “date night,” and “anniversary.” Panicked, Tom bolted out of the building, hopped back in the car, and drove off to the closest mall. Part of him wanted to call Ethan and yell at him for not telling him about this, he had the chance to when his phone dinged four times on the ride to the mall. Tom was just trying hard to think up a decent gift on his own. They couldn't help each other, correct?

Eventually, he found something. It wasn’t much, but he could only hope that she wouldn’t mind. Tom had already fucked up with her once, he couldn’t do it again. Apparently, not only was a Pop Funko Spider-Man keychain a decent gift, it was sentimental and perfect for Bella. She nearly teared up when Tom brought it to her later on.

This anxiety thing she had must have been really serious. Bella told him all about how she hadn’t been to the cinema in years because of her panic attacks, and that Homecoming was the first movie she had seen from start to finish without any anxious interruptions. She was very proud of that, and she was happy that she experienced it with Ethan.

If only Ethan were here to see this moment… Actually, he could.

Bella fell asleep later in the afternoon. She was squashed between Tom and the back of the sofa, sleeping somewhat soundly on his chest, or practically on top of him. The physical affection was nice, but Tom wished it was someone else. Thankfully, he had his phone in his hand, so he was able to open the new messages he got literally behind his girlfriend’s back.

He had five new messages, four were the ones from Ethan earlier today, and the last one was from someone called Parker.

“Signed a billion posters, pls work on your signature it’s so much longer than it has to be dude.” Oh please, at least Tom signs his actual name as opposed to Ethan, who apparently signs things with his YouTube name.

“You’ve got a great family dude. Really, they’re all great.” Tom missed his family too. His missed his mother's pancakes.

“On my way to Montreal now for Chaos Walking pre shooting stuff i don’t really know.” That's going to be an adventure.

“I swear if I have to work out I’ll die alright gn?”

Tom rolled his eyes and sent something back. “Thought I completely fucked up your relationship, but it’s all good now!” As a follow up, he added: “Now I’ll be spending my six month anniversary with the missus! Night mate x”

He attached a photo of his current position, giving a smug expression to the camera. Ethan will get a kick out of that, that’s for sure.

“Who ya texting?” asked the sleepy girl lying on him, who could hear the ticking of the keyboard.

Tom was busy reading the next message, it was a little confusing. First of all, who the hell is Parker? Second of all, what the hell did Tom have to do with him tomorrow? And why did it involve Amy? What was with all these “don’t forget tomorrow”s? Why couldn’t anyone be straight up anymore?

I’m looking at you, Sonji, Tom thought just as his phone dinged, indicating that an email had arrived.

From: [email protected]

I told you you gotta learn a lesson now leave me alone you asswipe!!

Tom, wide eyed, silently locked his phone and put it down for the rest of the day.

______

tag list: @marie-is-in-the-dark @beardedsteveslut @ohsnapitzmoony [idk why it wont let me tag you asdhlk]

______

#crankgameplays x oc #ethan nestor x reader #tom holland x oc #tom holland x reader #sweetheart writes #sweetheart collabs #twelve days #sorry for the tardiness haha #xmas got in the way lmao #and i wasnt sure what to do for this chapter which is why its super summarized and kinda short #i also added the videos from ethans channel just to show what were working with here #tbh his content was a little spotty and glitchy during this period lmao #and yeah sonji is a psychic lady u shouldnt fuck with hahaha #sorry sam i stole ur google search idea lmao #anyway thx for the attention and validation #ALSO ITS JULY 20TH HERRE #i may do a time skip for the next chapter so it all lines up IDK!!!!

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theinfamoussons · 6 years

Text

Bored as Fuck (aka the 3 year survey)

