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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1040

survey by amandahudson48

When's the last time you said you were sorry? Maybe last Friday or yesterday? I haven’t been replying to Andi because I was in a slump, then when I was finally able to get back to them I made sure to apologize first and explain why it took me a while to respond.

Have you done anything interesting in the last week? I got to dine in at a restaurant again after nine months last Monday, and I brought my parents to treat them as well. The three of us had ramen, then I also treated them to frozen yogurt after. It felt nice to be out, but we also headed to a mall Gab and I used to regularly go to so everything ended up being too difficult to process and I was fighting tears the whole time at the ramen place.

Are there any songs you listen to everyday? I don’t think so. There have been a lot of days where I’ve avoided music altogether.

What do you consider a waste of time? Having to manually go to a government office nowhere near your house to queue for an ID or document when it could be done digitally, but you can’t and have no choice anyway because the agency’s website isn’t even working. In short, welcome to the Philippines where the government can steal billions but can’t maintain their own damn websites.

How do you react to stress? I tend to have a shorter fuse around people. So that I don’t accidentally lash out on anyone, I’ll bring myself to work on autopilot until I get a task done. If I find time to myself, I cry in private for a few minutes because stress sucks; then I try to dust myself off and get back to working.

Have you ever considered what you would do in certain life/death sitches? Sometimes. My game plan for the most part is to simply scream at the top of my lungs to rouse attention, but I’ll never really know what I’ll do unless something actually takes place. I have a track record of being scared frozen when scary men have approached me in the past, so idk if I will have it in me to scream in a life or death situation.

Have you ever gone mud riding? No. Photos don’t look too appealing mostly because I’m not into vehicles and driving them on unconventional terrain lol, but I mean I would still give it a shot at least once.

Do you edit your photos? Just sometimes, if I mean to show off or promote someone/something to my mutuals; like the time I promoted my uncle’s business when he gave me a free cheesecake. I usually use the VSCO or Foodie apps.

What kind of cookie do you like the most? Chocolate chip cookies that are crispy on the outside and gooey inside; and dark chocolate macadamia cookies.

Do you enjoy working alone? Sure, though I don’t mind the occasional groupwork.

Is there anyone you're not over and feel like you never will be? Yes, I’m in exactly the same place I found myself at five years ago.

Do you like long or short surveys? Medium-length, so like anywhere between 40-70 questions is the perfect length for me.

How often do you listen to your iPod? I used to listen to it everyday because I brought it with me throughout middle school and the first half of high school. When iPods slowly went out of style in junior year, I started using it less frequently.

What kind of house do you want? Something modern and minimalist; I’d like it to be predominantly rectangular or square in shape with large windows. I do also want a brutalist style for myself but I might have to give that up if I ever end up with a family, as I don’t want my kids thinking their own home looks aloof and unapproachable.

Would you like living on the coast? It sounds like paradise. Yeah, absolutely.

What song was the last you listened to? To Let A Good Thing Die - Bruno Major. Then I got really sad and had to stop listening to music altogether and scramble to watch something hilarious on YouTube.

When's the last time you were really late to something? Last week, for a meeting with a client :/ I wasn’t accustomed to my weekly calls just yet and ended up attending a 4:30-5 PM meeting at 4:57, right when it was ending, because I thought it started at 5. It was embarrassing and my manager was rightfully jokingly mad at me.

Do you prefer to take back roads or the highways? Highways as much as possible, but if I’m stuck in traffic and if it looks like I wouldn’t be able to get to my destination on time then I ask Waze to guide me through backroads.

How do you spell your name without consonants? Rbyn or Rbn, depending on what you consider y to be.

What's the last movie you watched? Uhhh it was still That Thing Called Tadhana but it’s been a while. I mainly watch a Korean drama titled Start Up these days.

What would you like your generation to change? The people society votes into office. Young Americans seem to be leading the charge on this front, which is so so great. Meanwhile in my country Manny Pacquiao is planning for his 2022 presidential campaign and we are once again fucked because voter’s literacy is so fucking low that I actually see a possibility of him winning. Migrating has never sounded more attractive.

Do you use your cell phone a lot? Yeah, it’s beside me with the screen turned on nearly the entire day.

When's the last time you saw an ocean wave? Not sure about an ocean wave, but the last time I saw a wave in general (we were at a beach) was August 2019.

How long can you hold your breath? Maybe a minute max? I haven’t had to try in a while.

Would you rather work behind the scenes or be the star? Behind the scenes. I loathe the spotlight and I’ve never been the performing type, and I always hated it whenever I’ve had to perform in school or for a family function. It’s also why, as fun as hosting looks like as a career, and as much as I know I would’ve been decent in it if I tried, it was just ultimately never the path for me.

Are you a sore loser? Yeah, I hate it. I’m competitive to the bone, which personally sucks too because it’s hard for me to enjoy games lol. I make it easier for the playing crowd by just watching at the sidelines so that I don’t ruin things for them.

