#sorry this one took a while i drafted this like 6 times 👍 still not completely happy with my answer but whatever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

holidaywishes · 3 years

Text

this is now...

Requested: 👍

Summary/Request: (Y/N) and Freddie meet up after nearly 6 years of not seeing each other

Warning: angst, fluff

Author’s Note: 😫 y’all I have no words. I think I got this to be what I had at first but I deleted the original draft so I’m sorry if the ending, specifically, isn’t great. I’m just so mad and annoyed at myself. Anyway, this is the second part to the request I got from @kayleafs221 (that was then...) I hope it’s still good and that it gives the right kind of feels! I think I might have gone the opposite direction than originally requested but, in all honesty, the angst that I was feeling just called for this, so Enjoy! Stay Golden, Loves! ❤️

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You had made it nearly six years without thinking of Frederik Andersen. No thoughts, no tears, no heartbreak in nearly six years but the two years of heartache came rushing back when you saw his name flash on your phone screen

@frederikandersen31: hi

You scoffed at the one worded message the Danish goaltender sent you. You couldn’t think of what to say back; do you tell him that your heart was broken? Do you tell him that you missed him everyday for the last seven and a half years? Do you not say anything and pretend like you’ve forgotten who he is? Do you say you regret not telling him you loved him 6 years ago? Why was this so hard? you thought to yourself, laying your head softly against the wall. As you wandered around your apartment, stopping in front of Jackson’s room, you knew you had to say something but all that came to mind was

@(Y/I/H): hi 😊

Those three characters were all you could think to write, all you could manage to say, and even still that response took you two hours to send. You bit your fingernail as you waited for him to respond, hoping that the smiley was enough to invite a conversation but you also didn’t want to let his dm-ing you go unnoticed

@(Y/I/H): I didn’t think I’d ever hear from you again

You teased, biting your nail again as you made your way back down the hallway and slumping onto your couch, tossing your phone beside you and leaning back against the soft cushion until you heard the telltale ding of a notification

@frederikandersen31: we should meet up

Those four words sent your heart racing into overdrive and you knew why he wanted to meet up. You knew that he scrolled through your feed and saw all those pictures of you and Jackson. You knew that he had questions. You would if you were him and you owed him the truth but seeing him again was a fate you weren’t sure you were ready for. After telling him that you’d be in Toronto the following week to visit your cousin, the two of you set up a date to meet and you spent the next week flustered as you anticipated your meeting.

“Don’t worry so much” your cousin laughed

“I haven’t seen him in six years” you said

“Lie,” she chuckled and you furrowed your brow, “you’re constantly scrolling through his Insta”

“Not constantly,” you corrected, “I’ve peeked, yes, but so has everyone. He’s a public figure”

“He’s also the one that got away...” she added

“He’s the one who didn’t stay in touch” you argued and she shook her head

“(Y/N), you could’ve kept in touch but you didn’t,” she sighed, “it goes both ways”

“I had other things going on...” you gestured to Jackson who was playing with the LEGO set your cousin had gotten for him

“Not right away...”

“Pretty damn early on”

“Are you gonna tell him?”

“I don’t see how I can’t. I know he’s seen the pictures that I posted... he would’ve had to when he dm’d me”

“How do you think he’s going to take it?” you shrugged, noticing the time and rushing out the door. When you got to the coffee shop where Freddie told you to meet him, you scanned the room for a place to sit when you couldn’t find Freddie. You fidgeted with your fingers while you waited for the man that you had been in love with so many years ago, picking at the skin around your nails before someone came to take your order.

“Can I just get a water for my guest and I’ll take a chocolate chip muffin?” you asked with a smile before you noticed Freddie walk in, clad in a grey suit and a black tie. You felt your mouth gape slightly as he made his way to you, it felt like he was in slow motion and you couldn’t believe how good he looked

“(Y/N)?” he smiled and you clumsily stood up to give him a hug

“Hi” you greeted, squeezing him tightly before finally letting go

“You look great” he exclaimed, placing his strong hands on your arms gently before he sat down

“Me?” you questioned, a small chuckle escaping your lips, “Freddie, you look... wow!”

