#something something the facehugger or whatever the hell

[sheliesshattered]

First Christmas, Chapter 2 of 3

Clara/Twelve Last Christmas AU. Latest part in the ongoing series For As Long As We Get, but can be read as a stand-alone. Three chapters, 16,000 words, complete. Episode remix, action/adventure, married banter, angst with a happy ending. Available on AO3 under the same title and username.

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First Christmas, Chapter 2

When the Doctor opened his eyes, the polar base was gone, and he found himself in the TARDIS console room instead. The rotors were humming quietly overhead, and he could hear the Vortex zipping by just outside the doors, but when he laid his hand on the telepathic circuits and reached out to the TARDIS’s consciousness, there was nothing but a strange blankness.

“This is a dream,” he reminded himself out loud. “And it’s killing me.” He looked around the room, but even in the dim lighting he could tell that it was empty aside from him. “Clara,” he said, turning towards the stairs and taking them two at a time. “Clara!” he called louder, but heard no response.

Knowing this was a dream meant he could cheat some of the physics, rearrange the TARDIS architecture in ways she’d never cooperate with in the waking world. He turned one corner, and the hallway he found there stretched out long and straight ahead of him, filled with mismatched doors that were each intensely familiar — every place he thought Clara might be hiding, arranged with the most likely closest to him.

The first door to his right was the one that led to their bedroom. “Christmas Eve Plan B,” he murmured as he paused outside it. Unsure of what he might find inside, he took a deep breath to brace himself, then opened the door and stepped through.

The room looked much as it did in reality, homey and sprawling and cluttered with the evidence of their life together — and unoccupied so far as he could tell. The bed was as unmade as they usually left it, but the sheets were cold.

He ducked into the attached ensuite, knowing how fond Clara was of the oversized bathtub, but he found it likewise empty. He called her name, and again was met with silence.

Retreating back into the hallway, he was immediately confronted with the next possibility. Across from their bedroom, unlike in the real TARDIS, were the familiar wooden doors of the library.

“Plan A it is, then,” he said to himself, and pushed through the double doors.

Inside, the stacks were dark, but he could see the flickering light of the fireplace ahead, and followed it to its source with quick, long strides. As he rounded the last bookcase, he spotted Clara, curled up on the sofa in front of the fire with a book open in her hands. The Christmas tree they’d decorated together stood off to one side, and the garlands he’d had to wrestle into submission hung from the mantelpiece.

“Clara,” he called as he neared, relieved to have found her but anxious to get them both out of this dream and back to the polar base and the on-going attack of the Kantrofarri.

“There you are,” she said, smiling softly but not looking up from her book. “I was beginning to worry that the cocoa would have gotten cold in the time it took you to get back here from the kitchen.”

“Nonsense, my dear,” said a Scottish-accented voice from behind the Doctor, and he turned to see a short figure approaching, carrying two steaming mugs. He recognised the man’s face immediately, though it had been more than a thousand years and half a dozen regenerations since he’d last seen it in the mirror. “The TARDIS would never be so rude as to allow your cocoa to go cold!” the interloper continued as he brushed past the Doctor, seeming completely unaware of him.

He scowled at his younger self, taking in the silly question mark jumper and paisley necktie. What this version of him was doing in Clara’s dream he couldn’t even begin to guess, but—

“Thank you, Doctor,” Clara said as she accepted the mug of hot cocoa from him, inclining her face up towards his to receive a quick kiss.

Oh, oh, that was just wrong.

“Did I ever tell you...” the younger Doctor started, as he settled into the corner of the sofa beside Clara.

“About the time you accidentally got engaged by drinking hot cocoa with a woman you’d barely met?” she finished for him, directing a look of such adoration towards his younger self that it made the Doctor’s hearts clench. “Yes, many times,” she went on, smiling and setting her book on the coffee table. “But I don’t think we have to worry about that. Married supersedes engaged, after all.”

“Quite right, quite right,” the man beside her replied in a different voice, and when the Doctor looked he found that the one wallpapered in question marks had disappeared, replaced by the white-haired man who had suffered through that accidental engagement.

Clara seemed unperturbed by the change, instead frowning down at the mug in her hands. “Did you forget something, daft old man?” she said.

“Don’t think so,” the dream Doctor said, shifting his face again, this time to the one with the ears and the northern accent. “We’ve got our fire, we’ve got our books, we’ve got our cocoa: a perfect Christmas!”

She leveled a fond but unamused look at his doppleganger that the Doctor knew all too well. “I was promised mini marshmallows,” she said seriously.

“Ah,” the younger Doctor replied with yet another face, making a show of patting at the pockets of his ridiculous rainbow-coloured coat, presumably in search of the missing sweets. “I know I’ve got them around here somewhere...”

“Take your time,” she said, blowing at the steam rising from her cocoa.

“Jelly Baby?” he offered instead, pulling a crumpled paper bag from his pocket, and the Doctor was unsurprised to see the other version of himself change again, now all grinning teeth and long knitted scarf.

“Not in my cocoa, Doctor,” Clara said with a roll of her eyes.

“Oh, you’re no fun,” his last face huffed, bowtie and tweed replacing the scarf. “And for the record I still don’t understand your aversion to fish fingers and custard.”

She wrinkled up her nose in disgust. “Ugh. Trust you to find something even less appetising than Jelly Babies and cocoa.”

“Could we, perhaps,” the dream Doctor said, now wearing a green velvet frock coat and his hair longer than he’d had it since before the Time War, “forego the marshmallows and simply enjoy our Christmas together?”

The kaleidoscope of his past faces was quickly losing whatever marginal charm it had begun with, and the Doctor hadn’t the time or the patience to stand around watching his younger selves flirt with his wife. Neither Clara nor the dream Doctor seemed at all aware of him, but maybe if he elbowed his way into the conversation he could break her out of her haze, wake her up and get both of them back to the polar base.

Knowing they were dreaming had its benefits, and he reached into the pocket of his coat and found the bag of mini marshmallows he had willed into existence. Quickly striding across the intervening distance, he sat on the other side of Clara and offered her the bag.

She gave no indication that she had noticed his presence, so he said, “It’s not really Christmas without marshmallows, now is it?”

Time seemed to slow as she turned to him, her hair flaring before settling again on her shoulders, her eyes lighting up as her gaze fixed on his face.

“I knew you hadn’t forgotten!”

“You were promised mini marshmallows,” he said, making no move to open the bag or hand it to her, “when we were stood outside the research facility at the north pole, remember?”

Her brow creased in confusion. “What are you talking about? We’ve been here at home all day. This is Christmas Eve Plan A: hot cocoa by the fireplace in the library.”

“But first you wanted to see the north pole,” he pressed.

A noise of scoffed disgust came from Clara’s other side, drawing their attention. “There’s nothing at the north pole!” the impersonation said, now wearing the Doctor’s own face, attack eyebrows lowered and expression sour.

“Shut up,” the Doctor told himself before turning back to his wife. “This is very important, Clara,” he said, plucking the hot cocoa out of her hands and setting it aside. “How did you get here? We were in the research base, there was a load of boring scientists, just like I predicted, only they were being attacked by very not-boring dream crabs, remember?”

“Dream crabs,” snorted his doppleganger, now sporting a velvet jacket and a ludicrously ruffled shirt. “Honestly, man, could you not come up with anything more convincing than dream crabs?”

Clara glanced between them uncertainly. “Like the facehuggers in ‘Alien’,” she said in a small voice.

The Doctor barely contained his eyeroll, relieved that she remembered any detail, no matter how ridiculous. “Yes, like the facehuggers in ‘Alien’,” he allowed. “They induce a dream state, Clara. A dream state like this. A comforting, happy dream, to anesthetise you while they kill you!”

Across from him, the Doctor with the plaid trousers and dark mop of hair opened his mouth to interject, but he cut him off swiftly. “No,” he said, pointing a finger at his past self. “We do not have time for this. Whatever it is, just zip it.”

“I don’t see how there’s any call to be rude about it,” the dream Doctor said anyway, changing his face to the one who thought celery was a reasonable fashion accessory.

“What even is this?” he demanded before he could think better of it, watching as the impersonation morphed again. “The dream crabs are supposed to create an idealised world, not— whatever the hell this is.”

“We are the representation of the Doctor in Clara’s subconscious,” the grizzled old soldier declared, like it was a normal sort of thing to throw into conversation.

“Would you pick a face and stick to it?” the Doctor snapped.

“Nah,” the other him replied, shifting again to the pinstripe suit one. “That’s kind of the point, isn’t it? We’re all ‘the Doctor’ and Clara knows it. Don’t you, sweetheart?”

Clara turned towards his doppelganger, smiling, her unwavering gaze fixed on him. “My Doctor,” she said, voice full of adoration.

“Clara, Clara, listen to me,” the Doctor said, putting his hand on her shoulder to draw her attention back to him. “He’s not real! None of them are! It’s a dream, and it’s killing you!”

She stared at him, confusion creating a line between her brows. “Are you a dream?” she asked him, sounding like she was at least trying to sort truth from fiction. “Two Doctors, I think I’ve had this dream before...”

“This is no time for—” He cut off with a muffled sound, unable to continue as Clara launched herself at him, kissing him with the sort of intensity he would encourage under any circumstances where they weren’t actively dying.

He wrenched himself away from her, his hearts hammering. “We do not have time for this!”

Clara stared at him a moment, eyes narrowed, then shifted around to face the dream Doctor. “Now you,” she said, pulling bowtie in by his tweed lapels. He went more than willingly, cupping her face and drawing her into a deep and lingering kiss. The Doctor had to look away, unprepared for the wrenching twist in his gut at seeing his last face kiss Clara so passionately.

The kiss ended audibly, and then he heard his own voice say in a low rumble, “There is, of course, Christmas Eve Plan B, if you’d like to take this some place more private, my Clara?”

“Shush,” she told the imposter, and the Doctor looked up to see her turning back to him.

“Okay, so you’re real,” she said. “This is a dream, I get that, but you are real. You’re the man I married.”

“That’s your litmus test for real?” he demanded. “Deduction by snogging?”

Clara leveled an exasperated, clear-eyed look at him. “Do you want to argue or do you want to explain to me what’s going on?”

He glanced to the other side of the sofa to find that the dream Doctor had disappeared entirely, leaving only his steaming mug of cocoa behind on the coffee table. Good riddance.

“The dream crabs,” he told her quickly. “The one in the laboratory wasn’t nearly as dead as we thought it was. It got loose, attacked you.”

“And sent me here?”

“That’s what the dream crabs do, Clara!”

She glanced around the library uncertainly. “But it feels so real.”

“You have a pain, right here,” he said, touching one finger to her temple. “It’s like an ice cream pain, but gentle. Do you know what that is? The skin and bone have been parted, probably half an inch, and something has pushed right into the soft tissue of your brain and is very slowly dissolving it. I want you to picture it this way: somebody has put a straw right through your skull and is drinking you. You should be screaming with agony, but there's anaesthetic. Everything around you, the TARDIS, the cocoa, even that dream version of me — especially that dream version of me — that's the anaesthetic. You are dying, Clara!”

Her eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “If this is a dream, how can you be here?” she asked. “How can we both be having the same dream?”

“There was only one way I could get to you,” he said grimly.

“And what was that?”

“I’m dying, too.”

The colour drained from her face. “No,” she said, shaking her head.

“I didn’t have a choice—”

“It’s rule one!” Clara snapped, interrupting him.

“Rule one is no dying for either of us!”

“So you thought you’d be a self-sacrificing idiot instead??”

“Rule two: we don’t walk away from each other. I wasn’t going to leave you in here to die!”

“Tell me you have a plan,” she said fiercely. “A way to save us both. What do we do?”

He gripped her hand in an echo of how he had bound them together in the laboratory. “We have to wake up. Focus on that pain, make it real. Right now, Clara. Wake up!”

There was a sensation of rushing upwards, and then they were lying beside each other on the floor of the polar base, coughing as the dead Kantrofarri fell away and crumbled to dust, Clara’s hand still clasped tightly in his.

“Clara?” he said, sitting up and turning towards her. “Clara, look at me! You’re alright, just breathe. Breathe, breathe.”

She launched herself into his chest and clutched at his coat with her free hand, trembling against him and gasping for breath. “I would tell you never to do something so stupid ever again,” she said in a low voice meant just for him, “but I know there’s no way either of us would ever agree to it.”

He pressed his lips to her forehead and nodded, inhaling her scent. Every good day, every bad day, he projected at her, but if there was a response from her at all, it was faint, barely a whisper.

“Right, where were we?” she said, pulling away from him and looking up at the people clustered around them. “North pole, scientists, Santa. Right.”

“I thought I told you all to go away,” the Doctor said scowling at them as he climbed to his feet and helped Clara to hers as well.

“It’s the first time we’ve seen anyone wake up from those things,” Ashley said. “As a scientist, you can’t expect me to miss out on data like that.”

He looked at the piles of dust and shattered carapace that remained from the dream crabs, as Clara disentangled herself from him and went to where a mirror was mounted on the far wall. “Well, now we know: that’s what a dead one looks like.”

“So these creatures, when their feeding goes wrong, they die?” Bellows said.

“The carnivore’s hazard,” he shrugged. “Food has teeth too.” He turned to Clara. “You okay?”

“No,” she said shortly, meeting his gaze in the mirror with a worried look.

“Good. There are some things we should never be okay about.”

“There doesn’t seem to be a wound,” she said, brushing past his platitude.

Ah. Perhaps she was beginning to put together the clues. It was inevitable, really, there was only so long he could distract someone as clever as Clara. And he could feel the attention of the dream crabs focused on them now, aware that their victims were fighting back. Time to bring the polar team up to speed, too. “No,” he agreed with Clara, giving her a significant look. “And the pain’s still there, isn’t it?”

“Is it the ice cream pain? Just here?” Shona asked, pressing a finger to her own temple. “‘Cause I’ve got that, too.”

“It’s the cold, I think,” Bellows said uncertainly. “Some sort of reaction.”

“But only on the one side, just that spot there? Doesn’t that strike you as odd?” he said, as Clara crossed the room to stand beside him again.

“Well, we’ve all got it,” Albert shrugged, unconcerned.

“Okay, so why do we all have that pain?” Ashley asked.

“Theorise,” the Doctor prompted.

“It’s worse now than it was in the dream,” Clara said, glancing up at him, the concern clear on her face. “I was dreaming, then I woke up. I know that, but—”

“Do you? And have you ever woken up from a dream and discovered that you’re still dreaming? Dreams within dreams. Dream states nested inside each other. All perfectly possible, especially when we’re dealing with creatures who have weaponised our dreams against us.”

Clara nodded thoughtfully.

“I don't know about anybody else,” Bellows said, “but I’m pretty certain I’m awake right now?”

“Bet your life on it?” Clara shot back.

“What do you mean?” Ashley asked.

“What if all this is a dream?” Clara said. “Nested dream states, that ice cream pain — it could be a shared dream, one that’s killing us. What I can’t work out is when it would have started...”

“The infirmary,” the Doctor supplied. “All those creatures coming down from the ceiling, attacking us. We never stood a chance.”

“Yeah, but we were rescued,” Shona said.

“And who was it that rescued us?” he asked. In unison, they all turned to look at Santa Claus.

Saint Nick shrugged, spreading his arms wide. “What can I say? I go where I’m needed.”

“Since the attack in the infirmary, nothing has been real?” Ashley said skeptically.

“The attack is still going on,” the Doctor told her. “This is it! And now that the dream crabs know we’re fighting back, that attack will only get more vicious.”

“Other than all of us having the same headache, what evidence do we have that this is a dream?” she demanded.

“You mean besides Santa Claus?? We don’t have time for this!” the Doctor snapped. “Out there in the real world, our brains are being slowly digested, but don’t use that as an excuse to be an idiot!”

“Doctor, behave,” Clara said, shooting him a look. “There has to be a way to prove it. When we were dreaming before, there were inconsistencies, impossible things. What about that test? The, um...”

“The Helman-Ziegler test,” he said on a sigh. “Yes, alright. But quickly.”

“We need books,” Clara told the polar team as the Doctor began to search the room for exactly that. “Multiple copies of the same book.”

Dream logic: he should be able to make them appear just by picturing it. “Ah,” he said as he spotted them half-hidden on a low bookcase. “Your base manual. I take it none of you have memorised this?”

“I haven’t even read it,” Shona admitted, as the others shook their heads.

“It’s the only reliable dream test that I know,” the Doctor told them as he handed each of the scientists a manual. “These books should be identical in the real world. But as they don’t exist in your memory, in a dream, they can’t be. Agreed? Clara, give me any two digit number.”

“Fifty-seven,” she said without hesitation.

“All right, all of you, turn to page fifty-seven and look at the very first word.”

“Isotope,” Ashley read.

“Extremely,” Bellows said.

Albert flipped a few pages, then said, “Inside.”

“Chocolate,” Shona said. “Why did I get chocolate? What’s that about?”