11.28.17

3/7 1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?good question to the gay kid's tumblr i got this from 2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?not currently 3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?SEND EM TO REHAB lmfao. 5/30 4: Do you find it easy to trust others? yeah, i meet people and tell them everything. 5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? hanging around with my bro's, getting the shit scared out of us, lmfao. it was a chill night. 6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? shads, mota, blaze, some random chick 7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? that shit don't work i just laugh 8: Are you close with your dad? he's aight. 9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? nahz 10: What are you listening to? it's silent yo 11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? i'm assuming this means alcoholic because who the fuck wouldn't pick water. let's go with some jack d honey 12. Do you like hickeys? yee 13: What time do you go to bed? varies alot. sometimes i'll stay up all night, sometimes i'll go to fall asleep before the sun goes down. let's say 6 to 6. 14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? nah because i cut the negativity out of my life. 15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? two is faster, but one is doable ;) 16: Do you always answer your texts? if i care enough 17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? no 18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? few minutes ago 19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? yes, lots of people 20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? the little girl in curse of blackwater 21: Is anyone else in the room with you? nope 22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? yes 23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? no 24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? if i have issues with people, it's for a reason 25: In the past week, have you cried? no 26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? bebub's infected pussy 27: Do people ever call you by your last name? uh. no 28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? nah 29: Do you have a best friend? yep 30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? no 31: Who was your last call from? shadz 32: Are you mad at anyone? nah 33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? i want to say no...actually, yes 34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 69 35: How many more days until your birthday? peepee 36: Do you have any summer plans yet? its symma --3 years later-- 37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? yes, some of my best friends actually 38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? mmm...maybe a little 39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? i don't think so 40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? probably, but i'll say no lmao 41: Do you think age matters in relationships? not at all 42: Are you available? ;) 43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? 3, maybe 4 44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? damn i would look like a fuckin twink with anything lmfao 45: Do you believe exes can be friends? of course 46: Do you regret anything? refer to treecko's prompt that isn't posted yet lol 47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? honestly, not much. i'm chillin 48: Did you ever lose a best friend? yes 49: Was your last kiss a mistake? nah 50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? lol 51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? yeah 52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? yes 53: What was the last thing you ate? shads just gave me pretzel goldfish (ily hoski) 54: Did you get any compliments today? lmao um probably 55: Where are you going on your next vacation? can we have a squad vacation to disney, i'm beggin ya mars please take us all 56: Do you own anything from other countries? yep 57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? even spread 58: Where have you lived most of your life? Mobius bitch 59: When was the last time you took a long drive? i never really do that 60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? LOL probably in like 7th grade while i talked about how much i hate mr linnehan 61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? yes 62: Who do you text the most? closest friends. is that too vague soz 63: What was the last movie you saw? fuck it should have been elf. wtf did i last see, maybe cars. wow i'm an adult 64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? we're not on those terms ha 65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2010? oh wow 7 years ago what's up. 1 66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? yes why do you keep asking about her so much lmao damn 67: Do you curse around your parents? yeah 68: Are you happy with where you live? yee 69: Do you collect anything? std's 70: What’s your favourite colour? orange 71: Does the last song you listened to remind you of anyone? idk what it was 72: Has anyone ever cheated on you? yes 73: What are your plans for tomorrow? live me life 74: Do you have siblings over the age of twenty-one? nooope 75: Does your last ex have a job? uh yeah being a crack whore 76: What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship? prob is 77: Where is your cellphone? right here 78: What colour is your cellphone? gold like me nuts 79: What did you dream of last night? eating pussy 80: Are you atheist? no 81: Will you change your name when you get married? i'm literally a man 82: Are you ready for autumn weather? it's winter fuckface 83: Have you had any big storms recently? actually...yes 84: What kind of bottoms are you wearing? pajama BITCH

#survey #2014 #2017

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savemefrommyselfxv · 7 years

Text

open silver’s version of blue ticking and ig double taps aha (ig double taps is another way to coverline/halus kata a cerrrtain shape eh hahaha) ok sorry i rlly gotta cut out this aspect aha and put on more honour and respect maybe. ok but

saaap hahhaha. kk. May As-Salam be with you :) anddddddd letter received and read. - fidget spinners aka tasbihs been helping me a lottttt ahaha much so I kinda wanted to idk go see and seek if there’s a black/white/pearly grey pearl beaded one that i might gift to you as a friend/sister in islam at least aha. rlly kinesthetics helps muchhh in ways our minds may sometimes go mindless. but hahahah two thoughts: how will it reach you la. Mail? hahahah. And then I got this pretty cool idea slightly inspired by your blue book project hahah which HM issit someone said they gave up on it. - aha but yeah its almosttttt likka blue book idea, but instead of just writes, it also includes like, wtv other elses. It’s likka box of trinklets or wtv else. think: a thumbdrive that acts likka mix tapes and tasbih little gift or like attar for reminder and gratitude of the idea of a perfumery companion. Aku rasa aku creative like that ah HAHAHA chey self puji but yeah either it could be a delayed gift box or it could be like a shared PO box hahahah idk.

when hopeless romantic meets hopeless romantic ahaha eee sorry gedik, but ya man ahahah thru my varied friendships from sec sch etc, I’ve been learning the love language of giftinggggg. Like my clique of girls would exchange sweets and notes during vday to each other or like we’d plan each others’ bday bashes and be there for grads etccccc. Gotta learn to love those we have first, before we learn to love the one we’d hope God gifts for us to learn love with. Learn ways to love our parents, our sibs, friends, community. Part gratitude but also part of spreading and practicing the virtue of rahmah and pardon and part silaturrahim and yeah ahah. Reflecting goodness of God.

