#so i'll tell him one day but not now

[eddiediaaz]

me: i'm gonna call my mom just to talk but i'm not gonna tell her about my new type 2 diabetes diagnosis because she has a lot on her plate and just told me my grandma is in the hospital again, and i don't wanna add yet another thing to it.

my mom: your voice sounds strange, are you sure you're okay?

me: starts sobbing and tells her everything lol

#also had to tell her about the breakup #asking me if i'm okay when i'm already feeling on the verge of tears is like THE trigger for me #i will start bawling lol (and i did for the second time today. first time was with the doctor when she told me fdskjdfbds) #(i tried really hard to keep it in okay but she just kept going on with the complications if left untreated and it was A Lot) #anyway i love my mom and how supportive she is about this #and my step dad was also yelling supportive things through the phone too lol it was so sweet #i cannot tell my dad yet tho cause i know he'll say shit like “i told you so” (about extra weight complications) and i can't handle this rn #i know he'll be supportive but not in a way i need rn #so i'll tell him one day but not now

[todayisafridaynight]

no ones ever gonna understand how much i love daigo doin this stupid shit after dissolving the tojo

#snap chats #is this a gaiden spoiler. its been like five months catch up you nerds #ANYWAYYYYY NOO I LOVE HIM ....... this whole bit is like four seconds long but i love it so much #i just reminded myself i should probably make gaiden/y8 videos for daigo.. i'll make it a JP/ENG comp or somethn.. one day #not soon tho like its barely anything since he's not in those games Long At All but still. im lazy 💀 #excuse me while i gush about daigo for twenty minutes now because hehee HE'S SO CUTE I CAN'T GET OVER IT #this is literally the middle aged equivalent of going yippee like YOU CAN TELL HE'S SO RELIEVED IT'S SO CUTE #got the energy of a student with crippling anxiety after they somehow get through giving a presentation without throwing up #AND his lil smile ......... thank you gaiden you made me wanna eat drywall with daigo's sad puppy dog eyes about kiryu #and then immediately made up for it a minute later #sorry i keep scrolling up to look at him and i love him so much. what if i threw up #i dont like using babygirl lightly but this is actually the most Babygirl frame of him ever ive decided #thats my boy .... i love my boy so much ..... he's so cute ... come so far in life congratulations king ..... ily ... #him lookin up at the sky for a minute just to breathe i know he thankin god for the fact he somehow isnt dead yet #im gonna ignore the fact all of this was for naught so i dont bash my head against a wall anyway stan daigo #im gonna be sick i love him so much #if i redraw this later shut up. i love him... #this is why i try not to look at cutscenes anymore cause when i do i feel my brain being put in a microwave and start to melt #its not my fault i love my guys so much .... ok bye i have work to do .... #and then when i finish that work i can go back to loving my guys YAAAAAY !!!!!!!

[harboretum]

Damage control

#dnd #d&d characters #my pc in this campaign has a wife who used to sneak into his window when they were like nine #and demand that he teach her whatever he just learned in squire training wrt swordfighting because her dad wouldn't let her learn #and she eventually got caught and obviously couldn't tell her dad she was learning to use a sword so she was like ''uuuhhhh I love him dad'' #and her dad knowing full well this boy comes from an aristocratic family was like ''k hold on I'll talk to his grandfather'' #and so she accidentally got them betrothed to each other for once they were old enough to marry #which she at first was like ''ugh but he's such a dork'' until she one day decided boys no longer have cooties #now they're 25 and have two kids #and she was able to openly practice swordfighting with an actual teacher once they were married so now she's Real Good At Swords #corruption's hold #harboretum comics #D&D

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

Okay I thought I was done but apparently I'm not. I need to talk more about this banter you can get during the Legacy DLC between Aveline and Warden Carver because it makes me want to scream.

Aveline: I'm glad you found a place with the Wardens. Carver: Well, it's not the city guard, but it'll do. Aveline: Carver... it wasn't the place for you. Carver: No, it's all right. It is. It cost a lot, but I get it. I really was a bit of a tit those days, wasn't I? Aveline: Well...

In my last post, I talked about how Aveline had no place telling the guard to refuse Carver's application, regardless of if he was "right" for the job or not. But I believe he would've made a great guard, and getting that job not only would've provided for him and his family during a desperate time, but would've prevented him from either fate of becoming a warden or a templar. He was unfairly robbed of a chance to prove himself because Aveline believed he wasn't right for the guard.

This is one of the banters I brought up but didn't go too in depth about. At this point, it's been between 3-6 years since Act 1, depending on if you decided to do Legacy in Act 2 or Act 3, and every line here is important.

Carver's response to Aveline saying she's glad he "found a place" with the wardens is so telling. Not being accepted by the guard is still on his mind after all this time. He wouldn't bring it up if it didn't still bother him, and implies that he still would've preferred the guard over the wardens.