“This can’t be right,” Albert objected. “We must have got it wrong, that’s all!”

“Yes, by all means, that’s the more likely answer,” the Doctor said acerbically, rolling his eyes.

Clara took his hand and pulled him away from the group. “Listen, I know you’re stressed,” she said quietly, leaning in close. “I know you’re trying to save us and get everyone back to the real world alive, but these people are already scared enough. We have to—” She cut herself off, staring down at their linked hands, her slim fingers wrapped around his. “Doctor, I can’t— I can’t hear you,” she said, looking up at him in alarm.

“I know,” he replied in a low voice. “I can’t either. I think it’s an artifact of the dream, telepathy doesn’t work down here.”

“Alright, we’ll do it again,” Ashley was saying, clearly trying to reason with Albert. “Page number, Clara?”

“Twenty-four,” she called back. “Maybe you can break through it?” she went on, voice pitched for him alone. “Project your thoughts at me?”

“Worth a shot,” he murmured. He searched for the door that ought to exist between their minds, the one that had been there every moment since she’d accepted his marriage proposal, but it was like he was fumbling around in the dark, trying and failing to find the doorknob that had always been blatantly obvious before. There was simply nothing there. He tried projecting his thoughts at her anyway, pushing them towards her mind with as much force as he dared. “Anything?” he asked.

Her gaze was distant, turned inwards, concern still wrinkling her brow. “A faint buzzing, maybe, like a badly tuned radio.”

On the other side of the room, the scientists had flipped through their manuals, and one at a time read:

“We.”

“Are.”

“All.”

Shona hesitated and then said, “Dead.”

Clara pressed her mouth into a grim line and looked up at him. “We have to get out of here. We have to wake up, and we have to do it quickly.”

“We could repeat these results all day,” Ashley said as they rejoined the scientists. “It’s time to face facts that out there in the real world, we are under attack. We never made it out of the infirmary.”

“We’ve been dreaming since then?” Albert said in disbelief.

“Oh, for Easter’s sake!” Santa replied, voice laced with exasperation that sounded like the Doctor’s own. “Of course you’ve been dreaming! Haven’t you been paying attention?”

“It is rather obvious, now that I think about it,” Bellows said quietly.

“As you stand here, chatting, chatting, your lives are ending,” Santa went on. “Unless you wake up, unless you free yourselves from these dreadful creatures, they’re going to destroy you!”

Shona looked at him in consternation. “What is this, why are you helping us? You’re a dream who’s trying to save us?”

“Shona sweetheart, I’m Santa Claus! I think you just defined me.”

“This is because I said we’d come to the north pole and find Santa, isn’t it?” Clara murmured, glancing at the Doctor.

“I wouldn’t doubt that had an influence on it,” he told her quietly.

“You’re at the north pole, it’s Christmas Eve, and you’re dying,” Santa said. “Who you gonna call?”

“Seriously?” Shona demanded.

“Oh come on, it makes perfect sense,” the Doctor said. “The dream crab tries to make the dream as real as possible to trap you inside it. It creates dreams within dreams so you can never be sure if you are really awake. But your brain knows something is wrong. Your subconscious fights back. Santa Claus is your mind trying to tell you that this isn’t real.”

“So what do we do?” Bellows asked.

“We have to wake ourselves up,” Ashley said before the Doctor could reply. “How did you do it, Doctor? You went in after Clara and brought her out again. How?”

“That pain in your head,” he said. “Focus on it. Make it worse. Head towards it.”

“And when we wake up?” she asked. “What do we expect?”

“Only a few moments will have passed at the most,” he told her. “The attack is still in progress.”

“I’m scared,” Shona admitted.

“Good,” Clara said evenly as she took the Doctor’s hand again. “Scared is a superpower.”

“Stay calm,” Ashley said. “Good luck. And God bless us, every one.”

He focused on the feeling of Clara’s hand clasped in his and the pain in his temple increasing as his consciousness rushed upwards. And then he was on the cold floor of the infirmary, his hand empty, and a dream crab crumbling to dust beside his head. He pushed quickly to his feet, gaze instantly landing on the four sleepers shambling towards them.

“Run!” he shouted, as the others all scrambled up and towards the door leading to the rest of the base.

As she stood, Clara tripped on the hem of her nightgown, stumbling forward before quickly righting herself. Sensing the easiest target, the sleepers converged on her, and with his hearts hammering against his ribs, the Doctor darted back to her side just as they reached her. One of the sleepers grabbed Clara’s arm, pulling her away from him like something out of a nightmare. He yelled her name, holding tight to her and trying to break the sleeper’s hold, but the creature was too strong, too intent on claiming one final victim.

Out of panic and instinct, he swung his fist at the dream crab, landing a punch directly to the grey carapace. The sleeper released Clara and fell back a step, dazed for a moment, and the Doctor quickly ushered Clara through the door as the remaining sleepers continued to advance on them.

Ashley was waiting by the control panel on the other side of the doorway and engaged the locking mechanism just as soon as they were past. The closest sleeper reached its hand through after them, preventing it from closing, but Bellows hit it with the butt of her oversized gun until it retreated and the door slid shut with a reassuring thud.

“Everyone alright?” the Doctor asked, surveying the polar team. Four scientists, all still alive, no obvious injuries. Surely that had to be the extent of his commitment to them — especially tonight, on his first Christmas Eve with his wife, in a place he hadn’t even wanted to come to. “Good,” he said. “Bye.”

Turning to walk briskly down the hall, he heard Clara say, “Sorry, I’ll just go and—” and then quickly follow after him.

“Doctor,” she said, catching up to him as he turned a corner. “Where are you going?”

“Back to the TARDIS,” he said, shortening his strides to allow her to fall into step beside him. “We can’t go through the infirmary, but I saw another exit just past here, then we can follow the exterior wall around to where we left her.”

“What about the polar team?” Clara demanded.

“Oh, they’ll be fine,” he shrugged. “They’re clever, they’ll figure something out.”

“And the people in the infirmary?”

“Beyond our help,” he said as they reached the bulkhead door. He sonicked it open and led Clara out into the snowy night, keeping close to the perimeter of the polar base.

She sighed in exasperation as she followed him. “There’s still the threat that Earth is under invasion by dream crabs!” she pointed out.

“So once we get back to the TARDIS, we’ll phone Kate, let UNIT handle it. That’s literally their job.”

“We don’t walk away,” Clara said stubbornly.

“We’re not walking away, we’re just delegating!” he said, pausing and turning to her as they reached the exterior of the infirmary door, where they’d first entered the polar base — what felt like hours ago, but couldn’t have been more than ten minutes in reality. The TARDIS was visible through the falling snow barely twenty metres away, beckoning them home. “Honestly, Clara, we ought to give someone else a chance to save the planet from time to time.”

She stared up at him, her expression serious. “Why are you so set on leaving?”

“Clara...” he sighed, looking away.

“No,” she said firmly. “No more hiding, no more lying. What is going on with you?”

He chewed over his words for a moment, finally meeting her gaze again. “I nearly lost you in there,” he said in a low voice. “Twice. Which is far too many times for any day, much less the first Christmas we’ve had together since our wedding. I want to go home, Clara. I want to go back to Christmas Eve Plan A, and Christmas Eve Plan B, and let the universe fend for itself for awhile.”

Clara’s expression softened as she listened. “Alright, Doctor,” she said, smiling gently at him. “Alright. We can go home now. On two conditions.”

“Oh, now there’s conditions?” he demanded in mock outrage.

“One,” she said, speaking over his grousing, “we phone UNIT as soon as we get in, no arguments about living in a time machine and contacting them when it’s convenient. And two: we’re standing under the mistletoe again, so I am owed a kiss.”

She looked upwards, to the space over the door to the infirmary where they had spotted the mistletoe before. Following her gaze, the Doctor blinked at the empty doorframe and the distinct absence of festive greenery.

“Doctor,” Clara said, sounding worried. “Where’s the mistletoe gone?”

He quickly glanced at the ground at their feet, and then out to their footsteps leading from the TARDIS, not even half filled in by the falling snow.

“You said it’d only been a few minutes,” she went on, “and no one’s been out here but us. So what happened to the mistletoe?”

Feeling panic creeping up on him, he reached for Clara’s hand, fumbling as he laced their fingers together. There was no spark of their minds connecting, nothing but that same unnerving silence from before. “We’re still dreaming,” he said, finding her gaze as the pain in his temple flared again.

She looked as terrified as he felt. “Which means the four of them in there—”

“Four!” he said, the realisation hitting him. “Four patients, four manuals. Do you know what I hate about the obvious, Clara?”

“What?” she asked, her eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

“Missing it!” he said, gesturing emphatically to the infirmary door.

He watched as Clara seemed to quickly catch on to his thought process, even without the aid of telepathy. “Four scientists and four sleepers, but only four manuals?”

“Exactly!”

Together they turned and hurriedly retraced their steps back the way they’d come, the fate of themselves and everyone in the polar base hanging in the balance.

--

Chapter 3

#Whouffaldi #Twelve/Clara #Clara Oswald/Twelfth Doctor #Clara and the Doctor #Doctor Who #Doctor Who fanfic #available on AO3 under the same title and username #please comment and reblog! #Last Christmas #AUs #For As Long As We Get #First Christmas #my writing

[highglossfinish]

Irken Propaganda Film

Do you know, I actually went into this wondering if maybe, just maybe the interim between now and the time we last checked in on them had taught them something.

That was funny of me.

I see the screen! Thebes Excellent! Hit the leave button at the top, then, click join or whatever That's what I did Ah! It works! It's just up there next to the settings button FINALLY. SUCCESS God, is this how this kid sees himself Good! We're clearly off to a great start. I have a theory--when I first clicked the link, it said I was already here and asked if I wanted to "rejoin the party" or something.  I guess it had to be reset Do you think the Autobots' human pets have similar fantasies? I'd be astonished if they didn't. I can't imagine it's out of character for them God... the flies.... Has he showered in the past two years You know he has not. even once *shudder* How is he alive? You heard him.  They've just been shoving food in there. Does he...does he realize Irkens aren't good at anything? At all? Ever? Clearly he is under the delusion that the Irken threat is a serious one. He didn't even *disguise his skin.* Most of them disguise everything. At least the rain is probably washing away some of the filth not enough. Never enough. At least the Zim creature is enjoying himself. Do you see now why we don't talk about the Irkens? *Do you see?* Maybe. That's just.  So gross So I have to ask, are Irkens like... deer are to humans? Way too many of them getting in the garbage and denting vehicles in their horrible verminous flailing? I have questions but I don't want the answers. That's the most apt description of Irkens I've ever heard. I meant about "chair Dib", but hey would've compared them to insects but insects are actually a threat, deer are the ones that only damage property or stand around creepin' people out with their horrible diseases. "Let me just take a BIG sip of soda" They will also, in deer-like fashion, try to colonize your yard if they think there are snacks there. I like how the purple one wasn't the one drinking anything. hahahahha Nice to know their leaders are clearly still fragging. Yes. Is nice the word you truly want to use? I like their jaunty ceremonial outfits. THAT was long overdue tHE HOSE, i MEAN. THE HOSE IS NOT ENOUGH. It will never be enough. Also why the fuck did Zim express order a jaunty lil' facehugger Did Dib get some steroids Eh, I'll settle for "nice." It'd be a little disquieting if they weren't. By the Core, he's so tiny even by Irken standards. He's a tiny... thing. Oh dear. You could pick him up. As a human-sized being, at that. I mean, you'd get stabbed by flaily mechanical legs, but it'd be pretty damn funny to watch him rage He's kind of a bad scientist, really. Apparently it's hilarious to pick them up when you're Cybertronian. The screaming would get tiresome, though. god How are either of these two alive? ...That pile wasn't there before IS THIS HOW IRKENS PUPATE INTO THEIR MATURE FORMS OF UTTER SUCK? IT'S ALL MAKING SENSE NOW. His poor, broken spirit. Now talk about making a disection video Ahh, so it's *that* kind of rivalry. No one ugly cries like a failbug whose delusions have been shattered There are logistical reasons why the whole planet hasn't been razed by now, but I wonder if the rest of the universe doesn't simply feel sorry for them. Didn't Zim raze the planet himself? And they bounced right back. You have to admit, they are a species that does not let a little being destroyed every now and again get them down. I imagine that just. happens. periodically. Like how some cities on Earth have burned to the ground more than once ...Did his visualization include the goop? His concept of science would make Shockwave weep. CAN Shockwave weep? Weep controlled, logical tears. No. Shockwave is never happy unless the science involves monsterous horrors. This is what I mean about the Irkens never having conquered a world that mattered. Hey. They'd either get on immediately or Shockwave would short out with rage. Fatalities minimal. This is a train wreck. Did one fall into the volcano? Just her shoe. Ohhh. Look at him go. Ha, remember those universes where somebody, can't quite recall who, decides to bring Cybertron to Earth for some reason?  Thi s is like that, but in reverse! You could almost believe this will be successful and won't turn to suck .... I remember. I remember it vividly. :) It's almost like it's a universally completely stupid plan When a plan is too stupid for the Irkens, that's when you *know* it's a stupid plan. It wasn't -my- plan. It's okay.  We know. I feel as though Megatron would want a throne like this. I can picture it, honestly. He wouldn't, but Megatron never was any good at fun. Your Megatron never thought it was a good idea to train elephants to 'hail' him.   That sounds like a HILARIOUS story. It would have been more funny if I did not have to deal with him personally. Okay, granted. It's always funnier from a safe distance. Funnier from a safe distance describes most Irken shenanigans too, from the sound of it ...Oh. I'm sure he's fine. The Dib is surprisingly durable. He's made of rubber. Okay, that was good. WELP, THAT PLANET'S DOOMED Membrane Labs has a very harsh downsizing policy That is about right. Why did he think it would be a good idea to teach it to love? Flying by the seat of his ass, there. You think Zim is capable of good ideas? Point, point. doggos ...Well! That certainly was a whole lot of... Yes! Indeed. And now the Tallest are in hell, apparently. Couldn't have happened to a nicer ruling body I haven't heard any breaking news from their corner of the galaxy lately. It's possible they just snacked it off like they usually do. Hah. I'll ask Bee. That's about all I've got on offer for tonight, because you really can't top the Irkens. You really can't! Fair enough. Their nonsense truly is top-tier. Thank you for hosting, and... I guess I'll use the leave button instead of just closing the tab. Goodnight! Good night! Thank you all for coming! Thank you for hosting. Until next time... Until then! thank you, and good night!

#stream chats

[inikavulpixelreviews]

Let’s Talk About Pokemon - UB-01 Symbiont - Nihilego

793: Nihilego

Only a few months after Sun and Moon's hype cycle had begun, Gamefreak went and threw an at-the-time hardball at us. Introducing a new brand of creature that they weren't even going to call a Pokemon. But rather, have it be called an Ultra Beast with only a codename to refer to it at the time. For a while, its name was mysteriously blurred out, only reading as “UB-01 ???”. This is yet another bit that had theory-crafters raving, but it's understandable that they'd want to keep its fake name secret until the game was out because that would've almost surely given away its importance in the plot.

UB-01 “Symbiont” is a mostly featureless jellyfish creature with not even a face; or even anything resembling a face. Just a glassy jelly with a floral pattern and something of a motif what gives it the appearance of a hat with dangling hair for tentacles. The tiniest of implications that this thing is actually Pokemon's version of a head-leech much like your Metroids or Facehuggers. Which is amazing that such a concept has made it into Pokemon in the first place, let alone have it be played full-force in such a creepy way.

Nihilego's plot-relevance lies in how it relates to the game's main antagonist, Lusamine, who has an unhealthy obsession with UB-01 here. Said obsession starting with the disappearance of her husband through the Ultra Wormholes that the UB-01, and indeed other Ultra Beasts, emerge from. This obsession with the Ultra Beasts and Nihilego in particular has lead to her being a particularly controlling woman.

Enter Lillie, Lusamine's daughter. She's about the spitting image of Nihilego up there, isn't she? Not too long after you befriend her ingame, she mentions how her mother always decided on how Lillie dresses herself. Only further getting the point across that Lusamine is totally enraptured with these interdimensional space jellyfish. What's up with that?

Nihilego hosts a typing that's bizarre when you first look at it, being a Rock/Poison type. Seems like an odd typing for a jelly, right? But actually, its body is described as being transparent and glass-like, hence the Rock typing. A bit easier to figure is the poison half of its typing, given jellyfish are known for being rather venomous.

Nihilego in particular though, when attaching itself to a host, injects a neurotoxin that affects the way its host acts. Said to make its host feel an intense sense of excitement and loss of mental inhibitions. Making them much more prone to outbursts of violence and anger. Which brings us to this monstrosity.

In a fit of rage, Lusamine subjects herself to a Nihilego and transforms into this thing. A big hulking and intimidating human jellyfish that... then throws out a Pokeball and initiates a regular trainer battle. Dang, they were real close to having a non-Pokemon “final boss” there. But whatever the end result in the game may be, this was all to put into scope the sort of thing Nihilego is capable of, providing one of the coolest designs in the whole series's history from, of all things, being fused to a human. With the creepy eye motifs and making Lusamine herself appear as sludge-y as you'd figure she'd be.

