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mimis-mm · 6 years

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This is the second part of my first imagines that I cut in two part because it was getting way too long.

You can read the first part here: x

First, I’m sorry for Saeran’s part, it kinda slipped my mind that the ask was supposed to be about when they learn so it’s just... hella long. And not really just about his reaction. But I had fun writing it so sorry not sorry

I also didn’t play V’s route (cuz I’m afraid to see Saeran dying), so I don’t know if what I wrote about the route is good. So please bare with me.

Warning: Suicide attempt mention, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse

Minor Trio learning that the MC has been depressed and attempted suicide in the past

Jijyun / V

Seven only told him you had some mental health issue in the past but nothing more. So, at first, he was more than skeptical. No way he was going to let someone who might have been chosen by Rika to join the organization. Not to mention your past with mental illness. But on the other hand, he didn't want his impression on you be tainted by Rika's possible involvement.

But he finally accepted, mainly because he wanted to give you a chance to prove yourself, but he didn't want to seem suspicious and make the others wanting to know the reasons. He still asked Seven to keep an eye on you to make sure everything was ok for you and didn't feel too trapped in the apartment. So, for the first few days, V got a report from him telling that you're acclimating pretty well to the situation and most of the members were already fond of you.

Don't get Jihyun wrong though. He trusts Luciel, so if he says you're clean, you're clean. You know V, he's always worried for people feelings and well-being.

So, the moment he learns that you had an history with depression was in a series of events that includes him getting his shit together, told Saeyoung about his brother, then prevented Ray from committing suicide.

But Jihyun still got poisoned though. Karma is a bitch.

"Seven, when will we arrive at the hospital?" You ask as you take a quick glance at Saeran's unconscious figure in the backseat in front of yours. Jumin gave the permission to Seven to borrow a van for the mission to have more space.

"We're almost fucking there! Just look after Saeran." He spat while glaring at you via the mirror.

You reprimanded the urge to shout back and took a deep breath.

"Seven, I know you're furious with Jihyun and I totally understand why. But lashing out on me won't help you feel better." You try to sound calm, but your voice is shaking as much as your hands.

You were able to hear his hands clenching at the steering wheel. "You're protecting him, you're the same to me. We should have let him die in the explosion."

"That would have make you no better than him or Rika, then."

You looked at V, who's lying on the seat with his head on your thigh. His face looked more dead than alive. The only way you could tell he was still with you was his shallow breathing along with a few weak moans and how tense his expression was. He still had the split lip and the bruise on his cheek from Saeyoung's anger lashing out.

"It doesn't need to end with people losing their life, you know." You stroke Jihyun's blueish hair, moving the bangs from his face. "There's always another way."

"And what do you know about this?" He scoffed at you.

"Not much. Just that I once thought that if I wanted my problems and suffering to go away, I needed to end my own life." You glanced over at Saeran, feeling your eyes watering. You were able to see your younger self in him right now. "I was in your brother's situation once, and death is definitely not the solution. Even if it's someone else who dies."

Seven looked at the road with an intense stare, but his jaw was more relax than a minute ago. He didn't answer to your statement, probably because he wanted to think on the situation. So, the rest of the ride was in almost silence, and Jihyun's painful whimpers could be heard. At the hospital, the nurses took V and Saeran to another floor, leaving both you and Saeyoung in the waiting area. Vanderwook went outside for a smoke.

You were able to go see Jihyun in his room the next morning. You've been looking over him and stroking his hair for more than an hour when he woke up. You quickly stood up from your chair and took his hand.

"Jihyun, how do you feel?"

He sleepily looked at you and faintly squeezed your hand.

"Why are you here?" His voice was groggy from the sleep and medicine.

"I wanted to make sure you're ok. I was so worried about you." Your eyes began to sting and your vision became blurry. V put his other hand on yours.

"Please don't, not for me." You looked at him. His sadden eyes peered at you. " You heard Luciel, I shouldn't have survived."

"You were conscious?"

"Yes," he closed his eyes slowly. "I heard everything."

Your heart sank in your chest. "Even when I..." You didn't find the courage to finish. He nodded, then looked at you.

"Please let me be, I don't deserve any of your kindness."

"Don't say that, Jihyun. You deserve it way more than you let yourself think."