Quick story time: between my mum and my late dad, hm I’ve always had more clashes with my mum. :”) but over the years with learning about waliwalidayna bil ihsan and allllll that - plus learning from friends about varied love languages (ahahaha I might as well list it here la)( you can google to find out more ok aha i think quite interesting)

Words of Affirmation

Acts of Service

Receiving Gifts.

Quality Time

Physical Touch

I think we first manifest to others what we hope for? idk maybe it’s the theory of projection. (I swear learning psych has shaped much of my thinking but then again maybeeee it’s um just greater awareness) - so yeah from tiffs and clashes with the mumsie growing up, (and a lot of pain that idk haha still healing from) slowly I started with making bday cards, and then gift gifting - usually from trips overseas - or I’d write short notes and letters to accompany the gift (aha sometimes its as simple as a printed photo. sometimes its just like snacks from overseas, sometimes telekung or baju butterfly), and then sometimes its the occasional buying of teh panas for her cuz she likes it and sometimes its being patient with daily calls of what would u like to buy for dinner and sometimes its swallowing the bitter pill to be denied the opportunity of qiyam when Id baaaadly need and have been looking forward to the spiritual uplifting and idk hahah ups and downs and yeah sometimes its dinnz outside at some nice place tgt and sometimes its solat tgt and giving her “air time” to make do’a in malay and sometimes its convos on the sofa after buka so ya lor hahahahah soz this became a me and ibu analysis hahah. fa is still heaaaaaling and learning love and the whole waliwalidayni bil ihsan. :”) masih jauh lagi. - but okiz yez hahahah dah macam off topic kejap.

I had brekkie with me sec sch clique at the airport in the mornzz and we catch uppp and allll (aha idk if you’ve heard of the traffic light(?) but yay hahaahhah I hate that I always ee but I hate to be gedik but hahahahah kk you were part of the updates la ok haha pahampaham kan but yeah hahahah they had their updates too and yeah 2 of them going on a tripppp and flying and then one of them gonz enlist in two weeks time (yup, girl onto NS hahahah stil rlly cool la) and wtv else of their uni updates and just good ole company and thennnn I went back home and hahahah napped (lol my sleep is still screwed Im sleeping at 3amz alhamdulillah for unmissed subuhs) but yeah medical later bcuz full time work is starting next week aha maybe ill write a bit more later (omy i realise writing helps me sort my thoughts and intents etc, ahah but I wouldn’t be as motivated to write, if not for opensilvers ahahah. thank u if u do read em all) and yeah lol hahahahah al kisah catharsis and updates dah jadi macam kindergarten the part where we excitedly spill any and everything just because we feel like sharing.

I actllyyyyy had more thoughts/writes aha from last night and varied convos but idk publish em later maybeeee. aha.

seeee there’s always so much I could write about but mostly I dont or yeah man maybe cuz my letter writes are too long and shnaz long winded. aha.

but thank u for your recent letter and your forever honesty (aha ok I have a write on that wew) but yeah hm idk so should I be checking in on you on days you may go radio silence just to make sure you dont devil days? aha its like yo assistance, i wanna be of benefit but i dont wanna overstep bcuz its not healthy to over-rely on another, and we each gotta learn to be self driven or disciplined or wtv else (aha wait I’ll post a screenshot on thissssss) but oki

what do you need from me / and in telling me bout all these parts of you, what do you hope to get across to me or yeah idkk.

but yeah aights, while we’re figuring thisssssssssssssssssssssssssss,

may wtv radio silences only be beneficial ones. I’ll always look forward to your writes.

Sincerely, letter friend fa. from a weird strange ish friendship idek how aha

kk zuhr then outz for medikalzzzzzz.

