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#simply because hes Changed now
sirenofthegreenbanks · 2 months
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《山河令》 WORD OF HONOR (2021) | Episode 20
Dear, the kiss that steals your breath Will steal your soul instead When night is all that's left So wait, keep your heart inside My hand won't keep it safe I'll just feed on dreams and smile as hope slowly dies –The Rigs, Run Baby Run
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starry-stormy-knight · 4 months
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whatup i was my dad's dream son until he switched career paths :)
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 7 months
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No teen farewell is complete without embarrassment.
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hi hi okay imagine. stede wants to brush out ed's hair the way izzy always does. maybe izzy is busy on deck taking note of damages after a raid. maybe they had an infestation and he's going over ration spoilage and inventory with roach. ed is tired and cranky and absentmindedly separating sections of curls and tugging them apart at the bottom where they get stuck together in knots. stede offers to help with the tangles, says he would love to give it a go and help ed relax
izzy walks in a few minutes later and immediately comes up and tells stede he's doing it all wrong but also gently takes the brush from him and shows him the right way - where to hold the hair, how to start at the bottom with little sections and work his way up, when to start with his fingers instead of the brush. neither of them can see it but ed is smiling so much his face might actually burst
#ofmd hc#steddyhands#izzy hands#edward teach#stede bonnet#listen. you really think stede knows how to do hair#no way did he have an intimate enough connection with mary to do this for her#and alma's hair looks fairly thin and straight so even if he did give the occasional brush before bedtime long curly hair is so different#especially out in the ocean air?? that is not a ten second process to undo let me tell you#yes I'm strongly in club izzy-did-jeff's-hair but even if he didn't then I think it would have been ed#stede simply doesn't have the experience and know-how - yet#izzy on the other hand. i like to think this is something of a ritual that they have#ed sitting back with his leg stretched out at the end of a long day and izzy behind him first working out the tangles slowly bit by bit#then once all the tangles are gone just brushing from the top of his scalp down the full length of his hair in long and gentle strokes#izzy would have him practically purring and when he's done ed would be ready to fall asleep right then and there#izzy nudging ed to get into bed because he might not care now but he'll care in the morning if sleeping here fucks up his knee or back#(because no one is more of an expert at taking care of ed than izzy)#maybe their ritual can change to involve izzy starting on each section and undoing the worst of the knots with his fingers#then stede following it up with brushing out each section#stede doing the post-tangle brushing until ed's hair is as soft as it can be while izzy lies next to ed with his head in ed's lap#bonus: ed now gets to run his hands through izzy's hair too can you imagine#ANYWAY i'm here for this very soft tender stizzy moment of izzy teaching stede to properly care for ed#just a little post
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shadowedvales · 12 days
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so… in the additional media of stranger things (specifically the comics i’m mentioning), it was initially brenner’s idea/plan to kill off the other test subjects because they weren’t performing as well as eleven was. it was his best solution because that way, all the resources, time, and money could instead be placed only to her. and i just…. sure henry is a fine character and the massacre makes a lot of sense to me, but i think i am once again gonna change up my canon to actually fit this potential narrative instead.
i genuinely think the comic canon of the lab and brenner is far more intriguing than the show. everything with 9/9.5, ricky, and francine. eleven being the only one who grew up completely in the lab. those other kids were either volunteers, well into their teens, or had some semblance of a home life. eleven was the only one practically moulded from the womb. and they all had such a range of interesting powers. i firmly stand with the idea that jane is the only one who can contact the void.
brenner’s entire point of view on the lab subjects changed the second he found out terry was pregnant. he discovered he could steal this baby and make her his own. there would be no convincing the child because it’s all she would have ever known. because of this, i would not put it past a man like brenner to kill the other subjects for the sake of the “greater good” in this case, eleven.
eleven’s gifts just continue thriving beyond his wildest expectations. brenner would never dare assume that having moulded her from the womb, she would still be able to grow into her own person, her own mind, and one day be able to see him for exactly who he was.
back before season four aired, it was obvious there were other test subjects because jane was 011. so there were at least ten kids before her. but i always liked the idea/assumed that she was the last experiment because she was the most successful. that they didn’t need anyone after her because she was fulfilling everything they set out for her to do. with flying colours.