He shook his head slowly. "Please, don't waste your energy on me. I'm not strong like you are."

It pained him to learn that someone who suffered enough in the past had to get involved in his bullshit. You should be having a blast with people you care about, not at the hospital trying to cheer up someone as pathetic as him. You let go of his hand and moved some of his hair from his blind eye with your finger.

"I'll go get you something to eat, ok? I'll be back in just a few minutes."

Your eyes met and he saw in your expression that you wouldn't let him stop you, so he simply nodded. You left, leaving him wonder if you were this considerate of others before your depression, or if you became like this after.

It never crossed his mind that you could be like this only for him.

Unknown / Saeran

Like Seven, the information he gathered about you made him believe that you attempted suicide in the past. That kind of mental health history was exactly what Unknown has been looking for. He knows that people who suffered from depression in the past to the point of trying to end their own life are changed. And most of the time, these changes make it easier to manipulate them.

Saeran wasn't so thrilled to take advantage of someone's weaknesses that were similar to his. But if he did, then maybe Rika will see him as a more useful asset, and even let him out of the hacking room more often. Also, a new ice cream flavor from his favorite brand came out last month, but he never had the chance to try it out since he had to stay inside to hack.

The moment he learned for good that you attempted suicide was when you talked about it to Jaehee one night or morning depending on what you consider 2 am to be. He knew everything you wrote in the messenger, so he sure didn’t miss this precious information.

Saeran felt horrible. You suffered so much you tried to end your own life, but was still strong enough to continue living when it failed. You didn’t try to take revenge on those who made you suffered by taking their last breath, and it made him feel some sort of admiration for you. But he, he had to take advantage of it for his own selfish reason. He couldn’t bare it, so he let Unknown take care of what had to be done.

Unknown, on the other hand, is the only person who is delighted when you talked about what you had to go through in your past, and possibly still do to this day, especially if you still suffer from depression or another mental illness. Now, he knew where to push to make you join Mint Eye and betray those hypocrites of RFA members. He was so glad Saeran let him handle the manipulation part. He was the best at it.

So one morning, you woke up to the messenger app's alarm. You looked at the notification, but it was blank. Ok, that's strange. Maybe it's a bug.

You open the app to find that a chatroom is open with only a weird portrait, like the one people have on social medias when they don't add their own profile picture. Or like the one Unknown used when he lured you into the apartment.

You decided to enter the chatroom, feeling nervous, only to be greeted by that familiar green background. You glanced at the names and you felt your heart stop for a second. Unknown really did hack into the messenger.

Unknown: [Y/N], good morning.

Unknown: Don't worry, I only want to talk.

Oh? He didn't even answer your message and now he wants to have a friendly chat? Yeah, right. Better tell Seven. You pressed the home button, but it didn't do anything.

Unknown: I bugged your phone, you won't be able to exit the chatroom. Not until we finish talking.

That asshole.

You: Ok I'm listening.

You: Or reading...What ever.

You facepalmed and waited for him to write something.

Unknown: So, I imagine you don't know why I chose you to infiltrate the RFA?

You: “Infiltrate” is not the word I'd use, but no, I don't know.

You tried again to close the app by all the different ways you know, but nothing worked.

Unknown: Did you ever wanted to make a difference in this loveless world?

Oh boi. This is not a good start.

You: What do you mean?

Unknown: People like you and I can't find happiness while surrounded by hypocrites and cowards. This is why I chose to help you.

You: So you made me enter an organization you don't like?

Unknown: Yes. To show you how ugly people can be despite their sweet talks. They're not what they seem to be, [Y/N].

You furrow your brows and you can feel your hands getting moist. Why making you enter in contact with those kinds of people if he wanted to help?

You: I don’t follow you.

Unknown: This organization and its members are hiding something. You can feel it, don’t you?

You rub your hand on the sheet, trying to wipe off the sweat. He's right on this, there's something suspicious with all this “classified informations” thing. It even bothered Zen and Yoosung.

Unknown: So I'll make a deal with you. You can try to discover what they're hiding, and if you find something so disturbing that you want to quit, I'll come get you.

You: You sure I'm going to find something?

Unknown: This place is filled with evidences that the RFA is corrupted.

Unknown: Just ask Luciel and V about Saeran. You'll know.