Which... yeah. Listen, I'm a dedicated "Carver joins the Grey Warden" player. I don't like leaving him behind to become a templar, and I certainly don't like him dying. For me, the Grey Wardens are the best outcome he has. It’s where he seems the happiest and finds the most fulfilment, and it fits well with how I play my Hawke. But it obviously has some tragic issues.

Like the fact that becoming a Grey Warden only delayed his inevitable death within the Deep Roads. Eventually his Calling will come, and Carver will go back down there and fight until the darkspawn eventually kill him. I'm sure that's not traumatic to think about given he was a soldier at Ostagar and then watched Bethany die at the hands of an ogre. Oh, and there's the whole nightmares and voices thing.

Carver didn't choose this life for himself. It was either this or death, but a "what if?" still lingers in his mind about the city guard.

Something Aveline ruined for him.

And continues to ruin.

Aveline: Carver... it wasn't the place for you.

You hear that? In the distance? That's me screaming.

I must reiterate; what makes Aveline believe it's her place to tell Carver whether or not the city guard was right for him? Why did she think she should get a say in whether or not the guard takes him? What's made it HER call?

And still, after all this time has passed, she believes it wasn't right for him and she's unwilling to consider otherwise. Maker forbid she do some reflection and question if she was in the right for interfering at all, too!

Carver is standing right there before her, proving everything she said about him wrong, and she just doubles down. There's no reason to say this to him unless she's trying to remind him of his place; he's a Grey Warden, and she's Guard-Captain of Kirkwall's city guard. But c'mon, Aveline, he's hardly a threat to your precious guard anymore given the whole dedication to killing darkspawn thing he has now.

Maybe if you paid more attention to the threats within your guard, Kirkwall would be a safer place with less murder going around? Just saying!

But isn't that how it's always been? Aveline putting him in his place, making sure Carver remembers she's always outranked him?

Carver: Did you approve my application? Aveline: I can't make you a guard, Carver. Carver: We were both soldiers. Why won't they take me? Aveline: I was an officer. And I follow orders. Carver: [laughs] No you don't. Aveline: I also think of others before myself. You seem tired of that, and that's dangerous. Carver: Just when it's not my choice. You told them not to take me, didn't you? Aveline: Yes.

That he should remember who he's talking to?

Carver: I'm surprised you still travel with us, Aveline. Aveline: Carver, don't. Carver: You're ever so busy with the guardsmen. It must be a burden to slum with the refugees. Aveline: It's oddly comforting that you insult me like I'm family. Carver: That wasn't... no, I didn't mean that. Aveline: I know. But you should be glad that's how I took it.

That she's in charge?

Aveline: Your form's sloppy, Carver. Stiffen up or the darkspawn will take your blade. Carver: Right. I'll keep that in mind. Aveline: And you're angry, why? Carver: You didn't fare any better than I did the last time we faced darkspawn. Aveline: If they take your blade, people die. That's not happening again. Stiffen up. Carver: Yes ma'am.

Oh, and she used to spy on him [and Hawke].

Aveline: I don't like some of the people you've been associating with, Carver. Carver: Talk to my brother/sister. He/She's the one in charge. Aveline:  Maybe, but I know you get around. This city's full of people who are dead set on ending badly. I don't want to see you end up the same way. Carver: Would asking you to stop spying on me help in the least? Aveline: No.

That's their banter.

But sure, she's glad he found a place in the wardens. I don't think she's being ingenuine when she says that, but I think it's a little more complicated than a mere "congrats on doing well, I knew you could do it."

But Carver's response? Oh Maker's ass. It actually hurts me.

Carver: No, it's all right. It is. It cost a lot, but I get it. I really was a bit of a tit those days, wasn't I? Aveline: Well...

I... what can I even say?

He accepts it, but you can tell it hurts to do so. It DID cost a lot. More than Aveline will ever understand. And it doesn't matter now! He can't become a guard now anyway, so what would be the point in him disagreeing with her? Carver acts as the bigger person here because he does get it, even if Aveline doesn't.

But it's that last part... that last damn part... Don't be alarmed, that screaming you hear is still me.

Here's the deal; Carver acknowledges that he could be an ass back in Act 1. Hell, he acknowledges it IN Act 1. For example, when you talk to him after finding your grandfather's will, he's an ass to you about Bethany no matter what you say.

But y'know what? You can be the biggest piece of shit to him and have Hawke literally call him a "lazy brat with a chip on his shoulder," and Carver will still be the one to be apologetic for what he said and attempt to explain his feelings.

"Brother/Sister... I feel... I don't know. It's like Mother taking things out on us. She was just scared. I don't have a place in the life she's trying to bring back…"

Carver can be an ass, but he's aware of that and actively tries to change his behavior. If you bring him and Fenris with you on the Mark of the Assassin DLC, there's a moment where Carver says, "You still don't like me? I've tried to change." And if you bring Varric, he once again acknowledges that he used to be an ass.