i just think the whole rainbow room idea, pitting the kids against each other thing… been there, done that. boring and predictable. i think at this point my portrayal of her time in hawkins lab really stems from the complete isolation she endured. where having the rainbow room, although eleven was obviously the most isolated out of the kids, brings that sense of community and sister/brotherhood. albeit extremely warped and toxic. knowing that she wasn’t alone in that experience just. doesn’t sit well with me. i think it’s important to note that she was alone, physically and mentally. which is why kali is also so important to her growth. i thought a lot of the flashbacks of her time in the lab during season four was really boring, repetitive, and just very predictable. although peter becoming vecna was a surprise to me, and was a nice little twist, the idea of her having an ally on the inside was really interesting.
maybe they did get as far as they do in canon, peter ballad was telling the truth about everything, about some of the workers there being prisoners like him, and he really wanted to get her out and to safety. but before they can escape through the pipes, they’re caught. peter is shot on the spot, and eleven is put into the isolation room for a few days as punishment. in this timeline, henry would be vecna, but henry would not be peter ballad.
when eleven turned seven, and was already showing extreme promise, where the other children were average at best, brenner had the eight children killed. kali had already escaped. this was the main cause for peter to gain eleven’s trust and try to get her out. because if brenner could murder his “children” in cold blood, there’s no way eleven was safe even in spite of her power.
when eleven is allowed out of the isolation room, her testing becomes more rigorous in attempt to distance and make her forget about what she attempted to do with peter. brenner begins gaslighting her, saying that there was never a peter, that she must have been dreaming. eleven does ask “papa” about “mama”, given peter told her of the day terry broke in the lab, but brenner is convincing enough to make eleven believe it was all in her head. say she is around eight years old, meaning the same timeline of season fours canon flashbacks.
i still do wanna keep the henry creel canon, and keep him as 001. brenner didn’t have him killed alongside the other test subjects, because who knows, one day he could become an even better asset than 011. brenner definitely wants to be able to control henry, but keeps the chip in him because, for the moment, doesn’t know how. killing him would be too big of a loss.
when eleven is ten years old, henry’s concealed powers break free and he manages to get the chip out himself, and unleashes hell onto hawkins lab. he almost kills brenner by snapping his bones, but eleven manages to stop him. her extreme abilities are unleashed, and she sends henry to the upside down. she does fall into a coma due to the extremity of the situation, but she does not forget what happened. brenner believes she’s the perfect weapon as she stepped in to save him without a second thought, was able to defeat henry, and opened a door to something he never thought possible. eleven is rewarded for her efforts. although she remembers the entire battle / confrontation, her memories regarding the portal are very hazy.
brenner decides not to focus on the portal straight away, instead gets her training harder and harder to see what else she can accomplish. also loved the idea of brenner sending her into the void to “look for him” so that will definitely be kept.
by the time she escapes and season one begins, her knowledge of the upside down is basically what we see in canon. because she passed out the moment after she sent henry away, she was once again gaslighted into believing she merely threw him through the glass and killed him. for two years she believed this, until making contact with the demogorgan, and those memories return completely.
due to her saving brenner’s life, (it was pure instinct. she happened to be there. saw her “papa” hurt and knew she had to make him better.) brenner constantly thanks her. but in a very condescending way. tells her: “you saved me so i can continue saving you.” aka, harness your abilities and see what else i can achieve from you. despite the fact that she saved his life, these words and phrases make her feel indebted to him. that she owes him something further.
i don't realistically see her thriving with her speech improvement until she's well into her twenties at least. her slowed development, sensory and social deprivation causes a serious delay in language. surrounded by other children she would have overheard conversations, some would have spoken to her. her conveniently forgetting her upbringing pre the battle with henry just isn't good enough for me anymore. it makes more sense for her to have been raised alone.
it also helps indicate why she gravitated towards the boys when they found her in the woods. they would have been the first people her age she ever remembered seeing. as far as she knew, during the lab there was no one like her. everyone was much older, they were adults-- although she stayed with benny, i'm not sure if she would have stuck around very long. where she followed the boys home without thought.
also it's important to note that after time, jane does understand that peter ballad was a real person, and was truly the first person (aside from terry) who wanted the best for her. when she remembers him, knows that brenner was lying, she deals with immense guilt regarding his death. he was shot right in front of her eyes, because he was trying to help her. this is another catalyst as to why after season two, jane never refers to brenner as papa. she does not give him that sort of credit.
