#snazum talks

[snazum]

WIP scripting idea for a HLVRAI short film. Takes place between 1 and 2. It’s a game au, with a supernatural twist (he got sucked into the game and doesn’t remember). Looking for feedback. :3€

#snazum talks #hlvrai

[snazum]

i guess deep down, i am still obsessed with tf2, almost started crying cause of a scout changes over time vid

#i want to play again i miss playing #im a busy bee tho n like playing with friends so i dont play on my own #snazum talks

[snazum]

A series of comics based on my trans experience. Sort of related to each other?

Please stop dead naming me.

It makes stuff awkward and potentially dangerous.

I'm sorry I couldn't be [REDACTED].

#snazum talks #snazum draws #transgender #transmasc #transgender experience #transgender vent #my gender experience is a mess and im tired and wish i was cis or just didnt exist i dont know why noah came to be #im sorry mom we both wish i wasnt trans i know. #this is a mess of thoughts ive had a rough day and its 3am so please excuse me #i hate talking about my gender and my problems especially online it feels like im looking for pity or smth

[snazum]

this is just me theorizing and I haven't actually read any theories yet AND this is gonna be half baked cause I just want to put my surface thought so far into the world.

Wayne did say there was a deeper meaning behind HLAGE. And that it meant a lot to him (If i'm remembering correctly.)

And I think they said that gnome chompski representing chat was close and/or correct. Could the series sort of be a representation towards how he feels about streaming and creation? Having the gnome AKA "chat" take over and play HL2 sort of like a representation of having this giant shadow of what people want for HLVRAI2 sort of thing.

And also having this sort of love hate relationship. And growing fond of the gnome anyways, to the point that he realizes he misses the gnome when it's gone. (Never thought I realized idk the gnomes pronouns).

Uhhh there's more but I can't put word into thought yet. Take this as a demo???? Of my thoughts. I guess.

#dude my brain is melting I just got off work #but I've been thinking about this on and off for like weeks #This post is a fucking mess i'm sorry #its the potential undiagnosed neurodivergence #I will probably write a proper one once I do more research and have hours to write this in a concise readable way #hlage #half life alyx but the gnome is self aware #half life alyx gnome edition #so scared to put this in main tag but idgaf at the same time #i could be so sooo wrong and misremembering shit rn #so launch me into the sun and lock me in the vault if im wrong eh #hlage theory #snazum talks

[snazum]

i need science party content based around engies gunslinger rn, this is a need

#snazum talks #science party #im cooking up smth rn actually cause im a little insane

[snazum]

NO FUCK MY PC RESTARTED. NOOOOO AUGHHH. This is terrible timing. What happens to the half encoded disc?!??!??

#snazum talks #im actually loosing it im so done augh

[snazum]

i should make a bunch of silly ster merch :p

#snazum talks #for people like me :3 i love him lots lol

[snazum]

i wish hl2 was a dating sim n i got to date barney and we would hold hands n blush like school kids n sit on the roof of a building and kick our feet and drink beers and

#sorry im thinking about him #i need to finish hl2 im stuck IN THE BOAT SECTION #cause im a pussy or smth idk. i get busy n work on stuff n not finish games #i have so many unfinished games. #mainly been playing multiplayer games so maybe thats why too #i like gaming with my buddies n fam #snazum talks

[snazum]

i miss hlvrai… like being into it, not WOAH RTVS FUCKING MAKE MORE HLVRAI N O W

nah i just miss “being in the community” and making stuff for it lol

n maybeee im gaining motivation to work on that fanfilm again

#really really want to work on that fanfilm but my anxiety around scheduling and asking frienfs for help with it is eating me alive #‘anxiety’ honestly idk what the emotion or vibe is i shall just call it that #PEOPLE AND FRIENDS HAVE LEGIT SAID ITS GOOD WRITING N PLANNING!! And I still sit here going: #‘nooo its cringe :(‘ even tho cringe culture is dead to me n idc but its different when its me #u knowv #also i gotta wait until no ones busy n right now we’re all busy lol #summer come faster n slower pleaseee thanks #i also need to go location hunting cause. this isnt gonna work otherwise #and set up a weekend to do it :3 #snazum talks #more like snazum rambles in the tags like a f reak XD