“Thanks” he blushed

“I do feel under dressed” you said

“Oh, sorry,” he smiled and suddenly all your memories came flooding back of the two of you together, leaning your elbow on the table and placing your head on your hand to listen to him speak, “I have a game tonight and I have to be at the arena in an hour. I just really wanted to see you”

“Oh..” you furrowed your brow as you shook yourself back to reality, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to rush... I don’t want to stress you out”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he smiled, reaching his hand across the table, “you’re not going to stress me out. Let’s just catch up, okay? Tell me about you, what have you been up to all these years?”

“I’ve been good. Got my degree, started travelling here and there. I finally made it to Italy like I always talked about,” you smiled, “I’ve got a great job and a great place. Everything’s good...”

“Sounds like it” he smirked

“Yeah and what about you?” you asked, “I’ve been following your career and you seem like you’re doing well”

“Yeah, I mean..” he stumbled, “there’s been some rough parts but I really like it here and I like my teammates, so I’m happy” your face softened when you noticed his face fall

“What’s goin’ on Fred?” you sighed, pulling your arm from the table and letting it rest on your lap, noticing his own hand retreat from your touch

“What?” he asked quickly, almost defensively, “nothing..”

“Really?” you raised your eyebrows and he nodded, so you attempted to learn more about him, “Have you been seeing anyone?”

“Like dating?” he scoffed, “no. I mean.. there’s been girls, of course”

“Of course” you smirked

“But no relationships” he said and you pursed your lips while you waited for him to say something else. “Are you? Seeing anyone?”

“No” you said, “I’ve been focusing on my son. Being a mom is not necessarily great for my dating life” after you mentioned Jackson, Freddie seemed to focus on it

“Tell me about your son. What’s his name? How old is he? What’s he like?” you smirked when he finally got to what you thought he was there to talk about

“Jackson,” you smiled when your son’s face came to your mind, knowing that he was the only thing that mattered to you now, cooing as you continued to talk about him, “he’s such a happy kid. Always smiling, every day. Always in a good mood, no matter what, you know?”

“Sounds like someone I know” Freddie teased and you felt your breath hitch in your throat when you caught his eyes glimmering as he looked at you

“Yeah, I’ve tried to raise him that way. With a smile and a bright outlook,” you giggled, “he’s so smart, too. Doesn’t get that from me, that’s for sure, but he is. I mean, I know all parents say their kids are smart so maybe I’m just one those parents...” you scoffed at your own confession

“I’m sure he’s a child genius” Fred joked

“He must be,” you replied, “he’s also loving sports right now. Baseball, Basketball...”

“Hockey?” he asked hopefully

“I haven’t quite gotten him on the ice yet,” you confessed, “but he’s been learning to surf!”

“Really?” he said in surprise and you nodded excitedly

“Oh he loves the water. He loves to swim, surf, I take him out kayaking every once in a while and he loves it every time. I swear he’s more fish than boy” he laughed

“How old is he?” he finally asked and you bit your lip in return. There it was. The question that you weren’t entirely sure how to answer. The question you knew he wanted to ask because you knew what Jackson’s age would mean to Freddie

“He’s 5” you answered quietly

“5, right...” he replied, falling back into his chair and you did the same

“Fred...” you tried but he put up his hands

“Let’s not do this here, now” he seethed

“Why not?” you asked, furrowing your brow, “we’re adults. We’re here to talk...”

“I don’t wanna cause a scene”

“Cause a scene?” you shook your head, “have you ever known me to be the ‘scene causing’ type?”

“(Y/N), just not here...”

“Then where Freddie? When? I’m only here for the weekend and you’re a busy guy. You wanna talk about everything, great! But I can’t wait around for you to decide when the best time for you to talk is” you saw his jaw clench before he told you to follow him to the arena, which you did but you weren’t sure how that also wouldn’t cause a scene because it was still a public place. When you pulled into the underground parking garage, you watched Freddie storm out of his car and walk toward you

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?” he yelled as you stepped out of your car

“Calm down!” you shouted back at him

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!” he repeated and you had to drop your head while he yelled your frustrations at you, “IT’S BEEN SIX YEARS! SIX YEARS SINCE I LAST SAW YOU, SPOKE TO YOU, THIS IS A BIG FUCKING DEAL (Y/N), WHY DIDN’T I KNOW?!”

“WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?” you shouted, stepping closer to him, “you said you didn’t want to cause a scene but this seems like a pretty big scene to me and you’re the one causing it”

“I’M ANGRY!” he continued

“This isn’t all on me, Freddie,” you tried to calm him down but it didn’t seem to work because your anger was starting to creep up, “you didn’t try to contact me. I waited and waited and I never heard from you so I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me or get in touch with me so I let you be”

“IT’S NOT ABOUT THAT AND YOU KNOW IT!”