Wait, who's Saeran? What should you know about? You type your questions as fast as you can, but a message from Unknown interrupts you.

Unknown: Shit hes trying to hack in

Unknown: I have to go

Unknown: but remember what we talked about [Y/N]

/\ Unknown left the chatroom /\

Soon after, you literally got kicked out of the chatroom. No confidentiality form to click on, nothing. You were too stunned to be able to react. What is going on right now?

Your phone ringed, and you didn’t have to look at the contact to know who's calling. You pressed on the green phone.

“Seven?” you ask, your voice a little shaky.

“[Y/N]! Did you talk to the hacker? What did he say? Are you alright?” It was the first time you heard him in such a distress state. He was clearly scared and… angry?

“Yes, I'm fine. I did talk to him but… are you ok, Seven?”

“Yes, I'm… Fuck no, I'm not!” he was shouting. “I've failed to protect you, I fell asleep when I shouldn’t. You can be angry at me, that's totally ok with me.” His voice was strangled.

"Seven, please calm down. Nothing bad happened." You tried to sound as calm as possible. "Take a deep breath, ok?"

"Right, sorry." He takes a long, deep inhalation, then exhaled slowly. "So, did he say something interesting?"

It took you a moment to make your decision to ask what Unknown told you, but you decided that right now wasn't the time for that. Besides, shouldn’t Seven already know about what you both talked about? Unless, the chat log has been erased.

“He did say that the RFA is not to be trusted, but nothing else.”

“Really? Only that?” his voice seemed hesitant. You answered by humming. “Ok, so I'll run another test on the app and then strengthen the security. Stay safe.”

“You too, Seven.”

He hung up, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

A week later, you were at the hospital to visit Saeran with Saeyoung. You weren't sure if it was a good idea, but he said that he wanted to take all chances to help Saeran, and he didn't seem to be violent toward you when you were at Mint Eye's HQ. He knocked on the door, only to be greeted with silence. He chuckled and smiled with sad eyes.

“He never answers when we knock.” He said as he scratched the back of his head.

He still entered in the surprisingly dark room. The only light source came from the winow, which Saeran was looking through while sitting on his bed. He seemed absorbed in his contemplation of the cloudy sky and didn’t moved when Saeyoung and you walked in and closed the door.

“I don't want to see you.” he whispered between his teeth, then glared in your direction. His eyes widened, but he quickly returned to his grumpy self. “[Y/N]? What are you doing here?”

“Saeyoung asked me to come see you.” You smiled and walked toward him while handing over a plastic bag. “He also told me you like ice cream.”

He didn’t budge, only scanning you and the white bag you were offering to him. However, he was avoiding to meet your eyes and his fists were clenching on the white sheets. You decided to simply put your package down on the nightstand and took a seat beside the bed.

“How do you feel?”

He looked back outside and tried to block any other stimulus than the clouds. “I dunno. Why do you care?”

Just go away, you're making me uncomfortable.

“I’m worried about you.”

Bullshit. All you want is to feel better about yourself.

“Saeran, please look at me. I really want to help.”

“I'm not fucking stupid! You can't understand what I lived or how I feel!”

He was now looking you in the eyes, his face all crisped from anger and something else was darkening his eyes. You couldn't put your finger on it though.

You closed your eyes and began to consider what he just said. You talked after a minute or two:

“I may not know your situation at 100%, but believe me when I say that I once was desperate like you. So, even if I can't understand you completely, I can still provide some advices to deal with your problems.” You got up. “But for now, I'll go in the corner of shame with Saeyoung. Just tell us if you want anything, ok?”

You smiled lightly then went to a corner of the room, where Saeyoung was playing on his DS while facing you and Saeran. You sat next to him and took out of your bag a book or something you like to do to pass the time.

Saeran was sure he would become mad if you tried to interact with him more. You were too caring, too selfless when it came to him. Hell, he didn’t fucking care if it was because of your problematic past, your attitude toward him was just too much. It made him feel suffocated.

After a few minutes, Saeran gave quick glances at the plastic bag. You did say it was ice cream, right? Then maybe, just this time…

He reached out to the bag and took the jar of ice cream out along with a plastic spoon. Wait, is it the one flavor he wanted to try for a month?

“Fuck yeah, it's gonna be so fucking good.” He whispered to himself at the same time of opening it.