BUT... that being said. If you don't remember, "I really was a bit of a tit those days, wasn't I?" is referencing back to this conversation in the barracks of Act 1:

Hawke: This must be a very different pace from serving King Cailan. Aveline: It's just one more change, though. The real end for me was Ostagar. What about you Carver? You were there. Do you feel something similar? Carver: No. Aveline: All right, then. Bit of a tit, your brother.

Now, I've already expressed my beef with Aveline over insulting Carver in the middle of the barracks just because he doesn't agree with her view point on Ostagar... but consider the fact that Carver says nothing. He just lets her insult him without a complaint! Carver Hawke, who tends to complain! And he says nothing!

Not only that, but he actually internalized that insult enough that years later he's able to repeat it back to Aveline word for word, and all she has to say is, "Well..."

This isn't the same thing as him reflecting on his past behavior and acknowledging his flaws. This is Carver accepting a snide jab Aveline made that hurt him because apparently he was wrong for not wanting to discuss any trauma Ostagar left him with as openly as she does.

Oh, and don't forget that any other companion you brought along dogpiles on, too!

Carver: No, it's all right. It is. It cost a lot, but I get it. I really was a bit of a tit those days, wasn't I? Aveline: Well... Varric: No shit. Fenris: Insufferable. Isabela: Legendary. Anders: Maker, yes. Sebastian: I've heard as much. [If Hawke has a humorous/charming personality] Hawke: Spoiled, annoying, thick-headed, brattish little nitwit of a... oh, have we stopped?

Y'all ever wonder why he's so on edge or hostile with the other companions?

Also, I have to point out that Merrill is the only companion who doesn't say anything in agreement if she's there. In fact, across all their banter, Merrill's never been rude or insulting toward him. All she does is ask him if he's talking dirty to her and compliments him on what a great sworder he is. It's pretty obvious why Carver develops a crush on her, c'mon.

But to wrap this up-

This banter strikes a nerve due to how telling it is about both characters involved.

Carver has grown and done what he can to improve himself, but there's regret that lingers, a longing for a better life he could've had if given a chance. Maybe he would've failed, maybe he would've succeeded. But there's nothing he can do now, so he looks forward, just as he's always wanted to do. He's a damn good Grey Warden who wants to do right.

Aveline remains stagnant. She hasn't changed, nor has she improved, and maybe she would if she could figure out how to dislodge her head from her own ass. She still believes she was in the right to tell the guard not to accept Carver's application despite knowing the Hawke's were desperate and that Fereldan refugees couldn't find work. She knew Carver's a skilled soldier who fought at Ostagar just as she did. The guard wasn't the place for him so she's in the right to deny him any chance. Aveline knows best.

And y'know what, I think all I have left to say is...

Fine, Aveline. You're right. It wasn't the place for him.

Carver was too good for your city guard.

#dragon age 2 #da2 #carver hawke #aveline vallen #dragon age #aveline critical #okay i promise i'll shut up now and stop picking on aveline and find something else to talk about #even though my beef list is still incredibly long but we'll save that for another day since i'm just so salty about her right now #and i just have a lot to say about carver and how wronged he was like i know it's just a few bits of banter but put the bits together #and they tell a whole story y'know? in case it wasn't clear carver's one of my favorite characters in da2 #and so much about his banter with aveline gets to me #again it doesn't matter if you think he was right for the guard or not my point is that aveline had no right to block him #from a potentially great job ESPECIALLY after all the hawkes did for her... y'know like helping her get outta fereldan #and getting into kirkwall and helping her expose jeven for being a corrupt bastard that led to her promotion as captain #sure aveline step on everyone's backs and hands and then wonder why they aren't climbing as fast as you #carver hawke deserved better than this #aveline got an easy promotion to guard captain and a sexy new husband and never had to face real repercussions for her mistakes #and all carver got was the taint in his blood #he and merrill never even had a chance to get together and i'm not okay with that >:[

[frecklystars]

i know nobody is online rn to read this but ;-; i gotta get it off my chest i love ken so much he means everything to me he's making me so happy and i've needed him so so so bad. he's brought me comfort when my ptsd has been so fucking unbearable and every time i'm having a crying fit over losing my tf f/os or every time i'm having a flashback i ALWAYS immediately IMMEDIATELY think about him rushing to my side, holding me and saying "hey hey it's okay, i'm here, i'm right here" and it's such a relief because i haven't been able to genuinely wholeheartedly believe any character would be willing to do that for me the entire time i've been struggling this year.