When's the last time you used a pair of scissors? Yesterday when I was doing embroidery.

What was the last word you thought? I mean...’embroidery,’ I guess, since I typed it last before reading this question.

Is it easy to make you angry? It takes me a while to explode.

Have you wondered if other people wonder what you’re thinking? No.

Do you sing a lot? When I’m alone and am certain no one can hear, yes.

Do you think you have an addictive personality? Uh no, not really. I like keeping a certain distance with everyone I interact with. As nice as I can be, I try to make sure my personality isn’t the type that would ~leave people wanting more~ so to speak.

Which affects us more: our genes or the environment in which we're raised? For me, it’s the environment. Genes are strong too, but they’re already there; they’re given, they’re constant, they’re wired into each person. The fact that people can still be constantly affected depending on what kind of situation they’re in says much about the capabilities of being raised in a certain environment. For instance, I know for sure I would’ve ended up being more emotionally stable if I was provided with a healthier, gentler upbringing.

Why do you believe that? Oops, I may have already answered it above.

Honestly, do you enjoy arguing? Nah. Watching others do it can be fun, but I avoid them myself.

Do you prefer to use tape or glue? Tape. More secure.

Do you see routine as a comfort or a rut? Comfort. I do like bursts of spontaneity every now and then, though.

When's the last time you cried? Last night. I wanted to this morning, but I already did so much heavy crying last night that I just gave myself a break today.

Do you believe that love can get you through anything? No. I know that now.

What do you wish you had more of? Money is always a good answer. Also, weekends.

If you HAD to change one thing about your best friend, what would it be? I wish Angela lived nearer, so that it’s easier to visit. I wish Gabie wasn’t so selfish.

Have you ever gone to sleep mad? It’s harder that way, lol. But I mean yeah I guess I’ve felt angry while trying to go to bed; it’s just that I usually use certain outlets so that I could calm down and fall asleep more easily.

Do you like your computer? I love it. Even though it’s an older Macbook Air I have no plans to replace it; it’s still so low-maintenance and reliable after all this time.

Which theory do you wish but perhaps not believe was true about afterlife? This is a good question and something I always wish was verbalized more. For me, it’s the idea of reuniting with all your deceased family, friends, and pets in death. That has always given me comfort, but I don’t necessarily cling to it.

Is there anyone that you truly could not live without? I can think of one such person, but we’ll see if it holds true.

#survey #surveys

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rosefromc0ncret3 · 3 years

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lights will guide you home.

ive said this many times before but I truly feel like no one will ever understand me. or its just I regret ever saying anything out loud every time I do vent. like im constantly thinking so hard about what I say. or just caring too much about how its gonna be received. I feel like I just never know what I want anymore. or how things are gonna be. and it drives me fucken insane. I feel like I really dont know who I am anymore and I just question everything on if im doing the right thing or not. things have just been really uncomfortable lately and I dont know how to handle or express myself. I also just been questioning a lot of people in my life which makes me feel uncomfortable too. but maybe this is just what happens as you grow up and there's just a lot going on in my life. sometimes, or well.. most of the time, I find myself not getting the support I need from others. or I just feel like no one will really understand where im coming from anyway or if they're gonna even feel me so I just keep it to myself. which also isn't the best coping mechanism but maybe thats why I just journal here lol. ive just been really selective with my energy and I think when I confide in people that I used to always talk to, I just expect the same results again but I also know with all of us growing up and transitioning into adulthood.. this also means growing into different people. and maybe sometimes that means not being in each others lives anymore. sigh. it just really sucks. cuz I think before when this would happen, id just let it go. but now im not too sure. like it hurts more than anything. I also have just been finding myself really sensitive to things or just everything irritates me. and I think thats when I just need to take a step back and be by myself. ive been feeling kinda stagnant at work and I dont rly know what to do. I have a lot going on in terms of school, and its not to say that my job is toxic.. I just feel like im just there. or im not contributing much. and it makes me sad. yet really scared. and its hard when I feel like I need space from people I work with but its not like I can rly escape it. maybe its best if I just tell myself to take things with a grain of salt. or just tell myself that its just work and I dont have to carry everything with me. or just learning the art of rly letting things go. to find that inner peace for myself. sigh. its just hard. I know I want to serve my students the best way I know how and I think I do a pretty good job of being fully present with the kids. I think sometimes I just get so caught up in the small things with my job that my coworkers say or do and it just has the power to ruin my day. I guess when you're still a young professional, you're still working on how to separate and create those boundaries. I hope I'll learn how to better manage my emotions and just learn how to depend on myself. ive been saying this for so long now to not have my worth dependent on what other people think of me and my work. its just hard.. I feel like im so in my head most of the time and I create these scenarios that I think are so true. when when knows if thats even the case.. idk. its so hard to not believe whats in ur head sometimes. especially when you just bottle them up. idk, I feel like lately its just been hard to turn and have people to talk to. and actually understand you. and not give any judgment. and make you feel heard at the end of it too. I mean.. I guess there are some people that I can think about. and sometimes, it rly is quality over quantity. I think I just have a hard time accepting when things aren't the same anymore. but maybe things aren't supposed to be the same all the time. if it was, then maybe that would be concerning. sigh. I hate growing pains lmao. I dont hate them.. the word pain is literally in the phrase. I guess thats just how it is. sigh. I cant wait to look back one day and think “im glad things worked out the way that they did.” I suppose this is when I put my faith in the universe and divine timing. sigh. deep breath in. deep breath out.