You contained the laughter that threatened to burst out. That was a good beginning, right? He was accepting in secret the gift you gave to him after all. Maybe one day, he’ll accept people’s genuine desire to love him.

Vandwerwood

You were both at the twins' house, cleaning the table while Saeyoung and Saeran were in the computers room. You decided to make supper for them, since they never seemed to eat properly based on their trash and what they wrote on the messenger.

It has been three months since Saeyoung and Vanderwood deserted the agency and were taking care of Saeran with you. Well, mostly Saeyoung and you. Miss Vandy and Saeran couldn't be in the same room without trying to strangle each one another. You hoped that one day they'll learn to play nice, but it just seemed like a faraway fantasy for now.

"Why can't they just make an effort to do something in this house?" Vanderwood grunted while throwing one of the twins' unfinished dinner in the trash. "They just laze and play around."

"They're not mentally sane, Vandy. You know that."

He sighed heavily at you answer. You were always defending them, always taking their side when all he was trying to do was to teach them how to be proper human beings and not filthy pigs.

"Yes, yes." He rolled his eyes, then made his voice higher to sound like you. "They got severe depression and just the simplest thing like waking up can be really hard for them."

You stopped wiping the dishes and looked at him. Did he really just do that? While you were being serious?

"Really, Vanderwood?"

"What? You always create excuses for them." He said and turned his gaze toward you. "It's really annoying."

"Create excuses? Annoying?" Now you're frustrated. How many times did you tell him how much damages depression can do? Gosh, even a fucking five years old would understand. It's like he's not listening. "Are you even trying?"

He raised an eyebrow at you. "I'm not sure I follow." He paused for a second to look you over. "Oh, are you angry at me?"

"Yes, I am." You answered dryly, then threw your towel on his head. "And I'm going in the living room since you're being a fucking ass."

Ouch. He knew he did something really bad when you called him names. You walked out of the kitchen and plopped down on the couch. He finished cleaning and he let the dishes dry off to join you.

You were still obviously mad, watching the TV with a pout. Vanderwood sighed and sat next to you, which made you hug your legs against your chest and put your head on your knees as to create a barrier between the two of you.

"Why are you being like this, [Y/N]? Every time we talk about their mental health and behavior, you get emotional."

You grunted and forced yourself not to look at him. If silence could kill, he would be dead a few times.

"Hey, don't give me the silent treatment, that's not fair."

Still no reaction. Fuck it. He needed to know. This situation has happened in the past multiple times in the past, and this was the last.

He closed the television with the remote and threw it on the sofa. Then, he took your head in his hand and forced you to look at him. His expression was tense, with his lips forming a thin line and his eyebrows furrowed slightly.

"Don't think I'm going to leave you alone just because you're ignoring me." He caressed your cheek with his thumb and you could discern restlessness in his brown eyes. "I'll repeat myself; what is wrong?"

You looked down, but you still felt irritated. " You won't understand. You never do when it comes to sensitive stuff like that."

"Come on, it's not like you have depression like th..." He stopped when he saw your expression darkening. "Wait, are you?"

You shook your head slowly and whispered:

"Not right now." You looked back at him, and his shocked expression made you decide to spill everything. At least he didn't seem annoyed that you had the same problem as the twins. "I once tried to kill myself, but it didn't work out.

There was a moment of silence. Vanderwood only looked at you with wide eyes and his mouth moved as to say something but stopped itself every two or three seconds. He suddenly pulled you in an embrace and stroked your hair.

"Holy fucking shit, [Y/N]. I didn't know, I... I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you when I said all those things about the twins?"

You nod and hug him back. "It's ok, you didn't know." Ok, maybe you didn’t mean it, but seeing him so troubled made you not want to be too frank with him.

Now he felt like shit. All this time he has been too selfish and didn't see all the signs you've been sending his way. Well, maybe he did but just didn't want to accept that you suffered in the past.

"I'll try to watch what I say about them, ok? And don't hesitate to talk about it if you feel the need. I think I've heard somewhere that it helps to talk about your problems."

You chuckled against him. He sure wasn't the best when it came to emotional support. But at least now he said that he would try and he was a man of honor, so you wanted to believe him.