i've never gone so long without comfort from f/os, much less being triggered by the ones who used to comfort me the most. so to have barbie and ken right now is like the biggest wave of relief every single day when i wake up and the hyperfixation is still there. sometimes i will literally close my eyes and sigh in relief when i hear a song and my first thought is sebastian or ken or six or... whomever. i love being in love again. i NEED this. i love waking up and my first thought isn't my trauma most of the time now, it's ken. or it's six. or it's barbie. or it's harley. or it's officer k. or it's... yeah you get it. i needed these characters so fucking badly. every time i see a gifset and get excited over it, i feel a rush of gratitude bc self shipping has always been the glue holding me together. it doesn't feel as intense or strong as the SB musical or TF used to make me feel but i am not picky. not at all. i will take anything and i'm praying this lasts for at LEAST another few weeks please

i may not be at a sense of peace right now and i dont know when i ever will be, it could be years, but im so. so. so. so so so thankful to have these characters right now when i've needed someone so badly for so long. i hope ken knows how much i love him ;-; i hope barbie knows how much she has helped me, has saved me from one of my major triggers and has helped me to love and feel safe around the color pink again. i wish they could see me when i'm not so broken but i'm glad they're here even when i'm at my worst, i'm glad they still love me even when they deserve to see me in a much better light

#it feels so fucking terrible not celebrating my bday with my starlight. i used to buy myself cakes and put his figurine next to them #i mean i still have... a little bit over one week... i cant... let it pass by without him being involved somehow #so i might make a quick vent doodle and queue it for the actual day of my bday #i refuse to not draw myself with him at least once for my special day #its not like we 'broke up' or anything but fuck it feels so bad #he's a literal fucking ptsd trigger. how fucking insane is that #im still in shock. im still in shock over what happened to me like i cant fucking believe it #wearing his necklace makes me cry so i just leave it on my dresser #that shouldnt be normal!!!! #but im hoping that shipping with barbie/ken is going to help me feel like i can reclaim control over my ships #bc my abuser made me feel like... i had no control over my TF ships whatsoever for a solid year #so now that i'm finally free of that toxicity i'm still shakily trying to learn how to ship again #i'll have moments where i'll worry ken will try to hurt me on purpose bc im so used to my abuser telling me how abusive any f/o would be #but then i tell myself 'hey what the fuck. this is MY story. NOBODY would abuse me i dont care WHO they are' #but it's so hard to unlearn several months of abuse 😔 #and even harder to look at a character who i invested so much time and energy and money into #my voice clips. my cameos. all of my steve blum autographs. my art for steve. all of it feels sad and numbing #not just stsc but everyone in any TF universe feels like... a threat and i get panic attacks when i see very specific characters sometimes #its awful. it hurts so bad. i love ken so much. but nothing compares to what i had with my TF comfort characters #but it's okay bc... ken is holding my hand and he might not understand ptsd at all but he can still squeeze me tight #and six HAS c-ptsd he GETS it. and he's there to hold me when my nightmares make me fall apart. he's my rock #vent #ptsd #sorry it's 5am i had a bad nightmare and now i refuse to sleep again #i fucking hate ptsd i fucking hate living like this i rly wish i knew how to cure myself #im exercising im eating and drinking often im sleeping as much as i can #theres only so much i can do #when does it get better?? when the fuck does it get better? im serious. not rhetorical. when does this finally heal #i dont even know if im healing or if im just distracted... but fuck ill take anything

[sudokuplayer]

-

#boris was attacked by my neighbor's dog and i've been crying so much. i'm so scared #it's 9pm so my sister is driving him to a vet 1 hour away cause the vets near close at 7pm #idk why bad things keep happening to him i'm so heartbroken idk what i'll do if he dies #my neighbor is a cruel bitch cause this happened around 1 pm and she didn't tell us. she hid him in a room #she was gonna let him die like that #my sister was supposed to take me somewhere tomorrow so she came home one day earlier #i'd been crying all afternoon and i told her to please ask around and then they (w mom and brother) went to my neighbor's house #they brought him back and he looked very weak and with blood all over #my sister called a friend of hers who's a vet and she came to see him and adviced to take him to a vet clinic #cause he was bloated and there was air(?) and her face was worried when she said that cause.. where does air come from #plus he was breathing weird #i had the worst panic attack the whole time since they brought him from the neighbor's house until they left with him #i couldn't even speak cause i couldn't stop crying #now i'm calm but i'm so worried #if my sister hadn't come home today boris would be still hurt and locked in my bitch neighbor's house #cause my mom thought i was being paranoid :( she wasn't going to ask around #cause she thought boris would come back since he's been missing before #also my sister's the only one who can drive #:( #i'm so angry cause that bitch next door heard me calling boris name all afternoon and didn't say shit #i hate her. not only bc of this but she's suck a snake in general. she's always gossiping shit about everyone #she didn't do anything and locked him in a room for like 7 hours. maybe those hours were crucial #idk. if boris dies i'm gonna do some crazy shit to this bitch so she'll have a reason to call me crazy

[divinekangaroo]

just enough to let me drown - pettiot - Peaky Blinders (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | ? | ?