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: What it is, right, your twin left her coat at CG earlier & it's my neck if it's not back in her hands by me next shift Jimmy: pass it on Janis: Hmm Janis: Are you sure you've got the right person here? Jimmy: Grace Cavante is your sister isn't she? One of Janis: Unfortunately Janis: No doubt she'd rather you gave it to her yourself and that feeling is mutual, like Janis: Get a clue, lad Janis: couldn't be less obvious 'less she left her knickers Jimmy: Stop your chatting, a sec Jimmy: nowt's mutual that's why I'm asking you to get it, not her Jimmy: The resale's nowt either, I had a look Janis: You're in my inbox? Janis: Knew you were lost Janis: Poor Gracie, first you pie her then you call her cheap, gutted Jimmy: I've been round your family tree about 4 times Jimmy: Can't call myself lost Jimmy: You gonna grab this or nah? Janis: Unlucky, but I ain't gonna cry for you Janis: Wrong twin, again like Janis: What's in it for me? Already told me I can't flog it Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: well I'd shout you a muffin but if you're anything like her, I'll be the one eating it when you don't & I'm watching my figure meself Jimmy: guess the pleasure of my company works if you are? Janis: Tell you ain't from 'round here Janis: No 🍀 Janis: Nothing like her Jimmy: sounds more like my luck's finally in Jimmy: got enough stalkers Jimmy: more than I've done shifts Jimmy: what you want then, other twin? Janis: Not that I doubt how special you are Janis: I completely do, by the way Janis: You get to thinking how you can make me having to fucking regale every detail of this frankly riveting convo to my sister worthwhile and I'll get to walking, yeah? Jimmy: You wound me, girl 💔💔💔💔 Jimmy: I sought you out, whereas she's been in my inbox unread since my moving in date, that'd do for starters Janis: If the situation's a dire as you reckon, you'll have plenty consolation, boy Janis: Welcome Janis: State, honestly Jimmy: You're my consolation if you do me this delivery Jimmy: feeding me to the wolves in lipstick if you don't, basically Jimmy: 'ave it on your conscience if you want, mate Janis: Fucking Hell, if I start atoning for all her cringe or offering myself up as 'consolation' to every lad she makes a tit out of herself in front of I'll never get anything done Janis: Ugh, alright, brains, do your job for you as well, shall I? Just put your mate's number on her to-go 'stead of yours, yeah? Jimmy: alright but how many of 'em are coming to you direct for help, I'm making myself look as much of a tit here, aren't I? Jimmy: brutal you Jimmy: newbies don't have mates to throw under buses Janis: Well, don't be fooled by how available I seem Janis: phone never stops, like Jimmy: I'll find another way then Jimmy: if you stop by for coffee I'll misspell your name like we never chatted, don't worry Janis: Barista bants, how cute Janis: Whatever, it's on my route, I can get it tomorrow AM Jimmy: what you prefer, Janet or Janice? Let me know Janis: 😑 Janis: If you want my sister to ride you, keep on taking the piss, she'll love that, like Jimmy: if you want me to be nice to you, keep using your sister for that A+ excuse Jimmy: 'cause nah, there's nowt more appealing than her getting on her bike Janis: Ha, fuck off, you're the one with a tips jar and manager to keep happy, dickhead Janis: I'm not saying she's not fussy, I'm just saying it might take me several cups of coffee to give you enough 3rd degree burns for her to be #overit Jimmy: funny Jimmy: & im just saying I'd rather give me ex a bell & have her do her worst ruining my life long distance Janis: Worth a shot then, isn't it? Janis: Just try and be less Janis: this Janis: she might reckon you're a changed man Jimmy: is it gonna change your sister's mind about me if I do? Jimmy: 'cause her mates have homewrecker written all over 'em Janis: It was a poor choice of friendship tat, yeah but they ain't the brightest, bless Janis: idk, probably help if the girl was real, mate Jimmy: she is real but shes also real far away Jimmy: & really hates me Jimmy: that's mutual unlike the attraction your little twin is harboring 💔 Janis: 💔 Janis: fuck someone here then, ain't gotta be all 💕 just look enough like it that they write you off their hit lists, yeah Jimmy: proper romantic you Jimmy: I'll go back to the drawing board if its all the same Jimmy: don't need another lass falling for me, do I? Janis: 🙄 Janis: If I had such an easy out, I'd use it Janis: fucking blood ties, such bullshit, along with romance but there we go Jimmy: Easy? yeah alright, Juliet Janis: Not saying you've gotta off yourself with the poor bitch, steady