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger headcanon #mystic messenger imagines #saeran choi #mm V #mm vanderwood #mm unknown #suicide mention #emotional manipulation #verbal abuse #mysme ima

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michiigii-writes-mysme · 7 years

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Tremors

Pairing: Jumin X MC/Reader

Summary: The RFA and MC experience complications with their pregnancy.

Genre: General, Fluff

Rating: PG (because apparently, I write Jumin sensually)

Word Count: Approx. 1500

Protip: Listen to “Love Songs for Robots” by Patrick Watson.

He had always been protective of you.

When you told him about your surprise in 9 months, his eyes had brightened with such joy and love. He had been overjoyed! His beloved wife would be the mother of his child!

But Jumin being Jumin, the more precious something was, to him, the more effort he put into protecting it. And he never seemed to know when he was going overboard.

He had Jaehee book all your doctors' appointments, an architect for the nursery, and within a week of getting the news, had already started screening for a nanny.

"Husband, I'll be home to care for the baby anyway," you had said when you found out, annoyed.

"Wife, even I know child-rearing is taxing," he countered, a slight smile on his lips.

It was all endearing, but a bit much. You did your best to keep him grounded, reminding him that pregnancy was not an illness; it was a very natural process that generations of women had undergone before, and would for generations to eternity. It took some time, and a lot of smooth talking and research (he would listen to arguments, but sometimes they had to be strong arguments), but Jumin came around and cancelled hiring two personal support workers to care for you while you were pregnant. You conceded on the nanny, but only for the first year, and only during the night.

Months passed as you happily grew, doing the baby-proofing and decorating yourself, with a little help from your friends. Jumin had wanted to hire professionals, starting with an architect and contract workers to remodel the room that would be the nursery, and eventually transitioning to an official home decorator, but you had insisted upon taking the reins. Baby would never really have a normal life; their family was so high-profile, after all. But, at the very least, baby's first few years were going to be simple. Your child was going to get as close to normal as you could get.

Jumin did not understand precisely what you meant by "personal touches;" how could that in any way be superior to something professionally done? But by now, he respected your wisdom when it came to emotional things. After all, he had entrusted his heart to you. Maybe there was something to your theories.

And to be perfectly honest, he was charmed by how excited you were every time your brought home a new toy or outfit or baby-device ("A what-pump?").

It fascinated Jumin to watch you blossom with every passing day. He loved putting his hands on you to begin with; now he could say "I want to see how much bigger you are," as an excuse. Your mood swings were interesting, if a little surprising, at times; how cute: one moment you're laughing, next, you were teary-eyed, and...wife, you're too small to fight that bodyguard. It's time for a snack; that ought to calm you down. Here, hold Elizabeth the Third...and now you are crying, again.

When you were much bigger, you ran into his office one day, without texting or calling him ahead of time. At first, Jumin was worried. Was there some kind of emergency? Were you and the baby alright? But you seemed fine, standing there just in front of his desk; if anything, you appeared to just want to make small talk with him for an oddly long amount of time.

"Wife, I always love your visits," Jumin said finally, getting up, "But I'm afraid I really need to get to this meeting.

"Oh..." you replied, face falling a little, "Of course, husband."

His brow furrowed a little, wondering what it was he had said that had put you out, so. Gathering up the papers he needed, he came around the desk and stood close to you.

"Truly, I love to see you," he said gently, kissing you lightly on the temple, then the cheek, then lastly on your lips, "But I really must-"

He stopped when you gasped a little, grabbing his hands and pressing them against your belly. He raised an eyebrow; there was a strange, fluttering feeling, there.

"What...?" he looked at you, confused, "Is that...gas?"

"No, you silly robot!" you exclaimed, hitting his shoulder, but smiling, "That was a kick! Baby says 'hello'!"

At first, his confusion deepened, then his eyebrows shot right up when your words registered. He smiled fondly at you, eyes softening, before he moved down to rest his forehead against yours, closing his eyes.

"...hello..." he murmured, notes of love in his voice that he used to only reserve for you.

But nothing in this life is perfect.

One morning, with only a few weeks until your little one was due, you woke up to an unusual wetness between your legs.

That's odd... you thought foggily, sleep still heavy upon you. It felt familiar. ...Like your period had come early. But that couldn't be it; you were preg-

!!!

Realization hit you like a thunderbolt.