During S6-E5, starting with Tommy meeting Diana at the narrowboat, how he gets back to Arrow, that particular Dinner, through to Tommy returning home after dropping Jack Nelson off at the train.

Tommy was running out of women who didn’t look like other women. If Lizzie found out, he’d have only redheads left to fuck in his old age.

No. No old age. Only this.

.

Diana Mitford/Tommy Shelby, Past Oswald Mosley/Tommy Shelby, Tommy Shelby/Lizzie Stark, Past Oswald Mosley/Lizzie Stark, Jack Nelson, Charles Strong, Small Heath Sex Worker | Reference to Incest, Dehumanisation, Cigarette Burns, Disassociation, Racism, Class Issues, Intrusive Thoughts, Extremely Dubious Consent, Post Rationalisation, Flashbacks, Dyfunctional Relationship, Self Harm, Oral Trauma, Trauma, Plausible Deniability, Close POV/Unreliable Narration, Horrible Dinner Parties, Prostitution, Shame, Hurt/Comfort, Eating Inedible Objects, Vomiting, Pre-Seizure Markers, Where Fascism becomes a Personally Targetted Sexual Nightmare, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Falling Off the Wagon, Unreliable Memory, Hoarding, Orgasm Control, Innuendo, Ethnic Slurs, Trying (so fucking hard!) to Communicate (emotion is the enemy of oratory!), Spiralling, Purposeful Ambiguity, Failed Love Confession/s

.

#my writing #peaky blinders #peaky blinders fanfic #tommy x lizzie #tommy shelby #tommy x diana #tommy x mosley #lizzie x mosley #jack nelson #charles strong #a purposefully 'did that actually happen? did he actually say that? was it all in his head' chapter #i promise the flashbacking and tommy's trauma-blurred sense of time/place only happens once more in this story he's done with the past now #featuring snips of my headcanon of tommy's hoarding habit: #as a little kid he collected/stole little bits of rich people tokens and hid them under the floorboards with a vague thought one day he'd - #-have enough to become one of them #also tried to write this so the t-l scene in the show (getting dressed and 'when i know everything i'll tell you everything') still works. #lizzie is pissed at the perfume but she always believed tommy slept with sex workers ongoing through their marriage. not the same as diana. #lizzie realising txd happened the morning after txl's hotel ILU seemed important. nothing in what diana said at dinner did that. and so #also wanted tommy handing duke to uncle charlie.in this way that tommy arranged the fam's marriages #sorry uncle charlie that i never saw you as a dad. but here you go: a fatherless son i prepared earlier. good luck #as to what tommy's 'script' was with lizzie that got derailed when she laughed at him: reader's choice. XD #he spirals around and around and around what happened with diana and never touches centre

[rifter-pride]

i've been digging thru old backed up writing and found some scrapped lore i never finished but still kinda like so i'm gonna do the impossible

tidy it up and finish it

#the one i'm working on is the original form of 'on a wander' #which was originally going to be when amos was a bit younger than he ended up being in the final story and involve haj as well #but i ended up turning it into on a wander instead for. i don't remember why. magdaw reasons one assumes #not that anyone could ever tell bc this story is as yet unposted but on a wander refers to things from its earlier iteration #so now i am finishing that earlier iteration up i'm like i'll just. make this be the followup to on a wander instead #it's fun having to retrofit the ideas that started in this draft and ended up seeing the light of day in on a wander #ouroboros ass story #i also have to go reread on a wander to [checks notes] ensure consistency across body horror. solemn nod #i really love amos. i have to write more stuff about amos. he's a good boy #i have some vague ideas about him journeying all the way to the plateau and seeing the cloudsong. my original plan w/amos was that #he basically has very high luck and wanderlust as a survival adaptation. he goes places #meets everyone. has a good time bc very lucky. and learns leagues more stuff than he would in a normal lifetime #so originally i wanted to just do stories about him traveling the wasteland and ultimately various regions of the world just. #vibin and hangin out with fellow freaks. ah well. one thing at a time

[bumblingbabooshka]

Worst Guy Ever - Also, Unfortunately, Very Homosexual Convo. (subtextually)