In the aftermath of all this, you get equipped with a new type of Pokeball called Beast Balls (Funnily enough, in Japan they’re just called Ultra Balls because the Japanese name for Ultra Balls is Hyper Balls. Ergo, Localization screwed themselves 20 years into the future and now we’re stuck with the rather silly named Beast Balls.) that you get to use to catch the Ultra Beasts like they were any other Pocket Monsters. Disappointing? A little bit. At least, for a while I thought it was interesting that they were bringing in these Ultra Beasts as essentially non-Pokemon boss monsters to fight, but in the end you only fight Nihilego the one time in the middle of the game.

But I can't deny that it is nice to be able to capture these weirdos. The Ultra Beasts as a whole are some of the series's most creatively abstract designs, and it'd be at least a bit of a shame if you couldn't use them yourself in the end.

Not to mention Nihilego is creative in the way it represent head-latching parasites in a uniquely Pokemon way. With the way it attaches itself to its hosts making it look like it's wearing the Nihilego as a “hat” with its drooping tentacles posing as “hair.” I can appreciate the hell out of anything that's neat but also terrifying.

What we also get to see for this initial batch of Ultra Beasts is the different dimensions they live in. The only one present in the original versions of the game is the Ultra Deep Sea, which is an odd thing to call a place with no obvious water in sight. Clearly, it's called this because supposedly all that lives in this area are deep sea creatures that merely float around like Nihilego does. But it's at least a bit disappointing to hear these Ultra Beasts don't all live in the same dimension.

The Ultra Deep Sea itself is really pretty in a creepy, dark sort of way. Mysterious and everything. It’s just a shame for all these different dimensions we’re left to believe their only inhabitant each is just The One Species of UB that happens to live there.

Personal Score: 9/10

We're in for a good end-of-the-Pokedex this time!

[Archive]

#Pokemon #Nihilego #793 Nihilego #Pokemon Reviews

[e350tb]

Steven Universe: Marooned Together - Chapter Forty-Two

(special thanks to @real-fakedoors for proofreading!)

It didn’t take long for the forge to be established - a month, give or take.

And then, just as quickly, the Home Guard was being issued new weapons, straight from Bismuth’s hearth to their armouries. Bismuth wasn’t entirely on board with ‘guns’ - “They’re just not the same, y’know?” - but she was perfectly capable of making them and making them well. And for those Guards that preferred them, she soon had swords and spears and maces aplenty. One in particular took priority.

“Thought you could use this,” Bismuth had said, presenting Stevonnie with the new sword. It was slightly shorter than Rose’s, with a gold plated, star-shaped hilt.

“It’s perfect!” Stevonnie replied, stars in their eyes as they pulled the blacksmith into a hug.

Months went by, and there were no additional arrivals of drones on New Earth. Despite this, paranoia and unease ran rampant. Jeff was particularly concerned about how Homeworld had known where to send the first drone - was it sent by some regional commander? Or did Homeworld know of them? And if so, why not simply destroy them? Their defenses, even after the foundation of the Home Guard, were a joke and would make one hell of a punchline against Homeworld’s might, were they to attack. Homeworld technology could slice right through the repurposed vessels of the Human Resistance and crush them like ants.

This very real, but very terrifying, insecurity in New Earth’s approach of defense left them unacceptably vulnerable. There must be a contingency plan, Jeff had decided.

Weapons weren’t enough. They needed ships, and they needed them now. The bismuths and peridots were gathered, and Bismuth, Lenny, C and X were put in charge of designing and producing new warships to defend New Earth. Even Captain Franks was dragged out of obscurity to help. A permanent Council of War was set up to plan strategy.

It never sat easy with Jeff.

“It feels like I’m forming an army,” he lamented to Peedee.

“Well yeah,” nodded Peedee, “You kind of are? But that doesn’t mean you’re not  doing the right thing.”

A year passed. And then another, and another.

Shortly before the first new ship was finished, Captain Franks died, lonely and bitter. Doctor West retired as head doctor, replaced by a Ruby who went by Ceara. People born immediately after the destruction of Earth were now in their twenties. It was a time of change, where the new filled leadership roles as the old began to fade away.

Despite it all, Stevonnie held out hope that some echoes of their past may still be out there, somewhere in the vast cosmos.

They’d forgotten the old maxim - ‘be careful what you wish for.’

“We’ve found a hulk, and it belongs to Pink Diamond.”

The words hung over Jeff’s Penthouse, and for a few minutes there was dead silence.

“So… a wrecked ship?” asked Amethyst.

“No, a giant green man,” replied Jeff testily, “Yes, it’s a wrecked ship!”

Amethyst raised her eyebrows, and Jeff sighed.

“Sorry,” he sighed, “My leg’s acting up today.”

“Did you break it?” asked Stevonnie, concerned.

“Nah, it’s just… something that happens,” Jeff shrugged, “Think it’s just a ‘getting old’ thing.”

“How old are you again?” asked Lapis.

“Lapis, you’re not supposed to ask humans how old they are! It reminds them of the inevitability of death!” Peridot scolded.

Jeff smiled.

“It’s okay,” he replied, “I’m fifty-one.”

“Fifty-one?”

Stevonnie clutched their head.

“Oh my gosh, I completely lost track of… did I miss your birthday?” they exclaimed, “Do I need to…”

“Stevonnie, it’s fine,” interrupted Peedee, “It’s all good. We don’t really do birthdays anymore, anyway. They, uh, lose their charm after forty.”

“Can we get back to the hulk, Petey?” asked Lapis.

Peedee raised an eyebrow.

“Huh, that was actually pretty close,” he said, “Anyway, some kind of Pink Diamond ship is just floating around a few star systems from here. We want to see if there’s anything salvageable on it, but there could be security systems or gem-operated tech, so we need you guys to escort our salvage team.”

“Who’s on the team?” asked Amethyst.

“Jenny,” replied Jeff, “And a couple of Home Guards. It’ll be one of their first missions off New Earth, so don’t go too hard on them.”

“So I take it the inflight movie can’t be Alien, then…”

“Well, it can, but you’ve gotta cut out all the bits with the Alien,” Jeff shrugged.

He turned to Stevonnie.

“You gonna be okay with this?” he asked, “I mean, it did belong to your mom…”

Stevonnie swallowed and nodded.

“Yeah,” they said, “I’ll be fine.”

It was an odd-looking ship - a giant pink pyramid with smooth sides and a flat top, not unlike the prism where Steven had gone on one of his first missions long, long ago. For a derelict, the hull was in surprisingly good shape. The paint was still perfect, there was no dust - the only sign of anything amiss was the giant hole in one of the sides. According to Zircon, most of the ship still had oxygen.

Inside was a very different story.

Stevonnie trudged through the dark corridor, flashlight in their hand - Jenny and Lapis were right behind them, with the Home Guards, Amethyst and Peridot taking the rear. It was cold and nearly pitch black, the sides smooth and lifeless, the only sound the echoing of their footsteps. The boots of the three Home Guards clacked on the hard floor, and the inexperienced soldiers exchanged nervous glances. Even Amethyst and Peridot looked unsettled.

“I’ve seen creepy wrecks before,” whispered Amethyst, “But this might be the worst.”

“Then you gotta go on scavenging missions more,” replied Jenny, “This isn’t even in the top five scariest places I’ve been.”

“Or I could, y’know, not scavenge,” said Amethyst, “‘Cause, you know, I’d rather take on Homeworld then some monster with eighty legs and a thousand butts…”

“Lapis,” whispered Stevonnie, “Is there any water here?”

Lapis shook her head.

“I can’t sense any,” she replied.

“That’s what I was afraid of,” nodded Stevonnie.

“Well, it’s a hulk, right?” shrugged Lapis, “So there’s probably nothing-”

CLANG!

Lapis jumped, clutching Stevonnie’s arm as they swung around to the source of the sudden sound. There was a long, long silence.

“Uh… I tripped,” said one of the Home Guards (an orange Pearl) sheepishly, “Sorry.”

“Bloody hell, Orange, I nearly shat meself!” snapped another, “I’m on edge enough as it is without havin’ to worry about some kind a’ fuckin’ facehugger…”

“Alright, that’s enough Johnson,” the third Home Guard said, “Everybody stay focused.”

They walked in silence for some time. There was no change in scenery - Stevonnie would have been afraid of getting lost if the corridor hadn’t been perfectly straight. It seemed to lead somewhere, somewhere in the deepest, darkest depths of the ship - they wondered if they wanted to know what it was.

“See anything worth taking?” whispered Jenny.

“Nothing,” replied Peridot, “This design is wrong. The hull looks like a standard Type-72 Colony Ship, but this… I’ve never seen anything like this. It… it’s just a hallway. It doesn’t make sense. What would Pink Diamond do with a ship like this?”

“Don’t know,” replied Stevonnie.

They bit their lip.

“Don’t wanna know…”

What Stevonnie didn’t know was that they were by no means alone on the ship. On the other side of the vessel, in another corridor, another team was making their way to the centre of the ship.

“Captain Lars?” asked Left-Rutile, “How much further do you think we need to walk?”

“I dunno,” shrugged Lars, shining the flashlight ahead, “But there’s gotta be good salvage here, right?”

“How did Fluorite get out of this?” muttered Right-Rutile.

“She couldn’t fit in the hallway,” replied Lars.

“Keep quiet,” hissed Jasper, “We might not be alone.”

“Who else is gonna be on this wreck?” grunted Lars.

Before long, they found themselves approaching a door. Only half of it was closed - the other half was twisted and mangled, sparks raining down from the roof. The Rutiles nervously glanced at each other, and Lars swallowed.

“Good thing this ship has been wrecked for eons,” he said, “Or I’d be pretty freaked right now.”

Lars, the Rutiles and Padparadscha slipped through the doorway, Jasper taking up the rear. She halted, studying the warped door closely, hand on her chin.

“Hmm…”

Beyond the door was a small chamber, about the size of a modest house - at the centre of the room was a floating sphere that shone a marble white under Lars’ flashlight. It was completely dormant, perfectly, eerily still, and Lars found himself swallowing again.

“Hmm,” said Left-Rutile.

“Odd,” added Right-Rutile.

“What is it, twins?” asked Lars.

“It looks like an observation orb,” explained Left-Rutile.

“...but why would they build an entire ship just for this?” added Right-Rutile.

“I predict we’ll find an observation orb!” exclaimed Padparadscha.

“Yeah, thanks Paddy,” nodded Lars, “I…”

There was a metallic scraping, and Lars jumped. Swinging to the right, his eyes widened as he saw a door slowly being forced open.

“Shit, company,” he whispered, drawing his blaster, “Stay behind me, guys, I…”

What remained of the door was torn open.

“Shit! Contact!” somebody screamed.

“Hold it! It’s human! It’s just Lars!”

Lars raised an eyebrow as Jenny, Stevonnie and Lapis stepped out of the gloom.

“What do you mean, it’s just Lars?” he demanded, “I could take you guys!”

“Sure, whatever,” said Jenny flatly, “What’re you doing here?”

“Lookin’ for salvage,” replied Lars, “Never know what you might need. You?”

“Same,” replied Stevonnie.

They smiled.

“It’s good to see you again, Lars.”

“I… yeah, sure,” nodded Lars, “You too. So, did you find anything?”

Behind the trio, Amethyst, Peridot and the Home Guards emerged through the door. Amethyst looked up, shooting a skeptical look towards the giant orb.

“Nope,” replied Lapis, “Just a big hallway.”

“Captain.”

All eyes fell on Jasper.

“The dent in the door,” she said, “It’s new. Someone got here before us.”

“What?” demanded Lars, “I… how new?!”

“Captain!”

Padparadscha spoke up, her voice underlined with panic.

“What is it, Paddy?” asked Stevonnie.

“I’ve had a terrible prediction!” exclaimed Padparadscha, “We cannot go aboard this ship!”

“Uh… and why would that be?” asked Lars nervously. He noted his throat seemed to be somewhat dry.

“Because it’s not a Pink Diamond ship,” said Padparadscha, “It’s not a ship at all. It’s a trap.”

Zircon looked up from her seat on the bridge - her book was pretty interesting (she’d probably never own a ‘Camaro’, but it was a nice read) but she felt the need to check on the derelict every now and then. Just in case something happened.

Her jaw dropped.

The pink hull of the ship was changing colour; the paint seemed to bleach, getting brighter and brighter, until suddenly Zircon was staring at a great white pyramid.

...a great white pyramid.

Frantically, she reached for the communicator on her console.

“Captain Amethyst! You have to get out of there, now!”

There was a sudden crash above them, as if something were moving in a vent.

They had little time to consider this, however, as the orb suddenly lit up and bright light poured into the room. With a quick flicker of illusionary light as it poured into the surrounding walls, the room in which they stood seemed to coalesce into a blind plane, now little more than a large, grey chamber, the walls and floors almost totally featureless.

“It’s showing us something,” whispered Peridot.

“Yeah, no kiddin’, ‘Dot,” said Amethyst.

Lapis turned to Stevonnie, only to find them staring up, their face a deathly pale. Slowly, she followed their gaze up - the moment she saw it, she felt her proverbial stomach drop straight through the floor.

“Hello, Starlight.”

White Diamond towered above them, her arms outstretched, her face set into an easy smile. Lapis couldn’t help but shudder - she’d seen her in a dream, many, many years ago, but to see her in person… it was like inhaling poison instead of steady atmosphere, a raw, cataclysmic sense of bone-chilling terror clamped down hard on the column of her throat. It was a noose pulled taut, and she was standing on the edge, prepared to fall forward.  

“Are you enjoying our little game?” asked White Diamond, “I hear you’re having so much fun. Oh, and I’ve heard about your little… shall we say association with the Lapis Lazuli?”

Lapis felt her cheeks burn.

“Completely out of line, of course, we’ll have to fix that at some point,” White continued, “Oh, and all the heartbreak you’ve caused Blue and Yellow - they still think you were shattered!”

“What do you want?”

Stevonnie’s voice was uncharacteristically harsh.

“From you? Nothing,” replied White, “I was hoping to gather some of your little scavengers and pirates - getting you is just a nice bonus. And in any case, fighting a diamond will be an excellent shakedown for my new weapon.”

“New weapon?” demanded Amethyst, “What, another of your corpse drones?!”

White didn’t even seem to have heard her, instead keeping her focus on Stevonnie.

“Now, Starlight, I’d like you to give a warm welcome to Chrysalis.”

There was a reverberating clang, the shrill cry of metal on metal, and a vent subsequently tumbled down from the roof. A figure immediately leapt down, landing with a hollow clank on the hard floor.

The figure’s metal body was luminous beneath the harsh white light. It was short and humanoid - it had two legs; white thighs and feet and black shins. A yellow diamond was emblazoned on it’s white-painted chest, contrasted against a black torso. It had two arms, resembling limb enhancers; these too were black and white, black on top and white at the bottom, but the left arm, just below the shoulder, was broken by what appeared to be pale human flesh. A pair of black poles, almost like antenna, emerged from light blonde hair.

It lifted it’s head, and Lapis saw its face. Glowing eyes shone behind a yellow tinted visor, the only hint of artificiality to what was otherwise an entirely human face. She heard Stevonnie and Jenny gasp.

“Oh no,” whispered Stevonnie.

“What did you do to her?” demanded Jenny.

Lars stepped forward, visibly shaking. All of the bravado he affected in his captain’s persona had faded - he looked deeply vulnerable. Quietly, with a croaking voice, he finally spoke up.

“S… Suh… Sadie?”

Sadie narrowed her eyes.

“There is no Sadie,” she replied, her voice underlined by a mechanical reverb, “I am Project Chrysalis.”