Your eyes snapped open, and you threw your sheets off, rousing your husband in the process with your sudden movement.

No, no, no...! It can't be!

"Wife, what..." Jumin rolled over to look at you blearily. He stopped speaking when he saw your expression, then followed your line of sight to your lap.

Red.

Too much red.

Your sight blurred with tears as panic threatened to set in, but as ever, Jumin was ready to act.

Within minutes, you were on your way to the hospital, your stoic husband's mask of calm betrayed only by the tremors in his hands as he held yours.

One minor surgery later, the doctor ordered bed rest. There was no definite reason for the bleeding, so taking it easy until the baby came was the only thing they could really prescribe. Jumin was not impressed, but he took the doctor's orders in stride.

There was already a nurse waiting for you when you got home.

"You're magic," you whispered to Jumin, as the nurse wheeled your chair to your room.

"Anything for you," he whispered back, tracing a tender line across your jawbone. His hands still shook.

He had stayed with you while you were in the hospital, and he did not go to work the day you came home.

He did not go back to work that week.

Jaehee came by in the mornings and evenings, relaying work that could not be done in his home office or via email. The others visited you almost daily, so that you would not feel too lonely, and to keep you up-to-date on the outside world. Elizabeth the Third never left your side once you got home.

But Jumin was, by far, the most attentive.

He ate every meal with you, making sure you remembered your vitamins. He worked in his home office, but took hourly breaks to check on you. Sometimes, he spoke, but more often, he did not, simply kissing your hands, your lips, your forehead, your belly...

When he was done his work, he sat in bed with you, one arm around your shoulders, the other hand on your bump. He kept the TV on, but though his eyes were trained on it, you knew he wasn't watching. The sparkle in his eyes had been replaced by the shadow of fear.

You knew he was concerned, but one thing set an alarm off in your mind.

One evening, part way into your second week of bed rest, you and Jumin were "watching TV" together, as usual. Elizabeth the Third was with you, and, purring, she started rubbing against your belly. You smiled; she had been doing this for weeks, now. You liked to think she was bonding with the baby.

To your surprise, Jumin reached down and picked up the cat as soon as he noticed her touching you.

"No, lady. That will not do," he said firmly, placing Elizabeth the Third on his other side, away from you.

You and the cat were shocked. That was the closest Jumin had ever gotten to scolding her.

He was a lot more worried that you originally thought.

"Husband...please...all will be well," you said gently, putting a hand over one of Jumin's.

"You cannot know that, wife. We don't even know why it happened to begin with," he replied, his brow furrowing.

He put his free hand against the side of your face, and to your chagrin, you felt that it was trembling.

"...I'm sorry," he said in a low voice, pulling you a little closer and leaning over so that his forehead touched yours, "Please...Do me this great kindness and humour me. I know, logically, that we have done everything we can," slowly, he let his nose graze over yours, "But please. I cannot lose you. My beloved wife, please be patient with me."

SORRY, BRO, YOU’RE TRAPPED IN HIS HOUSE, AGAIN!

I read a bunch of headcanons about if the RFA experienced a miscarriage with MC. And it was sad.

And then I read some pregnancy headcanons. And those were adorable.

And then I thought, “What if they had near-misses? What if MC had a complicated pregnancy? WHAT WOULD THAT BE LIKE?”

SO, here we are.

#Mysme Fanfic #mystic messenger fanfic #Jumin Han #Jumin x MC #Jumin x Reader #RFA pregnancy complications

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amazingviralinfo · 7 years

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Wests life and music have combined into an ongoing piece of performance art one that appears unsustainable at this pitch

In an era when the likes of Beyoncé can release perfectly formed records without warning, the saga of Kanye Wests seventh album has been comically messy. He first announced it a year ago, under the name So Help Me God, but postponed its release by several months while renaming it Swish, Waves and, finally, The Life of Pablo.

In the weeks prior to its grandiloquent live-streamed launch at Madison Square Garden on Thursday an album playback featuring celebrity guests and an army of black models debuting Wests latest Yeezy fashion line he posted a series of perplexingly self-destructive tweets on topics including his ex-girlfriend Amber Rose and Bill Cosby. Even for a man who clearly subscribes to Oscar Wildes dictum, There is only thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about, it was a bizarre display.

