#shosz speaks

[depollutingshosz]

DEVASTATED

i should have realized this since long ago from michael the distortion's statement, but mag 167 just made it clearer.

michael shelley never knew anything for all his life.

not when he was working in the archives. not when he was going on excursions with dear old precious gertrude. not when he was led to a door and tasked to enter it, given only a map. not when he was devoured.

oh michael, you have been such an easy, gullible experiment. a fool to care for a vile and hardened old woman. an ignorant assistant. a tool to stop an avatar's transcendence.

nothing more.

#shosz speaks #tma michael #tma #tma spoilers #mag 167 #michael distortion #the distortion #how many times had this been said #michael deserved better #cries into my hands #MICHAEL NOO #im so sorry mluv #i need to find some happy michael content now #even if it means its eating other ppl

[depollutingshosz]

remember that asshole who, even at his death, gave a death book to a person he hates. the level of pettiness, but also. what a fucking asshole

#tma #tma spoilers #mag 70 #it was in his will? or sumn #the statement giver inherited it so eh #im scanning mag titles #im getting whiplashes of what tf i was doing when i listened to them #and this one stood out bc #what a fucking asshole #lmaoaoaoo #shosz speaks

[ecoamerica]

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[depollutingshosz]

whenever i see Gerard Keay's name, my brain keeps pronouncing their surname as Kee-ay instead of Kii and honestly i have to say sorry to myself after every time i do it

#gerard keay #tma #im annoyed by my brain too dont worry #even though i technically heard their name first before seeing the spelling #just why #why does my brain whisper gerard kee ay i hate it sm #kii kiii kiii not kee-ay #puts face in hands #my brain still pronounced kee ay #you know like an adorable dog that tries to follow its owners instructions but fails n it still smiles happily bc it doesnt know any better #and the owner is just fondly exasperated and congratulates and pets their dog happily despite everything failing #yea thats not how me and my brain is im fucking leashing this piece of shit #the magnus archives #shosz speaks #dont mind me rambling #it will happen again

[depollutingshosz]

pure agony. pain. devastation. torment. anguish. nothing will ever be fine again. (ao3 server is down)

#im kidding alr #error 503 #ao3 #shosz speaks #am i doing shitposting correctly #aight time to read my stock downloaded fics #yes i listed down the synonyms of agony what about it

[depollutingshosz]

hc that jon, despite not needing glasses anymore once hes become(ing?) the ceaseless watcher after his coma, still wears glasses with no lenses as a last means to try to convince himself hes not the monster hes becoming.

a futile attempt at denial, its mostly inconvenient but it does help ease his feelings for a little while. after a few days of coming back and working at the archives though, he decides to take it off because it keeps sliding off when hes reading statements or something.

'Who am I kidding?' and gives up his efforts.

#tma #tma headcanons #shosz speaks #dont mind me rambling #it will happen again #had this been elaborated before i havent read enough tma hcs due to fear of being spoiled #i havent read enough tma hcs due to fear of being spoiled #which im trying to hold strong for s5 #it just crossed my mind Jon's character design #idk ill try to look at more fanarts to see how others interpret jon #its ok jon ily #it gets much worse from there #he pops off the cracked lenses of his old glasses that barely survived #or he goes to shop for frames and harrasses traumatized people who had encounters with the fears #the magnus archives #jonathan sims

[depollutingshosz]

starting s5 of tma LETS FUCKING GOOOOO

im already cryibg

#shosz speaks #dont mind me rambling #tma #everybody stfu for a moment THE TRIO ARCHIVAL ASSISTANTS THREW THEIR BOSS A BDAY SURPRISE #jon hisses like a startled cat. or a cat in general #AAAAA s1 jon is so prickly i missed ignorant jon #tma spoilers

[depollutingshosz]

NEW THOUGHT JUST CAME IN AND I PARTICULARLY LIKED IT

once i get around to actually studying anatomy, u kno dusting off my morpho books (theyre pdfs,) and getting right down to business; ill go ahead and practice on one body part at a time and draw only that and eventually form monstrosities, bodies out of one part

just like how i imagine that one mag about the gym and bodybuilders. i will eat my foot if i dont enact this

#shosz speaks #tma #reference #hopefully i remember this #im tagging the mag once i find it #I FOUND IT #mag 90

[depollutingshosz]

MAG 154 DESTROYED ME WHAT THE FUCK

Man. That was amazing. That was heartbreaking. Empowering. Fucking sad. What am i saying.

idk listening to that statement/mag felt like i have been picked up from my little bed and put atop a cloud but a cloud is not meant to hold any sort of weight so im damp, falling through the sky, and shivering from the cold and fear and anticipation and and and so many other emotions

#tma spoilers #tma #shosz speaks #listen to tma faster shosz come on #dont mind me rambling

[depollutingshosz]

i simultaneously listen to a podcast and read a fic before i decide which one to focus on

#a daily debate of whether my brain needs that extra stimulation #i stare at the void as words and imagery mix into mush #these txt posts are mostly for pinning my thoughts #shosz speaks

[depollutingshosz]

went to the dentist and clutched for dear life and then suddenly its over?

#excuse me sir was i not supposed to die #anesthesia or anesthetics whcih one was it #whatever. anyway theyre my bffs now #i cant feel the side of my face #what a fascinating experience #anw gonna sleep this off #bc ill legit fucking die once it wears off #zzz #shosz speaks

[depollutingshosz]

so like if a friend asks you out on a date do they mean it, like, platonically

#shosz speaks #fucking help me im having a panic attac

[depollutingshosz]

how can you not hate everything when you live in a house with these people

#shosz speaks

[depollutingshosz]

sometimes i think i start to hate myself because i never have time for my hobbies and exploring my interests. im always so caught up in my studies, test, school, that by the time im finished i have no energy left for myself.

and sometimes i realize that what i hate isnt myself but the system that keeps me away from my love

#shosz speaks #im in the middle of studying for a test tomorrow #its 3 am where im from #i hate #i need to change my habits #starting tomorrow #right

[depollutingshosz]

im so sorry but i feel like id be so much of a s1 jonathan sims in terms of leading a team project but a s1 martin blackwood when actually trying to get shit done

#tma #i kin #very hypocritic but yea #shosz speaks

[depollutingshosz]

when i submit my works at 3am i hope my professors realize its a call for help

#shosz speaks #no they dont realize #nor care #kidding. profs arent responsible for ur health do better shosz

[depollutingshosz]

look at her. shes capable of receiving so much love. she deserves all that love. she should be filled with love and affection and care and everything good in the world.

me cuddling with my cat

#shosz speaks #i love my calm puffball very much #shes pregnant