#sorry that my art that I've spent years of hating myself over to perfect is so fucking worthless to you that you feel insulted!!!

[theladygazingatemptiness]

like I’m literally the only one of your fucking children who's on unambiguously good terms with you despite all of the shit you put me through as a child (that I’m sure you either conveniently ~don’t remember~ even though I know that you could write a detailed novel about every time I’ve ever fucked up or you Don’t Think Was Bad) and I was literally the only one of us who’s consistently shown you support and kindness during the past ten years and ever since you’ve moved in with us (because YOU couldn’t afford to pay rent) I’ve been nothing but understanding and I haven’t protested or complained Once about it and have ensured you multiple times that you aren’t being invasive and etc and I’m the Only One Of Us who kept in touch with you and told you good night while you were in the hospital and when my sister was being verbally abusive to you I gave you a fucking shoulder to cry on every single time and denounced her over and over again and not to mention I was literally The Only One Of Us who willingly volunteered to go on a special boat cruise with you on your 50th birthday (despite the fact that being away from home overnight makes me anxious and you Know it does) but yeah you go ahead and just keep on ignoring that and fixating on everything I’m Not doing right and telling me how I Don’t Actually Love You (and don’t say that you never said that shit because that’s all “You’re Not Giving Me The Love I Give You” could possibly mean.) And How Miserable I Make You (and don’t say you didn’t say that shit either!!) or w/e and keep on lumping me in with someone who literally threatened you and called you a broke bitch and a hoe!!!! whatever fucking makes you feel better!!!!!!

#wak #negative / #vent / #and no the problem isn't you telling me to get a job and etc because You're 100% Right And I Fully Agree With You!!! #For My Own Sake Yes I Do Need To Learn How To Pay All My Bills!!! #And I Do Need To Make Consistent Income!!!! #And I Do Need To Not Be Complete Dependent On My Family!!! #You're 100% Right!!!!! #No The problem is when you undermine literally Everything I've ever done for you!! #the problem is when you claim you were 'hurt' bc I drew you something for Mother's Day and didn't buy you Fancy Shoes or w/e tf you wanted #sorry that my art that I've spent years of hating myself over to perfect is so fucking worthless to you that you feel insulted!!! #the problem is when you group me in with someone who literally verbally attacked you bc I don't have a job atm!!! #the problem is when you take something really fucking minor and turn it into this huge attack on you #aside from not being as far in life as you Think I should be #I did Nothing to you!!!! #Literally Nothing!!!!! #but that's ok #bc when I Do get to the point of being able to live fully independently #and I cut your ass off permanently #YOU'RE going to be the one crying and sniveling over it #not me!!!! #so go ahead and keep pulling this bullshit!!!!!! #not about anyone online #obviously lmao #again. ignore this shit #delete later

[hollisartsblog]

Sorry for the long post, I just felt like I needed to get it out, if you want to read I'd be happy, if not, it's okay!

reading for the first time after almost 5 years what I used to write and think about late at night, and now I feel like doing it again, trying to find the right words.

I wanna talk about being in the moment as an artist, appreciating what you do, and not giving a fuck. (and loving ur young self)

I spent my teenage years drawing and posting here, so I had a lot to read tonight and to think about.

have u ever experienced that strange feeling, where you are like "wow. I was actually so beautiful and smart, who could have ever hated me?"

I was a completely different person, and maybe I miss that little girl, and maybe I hate her even a little. now, I'm not here to talk like I'm in a psychoanalyst's deckchair, of course. but I'm here, to resume the beautiful, however embarrassing in my opinion, habit of writing my most intimate thoughts (shareable, of course) that cross my mind at night, because maybe they can help someone, because we are never alone. just as they helped you years ago, just as it has helped me re-reading them now after all this time. I've had some crazy years. I was young, I was passionate and genuinely free to do whatever I wanted. I had friends, I had just sold a self-published book, I had "fans", I was "successful", I had good grades, I had a girlfriend, yet I wasn't happy. I know it sounds like the usual sweet story about happiness and self-satisfaction, but I don't think so (and even if it was, well, here we are ;) ) I didn't realize how necessary EVERYTHING that was happening to me was.