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dykentery · 7 years

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answer them all idk how many there are but do 1-the end

hey now u can all blame david for this not me theres fuckin 100 of them fhjfghfgds

1-20: done!!

21. Are you in a good mood?nooo todays been a fuckin time i am STRESSED22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?honestly? yeah id love this

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?nah mine are blue his r green or hazel idr24. What do you want right this second?sleep im a sleepy bab25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?this is already a thing that happens n im 200% ok w it26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?sorta!!! i dyed my natural colour over some pink bits so its like 4-5 inches of roots and then 2-3 inches this weird red brown thats actually super ugly but im too lazy to fix it27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?honestly i think everyone makes me laugh so if someone doesnt make me laugh thats fuckin impressive28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?idk!!!29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?yah30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?nah31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?probably idk who it was but i hate boys in general32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?i have feelings for like 5 people but yeah one of them knows33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?i love soda but i dont drink it 2 often bc its sooo sweet34. Listening to?kesha :^)35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?tbh no i hate writing in pencil a lot BUT i do like drawing in it36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?yeah!37. Do you believe in love at first sight?not really38. Who did you last call?the lost dogs home lol39. Who was the last person you danced with?probably em? idk40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?bc i was saying goodbye and we wanted 2 kiss each other41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?god this had to have been years ago i hate cake esdfghfd42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?nope43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?uhhh im never not embarrassing44. Do you tan in the nude?;)

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?god no46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?i dont think so bc i remember saying goodnight to people47. Who was the last person to call you?the lost dogs home48. Do you sing in the shower?yes49. Do you dance in the car?yes50. Ever used a bow and arrow?at every primary school camp ever51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?god like 6 years ago maybe??52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?no i love them sdfgh53. Is Christmas stressful?yes but i love it

54. Ever eat a pierogi?dont even know what it is!!55. Favorite type of fruit pie?apple and rhubarb!!!56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?director or actor lmao57. Do you believe in ghosts?ghjgfdsfghjfgd idk leav me alone58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?god always59. Take a vitamin daily?listen i should but i dont60. Wear slippers?i hate slippers idk why61. Wear a bath robe?yes i love them theyre a blankety alternative to clothes62. What do you wear to bed?uhhh it varies but usually nothing63. First concert?dsfghjgfdsfgh cute is what we aim for lol64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?listen i dont have walmart and targets expensive also i spent $40 at kmart today i think that sums it up65. Nike or Adidas?i literally dont care ngl66. Cheetos Or Fritos?ive never had cheetos and i dont even know what fritos are wertghjgfd67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?peanuts but i do love sunflower seeds68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?dear john is a guilty pleasure when im sad69. Ever take dance lessons?yeah!!70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?fucked if i know71. Can you curl your tongue?yeah i can do the three curl too72. Ever won a spelling bee?yeah lol73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?dsfghfd it always turns into breakdowns does that count74. What is your favorite book?the his dark material series :^)75. Do you study better with or without music?depends on my mood!!!76. Regularly burn incense?i HATE the smell of incense fuck77. Ever been in love?yes!!!78. Who would you like to see in concert?lorde tbh79. What was the last concert you saw?i think it was the wombats??? i dont think ive been to any shows since then idk80. Hot tea or cold tea?i love them both81. Tea or coffee?i love them both but coffee82. Favorite type of cookie?a classic choc ripple or teddy bear83. Can you swim well?god no i have almost drowned like...three or four times its bad84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?yeah !! i didnt know this was a thing that ppl couldnt do tbh85. Are you patient?idk it depends on my mood i can wait for things sometimes but i also get real anzious86. DJ or band, at a wedding?sadfghjgfds i like bands at weddings idk why 87. Ever won a contest?yeah i won a competition to see josh thomas bc of an assholish thing i did once which i overexaggurated a lot lol88. Ever have plastic surgery?no but honestly its something im probably gonna do if i have money89. Which are better black or green olives?i hate them both my answer is olive oil90. Opinions on sex before marriage?fuckin go for it idgaf91. Best room for a fireplace?every room ever. bedroom? yes. kitchen? fuck yes. bathroom? why the fuck WOULDNT you92. Do you want to get married?nope dsfghdsfgh

#410940

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i-amusemyself · 7 years

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All 100 Questions.