on, though peak 💘 so it is Janis: You're either a 😻 magnet or you ain't, can't have it both ways Jimmy: I just wanna be left alone Jimmy: shouldn't be a lot to ask but until I master leprechaun for fuck off, it apparently is Janis: Preaching to the choir...nah, fuck that, preaching to the big man himself Janis: You work it out, you've got my details now you fucking stalker so hmu then and not before k Jimmy: you know the saying, get stalked enough, become fucked off enough by it to become the stalker Jimmy: or summat Janis: Tragic Janis: No doubt you coulda been something, kid Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: still could Jimmy: if you help me Janis: I don't know how to make a latte, soz Jimmy: not a requirement of dating me, and yeah, my boss is gutted Janis: you what? Jimmy: go out with me Jimmy: you said yourself it don't have to be a love story Janis: um yeah but you should both at least be somewhat into it, ideal world Janis: know you already called me out as the romantic here but Jimmy: nah, you're what I need Jimmy: I won't get tempted Jimmy: keep it easy, like you also said Janis: 🖕 Janis: Like I said, show me how it's worth my time and I will Jimmy: your sister would hate it Jimmy: not like I'm asking you to marry me, you look enough like her that'd be like asking myself to honeymoon in Vietnam Janis: You're a cunt, also, obviously not well-traveled Janis: say what you like Janis: it would be amusing to piss her off and I'm always up for finding new ways Jimmy: so you in? Jimmy: 3 date minimum Janis: You mean I actually have to spend time with you? Jimmy: as long as people think you are, do what you want Janis: Fill your boots Janis: but don't just be saying I let you finger me on your lunch break, like, that isn't working on anyone, least of all my sister and her stupid mates Jimmy: come get your sister's coat and we'll make the magic happen Jimmy: coupley pics and #s will work Jimmy: all they do is sip & scroll Janis: How magical can you really be, then? 😏 Janis: Fuck it, worth it just to piss her grafting you down the drain Jimmy: I'll fake rock your world, Jasmine Janis: Sure 👌 Make me forget my name half as many times as you have and you'll have fucked enough brain cells out to make me a thick Northern twat, clearly Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: hope you're a better actress than you are sweet talker, love Janis: That ain't the one, fucking hell Janis: pick a better petname if we ain't taking time to remember Jimmy: let me know what you want me to call you Jimmy: Baby, right? I bet you're one of them girls Janis: 😒 Hilarious Janis: My daddy issues are pretty non-existent, soz to report Jimmy: what then? Jimmy: Can't call you Juliet if you aren't ride or die for me, darling Janis: I'm remember your unfortunate accent now Janis: it's probably best you don't speak Jimmy: strong, silent type Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: It's your fantasy, kid Janis: Big yourself up however you gotta Jimmy: fantasy? nah Jimmy: necessity Janis: You've not gotta warn me Janis: Not swooning over this chat Jimmy: 💔 Janis: We're all gutted Janis: push that down and smile for the 'gram Jimmy: 😁 Janis: That's the spirit Jimmy: I know yours is more 😏 Jimmy: control yourself if you can, Jenna Janis: Make no promises to control myself so Janis: 👊 behave or deal Jimmy: make one or its off Jimmy: your sister & his mates break enough of my boundaries Janis: If the problem is they're swinging for you, I'm gonna go right ahead and victim blame Jimmy: probably keep that off the 'gram, girl Janis: We laying down ground rules here and now, yeah? Jimmy: you got something else on? Janis: It's the Easter hols Janis: so no Janis: fuck all Jimmy: then may as well Janis: Alright Janis: No posting without getting the other's go ahead first Jimmy: done Jimmy: same goes for agreeing to go somewhere/do something as the power couple we're pretending to be Janis: 'Course Jimmy: & if you tell your sister summat let me know too 'cause she loves questioning me over her coffee Janis: Ha Janis: I do my level best to avoid her but easy Jimmy: you're not gonna brag about what a good boyfriend I am 💔 Janis: We'll have to work out how good you are first, like Jimmy: good enough that I'm off limits your sister & her mates Jimmy: no more no less Janis: Can do that Jimmy: don't fall in love with me for real, can you do that? Janis: 😏 Are you for real? Janis: Ego to go with the accent, is it Jimmy: just checking you're not like your sister for real Jimmy: could be protesting too much for all I know Janis: And this could just be a really bad come on for all I know Janis: we'll have to trust on this one