#study‚ in my dreams it's all real and my heart has so much to reveal.#THINKING THOUGHTS. i have had this concept in mind for a while but i THINK i’ve fleshed it out properly now.#will write this up properly one day (never).#although henry offering eleven a place at his side wouldn’t be canon#he would definitely still look at her as an enemy for basically stopping his revenge.#AND the whole speech between he and jane never sat right with me.#saying brenner made him what he was / that it wasnt his fault etc. Like. No? henry was a sociopath. he killed his family.#brenner didn’t do anything to make him who he is. so jane always saw him for exactly what he was#and there’s absolutely no sympathy there.#and then regarding my season four canon as her regaining her powers by remembering the massacre/the fight. i am changing that to her#regaining her powers by simply confronting her past. understanding what she went through. finding ways to cope with it physically and#mentally. getting coping mechanisms from her therapist. seeking help. not needing to know WHY this happened to her (because there is not.#and will never be a reason.) but finding ways to accept it and move on. how to move on from eleven and become janessa ives.#also just because in this case henry doesn’t massacre a bunch of kids? It doesn’t make him any less evil. in this instance i am following#the idea that some of the workers were prisoners there in hawkins lab. and henry killed a bunch of the workers. so would definitely have#killed some innocent people.#just because i am separating peter from henry. does NOT mean i am excusing anything from henry/vecna.#in this case they are two completely different people. although i highkey wanna use jcb as peter because he just did the role SO WELL and#was SO BELIEVABLE i’m not sure about it yet. because i don’t want anyone to get the impression that i’m making excuses for henry.#BUT YES.#this be the new canon. <3#idc brenner is such a good fuckin villain he’s disgusting but so intriguing.
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aroacettorney · 3 months
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dont mind me. im simply just putting together a ludgercasey angst collection.
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#aro ludgercasey propaganda#''why cant u be normal abt them'' how can i be normal abt them when solid 80% of their interactions is either angst or stemmed from angst.#even their ''fluff'' moments were also angst.#literally no one does angst like they do.#ludger prefers to keep most of his connections extremely impersonal/professional.#but whether or not he wants to admit it theirs on the other hand simply does not... fit in that category.#he'd even tried to convert it that way but it just didnt stick bc neither of them could help but be themselves around each other lmfao.#ludger is seemly still oblivious to caseys attempt to mend their personal relationship.#which is not too surprising considering he was also oblivious to the existence of their past relationship.#after all there was no reason for him to believe that casey would want to have anything to do with him. except maybe putting him in jail.#so pushing her away seems to be the most logical decision right? personal relationship is a luxury to him anyway.#alas casey who wanted to believe in their past friendship takes it as a sign that ludger has no interest in maintaining it.#she now has to take a step back because ''if you force a relationship it may become more estranged.''#so unless he takes the initiative they are likely stuck in this limbo.#(casey might use impersonal excuses to stay around but rn its all up to ludger to change the nature of their relationship)#casey girlie forget him i would have treated you so much better... is what i would have loved to say.#i wouldnt be suffering this much if ludger wasnt clearly holding himself back most of the time / if it was completely one-sided from casey.#i dont know if this is a slow burn or hurt no comfort but if casey gets no closure im gonna commit arson 😔
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hugedwarflover · 4 months
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Grim Gloom: If you're dealt a bunch of lemons, you gotta take those lemons and stuff them down somebody's throat until they see yellow.