Bloody hell okay thank you!!! 😄😄😄

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?Yeah, Id say so.

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?Aint never had anyone to fake it with 😂 Ngl tho its the sort of thing id do (which is terrible i know)

3. If you could have one super power, what would it be?Mind reading.

4. Do you think youre gonna be rich in 7-8-9 years?I’d be worried if I didnt have more money than I have now, but idk.

5. Tell us some funny drunk story?Oh jeez erm, I don’t really have any 😂 My friends occasionally remind me of the time at the school christmas ball one of the business teachers turned up and I quickly ran away while aggressively whispering “oh no he knows im a lesbian, aimee told him”.

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?We work better as friends, its less stressful.

7. If you had to choose one way to die what would it be?See I’m really torn with this question. Part of me thinks itd be nice just to go in my sleep, with a heart attack or something. Its quick and painless you know.But equally I wonder if it would be better to maybe, like, have something where I knew I was gonna die. Because then I’d have time to try and do everything on my bucket list and say goodbye to everyone. Also maybe at that point I’d welcome death lmao.

8. What are your current goals?Idk? Im waiting on A level results which I really hope I’ve done well in.I hope to make lots of new friends at uni and learn how to look after myself quickly I guess. I dont know.

9. Do you like someone?I like a lot of people 😆

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?Im really not sure??? There arent many people I expect anything from and even then my standards are pretty low. So like, I dont really get disappointed by people, only occasionally by situations.

11. Do you like your body?I could hate it a lot more, but I wouldnt say I’m happy with my body or general appearance. I struggle a lot with my features and my weight and the scars I have (which is ridiculous but thats what mental illness is)

12. Can you keep a diet?I mean if I wasnt on the diet im on rn (with lots of restrictions) id probs be in hospital 😂

13. If the whole world was listening to you right now, what would you say?Honestly id pass out under the pressure of it 😂 idk, id tell them all to take a chill pill but no one would listen.

14. Do you work?Nah, i had 3 jobs at once last yeah but now I’ve ended up with none.

15. If you could choose only one food to eat for the rest of your life what would it be?Either garlic bread or chocolate I cant decide!

16. Would you get a tattoo?I’m v much planning on getting one in the near future so yh!!

17. Something you dont mind spending all your money on?Plane tickets.

18. Can you drive?Yeah! I havent driven since I passed my test, but hopefully I havent forgotten how to that quickly!

19. When was the last time someone told you youre beautiful?…I cant remember. Thats depressing (not that I blame them).

20. What was the last thing you cried for?Argh I have no idea why I was crying, my brain just wasnt doing its job so everything made me stressed and sad.

21. Do you keep a journal?I keep a blog for diary posts but besides that nah

22. Is life fun?If you allow it to be, yeah

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?Tf is that supposed to mean? I guess if you know the person well it is.

24. Whats your dream car?I dont know about Dream Car, id have to research it loads to decide what my absolute fave it. Although rn I’d really love a ‘67 VW beetle bc theyre small and cheap on insurance 😂

25. Are grades in school important?My own grades are super important to me, (to the point its probably unhealthy) but in terms of how the people around me do, it doesnt really matter to me. I mean, I want everyone to do well, but I dont judge people based on it.

26. Describe your crush.She’s funny and all around awesome and interesting and good at deep convos and beautiful and way out of my league.

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?The last one I read called The Bell Jar. It was unlike anything I’ve ever read and made me think about a lot of things. Also I related a lot with the main character.

28. What was your last lie?Eh, probably “im fine”.

29. Dumbest lie you ever told?Idk?? I only keep track of the good lies 😉

30. Is crying in front of people embarrasing?It shouldnt be but yeah, I try my best not to.

31. Something you did and are proud of?Umm, idk im p proud of playing basketball and representing my region/training with england. But i quit that so 👏 dicks out for my regrettable decisions 👏

32. Whats your favourite cocktail?Never had one

33. Something you are good at?Annoying people and being clingy 😂 also maths ig

34. Do you like small kids?It depends on the child, the day of the week, the lunar cycle, my menstrual cycle, how hungry I am…Yh legit sometimes I hate them sometimes I love them.

35. How are you feeling right now?Great omg I just got my best friend to watch mamma mia and now shes high on life next to me.

36. What would you name your daughter/son?🤐 there are a couple of names for girls I like and like 2 boys names? But i dont wanna say bc theyre embarrasing.

37. What do you need to be happy?Good company, good food and possibly music.

38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now?Theres always at least 3 people I would love to punch 😂

39. What was the last gift you recieved?My best friend got me a necklace and I almost cried its so beautiful

40. What was the last gift you gave?The gift of my company @only-slightly-dangerous 😉😉😉

41. What was the last concert you went to?I went to to see Amber Run in february

42. Favourite place to shop at?Um, as in shop? A place called blue banana probs (england’s hot topic smh)

43. Who inspires you?Kaitlyn Alexander bc they helped me to understand who I am and how I feel and to be loud and proud about it.And Luke Cutforth bc he’s so open about his mental health and struggles with self harm but hes so happy now.

