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clarafyer · 6 months

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Omnomnom dehydrated apple chips are some of my favorite safe foods

Actually yk what I'll ramble about my sensory shit

So like I've loved spicy, bold flavours like hot cheetos, curry, buffalo wings, etc, and I'll never not accept them as a safe food.

Sometimes though my sensory needs just- change back and forth, like from "I will vomit if I eat avocado toast today" to "avocado toast is the only thing I will accept as breakfast today" which is I guess where audhd comes in. There are some foods that bypass all my shifting needs, like strawberries, dehydrated apples, hot cheetos, potato chips, and pasta (ESPECIALLY the bowties omg I love the bowtie pasta)

Aside from taste needs, sometimes I really REALLY need a tight hug, not because I'm having a rough day but just because my body really wants to be under pressure for like 4 seconds and then it's good, aND THEN IT SWITCHES TO "If my parents even just barely touch my hair I will die of the sudden itch and sometimes even pain"

Also florescent lights just kill me most of the time which is why I am very happy that most of my teachers don't have every light turned on in their classrooms

I need socks to walk anywhere around my house but I will have straight up insomnia if I wear them to sleep

I haven't ever gone fully non-verbal but when I talk I either have to repeat myself 4 times because of how quiet I'm mumbling, stutter too much to the point where I just restart my sentence after pausing, repeat a word when I didn't mean to (for example during a chapter review of Lord of the flies I said "Piggy and Piggy" instead of "Jack and Piggy" and I got laughed at D:) ORRRRR I NEED TO BE TOLD TO BE QUIETER BECAUSE I'M RAMBLING TOOFASTANDLOUDDD

I have two special interests: my OC lore, and Genshin Impact. My childhood special interest was- also my old OC lore (7 year old me had the amazing and magical story, ever so creatively named "the enchanted forest") that went on for like 4-5 years where I would always want to talk about it and think about it to sleep, aaaaaand My Little Pony (I'VE REWATCHED MLP AND NINJAGO BOTH LIKE AT LEAST 8 TIMES but I wouln't call Ninjago a special interest bc it was more of an on and off obsession-)

I do also have hyperfixations ofc and they usually last up to 2 months, pretty sure that lines up with the statistical average idk

Also sometimes I just need to- punch something with full force. I never get to though and Ik it'd feel great (I did throw a pillow like 5 times in a call with my friend when I was hyper though so like... I've been able to get that excitement out-)

I'm sometimes really slow or just straight up zone out mid-conversation which is frustrating on both ends

I have a wide and advanced vocabulary for my age but [read the prior paragraph on talking], I usually don't get to use it to it's full potential because of that issue .-.

(I just realized this whole rant about my stuff is gonna be perfect for if I can ever actually get diagnosed by someone yayyy)

Mom told me that as a 1-3 year old I never really played with my toys but just lined them up either by size or color (yk those like- tower thingies with the rings of differing sizes and colors? I always ordered them correctly just out of the need for it to look right)

When I was 5 this girl in Kindergarten had a sling on but it was a fancy bedazzled sling so I really wanted to feel the gems but she wouldn't let me and I got sad :(

I've always loved swings and those like- spider web climbing equipment, still do just because I like rocking around and being able to stretch and hang and maneuver around the differently angled bars/ropes on the spider web thing (SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THEY'RE ACTUALLY CALLED)

I also have this like- neck shaking and hand flapping tic/stim, sometimes it's uncontrollable sometimes it's a controllable urge, and when it's a tic it sometimes hurts or is just straight up excessive

Okay my mind is going blank now so buhbye this was super long if anyone read all of that- kudos to you, Idk why you would subject yourself to reading it all ok BYEEE

#actually autistic #undiagnosed neurodivergent #undiagnosed autistic #undiagnosed autism #undiagnosed adhd #autism food #autistic things #autism #audhd #actually audhd #audhd things

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risingleomoon · 1 year

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Food Issues

TW: eating disorder, adult language, abuse

My ex-boyfriend liked to push his food at me."Try this!" He'd exclaimed; eyes rolled back from the delightful orgasm currently rocking his taste buds, his fork poised just close enough to not poke my eye out. "No thank you"; I'd tell him. No never means no. I'd then spend the next five minutes objecting to his culinary proposal before allowing him to jam his fork in my mouth once or twice before he's satisfied and I could go puke up whatever that even was. You'd think after two years together, he'd have realized that I don't appreciate being rape fed. Again, consent isn't something anyone considers when it comes to me and food. Or me, at all, really. But I digress.

