#something about him really just hits Riku's part of the brain particularly relatably | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

system-of-a-feather · 5 months

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Man, I'm (Fei, final fused state) listening to the Loki Season 2 Part 2 Soundtrack and the line "Purpose is often more burden than glory" really sticks with me cause man 0 if there is anything to summarize the core locus that defines the "Riku Part" in relation to the rest of the system, the thing that makes the basis for every elaborate dynamic and role they have with the other parts, it would be best summarized as "Purpose and/or Passion". Everything about their role in the system boils down to them being the sole carrier and center of purpose and passion and that they are functionally there to provide that not only for themselves but the entire system - and ever since our childhood / original host situation got fucked up around age 7-10 they've been living that on full drive as a host / one of the hosts / one of the most frequent fronters since then.

And honestly, having to be responsible for giving, providing, and generating a sense of purpose for the system - a genuine "why" to keep going - when growing up being abused, being targetted for MC-related stuff from a snake of a sister that was our "only non-abusive older person in our life" who gave us up to predators and left us for daring to be hurt by that, being disabled and having multiple mental health issues, being otherwise a lone, and having almost every friendship we invested to end with no closure (moved without goodbyes) or turned abusive - was both an insane pressure and a mammoth of a task, especially when you consider that save for the first and last two years, they were the ONLY host and they lived through MOST of the last half of our childhood

They had to experience and endure the garbage of life as a teen and then the climb out and survival in college as the main person experiencing it, and still - despite it all - keep their head up and never waver in their purpose because if THEY lost sight of it, if they stopped believing in it, if they wavered, the system as a whole would collapse beneath them. And that sounds like a catastophization, but as a fused state of all our parts, I can say for certain that - especially during any point before we graduated college - if they ever did genuinely stay down for more too long, we would have imploded. Most other parts don't have any motivation to heal, recovery, or keep trying. Most don't have motivation to try to do better or even really live on their own. Some parts - even with Riku's radiating vision - barely managed to hold faith in them to not just off and kill themselves or go off and commit crimes that would end in a rather short life.

And thats what XIV - hell most of the parts that are otherwise headstrong, angry and closed off and/or smarter, wiser, and more capable than Riku on their own - respected the most out of them despite the fact that they're fucking idiots 95% of the time. Out of context, Riku is really nothing special - they're stupid, they've got shitty stamina and are completely whiny about any level of physical discomfort, they are the worlds largest hypocrites because they know whats right and struggle A LOT to actually do what they suggest, they are control freaks and particular as fuck and there are alters here that can do almost everything way better than they can and yet a lot of the time they are stubborn and even though they CAN easily switch with any of the other parts, they choose to make themselves suffer. In our trauma therapist's words that Riku agreed to - they are addicted to their own misery. (Which probably comes from the fact that they find it easier to find and see their purpose better when they are suffering than when they aren't suffering)

All in all, Riku out of context is a very mediocre and an average normal person (a generalist, which isn't bad, but as a stubborn control freak it is very frustrating from the specialist views) in relevance to the rest of the frequent fronters (a lot of us being a lot more specialists in that we have very specific extreme skills and huge deficiencies elsewhere), but within the context - Riku is beyond a specialist in their sheer resilience and ability to always see something worthwhile in the garbage of everything.

In a similar but very very different way than XIV, they never loose because they never see an end to the "why" and more than anything else, thats what really got us to our place in life. Thats why I am able to sit here and be me, a fused whole for the time being, writing the genuine insight to the host of 15 or so years that somehow always kept their head up and kept trudging through.

It's why Riku as a part is known in this system for being the part that no part can genuinely hate for long. There are so many reasons a lot of parts have to hate them, or be frustrated with them, or want to usurp their central role to the system, but in the end of the day - they really believe in the most for all parts of our system, in the world, and others. They see the most potential in others and look at the most dismal situations and "give up on it" situations and both internally as a part, internally as a system, and to those around them, really dedicate to wanting to see people reach where they belong. To them, those they come to know have a place to be, a great thing to become - maybe for the world, maybe for society, maybe for their close peers, maybe just for themselves - and they just really genuinely like to see all that potential grow and flourish against all preconsceived notions of what is possible.

It's not anything "special" for them, it's just their way of existence because its their extreme that they got from our childhood, our trauma, and our disorder. They see potential - a why - in almost everything and anyone they spend enough time with and they love to see that why be realized.

I dunno, I feel like Riku and XIV have spent time trying to pinpoint and explain the nature of Riku and how - despite being considerably average to the other parts in the system - Riku is by far the most respected and loved parts in our system. Perhaps its cause they're so average as well that they are the best.

You know, "Sometimes the best horse is the worst horse, and the worst horse is best horse, because the best horse learns too easily and misses the marrow of the practice where as the worst horse will fail and struggle and yet persevere to deeply understand the practice and when that worst horse learns the practice, he will have a much deeper, much more full understanding and appreciation of the practice" - the allegory(?) from Shunryu Suzuki that our system loves, I think best summarizes the nature of Riku.

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