“THEN WHAT IS IT ABOUT?”

“YOU HAVE A FIVE YEAR OLD SON (Y/N)!!”

“HE’S NOT YOURS!” you blurted out, watching his face fall as he stumbled away from you. It wasn’t how you wanted to say it but you didn’t want him to be angry thinking that you’d kept his son from him for 5 years.

“What?” he stuttered

“Jackson isn’t your son, Freddie”

“But he’s 5... that night on the beach. The night I got traded...”

“He only just turned 5,” you admitted, walking toward him but he kept his distance, “when you left, I was heartbroken. I wanted to let you settle in and I thought it would be like it was in Anaheim. But when I didn’t hear from you, I was miserable”

“What does that mean?” he tried, his face red as he continued to keep space between you

“My friends took me out, I got drunk. Very, very drunk. A guy bought me a drink, we flirted, I went home with him. I barely remember his name but I got pregnant. I wasn’t sure what to do and I didn’t have a lot of time to figure it out,” you explained, “I wanted kids, I just never pictured it would be like that but that’s how it was happening and now I have Jackson. He is the best part of my life. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything. I can’t imagine him not being mine...”

“Fine,” he whispered, “but once you were pregnant or once you had Jackson, did you not think I would find out? Did you not think that I would think that he was mine?”

“Honestly, Fred,” you sighed, “I didn’t think you’d find out because you weren’t talking to me. I didn’t think you’d... do the math”

“Because I’m dumb?”

“That’s not what I said” you argued

“But that’s what you think?”

“No, it’s not. Stop it,” you almost snapped, “I had one night where I made a decision that wound up with me having this wonderful child in my life. I had no intention of causing you harm or purposely not telling you. I wanted you to be happy, even if that meant our relationship had to be completely forgotten and we had to move on from each other, but I never stopped loving you” he finally stepped closer to you and you felt your heart beat faster. “But I was hurt, Freddie”

“I wanted to reach out...” he said, “so many times. I just didn’t know how and then so much time passed that it seemed like it wouldn’t be the same”

“It wouldn’t have been the same,” you admitted, laying a hand on his cheek to comfort him, “but we could’ve had something new”

“So why don’t we try it now?” he asked, his eyes brightening at the idea and you scrunched your eyebrows together, contorting your face from love to sympathy

“We can’t” you whispered

“Why not?”

“Freddie.. your life is so stressful and busy and you’re gone all the time,” you replied, “I can’t put Jackson in that kind of life. It’s too stressful for a kid”

“There’s support” he tried and you could see his eyes well with tears as he tried to keep you close

“Our life is in California. He’s comfortable there, he’s got friends there, he likes his school and he loves the ocean... I can’t take him away from all of that” he slumped against your car as he listened to your reasoning. “Please don’t be upset, I’m sorry that you had to find out this way but I’m glad you know now”

“I’ll have to meet him sometime” he said with a smile

“I would love that,” you cooed, “Jackson would love that. You two would get along so well”

“Let’s make that happen then” he pressed his lips together in a tight smile

“For real this time” you laughed and he nodded. He stayed leaning against your car for a while before deciding he needed to go and get ready, his eyes looking into yours as if he was desperately trying to find a way to get you to stay a little longer. His hands crept to your waist, pulling you in so your lips nearly crashed into his and you had to place your hands on his chest to steady yourself. You found your hand roaming across his chest over his suit jacket, taking in his strength before he pulled you closer, your chest pressing against his as your breathing became shallow. You finally let your lips connect with his while your hands pulled on the shoulders of his jacket and his hands squeezed your waist

“I really have to go” he breathed when he finally broke the kiss

“Me too...” you said between pants, hugging him goodbye before he got too far away. He kissed your cheek, pushing himself off the side of your car and walked toward the entrance, “Freddie,” you called, turning around to see him smiling at you, “I love you... I never got to say it all those years ago but I do. I did then, I do now and I just wanted to say it before it was too late”

“I love you, too. Now and then, tomorrow and forever” you smiled at his words, feeling your eyes brim with tears as you watched him walk away. It felt like it did all those years ago but there was a sense of hope with it as well; it truly felt like something could grow between the two of you again and you could finally have Freddie back in your life.

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