#steven universe #marooned together #stevonnie #lapis lazuli #amethyst #peridot #bismuth #jeff #peedee fryman #lars barriga #rutile twins #padparadscha #jasper #blue zircon #jeffdee #amedot #lapvonnie

[fetus-cakes]

Xenomorph biology

A conversation I had with @palavengarden​ about how the xenomoprhs from the Alien franchise reproduce, any additions are welcome

fair warning, xenomorphs reproduce by injecting their parasitic larva into live human beings and the whole franchise is very unsubtle about this being rape and forced pregnancy, so the discussion is about this topic

charlie: okay but so here is the thing i still dont understand tho even just doing the first 2 movies the queen lays an egg the egg lays penis vagina deepthroat rape crab the  penis vagina deepthroat rape crab lays a smaller egg the smaller egg hatches into a tiny screaming snake which hatches AGAIN and then runs away then suddenly there is a 9 foot tall 15 foot long black monster that wants to eat humans then it takes a nap then if its on a planet instead of in space it wakes from its nap and eats everyone on the planet? builds a house in the warmest place available somehow a queen happens in all this fetus: ok think of it as an insect life cycle egg > larva > nymph > full grown adult likewise, xenomorphs only have one egg everything else is metamorphosis of the same body face rape crab BECOMES chest embryo charlie: no, cuz the rape crab dies after throat fucking you fetus: chest embryo leaves host body and BECOMES full grown adult no it doesn't die it's a shell it MOLTS like cicada shells or tarantula shells heck or a snake skin charlie: okay so egg hatch into a crab crab lives for literally 20 seconds then pukes its self down your throat? fetus: face rape crab is a discarded shell think of the embryo as being inside the crab the crab must stay attached to the face for a few hours to complete the transfer of the embryo charlie: i will resentfull accept this but still 2 more questions 1. why is it that the screamign snake inside the chest doesnt seem to eat anything? it just wants to curl up and take a nap while it grows bigger. the person usually keeps walkign around and just gets a little winded when it sits on their lung fetus: GOOD QUESTION charlie: 2. where does the queen happen in all this fetus: I HAVE ANSWER the embryo needs to stay inside because it's EATING this is where alien will get it's food and if it's a drone, all it will ever eat charlie: you would THINK so but no one seems to know they are chest bursted though the only time ive seen that seemed like maybe their insides were being eaten was in the avp book fetus: because they have been injected with what is basically painkillers charlie: everyone else justs seems fine fetus: this is why the transfer from crab to chest is delicate because the embryo is vulnerable it's to the embryos best interest to NOT be removed before it's ready charlie: the face crab is injecting painkillers or the screaming snake? fetus: face crab injects painkillers into HOST there is a period of time between transfer of embryo and embryo being ready to hatch that the host might be walking around it's for the embryos best interest to not be detected charlie: okay so... the face crab throat fucks you, and its just spitting crazy amoutns of pain killer down your gullet and once your insides are all the way numb and youre a little loopy it pukes the screaming snake into you and since your insides are fucked up with painkiller you dont feel it chomping down and can just continue about youre time, no issue walking and no numb tongue or throat until it breaks yoru sternum, which you CAN feel fetus: you got it charlie: dumb but fine fetus: painkillers are probably not strong enough to prevent someone from noticing their ribcage breaking charlie: i wish that it made your tongue and throat numb fetus: ok so; face rape crab grabs victim, sedates them, transfers embryo and pumps the victim's bloodstream full of anesthesia charlie: okay i accept that grumpily, but i accept it fetus: when transfer is finished the crab falls off and the victim might think they survived charlie: makes sense More or Less fetus: lol why so grumpy charlie: i still think the face crab looks like a whole different animal, not a cicada shell fetus: metamorphosis man ok so the QUEEN charlie: QUEENS AND DRONES PLEASE fetus:  the queen is modeled after ants, bees and termites, so it's a similar process: certain larva are selected by the drones and given the equivalent of Royal Jelly so they'll grow up being able to reproduce like all larva have the POTENTIAL to become queens but only the ones introduced to royal jelly will all others become drones or warriors charlie: okay BUT i know a LOT about bees basically all bees a female with a small handful of stupid males fetus: xenomorphs are technically all females since they all have the potential to become Queens but I guess you could say drones and warriors are sexless and only queens are true females charlie: okay so in alien 2 the one single xenomorph did the whole facehugger THING and scurried away, as normal living in the vents or whatever why did it become a queen and who fucked it to get it to lay eggs? you need at least 2 and you need something to make a queen fetus: WAIT WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN I don't remember that charlie: so just one egg hatched and attached to the dad on the planet, right? and he got evacc'd to the town (or whatever that was) we know from experience that it probably chest bursted within a few hours and scurried into the vents so we should have had 1 drone just eating people unable to lay additional eggs fetus: drone probably went back to mother ship for more eggs it was within walking (driving) distance charlie: and like... carried them? and put them close to humans? fetus: yeah, why not? drones are ONLY concerned with taking care of eggs and queen charlie: then when that one hatched you have 2 drones hell, I'll bet this drone captured humans but them somewhere they couldn't escape and then put the eggs around them ensuring more births did they just by hand carry a shit ton of eggs to the colony until one of them coincidentally was a queen, or did they have to DO something? fetus: royal jelly charlie: okay where tho fetus: whatever the xenomorph equivalent is charlie: okay so in bees fetus: I dunno how they make xenomorph jelly, maybe it's a hormonal excretion drone #1 went and made more drones, until they had enough to make the royal jelly and made a queen charlie: okay fine i checked with the bee expert i remembered royal jelly wrong fetus: what did you think royal jelly did? charlie: no i know what it DOES but i was remembering ti as 'the queen spits out royal jelly, gives it to every single baby, but if she gives a LOT of it to one then it becomes a queen' but no, its something young bees make charlie: all of them so when a young bee hatches and wanders over to the nursery to take care of its sisters its spits a little royal jelly on all of them so yeah okay fine fetus: oh I was remembering royal jelly wrong too then I thought it was scarce charlie: 1 human gets face hugged, the xenomorph goes back to the eggs which it can probably smell on the wind, carries one close to humans, then when the baby hatches and hides in the vents he vomits a bunch of royal jelly in its mouth and it just doesnt stop growing until its a full queen fetus: there you go :D charlie: only possible if its a female xenomorph, though, because every bee you will ever see is always a female the males literally only exist to fuck yougn queens (and die doign it) the queen still couldnt lay eggs though theyd have to just hope that one of the eggs in that ship was male already fetus: oh? why not? charlie: male bees dont fuck the queen in their own hive, thats their mom they are supposed to go out and find virgin queens fetus: well what's to stop xenomorph from being like clownfish and changing their sex based on environmental factors? charlie: the virgin queen fucks one single time then uses that one single time to lay eggs forever fetus: heck, normally I peg aliens as being like whippet lizards: they have developed an entire reproductive cycle without males charlie: because clownfish dont have HIVES fetus: they have harems if I remember correctly though you're right, they DO something to avoid incest charlie: look i spent like 3 months learnign everything about bees and i came out afraid of bees, okay i wanna know what xenomorphs do fetus: HEY I'M LOVING THIS CONVERSATION MAN charlie: technically anyone from that ship would be part of the same 'hive' so they probably wouldnt fuck them though they may well not CARE fetus: THIS IS LITERALLY MY FAVOURITE TOPIC charlie: ;) lets see... okay so to do yours and it woudl make sense it would just be very alien (ha) egg is born, egg is female egg hatches, is female egg develops inside host, is female hatchest again as female a secondary adutl female spits on it, its a queen lays additional egg no sperm anywhere here but MAYBE maybe if the QUEEN spits on a baby it can become male? because the queen oughtta not be able to have any babies until shes fucked shes a virgin queen so maybe the first helper xenomorph catches a human, brings it to the nest holds the human in place THE QUEEN SPITS IN THE HUMAN then when the egg gets lain in the human it eats both human meat and queen spit the queen spit neutrtalizes the painkillers (hence why people in those weird tar traps always seem in pain, where people walkign aorudn with chest bursters seem fine) but the queen spit makes it be born male it fucks her (incest but whatever, aliens) NOW she can lay a million babies ofrever and they capture more humans to make more males thats why its usually a room with only like a handful of humans stuck in it, because you onyl need a couple males after that i think my only leftover complaint is that the babies grow too fast and also nothign seems to eat, a lot of them seem to just murder for fun rather than food fetus: YOU CRACKED THE CODE well, it's established in the first movie that at the very least, alien embryos inside humans drink their blood like a fetus would it's quote possible they eat their organs too so a gestating embryo will take a LOT of resources from its human host and this is actually true to life too: there are several insect, especially fly, species where the maggots will spend their entire time eating but the adults lack an actual digestive tract so alien embryos spend all the time inside the host eating charlie: i probably need to see 1 again, its been a couple years i think fetus: in Alien one, after John Hurt wakes up, he shows signs of pregnancy: he's hungry and nauseous and Ash says he looks anemic charlie: im just thinking about the guy thta chest bursted in 1, how he was walkign around and laughing and felt fine before he suddenly exploded which means to me that it didnt eat the heart or lungs, since he didnt spit up blood and probably slithered into his intenstines before chewing through and maybe going for his nutrient rich liver first its pretty BIG is the thing every bite could easily be fatal so it cant be biting anythign remotely important or he would just instantly die, or start coughing up blood, or lose the ability to walk oh, so i have to see 1 again fetus: I just made a theory; normally embryos would eat the entire host like wasp larva do but embryos are capable of sensing danger so when the embryo burst from John Hurts chest, it realized that it was surrounded by hostiles so it ran away instead of finishing eating him charlie: oh that could be! it would make sense like in Cubed she had hers in her chest for like... nearly a week fetus: because most chestbursters are born surrounded by drones and their hosts are immobilized but aliens are versatile creatures, so they're able to thrive even in less than ideal conditions heck, Alien 1 is probably the WORST case scenario for a drone: born away from the other eggs and the queen ooooh you're right queens have longer gestation period charlie: my strongest memory from 1 is that she put al lthat effort into blowing up the ship and it was getting hot and screaming and flashign lights and shes desperately running to the escape shuttle with her cat and once the place blows she realizes the xenomorph had curled up to take a nap in the only dark queiet place on the whole ship it didnt even seem that aggressive she put so much effort into killing it and its jsut like.. sleepy and slow moving like 'why you bulyl me' 'i am the baby' fetus: I  KNOW!!!! I  FUCKING LOVE THE FIRST MOVIE SO MUCH ALL THE PREGNANCY AND BABY IMAGERY USED FOR HORROR Alien 1 does a better job with pregnancy horror than a lot of horror movies featuring actual human babies or demon babies and you're so right little drone in Ripley's ship just wanted to nap btw do you mind if I put our alien biology lesson into one post? charlie: go for it! have all the fun 'please, im trying to psyche myslef up to becomeing a queen or something, im lonely, im the baby, let me nap' fetus: I'm still laughing that you said Ellen is bullying the alien bully the murderous parasite charlie: SHE IS HE WAS TAKIGN A NAP NOT BOTHERIGN NO ONE he wasnt even hungry at that moment! fetus: he was lonely the loneliest xenomorph charlie: partner says that he thinks the baby is a normal parasite and curls itself up in the stomach, eating your food, until its too large to fit, then bursts out the chest maybe the 'dick' that comes out of the facehugger is the 'head' of the xenomorph and it just drops the rest of the body once its ready to and the reason you cant remove a facehugger is the baby latches on with teeth and fucks you up if you try to pull it off fetus: there you go I was thinking it was more of a tongue than a dick but yeah charlie: okay so random though imagine if when the baby hatched otu of that one dudes chest? what if instead of screamign at it they had said 'so cute!' 'welcome little baby!' ''i love you!' let it crawl up their arm put it in a soft warm little baby bubble in the medical ward gave it snacks and head pets it loves them then you have a 200 pound gigantic xenomorph monster within a few horus somehow who loves you and aggressively protects them FROM SPACE PIRATES fetus: ok but that thing just killed warrant officer Ash wait no, Dallas? what was John Hurt's character name KANE ok so warrant officer Kane is dead and the crew just adopts his murder baby? we go from RIP Kane to Kane? don't know her charlie: well the baby didnt MEAN to hatch from his chest its a baby fetus: the chest was just in the way

#alien #xenomorph #long post #fetus talks #fetus talks to Charlie

[journeysintowebcomics]

Stand Still Stay Silent Liveblog #39

UPDATE 39: Nothing Harmless About Those Ghosts

Last time the crew had sought cover in the royal residences – the Danish Royal Residences! Thanks for the information in telling me that. There’s something that may be worth keeping in mind: there are spirits in there. Mages can see them. Is it good, is it bad, who knows. When they were returning to the tank, the kitten puffed up, which is a sign of alarm. Let’s continue.

Last time Reynir didn’t tell anyone the cat was getting upset – and if he had, well, who knows what they’d have said. With all those husks nobody would be surprised the cat reacted – and this time he did, and it’s take with the utmost seriousness. Sigrun immediately stops them and starts looking around, and Mikkel puts the mask on Reynir’s face. Troll nearby – undoubtedly the flat facehugger that followed them here. Do they have weapons with them? I don’t see rifles; no doubt they have their knives but...yeah. Could be risky, and Reynir can’t be left unprotected. With some luck they could try getting him to the tank and to safety. At least they can be certain whatever’s here isn’t enormous, so...small blessings, yep.

Ah, good! Their immediate plan is to take their non-immune crewmembers into the tank. Tuuri is already there by its side, so she’s not in trouble, but Reynir is in the open. They’ll have to hurry before—oh, dang there it is, leaping at Reynir. Maybe they can sense who isn’t immune! They want to spread their awful disease! Oh the humanity!

I gasped when saw this. Damn, that’s brave! Even though I knew it was jumping at Reynir, I thought Mikkel or Sigrun would push him out of the way and it’d be a very close call, I didn’t think Sigrun would sacrifice her arms for this. That must hurt like hell! Not the first time she suffers grievous bodily injury – back when she was chosen as the captain of this crew she had a neck brace and that can’t have been pleasant either – yet I didn’t expect it to happen. Props to her for immediately smacking that thing biting her arm.

I have to respect someone who’s willing to get in the way of a post-apocalyptic maw for the sake of someone she doesn’t even want around.

Also, there’s something I’m worried about. Here, take a look at thiiiiis small part of that image.

See? The tip of this over here slashed Reynir’s jacket. He was in extremely close contact with a troll. I don’t think he was injured – because that’d lead to his death, and no way Ms. Sundberg would kill the newest character after so little time – but I’m concerned about any minor health problems stemming from this, especially because they may think he’s infected. He’d be quarantined to await and see how his sickness progresses. I mean, it was an extremely deadly disease that mutated like half of the living creatures on the entire planet, and it’s transmitted by air and contact with infected beings. The odds he gets sick are high, I’d say.

Well, if he dies, this won’t be the end of this presence, anyway. It was just established ghosts exist, maybe there’s something up with International Mage Dreamhub that lets dead mages keep appearing there, maybe he gets reincarnated into the cat and it grows a long braid somehow…it’s still early in the story, there’s so much I don’t know about the spiritual mechanics of the SSSS world. My point is that I respect Ms. Sundberg enough to believe she wouldn’t waste a character.

Emil comes forth with the gunfire, trying to shoot it, while Mikkel shoves Reynir towards the tank. Before he’s taken inside, though, he checks the place where the clothing was torn.

Ah, good! Unharmed! That’s a relief. Now I just hope he won’t get sick at all. It’s almost a miracle he wasn’t scratched!

Oh my goooood the cat is adorable, you excel at drawing an adorable kitten, Ms. Sundberg. Sigrun picks the kitten up and uses it to try to pinpoint where the troll is. If its fur stands on end, then the troll is over there. Heh, wait, give me a second here.

Miju, miju! I wonder, do animals sound different in other parts of the world somehow, do people in other parts of the world perceive the sound differently…it’s most likely the second one, right? Languages are different, and things like sounds and the such would be written different in other languages. Maybe it’s like that in this case. In Spanish it’s ‘miau’, which is…the sound written exactly like a cat says it, more or less. But I digress, what’s this tangent I got into.

The cat actually does a good job pointing where the troll is at, the humans are the ones that are doing less than a stellar job here.

Well at least he hit something. The problem is that if he was going to hit the troll with enough strength to kill it, then he’s going to have enough strength to break Emil’s leg. Dang it! Better start preparing the amputation tools…to scare Emil, haha! Okay, but seriously, this isn’t good. I hope Emil will be okay, I can’t imagine how they’ll deal with a broken limb. I don’t think they’re unprepared, but it’s going to be troublesome in an expedition that’s already filled with problems.

Also, there’s someone who knows to aim, Sigrun! The kitten does – and you get credit too, for aiming with the cat so well.

While Emil writhes and is hurt, Sigrun points out the troll went inside to hide, and tells Mikkel to go and stomp it to death. The troll runs and hides underneath a bed, presumably having heard the plans that included stomping on it. There’s no foot incoming, but there’s a ghost. I’m genuinely feeling goosebumps over here!

…ah. Okay, looks like in this world, the trolls aren’t the only ones they’ll have to be wary off. The ghosts killed that troll. So far there’s no reason to believe they’re hostile towards the humans, but after seeing this, I don’t trust them at all. If they killed a troll by…whatever happened…I have no reason to believe the same can’t happen to anyone in the crew. I really hope all these ghosts are confined only to these royal residences and can’t approach the tank. The tank’s armored against trolls and the such. Unless Lalli does something, I doubt ghosts are unable to get in there.

Sigrun sure is taking well the fact her arms was shredded into bits. ‘I’ll need a stitch’. Just one? As if! Emil, who’s standing and well despite the blow on his leg – it’s not broken, thank goodness! – lingers for a moment too long.

Okay, it’s official. Being anywhere near these ghosts is a bad idea. This is not good at all. Lalli didn’t seem worried at all, I hope he’s correct about not being worried. If there was any danger of the spirits reaching them, then he wouldn’t have proposed to stay here, so it should all be fine as long as nobody enters the building.