West, 38, is arguably the most important pop artist of his era and certainly the most compelling, for good or ill. He speaks, and indeed acts, in superlatives. In recent years he has described himself, not always entirely seriously, as the greatest living rock star on the planet, the new Steve Jobs, a potential US president and, simply, the nucleus. Inevitably, he inspires extreme reactions.

When he was booked for last years Glastonbury festival, more than 130,000 people signed a petition calling for an insult to music fans all over the world to be dropped. The vehemence of such attacks on an apologetically outspoken black man doubtless had a racist dimension but that alone does not explain why the rapper is such a uniquely polarising figure.

West was brought up to achieve great things. Born in Atlanta, Georgia, but raised in Chicago by his mother, Donda, an academic, he was given the name Kanye meaning only one Omari wise man and she taught him above all to love himself. In her memoir Raising Kanye, Donda wrote that West inherited from his father Ray, a former member of the Black Panther party, little patience for what he thinks is unjust. Wests kindergarten teacher said to Donda: Kanye certainly doesnt have any problem with self-esteem, does he?

That dude was focused since he was a shorty because he knew what he wanted to do and he had a mother who supported the shit out of him, his friend and fellow rapper GLC once told Complex magazine.

Kanye West in 2004. Photograph: Frank Micelotta/Getty Images

After enrolling at art college in 1997, West dropped out to pursue production work for the likes of Jay Z, with a signature sound based on accelerated soul samples, and then fought doggedly to be taken seriously as a rapper.

I realised that he was going to make it happen and he didnt mind being an asshole, Damon Dash, Jay Zs partner in Roc-A-Fella Records, told Complex. If you dont mind being an asshole, youre not going to lose. He wasnt scared, he had gall. A decade later, West told the New York Times: I knew I was going to make it this far; I knew that this was going to happen.

In October 2002, West was involved in a car crash that shattered his jaw and changed his life. He was convinced that God had saved his life and that he needed to write more profound lyrics. He described this epiphany in his 2003 single Through the Wire: a superheros origin story in which he emerges from a life-threatening accident stronger than ever. I knew I was dealing with a different human being after the accident, his managerGee Roberson told Complex. From that day forth, it was game on.

Unlike his mentor Jay Z, the middle-class West couldnt draw on a violent, hardscrabble youth for credibility so he had to create his own drama, trumpeting his talent and ambition to a degree that was unusual even by hip-hops self-aggrandising standards.

Im the closest that hip-hop is getting to God, he told journalists at an album playback in 2005. Talking to the Guardian afterwards, he described his florid braggadocio as both a form of self-motivation and a theatrical performance. Its like Im walking on this tightrope. Its like, damn, what if he falls? And if I do make it, its like, damn, he made it! But either way youre saying damn. Everybody else is just walking on the ground.

West backed up his rhetoric by constantly redefining what hip-hop could be. The College Dropout (2004) bridged the gulf between mainstream rappers and socially conscious underground MCs. The lavish Late Registration (2005) was co-produced by thefilm score composer Jon Brion. The Daft Punk-sampling, Nietzsche-quoting hit Stronger, from Graduation (2007), began hip-hops lucrative liaison with EDM. Most of its current stars, including Drake and Kendrick Lamar, walked through doors that West opened.

West is a tireless enthusiast with constantly expanding tastes and an ear for whats next. He has been adept at choosing collaborators, from big names such as Rihanna and Daft Punk to up-and-comers such as Arca and Kid Cudi, and taking inspiration from fashion, cinema, architecture and visual art. He is a famous perfectionist who claimed to have mixed his single Stronger 75 times before he was satisfied.

Logic would seemingly state that an album with so many people working on it would sound disjointed, but what Kanye manages to do is get the best out of everyone working towards one sound, the producer Evian Christ told Pitchfork in 2013. You cant really overstate how difficult it is to do that.

West is also an unpredictable lyricist who is equally capable of self-aware jokes, crass, misogynist punchlines and eloquent examinations of race and class. Early in his career, he spoke out against homophobia in hip-hop and blurted out George Bush doesnt care about black people during a telethon for victims of Hurricane Katrina, although he has only sporadically engaged with politics since. He is often at his best when he is being inappropriate. (Five years later, Bush called the incident the all-time low of his presidency.)