I've been both force fed and denied food. I've lived for years where every bite was controlled by a domineering dinner dominatrix. As a fifteen year old child, I was diagnosed with both anorexia and bulimia; simultaneously. I worked out immediately after finishing a meal; or else discreetly yakked it back up in someone's unsuspecting commode. I was addicted to diet pills of any sort. My best friends in high school were appetite suppressants which my mother called "vitamins". Try as she might, nothing could not contain the woman's body that burst forth the year I turned 15. By the time I'd reached age seventeen, I was rocking the Judy Garland diet for three years, alongside the D cup I wanted desperately to vanish. What my mother didn't know was that I coupled her chemicals with my own and that's why I have very little memory of ever being a teenager. But, again, I digress.

Once I reached 18 and adulthood, I thought I'd finally have my shot at enjoying a meal. A rapid succession of boyfriends and husband's taught me otherwise. I learned early that when you eat on someone else's dime, you eat what they tell you. A prime example is that I have always loved onion rings. The delightful burst of sautéed onion mixed with grease and more grease was once one of my deepest delights. The catch? I don't like the texture of the onions. An ex of mine knew this little quirk of mine and ordered onion rings while I was using the restroom in one of my favorite restaurants. I knew the rule. Eat what's on your plate. I was expected to eat every last crumb; onions included. Why would I comply, you may be asking? That's a Tale of Trauma for another day. Just go with it. Suffice it to say there was no changing the order. It was eating it or suffering the consequences my creatively abusive ex would come up with. I was 24 and 14 at the same time. And I ate the onion rings. I also returned them to Trailhead by way of their toilet.

By the time I was 30, the trauma ran so deep that I usually chose to not eat with or around people. I learned to cover this with illusion and fabrication. To this day, no one has ever asked me if I had enough to eat. To make matters worse, I once went on a date and was told I could order whatever I wanted. I ordered the cheapest thing on the menu after asking no less than six times if it was okay to do so. I had lived privately on potato chips (any brand) and pizza (Totino's combination) and water. I countered my calorie intake with great purges from any orifice possible. By the time I landed in JeffCo, I'd become an adept cook. Despite not being able to eat anything I prepare, I have quite the recipe log. I once delighted my friends and family by playing happy homemaker with my endless supply of willingness to turn the kitchen into a chemist's lab. A combination of making do with less than stellar ingredients and not having a clue whatever tastes good together, I managed. Until I couldn't anymore. Because it started taking all night to make one dinner. I mathed it. Two hours to cook, 2 hours to be berated about how I cook. Another two hours on how I never clean anything properly, the ingredient interrogation, and whether or not I know how to use an oven/range. Two more hours to clean up, listen to how I don't know how to clean, re-clean, and then re-clean again. Lastly, another two hours to recover. Then there are the hours of complaint in between meals. I stopped cooking. I stopped using the microwave. I stopped eating food that was "noisy". Then, I just stopped eating while existing in my sister's house. By this time if my brain so much as smells food cooking in the house, nausea starts building. Eventually, everyone started commenting on my weight, taking the pre-existing trauma of body issues and combining them with the new trauma of being beaten down and broken. I laughed. I laughed and laughed. I struggled to eat more than a polite bite or two of my food. I still eat when I'm told to. Toward the end of my time there, Taco Bell was forced upon me and I felt I had no right to refuse. I didn't have that luxury. Because no doesn’t mean no for me.

I'm now 40 years old and I am finally starting to enjoy eating. I've left the toxic environment and people behind and started a new journey forward. I still eat like shit but it's now shit I choose. More importantly, I'm cooking again. I am finally able to see what all the huff and puff over these recipes has been about. And you know what? I enjoyed every bite!

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fandom-collective-writers · 5 years

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Ieyasu x Reader

Title: "Better than Curry"

Fandom: Ikemen Sengoku

Character: Ieyasu Tokugawa

Genre: Modern AU

Warnings: Smut

Written by: @rikumorimachisgirl

A/N: His PoV

Other notes: Hope you like this, Anon!

Word count: 2,047

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I came home to an empty apartment a little past nine in the evening. Except for the pin lights by the door and at the corner of the living room where Wasabi's bed is set up, the whole place was dark.