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?18 lmao

45. How old were you when you first got high?It aint happened yet (and i dont really want it to)

46. How old were you when you first had sex?It aint happened yet smh

47. When was your first kiss?As far as im concerned never

48. Something you want to do until the end this year?What….does this mean….? Idk???

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadnt done?It’s more stuff I wish I had done tbh. I suppose I said things I shouldnt have or got too involved in drama, but you kinda need all that secondary school shit to learn from it

50. Post a selfie.Lmao nah fam

51. Who are you most comfortable around?My best friend by a mile. Privacy who?

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.Abandonment without explanation.

53. What kind of books do you read?Anything non fiction about medicine/being a doctor/disease/psycopaths.Besides that whatever has been recommended.

54. What would you tell your 12 y/o self?1. Youre gay2. You and I both know you arent joking about being “a dude trapped in a girls body” stop laughing it off and confront it.3. Stand up for yourself.4. Chill out.5. Laugh a lot more omg

55. What is your favourite flower?It’s between petunias and roses

56. Any bad habits you have?Not answering peoples messages unless theyre Certain Person A or Certain Person B.

57. What kind of people are you attracted to?Ones that are out of my league and could kick my ass apparently. Also ones that are kind, listen and think a lot I guess

58. What was the last thing you cried for?Already answered

59. Is there something you dont eat? A food that truly disgusts you?I dont eat loads of stuff bc my guts hate me 😂 but besides all that I’m actually the worlds least picky eater. The only thing I dont like is raw tomato. Thats it.

60. Are you in love?I wish

61. Something you find romantic?All the clichés ngl 😂 just anything that says “i love you” or “i was thinking about you” really

62. How long was your longest relationship?Like 4 months? Barely long term.

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?Oh jeez i hate these theyre so stereotype-y1. Bitching2. Not supporting each other3. ….?

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?1. Not supporting each other2. Massive egos3. Yelling

65. What are you saving money for?Uni so I dont starve to death!

66. How would you describe your bad side?Hmm, idk, it depends what someone did to get on my bad side. I’d say stubborn, bitter and angry tho usually.

67. Are you actually a good person? Why?I could be wrong but I think so long as someone has morally good intentions they are usually a good person, whether they always succeed or not. So yeah, I like to think I am.

68. What are you living for?My friends and the hope I have for my future.

69. Have you ever done anything illegal?Piracy? Thats it.

70. Do you like your money?….did I type this question wrong or??

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?Okay, the honest answer? Yeah. When I was a lot younger and less mature and someone said something that hurt me, I tried to retaliate with equally hurtful comments. I like to think I wouldnt do that now.

72. Ever sent nudes?Lol no

73. Have you ever cheated on someone?Hell no

74. Favourite candy?All candy hates me 😂

75. Is there a blog you visit everyday or almost every day? Tag them.Yeah @oneshappyplace knows I regularly spam her with notes in search or Quality Memes (im so sorry)

76. Do you play any computer games? Whats ur fave?Nah, as if I have time 😂

77. Favourite TV series?Argh I canny choose? I love the IT Crowd, I love supernatural, I love Sherlock, I love in the flesh…

78. Are you religious? Does God exist?I’m not religious and personally I don’t believe there’s a god or higher power but I could be wrong.

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?The Bell Jar. See 27.

80. What do you think about vegetarians and veganism?I respect it I guess? At one point I was p much a vegetarian until I had to restrict my diet sooo. Tho I could never be one now, let alone a vegan.

81. How long have you been on tumblr?Too long 😂😂😂 Like 3 or 4 years?

82. Do you like chinese food?Love it!

83. McDonalds or Subway?(Never been to subway so) McDonalds.

84. Vodka or Whisky?(Never had whisky so) Vodka.

85. Alcohol or Drugs?(Never had drugs so) Alcohol.

86. Ever been out of your country?I’m currently in the USA so yeah 😂

87. Meaning behind your blog name?It’s p self explanatory and also v true

88. What are you scared of?Abandonment, deep water, knives, toys with battery packs.

89. Last time you were insulted?Ugh, probs like when I met up with a load of school friends for our leaver’s ball.

90. Most traumatic experience?I’d rather not answer that lmao (plus itd take a long time to type)

91. Perfect date idea?Chilling and listening to each other’s favourite songs while coexisting and eating fast food 😂 that or ikea ngl

92. Favourite app on your phone?Tumblr. Even though I hate it, it also keeps me sane.

93. What colour are the walls in your room?White and blue.

94. Do you watch youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?I love so many youtubers omg. Lukeisnotsexy, mileschronicles, realisticallysaying and filthy frank are faves

95. Share your favourite quote.Pick your fights.

96. What is the meaning of life?To live life to the fullest so youre happy and have minimal regrets. Also to be kind and helpful so even if you dont change the world you might help someone else to.