Reynir was quarantined to the office while everyone returned. I hope he’s not panicking too hard in there. For now, I’ll stop, since it seems the scene will change.

Next time: in four updates

#Stand Still Stay Silent #ssss liveblog #webcomics #liveblog #webcomic liveblog

[thatbluegibson]

CH 59

“Liz, what the fuck?” Dave skidded to a stop just in front of her as she waited in the parking lot.

“Everything’s fine,” she said calmly, nodding to Josh as he dropped his arms from her shoulders.

“I leave you for ten fucking minutes and you’re attacking people?” he threw his arms to the side, completely bewildered by her behavior. “He’s trying to get people to come help break your neck!”

“Fucking hell,” Josh whispered under his breath and took off running for the bar.

Liz laughed bitterly. “He can’t do it by himself? You should have let me leave when I first asked.”

“Liz!” he stared at her, wide eyed. One minute she’s charming everyone, the next she’s starting a brawl in the parking lot.

“Dave!” she shot back, “I’ve got this handled! This is how disagreements are dealt with.”

“What kind of mob boss shit is that? This isn’t fucking Hollister! This isn’t Sons of Anarchy or fucking Easy Rider! These are actual people that I have to go talk down from putting their fist through your face!”

“Just tell him to come out here and we’ll get it over with,” she grinned at him, but her eyes flashed with something other than happiness, “I’m a big girl, Dave.”

His confusion turned to anger at her seemingly casual air about the entire thing, knowing that Josh was just inside doing all he could to keep Jesse from storming out here and killing her. “Do you normally start shit that your fucking biker gang buddies have to finish for you?”

Liz visibly bristled at that, “What did you just say?” her voice was almost a whisper.

“Is this about the oath or whatever?” he tried to change the subject, sensing he had really hit a nerve with his last question.

Liz turned away from him and headed for her bike, “This isn’t about the books, Dave.”

“Then enlighten me!” he shouted after her, “You can’t fucking walk into a bar and start-“

“You think I don’t know that?” she yelled, whipping around again and running back up until she was just inches from him. She dropped her voice to a harsh whisper, “You think I wasn’t told about how shit works around here? You think I can just smile and act like I’m having an awesome fucking time when some fucking asshole is using a picture of my dead grandfather as a fashion statement?”

Dave paused to register what she had said. He hadn’t realized it was that bad, that whatever Jesse had done was that offensive. All he had heard was Jesse screaming bloody murder from the back of the bar at how he had been disrespected by some groupie. “Liz, I-“ he reached out for her, but the back door of the bar exploded open and Jesse stormed out with defeated looking Josh right behind him. Dave put himself between Jesse and Liz and just hoped he could talk him down.

“Move,” Liz insisted, pressing her fingers into his back.

“Liz, you don’t understand-,“ his eyes darted from Jesse to her when she calmly stepped out from behind him.

“This fucking bitch!” Jesse yelled, rushing up into Liz’s face and pointing his finger between her eyes. Dave threw his arms around Liz’s waist to pull her back, but she stiff-armed him away.

“I did you a fucking favor,” she growled, pointing right back in Jesse’s face, “You’re lucky I’m the one the one that saw it first.” She briefly wondered where the rest of the club members were, probably too drunk to even realize what was happening just feet from their bikes.

“What is this bitch fucking talking about?” he laughed haughtily and looked up at Josh and Dave, trying to buffer support from them.

“I knew it,” she drove her finger into his chest, backing him up a step. “I fucking knew you weren’t in the Jokers. You’re just an asshole with a vest and a bike.” Dave put just one arm around her waist this time, but let her stand her ground.

“I’ve never hit a woman, but…,” Jesse chuckled, but made a show of rolling up the sleeve of his flannel shirt.

“Good,” she spit back and dug her nails into Dave’s forearm, “Means you still have a chance to join something you obviously want to be a part of. Maybe I’ll put in a good word for you.”

Jesse frowned and knit his brow together, trying to understand what she was telling him. He looked over her shoulder to Josh, who rolled his eyes and nodded, “Yeah, dude! That’s what I was trying to tell you! She showed up on his bike! She’s got a damn good reason to be pissed.”

Jesse stood frozen, his eyes darting back to Liz. “So, who is-“

“He was my grandfather,” her voice was calm again and she relaxed enough to cross her arms over her chest.

His blue eyes went wide, like he was seeing her face for the first time, “Meghan?”

“No,” she corrected him. “I’m the baby.”

“I didn’t know-“

“No, you didn’t. So you can buy me a beer and we’ll move the fuck on,” Liz pushed Dave’s arm away and stepped past him, shoulder checking Jesse on her way back into the bar.

Dave and Josh both visibly relaxed, each of them letting out a deep breath and turning away from Jesse.

“I didn’t fucking know!” he yelled at them, “How was I supposed to know you’d show up with Old Man Jack’s granddaughter?”

“Go!” Josh yelled, waving his arm towards the bar, “We won’t hold her back if you piss her off even more!”

Dave leaned forward onto his knees, trying to catch his breath. He thought for sure Jesse would at the very least take Liz to the ground and he would have to get in the middle of it.

Josh folded up on the pavement next to him and shakily pulled a pack and lighter out of his shirt, “Well, that was fun,” he muttered, tilting his head to light his cigarette. He looked up at Dave and handed him the pack, “Here, man.”

Dave sat down hard next to him, lighting his own cigarette and taking a deep drag.

“Your girlfriend is…” Josh took a drag, trying to think of a word to describe Liz.

“Crazy? Reckless? Volatile?” Dave rested his elbows on his knees, pressing his palms into his forehead. He was having a difficult time reconciling the sweet, funny, easy going Liz with the unhinged maniac he was just harshly introduced to.

“Kinda,” Josh considered this for a moment, looking just behind them at their bikes lined up in the lot, “But she’s fun as hell and she’s fucking hot. I’m sure this is just a one-off.”

Dave shook his head, “I’m too old for this shit, man.”

“She didn’t even flinch! I thought she was gonna leap onto him like a Facehugger, you know?” he wiggled his fingers around and made alien noises. “Didn’t you tell me she beat the shit out of some guy at a gig? I could use a crazy girl like that.”

Dave took another drag and looked up at the bar. He didn’t think he could go back in and face her after all that. The fight at the gig was one thing, she was attacked and chose fight over flight, but this? Provoking someone out into a parking lot, someone bigger and more reckless than her, only to taunt him? He hated confrontation, but she apparently thrived on it and someday her luck would run out and he would have to deal with the aftermath. He could easily chalk it all up as an off night, she was under a lot of pressure and maybe she just snapped, but something in her demeanor told him she had done this before. “I might let you have her,” he said quietly.

*

“Okay, okay, let’s go.” Josh and Dave heard Jesse laughing and exchanged a look, unsure of what they were walking into.

“Wait!” Liz’s voice rose above all the laughter and Dave rounded the corner towards the bar. He stopped short at the sight of her and Jesse standing together, shotgunning tall cans of beer. A metal bar tray was between them with smoldering ashes still emitting wisps of smoke into the air and Dave noticed the back of Jesse’s vest was bare.

“See?” Josh yelled over at Dave, clapping him hard on the shoulder. “Back to normal!”

Dave watched Liz and Jesse laugh for a moment before turning on his heel and stalking out of the bar.

 *

“Dave! Where are you going?” Liz called as she hurried after him.

He swung his leg over the seat of his Harley and reached back for his helmet. Away from this batshit crazy night?  Away from these fucking lunatics? “Away,” he muttered.

Liz stepped back a little and looked at her shoes, unsure what exactly he meant with that one word answer, but feeling completely rebuked regardless. 

“You’ll get back safe, right?” he asked, watching her closely. He wasn’t sure how she would react to him leaving, but after her little tirade earlier the idea of her breaking down in tears seemed impossible.

Liz nodded, keeping her head down so that her hair shaded her face from the lone light in the lot. She wrapped her arms around herself and stared at her shoes, but she didn’t say a word.

“Great,” Dave fired up his bike and Liz jumped at the sound, spinning back around and quickly walking back into the bar. He watched the door close behind her and waited a moment before kicking the bike into gear and speeding off.

#dave grohl fanfiction #dave grohl fanfic #dave grohl fiction #thatbluegibson

[whifferdills]

HERE WE GO, THE LONG WAY AROUND: DW Xmas special 2017 les go

we saw the Hartnell-->Bradley effect as a teaser p early on, but, janky as it is, it really does work. and it's a giant This Ish Gonna Get Meta signpost, which i enjoy

River's Booze Cube in the TARDIS coming back i'm

right that's a straight line from "Deep Breath" to here. 'you're gonna want a drink, dude'

One, here, aside from what we're gonna go over in a later bulletpoint, feels like - more EU inspired, than anything? they feel like Shitty Nervous Baby Asshole Theta, faced with finally having to commit to stepping out into the world. i've never been super into One Doctor Era in terms of like. being really into it, and i do have a variety of EU-based Shitty Nervous Baby Asshole Theta headcanons, so i like this. ymmv

fuck do i love two or more Drs in a room being jerks to/ begrudgingly admiring each other. this shitbird

the guitar being the only dusted thing. gross college-student 'sniffing to see if the hoodie passes the smell test' 12 headcanon confirmed

THE FLOOF MULLET

sorrynotsorry PCap continutes to be weirdly hot throughout this episode

'shitty baby Thete made the first sonic at the academy' headcanon UNCONFIRMED. unless One's jus playing it cool, like, that dumb thing? hah hah never heard of it

god i do not understand this plot at all but it's Moff in full fuck-off mode so. les go

i love League of Gentlemen but have never really enjoyed, like actively liked, Mark Gatiss' contributions to DW. but i like him here a lot. it's a heartfelt, understated performance and kinda anchors the melodrama of the Dr(s). if he coulda poured that out previous a lot of episodes of New Who would be better

"what do you mean, world war one" fuck what a line

right i get why people might be pissed off at One Dr being obviously a dated piece of shit here, but questions of canon aside: DW has been total fuckin shit, like a lot, it's fucked up bad and frequently (and recently) and i'm entirely ok treating this as a meta critique

fuck this building is the same one from Missy's "imagine the Dr" speech. what does she know

i know Moff loves his doubles/copies/etc but did he need put that on Bill cmon that is hinky af

tho seriously i love these two nerds and i need more 12 & Bill in my life

"long story short: i totally pulled" i'm

wouldnt all these Bill n 12 scenes been better if Moff hadn't needed to do the whole pLoT tWiSt ThEy'Re A cOpY thing. i do love Moff. but. why. why this, here now

Gold went fairly old-school Spooky Synths before returning to his Classic Themes later and like. i'm more of a fan of his work now, than i have been before, but i'm okay with him being replaced with someone more inclined to do something other than what we've been hearing since Eccleston.

the fuckin sunglasses. this dweeb

like i do honestly love moff's sort of, short form spec fic, bizarro, 'hold your hat it's about to get wild' style. outside of mainstream SF i do prefer stories that don't explain, that don't world build, that just throw some bullshit at you and expect you to understand the emotional resonance. and i do love this story as a character piece, as a sort of...ambient? intentionally-confusing thing. but i also think it bit off more than it could chew, and it fucked w/ tropes in a way that kind of highlighted why you can't just apply any trope to any character, specifically any minority character, and have it come off how you want

like this episode reminded me what i'll miss abt Moff and what i...won't

Pearl tho fuck i have missed her. and Bill. Big Finish, please, please do me a solid. Bill Potts, tell me what to do

"will you put that buzzing toy away" THIS doof

'the Doctor of War'/'to be fair, they've cut out all the jokes'. i'm. One's face, and how it gets subverted later on

the whole window-size thing

NEW VORTEX SO FRESH N SO CLEAN

fuck tho 12's increasing levels of anger and shame at what they'd been before leads up SO well into the eventual Whittaker

facehuggers what

seriously what the fuck is this plot like i get the plot isn't the point but i do not understand what's happening with Testimony thing like

im drunk so uhhh

~fear makes Drs of us all~

this story would have worked so much better minus the Twist abt the shapeshifting whatevers. Bill's already a space goo, why. why add more things, when the dynamic between 12 n Bill is already so complex

the dr's weaponized self-destruction has always been such a Thing but how offhand 12 is about it, like. fuck dudes. #relatable

RUSTY. all the birds come home to roost

i'll probably come back to this later but DANG the camera and editing and coloring in this are N I C E

"Dunno why Good wins over Evil so i did a Le Both Sides survey" One u r fuckin lyyyyyiiiiiiing don't let Space Reddit lead you astray

oh god this is "Hell Bent" this is Clara on Trap Street this is

"The real world is not a fairy tale" was THE moment i knew Clara was gonna make an appearance

"I don't really know what to do when this isn't an evil plan" both lmao and. i love what this episode is trying to be. not an evil plan, just. circumstance. life. shit happens.

my kink is Dr Who taking responsibility for their shitty short sighted actions

FUCK HE WAS A LETHBRIDGE-STEWART YOUSE WERE RIGHT

please feel free to shake up your headcanons accordingly

the christmas armistice, ok, i teared up. iirc PCap did a spoken word performance of a letter about that, i wonder if there's any direct connection there

"the rug was crap anyway" THIS IDIOT BOY

and dang will i eternally love PCap's physical, specific performance of this role. the absolute exhaustion mixed with fuck-it whimsy and a weird, uncomfortable intimacy, it fffffucks me up

12 pulling their collar up like. this small vulnerable dying boy. my whole heart

Bill repaying the Dr for the photos of her mother - and how, 'zactly, did she come across enough of a Clara to do this like i'm not saying Bill/Clara is canon but

OKAY THEY'VE GOT THEIR MEMORY BACK OF CLARA DELIVERED VIA A KISS OK OK OK

OK THIS IS OK IM OK EVERYTHING IS FINE

Twelvedole is also canon. Whom - the fuck - glass nipples?

please let this boy take a nap

oh it's. the TARDIS is 13's ~First face~. they're not doing this alone, they're doing it with their one true love. 'time to leave the battlefield' yeah

this silly old universe. basic stuff first:

ok yeah that "Heaven Sent" theme is good

mmmmlove the decision to have a lot of the regeneration be JWhit, interspersed with PCap's trademark eyebrows. it pings...something, in my brain, that struggles with gender

the ring no

tiny wee JWhit in 12's outfit so...joyous and fucked up, like they always are. looooove it

they're not gone, they're just someone else now. the cycle begins anew. aw, brilliant

this is such a small, sweet, sad story, which imo is why the basic Moff Bizarro doesn't fit. plot aside, i quite like this one. the fear of death faced and overcome; yourself and your ethos being more important than the shape you take; the importance of kindness, and the possibility - if you try very hard - of a fairy tale. good shit.

laugh hard, run fast, be kind. Doctor, i let you go

#dw spoilers #incoherent yelling

[theforgottensheikah]

Minor Alien Covenant Rant *Spoilers*

Okay, normally I don’t get bent out of shape over this type of thing but I’ve seen this statement repeat itself waaaay too much (mainly on FB): “Daniels is supposed to replace Ripley? Haha, this woman isn’t badass! She cried almost through the entire film!”

First off replacing is a incorrect word to use. Alien (1979) takes places in 2122 and Covenant 2104. Captain Daniels is in no way taking Ripley’s spotlight as she dies either by age (unless this is also Daniels from Alien 2) or whatever crap David 8 has prepared. So cut that shit out. 

Dr. Shaw, Capt. Daniels, and Lieutenant Ripley are all brave and intelligent women who really can’t outdo each other in my opinion. Each brought something to the table and compliments the other. 

Back to the point: Daniels ‘crying’ during most of the movie.

In the beginning Daniels watched her husband and the first captain of Covenant burn alive due to a solar burst in the statis pod that is supposed to protect him. So yeah, any loving person will be a wreck for awhile and actually she reeled in her emotions pretty quick and kept her mind set on the tasking of repairing the ship after a moment of privacy. 

When Shaw’s message was discovered, she was the first to calmly disagree that they cannot go off course. She gets written off as being unstable even though giving Oram perfectly good enough reasons why they should continue forward. 

Another scene where is she ‘crying’ is when her crew and friends are being torn apart by a creature she can barely fight as Neomorphs are incredibly fast. She feels useless. Everyone is dying in front of her again and she cannot stop it. Frustration, sorrow, and pain are all pumping in her system at the sight of crew members literally being torn apart inside and out.

Then here comes David 8 and all hell breaks loose.

The small remainder of her crew is killed by both Neomorph and Xenomorph, except one who is unknowingly infected by the Facehugger. She doesn’t cry. Daniels keeps a clear mind and focuses on guiding Tennessee who is piloting their rescue and giving cover to Sergeant Lope. The Xeno manages to jump on the craft and guess who decides to go out and try to kill it?

Fucking Captain Daniels Branson.

If this where me, I’d be so taxed by now from emotional and physical fatigue, I’d be a potato. But no, this woman gets up and fights the Alien while the craft is moving and hitting buildings. And she kills it.