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catastrxblues · 8 months
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hi so i just finished bridge to terabithia and now i’m unwell and my eyes are red because i’ve been crying before i’d even reached 20 minutes of it for i actually knew what was going to happen and by the time i reached an hour something something i just straight up sobbing screaming into my pillow. and now it’s 12 am and i’m still thinking about them. because god, look at them, how they were, the little world they lived in, wouldn’t you just love that, to run away, to escape, to grasp that childhood naivety and innocence that you lost a long time ago, to feel the sun in your skin and the air in your lungs and to paint fantasies and laugh and play and run hidden away from the world and find an old run down tree house and decided to make it your own little shelter and pin up canvases on the worn wood and paint and let your creativity goes wild and have someone understand you and gets you and do it with you, and wouldn’t you just love to have something so constant, so sincere, so genuine, so pure, so real, that there wasn’t anything else. if i knew i was going to cry this much, if i knew how much space this movie would make in my life, i wouldn’t have started this movie tonight. i would have been in peace on the floor of my room, not realizing how badly i actually want something like this even though i would never unironically admit this to anyone in my life or even myself when i’m outside of the familiar place of my mind, for that matters
#bridge to terabithia#how am i supposed to recover#i wasn’t planning to write a paragraph about it but yeah i kinda love this movie i guess#i needed a good cry and the universe didn’t stop me from choosing this movie i don’t know if that’s nice or simply mean#i was going to watch la la land after this but that’s not gonna happen now#i’m not reading back what i wrote otherwise i would just delete it because i’d think this movie deserves better more coherent thoughts#and i’d say that i’d just rewrite it tomorrow but then i wouldn’t#because nothing would ever beat the “everything i create has to be great or nothing” in me#and i never am proud of what i made unless it’s supposedly only for my viewing#so i actually don’t know if what i just wrote make sense but yeah#my eyes feel so weird right now#also the ending was definitely up to interpretations!! (spoiler alert* just in case)#i myself personally like to believe he dreamed up the last 30 minutes of it and didn’t even go to the museum#and so he’ll just wake up definitely shocked but then still find leslie in her house who was just about to meet him so they could go!!#and because the rope was cut off by the lightning from last night they decide to build the bridge so everyone could cross safe and sound!!#i like my ending better they really should change it#but no all and all the end was really beautiful#even though it took me maybe even an hour to get through it because i keep sobbing and have to repeat over and over to hear what they said#yeah okay anyways sorry for the rant<3#i’m not sure what this is#but glad i could get it off my chest#let’s see how to tag how to tag#movies#just#childhood#whatever <3#nadirants
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c1nn4-bunny · 5 months
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In case anyone wanted an update on my mental state atm
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I'm so normal and okay about him (I'm in the Anger stage of grief, okay.)
I've always really hated reading x reader stuff (I'm a trans guy... who ends up interested in male characters... I'm sure you can assume why I'd be a bit miffed about the gender ratio on those, right. And how some/most gn!reader ones are just straight up lies or afterthoughts for what was very clearly meant to be a x female!reader — apart from the fact gn!reader fics in general are rare to see) but istg I'll fuckin do it. I WILL force myself to mentally correct everything if I have to !!!
#i have such a hatred toward x reader fics you have no idea okay#like its a rational one considering my circumstances but eugh#horrible that hes making me genuinely consider... r e a d i n g#> Crushes on bookworm boy who likes reading > Mad that he has to read#my time being a Wheatley simp did nothing but teach me that the only way to get ANY sort of#male or gender neutral reader fics was to literally sell my sould to satan or scroll for days on end to the tiniest caverns of a page#addition to the clearly not disguised gn!reader ones: last minute change from very obviously a ship fic#yeah hi i see you and your barely disguised ship-fic masquerading as an x reader. im strangling you actually <3#mini-mae was always so pissed off about it again ESPECIALLY during the wheatley simp era because come the fuck ON#the only expection ive made for gn! clearly being female is that Nigel smut fic I have saved simply because it's so funny to me#its so old and the creator only made it because a friend asked and I love that. so many typos and grammatical errors and. I love it#i want to remaster it as an homage because it's simply that funny. HELL MY SILLY SELFSHIP NIGEL IS BASED ON THEIR DESCRIPTION FOR HIM!#with added details ofc. the original draft of him is meh. i like my decision to accidentally make his hair longer with each drawing#BUT YEAH ive been joking about rewriting for a year now. ill do it eventually lmao <333#anyway uh rant over Cashew is ruining my brain im going to go scroll some tags now... and maybe check some sites...#c1nn4bunny.txt
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littlx-songbxrd · 1 year
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I got spoiled and im just gonna say it. Christopher Lightwood and David Kostyk dying the same year will and IS my villain origin story
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mrmcflowers · 4 months
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Small rant in the tags!
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multeasers · 8 months
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[ b52 ]  how would they describe themselves in as few words as possible? @/Toji 🤭
🐝  *  ―  𝑪𝑶𝑪𝑲𝑻𝑨𝑰𝑳 𝑸𝑼𝑰𝒁. ( send one or multiple of these to learn a little more about my muse(s). )
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He's the type of guy you'd have to press to do it, and if you manage to not annoy the ever living hell out of him in the process, he'd likely describe himself as a man too tired for anything, but still does shit anyway . If you do annoy him, though, he'll likely just give one-word answers : Diligent . Stubborn . Prideful . That sorta thing .
If you managed to get the real answer out of him, though, he'd describe himself as too fucked up . He's a man too fucked up who fucked up too much . He's desperate . He's remorseful . But he's also wholly selfish, and knows that what he wants he'll probably never get because of that, and of course much more . Again, he's a man who fucked up a lot .