97. Do you like horror movies?I think….? But I’m not good at watching them alone 😂

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?Eh…again, would rather not answer (we got some nice supressed memories here)

99. Do you feel lucky or special in any way?I’m still totally in awe of how lucky I am to have met my best friend from 3000 miles away. Like, the probability of it was so so slim and yet here we are.

100. Can you keep a secret?I think so yh! It’s something that I consider super important.

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koriginaladdict · 7 years

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Do you think Dean truly loves Sam or is he in the same situation as with Cas (all familial love, not destiel of wincest)

sorry i didn’t understand, the question is does dean love sam and cas equally or does dean love sam romantically? what i think is that no matter what, sam will always be dean’s priority, not even their own parents come before, it’s always gonna be sam above the entire world, even above sam himself, dean just can’t let him go, even if the means to do so will hurt sam (s9) he’ll do it anyway because he loves sam too much and he’d rather him being alive and hating him than dead, and also it’s for himself as sam perfectly said, dean can’t be in a world where sam isn’t there, i don’t think that it’s romantic at all, it’s just that when they were young dean grew up that way ever since he held sammy in his arms when their mom died, he practically raised him and was always taught that sam comes first, so it stayed, i just see it as a really really close unique bond they have

as for cas and dean, it’s so much more complicated as the dynamic changes each season, depending on the writers and their biases, i got carried away so it’s a bit long (by a bit i mean really long)

it’s not the same situation with cas, both cases are completely different in my opinion, the first time dean knew about cas his reaction was “so you’re angel you have powers do all my work” he didn’t see him as a person, just something powerful that should be used at its fullest to save the world, and i think that mentality stayed with him a very very long time, then he got to see that cas “isn’t just a hammer” but it didn’t change much, every time dean has a scene with cas it’s to ask for his help, then in 4x22 he basically said “why do you care about your life? sam sam sam sam is above everything else to go kill yourself for us you spineless souless sob”, on s5 dean didn’t have much regard to cas as a person, like forcing him to be in that whorehouse, or when he was mocking him, or how he shrugged off “5 minutes and we already lost the angel up our sleeve” but dean had some decency too, like how he wanted gabe to give cas back, or how he sent cas some cash when he was in a hospital, it wasn’t all bad, there was a certain balance, cas got to call dean out sometimes

going back to how dean felt about him, from his actions they were both having the same goal, working together to stop the apocalypse, they had some good friendship moments but it was always “cas’s life is a price worth to pay, but my and my brother’s lives aren’t” mentality, even at the end sam chose to give his life, but we’re talking dean, but there was a tiny litte respect

s6 dean became an entirely different person, he wasn’t reasonable, completely selfish, he heard cas say over and over again “raphael will destroy the world i’m in the middle of a civil war” and all dean hears is “bla bla bla i can’t be here to do your bidding bla bla bla” and it was so unfuriating, as a dean fan who saw what used to be a selfless hero not caring at all about the world,only himself and his brother, and as a person who likes cas, who didn’t mind dc and saw how unfair he was being to him, whatever respect dean had for cas was gone, whatever self respect cas had was gone too and we were stuck in a mess when dean became the commander, and as much as it really hurt cas “your problems always come first” he still obeys him anyway

at that point dean saw him as nothing more than a tool, a tool that should only listen to him, that he gets to mock and yell at as he pleases without the narrative ever showing how wrong it is, even turning it into a joke (that most people including “cas stans” do like “baby in a trench coat”) he says “you’re my friend you’re family” but those words were always to manipulate cas into listening to him, in dean’s mind cas being “family” is only when it’s convinient for him, to listen to him and help him, die for him, giving that support back and having at least some respect and understading for cas wasn’t part of it, dean wasn’t cas’s family but cas was his, it was a one way street even cas said it “you say you’re my friend and i’m your friend too, i always come when you call, do what you as, shouldn’t that trust go both ways? i earned that dean?” and dean was like no, but he’ll use the same thing to try manipulate godstiel ? nah there was so much bias and narrative on dean’s side when he was the one in the wrong it was sickening

s7 that only got worse, it’s one thing to mistreat someone in their right mind it’s another to lie to an amnesiac person about their own identity and actions and guilt trip them, yeah dean maybe cas was a “bad guy to you” but that’s just YOUR POV not what happened, and cas took it all, when it should’ve been “i shouldn’t have broken sam’s wall, i shouldn’t have treated you worse than sh*** for the whole year, and you did save the world i was wrong” it was “dean is the victim and cas is just the stupid arrogant angel who unleashed some monsters for fun, look at how horrible he is” and then when he gives dean what he wants what does he do? of course trade him to a demon then gtfo, and when he sees him again and he’s crazy, he yells at him throws stuff when cas was basically in a childlike state and it was all turned into a joke, do you imagine if that was sam instead of cas, no one would stand for that but what can i say cas has shippers pretending to be his “stans” so they chose to defend dean over his safety