Once they re-board Covenant, her peace and victory shatters again. She cries again (barely) seeing the mangled corpse of Lope, Ricks, and Upworth. Does she drop the ball? Nope.

Her and T take action. Then when the final blow is delivered to the 2nd Xeno, I think those are tears of joy mixed with ‘Omg I might’ve died right there but hey!’

Point is! This woman is beat to hell, yet manages to outsmart and kill two fully grown Xenomorphs faster than Ripely first did, yet you (mostly men) complain she cried too much.

Every one handles trauma differently and she did not stand/sit there baling until her eyes dried out. She sucked it up for herself and all those around her.

Shouldn’t be we bitching about how Faris lost it and thus killed herself and their medic? No, we should focus on Daniels inappropriate display of emotion. Alright. Fuck you lot.

#i say stuff #people cry get over it #holy shit #this is why we can't have nice things #alien covenant

[wareexami]

– Icepop

Epic Pranks That Are So Brilliant We Can't Believe We Didn't Think Of Them Ourselves

Tuesday 27 August 2019 08:40 AM UTC-05 | Tags: april-fools diy entertainment funny funny-jokes hilarious jokes practical-jokes pranks

1. Some pranks achieve their goal quite simply, while others require a pretty incredible amount of dedication. Just imagine how hard it was to design this masterful car seat replica — and all the poor drive-thru window workers that it managed to terrify.

Imgur/EirgB

2. Regardless of whether or not you’ve seen the Alien movie franchise and know that this is a much-dreaded facehugger, opening the door to your fridge half-asleep for a midnight snack and finding this sight greeting you is one giant NOPE.

Reddit/surferchik

3. Excruciatingly irritating vehicle pranks deserve to be in a class of their own. This one is so simple yet so effective, it’s practically genius: with the mere use of cotton balls dipped in water on a freezing cold night, you’ve given your friend (or enemy?) hours of annoyance.

Tumblr/crystaljasmin

4. Surprise! Just when you thought that public spaces such as your friendly local grocery store were safe from pranks, you encounter this vile trick snake patiently awaiting your shrieks in the produce section. Wonder if they’ll ever ‘lettuce’ back in again?

Imgur/eH0bMTb

5. Few acts of injustice in the world are deserving of a life-term prison sentence. Yet this is an act so heinous, so egregious, so sickeningly twisted, that we’re bummed we didn’t come up with it on our own first.

Twitter/@djksting

6. C’mon, first world! There are hungry people out there! Must you waste your cereal in the name of this faceplant-worthy little prank? The only thing worse than the waste of food here would be if some eco-conscious samaritan cleaned up the scene as any ravenous breakfast-easter would. Ewbnb!

Instagram/roxyawesomeface

7. Looks like after years of getting harassed and barked at by the family dog, the mailman got just plain fed up and decided to deliver a little something besides mail. Signed, sealed, delivered!

Tumblr/blaaargh

8. There are several things that are safe to assume here. Firstly, that this bird foot is (hopefully) not real, and secondly, whoever accidentally ends up finding it is highly likely to jump out of their skins.

Instagram/huntgathercook

9. Come on, dude, it’s time to rally. Doesn’t it just drive you crazy when that one friend can’t keep up with the beer pong and passes out in the middle of a game? Punishment pranks are fun alright, but this balancing act is sheer art.

Reddit/ighostship

10. It’s the small things in life that can often be irritating beyond description. For this most sinister of epic pranks, paint a bar of soap with clear nail polish. Then watch as the victim struggles wondering how the should-be-suds could end up being defective.

Reddit/thebobstu

11. You’ve heard of air horns before, sure, but what about chairhorns? Neither has your unfortunate unsuspecting office mate probably, but chances are, it’s an experience they’ll never forget, and nor will all those poor souls in the vicinity who will lose temporary use of their eardrums.

Reddit/pivottofakie

12. Whoever thinks up elaborate and time-consumingly epic pranks like this deserves a word of praise. It’s a mischievous trick that’s both incredibly detailed and color-coordinated. It may take a long and frustrating amount of time to undo, but, frankly, looks so darn pretty!

Imgur/ICanDrawFish

13. What makes spiders so appealing as the key ingredient in so many pranks? Perhaps it’s because they’re so small yet so many humans share a deep-seated fear of them. Whatever’s the case, there’s bound to be someone out there who would take this warning seriously.

Twitter/@SCHS_architect

14. Who could be so diabolical as to desecrate the most holy act of enjoying an Oreo cookie? This epic prank takes no prisoners. How weird would it be if the person eating it thought it was simply a tasty, mint-flavored version of everyone’s favorite cookie sandwich?

Instagram/joelynnbonnotdds

15. Hot diggity dog! Just looking at this bizarre set-up is like one of those moments in The Matrix where all time and space freezes — except with frankfurters. Let’s just hope whoever lives in this room isn’t vegan.

Reddit/twilliams9

16. Fancy a swing, anyone? This time-encompassing prank required some careful preparation, but the final product is absolutely flawless. What’s more, making this bedroom into an impromptu croquet field made barely any mess at all. That grass is perfectly trimmed.

Reddit/udomolm

17. Is your coworker going on a long vacation, leaving their desk woefully unattended? Then here’s the chance for an epic prank that’s not only brilliant, but eco-friendly! By sewing seeds between their keyboard keys, you’ve created a problem that they’ll feel bad about having to destroy.

Flickr/wetwebwork

18. They found love in a hungry place. Sure, food can be our friend when we’re in need of a bit of self-pampering. But opening the fridge to discover a whole new posse of seemingly sentient beings is euqal parts adorable and terrifying.

Reddit/biggletits

19. Having trouble getting your kids to eat their veggies, while simultaneously seeking to give them a lifetime of trust issues? Then this epic prank is absolutely perfect for you! Mmm, Brussels pops… yum?

Reddit/Uberalles123456789

20. For this high school’s senior class prank, they managed to pull off one of those pranks that’s so simple to achieve and so precise that it looks like a work of art. Just observe this obstacle course of styrofoam water cups, and bask in its glory.

Reddit/evanallmighty7

21. We all know the existential battle of mankind vs. cling wrap, and how difficult it can be just to get a single piece to cover that half-eaten vegetable in the fridge. So imagine the sheer anguish at discovering your ride had fallen prey to this most ugh-worthy of pranks.

Instagram/chefbellatoland

22. This is the Jackson Pollock of bedroom pranks. It’s raw, it’s unhinged, it’s random, and it’s ferocious, lacking any rhyme or reason. With just a few strips of strong tape, you can properly and thoroughly ruin your roommate’s day. Game on!

Reddit/thelittlepie

23. Who knew painting tiles was so easy? These coworkers really thought outside of the box, or rather, cubicle. Even after going through all the trouble to redesign this work space as a bathroom, they get extra points for that curtain: it’s all about the reveal!

Flickr/mikegallo

24. Ah, the old rubber band around the phone prank. So cost-effective, so primitive, and yet so aggravating. Let’s just hope whoever’s office phone this is doesn’t have any important conference calls to make that day — or a sharp pair of scissors on hand.

Flickr/furryscaly

25. This epic prank is so clever because of its absolute absurdity. Just imagine being the victim of this practical joke and having your voicemail inundated with a bunch of random people leaving you a message yelling “NGRARRRRWWRRRRR” and then hanging up.

Reddit/wwryan

26. As far as epically gross pranks go, this one is downright foul. Who even knew there was such a thing as shrimp-scented spray in the first place? Regardless, this is one of the nastiest games of dress-up we’ve ever witnessed.

Imgur/PuntCuncher

27. The use of Jigsaw from the gruesome Saw horror film series here was very calculated and precise, because whoever gets stranded without any toilet paper and is forced to use this duct tape could find themselves in a world of horror.

Imgur/NobuNagaa

28. When the owner of this bedroom asked his friends for some help redesigning the place, it’s safe to say this probably wasn’t exactly what he had in mind. At bare minimum, if there’s ever a power outage, he’ll have plenty of reading material.

Twitter/@JessNagy

29. Hell hath no fury like an aggressive shopper. Thankfully, whoever was the victim of this shopping cart trap, could easily extricate themselves — albeit risking the potential to ruin their pain job. Otherwise, it’s time to call in a forklift.

Imgur/potatoetatie

30. As the story behind this unusual prank goes, this makeshift shrine was set up by the recipient’s roommate, after hearing his friend would be bringing his date home that night. Needless to say, whoever the lucky gal was, upon seeing this, would likely run for the hills.

Twitter/@deno_tron

31. Think you know office pranks? You know nothing. With a bit of imagination, a pile of spare keyboards can be used to properly replicate the Iron Throne from Game of Thrones. The prankster even added that delicate final touch of suspended dragons flying above the coveted chair.

Reddit/navri

32. Remember all those excellent cutting and gluing skills you learned in elementary school? It was all to prepare you for this moment. When your prank target turns on the lampshade, there’s a fair chance the results will be heard in the next county over.

Instagram/jameson129

33. Whoever ensnared this office desk in spiderwebs obviously decided their Halloween ought to be filled with far more trick than treat. At least those are fake cobwebs, otherwise we’d have some serious concerns to be brought to HR’s attention.

Flickr/Joe Goldberg

34. Question: how do you show your office companion just how much you care about them on the anniversary of their arrival in the world? Answer: by coating everything, literally everything they own in their work space, in aluminum foil — and no, those aren’t presents.

Instagram/123internet

35. When you want to fool your friends into thinking you’re generous when in reality it’s just a convenient cover-up for your cruel, cruel heart, few pranks could be quite so satisfying as making caramel onions — and even mixing them with apples to make a game of Russian roulette.

Reddit/Aresome_Username

36. Okay, so to properly execute this most random of pranks will require some bonus materials that you may not necessarily have just lying around the house. This is probably not what one would think when they hear “there’s a chick in the bathroom.”

Reddit/jbreezy13

37. So you and your roommates had a house party, complete with the prerequisite sketchy red plastic cups, but you overshot the amount of guests and are left with all these spare ones. What to do, what to do…

Reddit/the_tapatio_man

38. It’s probably safe to say you weren’t expecting your trip to the lavatory to be quite this festive. But then again, the finest of pranks strike when you least expect them. Let’s hope this person didn’t get winded: that’s a lot of balloons to blow up!

Twitter/@love_bughh

39. This prank is the ultimate rebellion against fast food. Finding vegetables when you were expecting those crispy hot little McNuggets would be enough of a bummer, but just be glad whoever tricked you didn’t think of putting something else in there…like, for example, a spider…

Imgur/LamStock

40. Having dreams of shadowy figures is a primal fear for many people. So naturally, rounding the corner when you’ve just woken up from a deep sleep and need a glass of water, this is the last thing you’d want to see.

Reddit/sg804

41. This flag cake prank works for an epic trolling of international proportions. Whether it’s a Canadian friend dishing it out to Americans on the Fourth of July, or an American friend giving a subtle dig on Canada Day, it’s bound to get some well-deserved groans.

Imgur/DrewMalesky

42. Look closely and you’ll realize why this is subtly one of the most mischievous pranks out there. Hidden inside those ice cubes are Mentos. And if you have had any Internet access for the past decade, you very well know what happens when these minty candies make contact with soda.

Reddit/GLman16

43. This one is sure to leave the subject of this crusty prank scratching their head wondering what the prankster’s thought process was. It’s as though they had limited resources, but were determined to pull a joke on their friend.

Instagram/jenniwrenn5

44. Can’t you taste the disappointment? It’s bad enough discovering someone’s eaten your ice cream but left the carton in the freezer. But cleaning the empty container out, filling it with water, and letting that water freeze to give the illusion of weight is just so mean.

Reddit/crazyphoenix

45. Old vegetables starting to go bad? No problem, there’s a pop-culture specific prank just waiting to be pulled off. Of course, this friendly little surprise requires the subject to have at least a passing knowledge of Rick and Morty, but hey! It’s funny no matter what.

Instagram/lunaslipstream

46. Office supplies wars can get absolutely brutal. This perpetrator was apparently not planning on backing down any time soon, and found a simple and perfectly effective way to get his or her point across. Forensics experts may soon be needed at the scene.

Instagram/screamjar

47. This prank could go several different ways. For the desk owner, more likely than not, they realize they’d been pranked. But for another office worker, especially one who hadn’t yet had their morning coffee, seeing this scene might just send them into a tizzy.

Instagram/vary.mu

48. We all know someone like this: those excruciatingly annoying practical jokesters who just have to take our word literally. Yes, just as you can imagine, the hapless victim of this hilarious prank was told there was a ‘leak’ in the bathroom. Aren’t homonyms the best?

Instagram/gessicapizzuto

49. It’s always nice to have a joyful celebration await you when you walk into a room. That being said, being greeted by the bang of these poppers could well be enough to make you paranoid about opening doors for a long time.

Instagram/cathann24

50. Sure, we all have that one grandparent who reminds us what it was like growing up during the Great Depression. But something tells us that this delightful recipe was not included in their diet.

Imgur/freebasecatnip

Sources: Ranker, Buzzfeed

Tags:

april-fools

diy

entertainment

funny

funny-jokes

hilarious

jokes

practical-jokes

pranks

from [Latest News] – Icepop: Epic Pranks That Are So Brilliant We Can’t Believe We Didn’t Think Of Them Ourselves via [Latest News] – Icepop: Epic Pranks That Are So Brilliant We Can’t Believe We Didn’t Think Of Them Ourselves August 27, 2019 at 06:35PM Copyright © August 27, 2019 at 06:35PM

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[Latest News] – Icepop: Epic Pranks That Are So Brilliant We Can’t Believe We Didn’t Think Of Them Ourselves