#Evidence of Tom being a bad boyfriend is also in a file labeled 'Tom wants to fuck Steth so bad' #but seriously I wanted to deck him in this convo v_v FORTUNATELY it is bearable bc I think that's the point - like the narrative is #showing that Tom is 'ruining what he's worked for' by being a dick to B'Elanna so I'm not like meta-mad about it (like OTHER Tom/B'Elanna #moments) <- Ex: Tom saying 'I have a beautiful girlfriend' instead of something like #'someone I care about/a girl I love' but that's a like...tv writing thing. I don't like it but I know it's a tv writing thing #Woman as like a status symbol instead of a person you care about #I never care about Tom's inner conflict in Tom episodes (with the exception of the one where he gets thrown in solitary - him going full #rogue was fun) bc his inner conflict is always the most boomer bullshit #Literally he's just having a midlife crisis in this one. #BUT...GUYS....IMPORTANT NEWS...BULLDOG'S IN THIS ONE?? #BULLDOG ?? My enemy BULLDOG BRISCOE from Frasier??? Good to see you man! This makes sense. #Steth....WHY would you choose to turn into a guy with a detailed and established web of interconnected relationships on a ship with a #complex hierarchy? Steth really thought he'd be able to play it cool on VOYAGER...the USS codependent...nu uh #they sniff you out and maul you like gophers on that baby #EHHEHEEH the Emh is funny as hell...'WOW...I had no idea me being so perfect at everything was making you feel bad! It all makes sense to #me now...' / Steth(as Tom):....Yeah v_v #SNRKEHEHEHEHEHEH GUYS..I'm taking a mental health day so I can reflect on myself and how even though I'll never be as good as the Doctor #I'm probably still worth SOMETHING #Steth(as Tom): Hey now B'Elanna...let's not go around blaming Steth for things. He's a pretty cool guy actually. #Okay yes confirmed! The above convo is also to show that Steth is 'being better' than Tom by telling B'Elanna what she wants to hear #unfortunately this does not make me like Tom more #SHE WANTS SO LITTLE. SHE ASKS FOR SO LITTLE. #BC Tom DOES say that B'Elanna is 'overreacting' and basically calls her crazy even when it's not for a later moral lesson and #this isn't framed as bad by the narrative. If your girl's always mad at you then your relationship ISN'T good. #There's literally NO resolution once again to their relationship issues. Tom shows her his garage program and when B'Elanna says she feels #she doesn't value her he says 'Yeah I do.' episode ends. #T/B scenes are literally [conflict arises then they argue or kiss] <- it is never...RESOLVED... #Me @ The Writers: (B'Elanna voice) Is this your idea of an adult conversation? #OH. Gay subtext: I hate spending time with my girl I want to hang out and live the bachelor life with my cool guy friend. #Tom's grease monkey program might as well be a subscription to playgirl magazine sit DOWN dude

[kleptonancydrew]

Things I did to prepare for Key:

brought my laptop to work

put on a movie for one of my classes so I could download the game

-movie was rated R, there were so many tits in my classroom, absolute fuckup

made another class watch a video on youtube and reflect on it, told them I was grading videos from seniors

-put in headphones and started playing the game while 'teaching'

continued playing the game while one of my classes was testing

-pretty sure someone cheated, did not have capacity to care - had already caught someone that morning, didn't want to go through the process again

-lied to them about grading senior papers too

breakfast for dinner

gave my next day's first, third, and fifth periods to a coworker (I didn't have 2nd or 3rd)

fell asleep at work today

(continued to let my class watch the rated R movie so I could actually grade the papers I was supposedly grading before)

#Key #don't tell my boss how badly I halfassed these past couple of days #because from his perspective I'm still pretty on top of things - at least compared to him #he asked to speak with me at the end of the day and I thought a parent had complained about the movie #no - he apologised for not being on top of something I had e-mailed about earlier this week and wanted to check in on it #every time I worry I'm bad at my job there is someone doing a worse job that makes me feel better about myself #I'll eventually post more about the game itself #but I actually do need to get my senior stuff done cause they graduate on Sunday #though I did get my last kid to passing today #now all of my seniors will pass my classes #idk about their others #except for one of them - that has three kids - my seniors needed to pass my classes for graduation #my freshies are not all going to pass #but it's on them #because if you turn in the classwork - even if tests aren't your thing - you will pass #I had a kid last year who will not be earning a diploma and literally cannot read who passed my class #because all you need to do is turn in the fucking work - even if you're getting 30s on tests and your work is crap - just complete it #thanks for reading my rambles this far - I promise I do care so much for my kids #just irritated with a few right now #(before you come for me - I accept late work for partial credit #until the last day of class which is more lenient than the school's policy)

[perfectnothing]

let your spirit leave your body i am god and you’re nobody

please don’t tag as kin/me

#sth #sonic the hedgehog #sonic #friday night funkin #fnf #vs rewrite #rewrite #sonic exe #you want some lore????!!!! you want some lore about flower!?!?!?!! #i used to be a BIIIIIG fan of sonic exe. THAT was my edgy 11 yr old phase for me #not anymore tho but yeah thats your Cool Fun Fact about me! #exe's mostly become uninteresting to me but i've noticed something fascinating growing within the sonic community #sonic exe has deviated so much from the original that he's become what YOU make of him. sonic exe is what YOU do with him #he's not scary anymore. he's art. he's what YOU do with him now. he can't exist without you #he's no longer a scary story but he's a creative outlet for others to tell their tales. if that's not poetic then what is? #i dunno but go check out vs rewrite! it's based on sonic exe acting more like an actual demon and the mod has a lot of love for sonic cd #one of the most interesting takes on sonic exe. and utilizes vocal synths too! #ONE DAY i'll learn how to paint and ONE DAY i'll learn how to draw hands #i'm cringe but i'm free #doodles

[frecklystars]

keri!!! there's a new ken doll with the i am kenough hoodie that has a different face and it looks like ryan!!!