s8 was like s6 but instead of “cas you’re so horrible for saving the world how dare you” he’s like” cas you’ve been tortured and brainwashed it was all your fault how dare you i don’t need you …*does actually need him* hey cas i’m praying to you come here and save my baby bro i was just kidding” it might have seemed that dean was “making progress” and cared about cas in purgatory but to what end? he thought cas slipped up and all he did was tell everyone he’s dead, ruining his chances to be saved so that dean can feel better about himself, that’s the problem he was too self centered, even his help for cas was so that he won’t feel guilty for leaving him, and instead of “cas is off what’s happening to him we should help him” it’s “cas is off something bad is probably happening to him, so we ward ourselves against him and only call him when he need to use him”

s9, when your very human angel friend who has nothing, no cash no id, is lost what’s the logic thing to do ? look for him or sleep on your warm bed and leave him to starve and freeze until a fucking case happens to be where he is? i mean i know i got carried away from your question but instead of taking quotes and narrative i take dean’s actions to determine how he felt about cas because that’s what really matters, and then when he found him but he was dead he was upset a little, yeah he got used to the angel and all, and he’ll have no one to help his ass but it wasn’t that sad, we saw dean’s reaction to losing his loved ones billion times but it wasn’t 0.01% of it with cas, of course he gets brought back and all,and gadreel tells him to kick him out but did he tell him to not give him anything? did he forbid him from renting him some cash, fake id fake credit card? no he did that was all on dean being uncaring, and to top it off when cas succeeds in something he’s always there to mock him and bring him down, like when he got his job at gas n’sip and he was like “you were a great angel who fought wars now look at you” even your enemy wouldn’t be so bad to you, and when he has the angel army dean’s first instinct is to humiliate cas instead of support him, or just stfu and it says a lot about how he feels about him, he’s his punching bag, he uses him when needs to, throws him away when he doesn’t , and mock him in the mean time and ruin his life, and he doesn’t care at all or try to understand cas as a person because he’s so above that

s10 well no one cared about cas dying, except hannah, but there was less low blows than in previous seasons, either because cas didn’t have much going on or because dean wasn’t in a right place

s11 was so contradictory in itself, dean before 11x10 “cas is fine he’s always fine” dean”s first words to cas after he almost killed him was to ask for more help from him, usual dean, then after that dean is suddenly “cas we need to save cas it’s not an IT it’s cas” and i feel like it was done just to make the whole situation about dean’s manpain, that’s spn’s specialty after all, but well it was kinda out of nowhere and complete 180° shift in his behavior, i don’t even know how to explain it if i just look at his character because the reasons behind it are so transparent and are more to influence the audience than actually tell a story, but i guess we could say dean finally started to care a little about cas, thus the speech in the finale (that was basically thanks for sacrificing yourself for us, which was new and i was expecting a ‘how dare you he almost killed sammy you always screw up”) i guess the writers wanted some character development for dean which is good (even if i would’ve prefered cas don’t throw away your life like that)

and this season, it’s like dean finally came to terms with stuff, sam will always be his brother no matter what, and while there were still some pettiness and mocking cas and that whole “i’ll give cas the silent treatment because he saved my mom, and had consequences, not that i did the same every season or anything” i just hate when dean closes his mind like that and wants people to beg him to understand even if it’s really isn’t that complicated but he has to so that all the attention goes to him, his POV instead of the situation itself, it’s not the first time doing that, it was hypocritical to make dean be like “why do you let him talk to you like that?” like “why do YOU always talk to him like that”, you know but idk cas’s feelings are the ones focused on, i wish we got a little something from both brothers to cas, a speech like his when they also own up to all they put him through and apologize for it because they never did, only cas does

but dean’s feelings right now? he does care about cas, he sees him as his friend, he seems to make some progress by helping cas and not leaving him behind when he was dying, which about damn time bro took you 9 years to act like a decent person, but it’ll never come close to sam, no one will not even himself, but i do think he even has a closer bond with cas, more caring for him than his mother, and i think it’s kinda logical since she’s at this point just the one who gave birth to him, cas was there for him in ways she never was or could, but basically dean is experiencing some character development maturity and it’s letting him be more of himself

#castiel #cas deserves better #anti dean #i'm not #but people get offended when i just write what he does #meta #spn meta

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sadstonershawty · 4 years

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things that i’d say to you since i have a lot of shit in my head that i can’t or i guess moreover SHOULDNT say to u:

i miss u and i love u. it’s like bc of how much i loved you i’m realizing more and more i will always, at the very least, have love for u . i just don’t know that i’d ever be able to let go of that.

i love our memories. i’ve truly never gotten to that level of intimacy w someone where it was like that. where my significant other felt like my best friend. but we had so many good times and we were goofy together and i loved it. i loved being silly w someone and being genuinely myself .