artists have a huge difficulty accepting that sometimes we have to look inside and accept that we have to constantly learn, instead we are always in a hurry to be perfect, to get likes, to earn, but that's not how it goes. I was literally 16 and already thinking about this, thinking I must be good enough to please everyone.

spoiler: you can never do that.

as I said years ago, our eyes are not the right eyes to judge us.

appreciate the compliments, don't dismiss them with an embarrassed smile. appreciate the effort and hours put into a work even if it is bad for you. hug your self when after a bad day you still have the courage to do what you love. being an artist is beautiful, but a huge burden, especially for us. remember that when our insecurities take over, we are not lucid.

yes, that drawing u posted that got 8 likes made 8 people feel something. how amazing is that?

yes, it will be fine, that text you wrote will be something new in someone's eyes, it won't be something read and re-read to make it perfect. you will amaze and make someone fall in love with what u did.

internet is an amazing place, and sometimes it's not. I got myself into a really bad place because I was too immature and too impatient to immediately be the artist I always felt I was, but NO ONE is after you with a clock ticking away time.

you really think someone care about how much time does it take you to get to your goal? why should it matter? I'm not going to list every single successful person who actually made it and tell you "look! they were poor now they are rich, so u can do it!". i'm telling you to always love the process; I would've punched myself in the face, I hated when adults told me this phrase, but it's true: everything pass. you are not gonna be like this forever. you are gonna love what you do one day, and love life because life takes but gives.

(tw: mental health) I spent years between psychologists and suicidal thoughts, I was never enough, and my art not only made me feel miserable, but it was one of the first reason I fell into depression. it always reminded me how plain, boring, and uninspired I was.

there was never anything that was right in what I did, every comment and every ask you sent me had no weight for me, they meant nothing because I didn't I believed in myself, yet I should have tasted it. now I reread them crying, not believing what I read. I was talented, man, I was full of ideas, I was amazing. I lost that spark, because of fear, of waiting for the right moment. i sabotaged myself because i was afraid of judgement, of pressure, when i had love around me, everywhere.

now I'm in Florence, far from home, studying in a private academy of animation and digital art. would I ever have thought that? absolutely no. I deserve it? Yes. because I, like you artists, have grown, we have learned, and I'll tell you this once and for all: do not give up. things are really getting better. now I'm not saying that because I magically healed and I love my art all of the sudden (unfortunately, I still really struggle) but please don't look at likes, followers. you're good, just because you love what you do, literally that's all that matters. I took a long break, now 2 years, because, as much as I didn't want to admit it, I was starting to hate what I was doing, it had become an obligation, a simple circle to mark before going to sleep on the to-do list. to alone.

16 years old. and it wasn't right.

love what you do, take breaks, post without checking a thousand times, show your work, accept compliments. you have created something, and that is enough.

look at you past as an amazing book you just read, the satisfaction coming from all the pages you already read and learnt from, now you are a different person thanks to them. look at you future with the same excitement when you still have a lot of those pages to read.

#hollis' thoughts at night #artist rant #love is everywhere #good omens #thank you so much for how much i learnt from you and your support

[nad-zeta]

Hi, hi! I'm not following you for long, but I already love here! ♡ Can I ask a HC? Suddenly, I've been thinking about Yukimura, Ieyasu and Mitsunari, more specifically their lack of experience with women. I believe they've never been with a woman before MC, because of reasons (two tsunderes and too focused on work, respectively). So I'd like to ask for their first time with MC, if that's ok. Maybe forget they did it in their route? Sorry if I wasn't very clear, English is not my native language♡

Hehehe, thank you so much for the request, love! I could feel myself blushing the entire time while writing this lolz. I had to ask my brother what it’s like for a boy’s first time, so yeah, that was a strange conversation. Anyways here you go love, I hope you enjoy it!