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT LOOKS JUST LIKE HIM???? THAT'S MY KEN???? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 WUHWUH I'M SOBBING. BRO. THAT'S REALLY MY KEN!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭 WHAT THE HELL. IT'S GOT HIS GODDAMN KIND EYES. CHISELED FEATURES. I'M SO SAD I CAN'T AFFORD TO PURCHASE ANYTHING RIGHT NOW 😭😭😭😭😭 AHGUHGH... might have to open commissions earlier JUST for him because I want him so badly

Thank you so much for telling me, I would not have known otherwise. I have email updates on Mattel's website but I've never gotten any notifications for new Barbie Dolls. So it means the WORLD TO ME that you guys have been keeping me updated on the new dolls and new clothes, because otherwise I genuinely would have no idea. And the fact that he's sculpted to look like Ryan makes me so, so happy 🥺🥺🥺🥺 oh my god look at him. that's my kennnn 😭😭😭😭😭 I got so emotional seeing this I have tears in my eyes. whwhhgh. THAT'S MY KEN 😭😭😭😭💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

Well, I'll DEFINITELY open 2 extra commission slots in November so I can try to preorder this before the window closes. Thank you so much for telling me 🥺🥺🥺🥺 oh my god please. please. look at him. isn't he so beautiful??? OH HE'LL LOOK SO CUTE WITH MY BRACELET ON HIMMMM

The only problem--

2024??? HE WON'T COME HOME FOR A YEAR???????????????

#MATTEL COME ON #anonymous #asks #keepsake #💕 I'll fight for you!! - ̗̀🐎🏖️✨ ̖́- #YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING CUTE HE WOULD LOOK WITH MY BLUE 'K' BRACELET??? #AUGHHHH #I NEED HIM SO BADLY #THIS + THE FAUX MINK KEN. but at least that one comes in February #this one I don't even know if I'll be hyperfixated on Ryan's characters a year from now 😭 I never know... #but regardless. in the meantime. I WILL preorder this. I don't want to miss out #if he didn't have Ryan's face I'd be willing to save my money and wait #BUT HASHTAG THAT'S MY KEN WE ARE TALKING ABOUT #when i tell you i had tears in my eyes looking at him. my god #i know i cry easily these days when i see him but this is just. fkdjgsfkdjgh #IM JUST ACTIVELY WEEPING OVER A KEN DOLL DON'T MIND ME. MY HEART IS JUST SO BIG. #AND MY LOVE FOR HIM IS JUST SO ENDLESS AND OVERFLOWING #I hope he can feel my love from here. when I hug his dolls everyday #in BarbieLand I hope it makes him feel so snuggly and warm

[syncrovoid-presents]

I will continue being gone for a few days, sadly my original al plan of releasing the newest chapter of The Consequence Of Imagination's Fear has also been delayed. My apologies

Can't go into detail because its hush hush not-legally-mentionable stuff but today is my fifth 12 hour no-break work day. I'm also packing to move too in a fortnight (which is a Big Yahoo!! Yippee!! I'll finally have access to a kitchen!! And no more mold others keep growing!!! So exciting!!!)

#syncrovoid.txt #delete later #OKAY SO! this makes it sound like i have a super important job but really we are understaffed and ive barely worked there a year now #graduated college a few years early 'cause i finished high school early (kinda? it's complicated) #now i am in a position where i am in the role of a whole Quality Assurance team (testing and write ups) #a Task Manager/Planner #Software Developer and maybe engineer? not sure the differences. lots of planning and programming and debugging ect ect #plus managing the coworker that messed up and doing his stuff because it just isnt good enough. which i WILL put in my end day notes #our team is like 4 people lol. we severely need more because rhe art department has like 10 people?? #crunch time is.. so rough.. #its weirdddddd thinking about this job since its like i did a speedrun into a high expectations job BUT in my defense i was hired before #i graduated. and like SURE my graduating class had literally 3 people so like there was a 86%-ish drop out rate?? #did a four year course in 2 BY ACCIDENT!! i picked it on a whim. but haha i was picked to give advice and a breakdown on the course so it #could be reworked into a 3 year course (with teachers that dont tell you to learn everything yourself) so that was neat #im rambling again but i have silly little guy privileges and a whole lot of thoughts haha #anywho i am SO hyped to move!! I'll finally get away from the creepy guy upstairs (i could rant for days about him but he is 0/10 the worst) #it will be so cool having access to a kitchen!! and literally anything more than 1 singular room #(it isnt as bad as it sounds i just have a weird life. many strange happenings and phenomenons) #<- fun fact about me! because why not? no one knows where i came from and i dont 100% know if my birthday is my birthday #i just kinda. exist. @:P #i mean technically i was found somewhere and donated to some folks (they called some different people and whoever got there first got me) #but still i think it is very silly! i have no ties to a past not my lived one! i exist as a singularity! #anywho dont think about it too hard like i guess technically ive been orphaned like twice but shhhhhhhh #wow. i am so sleep deprived. i am so so sorry to anyone who may read this #i promise im normal #@:|

[ashorterurl]

.