thing, deal? Jimmy: Yeah Janis: Sorted Janis: Make me sound good, as I will be for you Jimmy: how good? Jimmy: nobody knows my dating history, what's yours? Janis: Likewise Janis: all you gotta do is make it realistic enough that people stop asking if I'm a dyke Jimmy: Easy Jimmy: Are you a take it slow girl or hook up on date 1 type? Janis: Won't be getting that graphic on the 'gram, leave it out Jimmy: But it won't stay on the 'gram, will it? Jimmy: People chat Jimmy: what reputation do you want? Janis: Probably better to not be a slag init Jimmy: but don't be keeping me waiting too long if you don't wanna sound gay Janis: alright, irresistable Janis: 2nd date, like Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I ain't, by the way Jimmy: Don't matter Janis: Does Janis: Who needs the pressure of being a beard? This ain't what this is, got it Jimmy: It'd be less pressure, probably Jimmy: you'd be better at faking it Janis: Sorry to disappoint you and all the girls 😒 Jimmy: if its the only time you're gonna, I'll cope Janis: Naturally Janis: Aim to please Jimmy: save it for the 'gram, Judith Janis: Reckon I'm being nice rn? Janis: Poor boy 💔 Jimmy: nice matters less than gay Jimmy: Don't wanna be your mate Janis: Good thing too, aiming to please here, keep up Janis: just saying, starting to doubt how 😍 they are now Jimmy: come see for yourself Jimmy: I'm working as we speak Janis: 😏 Wow so hot Jimmy: it could be if you're ready to kick this off Janis: Why not? Janis: Sooner we get it done sooner we'll see results Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: Laters, babes Jimmy: Cute Janis: That's why you're with me Jimmy: I'm not yet Janis: You're gonna be salty 'cos I won't ride you in your hipster hangout today? 😂 Jimmy: I'm getting paid to be here, you're the one hanging out Janis: I'm picking up the bitch's coat, piss off Jimmy: You could do that when we close Jimmy: You're coming to see me Janis: You do this much? Janis: Suspiciously good at it Jimmy: Which bit? Janis: The bit where you fake a relationship Janis: Good tactic to get bare girls, like or what Jimmy: You're my first 💕 Jimmy: don't let it go to your head, Josephine Janis: as much as that'd get 'em throwing out the #goals Janis: secret's safe with me, boy Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: don't have to go to these lengths up north Jimmy: girls just get if you're interested or nah Janis: 💔 it's a shithole, mate Janis: didn't you get told before leaving t'mines Jimmy: must've had too much coal in my ears or summat Janis: Don't know what you got 'til it's gone Janis: interested and interesting bitches included, obvs Jimmy: not only a pretty face you Jimmy: got it going on in your head too Jimmy: lucky me Jimmy: 😍😍😍😍 Janis: Yeah yeah Janis: Better take back what you said 'bout the leprechauns now you're coming up 🍀&🌹 Jimmy: if you save the humble for the #s I'll think about it Janis: Never been accused of being humble Janis: I guess the gay or nay is more pressing Jimmy: never checked a mirror or nowt, neither? Janis: 'Course, gotta spot myself at the gym, ain't I Jimmy: you can agree you're pretty then Jimmy: not an ugly duckling story either Janis: What's it matter, like Jimmy: im not fake dating one of them girls Jimmy: hates herself but still takes selfies Janis: that's another rule? i'll be thinking on my next then Jimmy: Can't prop up your self esteem Janis: Don't worry 'bout me, fake worry or otherwise ain't necessary Jimmy: I won't Jimmy: all worried out Jimmy: fake & real Janis: 🎻 Jimmy: customer service deserves a pity orchestra Jimmy: alright for you, rich girl Janis: I'll hire one out for date three if you earn it Janis: so 💸 Jimmy: just gimme the money Jimmy: if this was a naff teen rom com, I'd charge per date Janis: If I was richer, older and lonelier, you mean Janis: and you were desperate enough to be a rent boy Janis: you'd actually have to put out though so let's not Jimmy: only if I wanted top money Jimmy: the in it for the chit chat option would be more than I make at CG Janis: Then I hope to fuck you're a better fuck than you are bringing it with the chat, darling, no one is paying for this Jimmy: I'm not trying to impress you Jimmy: pay me and I'll be charming Janis: I'm not trying to pay Janis: Not that hard up, but tah Jimmy: don't complain about what you get then Janis: You ain't telling me what I can and can't do, babe Jimmy: I'm telling you I'm not here to listen to you whinge, babe Jimmy: Get a real boyfriend for that Janis: Have you tried talking to any of my sister's mates Janis: I really think it'll solve this whole thing Jimmy: I talk to 'em every shift Janis: That's not real Janis: that's wage slave