It’s noting to NSFW but lolz I don’t know, I guess I would rate this read at own discretion lol PG13 

First Time HC with Yukimura, Mitsunari, Ieyasu 

Yukimura

So its no secret this boy has like 0 woman communication skill, he has basically spent most of his life training and fighting battles

But that all changed when he met you

You were the first woman he has ever been in a relationship with or even loved for that matter

Your relationship with this boy officially started when he kissed you on new years eve while the fireworks were going off

That was the first time he had ever kissed well anyone in his life, and after he thought darn why haven’t I done this before its great.

The two of you were starting to get really serious and you have been dropping hints like mad to take your relationship to the next level.

Yukimura knew you were dropping hints and during you intimate cuddle sessions he would always look for an excuse to delay doing THAT

Lol it was time to get some expert advice

He went to Shingen bright red, and before even opening his mouth, Shingen knew what was up

“So my little boy has finally decided to become a man, I’m so proud” Shingen said as he used his hand towel to dab the fake tears in the corner of his eyes

“I knew this was a bad idea,” before Yuki could leave Shingen grabbed his shoulder and sat him down

By the time Shingen was done with his explanation this poor boy was so red, and he felt like he was going to melt in a puddle of embarrassment

He left Shigens room in a daze, Sasuke saw his friend and instantly knew what had just gone down.

It was now Sasuke’s turn to impart knowledge, halfway through the explanation Kenshin walked into the room. Lol even he had some words of advice for Yuki. “Wait, but I thought you hated women.” To that Kenshin simply rolled his eyes and left giving one last final piece of advice

Today was the day, Yuki was 100% determined

The two of you are laying together in bed as you’ve done a 100 times before

Yukimura is overwhelmed with the overload of the advice and you can definitely tell something is up

You peer into his eyes asking him what is wrong

He covers his face with a pillow muttering into it that it’s his first time and he is a bit nervous

You take the pillow off his face and gaze into his amber eyes reassuring him, you now were also a blushy mess cause it was your first time too

Yuki immediately propped himself up on one arm and looked at you a little shook, “wait, really.” “yeah dummy so let’s figure this out of together okay”

He smiled and nodded

There was a lot of fumbling and awkwardness at first and both of your faces were red AF

In the beginning, there was lots of laughing at how nervous both of you were

Yuki kissed and touched you softly, loving and unhurried.

Each touch was tender and warm

As nervous as the two of you were, you wanted to take your time and make the experience last, taking your time exploring, touching and loving one another

Yukimura moves slow and lovingly, making sure you are comfortable and okay the whole time

His face will be close to you’re the whole time, either resting his forehead on your or kissing you, cause it is his first time he wants to take in your beautiful face and perfect body. 

He honestly can’t help but get lost in your beautiful eyes

This boy worships your body thanx to all daddy Shingen’s advice

Loves your soft moans, it definitely gives him the confidence he needs to keep going

The whole affair is very awkward, loving and gentle

Once he has reached his orgasm, he will keep going until you reach yours, Shingen didn’t raise no selfish boy

When both of you are tired and spent from the hours of lovemaking, he will clean you up and give you some tea or water. Will cuddle and snuggle the shit out of you whispering how much he loves you (Thanks to Kenshin’s softie boy advice). Watches you fall asleep while stroking your hair. Will fall asleep while hugging think about just how much he adores you

Mitsunari

The two of you have been together now for quite some time

Mitsunari has definitely been feeling an unknown feeling lately when the two of you are cuddling together

The poor little angel is so confused about what is going on with his body

Will go talk to Hideyoshi about it, and Hideyoshi will basically give him a crash course about everything he would need to know. 

Mitsunari still feels like there is more to be learned on this subject at hand

And what does Mitsunari do when he knows limited knowledge about a subject, jip research

Basically becomes a sex scholar now, he will learn everything and anything he can, even consulting some of his warlord friends

When the two of you are cuddling while reading together as you’ve done many nights before, he can’t help but start kissing your soft skin

He looks all cool and calm on the outside, but this boy be nervous

You look up into his Amathist eyes and see something you haven’t yet seen, desire.