If you really enforce limiting his words, though, and were still getting a legitimate answer, he'd just describe himself as sorry .
#mailbox : letter answered#known mailer : scintillate-stars#💔 ( blog lore )#i'd tag meta but :p#the way i tend to describe him though is a man who very much just wants his kids back in his life#and to have an opportunity for either some closure on it for them or just . a chance to fuckin fix it#it's the one damn thing in his life he wants to fix and it's the one thing in his life that has him describing himself in the ways#i answered above#the other shit he does beyond that is simply habitual and comforting because he'll only do shit he already knows#though now it's just . not at all good always but he can't help that it isn't because all the good shit he had all disappeared#at one point you might've been able to hear him describe himself as changing .#that he was a man striving for change because he found better in life#but now . well .#he's just sorry#can't exactly say that in a few words though and literally none of this answer is a few words but#i have many things to say is all ( ̄y~ ̄)╭#also none of this is at all to describe how he feels about like . everything in his life . like#he doesn't regret or feel sorry about all the shit abt gojou and getou and riko#he's family-oriented in the sense that he wants his family to actually be a damn family .#<- megs and miki i mean . since his wives are dead and there's no way in shit he's talkin' about the zen'in's ever#that's why he'd describe himself as selfish though :p he knows having a family likely isn't a reality for him now#let me stop talking though clearly i can't get prompts saying y'all want a few words AKLSDFMS#i swear i don't intentionally go against it it's just hard for me to stop myself 😭😭
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lambjock · 1 year
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he is everything to me, i fear !!
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oh-katsuki · 1 year
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something feels so wrong to me about making fun of sam smith’s performances. cracking jokes about the choreo, how they look doing the choreo, comparing their performances to mcdonald’s countdowns. when a lot of it... is the same shit so many other artists get praised for (harry styles being one of them). 
like... what’s this really about? because it sure as fuck isn’t about their actual vocal talent or their musical talent because y’all really seemed to LOOVEE their music when you couldn’t see them. 
is it actually about the “energy” of the performance? or the choreo? or is it maybe the fact that you’re made uncomfortable by the fact that after they took time off to recover, they look different from how they did before? is it maybe because you don’t like seeing people with body diversity be so comfortable in their skin, singing songs about sexual promiscuity, unless it fits your image of what is “acceptable” body diversity? 
is it really the choreo that you don’t like? the costumes? or is it maybe their entire existence in the spotlight as someone you deem to be “other”? 
#this is literally ALL over my social medias.. it's GROSS#sam smith's music.. as far as pop goes.. is good#it is the SAME genre as harry styles#with VERY similar concepts of costumes and sexuality#the only REAL difference (besides the fact that they are different artists)#is that harry styles fits the skinny.. eurocentric beauty standard for men#and is VERY conventionally attractive#whereas sam smith.. who is STILL attractive.. doesn't fit that mold quite as well since taking time off to recover#and that's OKAY#it is a GOOD THING that they're healthier now and trying to STAY healthy#y'all want to praise harry styles for doing the same shit... while knocking sam smith down... and your REASON for doing it is so PAINFULLY-#obvious#you are fucking transparent in your hatred of fat and bigger bodied people#i swear... this happens so often. skinny people will hide their blatant fatphobia behind middling excuses in an effort to-#protect the fact that they are made uncomfortable by bigger bodied people simply existing in the spotlight#like... let's not pretend the way people's opinions suddenly changed on the song unholy... and sam smith's tour#starting... are not related#like... come on. you are made of fucking glass.#and this isn't just with fat/bigger people (and im saying bigger because i do not think sam smith is fat. i think that he is literally just-#a middle size that y'all are CONVINCED is fat)#this happens with people of color too#happens with artists of color. happens with queer artists.#you are so fucking obvious when you do shit like this. when you say you support fat artists.. queer artists.. artists of color... and then-#turn around and make a  joke out of their art while praising some dumb fuck... straight... conventionally attractive man for doing-#the same thing.#and NONE of this is to say you have to like sam smith's music#personally.. i don't really like that genre of music#but you know what im NOT doing? making of a mockery of the way they LOOK of all things while simultaneously-#praising another artist for the same shit they're made fun of for#anyway... im pressed abt this
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outguilt · 5 months
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& noah hayes.    —     02     /    ??       mutuals   can   reblog.
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comfortstars · 3 months
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no actually. Can I be honest for a second. I know I said I wasn't gonna talk about it anymore but idgaf
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