#holy shit i hate the fb groups so much #like do NOT tell people dont speculate as if its something bad #we're left with nothing but speculation #you wake up one day and they tell you good morning btw this person is gone anyway bye #and youre just supposed to say ah ok i see thay sucks #?? #obviously the friends and family sre a priority and its way too early to tell the fans anything #but i hava the right to wonder why and how and like. why #it's a natural response to seek closure #and you have a bunch of people who are like oooohhh you can't speculate thats baaaad if friends and family want to share at some point they #will #like shut up dude #i dont claim we have a right to know about what happened because we really dont and this is truly up to the people close to him #and in the end if they want they can also lie #but we do have the right to wonder why something like this happened so suddenly wnd out of nowhere #ranting because i hate it when people tell you it's unethical to ask questions about something even if its just thinking out loud #as an emotional response #like how the fuck do you guys think I'll process this #with this dry and vague announcement #if it works for you great but for me it doesnt really #i know because its been 3h now and im still waiting for them to maybe say something more about it #logically its not going to happen so soon but still

[zemnarihah]

my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....

#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth #she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her #directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her #and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because #you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple #days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and #she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends. #and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only #give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i #didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she #says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do. #i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was #really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think #for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe #since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why. #i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a #fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if #i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person #to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a #conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a #hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend #group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Horsies in the Plex if Roxy is a horse lover before she knows they've ever existed here is really good honestly. She's off exploring, finding random horse themed things and immediately drops what she's doing to run over to Vanessa with it like "LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!!" cause Vanessa also likes horsies and is the reason Roxy likes them so much in the first place.

Like it starts with a prop horseshoe or something. Then she's finding plushies and building a little collection of them, making sure to give Vanessa one every time she finds a new one. Then she finds a random ass saddle or a bunch of prop hay bales or something. A bridle. Some bit pieces. A harness for a wagon. The wagon itself. Horse action figures. Whatever else. She's been excited about every single thing she's found so far and wonders how much more there is to find...

Opens a new storage room door and she finds actual fucking horses. Deactivated, dusty as hell, animatronic horsies.

Fucking grabs Vanessa and takes off running into areas Vanessa is absolutely not allowed to be in at all to show her all the horsies sndjjd like "VANESSAA!!! THERE'S HORSES!!!! NESSA HORSES ARE REAL!!! THEY REALLY EXIST NESSA LOOOOK!!!!"

#there's so much fun with these horsies #listen she's got a special interest that makes her super happy #all tail wags and tippy taps while her four minis get so excited for her #biggest enablers of the special interest jdjdnid #oh and for the record vanessa does NOT have a special interest here. she was a horse kid growing up and still likes them #but she's nowhere near as interested anymore #Roxy just shows up and drops a horse plushie on her so excited about it and vanessa is... #well she's shocked cause where the fuck did that come from but also what do you MEAN it's hers?? #this is the thing with roxy. her dog programming makes strong emotions really hard to contain #so she HAS to show her the horsies and she HAS to run loops around her to do it #when she's excited enough about something sitting still feels like a death sentence she's actually going to EXPLODE #she's a little bean!!! cute and adorable and a good bit overwhelming to the unprepared!!! #the downside is that thus carries over to sadness anger frustration and every other emotion she can feel #she can't contain shit. she can kind of mask with overconfidence but only if she's had time to calm down first #she's just so dog like that #fnaf security breach #roxanne wolf #plex history: horses #they have an official tag now because i love them #fnaf vanessa #yeah sure fuck it I'll tag them both shjdj #i just have this mental image of roxy running in at the end of nessa's shift to give her a pony plushie #but the day guard is there to swap with her so he bares witness to excited puppy roxy and is so fucking confused #she gets super embarrassed when she notices him but poppet and tippy are like 'hey... hes probably jealous' #and she fucking shoots off to go get him one too. fucking blasts the door down when she gets back to hand him a horsie #'tippy said you'd be jealous so i got you one too.' and he's so fucking confused cause who the FUCK is tippy??? #Vanessa behind Roxy just nodding and gesturing to go with it and when he does she's both surprised and overjoyed he likes the horsies too #still embarrassed but HORSIES!!! #'where did you even get these??' 'found em!' 'yeah be where?' 'oh ya know... around.' '?????' #vanessa just tells him to drop it cause she doesn't have a clue either and that's obviously not about to change ever lmao