robotics Jimmy: neither is this Janis: Whatever, do this at them then Janis: However fit you are, it ain't worth all this Janis: though, probably had worse, hm Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: bad boy baristas are this year's...whatever last year's fad was Jimmy: whatever I say that's brutal I'm playing hard to get Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: 🤢 Ick Janis: last year's fad was the clap so like, careful Jimmy: I repeat, you're what I need Jimmy: nothing else has worked Janis: 😍 Janis: I said yes, didn't I Janis: it'll be sorted Jimmy: are you on your way? Jimmy: 'cause it won't be 'til then Janis: Keen Janis: Yeah, though, gimme 10 Jimmy: try and look like someone capable of getting my attention Janis: I'm not giving myself a shit fringe for you Janis: get some taste Jimmy: you don't know my tastes, Joanne Janis: I can guess Janis: and be right Jimmy: go for it Jimmy: try Janis: any bitch described in any indie song ever Janis: not like other girls 'cept like all the other girls at the shitty pub/gig drinking pints 'cos you'll think it's dead cool, like her tongue piercing and real leather jacket Jimmy: thats racist Jimmy: just 'cause I know all the lyrics to Wonderwall Janis: 😂 Janis: like glass, boy Jimmy: I hope you're better at pretending to know what I like Janis: I know I ain't wrong but you can have the automatic upgrade for free Jimmy: Funny Janis: What, now I'm TOO confident? Jimmy: Nah, too obvious Janis: Err, me or your lack of taste? Jimmy: you Janis: How Janis: Fucking cheek Jimmy: You've pulled the first cliche you could out of your arse Jimmy: is how Janis: I'm sooooo sorry Janis: sure she seemed really special and unique at the time Jimmy: I'm sorry that you're just like your sister Janis: Now who's chatting out their arse Jimmy: still you Jimmy: she don't know me either but she reckons she knows my tastes too Janis: and you don't know me, you barely know the bits of her she wants you to, like Jimmy: I'm not trying to even fake know you Janis: Mutual, hence idc what you fuck Janis: and it was a joke, fucking hell boy Jimmy: funny you Jimmy: like I said Janis: So you keep saying Janis: go do some work, i'm just killing time on the bus Jimmy: I'm working harder than you Jimmy: this chat is a slog without all the coffee I'm slinging between the lines Janis: Do one then? Save it for the 'gram, rule no.1 Jimmy: 👋 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: what do you do that isn't shit coffee there Jimmy: drinks or food? Janis: Drinks Jimmy: shitter tea, tasteless milkshakes & minging smoothies Janis: 🙄 Joy Janis: if you can make the smoothie at least healthy as well as minging, do that Jimmy: I can make it taste alright if you keep that off the 'gram Janis: That's big talk, babe Jimmy: secret menus aren't just for starbucks Jimmy: I'm here all day I have to make some shit edible for myself Janis: Fair Janis: I'm willing to be impressed by the smoothie skillz at least Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: I'll be brutally honest, idc if you are bae Jimmy: calling me bae is more brutal Jimmy: hate that Janis: 😂 awh bae Jimmy: leave off, Jill Janis: hot and cold, you Jimmy: 💔 Janis: tell me 'bout it Janis: planning our fake breakup already Jimmy: Are you? Janis: that's the fun bit, right? Jimmy: make me look better than my ex did and it'll be a start Janis: i'll break your heart Janis: that's the reputation i'll take Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: steady Janis: 🤷 Janis: i want what i want boy Jimmy: you think you're having my heart? how many dates we going on? Janis: work fast Janis: faster than i'm letting you Jimmy: up yourself you Janis: rich 😏 Jimmy: yeah you are, don't rub it in, girl Janis: I ain't though Janis: like you said, her coat's shit Jimmy: means she's got shit taste not a lack of funds Janis: You can't be rich with 10 kids Janis: trust Jimmy: you could Jimmy: could be a princess for all I know Janis: 😂 what kind of deep cover is this Janis: living in this hole Janis: going to that school, sure Jimmy: #humble Janis: funny Janis: you wish Jimmy: Why? Jimmy: I don't care what you are, do I Janis: 💸 and clout would be an undeniable bonus, regardless Jimmy: I told you, I wanna be left alone, clout is the opposite of that Jimmy: & I don't need your money, girl Janis: Okay so you can't be bought, get you Jimmy: that's not what we're doing here Janis: I know Janis: Serious Janis: you're just easy to take the piss outta Jimmy: piss off Janis: I'll turn around now, like Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: I'm not having the threat of you walking hanging over me head Janis: So serious Janis: Not a princess