Wests behaviour changed dramatically after Donda Wests death in November 2007, from heart disease. He rarely talks about the loss but last year told Q that he blamed himself: If I had never moved to LA shed be alive. West became a more haunted and guarded figure, returning to music with 808s & Heartbreak (2008), a brave, introspective album that featured more Auto-Tuned singing than rapping and paved the way for Drake and The Weeknd.

Kanye West takes the microphone from Taylor Swift as she accepts her award during the MTV VMAs in 2009. Photograph: Jason DeCrow/Associated Press

The loss of his mother invited sympathy but the next turning point in Wests life inspired fury and derision. In 2009, he interrupted Taylor Swifts acceptance speech at the MTV Video Music Awards, bringing to the boil a long-simmering backlash. (West ungallantly references the incident on his new song Famous.) He retreated to his bunker if Hawaii can be called a bunker and made his decadent epic My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (2010) with a legion of collaborators including Nicki Minaj, Bon Iver and Elton John. He later described it as a long backhanded apology.

In recent years, Wests ambition has become both grander and more diffuse. During interviews and concerts to promote Yeezus (2013), an audaciously abrasive electro-punk primal scream that he called a protest to music, he delivered long, furious monologues about his struggle to break into the fashion industry.

He increasingly seems more interested in clothes than in music Right now, over 70% of my focus is on apparel, he told Paper magazine and much more besides. He has compared himself to such world-changing figures as Picasso and Walt Disney, befriended the tech stargazer Elon Musk, and talked about his ambition to inspire an army of risk-taking cultural soldiers. You can see the growth from Im gonna be this great artist to I wanna do something that ignites a fire in peoples souls, he told Q.

However much credit West gets, it is never enough. In a 2013 interview he compared his critics to the eight-grade basketball coach who would not include him in the team even though he hit every shot. The next year, he made the team. West is driven by the desire to prove his doubters wrong, and fired up by his previous ability to do so.

While most high-profile artists accept that they cannot please everybody, West craves approval from establishment institutions that he appears to hate, from the Grammy awards to European fashion houses, as a point of principle. I dont care about the Grammys, he told the New York Times. I just would like for the statistics to be more accurate.

It is unclear what will happen when West can no longer hit every shot. The singles he released last year, including collaborations with Paul McCartney, were coolly received. His Glastonbury performance promised to be either a triumph or a disaster but, most reviewers agreed, fell somewhere in-between. Pitchforks Jayson Greene wrote: He is responsible for the current zeitgeist, but listening to his slightly confused new material, you get the distinct sense that hes struggling to find his current footing in it.

Reading Wests recent tweets, it is impossible to work out exactly what he is trying to achieve. He is clearly a more volatile and erratic character than he used to be. Marriage and fatherhood are often stabilising influences but marrying Kim Kardashian in 2014 has pitched West into a tabloid world with an endless appetite for gossip. It is unlikely that he could retreat from the spotlight, as he did in 2009, even if he wanted to.

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Kanye West releases album and fashion collection at Madison Square Garden

His life and music have combined into an ongoing piece of performance art which is unsustainable at this pitch. No artist can remain the nucleus of pop culture indefinitely. One day, this extraordinarily successful figure will face the new challenge of learning to cope with no longer being the man everyone is talking about.

Potted profile

Born: Kanye Omari West, on 8 June 1977 in Atlanta, Georgia

Career: Began producing music for local Chicago rappers in his teens and landed his first high-profile job in 1999. Launched his solo career with The College Dropout in 2004. Has released six platinum albums, won 21 Grammy awards, designed several clothing lines, and featured twice on the Time 100 list of the most influential people in the world. Runs the record label Good Music and the creative content company Donda.

High point: Bouncing back with his magnum opus My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy in 2010 after his snafu at the Video Music Awards temporarily derailed his career: even Barack Obama called him a jackass. In December 2014, Pitchfork named it the best album of the decade so far.

Low point: The death of his mother in 2007, soon followed by his split from fiancee Alexis Phifer.

What he says: I will die for the art, for what I believe in, and the art aint always going to be polite.

What they say: Hes a brilliant madman. He cant help himself. Like, he doesnt have the same filters other people have. He has to blurt things out hes always saying inappropriate stuff. But he also has brilliant ideas, if you can get him to pay attention long enough Madonna.

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