[Latest News] – Icepop: Epic Pranks That Are So Brilliant We Can’t Believe We Didn’t Think Of Them Ourselves – Icepop Epic Pranks That Are So Brilliant We Can't Believe We Didn't Think Of Them Ourselves Tuesday 27 August 2019 08:40 AM UTC-05 | Tags: april-fools diy entertainment funny funny-jokes hilarious jokes practical-jokes pranks 1. Some pranks achieve their goal quite simply, while others require a pretty incredible amount of dedication. Just imagine how hard it was to design this masterful car seat replica — and all the poor drive-thru window workers that it managed to terrify. Imgur/EirgB 2. Regardless of whether or not you’ve seen the Alien movie franchise and know that this is a much-dreaded facehugger, opening the door to your fridge half-asleep for a midnight snack and finding this sight greeting you is one giant NOPE. Reddit/surferchik 3. Excruciatingly irritating vehicle pranks deserve to be in a class of their own. This one is so simple yet so effective, it’s practically genius: with the mere use of cotton balls dipped in water on a freezing cold night, you’ve given your friend (or enemy?) hours of annoyance. Tumblr/crystaljasmin 4. Surprise! Just when you thought that public spaces such as your friendly local grocery store were safe from pranks, you encounter this vile trick snake patiently awaiting your shrieks in the produce section. Wonder if they’ll ever ‘lettuce’ back in again? Imgur/eH0bMTb 5. Few acts of injustice in the world are deserving of a life-term prison sentence. Yet this is an act so heinous, so egregious, so sickeningly twisted, that we’re bummed we didn’t come up with it on our own first. Twitter/@djksting 6. C’mon, first world! There are hungry people out there! Must you waste your cereal in the name of this faceplant-worthy little prank? The only thing worse than the waste of food here would be if some eco-conscious samaritan cleaned up the scene as any ravenous breakfast-easter would. Ewbnb! Instagram/roxyawesomeface 7. Looks like after years of getting harassed and barked at by the family dog, the mailman got just plain fed up and decided to deliver a little something besides mail. Signed, sealed, delivered! Tumblr/blaaargh 8. There are several things that are safe to assume here. Firstly, that this bird foot is (hopefully) not real, and secondly, whoever accidentally ends up finding it is highly likely to jump out of their skins. Instagram/huntgathercook 9. Come on, dude, it’s time to rally. Doesn’t it just drive you crazy when that one friend can’t keep up with the beer pong and passes out in the middle of a game? Punishment pranks are fun alright, but this balancing act is sheer art. Reddit/ighostship 10. It’s the small things in life that can often be irritating beyond description. For this most sinister of epic pranks, paint a bar of soap with clear nail polish. Then watch as the victim struggles wondering how the should-be-suds could end up being defective. Reddit/thebobstu 11. You’ve heard of air horns before, sure, but what about chairhorns? Neither has your unfortunate unsuspecting office mate probably, but chances are, it’s an experience they’ll never forget, and nor will all those poor souls in the vicinity who will lose temporary use of their eardrums. Reddit/pivottofakie 12. Whoever thinks up elaborate and time-consumingly epic pranks like this deserves a word of praise. It’s a mischievous trick that’s both incredibly detailed and color-coordinated. It may take a long and frustrating amount of time to undo, but, frankly, looks so darn pretty! Imgur/ICanDrawFish 13. What makes spiders so appealing as the key ingredient in so many pranks? Perhaps it’s because they’re so small yet so many humans share a deep-seated fear of them. Whatever’s the case, there’s bound to be someone out there who would take this warning seriously. Twitter/@SCHS_architect 14. Who could be so diabolical as to desecrate the most holy act of enjoying an Oreo cookie? This epic prank takes no prisoners. How weird would it be if the person eating it thought it was simply a tasty, mint-flavored version of everyone’s favorite cookie sandwich? Instagram/joelynnbonnotdds 15. Hot diggity dog! Just looking at this bizarre set-up is like one of those moments in The Matrix where all time and space freezes — except with frankfurters. Let’s just hope whoever lives in this room isn’t vegan. Reddit/twilliams9 16. Fancy a swing, anyone? This time-encompassing prank required some careful preparation, but the final product is absolutely flawless. What’s more, making this bedroom into an impromptu croquet field made barely any mess at all. That grass is perfectly trimmed. Reddit/udomolm 17. Is your coworker going on a long vacation, leaving their desk woefully unattended? Then here’s the chance for an epic prank that’s not only brilliant, but eco-friendly! By sewing seeds between their keyboard keys, you’ve created a problem that they’ll feel bad about having to destroy. Flickr/wetwebwork 18. They found love in a hungry place. Sure, food can be our friend when we’re in need of a bit of self-pampering. But opening the fridge to discover a whole new posse of seemingly sentient beings is euqal parts adorable and terrifying. Reddit/biggletits 19. Having trouble getting your kids to eat their veggies, while simultaneously seeking to give them a lifetime of trust issues? Then this epic prank is absolutely perfect for you! Mmm, Brussels pops… yum? Reddit/Uberalles123456789 20. For this high school’s senior class prank, they managed to pull off one of those pranks that’s so simple to achieve and so precise that it looks like a work of art. Just observe this obstacle course of styrofoam water cups, and bask in its glory. Reddit/evanallmighty7 21. We all know the existential battle of mankind vs. cling wrap, and how difficult it can be just to get a single piece to cover that half-eaten vegetable in the fridge. So imagine the sheer anguish at discovering your ride had fallen prey to this most ugh-worthy of pranks. Instagram/chefbellatoland 22. This is the Jackson Pollock of bedroom pranks. It’s raw, it’s unhinged, it’s random, and it’s ferocious, lacking any rhyme or reason. With just a few strips of strong tape, you can properly and thoroughly ruin your roommate’s day. Game on! Reddit/thelittlepie 23. Who knew painting tiles was so easy? These coworkers really thought outside of the box, or rather, cubicle. Even after going through all the trouble to redesign this work space as a bathroom, they get extra points for that curtain: it’s all about the reveal! Flickr/mikegallo 24. Ah, the old rubber band around the phone prank. So cost-effective, so primitive, and yet so aggravating. Let’s just hope whoever’s office phone this is doesn’t have any important conference calls to make that day — or a sharp pair of scissors on hand. Flickr/furryscaly 25. This epic prank is so clever because of its absolute absurdity. Just imagine being the victim of this practical joke and having your voicemail inundated with a bunch of random people leaving you a message yelling “NGRARRRRWWRRRRR” and then hanging up. Reddit/wwryan 26. As far as epically gross pranks go, this one is downright foul. Who even knew there was such a thing as shrimp-scented spray in the first place? Regardless, this is one of the nastiest games of dress-up we’ve ever witnessed. Imgur/PuntCuncher 27. The use of Jigsaw from the gruesome Saw horror film series here was very calculated and precise, because whoever gets stranded without any toilet paper and is forced to use this duct tape could find themselves in a world of horror. Imgur/NobuNagaa 28. When the owner of this bedroom asked his friends for some help redesigning the place, it’s safe to say this probably wasn’t exactly what he had in mind. At bare minimum, if there’s ever a power outage, he’ll have plenty of reading material. Twitter/@JessNagy 29. Hell hath no fury like an aggressive shopper. Thankfully, whoever was the victim of this shopping cart trap, could easily extricate themselves — albeit risking the potential to ruin their pain job. Otherwise, it’s time to call in a forklift. Imgur/potatoetatie 30. As the story behind this unusual prank goes, this makeshift shrine was set up by the recipient’s roommate, after hearing his friend would be bringing his date home that night. Needless to say, whoever the lucky gal was, upon seeing this, would likely run for the hills. Twitter/@deno_tron 31. Think you know office pranks? You know nothing. With a bit of imagination, a pile of spare keyboards can be used to properly replicate the Iron Throne from Game of Thrones. The prankster even added that delicate final touch of suspended dragons flying above the coveted chair. Reddit/navri 32. Remember all those excellent cutting and gluing skills you learned in elementary school? It was all to prepare you for this moment. When your prank target turns on the lampshade, there’s a fair chance the results will be heard in the next county over. Instagram/jameson129 33. Whoever ensnared this office desk in spiderwebs obviously decided their Halloween ought to be filled with far more trick than treat. At least those are fake cobwebs, otherwise we’d have some serious concerns to be brought to HR’s attention. Flickr/Joe Goldberg 34. Question: how do you show your office companion just how much you care about them on the anniversary of their arrival in the world? Answer: by coating everything, literally everything they own in their work space, in aluminum foil — and no, those aren’t presents. Instagram/123internet 35. When you want to fool your friends into thinking you’re generous when in reality it’s just a convenient cover-up for your cruel, cruel heart, few pranks could be quite so satisfying as making caramel onions — and even mixing them with apples to make a game of Russian roulette. Reddit/Aresome_Username 36. Okay, so to properly execute this most random of pranks will require some bonus materials that you may not necessarily have just lying around the house. This is probably not what one would think when they hear “there’s a chick in the bathroom.” Reddit/jbreezy13 37. So you and your roommates had a house party, complete with the prerequisite sketchy red plastic cups, but you overshot the amount of guests and are left with all these spare ones. What to do, what to do… Reddit/the_tapatio_man 38. It’s probably safe to say you weren’t expecting your trip to the lavatory to be quite this festive. But then again, the finest of pranks strike when you least expect them. Let’s hope this person didn’t get winded: that’s a lot of balloons to blow up! Twitter/@love_bughh 39. This prank is the ultimate rebellion against fast food. Finding vegetables when you were expecting those crispy hot little McNuggets would be enough of a bummer, but just be glad whoever tricked you didn’t think of putting something else in there…like, for example, a spider… Imgur/LamStock 40. Having dreams of shadowy figures is a primal fear for many people. So naturally, rounding the corner when you’ve just woken up from a deep sleep and need a glass of water, this is the last thing you’d want to see. Reddit/sg804 41. This flag cake prank works for an epic trolling of international proportions. Whether it’s a Canadian friend dishing it out to Americans on the Fourth of July, or an American friend giving a subtle dig on Canada Day, it’s bound to get some well-deserved groans. Imgur/DrewMalesky 42. Look closely and you’ll realize why this is subtly one of the most mischievous pranks out there. Hidden inside those ice cubes are Mentos. And if you have had any Internet access for the past decade, you very well know what happens when these minty candies make contact with soda. Reddit/GLman16 43. This one is sure to leave the subject of this crusty prank scratching their head wondering what the prankster’s thought process was. It’s as though they had limited resources, but were determined to pull a joke on their friend. Instagram/jenniwrenn5 44. Can’t you taste the disappointment? It’s bad enough discovering someone’s eaten your ice cream but left the carton in the freezer. But cleaning the empty container out, filling it with water, and letting that water freeze to give the illusion of weight is just so mean. Reddit/crazyphoenix 45. Old vegetables starting to go bad? No problem, there’s a pop-culture specific prank just waiting to be pulled off. Of course, this friendly little surprise requires the subject to have at least a passing knowledge of Rick and Morty, but hey! It’s funny no matter what. Instagram/lunaslipstream 46. Office supplies wars can get absolutely brutal. This perpetrator was apparently not planning on backing down any time soon, and found a simple and perfectly effective way to get his or her point across. Forensics experts may soon be needed at the scene. Instagram/screamjar 47. This prank could go several different ways. For the desk owner, more likely than not, they realize they’d been pranked. But for another office worker, especially one who hadn’t yet had their morning coffee, seeing this scene might just send them into a tizzy. Instagram/vary.mu 48. We all know someone like this: those excruciatingly annoying practical jokesters who just have to take our word literally. Yes, just as you can imagine, the hapless victim of this hilarious prank was told there was a ‘leak’ in the bathroom. Aren’t homonyms the best? Instagram/gessicapizzuto 49. It’s always nice to have a joyful celebration await you when you walk into a room. That being said, being greeted by the bang of these poppers could well be enough to make you paranoid about opening doors for a long time. Instagram/cathann24 50. Sure, we all have that one grandparent who reminds us what it was like growing up during the Great Depression. But something tells us that this delightful recipe was not included in their diet. Imgur/freebasecatnip Sources: Ranker, Buzzfeed Tags: april-fools diy entertainment funny funny-jokes hilarious jokes practical-jokes pranks from [Latest News] – Icepop: Epic Pranks That Are So Brilliant We Can’t Believe We Didn’t Think Of Them Ourselves via [Latest News] – Icepop: Epic Pranks That Are So Brilliant We Can’t Believe We Didn’t Think Of Them Ourselves August 27, 2019 at 05:35PM Copyright © August 27, 2019 at 05:35PM from Abogados Medellin llama 320 542 9469 Colombia https://boston-massachusetts-02108.blogspot.com/2019/08/latest-news-icepop-epic-pranks-that-are.html via [Latest News] – Icepop: Epic Pranks That Are So Brilliant We Can’t Believe We Didn’t Think Of Them Ourselves

#[Latest News] – Icepop: Epic Pranks That Are So Brilliant We Can’t Believe We Didn’t Think Of Them O

[wflinches]

[Latest News] – Icepop: Epic Pranks That Are So Brilliant We Can’t Believe We Didn’t Think Of Them Ourselves

– Icepop

Epic Pranks That Are So Brilliant We Can't Believe We Didn't Think Of Them Ourselves

Tuesday 27 August 2019 08:40 AM UTC-05 | Tags: april-fools diy entertainment funny funny-jokes hilarious jokes practical-jokes pranks

1. Some pranks achieve their goal quite simply, while others require a pretty incredible amount of dedication. Just imagine how hard it was to design this masterful car seat replica — and all the poor drive-thru window workers that it managed to terrify.

Imgur/EirgB

2. Regardless of whether or not you’ve seen the Alien movie franchise and know that this is a much-dreaded facehugger, opening the door to your fridge half-asleep for a midnight snack and finding this sight greeting you is one giant NOPE.

Reddit/surferchik

3. Excruciatingly irritating vehicle pranks deserve to be in a class of their own. This one is so simple yet so effective, it’s practically genius: with the mere use of cotton balls dipped in water on a freezing cold night, you’ve given your friend (or enemy?) hours of annoyance.

Tumblr/crystaljasmin

4. Surprise! Just when you thought that public spaces such as your friendly local grocery store were safe from pranks, you encounter this vile trick snake patiently awaiting your shrieks in the produce section. Wonder if they’ll ever ‘lettuce’ back in again?

Imgur/eH0bMTb

5. Few acts of injustice in the world are deserving of a life-term prison sentence. Yet this is an act so heinous, so egregious, so sickeningly twisted, that we’re bummed we didn’t come up with it on our own first.

Twitter/@djksting

6. C’mon, first world! There are hungry people out there! Must you waste your cereal in the name of this faceplant-worthy little prank? The only thing worse than the waste of food here would be if some eco-conscious samaritan cleaned up the scene as any ravenous breakfast-easter would. Ewbnb!

Instagram/roxyawesomeface

7. Looks like after years of getting harassed and barked at by the family dog, the mailman got just plain fed up and decided to deliver a little something besides mail. Signed, sealed, delivered!

Tumblr/blaaargh

8. There are several things that are safe to assume here. Firstly, that this bird foot is (hopefully) not real, and secondly, whoever accidentally ends up finding it is highly likely to jump out of their skins.

Instagram/huntgathercook

9. Come on, dude, it’s time to rally. Doesn’t it just drive you crazy when that one friend can’t keep up with the beer pong and passes out in the middle of a game? Punishment pranks are fun alright, but this balancing act is sheer art.

Reddit/ighostship

10. It’s the small things in life that can often be irritating beyond description. For this most sinister of epic pranks, paint a bar of soap with clear nail polish. Then watch as the victim struggles wondering how the should-be-suds could end up being defective.

Reddit/thebobstu

11. You’ve heard of air horns before, sure, but what about chairhorns? Neither has your unfortunate unsuspecting office mate probably, but chances are, it’s an experience they’ll never forget, and nor will all those poor souls in the vicinity who will lose temporary use of their eardrums.

Reddit/pivottofakie

12. Whoever thinks up elaborate and time-consumingly epic pranks like this deserves a word of praise. It’s a mischievous trick that’s both incredibly detailed and color-coordinated. It may take a long and frustrating amount of time to undo, but, frankly, looks so darn pretty!

Imgur/ICanDrawFish

13. What makes spiders so appealing as the key ingredient in so many pranks? Perhaps it’s because they’re so small yet so many humans share a deep-seated fear of them. Whatever’s the case, there’s bound to be someone out there who would take this warning seriously.

Twitter/@SCHS_architect

14. Who could be so diabolical as to desecrate the most holy act of enjoying an Oreo cookie? This epic prank takes no prisoners. How weird would it be if the person eating it thought it was simply a tasty, mint-flavored version of everyone’s favorite cookie sandwich?

Instagram/joelynnbonnotdds

15. Hot diggity dog! Just looking at this bizarre set-up is like one of those moments in The Matrix where all time and space freezes — except with frankfurters. Let’s just hope whoever lives in this room isn’t vegan.

Reddit/twilliams9

16. Fancy a swing, anyone? This time-encompassing prank required some careful preparation, but the final product is absolutely flawless. What’s more, making this bedroom into an impromptu croquet field made barely any mess at all. That grass is perfectly trimmed.

Reddit/udomolm

17. Is your coworker going on a long vacation, leaving their desk woefully unattended? Then here’s the chance for an epic prank that’s not only brilliant, but eco-friendly! By sewing seeds between their keyboard keys, you’ve created a problem that they’ll feel bad about having to destroy.

Flickr/wetwebwork

18. They found love in a hungry place. Sure, food can be our friend when we’re in need of a bit of self-pampering. But opening the fridge to discover a whole new posse of seemingly sentient beings is euqal parts adorable and terrifying.

Reddit/biggletits

19. Having trouble getting your kids to eat their veggies, while simultaneously seeking to give them a lifetime of trust issues? Then this epic prank is absolutely perfect for you! Mmm, Brussels pops… yum?

Reddit/Uberalles123456789

20. For this high school’s senior class prank, they managed to pull off one of those pranks that’s so simple to achieve and so precise that it looks like a work of art. Just observe this obstacle course of styrofoam water cups, and bask in its glory.

Reddit/evanallmighty7

21. We all know the existential battle of mankind vs. cling wrap, and how difficult it can be just to get a single piece to cover that half-eaten vegetable in the fridge. So imagine the sheer anguish at discovering your ride had fallen prey to this most ugh-worthy of pranks.

Instagram/chefbellatoland

22. This is the Jackson Pollock of bedroom pranks. It’s raw, it’s unhinged, it’s random, and it’s ferocious, lacking any rhyme or reason. With just a few strips of strong tape, you can properly and thoroughly ruin your roommate’s day. Game on!

Reddit/thelittlepie

23. Who knew painting tiles was so easy? These coworkers really thought outside of the box, or rather, cubicle. Even after going through all the trouble to redesign this work space as a bathroom, they get extra points for that curtain: it’s all about the reveal!

Flickr/mikegallo

24. Ah, the old rubber band around the phone prank. So cost-effective, so primitive, and yet so aggravating. Let’s just hope whoever’s office phone this is doesn’t have any important conference calls to make that day — or a sharp pair of scissors on hand.

Flickr/furryscaly

25. This epic prank is so clever because of its absolute absurdity. Just imagine being the victim of this practical joke and having your voicemail inundated with a bunch of random people leaving you a message yelling “NGRARRRRWWRRRRR” and then hanging up.

Reddit/wwryan

26. As far as epically gross pranks go, this one is downright foul. Who even knew there was such a thing as shrimp-scented spray in the first place? Regardless, this is one of the nastiest games of dress-up we’ve ever witnessed.

Imgur/PuntCuncher

27. The use of Jigsaw from the gruesome Saw horror film series here was very calculated and precise, because whoever gets stranded without any toilet paper and is forced to use this duct tape could find themselves in a world of horror.

Imgur/NobuNagaa

28. When the owner of this bedroom asked his friends for some help redesigning the place, it’s safe to say this probably wasn’t exactly what he had in mind. At bare minimum, if there’s ever a power outage, he’ll have plenty of reading material.