with a driver, there's no changing the bus route on the rest of this lot now Janis: no matter how moody you get Jimmy: I've got a kid sister I ain't babysitting you too Jimmy: Be serious Janis: Yeah yeah Jimmy: Or call it off Janis: Nah Jimmy: It's not a yeah or nah question Jimmy: it's me saying don't half arse fake dating me Janis: I ain't going to Janis: like you said, this ain't real, and ain't how it's gonna be but can't prove that 'til I get there Jimmy: 👌 Janis: That ain't a response either Janis: I ain't the only one with something to prove Jimmy: Show your face & I will Janis: Try not to look too disappointed Janis: don't doubt some of your fangirls will be watching Jimmy: How many times do you want me to tell you you're pretty when nobody's listening? Janis: Shut up Janis: That ain't what I meant Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: See? Don't start Janis: 😍 only dickhead Jimmy: calm down, dickhead Jimmy: I've got this Janis: First time, you admitted as much Jimmy: Faking it, yeah Jimmy: I've done it for real, that's harder Janis: You reckon Jimmy: I don't care what you think so yeah Jimmy: As long as it looks good it don't matter if it is Janis: That's same as the real thing let's not lie Jimmy: Nah Janis: Agree to disagree, darling Jimmy: Disagree and tell you to shut your face, Jodie Janis: Save it for your ex, Romeo Janis: 💘 such a romantic Jimmy: If I was, she wouldn't be an ex, would she? Janis: Giving you benefit of doubt Janis: LDR never works, you're a 15 year old boy Janis: got like what, 13 more before you find the one, isn't it? Jimmy: what makes you think long distance is what ex-ed her? Jimmy: I never said that Janis: Guess not Jimmy: You don't have to fake knowledge about me Jimmy: nobody's asking who came before Janis: You don't know girls if you think that Janis: undoubtly scoping their profiles as we speak Jimmy: don't doubt they have but they won't find owt Janis: not gutted for 'em Jimmy: only yourself Jimmy: you'll have to keep faking knowing everything Janis: suits me fine, boy Janis: the truth don't interest me none Jimmy: spoken like a decent liar Janis: you know it Janis: truly your lucky day Jimmy: 😍 Janis: Ready? Jimmy: If you are Janis: Fuck it Janis: Why not Jimmy: see, romance ain't dead 💕 Jimmy: how could I refuse? Janis: in it for the smoothie Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: got time to spit in it still Janis: Don't you dare Janis: Will actually fuck you up Jimmy: Get used to it, you're gonna have to kiss me Janis: Disgusting Jimmy: Sweet talking again Jimmy: Jeez, June, steady on Janis: You're the one bringing up necking when I've not even got in the door Jimmy: Are you ready or aren't you? Janis: 'Course I am Jimmy: then I can talk about it, can't I? Jimmy: it's too late for a no kissing rule Janis: If that's how you deal with bricking it Jimmy: piss off Janis: Too late now, babe Jimmy: it's not Janis: ? Jimmy: we don't have to do this if you're shitting yourself Janis: bitch, please Jimmy: I'm not gonna be your bitch, babe Janis: Not the pet name you want then? Jimmy: 🖕 Janis: Have plenty of time to think on it when you're swooning 😉 Jimmy: It's so funny that you believe you'll able to think on anything Janis: 😏 Mhmm Janis: catch me mentally writing my shopping list to pass the time during Jimmy: You aren't even a good liar in private Jimmy: We're doomed Janis: Shut up Janis: Not seen such a romance since Kate and Leo Jimmy: 🎻 doomed, mate Janis: you wanna go down with the ship so bad Janis: drama 👑 Jimmy: I want you to put your riches where your big mouth is Jimmy: Stop your chatting and come on Janis: Keen as Janis: I'm nearly there, stop pining, it's embarrassing Jimmy: You're such a dickhead Jimmy: Maybe I should just date your sister Janis: Go on Janis: I ain't gonna save you from the literal slag pile of exes, you ain't deserve it Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: you don't deserve me Jimmy: well snide you Janis: You love it Jimmy: not having my 💘 Joan, I told you Janis: i don't want it Janis: just gonna 💔 it and bounce Jimmy: 😂 Janis: k i'm coming in guard your 💘 and 👀 'cos i look 🔥 Jimmy: I'll judge that Janis: you forgot what we're doing here or what Jimmy: If we're dating you gotta bring it as my girlfriend Jimmy: so nah Janis: 🙄 Janis: 'cos you look so fit in your stupid uniform 👌 Jimmy: We're meant to be improving your rep not trashing mine Jimmy: & yeah I do 👌 Janis: Really? Nothing to do with how scared you are of these crazy bitches k Jimmy: fed up ain't scared Janis: still Janis: you need me Janis: don't forget it, pal Jimmy: I won't if you don't, mate

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