'That's odd, ' I thought as I walked inside the quiet apartment I shared with my girlfriend. Usually, she would be sprawled on the couch munching on chips while reading one of her mangas or watching another one of those popular samurai dramas she's so crazy about. Whenever I'd come home, no matter how late it was, she'd be here - she'd just be here waiting - and then she'd take off like a madwoman and hold me like I was some prodigal child who had just returned after decades or something. I ran my fingers along with the backrest of the vacant couch and thought about how she would force me to sit beside her and listen to her go on and on about how her day went, despite knowing that I had also come home from a long day at the lab. I found myself smiling wryly at the memory of how pouty I usually was five minutes into her story. 'What the heck is wrong with me, ' I asked myself. Maybe I'm just hungry.

I moved to the kitchen, and gazed at the matching dinnerware she insisted on buying for us when we had first moved in together. I then wondered when we had last shared a meal together. Lately, I've been neck-deep in research on the new anti-Cancer drug that my boss has invested in, and my work hours have been longer than usual. 'She, on the other hand…'. Before I was able to complete that thought, my stomach growled loudly, Wasabi, who had just approached to greet me, scampered off. Sighing, I looked at the cupboard and fridge for the ingredients I needed to make nice, home-cooked curry rice. Surely, it couldn't be that hard - I had all the ingredients, so I'm just gonna mix them all up like she usually does. 'Easy peasy, ' I thought as I rolled up my sleeves and proceeded to cook.

Twenty minutes later, the fire alarm went off, and I heard someone hurry inside the apartment.

"Oh my God, Ieyasu!" My girlfriend called out to me with panic written all over her pretty face. "What happened here?"

"Nothing. " I shrugged, as I turned off the stove. "The fire alarm is so dramatic. I hardly burned the -"

"Are you crazy? There's smoke everywhere! Did you even turn the exhaust on?"

Ugh. Too many questions! I shot my girlfriend a sidelong glance to let her know she's yapping too much. She hasn't stopped talking and moving about, which is strange. She usually picks up my non-verbal cues pretty easily.

"Ieyasu!"

Her voice startled me, and I staggered back a little bit when I saw her staring at me up close. Immediately, I straightened up and looked at her smugly. "You're too loud."

"I'm sorry, but you weren't responding when I called out to you. I was offering to cook. You want to eat curry, right?"Judging by her clipped tone, I knew she was trying her best not to lose her cool. I also knew that in these instances, I should just keep quiet and let her be, but for some reason, I couldn't help but mutter, "It's about time" under my breath.

I sat by the counter and pretended to check my emails on my mobile while she busied herself in the kitchen. Despite having been together for over a year, I still couldn't bring myself to tell her that every little thing she does makes me happy - from caring for Wasabi to preparing packed lunches and making sure my clothes were freshly laundered and pressed every day.

As I watched her chop the potatoes she was going to use for my meal, I couldn't help but notice that something was amiss, and I quietly observed her find out what it was. Just as I was trying to figure out what was wrong, Wasabi calmly walked over to her and bumped her nose behind my busy girlfriend's leg.

"Oh, hello Wasabi, " she said, as she placed the knife on the chopping board and turned her attention to the sweet little deer behind her. "Have you eaten? I'm sorry I can't hang out with you yet…"

When she spoke, I realized it was the sound of her sweet voice that was missing the whole time. My girlfriend is a chatterbox - she always has a story to tell or something ridiculous to ask - but right now, her silence was unsettling. There were so many questions I wanted to ask - are you okay? Is there a problem? What's bothering you? Why don't you talk to me about it?

"Why'd you come home so late?" I decided to ask.

She stopped petting Wasabi, and I saw her waver for a bit before she met my gaze. She gave me a small smile, but I could see past that.

"Well?"

I saw her shoulders drop and knew something was wrong. She sighed. "Remember the promotion I applied for last month? Well, my boss told me I wasn't ready for it and gave it to someone else."

I never hated myself so much for not noticing sooner. My girlfriend - the love of my life - was feeling down, and there I was waiting for her to cook dinner for me. I'm such a jerk!

I rose from my seat and walked over to her and took her hand in mine. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's alright." She squeezed my hand and tried to put on a brave face. "Maybe he's right. Maybe I'm not ready for it…"

"Don't be too hard on yourself -"

"I wanted to move up so badly because I want you to be proud of me, " she said, as a stray tear fell down her cheek.

But she may have as well hit me in the gut. I stared at her, speechless for a couple of seconds before I held her in my arms. "What are you talking about? I'm proud of you, " I whispered to her hair as I held her close. "I'm always proud of you."

