astronomy
seonghwa x non-idol!reader
seonghwa is worlds away from you. breaking up with him has become the best, and only, option left.
wc: 1.1k
warnings: angst, crying, breaking up, heartbreak, insecurities, talk about tour and idol life, pet names (star, my love)
as i sit on the edge of our bed waiting for seonghwa to come home, i think about all the memories we had together. the good, bad and ugly. the laughter, the tears and arguments, the kisses and 'i love you's. i sit and reminisce on when we first met, when we first started dating, our first kiss, and every other little moment i spent with seonghwa. and now i have to think about what i'm going to say when he walks through that door and i have to explain to him that i'm leaving.
i hear seonghwa open the front door and then the bedroom door. i stayed unmoving on the edge of our shared bed and silently watched him. he had his bags in his hands from their tour, similar to my bags packed beside me. seonghwa looked up at me and we made silent, knowing eye contact for what felt like hours. no one moved, no one said anything, the only sound in the room was the busy street outside. that was until seonghwa broke eye contact to put his bags down on the floor with a heavy sigh. i continue to stare at seonghwa and couldn't help the tears that welled up in my eyes, but i'll be damned if i let them fall this early.
"it seems like we need to talk." seonghwa said but he spoke towards the ground. you could hear the strain in his voice but you weren't sure if it was from his tour or if he was trying to hold back a heart-shattering sob.
"i don't know what you want me to say, seonghwa," i look into his eyes that refused to look back at mine, "it's time for me to go."
"but it doesn't have to be" seonghwa answered back quickly and desperately. his eyes glancing between my folded hands in my lap to my packed bags at the end of our bed. i stayed quiet, wanting to see if he would add anything else; if he would beg me to stay. but seonghwa didn’t speak up again.
“please don’t make this more difficult than it has to be” i say softly. i knew breaking up with seonghwa wasn't going to be easy, but his silent desperation was eating me alive.
“then let's stop all of this. here, i'll help you unpack.” seonghwa still refused to meet my eyes as he grabbed my luggage, opened it, and started putting my clothes back into the closet. with shaky and fast hands, seonghwa opened the closet and dresser drawers. the only noise in the room was the sound of coat hangers hitting each other and the tussle of fabric. i could feel his heartache from miles away. finally, i let my tears fall as i glare at seonghwa’s back.
“i can have someone pick up my stuff some other time, seonghwa. that won't stop me from leaving.” i break the silence this time. he goes completely still, like he's frozen in place. eventually, seonghwa lets his arms fall, slapping his sides, and hangs his head down. the recurring silence is eating me alive. i want him to say something, anything. i want him to scream at me, yell at me, tell me to leave, tell me that he never even loved me.
seonghwa slowly turned around to face me, his eyes meeting mine for what felt like the first time. the tears welling up in his eyes made me choke down a quick breath and bite my tongue.
“you're my star, y/n” whispered words spill from seonghwa’s lips. words that made my heart clench and my tears fall faster.
“you can't force the stars to align, seonghwa, we’re two worlds apart.” i raised my voice slightly at him. i hate playing this back and forth game.
“two worlds apart? what do you mean, y/n?” seonghwa takes a hesitant step closer to me as he searches my eyes for the answer.
“isn't it obvious? you're an idol, seonghwa. aren't you tired of having to hide our relationship, having to pretend i don't exist, having to constantly check up on me when you're on tour? i'm doing us both a favor.” i speak loudly with my hands but the words falling from my mouth were quiet and broken up by my sobs.
“is that what this is all about? we can go public with our relationship. i don't care what happens or what anyone has to say, i just want to fix this,” seonghwa spoke rationally but i can tell by his body language that he was getting just as frustrated as me, “don't leave over something like this.”
“i guess distance doesn't always bring fondness,” i sigh and haphazardly wipe away the tears on my cheeks, “i wish i could stay with you, seonghwa”
“then stay” he makes no move to wipe his cheeks like i did. the pleading was evident within his voice, but i wasn't going to change my mind. this was the only option we had left. this was how our relationship was destined to end. we used to fantasize for hours about what our future would look like. we would stay up all night talking about our hypothetically wedding and children, but in the back of my mind i knew our words would never become a reality. i'm surprised we got as far as moving in together let alone being together for the past 5 years.
i have nothing but love for park seonghwa. that's why breaking up with him is the right thing to do. “stop trying to keep us alive”
i grab the only bag of mine that seonghwa didn't unpack and walk out of the bedroom, making a b-line for the front door of our apartment. seonghwa was close behind me, spewing incoherent sentence after sentence, begging me to stay. he grabbed onto my arm once i had reached the door.
“we’ll never be two worlds apart, my star, we’re both mars.” i can’t bear to face my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend; i just keep my head down as i silently cry.
“you're mars, my love, and i'm saturn. its been like that from the start. we’ve been two worlds apart for the past 5 years,” i gently shake seonghwa’s arm off of me and grab the doorknob, “i was never your star, but you’ll forever be mine.” i give him one last tearful look before i opened the door and left what is now seonghwa's apartment.
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