i think that’s why it’s been so hard for me to “remember who i am” (which to answer my question; she’s gone. there is no more of that zoe. it’s time to create a new one. any way you want. you can do it) because we were so happy i wanted to be her again. but that was zoe in a different situation w different knowledge/experiences than the zoe now.

idk as i’m writing this i’m having a hard time really sorting out my feelings

it’s like i have so many and i’m realizing i really haven’t thought thru any of my current feelings abt pablo? i haven’t really processed any of them till now. trying to put intense emotions into words.

i just want the best for u. i hope now that we’re not together maybe ur happier . like more able to focus on urself and ur happiness. i think it’d make me super sad if you’re not even any happier. bc i do feel like i could’ve helped u, but i know u didn’t want me to. i’m sure u wanted to do it on ur own. i understand. that’s why i can’t be mad. i could never be mad . you were just doing what you felt like was best for you.

i could really never even be truly UPSET that you broke up w me bc of that, u kno? i guess that just doesn’t even make sense to me bc i would do the same if the script was flipped. i think maybe even i SHOULDVE done the same bc i was to that point too tbh. i was seriously struggling and it was hard for me to realize how deep in the shit i was bc of how much i loved him and how happy he made me.

i think more than anything i wish we could have a convo abt it. does that mean i’m not over it if i wanna understand what happened ? i don’t know. but i do wish we could just be chill and sit down and talk abt what happened now that it’s been some time bc i just wanna understand fr. and i want to know how he’s doing

part of me thinks at the end of the day he broke up w me so he could keep doing his unhealthy fuck shit like drinking (even a lil) first thing in the morning type shit and he knew i wouldn’t stand for it. at first i was wondering if he just didn’t wanna b w me bc of that but i know it’s not my job to (1) make excuses for him and (2) highkey “read between the lines” w shit that may not even be the case. that’s not fair to me or to him. i don’t need to be mad at him and i know my friends think it’s like weird or they just like want me to be on that “fuck him” shit (mainly stella...maybe not just her, maybe it’s that she’s the only one i even sometimes talk abt pablo w so idk she could be the only one i KNOW OF that feels that way. doesn’t really matter tho i guess i’m jus high and thinkin real hard on it lmao). but i don’t feel that way. i know i’ve said it before but i have been angry w him in my head in the past for everything but in all honesty i do think he gave as much as he could w still not being healed from his ex. he really gave me a lot of love. he fucked up sometimes but he really did try a lot i think. not all the time. but he did. i hope that’s not just me setting the bar really low or something and thinking that he did try. at the same time tho, it’s like how could i have felt so loved if he didn’t? i’ve never felt RECIPROCATION like that or to that extent w anyone in my life.

i’ve been thinking for awhile since we broke up (less now tho since i am getting over it) “was what we had real and did he actually love me; or did i put him up on a pedestal therefore making myself believe that he loved me when it was just infatuation (or something of that nature)?”. but i think being two months out and having a better perspective on it (granted i guess that could possibly change since it has only been two months out and maybe i’ll acquire more knowledge in the next 6 months that would totally change my opinion. bc then again i did think i was in love w cadeyn and i’m not sure i was actually in love w him.....that was also when i was 14 tho lmao. god damn this is the mental gymnastics that is done in my head on a day to day basis) i really felt vulnerable w him and i did feel him being vulnerable w me especially at the beginning (it faded more towards the end but that also may have been my own fault for pulling on him, idk) and i remember just holding each other and not fr doing anything but genuinely enjoying so fucking much of it. like we would always joke abt how we never really DID anything except the same things that were in our daily routine together at that point (having sex, smoking, listening to music together, cuddling, talking and joking together, going to the skatepark), yet we both talked abt how much we loved doing nothing together. i really believe in my heart that we had genuinely good times doing the same things together. and i believe that we were falling in love. i don’t think it was my fault, but i think on my end i was losing myself because of depression/mental illness in general lol and he was the one thing i felt like i could depend on for happiness but i think that dependency got too much. but i think what we had was real, i really don’t think i’m just fabricating all this shit in my head .

i’m thinking abt maybe saying to u sometime soonish (idk i don’t wanna put a time limit on it bc i don’t wanna do it unless it feels right and not forced and if i don’t ever really feel thag it’s right then i guess i’m not meant to say it to u at all) that i’d like to talk sometime, whether that be in person at some point or over the phone, abt what happened w us. id try to say the end in a better way lol, but i think i want to understand. and check in? idk as i’m thinking abt my “why” to this thought i don’t know if i should. bc that doesn’t rlly sound like it’s coming from a higher place . and the last fucking thing i need to do is make it more complicated for myself when i finally feel like i’m getting over this. god damn i hope that’s not my self destructive, desperate urge and that’s why i wanna talk to him. fuck lol. i guess i’ll just think abt it more as well as reevaluating my motives and not do anything impulsively

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