Dammit, how could she not know how proud I am? I wanted to shake her back to her senses so badly, but when I looked at her, I saw her staring back at me with so much longing in her eyes, I knew I had to do something. Fast.

I held her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Listen to me, Princess, " I racked my brains to find the right words to say, and she held her breath. "I love you. You have no idea how good you make me feel…"

And that was the last thing I said before I cupped her face with my hands and claimed her mouth. I heard her gasp in surprise but didn't protest. When I felt her kiss me back, I decided to take it a step further and plunged my tongue into her mouth, probing and playing with hers. She responded in kind, and I walked us out of the kitchen, occasionally breaking our kiss to come up for air. I took her coat off and tossed it aside, and my fingers fumbled on the buttons of her blouse, as I tried to make quick work of it. I heard her giggle, and felt her hand over mine, as she helped me take the offending item off her without having to tear it apart.

I palmed her breasts and removed my mouth from hers so I could suck on her perfectly pink buds. I started with her right nipple, licking and sucking greedily until she moaned and bucked against me. I felt her hands rake through my hair, coaxing me to give her other nipple equal attention.

"Do you like that?"

"Yes, " she moaned, pulling my head closer to her breasts. "Baby don't stop…"

The back of her legs hit the couch and I carefully set her on it. "Just sit back, " I whispered before I knelt in front of her and guided her legs over my shoulders and nestled between them. The scent of her arousal called to me, and I didn't have to guess to figure out how wet she was. From this position, I could see her staring at me wide-eyed, her cheeks flushed and her hair slightly messy.

"Ieyas-"

Before she had a chance to finish what she was going to say, I pulled her panties aside and ran my tongue along her wet slit. After hearing her moan, I gently parted her folds and continued to lick her wetness. I felt her hands on my hair as she rocked her hips against my tongue, eager to get off.

"There, baby… right there, " I heard her say as I slowly trailed my tongue over her clit, looking at her as she threw her head back with her eyes closed, shamelessly rubbing her pussy on my face as she palmed her breasts, and pinched her nipples. "Ieyasu, please… I want… harder - more…"

"Are you close, Princess?" I asked in between French kissing her lower lips.

"Almost, baby… I'm -"

Without warning, I slipped my tongue inside her and ran my thumb over her clit. Her eyes flew wide open, and her toes curled as she let out a loud moan and I lapped on her juices as she continued to ride her orgasm.

As soon as she came down from her high, I sat back and admired her. My sweet girl looked flushed. Half-naked with her skirt pushed up, her undies still on, and the sheen of sweat on her lithe body, she looked a hundred times sexier than ever. I was aware of my arousal building up and my cock becoming hard under my trousers at the sight of my love looking so uninhibited.

"That was fantastic, " she said, still catching her breath.

I moved up and cupped the back of her neck with my hand. "You taste fantastic, " I said and kissed her hard once again, slipping my tongue in her mouth so she could taste her essence. When she sucked on my tongue and unzipped my trousers, I knew I was done for.

"Ieyasu, please…"

She didn't have to beg me a second time. My cock sprang to life as soon as I tugged my pants down. Tearing off her panties, I lifted her and positioned her on top of my throbbing member. She eagerly lowered herself on me, taking all of me in one swift motion.

"You're so wet, " I moaned.

"You're so big, " she responded before capturing my lips in a deep kiss. I placed my hands on her pelvis and guided her as she bounced up and down the length of my cock, slowly at first and then gradually increasing our pace. For a while, the only sounds we heard were the slapping of our skin against each other and our breathless moans.

She was close, I could tell. And I was close to spilling, too. We've never done it bare before, so I knew I had to pull out, but she made no move to stop.

"Princess, " I said, trying to catch my breath. "I'm close. I need to pull out -"

"No, " she said, grinding her hips against me, "I want you to cum inside me. Please…"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, " she said, before throwing her head back as she hit her orgasm. "Yes, yes, yes…"

I felt her clamp around my cock, and I followed shortly after, grunting as I shot my seed deep inside her.

As she came down from her high, she slumped against my chest and smiled. "Baby, " she said, as she peered at my face sleepily. "Sorry about dinner."

I laughed and kissed her lips lightly. "Doesn't matter, " I said, holding her tightly. "I had something much better than curry."

End.

#ikemen sengoku fanfic #ikesen fanfic #ikesen ieyasu #ieyasu x reader

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