[snazum]

ehehehhehe (Will post the shop link once I can see these in person hence me ordering them lol I want to verify the quality first!! Idk how they're gonna turn out so)

#snazum talks

[snazum]

obligatory sorry ive been gone (i dont care im usually not active anyways n no one cares- AKA: I want to share shit cause I can >:D)

I have been working on costume stuff, commission work (can’t share sorz) and! Drawing twitch streamers… Mainly just watching them actually. I’ll see if i can dig up any drawings i’ve done but probably not lol

excited to share my medigun when its finished tho >:3

EDIT: I’ve also been playing a shit ton of deep rock galatic

#snazum talks #rn im waiting for an edible to kick in so i can have dinner #short vers of story: im a picky eater n dont want to have fucking old ass rice n chicken. again. im sick of it! #i want food we dont have in the house so i’m hoping the munchies will make me want everything #ive come to realize i might be autistic too. maybe? idk im to scared to say i mighth be so this shall be the last u hear of this

[snazum]

i hate that i get the biggest surge of creative energy and Do Stuff motivation between the hours of 2am-5am. Like i’d like a normal sleep schedule.

ALSO! It’s I want to Do Stuff with Others. Like everyones asleep as they should be! But I’m over here like “oh I should ask this person what they think of this idea. Lets make this thing together”

Also! Wish capitalism would fucking die. Everyones busy and has jobs (and school but thats important stuff so please do it) and I’m over here being a NEET. Actually it’s embarrassing but moving on. (got a school advisor app thing this week super excited and nervous <not for reasons you’d think>) But like, I /know/ friends who’d want to create and do things but unfortunetly are burned out by work and school and shitty fucking people.

Can’t wait to get into the film program. Little scared cause I don’t want to have to deal with the whole “Oh u don’t watch movies? What was the first marvel movie budget” or smth. It was really fuckin annoying in highschool. And it felt like it was cause I was “fem presenting” (I wasn’t. I was p masc. Just higher voice, small, quiet and all around fem socialized) So idk, the way I react and read the situation is an attack on my knowledge <Which I’ll always admit I live under a rock>

#snazum talks #that got long and derailed lmao #once had a dude who has no idea im trans p sure ask me a basic hockey question #it was ‘do you know carey price’ and YEAH DUH #he got very confused as to why I got defensive and agressive and I blamed it on being tired idk #i fuckinf hate that instant response to be defensive about knowledge but i cant help it #especially when growing up its assumed u dont know basic stuff cause ur a woman or just into it to see cool #this is what i mean by fem socialized. #also live with my mother who believes women cant do men jobs (my dad laughs at this idea) when i was like #‘yo its easy to fix the tub found a yt vid’ but shes like ‘oh no just wait for ur uncle or my bf’ like brooo we can fix it now!! #anyways yeah dude i could talk forever its bad #if u see me talking online a lot its cause my friends r busy and i cant socialize with anyone

[snazum]

medic turns slightly italian when I voice him XD Also they all suffer from my lisp. Or whatever it is where i slur my words and my inability to read XD

#snazum talks

[snazum]

grrr bark bark, i cannot decide on a fremind design!!! He’s like a small white guy in my head but I also want to just draw him like me (small waisan guy) !!

Cause I see myself in freemind cosplay and I’m like “Yea!!! That’s the guy!!” I might reupload my designs later with him fixed

(me in cosplay for reference)

Photos taken by the lovely mikealcer on instagram, she’s awesome 🫶🫶

#snazum talks #snazum cosplays #freemind #freemans mind #freemind cosplay #freemans mind cosplay

[snazum]

i love him so much. I understand my friend who spend a week painting a dude Screencap from recent stream, cannot remember which one rn It's late lol

#snazum talks #wip #ster

[snazum]

how does everyone design their interpretation of hlvrai gordon? he like fluctuates in my mind. ever changing. i also blame the fact i have been binge watching rtvs content. like oh my god im so brain rotted. so I picture two hlvrai gordons now.

one is just wayne, but to the left.

he will never be consistent in my art, just like my art in general.

maybe I’ll just draw the full hev suit now. fuck it

#hlvrai #snazum talks