Twitter/@JessNagy

29. Hell hath no fury like an aggressive shopper. Thankfully, whoever was the victim of this shopping cart trap, could easily extricate themselves — albeit risking the potential to ruin their pain job. Otherwise, it’s time to call in a forklift.

Imgur/potatoetatie

30. As the story behind this unusual prank goes, this makeshift shrine was set up by the recipient’s roommate, after hearing his friend would be bringing his date home that night. Needless to say, whoever the lucky gal was, upon seeing this, would likely run for the hills.

Twitter/@deno_tron

31. Think you know office pranks? You know nothing. With a bit of imagination, a pile of spare keyboards can be used to properly replicate the Iron Throne from Game of Thrones. The prankster even added that delicate final touch of suspended dragons flying above the coveted chair.

Reddit/navri

32. Remember all those excellent cutting and gluing skills you learned in elementary school? It was all to prepare you for this moment. When your prank target turns on the lampshade, there’s a fair chance the results will be heard in the next county over.

Instagram/jameson129

33. Whoever ensnared this office desk in spiderwebs obviously decided their Halloween ought to be filled with far more trick than treat. At least those are fake cobwebs, otherwise we’d have some serious concerns to be brought to HR’s attention.

Flickr/Joe Goldberg

34. Question: how do you show your office companion just how much you care about them on the anniversary of their arrival in the world? Answer: by coating everything, literally everything they own in their work space, in aluminum foil — and no, those aren’t presents.

Instagram/123internet

35. When you want to fool your friends into thinking you’re generous when in reality it’s just a convenient cover-up for your cruel, cruel heart, few pranks could be quite so satisfying as making caramel onions — and even mixing them with apples to make a game of Russian roulette.

Reddit/Aresome_Username

36. Okay, so to properly execute this most random of pranks will require some bonus materials that you may not necessarily have just lying around the house. This is probably not what one would think when they hear “there’s a chick in the bathroom.”

Reddit/jbreezy13

37. So you and your roommates had a house party, complete with the prerequisite sketchy red plastic cups, but you overshot the amount of guests and are left with all these spare ones. What to do, what to do…

Reddit/the_tapatio_man

38. It’s probably safe to say you weren’t expecting your trip to the lavatory to be quite this festive. But then again, the finest of pranks strike when you least expect them. Let’s hope this person didn’t get winded: that’s a lot of balloons to blow up!

Twitter/@love_bughh

39. This prank is the ultimate rebellion against fast food. Finding vegetables when you were expecting those crispy hot little McNuggets would be enough of a bummer, but just be glad whoever tricked you didn’t think of putting something else in there…like, for example, a spider…

Imgur/LamStock

40. Having dreams of shadowy figures is a primal fear for many people. So naturally, rounding the corner when you’ve just woken up from a deep sleep and need a glass of water, this is the last thing you’d want to see.

Reddit/sg804

41. This flag cake prank works for an epic trolling of international proportions. Whether it’s a Canadian friend dishing it out to Americans on the Fourth of July, or an American friend giving a subtle dig on Canada Day, it’s bound to get some well-deserved groans.

Imgur/DrewMalesky

42. Look closely and you’ll realize why this is subtly one of the most mischievous pranks out there. Hidden inside those ice cubes are Mentos. And if you have had any Internet access for the past decade, you very well know what happens when these minty candies make contact with soda.

Reddit/GLman16

43. This one is sure to leave the subject of this crusty prank scratching their head wondering what the prankster’s thought process was. It’s as though they had limited resources, but were determined to pull a joke on their friend.

Instagram/jenniwrenn5

44. Can’t you taste the disappointment? It’s bad enough discovering someone’s eaten your ice cream but left the carton in the freezer. But cleaning the empty container out, filling it with water, and letting that water freeze to give the illusion of weight is just so mean.

Reddit/crazyphoenix

45. Old vegetables starting to go bad? No problem, there’s a pop-culture specific prank just waiting to be pulled off. Of course, this friendly little surprise requires the subject to have at least a passing knowledge of Rick and Morty, but hey! It’s funny no matter what.

Instagram/lunaslipstream

46. Office supplies wars can get absolutely brutal. This perpetrator was apparently not planning on backing down any time soon, and found a simple and perfectly effective way to get his or her point across. Forensics experts may soon be needed at the scene.

Instagram/screamjar

47. This prank could go several different ways. For the desk owner, more likely than not, they realize they’d been pranked. But for another office worker, especially one who hadn’t yet had their morning coffee, seeing this scene might just send them into a tizzy.

Instagram/vary.mu

48. We all know someone like this: those excruciatingly annoying practical jokesters who just have to take our word literally. Yes, just as you can imagine, the hapless victim of this hilarious prank was told there was a ‘leak’ in the bathroom. Aren’t homonyms the best?

Instagram/gessicapizzuto

49. It’s always nice to have a joyful celebration await you when you walk into a room. That being said, being greeted by the bang of these poppers could well be enough to make you paranoid about opening doors for a long time.

Instagram/cathann24

50. Sure, we all have that one grandparent who reminds us what it was like growing up during the Great Depression. But something tells us that this delightful recipe was not included in their diet.

Imgur/freebasecatnip

Sources: Ranker, Buzzfeed

Tags:

april-fools

diy

entertainment

funny

funny-jokes

hilarious

jokes

practical-jokes

pranks

from [Latest News] – Icepop: Epic Pranks That Are So Brilliant We Can’t Believe We Didn’t Think Of Them Ourselves via [Latest News] – Icepop: Epic Pranks That Are So Brilliant We Can’t Believe We Didn’t Think Of Them Ourselves August 27, 2019 at 06:35PM Copyright © August 27, 2019 at 06:35PM

#Charlottesville #Virginia Credit Repair | [phone]

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 23 April 2018

Quick Bits:

Abbott #4 gives us the penultimate issue to the series, dropping all the pieces together to put Abbott on the path to discovery what is going on with all the death and paranormal stuff. The layouts from Sami Kavelä just elevates the storytelling to the next level.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Aliens: Dust to Dust #1 is a fairly visceral beginning to this new min-series written and illustrated by Gabriel Hardman (with colours from Rain Beredo). It starts in terror as Maxon begins seeing violence outside his window and finds a facehugger attached to his mother, and just explodes from there with the colony world of LV-871 overrun by xenomorphs. 

| Published by Dark Horse

Avengers #690 brings both “No Surrender” and this volume of Avengers to an end, serving as a coda to the series, tying up some loose ends, saying some goodbyes--especially as many of the X-Men characters seem to be going back home--and setting up some of the things to come. This has been a great story, with some wonderful art along the way, that well-encapsulated this era of the Avengers while presenting a fairly widescreen epic. 

| Published by Marvel

Big Trouble in Little China: Old Man Jack #8 is the big confrontation with Ching Dai and it’s...not what you’d expect. Great art as usual from Jorge Corona.

| Published by BOOM! Studio

Bloodborne #3 is filled will existential dread. Particularly with the idea of that unknown, unseen terror hanging above your head, waiting to pounce. And of monsters being everywhere.

| Published by Titan

Cyber Force #2 continues the slow burn rebuilding and reintroduction of the team and their antagonists, with this issue mainly focusing on Velocity discovering the extent of her powers and revealing the updated version of Killjoy. Like the first issue, much of the story is similar, but the details get fleshed out a bit more and the look of the characters tends to be a bit different. It does highlight the differences in comics storytelling between today and twenty-five years ago. What used to be told in a handful of panels or a throwaway line now takes half an issue.

| Published by Image / Top Cow

Deep Roots #1 is another stellar debut from Vault, with absolutely gorgeous artwork from Val Rodrigues and Triona Farrell. The story...is a bit Swamp Thing-y, but not. It’s strange. Dan Watters excels at strange.

| Published by Vault

Doctor Strange #389 continues this necessary chunk of the “Damnation” event, revealing how Strange exited the depths of hell in order to get back to Las Vegas. Its structure is a bit odd, given that it’s actually told as a flashback, breaking with how the arc has been presented up until now, and it skips over what actually happens in Damnation #4, but it’s still entertaining. Donny Cates adds quite a few bits of reactive humour and the art from Niko Henrichon continues to be astounding.

| Published by Marvel

Doctor Strange: Damnation #4 concludes the event. I’ve enjoyed it overall, with some great moments spread across the constituent parts, but the main series itself has been told in a fairly oblique manner, leaving important details up to the tie-ins of Doctor Strange and Johnny Blaze. I don’t mind, personally, but if you’re only reading Damnation, it would feel a bit choppy. I am hoping that the tease of more Midnight Sons bears fruit. Some great art again from both Rod Reis and Szymon Kudranski. 

| Published by Marvel

Dungeons & Dragons: Evil at Baldur’s Gate #1 returns the adventuring party home and has them scatter almost immediately, leaving Minsc and Boo to find their own misadventure about the city. Being Minsc and Boo-centric, Jim Zub opts for a story that’s a little sillier than usual, but it’s very welcome.

| Published by IDW

Exiles #2 is a rather fun comic, finishing up the gathering of the team, as they hop from realities under threat from the desiccated corpse version of Galactus that is the Time Eater. The differing realities that Saladin Ahmed is playing with here transcends earlier versions with the inclusion of Wolvie, allowing for a radically different interpretation and style of comics not often included in these kinds of reality hopping stories. It gives a nice bit of comic relief and allows Javier Rodríguez to further flex his artistic muscle. Between stylistic changes, layouts, and panel transitions, this is a damn good looking comic. Rodríguez, Álvaro López, and Chris O’Halloran are making the art as adventurous as the story.

| Published by Marvel

Gasolina #7 returns with Amalia and Randy hiding out and playing house with Amalia’s nephew, who is still somehow alive with one of those alien bug things in him. It’s still kind of weird how Sean Mackiewicz is presenting this mix of oddities with a more standard crime narrative, where the aliens/whatever-they-are are just about the least important thing. It’s a nice approach, drawing out the more “normal” aspects comparatively.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Grass Kings #14 drops one hell of a bombshell in this penultimate issue. Matt Kindt, Tyler & Hilary Jenkins are ensuring that this series goes out on a high note.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Hunt for Wolverine #1 is a pretty good start to this event, even if ultimately the premise of Wolverine missing--when he’s been hopping around the Marvel Universe just missing anyone--is a little ridiculous. I mean, if he still has an Infinity Stone, despite the recent flowchart in Infinity Countdown #2, it makes a bit of sense, but otherwise... Anyway, Charles Soule, David Marquez, and Rachelle Rosenberg put together a great lead story, setting up the mystery of Logan’s missing body, and it remains to be seen how and why he actually came back. The second story, from Soule, Paulo Siquiera, Walden Wong, and Ruth Redmond then essentially sets up the spin-off series with the different teams looking for Wolverine.

| Published by Marvel

Ice Cream Man #4 serves up another cone of seriously strange horror. Like if you made beer-flavoured ice cream and topped it with bits of chocolate-covered grasshopper. This one features an outing between an estranged friend and the friend’s deadbeat dad after his funeral and it just gets more bizarre from there.

| Published by Image

Jeepers Creepers #1 is not something I ever expected to see. Although the first two movies were relatively successful, at the very least as cult horror flicks, I would have thought the surprisingly released third film and Victor Salva’s reputation killed the chance of this as a viable property that anyone would want to associate with. But here we are. In any event, Marc Andreyko pens an interesting story. Aside from the nods to the films like the Creeper’s truck, we mainly follow a grad student as he searches for connections between the Creeper and Aztec mythology. Not a bad premise, even if it feels like it’s coming from left field. The art from Kewber Baal, with colours by Jorge Sutil, is also pretty nice.

| Published by Dynamite

Kill or Be Killed #18 takes a bit of a sidestep as we head toward the series’ conclusion. I love when Ed Brubaker starts laying out the steps in a crime, or in a case as it were, and this issue follows the task force assigned to solving Dylan’s murders, especially in the wake of the death of the copycat they closed the case with. It’s interesting how the clues are presented and followed and as usual Sean Phillips and Elizabeth Breitweiser make it look gorgeous.

| Published by Image

KINO #5 begins the second arc, changing tone a bit as the series takes a darker turn with ChrisCross taking over the art duties here. Gone are the throwback styles of old comics and now we’ve got some stranger things as Alistair Meath has realized that he’s in some sort of simulation or...something. It’s an interesting shift, even with the introduction of Meath’s family in the real world, as the series seems to take on a more realistic, and slightly darker, tone, even though the real world sequences aren’t much different from what Joe Casey wrote in the previous issues.

| Published by Lion Forge / Catalyst Prime

The Mighty Thor #706 is a beautiful farewell to the Lady Thor, with some drop dead gorgeous artwork from Russell Dauterman and Matthew Wilson. This is a wonderful capstone to Jason Aaron and Dauterman’s run with Jane Foster and it will be interesting to see where Aaron goes next with the continuing war of the realms and the return of Thor Thor.

| Published by Marvel

Moon Knight #194 features some really nice guest art from Ty Templeton as Max Bemis pens a tale about a particularly dark period of Marc’s childhood. It’s a good single issue story dealing with some very heavy subject matter.

| Published by Marvel

Pathfinder: Spiral of Bones #2 features some really nice art from Tom Garcia and Morgan Hickman, as the story shifts to Valeros’ predicament of being dead and being mistaken for a particularly nasty individual. I enjoy how Crystal Frasier is expanding upon the Pathfinder concepts for the afterlife and Valeros’ situation is fairly funny, even if dire.

| Published by Dynamite

Sacred Creatures #6 was worth the wait. I know this series doesn’t get a lot of press, and often slips its schedule, but what Pablo Raimondi and Klaus Janson are crafting here is some pretty heady stuff, with reinterpretations of biblical epics and an entirely different take on the Nephilim and the Seven Deadly Sins (of which we learn there was an eighth this issue, Vanity, although vanity is usually just an example of pride). It’s good, it’s dense, and it’s beautifully illustrated.

| Published by Image

Strangers in Paradise XXV #3 keeps Katchoo on the path to find Stephanie Kelly. I love Terry Moore’s humour and this issue has it in spades.

| Published by Abstract Studio

Thanos Annual #1 is a collection of mostly dark humour stories of Thanos as told by a motley crew of creators, including the recently departed Thanos creative team of Donny Cates and Geoff Shaw, and a number of other luminaries like Al Ewing, Chris Hastings, Frazer Irving, Katie Cook, Kieron Gillen, and more. It’s a fun set of stories, also serving as a bit of bridge to the forthcoming Cosmic Ghost Rider mini-series.

| Published by Marvel

Witchblade #5 goes deeper in the darkness that has rooted itself deep within New York City’s underworld as Alex investigates a dirty cop, unveiling a web of corruption. We also get a really nice reveal at the end of the issue.

| Published by Image / Top Cow

X-Men Blue #26 unleashes more of Miss Sinister’s Mothervine plan across the world with secondary and tertiary mutations occurring, along with old depowered X-Men regaining powers. This feels bigger than something that’s just confined to one X-book, which is a testament to the level of storytelling Cullen Bunn is bringing here. While there are timeline quibbles, especially with Venomized going on currently that has already brought the original five back to Earth, it is entertaining to see Polaris’ new team in action.

| Published by Marvel

X-O Manowar #14 is one of the most beautiful and heartbreaking things you can read this week. Matt Kindt, Ariel Olivetti, and Dave Sharpe return Aric to Earth, but not to home.

| Published by Valiant

Other Highlights: All-New Wolverine #34, Archie #30, Babyteeth #10, The Beef #3, Black AF: Widows & Orphans #1, Crossroad Blues, Cult Classic: Return to Whisper #2, Days of Hate #4, The Despicable Deadpool #299, Factory #2, Giles #3, Harrow County #30, Hillbilly #9, Hit-Girl #3, Incidentals #8, Invincible Iron Man #599, Jim Henson’s Labyrinth: Coronation #3, Legion #4, Lockjaw #3, Lumberjanes #49, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Annual 2018, Now #3, Old Man Hawkeye #4, The Pervert, Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #303, The Prisoner #1, Reactor #3, Redneck #12, Regression #9, Rick & Morty #37, Saga #51, Shadowman #2, Sheena: Queen of the Jungle #8, Songs for the Dead #2, Spider-Gwen #31, Star Wars: Darth Vader #15, Star Wars: Doctor Aphra #19, Throwaways #13, Venom #165, Venomized #4, The Wilds #2

Recommended Collections: The Damned - Volume 2: Ill Gotten, Dead of Winter: Good Good Dog, Fear Agent: Final Edition - Volume 1, Goldie Vance - Volume 4, Hack/Slash: Resurrection - Volume 1, Heavy Vinyl, Jessica Jones - Volume 3: Return of the Purple Man, KINO - Volume 1: Escape from the Abyss, Lazarus Sourcebook Collection - Volume 1, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers - Volume 5, Spirits of Vengeance: War at the Gates of Hell, Star Wars: Darth Vader - Volume 2: Legacy’s End, Stumptown - Volume 2: The Case of the Baby in the Velvet Case

d. emerson eddy wonders.

#This Week in Comics