This ain’t your first rodeo, and you have been waiting for the moment that Mitsunari would want to get a bit more intimate.

Mitsunari confessed to you that it was his first time, you reassure him by telling him, you will teach him everything you know

He starts by running his fingertips along your body, just savoring the the feeling of your soft skin

Mitsunari wants to take his time getting to know your body and finding all those spots that would bring you immense pleasure

He will kiss every inch of your body until his lips feel numb

He wants you to convey just how much he loves you through the gentle touches and kisses

Will spend most of his time pleasuring you, he has discovered that he LOVES eating you out!

Who knew this angel could be so naughty

This boy has discovered the art of teasing, will find each of your sweet spots and exploit them

He wants to feel you shiver beneath him, he loves you so much and wants to know that you want him as much as he wants you

This angel boy will legit give you his most innocent angelic smile while teasing the shit out of you- seems like he consulted with Mitsuhide

His actions are slow, soft, gentle and teasing

He is making love instead of merely just having sex

Will whisper the sweetest things in your ears the whole time

Will give you constant compliments, as well as ask you if you would like him to do anything, he will follow each one of your instructions to a T

Will gently clean you up afterward, he is really attentive and super sweet afterward, He just wants to love and hold you.  Angel boy will be pressing soft kisses into your hair, while spooning you from behind. He might even read you a sweet story to lull you into sweet dreams

Ieyasu

This tsundere boy has never found anyone who could love his fluffy contrary ways, until he met you

Gosh he loves you so so much

One day you went to his palace to visit him, the two of you had been in a relationship for a super long time now.

You guys were just chilling and having tea when all of a sudden it started raining

It was getting pretty late, and as the day progressed it seemed to get colder

Ieyasu went to light the fireplace and sat next to you wrapping a warm blankie around the two of you

Honestly, he has wanted to go down on you and is constantly desiring you, he is just super good at hiding it but now thanks to the rain, the mood and atmosphere was perfect

He doesn’t waste a moment he immediately reaches for you and starts kissing you softly, slowly moving down your neck

He picks you up and gently put you down on his futon, he is looking at you questioningly, you nod and give him the go-ahead.

The rain creates the perfect dim lighting

He hovers over you for a few moments just taking in your pure beauty

He will take his time enjoying the feeling of your soft skin under his calloused palms

Ieyasu is a fast learner even though it is his first time he will gently kiss and touch you all over finding all those little spots that makes you moan and scream out his name.

 After a while, he will know exactly which spot to nibble or touch to make you shudder

This boy loves kisses and will legit kiss every inch of your beautifully soft skin, he might just leave a few love bites in its wake

He will move slow, soft and lovingly, every kiss and touch will be gentle and feather-light  telling you exactly just how much he loves you and how much you mean to him

The boy is very vocal

Every moment is filled with sweet whispers, of him telling you how breathtaking you are, how much he loves you and how perfect you are

Softi boy will make sure both of you are completely satisfied

He loves touching your face and staring into your beautiful eyes

Afterward, he will clean you up and spoon you from behind, while drawing soft circles on your bare skin for hours. You are the only one he will show weakness to. He will whisper to you afterward that you were actually his first, poor boy will be blushing the whole time. Aftercare with Ieyasu will consist of the sweetest softest snuggles, soft words, and sweet endearments

I hope ya enjoyed it, love! ❤❤🔥🥰

#headcanons #ikemen sengoku headcanons #ikesen headcanons #ikesen headcanon #headcanon ikemen #ikesen hc #ieyasu tokugawa #ikemen ieyasu #tokugawa ieyasu #mitsuhide akechi #ikesen mitsunari #mitsunari ishida #ishida mitsunari #ikesen yukimura #yukimura sanada #sanada yukimura