Wei Wuxian, sick: I feel like death!
Wen Ning: ...
Wei Wuxian: ... Sorry.
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wei wuxian: *appears with a screeching murder of crows, creepy black tendrils sprouting out of his body, glowing red eyes and a corpse-summoning hell flute*
lan wangji: move in with me
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Wei Wuxian: What's your type?
Lan Wangji: Kind, smart and also dumb, brave, a good fighter.
Wei Wuxian: That kinda sounds like me. Too bad I'm not a woman.
Lan Wangji: Did I mention dumb?
Wei Wuxian: Yes.
Lan Wangji: Good. Just making sure.
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Wei Wuxian: would you still think i’m hot if i was evil
Lan Wangji: if by “evil” you mean rebelling against the orthodoxy that was actually so incredibly attractive i almost threw up though i actively tried to ignore it at the time
Lan Wangji: your face is very red, what is wrong
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Wwx: *trying to flirt*
Wwx: Can you help me? I’m lost.
Lwj: Mn.
Wwx: Could you tell me where the road to your heart is?
Lwj: Shouldn’t Wei Ying know that already? Wei Ying was the one who paved it.
Wwx: *is flustered* *blushing intensifies*
//When you’re a flirt but he’s also a flirt//
(Insp.)
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Lan Wangji: Jiang Wanyin, I’m asking permission to marry your brother.
Jiang Cheng: What is this, the dark ages? Since you asked, no you can’t. Beat me in a duel first.
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Lan Xichen: Do you mind if I slyly mention that you’re single?
Lan Wangji: Do not do that.
Lan Xichen: You won’t even notice!
Wei Wuxian, entering: Zewu-Jun, you wanted to see me again?
Lan Xichen: Wangji's single
Lan Wangji:
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Wei Ying: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles.
Lan Zhan: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one?
Wei Ying: Seize the dick.
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Wei Wuxian in episode 2: Lmao, some guy’s idiot nephew is running his mouth about to get his ass kicked
Wei Wuxian, moments later: Oh no, that’s MY idiot nephew running his mouth about to get his ass kicked
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say it louder hanguang jun 🙏
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Nie Huaisang: I'm gonna need a human skull and you can't ask any questions.
Wei Wuxian: Only if you also don't ask why.
Wei Wuxian: *pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick.
Nie Huaisang: ...
Wei Wuxian: ...
Nie Huaisang: This one is fine.
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wei wuxian: *on the boat in Caiyi Town* of course i know how to talk to girls, i can make any girl fall in love with me! watch this-
wei wuxian: *pointing at lan wangji* LADIES, ISN’T HE PRETTY? HANDSOME?? OTHERWORDLY???
ladies: so handsome!!!
wei wuxian: IS HE NOT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS IMMACULATE MALE SPECIMEN YOU’VE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE?
ladies: yeeaah…! i guess?
wei wuxian: WOULDN’T YOU PURPOSELY BREAK ALL 3,000 LAN SECT RULES JUST TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM? TO STARE AT HIS FACE FOR HOURS?? TO GET PUNISHED BY HIM???
ladies: …………
wei wuxian: WOULD YOU DRAW HIS PORTRAIT AND SHOW HIM YOUR COLLECTION OF GAY POR-
jiang cheng: *pushes him off the boat*
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Jiang Cheng: Are you in love with Lan Wangji?
Wei Wuxian: No. Why do you ask?
Jiang Cheng: Why else would there be "LZ+WY" in hearts everywhere?
Wei Wuxian: I just like the way those letters look together.
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Lan Wangji: why are you touching me
Wei Wuxian: i am? five feet away from you??
Lan Wangji: i can feel your presence. begone
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